在很久很久前，大概在中一的時候，林蓁喜歡過一個男生。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGl83mFnZ2E
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXOiX8AweOf
當時，她比廿一歲的自己還重四公斤，還戴黑框眼鏡，臉上還有一些痘痘。比起廿一歲，十二歲的她自然是不懂打扮。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXKkgxXGW0U
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXJOSx5fbxo
那個男生，暫稱他為Y先生，是她的鄰座，平時二人會互相問功課，她文科好，他理科好，因此才打開話題。他和大部分男同學一樣，小息時也會圍在一角，通常玩BS卡，或者約放學後打LOL。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡexTahWIQ0q
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQVFINbN4g5
原本，二人一直不熟，林蓁對Y先生無感，畢竟她平常只和女生玩。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1TePsudFnN
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2vLzwwQdlP
直到，第一次她月經來潮，當時在上課，她只感到下體濕濕的，站起來後，則被後桌的男同學大聲說：371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb35ffCBZ0H
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ81V2N5snDH
「你條裙有血！」371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ92JsXpZNkF
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFuHOQoRX9L
白色的校裙上有一撻小小的跡，還未凝固結塊，像一朵剛開的花。然後，其他人也跟著起哄。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPcvOptaNv2
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcpavdWn2hJ
「大個女啦。」371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡysUAxznYhB
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMvOaXjsjCP
「哎吔，快啲坐返低。」371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpVXyI5k0bz
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU3NsJ4qkeU
「去廁所清理吓。」371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ23O4UYFjOF
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi0vpofoIGA
她腦袋一片空白，無法反應，對於自己竟對月經不知所措——更加不知所措。她沒有郁動，等到Y先生脫下毛衣，圍在她腰上，遮住裙子。他拍一拍她，著她去洗手間。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ246OoJR0gQ
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp1KBClIs2v
自從這一次，她就感到自己好像喜歡了Y先生。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡntee1LrJC3
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡljC2xKy5Or
當時心思單純，對一個人有意，就寫在臉上，明明晃晃，無遮無掩。Y先生的笑話不一定好笑，但她一定會笑，而且是盡力地笑，咧開嘴角便見不夠整齊的牙，還會嬌嬌地眉眼彎彎。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfMq6kG9JpD
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDw8Dd887rc
早上，她先到校，便自願替他到儲物櫃拿當日要用的書。一年一度的社際運動比賽，她會買飲品、小食給他。總在製造偶遇機會，遲他幾秒出課室去洗手間，然後假裝在路上一同回程，碰見，傾多兩嘴。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6D37o5Zm3k
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnF0FCMgJZS
好友說她的心意很明顯，她沒有說什麼，只是怯怯地睜大眼，再四處張望，確定身邊沒有人聽見這段對話。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPukUjSA8mg
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVwPh7vonST
終於，有一天，放學後，她知道Y先生會留在課室，便打算一起坐在座位上靜靜溫習。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡutteHTBKBJ
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsJc5VzUzIn
但到她折返課室，聽見他和同學的對話——371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6RmJA5fCSM
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEVSftKfVUv
「林蓁係咪同你有路？好殷勤喎。」371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcSMHYluti2
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZzSHSkbkXp
「咪係囉，又睇你比賽，又送水又送糧！」371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOta1DoZCnm
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl85yeln5tC
「仲有啲眼神好痴纏，一唔講嘢就笑住咁望你。」371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzBahv0kft8
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWG3XTIBnMB
「咦～實係有嘢啦。」371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaayPX9ICFT
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN0AxpI3ISX
她聽見，竟然有點開心。理論上，她在暗戀，可是愛一個人至世上無人知曉，卻是委屈的。她更加期待Y先生的反應。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡimSNMRLCg1
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT9ZNP6FUWs
只聽見他說：371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSZQB19kgws
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV3Ujnu4cqA
「吓！咪玩啦，豬扒嚟，我先唔會鍾意佢。」371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7amoOdyx2F
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Imfuxcsvc
林蓁心下一沉。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY9NvUdTmCl
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuneFaElA7i
「你哋幾親㗎喎。」同學說。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj36haywMya
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡphfm2fdagj
她又想，會不會是他口硬？371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY4H2mYaR7w
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSgxjB6hpCM
「佢係都要痴埋嚟咋嘛，呢啲豬閪，我鍾意佢就真係柒頭啦。」371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ40IzLBOdd0
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjAxd7Mibnb
「哇！睇嚟你係柒頭！」同學說。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTCQpBpY7sB
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTUCsQrvMU5
「咪再講，再聽到佢個名我要洗耳。戇鳩，我無可能鍾意佢，寧願打一世飛機。」371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaH0CReW4GM
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7AW57gJKfU
「好過去自瀆啦。」同學說。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoCO6uap2Kj
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRIYchH5v8o
林蓁和那天月經來潮一樣，無法動彈，臉上也不能反應任何表情。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQkIYUxloBD
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpHHSLJ9PiN
最後，她站了一會兒，轉身離去。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbfvTysNrDt
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtQwTP61l4S
/371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ0kP86NIZD
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWE9gwXRhn6
翌日，林蓁確實去了買燈泡，但沒有回家。讓父親一人多留在家一天吧——彷彿是一種小小的報復，偏偏只懂得在這些小事上用力。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK4Im2nMVDv
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL2XjkKqhAm
她去見了周立沖。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡykGlN7tOiQ
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIVkI7Zu0EM
一見面，他便說：「今晚不如我煮，你想食咩？」371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtYTJZ7iOFz
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDd3HokrAY4
三年前，二人一起，他也常常為她下廚。他這樣說，令她感到二人又回到從前戀愛時。不知道為何，世間男子千千萬，而她明知他不必然是良人，卻在他回來時洶湧澎湃，難以自控地傾瀉。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcSfbgePo8Q
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwYlQnjOSdT
「無所謂。」371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwCKSMDhDra
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOUDzygTeWW
她說「無所謂」，是真的無所謂，並非心裡還有其他盤算，希望別人猜中她未講的話語。畢竟她只需將食物放進口便能填飽肚子，有什麼好要求更多；何況，有人願意煮飯——她已經很久沒有吃過住家飯，對上一次，又是他煮。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpmhQTFgOlS
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCwvRriIkwj
家裡沒有飯吃。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2wvCNgEb4R
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkO0N2e4n39
「都知你又會話無所謂，咁我話事啦。」371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7hSGDzW7oq
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ20MbJrReBm
「你煮咩我都食。」371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPtaYtDqF3W
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO7r8hlh8vA
「傻瓜。」371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO90hDIkXZf
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡikcgOIzlD4
他摸摸她的頭。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3isyOSojib
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhHwTGEyIMQ
每次，她都對他的溫柔心動，最初，還會不懂反應，但後來便習慣，臉色自如。能夠和他走到今天這一步，她還求什麼。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzbRvO4UlrZ
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4lBpPwI1vC
如果真的有辛苦的時候，也是她自尋的——371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiBxLI1UEcw
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHYqDwaRscx
譬如，她是因為喜歡他，才會無法離開這段關係；但他不是，若然情傷已癒，哪需異性的溫柔。他若真的喜歡她，最初又怎會捨棄，或者，現在又怎會回來，由她療傷。可是，即使已有清晰認知，她總想到：反正，青春也是要浪費的，除了自身可以發展的事，感情上，不是花在這個人身上，就是另一個人，倒不如，在遇見更喜歡的人之前，將愛傾瀉到他身上。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpBj4xlw5GQ
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbWYNPirJlF
「快啲煮嘢啦，我好肚餓，嘻嘻。」371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHvdpmvqkOs
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyAZ9ctcecx
「不如食咗我先。」371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuHQvxdqAVP
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpb7nF936Re
「唔要你，成身臭汗。」371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuVKz0zjJI6
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8HWmjMbeW5
可是她又要偽裝成，其實不是非他不可。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvAbOLcvQQ3
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV97z5GcUpz
愛時時談論「無論如何」，而她的便是：喜歡他，不過又允諾他隨時離開。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw0148QODKZ
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ617QrKyKx9
她日夜恍神，反覆在腦海練習有一天，他會遇見愛人或是靈魂伴侶之類的東西，她故作鎮定地點點頭、應應嘴，又有一把畫外音著她好好管理顫抖的臉，不要露出濕潤的聲息。久而久之，她便以為，自己已被好好訓練過，可以接受悲痛的離散。連夢也時時出現他，再時時失落。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf6Gg5xvoTl
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWej7CKuWJ0
不過，幸好，現在他在。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqIIR1753cV
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBMjWUinSws
心聲太吵鬧，她只能確保自己不要突然發瘋，苛求堅定地被愛。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1BTJLZh09E
然後按「加至主畫面」