然後，她去替人補習，如常地，五點半到達學生的家。學生是一對姊妹，輪流上課，每人一小時。七點半，她便離開，回家煮個公仔面食。299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ24KCXiv6e1
299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlG7rLrJYq4
/299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgwbV0mopxr
299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVJJcfEweGt
這一年來，林蓁偶然回家睡覺，偶然在外過夜。要說「偶然」，好像並不準確，最近她與周立沖交好，時時留在他宿舍，但有時，她也天天回家，畢竟宿舍不是她的家。299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgD8gtUFSAz
299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHLitZq5xpX
一家五口，她是二妹，也是二家姐，大家姐一早移居國外，弟弟則到外國讀書，家中只得她一個。以前，她忘記過自己有家姐，這幾年，快要連有弟弟也忘記。299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHNtLbb5yDy
299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY2oqGoTYjM
進門，燈火通明，林父在客廳看電視，背靠輪椅。299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeFI3TVJmqR
299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1h74XTYoeH
「林蓁，攞紙巾過嚟。」299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfeYdpOa9Nm
299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8vKvJD0Lb4
他與那個口中怒吼「你跟我姓㗎！食我嘅住我嘅，我打死你都冇人知！」的父親形象已大大不同，經歷中風，身體羸弱的他一改舊日暴戾，平靜地如一般退休老人。現在，他需要倚靠女兒的照顧。299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW8qnQBAhE9
299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsfsFsjKP1V
因此，像什麼事都沒有發生過一樣，與女兒「正常共對」。哪怕流露出一點點愧疚，林蓁也會好過一些。299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNSAlzvZEIl
299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUzreZFn5jR
她沒有刻意回憶舊事，但還是記得過往——299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdalDTAbJ3n
299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3KMjL2WIHl
林父最初，只會打大家姐。大家姐長得高，人又聰明，時時駁嘴。299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd34tfV6P01
299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw8JSHxUbA6
他心情不好便會打她。299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrosD3bzrkx
299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ67pFcCzoO1
大家姐多數不吭一聲，直直地瞪著父親，眼睛通紅。父親最討厭她這模樣，知道她現在不說話不求饒，為著平時他說些什麼時冷靜地反駁，他抄起飯桌上的鏡子，往她的膞頭骨打下去。299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEAH3Sbuvko
299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJNeoI9hCwD
一下一下打下去。299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuGedw8SoTQ
299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeQXmuKfz9D
「你唔聽話吖嘛？答我呀！我生你養你打死你都無問題呀！」299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZlC5nQVjO4
299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAuRbTc9MtQ
「我無唔聽話呀！」299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ493sGk7DuF
299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxJEFxLsjNp
「仲講大話！」299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHGY7n9iBlU
299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOCfGPabnAt
他捉住大家姐的頭髮，髮根吃痛，她便用腳爬到父親用力的方向，他更輕鬆地把她的頭按在地上。299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ41nzGl2fwx
299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjBpFFKKtHT
打人工具不多，或是說沒有特定工具，要麼隨手拿起便敲到身上，要麼單純用手打打打㩒㩒㩒刮刮刮。他那樣即興，像一份浪漫美意。299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTvrw4YXgA1
299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZIQ4wrboi5
彼時林蓁和弟弟跪坐在房內，隔著一段距離，看爸爸和家姐。299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpxVeXsdRWQ
299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9j7FCnixQn
「你哋兩個唔好似最大嗰件咁壞！如果唔係連你哋都打。」299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNUvLDMxEIj
299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr91iIOvIMT
小小林蓁會忍不住哭出聲來。299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV8AYseATGw
299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQuuKUgigEU
她對父親恐懼，卻又覺得是家姐首先「曳」，所以才被父親打。她會出去，將攤在地上的家姐扶起，說：299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIrQuh1E2rY
299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZeFWPtWhsw
「你以後都唔好激嬲阿爸啦。」299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMcvwXRIvhZ
299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2b1GEUVMq5
家姐只是拍開林蓁的手：「縮頭烏龜，唔使你可憐。」299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWM2UsiyVib
299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡafwOpVq1Nq
媽媽回家，見到屋內一片死寂，也沒提什麼，只說：「開飯啦。」299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ55Q7zQF9PO
299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0j3scfJoCU
/299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9fYkz8EQ1u
299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3f2XS46BP2
然後，林蓁把紙巾遞給父親，他抽出，用力呻鼻涕。299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBo5VO1M83g
299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBVbPNWk25j
她去煮辛辣麵，不再另以碗裝住，就這樣捧著鍋吃，坐在客廳，沒有和父親看一樣的電視內容，只是看電話。新聞新聞，姜濤，譚仔，SASA特價，清潔工權利，腦袋卻無法裝載更多。299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYXHOXLeRjj
299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8xP8VFslXF
快快吃完，她去洗鍋。299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFuuniqqz1b
299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPhzWZoA1m7
林蓁從不會過分霸佔一個空間，即使長期留在一個地方，如家，如周立沖的宿舍，她的物件都沒有幾多。299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuRtDCEfhWQ
299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxqMASodsFG
自小，父親便不喜歡她將玩具放出客廳，有次，她將一個小熊公仔放在沙發上，然後去廁所，出來時，便不見了小熊。299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvVzbtA0QzN
299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaIBISdZP2f
「熊仔去咗邊？」299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBvvolWPM59
299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVot1yJOb6q
「我抌咗。」299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTG5Af4zy5a
299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYpthp91mla
「吓……」她小小聲，馬上到垃圾桶裡撿小熊，只見它對上有一堆橙皮、紙巾、洋蔥。倒是沒有哭，只不斷地用水沖涮小熊，又嗅了嗅，酸臭味仍然不走，加梘液，起泡刷。299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMX0pc2GDFM
299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWcWmZggzGN
當時她已很怕父親，便不敢說什麼，只環抱小熊，在他面前行過，證明她對小熊不離不棄。從此，她不再將自己的東西，放在「不屬於自己」的地方，譬如客廳、廚房。299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡatRwxtPxsO
299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmuIbQoN6l1
她在家霸佔的位置也越來越小，開始覺得多餘。299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGIHlUmRbFD
299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQcQJmKwW38
此刻，斟了一杯水後，林蓁在父親面前吃藥，他的眼神依然死死盯著電視螢幕。她根本不必避諱。她是幸運的。在避談精神病的城裡，她的親人要麼離開了，要麼對她不管不顧，誰管她的死活呢。一個人的能量有限，她不必花心神在隱藏自己的狀態之上。299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGChVCam0Ic
299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6KWU8OnTPx
和她一屋簷下的血親，甚至不知道她幾歲、唸什麼、將來會返咩工。299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRTP45YpyKN
299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7mERvZVhKP
二人不會說話——反正她不會牽起話頭。299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9qczUoAEtQ
299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2QXrjwvFWp
和他，不知有什麼好講。每個家庭，也是如此麼——恐怕不是，畢竟她羨慕過別人家的融洽和睦。閉上屋門，死氣沉沉，只得腳步聲來來回回拖拉。對於她現在的一切，除了煞有介事地和輔導員講之外，就沒有辦法與人道，慢慢，她的語言能力也枯萎，必要說的事以外，連組織也困難。299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK8QFTiz6FN
299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSB8AZz1x3N
有時，她會怨恨全屋人都走光，家姐一早撇下她，母親死了，細佬又走，得她一個留在家。299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL0bfu4Kjf5
299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡei3BZDK6Za
家姐離開後，父親便找林蓁出氣，依然是拳打腳踢。299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Nl3Vsshei
299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPdlxlcif2r
但，她從來沒有「激嬲」父親。299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMLW6x8bLeK
299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDoTMNDtnk5
/299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjHvZQmycmM
299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmUL2U2gZDn
那時，小小林蓁和家姐陷入一種莫名其妙的冷戰。299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6wnuzLL2DC
299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjSVc3ZaW0L
二人沒有吵架，只是，當林蓁叫家姐不要再惹父親生氣、又故作乖巧地斟水給他喝消消氣後，家姐每次見她，便沒有好臉色。299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3SXmf9boNO
299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGGb5cngjuO
作為二女兒，家庭的中間位置，平凡、不突出、不顯眼；林蓁擁有「希望所有人都喜歡自己」的渴望，否則，誰會關心她呢。家姐更聰明堅強，而弟弟是家中唯一男兒。299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH9B4YUQ6XI
299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYqGweyQEkD
林蓁總是溫溫和和，不吵不鬧，她一早發現自己不是可以雲淡風輕的天之驕子，也沒有勇氣離經叛道做野孩子，要得到歡心和關注，只能做好自身，微笑對人，得體應答，天真可愛，人蓄無害——她有這樣的天賦。299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUlYKZeoaVS
299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtA0gGI4Zs1
她自覺喜歡充當人與人之間的潤滑劑，或者說是，討厭別人對立，每次如此，她不知道應該支持哪方。而且，別人若是熱鬧，又有誰看見只瑟縮的她呢。299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjLqrTlmkHI
299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXl894lqJXH
所以，每次家姐被父親打，林蓁也會看看家姐，問她痛不痛。299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjOHZ2hhVCr
299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL1XHuid87j
「你匿埋都唔緊要，你同細佬仲細，都無辦法攔到阿爸。但點解要叫我唔好激佢？」家姐說。299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3SG0pwz3xO
299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0YuRUOHqWi
「我驚你畀佢打得更加犀利。」林蓁說。299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrhr5p1UHJi
299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡomW2Qj2uR1
「唔係我令到佢打我㗎！係佢自己發神經㗎！」299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgPc9cT1lz4
299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLoe87yOfFN
「咁佢打緊你嗰陣時，向佢求饒，等佢快啲打完啦……」299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWUqEWCs47h
299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhJbKFACAPv
「佢又打唔死我，為咗嗰少少快啲打完，求佢？你係我個妹，咁無骨氣？」299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡovaAtKrL7y
299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl6Hehld4LU
林蓁不知為何，竟然哭了起來。299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmEwkPXjJHy
299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1qyePyZqm3
「你仲喊！又唔係你畀人打！你仲要斟水畀阿爸！喊喊喊，你喊咩呀？」299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIWaivLMw3d
299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA2azaZbHpP
姊妹二人，一連幾日沒有說過話。起初，林蓁還厚著面皮，將自己早餐的面包及腸仔分給家姐（父親罰家姐不準食飯），但被拒絕。後來，林蓁也生氣起來，心想你不理我我也不理你，便不再主動和家姐搭話。二人其實一直也留意對方，回頭時會對視，但只有一秒，都急急移開目光。299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6JHoxqBlU2
299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbHZ3OgX4PD
直至父親又打家姐。299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeybGu2cVFg
299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq2CFkRA643
原因並不特別，就是家姐食飯食得慢，父親生氣，便打她。299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFFufpyXvts
299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLSwHvBaHET
家姐依然沒有說話，雖然流淚但沒有出聲。林蓁依然擁著弟弟瑟縮一角，只是，下一秒，她又想到，家姐生氣可能是因為以前她沒有出來維護家人，於是，她便鼓起勇氣，衝出來：299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgBKnZJlfS0
299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4HKLjru3Bl
「阿爸唔好再打啦！家姐知錯啦！」299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgIJtKfSfxb
299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvR84lNe1Z0
「佢知錯？咁佢唔講？」299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3l7wP0b6GD
299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzSsNvG8l7D
「家姐真係知錯！」林蓁情不自禁地流淚起來：「你望吓！家姐喊！全面都係眼淚，佢只係唔好意思講咋嘛！」299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvv0wufxAx0
299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6utwEWdFXP
「喊代表知錯咩？佢唔知有悔意喎！」299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡodxema06ox
299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeADuS8HTf7
「真㗎真㗎！」林蓁撒謊：「上次你話完佢，佢話你講得啱㗎！」299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn2R2ZaEtrq
299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtcZjZFpDIf
「我無！」家姐搖頭。299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSt91TXd51z
299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd1dT1VmVxZ
「你唔好口硬啦，已經好多傷啦！」299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7oyln3L6Fq
299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQIdaSCtVwC
「既然你哋咁講，今日就算，以後再駁嘴就打。」299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXAQZZzrcNl
299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIzM4zHjeAI
「多謝阿爸。」299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRfBrkPkcc1
299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU0mELZTKHO
家姐推了林蓁落地。299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjWCBYLluwh
299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhMZirgjnvf
「你做咩要咁講啊？做咪屈我啊？」299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfaBpgp6r4r
299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqpLdY2IKn5
「我唔想阿爸再打你咋。」299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzg3XEnAnBt
299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc0f0g7jwtT
「你根本唔明，我被佢打係因為曳咩？佢想無啦啦打人咋！咁啱係我。你同佢求饒？以後佢都係會打㗎！同呢啲人講對唔住做咩？」299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjpnZdMmpa7
299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlrlz98Q3QW
以往家姐怎樣被父親打，眼睛紅紅，但始終沒有哭出聲來。她在內心與己戰鬥：喊出嚟就輸。299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfzp0TroLGN
299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlvF6RxmOLT
但現在，家姐越說越委屈，竟然哭了。299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdPxjxwWO0h
299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz1bptt9Q6G
小小林蓁不明白，以為為家姐好。多年後，她才知道，家姐覺得林蓁擅作主張的求饒，是一種背叛。299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡST2BZ1HI7L
299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXQQERgIKEu
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299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwDkd7xKH2D
隨即，她去洗澡，在黑暗中淋浴，覺得一切都很靜，視覺的減退一併萎縮其他感官。299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiOf6RXx2WN
299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsq8KuwQXLp
不知是否吃了藥的緣故，她比以往快入睡。299Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOzZcGJ5U3M
然後按「加至主畫面」