在很久很久前，大概在中一的時候，林蓁喜歡過一個男生。518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtjFa2Szh16
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOlbcCUi9h8
當時，她比廿一歲的自己還重四公斤，還戴黑框眼鏡，臉上還有一些痘痘。比起廿一歲，十二歲的她自然是不懂打扮。518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtdBia3BrUB
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQVZ6zoa9EB
那個男生，暫稱他為Y先生，是她的鄰座，平時二人會互相問功課，她文科好，他理科好，因此才打開話題。他和大部分男同學一樣，小息時也會圍在一角，通常玩BS卡，或者約放學後打LOL。518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxXNB4rIEQf
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡilcWPj5UnS
原本，二人一直不熟，林蓁對Y先生無感，畢竟她平常只和女生玩。518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9aBFlopbNP
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVB9THvVtyT
直到，第一次她月經來潮，當時在上課，她只感到下體濕濕的，站起來後，則被後桌的男同學大聲說：518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXgQ31K5mlb
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx1106wiPPo
「你條裙有血！」518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgz1aIDof1z
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH7vYGA1dJ4
白色的校裙上有一撻小小的跡，還未凝固結塊，像一朵剛開的花。然後，其他人也跟著起哄。518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjNnb4FeoS8
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHlKTjLCnTu
「大個女啦。」518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjLQryIpifU
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvKd9kaFe7R
「哎吔，快啲坐返低。」518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxOTtzDWxlR
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS4FRNCG792
「去廁所清理吓。」518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhmwGKOAKOS
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrLH1t8zQWH
她腦袋一片空白，無法反應，對於自己竟對月經不知所措——更加不知所措。她沒有郁動，等到Y先生脫下毛衣，圍在她腰上，遮住裙子。他拍一拍她，著她去洗手間。518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDxbtIYAhnp
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo8wLTfDsNK
自從這一次，她就感到自己好像喜歡了Y先生。518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6OmfBYeLOD
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnDx14L3yne
當時心思單純，對一個人有意，就寫在臉上，明明晃晃，無遮無掩。Y先生的笑話不一定好笑，但她一定會笑，而且是盡力地笑，咧開嘴角便見不夠整齊的牙，還會嬌嬌地眉眼彎彎。518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqbPP4HX17O
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdMgvuu29SR
早上，她先到校，便自願替他到儲物櫃拿當日要用的書。一年一度的社際運動比賽，她會買飲品、小食給他。總在製造偶遇機會，遲他幾秒出課室去洗手間，然後假裝在路上一同回程，碰見，傾多兩嘴。518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuWA6moFPLD
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3PWIkeUGJL
好友說她的心意很明顯，她沒有說什麼，只是怯怯地睜大眼，再四處張望，確定身邊沒有人聽見這段對話。518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeZYqPKJutB
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfAtS3R6HGM
終於，有一天，放學後，她知道Y先生會留在課室，便打算一起坐在座位上靜靜溫習。518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsQ2IEFbsXL
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSKaR8V4dMZ
但到她折返課室，聽見他和同學的對話——518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhRNa58auC5
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwr9uL28d0t
「林蓁係咪同你有路？好殷勤喎。」518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhNOE69YQWo
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9nyQWcs30V
「咪係囉，又睇你比賽，又送水又送糧！」518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRXQ5s448rB
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPMWB0kpzBX
「仲有啲眼神好痴纏，一唔講嘢就笑住咁望你。」518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhzcxNTsWeS
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6T3gsxF0oC
「咦～實係有嘢啦。」518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBtXVKHoHy4
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTsI4tNCONS
她聽見，竟然有點開心。理論上，她在暗戀，可是愛一個人至世上無人知曉，卻是委屈的。她更加期待Y先生的反應。518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGLCfey1vqG
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeD1pk6c9Ej
只聽見他說：518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe27wbpe9e8
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOlxt0Wz5wo
「吓！咪玩啦，豬扒嚟，我先唔會鍾意佢。」518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1EFDLDcoQR
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuNc2hmGNxq
林蓁心下一沉。518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2EyRAcyzIf
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxtmLQ2ZsTS
「你哋幾親㗎喎。」同學說。518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbNp8LfEcTS
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJm5bsYJMXa
她又想，會不會是他口硬？518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuStAf7ZWiq
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPJiKcDlt5H
「佢係都要痴埋嚟咋嘛，呢啲豬閪，我鍾意佢就真係柒頭啦。」518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡluzYnELl6J
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo6VwVqrhOp
「哇！睇嚟你係柒頭！」同學說。518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ35MvYhhr0S
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnf3Ay9UtkW
「咪再講，再聽到佢個名我要洗耳。戇鳩，我無可能鍾意佢，寧願打一世飛機。」518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhic22OjZFR
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Bc4kBxL3k
「好過去自瀆啦。」同學說。518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCrLNX88tAL
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8KPYCDVoHq
林蓁和那天月經來潮一樣，無法動彈，臉上也不能反應任何表情。518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqzoCglHxKF
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvZ4ydeIe7o
最後，她站了一會兒，轉身離去。518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSPeYQuyUUP
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlzPfGp4Hox
/518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Vau8gQ09U
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbyOMWihzSw
翌日，林蓁確實去了買燈泡，但沒有回家。讓父親一人多留在家一天吧——彷彿是一種小小的報復，偏偏只懂得在這些小事上用力。518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdauWq2SxXn
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP64cRDYUiv
她去見了周立沖。518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡysoIqTkDfK
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf1LsIEhz4X
一見面，他便說：「今晚不如我煮，你想食咩？」518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqtFvRWToSj
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIDcG2PuqAM
三年前，二人一起，他也常常為她下廚。他這樣說，令她感到二人又回到從前戀愛時。不知道為何，世間男子千千萬，而她明知他不必然是良人，卻在他回來時洶湧澎湃，難以自控地傾瀉。518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV9MuLSNxkX
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW24wOUx3GD
「無所謂。」518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡefgBX6dbgu
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡArImPTBKS6
她說「無所謂」，是真的無所謂，並非心裡還有其他盤算，希望別人猜中她未講的話語。畢竟她只需將食物放進口便能填飽肚子，有什麼好要求更多；何況，有人願意煮飯——她已經很久沒有吃過住家飯，對上一次，又是他煮。518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOh5I5MvDM9
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6fmT22bKfs
家裡沒有飯吃。518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD2qKEhlB6b
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj78R6S6Ibn
「都知你又會話無所謂，咁我話事啦。」518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdiAr4EmO3T
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMmRwdN0cUr
「你煮咩我都食。」518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6kiK5MYtt6
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyUic4dDDzZ
「傻瓜。」518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq9HLq68agu
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjSZcvLqASa
他摸摸她的頭。518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTz03uRorin
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAG5lu2b0wJ
每次，她都對他的溫柔心動，最初，還會不懂反應，但後來便習慣，臉色自如。能夠和他走到今天這一步，她還求什麼。518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnldK0jtE3r
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMDiq666Gp7
如果真的有辛苦的時候，也是她自尋的——518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdgeorg2WXn
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡioim9beSmM
譬如，她是因為喜歡他，才會無法離開這段關係；但他不是，若然情傷已癒，哪需異性的溫柔。他若真的喜歡她，最初又怎會捨棄，或者，現在又怎會回來，由她療傷。可是，即使已有清晰認知，她總想到：反正，青春也是要浪費的，除了自身可以發展的事，感情上，不是花在這個人身上，就是另一個人，倒不如，在遇見更喜歡的人之前，將愛傾瀉到他身上。518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzqcKvSJTat
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3ry4xg7FuM
「快啲煮嘢啦，我好肚餓，嘻嘻。」518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQwrwnbzdy7
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqNrDoUR48i
「不如食咗我先。」518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSCuhZdaECA
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ30ZtAWK9MR
「唔要你，成身臭汗。」518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrNxRIJv1By
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc3mNqTImD5
可是她又要偽裝成，其實不是非他不可。518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpZdWrUGxtX
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQeCJJMQmvq
愛時時談論「無論如何」，而她的便是：喜歡他，不過又允諾他隨時離開。518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyRNPEcJtdO
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhgnCaKJZIH
她日夜恍神，反覆在腦海練習有一天，他會遇見愛人或是靈魂伴侶之類的東西，她故作鎮定地點點頭、應應嘴，又有一把畫外音著她好好管理顫抖的臉，不要露出濕潤的聲息。久而久之，她便以為，自己已被好好訓練過，可以接受悲痛的離散。連夢也時時出現他，再時時失落。518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFP9zKSmA44
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoecfAWZTod
不過，幸好，現在他在。518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrjIixEJVks
518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTaYmTVycH1
心聲太吵鬧，她只能確保自己不要突然發瘋，苛求堅定地被愛。518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡihXovczPLI
and then Add to home screen.