然後，她去替人補習，如常地，五點半到達學生的家。學生是一對姊妹，輪流上課，每人一小時。七點半，她便離開，回家煮個公仔面食。352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTzlCZeRQ8X
352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBeRi3X4w7a
/352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTRV3two4Bk
352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5QsAWf0IsU
這一年來，林蓁偶然回家睡覺，偶然在外過夜。要說「偶然」，好像並不準確，最近她與周立沖交好，時時留在他宿舍，但有時，她也天天回家，畢竟宿舍不是她的家。352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAat79LPatR
352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPUVJgT1u8U
一家五口，她是二妹，也是二家姐，大家姐一早移居國外，弟弟則到外國讀書，家中只得她一個。以前，她忘記過自己有家姐，這幾年，快要連有弟弟也忘記。352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcSwiGHMbwf
352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdSU8Hsh9v0
進門，燈火通明，林父在客廳看電視，背靠輪椅。352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNFe0IiT8YT
352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxk0dW83LB8
「林蓁，攞紙巾過嚟。」352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTJBCPbDSsy
352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtVHzrrD2ZX
他與那個口中怒吼「你跟我姓㗎！食我嘅住我嘅，我打死你都冇人知！」的父親形象已大大不同，經歷中風，身體羸弱的他一改舊日暴戾，平靜地如一般退休老人。現在，他需要倚靠女兒的照顧。352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhXKQkrNE9J
352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5IwiyHC3HY
因此，像什麼事都沒有發生過一樣，與女兒「正常共對」。哪怕流露出一點點愧疚，林蓁也會好過一些。352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNuvLCNzMqg
352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtVtUbG5gh6
她沒有刻意回憶舊事，但還是記得過往——352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ6SjypxTr0
352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL0xldupJvd
林父最初，只會打大家姐。大家姐長得高，人又聰明，時時駁嘴。352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe3M4kWenIY
352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Z5TxhQSPX
他心情不好便會打她。352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6EgSsdyyH5
352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKnH1U4Wxaz
大家姐多數不吭一聲，直直地瞪著父親，眼睛通紅。父親最討厭她這模樣，知道她現在不說話不求饒，為著平時他說些什麼時冷靜地反駁，他抄起飯桌上的鏡子，往她的膞頭骨打下去。352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4jQhZgSsMg
352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3KyCAPqKVd
一下一下打下去。352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTTYh017hzx
352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD0Bqc917UB
「你唔聽話吖嘛？答我呀！我生你養你打死你都無問題呀！」352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPmKiabVrEC
352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ67MRayxNUE
「我無唔聽話呀！」352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIAwn5p35OM
352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1LwlMthOTM
「仲講大話！」352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZSCC7KcTCO
352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOqWgtl75Tm
他捉住大家姐的頭髮，髮根吃痛，她便用腳爬到父親用力的方向，他更輕鬆地把她的頭按在地上。352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW487SGBtGD
352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqkueFzbHcm
打人工具不多，或是說沒有特定工具，要麼隨手拿起便敲到身上，要麼單純用手打打打㩒㩒㩒刮刮刮。他那樣即興，像一份浪漫美意。352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn2sn7vKHbx
352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxwTYUBDmyp
彼時林蓁和弟弟跪坐在房內，隔著一段距離，看爸爸和家姐。352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCl8Xk3v8YD
352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCGBLdmqvds
「你哋兩個唔好似最大嗰件咁壞！如果唔係連你哋都打。」352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5wQZKhil8Z
352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYjztDORUWq
小小林蓁會忍不住哭出聲來。352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuNaBiVdZkr
352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx1VjyOFLYB
她對父親恐懼，卻又覺得是家姐首先「曳」，所以才被父親打。她會出去，將攤在地上的家姐扶起，說：352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4HCcSSy60N
352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu3lcdSSlsv
「你以後都唔好激嬲阿爸啦。」352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQt8x6BeNuY
352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR5uydQN4CK
家姐只是拍開林蓁的手：「縮頭烏龜，唔使你可憐。」352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzxoHbbfND9
352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPvDh7XnbeA
媽媽回家，見到屋內一片死寂，也沒提什麼，只說：「開飯啦。」352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx4pgRV42op
352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFeAZB05Cli
/352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWlqK2hv39I
352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ50cJj932rX
然後，林蓁把紙巾遞給父親，他抽出，用力呻鼻涕。352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5DFgnB2Ja8
352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0QIlzk2BdU
她去煮辛辣麵，不再另以碗裝住，就這樣捧著鍋吃，坐在客廳，沒有和父親看一樣的電視內容，只是看電話。新聞新聞，姜濤，譚仔，SASA特價，清潔工權利，腦袋卻無法裝載更多。352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBEyK6u879g
352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwjkEhgeb4Q
快快吃完，她去洗鍋。352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3krI7GNmVf
352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxCDY4jFkhT
林蓁從不會過分霸佔一個空間，即使長期留在一個地方，如家，如周立沖的宿舍，她的物件都沒有幾多。352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAQ73ZmF7Pm
352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyBGia83zIE
自小，父親便不喜歡她將玩具放出客廳，有次，她將一個小熊公仔放在沙發上，然後去廁所，出來時，便不見了小熊。352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡptrRCQs2fl
352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0q1HhYcYNu
「熊仔去咗邊？」352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKmFO1vVsO3
352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaKLFCXbpsa
「我抌咗。」352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQzv1MUFGnP
352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpqmJ4itXSW
「吓……」她小小聲，馬上到垃圾桶裡撿小熊，只見它對上有一堆橙皮、紙巾、洋蔥。倒是沒有哭，只不斷地用水沖涮小熊，又嗅了嗅，酸臭味仍然不走，加梘液，起泡刷。352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLSbbd98utG
352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdbPb6RyOUB
當時她已很怕父親，便不敢說什麼，只環抱小熊，在他面前行過，證明她對小熊不離不棄。從此，她不再將自己的東西，放在「不屬於自己」的地方，譬如客廳、廚房。352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8AO6lHLg8e
352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbdZaASQt7f
她在家霸佔的位置也越來越小，開始覺得多餘。352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBHueWBJwFE
352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf6zsKaLnWR
此刻，斟了一杯水後，林蓁在父親面前吃藥，他的眼神依然死死盯著電視螢幕。她根本不必避諱。她是幸運的。在避談精神病的城裡，她的親人要麼離開了，要麼對她不管不顧，誰管她的死活呢。一個人的能量有限，她不必花心神在隱藏自己的狀態之上。352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTjh86LWcAt
352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLQmZyWgPEH
和她一屋簷下的血親，甚至不知道她幾歲、唸什麼、將來會返咩工。352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmwIskeGzY0
352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0MRNM5xvTO
二人不會說話——反正她不會牽起話頭。352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFUfQtpPT40
352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVkfjEKL1C2
和他，不知有什麼好講。每個家庭，也是如此麼——恐怕不是，畢竟她羨慕過別人家的融洽和睦。閉上屋門，死氣沉沉，只得腳步聲來來回回拖拉。對於她現在的一切，除了煞有介事地和輔導員講之外，就沒有辦法與人道，慢慢，她的語言能力也枯萎，必要說的事以外，連組織也困難。352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgfVJdGwFeF
352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOcUAgcWO1e
有時，她會怨恨全屋人都走光，家姐一早撇下她，母親死了，細佬又走，得她一個留在家。352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIsA3upMyk3
352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQaJc4kwcME
家姐離開後，父親便找林蓁出氣，依然是拳打腳踢。352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ438OuVYO7Q
352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyOtOmx4xNn
但，她從來沒有「激嬲」父親。352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡztK64QYZka
352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3beB0HZ9No
/352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvQlZ4RZFwT
352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoxFc5p0o2g
那時，小小林蓁和家姐陷入一種莫名其妙的冷戰。352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEHzLC6xbg7
352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxb26T5Cfjv
二人沒有吵架，只是，當林蓁叫家姐不要再惹父親生氣、又故作乖巧地斟水給他喝消消氣後，家姐每次見她，便沒有好臉色。352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9P7YFUnWcn
352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS6XZSGSuPt
作為二女兒，家庭的中間位置，平凡、不突出、不顯眼；林蓁擁有「希望所有人都喜歡自己」的渴望，否則，誰會關心她呢。家姐更聰明堅強，而弟弟是家中唯一男兒。352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG0oyVI6k5n
352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFhxMLVbbHM
林蓁總是溫溫和和，不吵不鬧，她一早發現自己不是可以雲淡風輕的天之驕子，也沒有勇氣離經叛道做野孩子，要得到歡心和關注，只能做好自身，微笑對人，得體應答，天真可愛，人蓄無害——她有這樣的天賦。352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxUZsV5tdCI
352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWmYfDmxtA3
她自覺喜歡充當人與人之間的潤滑劑，或者說是，討厭別人對立，每次如此，她不知道應該支持哪方。而且，別人若是熱鬧，又有誰看見只瑟縮的她呢。352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtmYAaXPcFQ
352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmYGiP2Mvv5
所以，每次家姐被父親打，林蓁也會看看家姐，問她痛不痛。352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0mUoRapEfl
352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxYPiWWxCac
「你匿埋都唔緊要，你同細佬仲細，都無辦法攔到阿爸。但點解要叫我唔好激佢？」家姐說。352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡajNznSXgL0
352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9A9NfvBBqN
「我驚你畀佢打得更加犀利。」林蓁說。352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5RmttT2xfX
352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJvnKA6Zpft
「唔係我令到佢打我㗎！係佢自己發神經㗎！」352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJKFHAQjI00
352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZGz2fJCBod
「咁佢打緊你嗰陣時，向佢求饒，等佢快啲打完啦……」352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZZkFdu1gd5
352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC75lENWoDC
「佢又打唔死我，為咗嗰少少快啲打完，求佢？你係我個妹，咁無骨氣？」352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjsxRWmfofc
352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCnlF1w3Bwf
林蓁不知為何，竟然哭了起來。352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdhKmvbHd1W
352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpLABWoDjRE
「你仲喊！又唔係你畀人打！你仲要斟水畀阿爸！喊喊喊，你喊咩呀？」352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGW8lD2rQou
352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB6rF3bfeys
姊妹二人，一連幾日沒有說過話。起初，林蓁還厚著面皮，將自己早餐的面包及腸仔分給家姐（父親罰家姐不準食飯），但被拒絕。後來，林蓁也生氣起來，心想你不理我我也不理你，便不再主動和家姐搭話。二人其實一直也留意對方，回頭時會對視，但只有一秒，都急急移開目光。352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJU6VIxlgrI
352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHbwHculh5F
直至父親又打家姐。352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZZ2nVVrVj0
352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1bxsT3OEl1
原因並不特別，就是家姐食飯食得慢，父親生氣，便打她。352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmbv9kcJ7MA
352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwMj4fkP0fZ
家姐依然沒有說話，雖然流淚但沒有出聲。林蓁依然擁著弟弟瑟縮一角，只是，下一秒，她又想到，家姐生氣可能是因為以前她沒有出來維護家人，於是，她便鼓起勇氣，衝出來：352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwnACPC5ti2
352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWsRWJYA2jB
「阿爸唔好再打啦！家姐知錯啦！」352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlrpInBt7JG
352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRD2NRRSWGv
「佢知錯？咁佢唔講？」352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7tGrSX6y7N
352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXCpIMHrY2T
「家姐真係知錯！」林蓁情不自禁地流淚起來：「你望吓！家姐喊！全面都係眼淚，佢只係唔好意思講咋嘛！」352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoyUaRxSYgp
352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMSbqVBIM0r
「喊代表知錯咩？佢唔知有悔意喎！」352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCGSjaxAqHL
352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPagPSVlgj0
「真㗎真㗎！」林蓁撒謊：「上次你話完佢，佢話你講得啱㗎！」352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡovkyAeudtn
352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUCOJcAw55S
「我無！」家姐搖頭。352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsQq7j24sLg
352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡieemszakx6
「你唔好口硬啦，已經好多傷啦！」352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnFwiY6A0Wb
352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1qlP25bOhx
「既然你哋咁講，今日就算，以後再駁嘴就打。」352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAI5V9xBtuP
352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUskg7eXUoD
「多謝阿爸。」352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFOivTSWcej
352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡka0QYWec2E
家姐推了林蓁落地。352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpg6G89nT5Y
352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlgkAwvyzlY
「你做咩要咁講啊？做咪屈我啊？」352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7UBT8x2Qa3
352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXzyALllmTk
「我唔想阿爸再打你咋。」352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSJc3pl0zAp
352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBHbOqb28pA
「你根本唔明，我被佢打係因為曳咩？佢想無啦啦打人咋！咁啱係我。你同佢求饒？以後佢都係會打㗎！同呢啲人講對唔住做咩？」352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD3VWg0yANi
352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLPZVmDOuPx
以往家姐怎樣被父親打，眼睛紅紅，但始終沒有哭出聲來。她在內心與己戰鬥：喊出嚟就輸。352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡznCkHh5FzW
352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ23RRbhD343
但現在，家姐越說越委屈，竟然哭了。352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBnDVIOVcMY
352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1s1v7k6NRQ
小小林蓁不明白，以為為家姐好。多年後，她才知道，家姐覺得林蓁擅作主張的求饒，是一種背叛。352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ66045fqodZ
352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3lqVhTZSqq
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352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeWR8NkIAac
隨即，她去洗澡，在黑暗中淋浴，覺得一切都很靜，視覺的減退一併萎縮其他感官。352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvYEBY7E44k
352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe6Yw9U7fjU
不知是否吃了藥的緣故，她比以往快入睡。352Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW0yD5KNh5R
然後按「加至主畫面」