From: [email protected]55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1f6gtD33iS
To: [email protected]55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOzNE25dHS9
Subject: please tell me you like Helvetica
important question:55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZdj5L3oRaY
how do you feel about fonts?
i ask because my actual groupmate eli (aka The Betrayer) sent his entire breakup text to his ex in freaking Comic Sans.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7YlvdwcAN2
it was 6 paragraphs. with emojis.
i feel secondhand heartbreak AND secondhand shame.
— maya55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhnMHUVnKxI
helvetica loyalist
From: [email protected]55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ808DGF6Jic
To: [email protected]55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCtlnqqIk4p
Subject: font crimes are real
comic sans?? for a breakup??55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBJfOmm0jYu
he deserves jail. like... maximum security. solitary confinement with only wingdings as company.
you’re right to be distressed.
ps: helvetica supremacy.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKnyUyp66Hy
pps: do i get to hear the breakup text in full? asking for... educational purposes.
— eli55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡukDpbGzZBp
font snob & emotionally nosy
From: [email protected]55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiFRzaLsTHN
To: [email protected]55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡup6xI9g4Ec
Subject: for academic suffering only
fine. you brought this upon yourself.
[BEGIN TEXT DUMP]
“hey babe 🥺 i just think we’re like, not vibing anymore 😔55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡngr54lAFkq
i’ll always care abt u but i gotta find myself.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFN0UDaYSom
ur amazing 💕 don’t let anyone tell u diff.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5rwX4A2Ll1
also i still want my hoodie back lol 💔”55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkfIMPtQxUK
[END SUFFERING]
i’m genuinely unwell. my skin crawled.
— maya
From: [email protected]55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPixtZ1eBOB
To: [email protected]55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1L91WqYnkM
Subject: oh no.
MAYA.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3NslckYnLo
that man committed emotional damage and aesthetic violence in one go.
🥺 + Comic Sans + “lol” in a breakup???55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKUf7pOEDXI
my soul just left my body.
i vote we ban him from fonts. and feelings.
— eli
From: [email protected]55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6rXo2krpQG
To: [email protected]55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD1Be1gk3c9
Subject: font ban confirmed
i hereby sentence him to only use Papyrus.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkYjrQJ3e3D
and never speak of feelings again.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWjk8dXdNwy
the hoodie has been burned for symbolic healing. 🔥
question:55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEb2ioKtRQk
what would you write in a breakup text?55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrSFnAXPKhS
(no pressure. purely hypothetical. totally not judging.)
— maya55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh4N0i68Qsv
font judge, emotional auditor
From: [email protected]55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBNSPoC7nAC
To: [email protected]55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFg9kNsFGJl
Subject: okay wow pressure much
okay this feels like a trap but fine.
i’d probably go for something honest.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡExhsds65qG
not a novel. no 🥺 emojis. something like:
“this isn’t easy. you’re someone i care about deeply,55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrL5SqSKqIQ
but i’m not in the right place to give you what you deserve.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeUWQCZDIEb
i hope you find someone who can.”
then i’d ghost myself out of embarrassment.
is that... too sincere for an email friendship?
— eli
From: [email protected]55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA3h6wqsm5h
To: [email protected]55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEGUBYZXFYo
Subject: okay rude now i’m feeling things
eli.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVEulUjuntp
that was weirdly lovely.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCF7EKXBtHQ
and now i feel weird for judging people who cry at fonts.
also: are we email friends now?55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAi4BJRKW7a
was there a form i missed?55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyZmZUuGa5M
should i be sending muffins?
— maya55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlnZ2VJIE2j
emotionally compromised, probably baking
From: [email protected]55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8iW4oM91mS
To: [email protected]55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE2UKMRpSSx
Subject: it’s official
congrats.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO6pIE4xFuQ
you are now contractually my accidental email friend.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM0qIeaBkSd
no muffins required, just vibes and inbox chaos.
although.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOsS585F46c
if you did bake, i wouldn’t say no.
— eli55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIgOvZZwEFG
friend of font victims
55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXUTNwb5XSF
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