在很久很久前，大概在中一的時候，林蓁喜歡過一個男生。518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8n3ac5nBo4
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoIcdcmz203
當時，她比廿一歲的自己還重四公斤，還戴黑框眼鏡，臉上還有一些痘痘。比起廿一歲，十二歲的她自然是不懂打扮。518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCTirxHDVSB
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ19sFfyeLju
那個男生，暫稱他為Y先生，是她的鄰座，平時二人會互相問功課，她文科好，他理科好，因此才打開話題。他和大部分男同學一樣，小息時也會圍在一角，通常玩BS卡，或者約放學後打LOL。518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPo2Aac9Oko
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3nazsih4pF
原本，二人一直不熟，林蓁對Y先生無感，畢竟她平常只和女生玩。518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN2FgtL110Y
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXIS0uL6FPe
直到，第一次她月經來潮，當時在上課，她只感到下體濕濕的，站起來後，則被後桌的男同學大聲說：518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡea647jBues
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQSMfKSN7pq
「你條裙有血！」518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgkMSGe23fE
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Hs5yOyoAf
白色的校裙上有一撻小小的跡，還未凝固結塊，像一朵剛開的花。然後，其他人也跟著起哄。518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡitLlYZICUP
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtCpBqJgeJZ
「大個女啦。」518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkn8DQ7aOwP
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQSpvT7ZFHS
「哎吔，快啲坐返低。」518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSwuEHbgnzj
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNQp4xhKxEJ
「去廁所清理吓。」518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyyD5p3o07r
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq1xCOpApYm
她腦袋一片空白，無法反應，對於自己竟對月經不知所措——更加不知所措。她沒有郁動，等到Y先生脫下毛衣，圍在她腰上，遮住裙子。他拍一拍她，著她去洗手間。518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdJfKPtttl9
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxsjWcr8HEd
自從這一次，她就感到自己好像喜歡了Y先生。518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnmbLuhhyBb
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBLWJASyiGF
當時心思單純，對一個人有意，就寫在臉上，明明晃晃，無遮無掩。Y先生的笑話不一定好笑，但她一定會笑，而且是盡力地笑，咧開嘴角便見不夠整齊的牙，還會嬌嬌地眉眼彎彎。518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEqN2xqtiSx
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv9Km3k6spp
早上，她先到校，便自願替他到儲物櫃拿當日要用的書。一年一度的社際運動比賽，她會買飲品、小食給他。總在製造偶遇機會，遲他幾秒出課室去洗手間，然後假裝在路上一同回程，碰見，傾多兩嘴。518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcbFOkUgwhj
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvtB9AU0Pq3
好友說她的心意很明顯，她沒有說什麼，只是怯怯地睜大眼，再四處張望，確定身邊沒有人聽見這段對話。518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOdPcbIYiGL
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxFLq6iRglp
終於，有一天，放學後，她知道Y先生會留在課室，便打算一起坐在座位上靜靜溫習。518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcEBHfPsCoC
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdlezcrjFuf
但到她折返課室，聽見他和同學的對話——518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb9vBlD2WlD
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCI5DTRX3Tl
「林蓁係咪同你有路？好殷勤喎。」518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLwbPmlvztZ
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe7LhiQRltR
「咪係囉，又睇你比賽，又送水又送糧！」518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1PBhB71YPu
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPtpUkF9r6n
「仲有啲眼神好痴纏，一唔講嘢就笑住咁望你。」518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr6aYvGy91j
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXXUbZ1bPxP
「咦～實係有嘢啦。」518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPZESklG4G2
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc7blwHzfFR
她聽見，竟然有點開心。理論上，她在暗戀，可是愛一個人至世上無人知曉，卻是委屈的。她更加期待Y先生的反應。518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjIlE2Wswer
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxyxyi64owM
只聽見他說：518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1IKYLTPJuh
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBUPckFv3uZ
「吓！咪玩啦，豬扒嚟，我先唔會鍾意佢。」518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtB0NAaVnhy
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3nhOdSEtFB
林蓁心下一沉。518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtGDUuG4j8y
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8tMTYq025T
「你哋幾親㗎喎。」同學說。518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡASBDy69aHa
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDZAmphZENK
她又想，會不會是他口硬？518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtesooKt7fd
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsSLSWrPiVp
「佢係都要痴埋嚟咋嘛，呢啲豬閪，我鍾意佢就真係柒頭啦。」518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl8FxPxKahK
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv2z41bgHs3
「哇！睇嚟你係柒頭！」同學說。518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSXyGHSC8zv
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI3wYdgd9Ne
「咪再講，再聽到佢個名我要洗耳。戇鳩，我無可能鍾意佢，寧願打一世飛機。」518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDRJ91UE49K
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtk2xA4jHw0
「好過去自瀆啦。」同學說。518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDVl3W0NdWG
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN57ySbYYzm
林蓁和那天月經來潮一樣，無法動彈，臉上也不能反應任何表情。518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQwszGdsoTW
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl6T9IPKowB
最後，她站了一會兒，轉身離去。518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbjL0blHCxT
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkpuBoTnEYW
/518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo694wQc38p
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8PcYOHgzd3
翌日，林蓁確實去了買燈泡，但沒有回家。讓父親一人多留在家一天吧——彷彿是一種小小的報復，偏偏只懂得在這些小事上用力。518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8xYzTLD3D7
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡui0tZU32ii
她去見了周立沖。518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaFyFNrd6kx
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWcLabJAAK9
一見面，他便說：「今晚不如我煮，你想食咩？」518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaOTSynHbTQ
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6nZOTORWXs
三年前，二人一起，他也常常為她下廚。他這樣說，令她感到二人又回到從前戀愛時。不知道為何，世間男子千千萬，而她明知他不必然是良人，卻在他回來時洶湧澎湃，難以自控地傾瀉。518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQxse4VeDIS
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHt7XabQVGE
「無所謂。」518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKCMTQOiS2h
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaqAxCDVy0z
她說「無所謂」，是真的無所謂，並非心裡還有其他盤算，希望別人猜中她未講的話語。畢竟她只需將食物放進口便能填飽肚子，有什麼好要求更多；何況，有人願意煮飯——她已經很久沒有吃過住家飯，對上一次，又是他煮。518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwpeBQCo1IK
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM4pOn6yigB
家裡沒有飯吃。518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLmtFGlP9R4
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGvvK2R1kU1
「都知你又會話無所謂，咁我話事啦。」518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDkXL5t52hI
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJFsB4Gq3dQ
「你煮咩我都食。」518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMoo6KyVANo
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeFHGQQl4JK
「傻瓜。」518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0m8kacK4T9
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwMjoqoZZey
他摸摸她的頭。518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPWkcAZpm2a
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAEgSmlex89
每次，她都對他的溫柔心動，最初，還會不懂反應，但後來便習慣，臉色自如。能夠和他走到今天這一步，她還求什麼。518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ54DYlSXiL8
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtID55eWTQU
如果真的有辛苦的時候，也是她自尋的——518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxSd3BET5dM
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ85xaT4icWH
譬如，她是因為喜歡他，才會無法離開這段關係；但他不是，若然情傷已癒，哪需異性的溫柔。他若真的喜歡她，最初又怎會捨棄，或者，現在又怎會回來，由她療傷。可是，即使已有清晰認知，她總想到：反正，青春也是要浪費的，除了自身可以發展的事，感情上，不是花在這個人身上，就是另一個人，倒不如，在遇見更喜歡的人之前，將愛傾瀉到他身上。518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuKkCqKBzxo
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKaYfDLPlHW
「快啲煮嘢啦，我好肚餓，嘻嘻。」518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡleNZE4ApBN
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMN9kxSTt2i
「不如食咗我先。」518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjDq2lrcaFi
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA1s8W4zWGy
「唔要你，成身臭汗。」518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6h0VLRXM5a
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd29TXXaS5M
可是她又要偽裝成，其實不是非他不可。518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgSgTWTfiTm
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb5DxW5HN2O
愛時時談論「無論如何」，而她的便是：喜歡他，不過又允諾他隨時離開。518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpRc7JpZ4zY
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzYS2XNFmgf
她日夜恍神，反覆在腦海練習有一天，他會遇見愛人或是靈魂伴侶之類的東西，她故作鎮定地點點頭、應應嘴，又有一把畫外音著她好好管理顫抖的臉，不要露出濕潤的聲息。久而久之，她便以為，自己已被好好訓練過，可以接受悲痛的離散。連夢也時時出現他，再時時失落。518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡedbTmQrRme
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjuTY8d8K3z
不過，幸好，現在他在。518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtlr19DRNbq
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMGJi9qxcNH
心聲太吵鬧，她只能確保自己不要突然發瘋，苛求堅定地被愛。518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ45ljW0Mbqu
and then Add to home screen.