在很久很久前,大概在中一的時候,林蓁喜歡過一個男生。134Please respect copyright.PENANArAk28Jgye7
134Please respect copyright.PENANAMhE6xB2xUe
當時,她比廿一歲的自己還重四公斤,還戴黑框眼鏡,臉上還有一些痘痘。比起廿一歲,十二歲的她自然是不懂打扮。134Please respect copyright.PENANACLiBvkjVsl
134Please respect copyright.PENANANTb7CPM1lo
那個男生,暫稱他為Y先生,是她的鄰座,平時二人會互相問功課,她文科好,他理科好,因此才打開話題。他和大部分男同學一樣,小息時也會圍在一角,通常玩BS卡,或者約放學後打LOL。134Please respect copyright.PENANAvNV7NbeX9p
134Please respect copyright.PENANAwyxqNAg71j
原本,二人一直不熟,林蓁對Y先生無感,畢竟她平常只和女生玩。134Please respect copyright.PENANAuVL8cXl91s
134Please respect copyright.PENANAgNXSTn6tdp
直到,第一次她月經來潮,當時在上課,她只感到下體濕濕的,站起來後,則被後桌的男同學大聲說:134Please respect copyright.PENANA2QCo2MHrDN
134Please respect copyright.PENANA4leG7dEUaM
「你條裙有血!」134Please respect copyright.PENANAsUDXv5U4M4
134Please respect copyright.PENANArPELbMMVW2
白色的校裙上有一撻小小的跡,還未凝固結塊,像一朵剛開的花。然後,其他人也跟著起哄。134Please respect copyright.PENANAaFeMacdQJQ
134Please respect copyright.PENANAxUG7HpOvvY
「大個女啦。」134Please respect copyright.PENANAdBLMVazjPc
134Please respect copyright.PENANAf4GL9rUtQe
「哎吔,快啲坐返低。」134Please respect copyright.PENANAuJSTT4PgnJ
134Please respect copyright.PENANACi3cLi34ow
「去廁所清理吓。」134Please respect copyright.PENANADpsp6ntrrP
134Please respect copyright.PENANAxACA9HYuJt
她腦袋一片空白,無法反應,對於自己竟對月經不知所措——更加不知所措。她沒有郁動,等到Y先生脫下毛衣,圍在她腰上,遮住裙子。他拍一拍她,著她去洗手間。134Please respect copyright.PENANAlmgv0087TL
134Please respect copyright.PENANAI0f27wzXmW
自從這一次,她就感到自己好像喜歡了Y先生。134Please respect copyright.PENANAIgA48CwhRk
134Please respect copyright.PENANA1UE7qeqTaR
當時心思單純,對一個人有意,就寫在臉上,明明晃晃,無遮無掩。Y先生的笑話不一定好笑,但她一定會笑,而且是盡力地笑,咧開嘴角便見不夠整齊的牙,還會嬌嬌地眉眼彎彎。134Please respect copyright.PENANAwsdNr8ErXv
134Please respect copyright.PENANAnIsTWUgbpz
早上,她先到校,便自願替他到儲物櫃拿當日要用的書。一年一度的社際運動比賽,她會買飲品、小食給他。總在製造偶遇機會,遲他幾秒出課室去洗手間,然後假裝在路上一同回程,碰見,傾多兩嘴。134Please respect copyright.PENANApTCLWuCY9Y
134Please respect copyright.PENANATw0DBIaczL
好友說她的心意很明顯,她沒有說什麼,只是怯怯地睜大眼,再四處張望,確定身邊沒有人聽見這段對話。134Please respect copyright.PENANAKrN3iPUKBX
134Please respect copyright.PENANAtf1G1DS2JC
終於,有一天,放學後,她知道Y先生會留在課室,便打算一起坐在座位上靜靜溫習。134Please respect copyright.PENANAH2H2gl48SW
134Please respect copyright.PENANAEOSGdPIPR7
但到她折返課室,聽見他和同學的對話——134Please respect copyright.PENANApz8WiYtT4s
134Please respect copyright.PENANAiJY9fHAhkS
「林蓁係咪同你有路?好殷勤喎。」134Please respect copyright.PENANAfOdUFCyMdg
134Please respect copyright.PENANAi0yBwBg34C
「咪係囉,又睇你比賽,又送水又送糧!」134Please respect copyright.PENANA7cZMunH8ZG
134Please respect copyright.PENANAVxWjA6Kj7e
「仲有啲眼神好痴纏,一唔講嘢就笑住咁望你。」134Please respect copyright.PENANAq6ihRUDsBh
134Please respect copyright.PENANABnWUppQOv6
「咦~實係有嘢啦。」134Please respect copyright.PENANAoJfhubUl4v
134Please respect copyright.PENANAJO8bQAITtp
她聽見,竟然有點開心。理論上,她在暗戀,可是愛一個人至世上無人知曉,卻是委屈的。她更加期待Y先生的反應。134Please respect copyright.PENANAiStnvgyjQ3
134Please respect copyright.PENANAzAv5CgKkpH
只聽見他說:134Please respect copyright.PENANAOQz8MRKLEu
134Please respect copyright.PENANA7NOZTq0xlf
「吓!咪玩啦,豬扒嚟,我先唔會鍾意佢。」134Please respect copyright.PENANARveOKWyx4o
134Please respect copyright.PENANAzieLNIr9H9
林蓁心下一沉。134Please respect copyright.PENANAIAmPJpmvpb
134Please respect copyright.PENANAHkgov7JgJb
「你哋幾親㗎喎。」同學說。134Please respect copyright.PENANAWxsA5KTHNo
134Please respect copyright.PENANAW7ap6HGHow
她又想,會不會是他口硬?134Please respect copyright.PENANAoehlxGB9Bd
134Please respect copyright.PENANAqkHKWRYPYR
「佢係都要痴埋嚟咋嘛,呢啲豬閪,我鍾意佢就真係柒頭啦。」134Please respect copyright.PENANAp673MTEuP4
134Please respect copyright.PENANApaH9Fp9DNl
「哇!睇嚟你係柒頭!」同學說。134Please respect copyright.PENANA9JDsPR0Uvo
134Please respect copyright.PENANA3gwzI34eiE
「咪再講,再聽到佢個名我要洗耳。戇鳩,我無可能鍾意佢,寧願打一世飛機。」134Please respect copyright.PENANAajbd5q7xam
134Please respect copyright.PENANA6jq14IonbF
「好過去自瀆啦。」同學說。134Please respect copyright.PENANAluGH4zTLiT
134Please respect copyright.PENANAvwx35bQqgG
林蓁和那天月經來潮一樣,無法動彈,臉上也不能反應任何表情。134Please respect copyright.PENANA2cM6HHPOhp
134Please respect copyright.PENANAmPfJXkLLtZ
最後,她站了一會兒,轉身離去。134Please respect copyright.PENANAeYt1UtC2xa
134Please respect copyright.PENANA1lufYmo1qu
/134Please respect copyright.PENANAC7D8fT6yjg
134Please respect copyright.PENANAULJGPNHV8b
翌日,林蓁確實去了買燈泡,但沒有回家。讓父親一人多留在家一天吧——彷彿是一種小小的報復,偏偏只懂得在這些小事上用力。134Please respect copyright.PENANAP2Yhjpq7xu
134Please respect copyright.PENANAafsNtMzmr5
她去見了周立沖。134Please respect copyright.PENANAjA1YDY3nid
134Please respect copyright.PENANAzBjfigiEit
一見面,他便說:「今晚不如我煮,你想食咩?」134Please respect copyright.PENANAsnogN3oXzH
134Please respect copyright.PENANAxyL2I4itT3
三年前,二人一起,他也常常為她下廚。他這樣說,令她感到二人又回到從前戀愛時。不知道為何,世間男子千千萬,而她明知他不必然是良人,卻在他回來時洶湧澎湃,難以自控地傾瀉。134Please respect copyright.PENANAgIf6MHdarf
134Please respect copyright.PENANAAWX7Hm0TFA
「無所謂。」134Please respect copyright.PENANAEwJyybtySo
134Please respect copyright.PENANAqBAIuknWE8
她說「無所謂」,是真的無所謂,並非心裡還有其他盤算,希望別人猜中她未講的話語。畢竟她只需將食物放進口便能填飽肚子,有什麼好要求更多;何況,有人願意煮飯——她已經很久沒有吃過住家飯,對上一次,又是他煮。134Please respect copyright.PENANAEBlh2NE5SX
134Please respect copyright.PENANA8IK6EzrPSC
家裡沒有飯吃。134Please respect copyright.PENANAoYpKMdrgvs
134Please respect copyright.PENANAqAuiphZMo4
「都知你又會話無所謂,咁我話事啦。」134Please respect copyright.PENANA4CbhHK2gOh
134Please respect copyright.PENANAkb5vkYPM5d
「你煮咩我都食。」134Please respect copyright.PENANAnqTC7OeUgs
134Please respect copyright.PENANAe6AkVeOdOr
「傻瓜。」134Please respect copyright.PENANAf11mh2ICip
134Please respect copyright.PENANAbg7ioqySqW
他摸摸她的頭。134Please respect copyright.PENANAemA5yJJ03Y
134Please respect copyright.PENANA2axgFfNiYR
每次,她都對他的溫柔心動,最初,還會不懂反應,但後來便習慣,臉色自如。能夠和他走到今天這一步,她還求什麼。134Please respect copyright.PENANApBN6LGLuSm
134Please respect copyright.PENANAvTRftvBSY9
如果真的有辛苦的時候,也是她自尋的——134Please respect copyright.PENANADZGPWmrgsB
134Please respect copyright.PENANAPO1fszY7dp
譬如,她是因為喜歡他,才會無法離開這段關係;但他不是,若然情傷已癒,哪需異性的溫柔。他若真的喜歡她,最初又怎會捨棄,或者,現在又怎會回來,由她療傷。可是,即使已有清晰認知,她總想到:反正,青春也是要浪費的,除了自身可以發展的事,感情上,不是花在這個人身上,就是另一個人,倒不如,在遇見更喜歡的人之前,將愛傾瀉到他身上。134Please respect copyright.PENANAk2usxTQpZW
134Please respect copyright.PENANA8hHNxzZDoi
「快啲煮嘢啦,我好肚餓,嘻嘻。」134Please respect copyright.PENANAjQFDBWReWz
134Please respect copyright.PENANA6TGhPcUMgo
「不如食咗我先。」134Please respect copyright.PENANAEeQQXKapqA
134Please respect copyright.PENANAPkZXl1oyof
「唔要你,成身臭汗。」134Please respect copyright.PENANAdtJ7N43Y0j
134Please respect copyright.PENANAJwh1klqUkA
可是她又要偽裝成,其實不是非他不可。134Please respect copyright.PENANAKqQ1zl2B4L
134Please respect copyright.PENANAa8pNCpgaEZ
愛時時談論「無論如何」,而她的便是:喜歡他,不過又允諾他隨時離開。134Please respect copyright.PENANAytXIZ1u8bU
134Please respect copyright.PENANAhTskqBLzcF
她日夜恍神,反覆在腦海練習有一天,他會遇見愛人或是靈魂伴侶之類的東西,她故作鎮定地點點頭、應應嘴,又有一把畫外音著她好好管理顫抖的臉,不要露出濕潤的聲息。久而久之,她便以為,自己已被好好訓練過,可以接受悲痛的離散。連夢也時時出現他,再時時失落。134Please respect copyright.PENANAhRyZaOUfwb
134Please respect copyright.PENANAMGPdRem7of
不過,幸好,現在他在。134Please respect copyright.PENANA5dBSnv5fZD
134Please respect copyright.PENANAbWYyusfJql
心聲太吵鬧,她只能確保自己不要突然發瘋,苛求堅定地被愛。134Please respect copyright.PENANAnaXoHbhcIa