在很久很久前，大概在中一的時候，林蓁喜歡過一個男生。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡarH0I9MwTO
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB8XpIMMEyD
當時，她比廿一歲的自己還重四公斤，還戴黑框眼鏡，臉上還有一些痘痘。比起廿一歲，十二歲的她自然是不懂打扮。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiJaJmZKEpp
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhpjetxj4f6
那個男生，暫稱他為Y先生，是她的鄰座，平時二人會互相問功課，她文科好，他理科好，因此才打開話題。他和大部分男同學一樣，小息時也會圍在一角，通常玩BS卡，或者約放學後打LOL。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMJIlotMdIQ
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQSw2OZtJyr
原本，二人一直不熟，林蓁對Y先生無感，畢竟她平常只和女生玩。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbi80llCXc3
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcP9O3YiRIz
直到，第一次她月經來潮，當時在上課，她只感到下體濕濕的，站起來後，則被後桌的男同學大聲說：370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm5mNT2W1lj
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7jLSbEVcSE
「你條裙有血！」370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3RuBFk5gdL
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF2u7z2GzUp
白色的校裙上有一撻小小的跡，還未凝固結塊，像一朵剛開的花。然後，其他人也跟著起哄。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLdNZKqLpSE
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDk7hR8edpa
「大個女啦。」370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQpE3QF6Pqo
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxvVLtbiYiN
「哎吔，快啲坐返低。」370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYnGKw7WNl4
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuh4OgWiN2t
「去廁所清理吓。」370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxKYT08vofj
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzBzaVmynyD
她腦袋一片空白，無法反應，對於自己竟對月經不知所措——更加不知所措。她沒有郁動，等到Y先生脫下毛衣，圍在她腰上，遮住裙子。他拍一拍她，著她去洗手間。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2JH4TJN8qc
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj1lDg8zRcl
自從這一次，她就感到自己好像喜歡了Y先生。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuYJjR0wdLH
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSRCcBWDZEQ
當時心思單純，對一個人有意，就寫在臉上，明明晃晃，無遮無掩。Y先生的笑話不一定好笑，但她一定會笑，而且是盡力地笑，咧開嘴角便見不夠整齊的牙，還會嬌嬌地眉眼彎彎。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4TJIS2e9Z6
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHZzd11V3WX
早上，她先到校，便自願替他到儲物櫃拿當日要用的書。一年一度的社際運動比賽，她會買飲品、小食給他。總在製造偶遇機會，遲他幾秒出課室去洗手間，然後假裝在路上一同回程，碰見，傾多兩嘴。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnHq1LOAdUV
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡll2czX0gL8
好友說她的心意很明顯，她沒有說什麼，只是怯怯地睜大眼，再四處張望，確定身邊沒有人聽見這段對話。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKbWPCTWXjA
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ8QlJLgx6R
終於，有一天，放學後，她知道Y先生會留在課室，便打算一起坐在座位上靜靜溫習。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg7CygsJzsp
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr4f7MKTIQ7
但到她折返課室，聽見他和同學的對話——370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU9ms4dp4qJ
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvSX18NnbQi
「林蓁係咪同你有路？好殷勤喎。」370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Q3JP2T91Q
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOd9gq1NP2f
「咪係囉，又睇你比賽，又送水又送糧！」370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAwa8CUvUgp
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOdTske7TfU
「仲有啲眼神好痴纏，一唔講嘢就笑住咁望你。」370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2v4k8eFd2y
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFBaz9f9s6u
「咦～實係有嘢啦。」370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmC32dc9zt1
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpq1LiocPrW
她聽見，竟然有點開心。理論上，她在暗戀，可是愛一個人至世上無人知曉，卻是委屈的。她更加期待Y先生的反應。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡERooNby53M
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQkbc2MBdsy
只聽見他說：370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRNHIkPwHCw
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWop5IyPgUi
「吓！咪玩啦，豬扒嚟，我先唔會鍾意佢。」370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFL6YAgOCF3
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtnNj7nZPDL
林蓁心下一沉。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo4FbvaPjCL
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQQqW3NDAew
「你哋幾親㗎喎。」同學說。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2oCOskvArL
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgiWhc1mat5
她又想，會不會是他口硬？370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPraU3wzkkb
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0II5ost8gF
「佢係都要痴埋嚟咋嘛，呢啲豬閪，我鍾意佢就真係柒頭啦。」370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0b1JjF78ok
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqYnljrTb4r
「哇！睇嚟你係柒頭！」同學說。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMZZiSEB5n9
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIWbJErRc8z
「咪再講，再聽到佢個名我要洗耳。戇鳩，我無可能鍾意佢，寧願打一世飛機。」370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFfveFxL0sN
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZroYXeGaJE
「好過去自瀆啦。」同學說。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBu1XG7CYrJ
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw17JvasgTu
林蓁和那天月經來潮一樣，無法動彈，臉上也不能反應任何表情。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjMU3t6F8Ti
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ul7cqaUBH
最後，她站了一會兒，轉身離去。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnKj93qlxga
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5kNbCZ3EwK
/370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJgoSPOvIPJ
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk5ykleaBRq
翌日，林蓁確實去了買燈泡，但沒有回家。讓父親一人多留在家一天吧——彷彿是一種小小的報復，偏偏只懂得在這些小事上用力。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhMSXmahgX3
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡquLKhhW2sO
她去見了周立沖。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZF1YfN2AoD
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8VwYo8nZTF
一見面，他便說：「今晚不如我煮，你想食咩？」370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2q5K2y2IQp
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0uDKI1BGDa
三年前，二人一起，他也常常為她下廚。他這樣說，令她感到二人又回到從前戀愛時。不知道為何，世間男子千千萬，而她明知他不必然是良人，卻在他回來時洶湧澎湃，難以自控地傾瀉。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2k2Y5J4Smu
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNr17mHQn4z
「無所謂。」370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz6ru6xed6j
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQn6aqi59Oo
她說「無所謂」，是真的無所謂，並非心裡還有其他盤算，希望別人猜中她未講的話語。畢竟她只需將食物放進口便能填飽肚子，有什麼好要求更多；何況，有人願意煮飯——她已經很久沒有吃過住家飯，對上一次，又是他煮。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZgKVQiumtZ
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRTSnvtEGXK
家裡沒有飯吃。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1jrltZzgBY
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFqpWTgS0dU
「都知你又會話無所謂，咁我話事啦。」370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDUJ36RBbN5
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdafbyy0EQl
「你煮咩我都食。」370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrvRZAru4qN
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwyUIsK906H
「傻瓜。」370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwW9hSrhvZA
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVF6yWWAZRD
他摸摸她的頭。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0qj0OVwLzi
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg0BhjKIReV
每次，她都對他的溫柔心動，最初，還會不懂反應，但後來便習慣，臉色自如。能夠和他走到今天這一步，她還求什麼。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIlhcEuqQby
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpIOty2U8hN
如果真的有辛苦的時候，也是她自尋的——370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcPMdixxsJP
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAabXHBPm9u
譬如，她是因為喜歡他，才會無法離開這段關係；但他不是，若然情傷已癒，哪需異性的溫柔。他若真的喜歡她，最初又怎會捨棄，或者，現在又怎會回來，由她療傷。可是，即使已有清晰認知，她總想到：反正，青春也是要浪費的，除了自身可以發展的事，感情上，不是花在這個人身上，就是另一個人，倒不如，在遇見更喜歡的人之前，將愛傾瀉到他身上。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFnbKNJj1I0
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPJbCQDBjtP
「快啲煮嘢啦，我好肚餓，嘻嘻。」370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvctiQX3Ggh
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYV9PcSWpTg
「不如食咗我先。」370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwdgfcHvGTR
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0abAJsGt61
「唔要你，成身臭汗。」370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBhdiZ8HiLc
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRMq2mpftA8
可是她又要偽裝成，其實不是非他不可。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMHOGgeR9l5
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyUf7AiCeO2
愛時時談論「無論如何」，而她的便是：喜歡他，不過又允諾他隨時離開。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFsIB14H4qV
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO6u0HO5V9A
她日夜恍神，反覆在腦海練習有一天，他會遇見愛人或是靈魂伴侶之類的東西，她故作鎮定地點點頭、應應嘴，又有一把畫外音著她好好管理顫抖的臉，不要露出濕潤的聲息。久而久之，她便以為，自己已被好好訓練過，可以接受悲痛的離散。連夢也時時出現他，再時時失落。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvK83KTKWqT
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz933dVyJGS
不過，幸好，現在他在。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIYMRUKWq7j
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoHsZgwyJce
心聲太吵鬧，她只能確保自己不要突然發瘋，苛求堅定地被愛。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡicbQDtgN8B
然後按「加至主畫面」