然後，她去替人補習，如常地，五點半到達學生的家。學生是一對姊妹，輪流上課，每人一小時。七點半，她便離開，回家煮個公仔面食。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsU7WDd4P1L
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwO3BK0amq9
/537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ7clMamtno
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu83snEaalQ
這一年來，林蓁偶然回家睡覺，偶然在外過夜。要說「偶然」，好像並不準確，最近她與周立沖交好，時時留在他宿舍，但有時，她也天天回家，畢竟宿舍不是她的家。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4d2g9ftKv5
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5TGe8HBPjL
一家五口，她是二妹，也是二家姐，大家姐一早移居國外，弟弟則到外國讀書，家中只得她一個。以前，她忘記過自己有家姐，這幾年，快要連有弟弟也忘記。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyVpfnQUWdv
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrrRWZLYlUL
進門，燈火通明，林父在客廳看電視，背靠輪椅。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnK1jxEgnSs
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaWZhqC1k57
「林蓁，攞紙巾過嚟。」537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl9raXjLplk
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsF4Qb63KEH
他與那個口中怒吼「你跟我姓㗎！食我嘅住我嘅，我打死你都冇人知！」的父親形象已大大不同，經歷中風，身體羸弱的他一改舊日暴戾，平靜地如一般退休老人。現在，他需要倚靠女兒的照顧。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0yP4YHvDzO
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB0Pk0NJGKu
因此，像什麼事都沒有發生過一樣，與女兒「正常共對」。哪怕流露出一點點愧疚，林蓁也會好過一些。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsv2s5Q9EoK
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqGaUN6lcU3
她沒有刻意回憶舊事，但還是記得過往——537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwrgm7xJ82A
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs5XT0yXNTW
林父最初，只會打大家姐。大家姐長得高，人又聰明，時時駁嘴。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvc7xT5uNFF
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu8VOe91J3X
他心情不好便會打她。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSFVbHJXazJ
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj44dmeR3xL
大家姐多數不吭一聲，直直地瞪著父親，眼睛通紅。父親最討厭她這模樣，知道她現在不說話不求饒，為著平時他說些什麼時冷靜地反駁，他抄起飯桌上的鏡子，往她的膞頭骨打下去。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd2wnTGEBkH
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5cu3LKkF8z
一下一下打下去。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoe736aiNr3
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBoJPy2uLUj
「你唔聽話吖嘛？答我呀！我生你養你打死你都無問題呀！」537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ57u5l3xOyG
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9BxIr2J0Z4
「我無唔聽話呀！」537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRTTxGuKxQO
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh2g2U3ccvg
「仲講大話！」537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrPOzenZEUX
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdoqmqRLrrE
他捉住大家姐的頭髮，髮根吃痛，她便用腳爬到父親用力的方向，他更輕鬆地把她的頭按在地上。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOjIpXndfhO
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUUygEJQmHl
打人工具不多，或是說沒有特定工具，要麼隨手拿起便敲到身上，要麼單純用手打打打㩒㩒㩒刮刮刮。他那樣即興，像一份浪漫美意。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKvFqf5TCDG
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeRYoG2C9Ik
彼時林蓁和弟弟跪坐在房內，隔著一段距離，看爸爸和家姐。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0ZCRhNE4D6
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL1sCBaFMcl
「你哋兩個唔好似最大嗰件咁壞！如果唔係連你哋都打。」537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbd4MyZ9YIC
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDwOQHbTPlh
小小林蓁會忍不住哭出聲來。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv80Pm2muCd
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgGa3yChQAJ
她對父親恐懼，卻又覺得是家姐首先「曳」，所以才被父親打。她會出去，將攤在地上的家姐扶起，說：537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpzxR8qaTK3
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRXvE3lNFtg
「你以後都唔好激嬲阿爸啦。」537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUAJvpLtix7
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4nlSufZBWn
家姐只是拍開林蓁的手：「縮頭烏龜，唔使你可憐。」537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkgVu37ZuGS
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOtmdvLownx
媽媽回家，見到屋內一片死寂，也沒提什麼，只說：「開飯啦。」537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlpHH7b6iy5
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSdQBacRMRH
/537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt1DyhXGtDU
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIpy7KuT3pF
然後，林蓁把紙巾遞給父親，他抽出，用力呻鼻涕。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuzpwtzJXuC
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6IUZu5hgyQ
她去煮辛辣麵，不再另以碗裝住，就這樣捧著鍋吃，坐在客廳，沒有和父親看一樣的電視內容，只是看電話。新聞新聞，姜濤，譚仔，SASA特價，清潔工權利，腦袋卻無法裝載更多。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPArDZhjYBW
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWozVJMwGXo
快快吃完，她去洗鍋。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCznO10j76w
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRkmgYwrxog
林蓁從不會過分霸佔一個空間，即使長期留在一個地方，如家，如周立沖的宿舍，她的物件都沒有幾多。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5opkWsF5uW
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdvivS5l3xP
自小，父親便不喜歡她將玩具放出客廳，有次，她將一個小熊公仔放在沙發上，然後去廁所，出來時，便不見了小熊。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡha2kbcgwFm
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡChxvciqrWn
「熊仔去咗邊？」537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0vabKfB3td
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxLQrJRwJ6l
「我抌咗。」537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgW9pE8AdAP
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZBvzLDVlfX
「吓……」她小小聲，馬上到垃圾桶裡撿小熊，只見它對上有一堆橙皮、紙巾、洋蔥。倒是沒有哭，只不斷地用水沖涮小熊，又嗅了嗅，酸臭味仍然不走，加梘液，起泡刷。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjnTxiYeHqX
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡulZ38T9YpA
當時她已很怕父親，便不敢說什麼，只環抱小熊，在他面前行過，證明她對小熊不離不棄。從此，她不再將自己的東西，放在「不屬於自己」的地方，譬如客廳、廚房。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeJUIUmivgC
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9tKxMUDW2N
她在家霸佔的位置也越來越小，開始覺得多餘。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0NFoM7i4AY
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoEwMtyYCTt
此刻，斟了一杯水後，林蓁在父親面前吃藥，他的眼神依然死死盯著電視螢幕。她根本不必避諱。她是幸運的。在避談精神病的城裡，她的親人要麼離開了，要麼對她不管不顧，誰管她的死活呢。一個人的能量有限，她不必花心神在隱藏自己的狀態之上。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRGOif8GzQP
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNOrKv92rt2
和她一屋簷下的血親，甚至不知道她幾歲、唸什麼、將來會返咩工。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxWHjkOG8gY
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrIt2dZ3kSW
二人不會說話——反正她不會牽起話頭。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWH6Esh0hnu
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnhsk7lhw8N
和他，不知有什麼好講。每個家庭，也是如此麼——恐怕不是，畢竟她羨慕過別人家的融洽和睦。閉上屋門，死氣沉沉，只得腳步聲來來回回拖拉。對於她現在的一切，除了煞有介事地和輔導員講之外，就沒有辦法與人道，慢慢，她的語言能力也枯萎，必要說的事以外，連組織也困難。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ75QjIvuiMB
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg2PRLKvyti
有時，她會怨恨全屋人都走光，家姐一早撇下她，母親死了，細佬又走，得她一個留在家。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2pxhhmhA2X
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp89yXuFInP
家姐離開後，父親便找林蓁出氣，依然是拳打腳踢。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa3hwme94aK
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8lM26IESKa
但，她從來沒有「激嬲」父親。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmn4x8xYJ9Z
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn7JXEn29PG
/537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTKd7AgbqSC
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhMAuQy5IJF
那時，小小林蓁和家姐陷入一種莫名其妙的冷戰。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCOSNM7vkxW
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpA71iKGyvP
二人沒有吵架，只是，當林蓁叫家姐不要再惹父親生氣、又故作乖巧地斟水給他喝消消氣後，家姐每次見她，便沒有好臉色。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvEc6SsdHvt
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGRYOuwdeG7
作為二女兒，家庭的中間位置，平凡、不突出、不顯眼；林蓁擁有「希望所有人都喜歡自己」的渴望，否則，誰會關心她呢。家姐更聰明堅強，而弟弟是家中唯一男兒。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgYjYHSXech
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKyoknu7rfC
林蓁總是溫溫和和，不吵不鬧，她一早發現自己不是可以雲淡風輕的天之驕子，也沒有勇氣離經叛道做野孩子，要得到歡心和關注，只能做好自身，微笑對人，得體應答，天真可愛，人蓄無害——她有這樣的天賦。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡckeVuBe466
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP9TB9q2maN
她自覺喜歡充當人與人之間的潤滑劑，或者說是，討厭別人對立，每次如此，她不知道應該支持哪方。而且，別人若是熱鬧，又有誰看見只瑟縮的她呢。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc1lbKjEu0H
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKiMlIeo1fG
所以，每次家姐被父親打，林蓁也會看看家姐，問她痛不痛。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWcfKWfKCbw
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ06Ge8wOdxt
「你匿埋都唔緊要，你同細佬仲細，都無辦法攔到阿爸。但點解要叫我唔好激佢？」家姐說。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoj9xEpn5Yj
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8e7SbfMAyd
「我驚你畀佢打得更加犀利。」林蓁說。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeJ3xElrHF9
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡll8FVYl3VE
「唔係我令到佢打我㗎！係佢自己發神經㗎！」537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvCQO8J4S5Q
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJlnwVxn6YW
「咁佢打緊你嗰陣時，向佢求饒，等佢快啲打完啦……」537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgHx2QjQKB8
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxVVXdPWBp8
「佢又打唔死我，為咗嗰少少快啲打完，求佢？你係我個妹，咁無骨氣？」537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFW6pZHz5e7
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHEDGzPoj9w
林蓁不知為何，竟然哭了起來。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ7NXBS7dDE
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzrQv7XJEp0
「你仲喊！又唔係你畀人打！你仲要斟水畀阿爸！喊喊喊，你喊咩呀？」537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI0q1zsny0P
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxr49A3OKWB
姊妹二人，一連幾日沒有說過話。起初，林蓁還厚著面皮，將自己早餐的面包及腸仔分給家姐（父親罰家姐不準食飯），但被拒絕。後來，林蓁也生氣起來，心想你不理我我也不理你，便不再主動和家姐搭話。二人其實一直也留意對方，回頭時會對視，但只有一秒，都急急移開目光。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu6ILgMu9DS
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDITt3gxi5u
直至父親又打家姐。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIO7hQrT3Eo
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA2ZdBXj95r
原因並不特別，就是家姐食飯食得慢，父親生氣，便打她。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvPzgqBr5qx
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU2ZxJOA5hD
家姐依然沒有說話，雖然流淚但沒有出聲。林蓁依然擁著弟弟瑟縮一角，只是，下一秒，她又想到，家姐生氣可能是因為以前她沒有出來維護家人，於是，她便鼓起勇氣，衝出來：537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCQtfWmsD05
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI6pqkZcjOA
「阿爸唔好再打啦！家姐知錯啦！」537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdPpArWJkyL
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCX8tg2fIr2
「佢知錯？咁佢唔講？」537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB0drfv5Il5
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUBZMgPmZrk
「家姐真係知錯！」林蓁情不自禁地流淚起來：「你望吓！家姐喊！全面都係眼淚，佢只係唔好意思講咋嘛！」537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDkuWjhwWJR
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ883EV3gT0H
「喊代表知錯咩？佢唔知有悔意喎！」537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZLfpOo3mxq
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPe4Rkpj8U4
「真㗎真㗎！」林蓁撒謊：「上次你話完佢，佢話你講得啱㗎！」537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ51P87g2CI4
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr3UmVJQtWO
「我無！」家姐搖頭。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaiy1oaPgsA
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXCaoYI9dZJ
「你唔好口硬啦，已經好多傷啦！」537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfuxgiUAFth
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS0RhWvLbeB
「既然你哋咁講，今日就算，以後再駁嘴就打。」537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUWTmX12sHr
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaYaTDxgM4q
「多謝阿爸。」537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuD8hUQ02s9
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuAPVp0sa0K
家姐推了林蓁落地。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmQSloGhIEx
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFglFTbNy6Z
「你做咩要咁講啊？做咪屈我啊？」537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVvf3UpxLsz
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhDh9Lk0u9b
「我唔想阿爸再打你咋。」537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRNJsBqalCg
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGYEzOoVPiE
「你根本唔明，我被佢打係因為曳咩？佢想無啦啦打人咋！咁啱係我。你同佢求饒？以後佢都係會打㗎！同呢啲人講對唔住做咩？」537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBY6Mt7gDUR
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2FqcxS8X8F
以往家姐怎樣被父親打，眼睛紅紅，但始終沒有哭出聲來。她在內心與己戰鬥：喊出嚟就輸。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqm9BbO4hab
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡENqhNhxBbH
但現在，家姐越說越委屈，竟然哭了。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqKu6qKZDQ7
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgDxjBPiLLK
小小林蓁不明白，以為為家姐好。多年後，她才知道，家姐覺得林蓁擅作主張的求饒，是一種背叛。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHZ8Uw77GBH
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcyiQJwftkL
/
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFCcYmRkueN
隨即，她去洗澡，在黑暗中淋浴，覺得一切都很靜，視覺的減退一併萎縮其他感官。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjWo5RQg1tR
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGl2pV1cqBk
不知是否吃了藥的緣故，她比以往快入睡。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTH1ToF8M6s
and then Add to home screen.