From: [email protected]59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfT3T5CDYa2
To: [email protected]59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZon7eUStbc
Subject: please tell me you like Helvetica
important question:59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeG0KUQUAnQ
how do you feel about fonts?
i ask because my actual groupmate eli (aka The Betrayer) sent his entire breakup text to his ex in freaking Comic Sans.59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCggL5UTu1D
it was 6 paragraphs. with emojis.
i feel secondhand heartbreak AND secondhand shame.
— maya59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKx64utehZG
helvetica loyalist
From: [email protected]59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAbmwaAdEL8
To: [email protected]59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡScjGaN8cCo
Subject: font crimes are real
comic sans?? for a breakup??59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7bsfOZ4g5m
he deserves jail. like... maximum security. solitary confinement with only wingdings as company.
you’re right to be distressed.
ps: helvetica supremacy.59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ280y8iQ1HY
pps: do i get to hear the breakup text in full? asking for... educational purposes.
— eli59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeKcNl7WJLm
font snob & emotionally nosy
From: [email protected]59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn9x2gywkql
To: [email protected]59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8KyJBNrgL1
Subject: for academic suffering only
fine. you brought this upon yourself.
[BEGIN TEXT DUMP]
“hey babe 🥺 i just think we’re like, not vibing anymore 😔59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP2GRxWgzO0
i’ll always care abt u but i gotta find myself.59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJJJ7GYiCqH
ur amazing 💕 don’t let anyone tell u diff.59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZZxgRq50zu
also i still want my hoodie back lol 💔”59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUMJH5FaxAq
[END SUFFERING]
i’m genuinely unwell. my skin crawled.
— maya
From: [email protected]59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSvFU6VRFrs
To: [email protected]59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpYHYxZRo43
Subject: oh no.
MAYA.59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP8RRnngZyA
that man committed emotional damage and aesthetic violence in one go.
🥺 + Comic Sans + “lol” in a breakup???59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjUgAKqvhit
my soul just left my body.
i vote we ban him from fonts. and feelings.
— eli
From: [email protected]59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsP8IDXwvDs
To: [email protected]59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXqVXUhdSFt
Subject: font ban confirmed
i hereby sentence him to only use Papyrus.59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBagi34tmwc
and never speak of feelings again.59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjEYYRNNAdA
the hoodie has been burned for symbolic healing. 🔥
question:59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhtnrcFZ15N
what would you write in a breakup text?59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc0ODE8Xp3k
(no pressure. purely hypothetical. totally not judging.)
— maya59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2GdLESOtAs
font judge, emotional auditor
From: [email protected]59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWD41gTFftN
To: [email protected]59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIKC3QvUBg6
Subject: okay wow pressure much
okay this feels like a trap but fine.
i’d probably go for something honest.59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1X0I7tGtqs
not a novel. no 🥺 emojis. something like:
“this isn’t easy. you’re someone i care about deeply,59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR1EJpwKb3h
but i’m not in the right place to give you what you deserve.59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiICBdvYgsR
i hope you find someone who can.”
then i’d ghost myself out of embarrassment.
is that... too sincere for an email friendship?
— eli
From: [email protected]59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKZVRZSQ2Ta
To: [email protected]59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwx6176ys7i
Subject: okay rude now i’m feeling things
eli.59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtij3UXyhN5
that was weirdly lovely.59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSztNEmlDmt
and now i feel weird for judging people who cry at fonts.
also: are we email friends now?59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlWmuBCJ76b
was there a form i missed?59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZSMsh1Qd9A
should i be sending muffins?
— maya59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoEJYMd8ziw
emotionally compromised, probably baking
From: [email protected]59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTcdLRmQ9Fr
To: [email protected]59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJQYFLa0Btp
Subject: it’s official
congrats.59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXs4ZlljGXx
you are now contractually my accidental email friend.59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0uUX9hjSsv
no muffins required, just vibes and inbox chaos.
although.59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrnKAO3vfUP
if you did bake, i wouldn’t say no.
— eli59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvrHLVXEwfD
friend of font victims
59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡccKVNYPqu8
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