然後，她去替人補習，如常地，五點半到達學生的家。學生是一對姊妹，輪流上課，每人一小時。七點半，她便離開，回家煮個公仔面食。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYVs1BViBR2
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW4aydXtqaN
/383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡixrJEGPXIZ
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw6LhjpqYMA
這一年來，林蓁偶然回家睡覺，偶然在外過夜。要說「偶然」，好像並不準確，最近她與周立沖交好，時時留在他宿舍，但有時，她也天天回家，畢竟宿舍不是她的家。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIWzo9rzOWz
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnEYE6iQhBc
一家五口，她是二妹，也是二家姐，大家姐一早移居國外，弟弟則到外國讀書，家中只得她一個。以前，她忘記過自己有家姐，這幾年，快要連有弟弟也忘記。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMEUDlTujCF
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3XJBc6PJlS
進門，燈火通明，林父在客廳看電視，背靠輪椅。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAw5t6fVDa2
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1ylx6KbZiS
「林蓁，攞紙巾過嚟。」383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0UpiwZY7KW
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHiwar1ELvg
他與那個口中怒吼「你跟我姓㗎！食我嘅住我嘅，我打死你都冇人知！」的父親形象已大大不同，經歷中風，身體羸弱的他一改舊日暴戾，平靜地如一般退休老人。現在，他需要倚靠女兒的照顧。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJnJV73gW0x
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx0RBcOGFIj
因此，像什麼事都沒有發生過一樣，與女兒「正常共對」。哪怕流露出一點點愧疚，林蓁也會好過一些。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuHj0rBlth7
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvIfqdeKJYm
她沒有刻意回憶舊事，但還是記得過往——383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKUn7Fz0XU8
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzvEDPnHlD3
林父最初，只會打大家姐。大家姐長得高，人又聰明，時時駁嘴。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjCpEh6fNav
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ22UEE7ZFT
他心情不好便會打她。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM1C5eTLsgi
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeOVxjOmH4Y
大家姐多數不吭一聲，直直地瞪著父親，眼睛通紅。父親最討厭她這模樣，知道她現在不說話不求饒，為著平時他說些什麼時冷靜地反駁，他抄起飯桌上的鏡子，往她的膞頭骨打下去。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD1shUUVHIr
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxUoyMvEVXx
一下一下打下去。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8oAGfDBMgz
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRIQGEPTQs3
「你唔聽話吖嘛？答我呀！我生你養你打死你都無問題呀！」383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIHCEkLU66s
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNio7xQF7ic
「我無唔聽話呀！」383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYRCg4cyCJE
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGwFzqBb8XT
「仲講大話！」383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Y4cYUjoA9
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Qn75TMMSU
他捉住大家姐的頭髮，髮根吃痛，她便用腳爬到父親用力的方向，他更輕鬆地把她的頭按在地上。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKn4jc88rvg
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrBIHQz7M0D
打人工具不多，或是說沒有特定工具，要麼隨手拿起便敲到身上，要麼單純用手打打打㩒㩒㩒刮刮刮。他那樣即興，像一份浪漫美意。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡovQuAE1ONX
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgFIHgsLbYm
彼時林蓁和弟弟跪坐在房內，隔著一段距離，看爸爸和家姐。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNDYiUyIerB
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ15l1QRuswL
「你哋兩個唔好似最大嗰件咁壞！如果唔係連你哋都打。」383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM4b5W52CyC
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡucrluivOt2
小小林蓁會忍不住哭出聲來。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtAox4BQeab
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy8GWGrnmqj
她對父親恐懼，卻又覺得是家姐首先「曳」，所以才被父親打。她會出去，將攤在地上的家姐扶起，說：383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk8I3NmZmQh
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYfNUL0a0XN
「你以後都唔好激嬲阿爸啦。」383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGkYPoLuUWY
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeQXpSKq9SH
家姐只是拍開林蓁的手：「縮頭烏龜，唔使你可憐。」383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqIW6cafRT8
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2rcN5NZP3J
媽媽回家，見到屋內一片死寂，也沒提什麼，只說：「開飯啦。」383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyQnmDii6W0
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd4Tsw6nDWj
/383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwbK6N59nko
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdigPmcXLSU
然後，林蓁把紙巾遞給父親，他抽出，用力呻鼻涕。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtD0BMeSCDA
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXQFjxBoSdZ
她去煮辛辣麵，不再另以碗裝住，就這樣捧著鍋吃，坐在客廳，沒有和父親看一樣的電視內容，只是看電話。新聞新聞，姜濤，譚仔，SASA特價，清潔工權利，腦袋卻無法裝載更多。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXKd77q6gLB
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXVgE0ht8W4
快快吃完，她去洗鍋。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2lLEQbImj5
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg4cft3TI3O
林蓁從不會過分霸佔一個空間，即使長期留在一個地方，如家，如周立沖的宿舍，她的物件都沒有幾多。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKUsrou1vlP
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL6ESZ2UKIR
自小，父親便不喜歡她將玩具放出客廳，有次，她將一個小熊公仔放在沙發上，然後去廁所，出來時，便不見了小熊。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW7xa627O3K
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfmtwW1uAmu
「熊仔去咗邊？」383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxWKnsV6JGI
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcVgVGPMVIb
「我抌咗。」383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4OYvlKFRMg
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwZhCn3OxQh
「吓……」她小小聲，馬上到垃圾桶裡撿小熊，只見它對上有一堆橙皮、紙巾、洋蔥。倒是沒有哭，只不斷地用水沖涮小熊，又嗅了嗅，酸臭味仍然不走，加梘液，起泡刷。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH61dP4CgQX
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmT9ARGXWLc
當時她已很怕父親，便不敢說什麼，只環抱小熊，在他面前行過，證明她對小熊不離不棄。從此，她不再將自己的東西，放在「不屬於自己」的地方，譬如客廳、廚房。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJG6RfewEMZ
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHqtQbIrJwV
她在家霸佔的位置也越來越小，開始覺得多餘。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEfCTwuP1M6
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrCHErKyOJ3
此刻，斟了一杯水後，林蓁在父親面前吃藥，他的眼神依然死死盯著電視螢幕。她根本不必避諱。她是幸運的。在避談精神病的城裡，她的親人要麼離開了，要麼對她不管不顧，誰管她的死活呢。一個人的能量有限，她不必花心神在隱藏自己的狀態之上。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUU9YTpbEO2
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbhMKItfhFO
和她一屋簷下的血親，甚至不知道她幾歲、唸什麼、將來會返咩工。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡllEZprOYm7
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQXCm3n8o9E
二人不會說話——反正她不會牽起話頭。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtsEy6gE6SN
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb8zMLO5Mp2
和他，不知有什麼好講。每個家庭，也是如此麼——恐怕不是，畢竟她羨慕過別人家的融洽和睦。閉上屋門，死氣沉沉，只得腳步聲來來回回拖拉。對於她現在的一切，除了煞有介事地和輔導員講之外，就沒有辦法與人道，慢慢，她的語言能力也枯萎，必要說的事以外，連組織也困難。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUxdxjnto4u
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCiDuqxrOs3
有時，她會怨恨全屋人都走光，家姐一早撇下她，母親死了，細佬又走，得她一個留在家。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ56CiA7Zo1x
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRArSkS0RY7
家姐離開後，父親便找林蓁出氣，依然是拳打腳踢。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKIJ6oSGBc2
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Yl9FPn9R3
但，她從來沒有「激嬲」父親。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl5vIxxUnJJ
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv66iTUyn6y
/383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCeNoRLadgM
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKBJhxq2zoS
那時，小小林蓁和家姐陷入一種莫名其妙的冷戰。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ07f4sEaUVx
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡij6bHqS8Eh
二人沒有吵架，只是，當林蓁叫家姐不要再惹父親生氣、又故作乖巧地斟水給他喝消消氣後，家姐每次見她，便沒有好臉色。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡksTx38DGsH
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK3qKo2Yxli
作為二女兒，家庭的中間位置，平凡、不突出、不顯眼；林蓁擁有「希望所有人都喜歡自己」的渴望，否則，誰會關心她呢。家姐更聰明堅強，而弟弟是家中唯一男兒。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr7m2EC0lRj
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT0RQjxNPDr
林蓁總是溫溫和和，不吵不鬧，她一早發現自己不是可以雲淡風輕的天之驕子，也沒有勇氣離經叛道做野孩子，要得到歡心和關注，只能做好自身，微笑對人，得體應答，天真可愛，人蓄無害——她有這樣的天賦。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5LhcooeWiM
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlDq0ykyTAg
她自覺喜歡充當人與人之間的潤滑劑，或者說是，討厭別人對立，每次如此，她不知道應該支持哪方。而且，別人若是熱鬧，又有誰看見只瑟縮的她呢。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡosfb22MvtA
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwlmKYEoetF
所以，每次家姐被父親打，林蓁也會看看家姐，問她痛不痛。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpnhD6xNS3l
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ99D1LbLeXi
「你匿埋都唔緊要，你同細佬仲細，都無辦法攔到阿爸。但點解要叫我唔好激佢？」家姐說。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbT9ydNFZcp
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF6al05CZKQ
「我驚你畀佢打得更加犀利。」林蓁說。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnJTUCztIQM
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLNnYfWnaNz
「唔係我令到佢打我㗎！係佢自己發神經㗎！」383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT44K7lZDp6
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXdcxPwX5Xm
「咁佢打緊你嗰陣時，向佢求饒，等佢快啲打完啦……」383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDBkeEiY5lL
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoopckL6B1r
「佢又打唔死我，為咗嗰少少快啲打完，求佢？你係我個妹，咁無骨氣？」383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq8VeZ65wyv
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtO5vkTz9Ta
林蓁不知為何，竟然哭了起來。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnt0r9EYbe8
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRanucjhwX7
「你仲喊！又唔係你畀人打！你仲要斟水畀阿爸！喊喊喊，你喊咩呀？」383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhRwOL4T7FZ
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo1dNErq0Ir
姊妹二人，一連幾日沒有說過話。起初，林蓁還厚著面皮，將自己早餐的面包及腸仔分給家姐（父親罰家姐不準食飯），但被拒絕。後來，林蓁也生氣起來，心想你不理我我也不理你，便不再主動和家姐搭話。二人其實一直也留意對方，回頭時會對視，但只有一秒，都急急移開目光。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO37fmfw9EQ
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ADyug7S0J
直至父親又打家姐。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRpJ048Fe3c
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKrTfYx30FF
原因並不特別，就是家姐食飯食得慢，父親生氣，便打她。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLJEzb02vk3
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Z39bmzczp
家姐依然沒有說話，雖然流淚但沒有出聲。林蓁依然擁著弟弟瑟縮一角，只是，下一秒，她又想到，家姐生氣可能是因為以前她沒有出來維護家人，於是，她便鼓起勇氣，衝出來：383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiGQNE9GssO
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdHoRbYKM8l
「阿爸唔好再打啦！家姐知錯啦！」383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiSJBPnOGSq
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5kmv0FqaUQ
「佢知錯？咁佢唔講？」383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡefbyTe0fmJ
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWmCsfPTlPh
「家姐真係知錯！」林蓁情不自禁地流淚起來：「你望吓！家姐喊！全面都係眼淚，佢只係唔好意思講咋嘛！」383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiQ39vQ1sjI
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaTwoXGguCh
「喊代表知錯咩？佢唔知有悔意喎！」383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPqucGeSHAU
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDnp2bzIpma
「真㗎真㗎！」林蓁撒謊：「上次你話完佢，佢話你講得啱㗎！」383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNM5ENtocgO
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpfZxA06DuH
「我無！」家姐搖頭。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWVP6pkB0n1
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPjNT1xO60v
「你唔好口硬啦，已經好多傷啦！」383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9PcqbpcIhV
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFb1EbzfCvH
「既然你哋咁講，今日就算，以後再駁嘴就打。」383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7FkzYXbgFC
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiPBJlwPBBu
「多謝阿爸。」383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYPmYtiRYoX
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLBQKzJaRkX
家姐推了林蓁落地。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhSZUbGsDIg
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJktQ2AWbaY
「你做咩要咁講啊？做咪屈我啊？」383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCU6HEPMCKu
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB9itc00W5e
「我唔想阿爸再打你咋。」383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmDeU73dTLS
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuJcujUEJIc
「你根本唔明，我被佢打係因為曳咩？佢想無啦啦打人咋！咁啱係我。你同佢求饒？以後佢都係會打㗎！同呢啲人講對唔住做咩？」383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKWGimRh33E
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKByaEhk7ij
以往家姐怎樣被父親打，眼睛紅紅，但始終沒有哭出聲來。她在內心與己戰鬥：喊出嚟就輸。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8el3J5mFgZ
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9yc2oiRin4
但現在，家姐越說越委屈，竟然哭了。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrsCuBMJfro
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKSxH835i34
小小林蓁不明白，以為為家姐好。多年後，她才知道，家姐覺得林蓁擅作主張的求饒，是一種背叛。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡajXa8eMRmo
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe4acmbO4Nv
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383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqYqrDkT6wn
隨即，她去洗澡，在黑暗中淋浴，覺得一切都很靜，視覺的減退一併萎縮其他感官。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfpg2jFxwhN
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeRdpUaJRjS
不知是否吃了藥的緣故，她比以往快入睡。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCKti7SxqHn
然後按「加至主畫面」