然後，她去替人補習，如常地，五點半到達學生的家。學生是一對姊妹，輪流上課，每人一小時。七點半，她便離開，回家煮個公仔面食。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡORs8rJczPf
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXWZA8ChHHy
/537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNd0Gxa9bHW
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7mI4CnfMDX
這一年來，林蓁偶然回家睡覺，偶然在外過夜。要說「偶然」，好像並不準確，最近她與周立沖交好，時時留在他宿舍，但有時，她也天天回家，畢竟宿舍不是她的家。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv0v3hGo7Y6
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuc3bu1vJsy
一家五口，她是二妹，也是二家姐，大家姐一早移居國外，弟弟則到外國讀書，家中只得她一個。以前，她忘記過自己有家姐，這幾年，快要連有弟弟也忘記。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNHJT0olu45
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJLCdnPGKRB
進門，燈火通明，林父在客廳看電視，背靠輪椅。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR0FlflQpZb
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡptFyKQJvgg
「林蓁，攞紙巾過嚟。」537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLBEDTA2jFV
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeNAV6CmNS7
他與那個口中怒吼「你跟我姓㗎！食我嘅住我嘅，我打死你都冇人知！」的父親形象已大大不同，經歷中風，身體羸弱的他一改舊日暴戾，平靜地如一般退休老人。現在，他需要倚靠女兒的照顧。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGnCo9ek684
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYaaTu84i5q
因此，像什麼事都沒有發生過一樣，與女兒「正常共對」。哪怕流露出一點點愧疚，林蓁也會好過一些。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb0IAGWHHKn
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiFX12rk0Mi
她沒有刻意回憶舊事，但還是記得過往——537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqDcY7altGs
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9JNKAYVjAv
林父最初，只會打大家姐。大家姐長得高，人又聰明，時時駁嘴。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq8a4M7jJ9w
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIGnVdEktmE
他心情不好便會打她。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1xoO0fOCJq
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfnwFAoxYNS
大家姐多數不吭一聲，直直地瞪著父親，眼睛通紅。父親最討厭她這模樣，知道她現在不說話不求饒，為著平時他說些什麼時冷靜地反駁，他抄起飯桌上的鏡子，往她的膞頭骨打下去。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHV0a0qRamc
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPL2LIDXbk8
一下一下打下去。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcMHe7oc5jl
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuf2ZL8yI7M
「你唔聽話吖嘛？答我呀！我生你養你打死你都無問題呀！」537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNpWQ96Xu7r
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgsj1QH4I2B
「我無唔聽話呀！」537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2cwynvRGan
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdzcWZRTCo1
「仲講大話！」537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgNs9lJvICr
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZDaq65zZSs
他捉住大家姐的頭髮，髮根吃痛，她便用腳爬到父親用力的方向，他更輕鬆地把她的頭按在地上。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyXyMotYEa4
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxfBaqU7yEA
打人工具不多，或是說沒有特定工具，要麼隨手拿起便敲到身上，要麼單純用手打打打㩒㩒㩒刮刮刮。他那樣即興，像一份浪漫美意。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡflx3xswl1p
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFPyaVxyhAU
彼時林蓁和弟弟跪坐在房內，隔著一段距離，看爸爸和家姐。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPsDWrpPWH4
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPJlNhb2fda
「你哋兩個唔好似最大嗰件咁壞！如果唔係連你哋都打。」537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY7vakJvqBC
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡztZvsCQ9tW
小小林蓁會忍不住哭出聲來。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPd8qGBpGv4
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDCefqGLT05
她對父親恐懼，卻又覺得是家姐首先「曳」，所以才被父親打。她會出去，將攤在地上的家姐扶起，說：537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9RhKNIo8H1
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCkCVy1nVpp
「你以後都唔好激嬲阿爸啦。」537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3cV15cSqTm
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX3DVpSMYAz
家姐只是拍開林蓁的手：「縮頭烏龜，唔使你可憐。」537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7uBLuEp5hj
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ieWR21vdm
媽媽回家，見到屋內一片死寂，也沒提什麼，只說：「開飯啦。」537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH7qTlg34MR
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9OJys1Cudi
/537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM4LA2bj4qW
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ51lj81PDqg
然後，林蓁把紙巾遞給父親，他抽出，用力呻鼻涕。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7cAyAcQtoo
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiooa43FBH3
她去煮辛辣麵，不再另以碗裝住，就這樣捧著鍋吃，坐在客廳，沒有和父親看一樣的電視內容，只是看電話。新聞新聞，姜濤，譚仔，SASA特價，清潔工權利，腦袋卻無法裝載更多。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZOuzctL5wR
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWF9Viui3hI
快快吃完，她去洗鍋。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFtilQJWCBO
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT4frUB2DKJ
林蓁從不會過分霸佔一個空間，即使長期留在一個地方，如家，如周立沖的宿舍，她的物件都沒有幾多。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy01JCBuepW
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7xF3pDOuKJ
自小，父親便不喜歡她將玩具放出客廳，有次，她將一個小熊公仔放在沙發上，然後去廁所，出來時，便不見了小熊。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgthEPZIktX
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBaqfrV3keS
「熊仔去咗邊？」537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIo7OiAPkos
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCMxtpzKMTZ
「我抌咗。」537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡikkRVMw2Z9
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuwCxaM5Q28
「吓……」她小小聲，馬上到垃圾桶裡撿小熊，只見它對上有一堆橙皮、紙巾、洋蔥。倒是沒有哭，只不斷地用水沖涮小熊，又嗅了嗅，酸臭味仍然不走，加梘液，起泡刷。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbYecvDbIbC
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRbsZztYB4o
當時她已很怕父親，便不敢說什麼，只環抱小熊，在他面前行過，證明她對小熊不離不棄。從此，她不再將自己的東西，放在「不屬於自己」的地方，譬如客廳、廚房。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsSzLONTJoj
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡib2KtvqeM0
她在家霸佔的位置也越來越小，開始覺得多餘。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgWqYQxchTi
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYHtOe1Atxx
此刻，斟了一杯水後，林蓁在父親面前吃藥，他的眼神依然死死盯著電視螢幕。她根本不必避諱。她是幸運的。在避談精神病的城裡，她的親人要麼離開了，要麼對她不管不顧，誰管她的死活呢。一個人的能量有限，她不必花心神在隱藏自己的狀態之上。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUUgiKvcI4Z
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbtDszOO42p
和她一屋簷下的血親，甚至不知道她幾歲、唸什麼、將來會返咩工。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAcOMhV6fCV
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAbvhrvz2YM
二人不會說話——反正她不會牽起話頭。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqA0K1C23OB
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnkumpT8Iwr
和他，不知有什麼好講。每個家庭，也是如此麼——恐怕不是，畢竟她羨慕過別人家的融洽和睦。閉上屋門，死氣沉沉，只得腳步聲來來回回拖拉。對於她現在的一切，除了煞有介事地和輔導員講之外，就沒有辦法與人道，慢慢，她的語言能力也枯萎，必要說的事以外，連組織也困難。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4im7cqDEcQ
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhYqC0aX77G
有時，她會怨恨全屋人都走光，家姐一早撇下她，母親死了，細佬又走，得她一個留在家。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYpCjgz6w5M
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKodWIScME5
家姐離開後，父親便找林蓁出氣，依然是拳打腳踢。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzLAAYuYghf
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHIkA0dPOXi
但，她從來沒有「激嬲」父親。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU3MkSkMEmA
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7rEPK3SAqb
/537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuR9399JXgT
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaFemAtaaGa
那時，小小林蓁和家姐陷入一種莫名其妙的冷戰。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYAQVp9IuI6
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu5T1BVLSRA
二人沒有吵架，只是，當林蓁叫家姐不要再惹父親生氣、又故作乖巧地斟水給他喝消消氣後，家姐每次見她，便沒有好臉色。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ35psGqdflS
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFAuLwlqw0P
作為二女兒，家庭的中間位置，平凡、不突出、不顯眼；林蓁擁有「希望所有人都喜歡自己」的渴望，否則，誰會關心她呢。家姐更聰明堅強，而弟弟是家中唯一男兒。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsFW7DAhKsP
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGUAMqYk9vi
林蓁總是溫溫和和，不吵不鬧，她一早發現自己不是可以雲淡風輕的天之驕子，也沒有勇氣離經叛道做野孩子，要得到歡心和關注，只能做好自身，微笑對人，得體應答，天真可愛，人蓄無害——她有這樣的天賦。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsyVi7B9I0z
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMZsZFCB3YA
她自覺喜歡充當人與人之間的潤滑劑，或者說是，討厭別人對立，每次如此，她不知道應該支持哪方。而且，別人若是熱鬧，又有誰看見只瑟縮的她呢。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOOYAKOTIoH
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUXstLklEmT
所以，每次家姐被父親打，林蓁也會看看家姐，問她痛不痛。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6f5h5fm1iH
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrfZ0Caqv7Q
「你匿埋都唔緊要，你同細佬仲細，都無辦法攔到阿爸。但點解要叫我唔好激佢？」家姐說。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWUHMJflGDH
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAZ2EPCgN6z
「我驚你畀佢打得更加犀利。」林蓁說。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhmhjgNFlig
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2YVvVsv17r
「唔係我令到佢打我㗎！係佢自己發神經㗎！」537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzfWpmOKZH0
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe4G82VDlsr
「咁佢打緊你嗰陣時，向佢求饒，等佢快啲打完啦……」537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdvyrywtwKq
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJrdQ2nwRIq
「佢又打唔死我，為咗嗰少少快啲打完，求佢？你係我個妹，咁無骨氣？」537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLfOY5P7CDo
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOHM3HryB7S
林蓁不知為何，竟然哭了起來。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvUPY8OYybx
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtjJvkWsjul
「你仲喊！又唔係你畀人打！你仲要斟水畀阿爸！喊喊喊，你喊咩呀？」537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkDRGgQfvrT
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzIUjdWdD66
姊妹二人，一連幾日沒有說過話。起初，林蓁還厚著面皮，將自己早餐的面包及腸仔分給家姐（父親罰家姐不準食飯），但被拒絕。後來，林蓁也生氣起來，心想你不理我我也不理你，便不再主動和家姐搭話。二人其實一直也留意對方，回頭時會對視，但只有一秒，都急急移開目光。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG4jlSYtaZM
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsN30Nb6vBX
直至父親又打家姐。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRUbqdicoTy
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDQFZtHQKr6
原因並不特別，就是家姐食飯食得慢，父親生氣，便打她。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3XLArXBu1T
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY6OIg1pwRv
家姐依然沒有說話，雖然流淚但沒有出聲。林蓁依然擁著弟弟瑟縮一角，只是，下一秒，她又想到，家姐生氣可能是因為以前她沒有出來維護家人，於是，她便鼓起勇氣，衝出來：537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9CzlXaqzQh
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU0SvwFJSwh
「阿爸唔好再打啦！家姐知錯啦！」537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3XTWBKfkv9
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ieE8cNqHj
「佢知錯？咁佢唔講？」537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO3KTq9ZIkQ
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNB2y6NTvIM
「家姐真係知錯！」林蓁情不自禁地流淚起來：「你望吓！家姐喊！全面都係眼淚，佢只係唔好意思講咋嘛！」537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVfpX3VSkxR
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBBK7UN4qEE
「喊代表知錯咩？佢唔知有悔意喎！」537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXrWjfHWc35
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGKdEKWp9y2
「真㗎真㗎！」林蓁撒謊：「上次你話完佢，佢話你講得啱㗎！」537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Fqf93VHmC
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb0OAQpcmcT
「我無！」家姐搖頭。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJuORuYF4zJ
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdgcnnyJdIs
「你唔好口硬啦，已經好多傷啦！」537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz56zYunA2h
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI0VSOkLA0Q
「既然你哋咁講，今日就算，以後再駁嘴就打。」537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRJisHwQsbD
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTr8n9afKfa
「多謝阿爸。」537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5saA9Nf6Rm
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVtwlqkwJPP
家姐推了林蓁落地。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvO90fXLagB
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPUiaBGYm3E
「你做咩要咁講啊？做咪屈我啊？」537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTSRE1kb5X6
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0sloRshqP9
「我唔想阿爸再打你咋。」537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ03chAlAF6W
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO09zt5I6U4
「你根本唔明，我被佢打係因為曳咩？佢想無啦啦打人咋！咁啱係我。你同佢求饒？以後佢都係會打㗎！同呢啲人講對唔住做咩？」537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Xt7vcg8t8
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2s0AbjMPKB
以往家姐怎樣被父親打，眼睛紅紅，但始終沒有哭出聲來。她在內心與己戰鬥：喊出嚟就輸。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBG8NI1w9HZ
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfeLK6g7mGg
但現在，家姐越說越委屈，竟然哭了。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo3sxkW3PSW
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMcBP7ewTRS
小小林蓁不明白，以為為家姐好。多年後，她才知道，家姐覺得林蓁擅作主張的求饒，是一種背叛。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3CxkKBXeOV
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgUPhGENjnK
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537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUOWPnRQ9Pg
隨即，她去洗澡，在黑暗中淋浴，覺得一切都很靜，視覺的減退一併萎縮其他感官。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz300tapsqr
537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAP94LB0JpC
不知是否吃了藥的緣故，她比以往快入睡。537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2bb85PywsF
and then Add to home screen.