然後，她去替人補習，如常地，五點半到達學生的家。學生是一對姊妹，輪流上課，每人一小時。七點半，她便離開，回家煮個公仔面食。380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbwEqbDg6AW
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVgYNXWcktT
/380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnad7ahl7Qa
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcxBaoiIsgB
這一年來，林蓁偶然回家睡覺，偶然在外過夜。要說「偶然」，好像並不準確，最近她與周立沖交好，時時留在他宿舍，但有時，她也天天回家，畢竟宿舍不是她的家。380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIWQ7LqSTbr
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO2EVTi8cEn
一家五口，她是二妹，也是二家姐，大家姐一早移居國外，弟弟則到外國讀書，家中只得她一個。以前，她忘記過自己有家姐，這幾年，快要連有弟弟也忘記。380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeoq9j2YnUK
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9zxhiPKG9f
進門，燈火通明，林父在客廳看電視，背靠輪椅。380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS3jzp13efB
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqp3XNXOmfi
「林蓁，攞紙巾過嚟。」380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7gtKQk7O3M
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3rtsXb6pYj
他與那個口中怒吼「你跟我姓㗎！食我嘅住我嘅，我打死你都冇人知！」的父親形象已大大不同，經歷中風，身體羸弱的他一改舊日暴戾，平靜地如一般退休老人。現在，他需要倚靠女兒的照顧。380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY8kjlRB7Vd
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh6kPkXLAYJ
因此，像什麼事都沒有發生過一樣，與女兒「正常共對」。哪怕流露出一點點愧疚，林蓁也會好過一些。380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbMbPVl7DUn
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwP7yvF9ZLd
她沒有刻意回憶舊事，但還是記得過往——380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtnNN9i2JBW
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpONVvaYFi1
林父最初，只會打大家姐。大家姐長得高，人又聰明，時時駁嘴。380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAN52i7wOcQ
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4au7XdtGZW
他心情不好便會打她。380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ406F1YF1ta
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWvE53F8s4v
大家姐多數不吭一聲，直直地瞪著父親，眼睛通紅。父親最討厭她這模樣，知道她現在不說話不求饒，為著平時他說些什麼時冷靜地反駁，他抄起飯桌上的鏡子，往她的膞頭骨打下去。380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8GAvJlJ9n4
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAswZJSjr8j
一下一下打下去。380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUYnaNoWhYF
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV4OOOSMOw0
「你唔聽話吖嘛？答我呀！我生你養你打死你都無問題呀！」380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB4f39nTMBS
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQlLEdIfKvC
「我無唔聽話呀！」380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPj3LNV0Nku
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr9bf4B2A27
「仲講大話！」380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGmlp9wToaC
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwbpoLmkQeK
他捉住大家姐的頭髮，髮根吃痛，她便用腳爬到父親用力的方向，他更輕鬆地把她的頭按在地上。380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTQ5OvzaVU4
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6eucfTXpxj
打人工具不多，或是說沒有特定工具，要麼隨手拿起便敲到身上，要麼單純用手打打打㩒㩒㩒刮刮刮。他那樣即興，像一份浪漫美意。380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqiefJhGlfW
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡetdwed6jiJ
彼時林蓁和弟弟跪坐在房內，隔著一段距離，看爸爸和家姐。380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡndHTonkvX1
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDAIuaW5QnK
「你哋兩個唔好似最大嗰件咁壞！如果唔係連你哋都打。」380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUCJ60U2yEY
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGfeIxTeLIF
小小林蓁會忍不住哭出聲來。380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ21xgM8oRo2
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ33yut5s2bb
她對父親恐懼，卻又覺得是家姐首先「曳」，所以才被父親打。她會出去，將攤在地上的家姐扶起，說：380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdwkKXsOvbm
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAuzZm7WwR2
「你以後都唔好激嬲阿爸啦。」380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhFluEkAhjG
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmHgZdGRSBl
家姐只是拍開林蓁的手：「縮頭烏龜，唔使你可憐。」380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡox9WdvW0WM
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5BKaCZejAK
媽媽回家，見到屋內一片死寂，也沒提什麼，只說：「開飯啦。」380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC7zjocG85l
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR6qVjvSHT8
/380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡizCxLoHD83
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7HR0Qc8M3G
然後，林蓁把紙巾遞給父親，他抽出，用力呻鼻涕。380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOp3lno6iDN
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiISZCCdXrh
她去煮辛辣麵，不再另以碗裝住，就這樣捧著鍋吃，坐在客廳，沒有和父親看一樣的電視內容，只是看電話。新聞新聞，姜濤，譚仔，SASA特價，清潔工權利，腦袋卻無法裝載更多。380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiZKXINMR9i
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnaAhj1jahO
快快吃完，她去洗鍋。380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNQ8gzOK5Kc
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHoPvYx2vW7
林蓁從不會過分霸佔一個空間，即使長期留在一個地方，如家，如周立沖的宿舍，她的物件都沒有幾多。380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW6v8BB8JqY
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDmxArB4FlQ
自小，父親便不喜歡她將玩具放出客廳，有次，她將一個小熊公仔放在沙發上，然後去廁所，出來時，便不見了小熊。380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUXJPrfPYcT
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0rtrMsPa4G
「熊仔去咗邊？」380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdwxc580mVs
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtEOOICTgDP
「我抌咗。」380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgVVqcR9Y0s
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVvvAPbDpRS
「吓……」她小小聲，馬上到垃圾桶裡撿小熊，只見它對上有一堆橙皮、紙巾、洋蔥。倒是沒有哭，只不斷地用水沖涮小熊，又嗅了嗅，酸臭味仍然不走，加梘液，起泡刷。380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRkAZDoAXb2
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh5vViQ4gEN
當時她已很怕父親，便不敢說什麼，只環抱小熊，在他面前行過，證明她對小熊不離不棄。從此，她不再將自己的東西，放在「不屬於自己」的地方，譬如客廳、廚房。380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgPgZaJGrff
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGKhFITHweN
她在家霸佔的位置也越來越小，開始覺得多餘。380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6M4QT5qfoF
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb5BpWmWGSN
此刻，斟了一杯水後，林蓁在父親面前吃藥，他的眼神依然死死盯著電視螢幕。她根本不必避諱。她是幸運的。在避談精神病的城裡，她的親人要麼離開了，要麼對她不管不顧，誰管她的死活呢。一個人的能量有限，她不必花心神在隱藏自己的狀態之上。380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhR9cl0RosP
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTNCd6xrKPX
和她一屋簷下的血親，甚至不知道她幾歲、唸什麼、將來會返咩工。380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxhEidSyfDD
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK75FVUmOj0
二人不會說話——反正她不會牽起話頭。380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7lS17ROb6c
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7epV1Yaiue
和他，不知有什麼好講。每個家庭，也是如此麼——恐怕不是，畢竟她羨慕過別人家的融洽和睦。閉上屋門，死氣沉沉，只得腳步聲來來回回拖拉。對於她現在的一切，除了煞有介事地和輔導員講之外，就沒有辦法與人道，慢慢，她的語言能力也枯萎，必要說的事以外，連組織也困難。380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAJvdvYLv4I
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTas1B34BoQ
有時，她會怨恨全屋人都走光，家姐一早撇下她，母親死了，細佬又走，得她一個留在家。380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcRuIE3XVFG
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfkpxKZrRbQ
家姐離開後，父親便找林蓁出氣，依然是拳打腳踢。380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrVncDCTO0j
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwA9U24XvOa
但，她從來沒有「激嬲」父親。380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkr3I4vKTep
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOqqYyz1rGD
/380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO0YAnBdYyy
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGZYVo6xDmP
那時，小小林蓁和家姐陷入一種莫名其妙的冷戰。380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjKWcXEwjhX
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDrZErDwFnR
二人沒有吵架，只是，當林蓁叫家姐不要再惹父親生氣、又故作乖巧地斟水給他喝消消氣後，家姐每次見她，便沒有好臉色。380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA9f5f6YBKE
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzzjtN3bWHs
作為二女兒，家庭的中間位置，平凡、不突出、不顯眼；林蓁擁有「希望所有人都喜歡自己」的渴望，否則，誰會關心她呢。家姐更聰明堅強，而弟弟是家中唯一男兒。380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwP8ZBSaMpw
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡenaUvS5zVc
林蓁總是溫溫和和，不吵不鬧，她一早發現自己不是可以雲淡風輕的天之驕子，也沒有勇氣離經叛道做野孩子，要得到歡心和關注，只能做好自身，微笑對人，得體應答，天真可愛，人蓄無害——她有這樣的天賦。380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7DtsRn3PGO
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS2fBlXxDVF
她自覺喜歡充當人與人之間的潤滑劑，或者說是，討厭別人對立，每次如此，她不知道應該支持哪方。而且，別人若是熱鬧，又有誰看見只瑟縮的她呢。380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg54kqqtoI4
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrePYaOIjcY
所以，每次家姐被父親打，林蓁也會看看家姐，問她痛不痛。380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzws3Pj0N1N
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnLtCrHQFD9
「你匿埋都唔緊要，你同細佬仲細，都無辦法攔到阿爸。但點解要叫我唔好激佢？」家姐說。380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYL7FteGxxk
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTkyUAwBRGs
「我驚你畀佢打得更加犀利。」林蓁說。380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1aFVWCN8jc
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡewFJVuABQS
「唔係我令到佢打我㗎！係佢自己發神經㗎！」380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1WVzu1hOnc
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1uNvDf7suG
「咁佢打緊你嗰陣時，向佢求饒，等佢快啲打完啦……」380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhy43bn1Bn2
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH7jcmqijiD
「佢又打唔死我，為咗嗰少少快啲打完，求佢？你係我個妹，咁無骨氣？」380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGxlK6mrKVU
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfcyRgBBPN5
林蓁不知為何，竟然哭了起來。380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNfzTmbXkFT
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmHdUjqmbKM
「你仲喊！又唔係你畀人打！你仲要斟水畀阿爸！喊喊喊，你喊咩呀？」380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1kjuDCACO4
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFj9tXTTERV
姊妹二人，一連幾日沒有說過話。起初，林蓁還厚著面皮，將自己早餐的面包及腸仔分給家姐（父親罰家姐不準食飯），但被拒絕。後來，林蓁也生氣起來，心想你不理我我也不理你，便不再主動和家姐搭話。二人其實一直也留意對方，回頭時會對視，但只有一秒，都急急移開目光。380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGx86y3QKNZ
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOhqFYLXERb
直至父親又打家姐。380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwQZlDYfwJO
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnVI7SGf97o
原因並不特別，就是家姐食飯食得慢，父親生氣，便打她。380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe6xinX0B7C
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdoqaTbQBkE
家姐依然沒有說話，雖然流淚但沒有出聲。林蓁依然擁著弟弟瑟縮一角，只是，下一秒，她又想到，家姐生氣可能是因為以前她沒有出來維護家人，於是，她便鼓起勇氣，衝出來：380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCunEsGvpmO
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQwInFejMKD
「阿爸唔好再打啦！家姐知錯啦！」380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡki6lLJuuop
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdfV15ZJoAP
「佢知錯？咁佢唔講？」380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg02yfkll7a
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv5vlXr6aAT
「家姐真係知錯！」林蓁情不自禁地流淚起來：「你望吓！家姐喊！全面都係眼淚，佢只係唔好意思講咋嘛！」380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO2UlxX8Mqu
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6t6vV05n7C
「喊代表知錯咩？佢唔知有悔意喎！」380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb2WMlSacAw
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡklvHpHrdin
「真㗎真㗎！」林蓁撒謊：「上次你話完佢，佢話你講得啱㗎！」380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwDYkXM4SJJ
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq3kleQ6Iy4
「我無！」家姐搖頭。380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaYXXU7zGuu
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMUjBOW1D0R
「你唔好口硬啦，已經好多傷啦！」380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuTTrVVBqiP
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeOSbeIUIY7
「既然你哋咁講，今日就算，以後再駁嘴就打。」380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM3d3U3du9C
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjbPZUvKtun
「多謝阿爸。」380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvVs6XGNXqn
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWQpU49y6ho
家姐推了林蓁落地。380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIYWoKDkllu
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzzudtrqMho
「你做咩要咁講啊？做咪屈我啊？」380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5rub1SC8dP
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEaMGUswNtm
「我唔想阿爸再打你咋。」380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYKElImIDZE
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2HwdydnoTc
「你根本唔明，我被佢打係因為曳咩？佢想無啦啦打人咋！咁啱係我。你同佢求饒？以後佢都係會打㗎！同呢啲人講對唔住做咩？」380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa4uYVNIfv3
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjZCzFVKjPi
以往家姐怎樣被父親打，眼睛紅紅，但始終沒有哭出聲來。她在內心與己戰鬥：喊出嚟就輸。380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAxpJYPbbKZ
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwJG45DHysK
但現在，家姐越說越委屈，竟然哭了。380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbgCc6sHYs4
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVKTAPBJVGN
小小林蓁不明白，以為為家姐好。多年後，她才知道，家姐覺得林蓁擅作主張的求饒，是一種背叛。380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA9R3WdeIuW
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡELshgo63mA
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380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLJllvu0A2a
隨即，她去洗澡，在黑暗中淋浴，覺得一切都很靜，視覺的減退一併萎縮其他感官。380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxTNFEqCasJ
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM6hgRiqzVr
不知是否吃了藥的緣故，她比以往快入睡。380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxctYdNyfLH
然後按「加至主畫面」