然後，她去替人補習，如常地，五點半到達學生的家。學生是一對姊妹，輪流上課，每人一小時。七點半，她便離開，回家煮個公仔面食。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKHtlJn5ba5
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTqGl2GS0ag
/537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwpZB5zZyOw
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyk0z5YC2Ok
這一年來，林蓁偶然回家睡覺，偶然在外過夜。要說「偶然」，好像並不準確，最近她與周立沖交好，時時留在他宿舍，但有時，她也天天回家，畢竟宿舍不是她的家。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX8nhkiC82r
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQZRHIM0Q6I
一家五口，她是二妹，也是二家姐，大家姐一早移居國外，弟弟則到外國讀書，家中只得她一個。以前，她忘記過自己有家姐，這幾年，快要連有弟弟也忘記。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7EUx6UOkC7
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgf88m8mw7r
進門，燈火通明，林父在客廳看電視，背靠輪椅。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHsnp5oLFle
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1dXGdN41LX
「林蓁，攞紙巾過嚟。」537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Ph9whuMoz
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtMMv06e5UE
他與那個口中怒吼「你跟我姓㗎！食我嘅住我嘅，我打死你都冇人知！」的父親形象已大大不同，經歷中風，身體羸弱的他一改舊日暴戾，平靜地如一般退休老人。現在，他需要倚靠女兒的照顧。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX40REbxMr6
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQQyR8nMqnF
因此，像什麼事都沒有發生過一樣，與女兒「正常共對」。哪怕流露出一點點愧疚，林蓁也會好過一些。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS2XaJZTUrt
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQav36WIqXm
她沒有刻意回憶舊事，但還是記得過往——537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUxPHVycTNH
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXG18PPgTNt
林父最初，只會打大家姐。大家姐長得高，人又聰明，時時駁嘴。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGxGqWXwF4O
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjSAZc8hye5
他心情不好便會打她。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz8euPRYDuW
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL4CmdKTyFD
大家姐多數不吭一聲，直直地瞪著父親，眼睛通紅。父親最討厭她這模樣，知道她現在不說話不求饒，為著平時他說些什麼時冷靜地反駁，他抄起飯桌上的鏡子，往她的膞頭骨打下去。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsuB2zNVKwI
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUueyOJtj3k
一下一下打下去。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWRhvEKl8ru
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ99HZ9ku3nO
「你唔聽話吖嘛？答我呀！我生你養你打死你都無問題呀！」537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRUXmXdqc8p
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYKOwAoXqmv
「我無唔聽話呀！」537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO1egfcHByw
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAs9Ha4Tph2
「仲講大話！」537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfhj1fbc7w5
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2CPT5VhrFw
他捉住大家姐的頭髮，髮根吃痛，她便用腳爬到父親用力的方向，他更輕鬆地把她的頭按在地上。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbo2lmdCtvY
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk3NHMKpMOU
打人工具不多，或是說沒有特定工具，要麼隨手拿起便敲到身上，要麼單純用手打打打㩒㩒㩒刮刮刮。他那樣即興，像一份浪漫美意。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0kKmD4Ki69
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdlSrEK3302
彼時林蓁和弟弟跪坐在房內，隔著一段距離，看爸爸和家姐。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIHpg6veSyI
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1bPMwdGxpq
「你哋兩個唔好似最大嗰件咁壞！如果唔係連你哋都打。」537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY6bCoA1fp7
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZQ5s54V3RW
小小林蓁會忍不住哭出聲來。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZvdW9y0mqK
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8IiqdipigE
她對父親恐懼，卻又覺得是家姐首先「曳」，所以才被父親打。她會出去，將攤在地上的家姐扶起，說：537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7dzQmO2xGU
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUiZIM6xbgg
「你以後都唔好激嬲阿爸啦。」537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNQZEsjjvwM
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVwn4MNHCsz
家姐只是拍開林蓁的手：「縮頭烏龜，唔使你可憐。」537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRd6sjpwjvS
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUYMyXLy099
媽媽回家，見到屋內一片死寂，也沒提什麼，只說：「開飯啦。」537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡonGDCkeP5Q
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUOFSmLBi0T
/537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpi9AwuBnPg
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGmuWYjncRU
然後，林蓁把紙巾遞給父親，他抽出，用力呻鼻涕。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEREsCwcTFj
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx0BRfz6VQz
她去煮辛辣麵，不再另以碗裝住，就這樣捧著鍋吃，坐在客廳，沒有和父親看一樣的電視內容，只是看電話。新聞新聞，姜濤，譚仔，SASA特價，清潔工權利，腦袋卻無法裝載更多。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvcW1Of3S9W
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx3oWAcnZFK
快快吃完，她去洗鍋。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0JWz9akwBN
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV3EO3RkJsN
林蓁從不會過分霸佔一個空間，即使長期留在一個地方，如家，如周立沖的宿舍，她的物件都沒有幾多。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNvepHGqKE8
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUkw4NaclL2
自小，父親便不喜歡她將玩具放出客廳，有次，她將一個小熊公仔放在沙發上，然後去廁所，出來時，便不見了小熊。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ55FzU4wvZJ
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjDv3Y5SDhN
「熊仔去咗邊？」537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡykeNT2HfTW
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8BqeNLoA1l
「我抌咗。」537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCcoK7jazin
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡonw0x3eQsw
「吓……」她小小聲，馬上到垃圾桶裡撿小熊，只見它對上有一堆橙皮、紙巾、洋蔥。倒是沒有哭，只不斷地用水沖涮小熊，又嗅了嗅，酸臭味仍然不走，加梘液，起泡刷。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm7ynYAkrZk
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6YA5jHOeYv
當時她已很怕父親，便不敢說什麼，只環抱小熊，在他面前行過，證明她對小熊不離不棄。從此，她不再將自己的東西，放在「不屬於自己」的地方，譬如客廳、廚房。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9KFnd6rJVv
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI0z7VkghOr
她在家霸佔的位置也越來越小，開始覺得多餘。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIBYT5Gmhnv
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYCq7siJ0OP
此刻，斟了一杯水後，林蓁在父親面前吃藥，他的眼神依然死死盯著電視螢幕。她根本不必避諱。她是幸運的。在避談精神病的城裡，她的親人要麼離開了，要麼對她不管不顧，誰管她的死活呢。一個人的能量有限，她不必花心神在隱藏自己的狀態之上。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfQlJxS3MUT
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgJNtkXF0Ec
和她一屋簷下的血親，甚至不知道她幾歲、唸什麼、將來會返咩工。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmFV3VOGbMN
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxZoqiUDaPw
二人不會說話——反正她不會牽起話頭。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡURv3Sc2vJI
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Tq4Kniv3u
和他，不知有什麼好講。每個家庭，也是如此麼——恐怕不是，畢竟她羨慕過別人家的融洽和睦。閉上屋門，死氣沉沉，只得腳步聲來來回回拖拉。對於她現在的一切，除了煞有介事地和輔導員講之外，就沒有辦法與人道，慢慢，她的語言能力也枯萎，必要說的事以外，連組織也困難。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUKPXn6I29F
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtjAjekWij2
有時，她會怨恨全屋人都走光，家姐一早撇下她，母親死了，細佬又走，得她一個留在家。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAch8jmsuGc
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrmQYhjnDwf
家姐離開後，父親便找林蓁出氣，依然是拳打腳踢。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiZJzQ1sOTY
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv57bK3Cub4
但，她從來沒有「激嬲」父親。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ01FpLVBPW
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjXEcW7cq44
/537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgtgJA6qoe0
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ30woCn3f1c
那時，小小林蓁和家姐陷入一種莫名其妙的冷戰。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwHbZ9VzK1d
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡES9SZkWZGl
二人沒有吵架，只是，當林蓁叫家姐不要再惹父親生氣、又故作乖巧地斟水給他喝消消氣後，家姐每次見她，便沒有好臉色。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnTJm1I4fp9
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoSid67Maos
作為二女兒，家庭的中間位置，平凡、不突出、不顯眼；林蓁擁有「希望所有人都喜歡自己」的渴望，否則，誰會關心她呢。家姐更聰明堅強，而弟弟是家中唯一男兒。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWkpmccOdm9
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJeMSQ4MHR8
林蓁總是溫溫和和，不吵不鬧，她一早發現自己不是可以雲淡風輕的天之驕子，也沒有勇氣離經叛道做野孩子，要得到歡心和關注，只能做好自身，微笑對人，得體應答，天真可愛，人蓄無害——她有這樣的天賦。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrnPWIYzFeA
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEygcVTJpyU
她自覺喜歡充當人與人之間的潤滑劑，或者說是，討厭別人對立，每次如此，她不知道應該支持哪方。而且，別人若是熱鬧，又有誰看見只瑟縮的她呢。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnFq4iHjLIB
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl6oAVU2V7Z
所以，每次家姐被父親打，林蓁也會看看家姐，問她痛不痛。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF7fQckXVBM
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiFoQYxUEdg
「你匿埋都唔緊要，你同細佬仲細，都無辦法攔到阿爸。但點解要叫我唔好激佢？」家姐說。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtVSQclK2VL
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVvFSBKMf30
「我驚你畀佢打得更加犀利。」林蓁說。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2cHoPMjEue
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8FFYmgqMYv
「唔係我令到佢打我㗎！係佢自己發神經㗎！」537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrG5yap0d4L
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvt4tmunaDv
「咁佢打緊你嗰陣時，向佢求饒，等佢快啲打完啦……」537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuIT4IDrMR0
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnlQaV5fLsQ
「佢又打唔死我，為咗嗰少少快啲打完，求佢？你係我個妹，咁無骨氣？」537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdXvm2W2F7S
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0GMMl0eL32
林蓁不知為何，竟然哭了起來。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMOZeF4wMLO
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZjA1UpTiKC
「你仲喊！又唔係你畀人打！你仲要斟水畀阿爸！喊喊喊，你喊咩呀？」537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUHXOg8bI8s
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡldn1zGl7xx
姊妹二人，一連幾日沒有說過話。起初，林蓁還厚著面皮，將自己早餐的面包及腸仔分給家姐（父親罰家姐不準食飯），但被拒絕。後來，林蓁也生氣起來，心想你不理我我也不理你，便不再主動和家姐搭話。二人其實一直也留意對方，回頭時會對視，但只有一秒，都急急移開目光。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtXSvv3bwEM
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYSVp6IJDyI
直至父親又打家姐。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNDYH9NceLV
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ASStEEoCq
原因並不特別，就是家姐食飯食得慢，父親生氣，便打她。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoGpN3vwHaW
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGjJm0vsaxc
家姐依然沒有說話，雖然流淚但沒有出聲。林蓁依然擁著弟弟瑟縮一角，只是，下一秒，她又想到，家姐生氣可能是因為以前她沒有出來維護家人，於是，她便鼓起勇氣，衝出來：537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUIqzA99kuC
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWTXp2uq8Mg
「阿爸唔好再打啦！家姐知錯啦！」537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCEqtTUnxmb
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4tMHyMupqp
「佢知錯？咁佢唔講？」537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbYHrGSNupI
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4ufUCZvHd8
「家姐真係知錯！」林蓁情不自禁地流淚起來：「你望吓！家姐喊！全面都係眼淚，佢只係唔好意思講咋嘛！」537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIHqdGfdqSF
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6m8Zs6dB6O
「喊代表知錯咩？佢唔知有悔意喎！」537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwGeslV0uuk
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLffkcsyOyF
「真㗎真㗎！」林蓁撒謊：「上次你話完佢，佢話你講得啱㗎！」537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4OzPD25xeT
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzFt4CnamB4
「我無！」家姐搖頭。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbC5QnVqEAr
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYa4l4WbKr3
「你唔好口硬啦，已經好多傷啦！」537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIibCeWlnOG
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS3tK8aT2j2
「既然你哋咁講，今日就算，以後再駁嘴就打。」537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtrQyv1E4kK
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmCImpRfIGf
「多謝阿爸。」537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxzaKiVsu3K
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnbF564xkue
家姐推了林蓁落地。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjFQKRY9XtF
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLsTVgaJJ8y
「你做咩要咁講啊？做咪屈我啊？」537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe0V7XUo7wD
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ71yMi90kML
「我唔想阿爸再打你咋。」537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBTUcweRWAt
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYEe3B83KYM
「你根本唔明，我被佢打係因為曳咩？佢想無啦啦打人咋！咁啱係我。你同佢求饒？以後佢都係會打㗎！同呢啲人講對唔住做咩？」537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUiQ7buJXC4
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKNEe0mEAPi
以往家姐怎樣被父親打，眼睛紅紅，但始終沒有哭出聲來。她在內心與己戰鬥：喊出嚟就輸。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYPbXDao4ZS
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqmTVL7Z3T0
但現在，家姐越說越委屈，竟然哭了。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdZFaV7ArZ9
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqUzlSriaGz
小小林蓁不明白，以為為家姐好。多年後，她才知道，家姐覺得林蓁擅作主張的求饒，是一種背叛。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb3mgHhn0hj
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1rj1TBhDMz
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537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMOjGhNIRPu
隨即，她去洗澡，在黑暗中淋浴，覺得一切都很靜，視覺的減退一併萎縮其他感官。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡISGeK864pM
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不知是否吃了藥的緣故，她比以往快入睡。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUDxOUBR7yI
and then Add to home screen.