From: [email protected]49Please respect copyright.PENANABn9ca5gblg
To: [email protected]49Please respect copyright.PENANAqQJLAsJc65
Subject: please tell me you like Helvetica
important question:49Please respect copyright.PENANALxwuBh4HAd
how do you feel about fonts?
i ask because my actual groupmate eli (aka The Betrayer) sent his entire breakup text to his ex in freaking Comic Sans.49Please respect copyright.PENANAESXtxaWP1o
it was 6 paragraphs. with emojis.
i feel secondhand heartbreak AND secondhand shame.
— maya49Please respect copyright.PENANAujkqML0ePA
helvetica loyalist
From: [email protected]49Please respect copyright.PENANAAq6v1hmUg5
To: [email protected]49Please respect copyright.PENANAxFTTtHqn3l
Subject: font crimes are real
comic sans?? for a breakup??49Please respect copyright.PENANAQ6mt3W4P46
he deserves jail. like... maximum security. solitary confinement with only wingdings as company.
you’re right to be distressed.
ps: helvetica supremacy.49Please respect copyright.PENANA1qWxu5py9O
pps: do i get to hear the breakup text in full? asking for... educational purposes.
— eli49Please respect copyright.PENANAdNDY4S3tYF
font snob & emotionally nosy
From: [email protected]49Please respect copyright.PENANA3Wt6xgMpBD
To: [email protected]49Please respect copyright.PENANAPBJB2HOBSQ
Subject: for academic suffering only
fine. you brought this upon yourself.
[BEGIN TEXT DUMP]
“hey babe 🥺 i just think we’re like, not vibing anymore 😔49Please respect copyright.PENANA4IkmXyqJGa
i’ll always care abt u but i gotta find myself.49Please respect copyright.PENANAHlh7Fqwedf
ur amazing 💕 don’t let anyone tell u diff.49Please respect copyright.PENANAYno2Ksh6QG
also i still want my hoodie back lol 💔”49Please respect copyright.PENANANNNxD7sNY3
[END SUFFERING]
i’m genuinely unwell. my skin crawled.
— maya
From: [email protected]49Please respect copyright.PENANA2gT0UriIS5
To: [email protected]49Please respect copyright.PENANAtYT7aHg1Bb
Subject: oh no.
MAYA.49Please respect copyright.PENANAYovebM7mAi
that man committed emotional damage and aesthetic violence in one go.
🥺 + Comic Sans + “lol” in a breakup???49Please respect copyright.PENANAyp8KBsqWmQ
my soul just left my body.
i vote we ban him from fonts. and feelings.
— eli
From: [email protected]49Please respect copyright.PENANAO7B3tO7NyI
To: [email protected]49Please respect copyright.PENANA44qkowxpJI
Subject: font ban confirmed
i hereby sentence him to only use Papyrus.49Please respect copyright.PENANAK5dyeuzmVb
and never speak of feelings again.49Please respect copyright.PENANAu44VJecKNC
the hoodie has been burned for symbolic healing. 🔥
question:49Please respect copyright.PENANAlN8iEsVXkL
what would you write in a breakup text?49Please respect copyright.PENANAwQGLa8D5Ej
(no pressure. purely hypothetical. totally not judging.)
— maya49Please respect copyright.PENANAfSdX0Qwky8
font judge, emotional auditor
From: [email protected]49Please respect copyright.PENANASaKaBFQBpa
To: [email protected]49Please respect copyright.PENANAKECeFMsoWv
Subject: okay wow pressure much
okay this feels like a trap but fine.
i’d probably go for something honest.49Please respect copyright.PENANAkM2jqnarLf
not a novel. no 🥺 emojis. something like:
“this isn’t easy. you’re someone i care about deeply,49Please respect copyright.PENANAhsjQZb5XPO
but i’m not in the right place to give you what you deserve.49Please respect copyright.PENANANBKgX8Kzq6
i hope you find someone who can.”
then i’d ghost myself out of embarrassment.
is that... too sincere for an email friendship?
— eli
From: [email protected]49Please respect copyright.PENANAeO4jQ0ehkf
To: [email protected]49Please respect copyright.PENANAFduwK3UbCY
Subject: okay rude now i’m feeling things
eli.49Please respect copyright.PENANATKQMfODQlj
that was weirdly lovely.49Please respect copyright.PENANAsURHFZbLQE
and now i feel weird for judging people who cry at fonts.
also: are we email friends now?49Please respect copyright.PENANAbsxvedym0N
was there a form i missed?49Please respect copyright.PENANAbUrgHfCxpB
should i be sending muffins?
— maya49Please respect copyright.PENANAKxPto6egjl
emotionally compromised, probably baking
From: [email protected]49Please respect copyright.PENANALM7U6KQYD2
To: [email protected]49Please respect copyright.PENANAsZEVuNlfxQ
Subject: it’s official
congrats.49Please respect copyright.PENANAlIsEFRT8oC
you are now contractually my accidental email friend.49Please respect copyright.PENANAU1CtN8XwFy
no muffins required, just vibes and inbox chaos.
although.49Please respect copyright.PENANAU9NBmy3E8R
if you did bake, i wouldn’t say no.
— eli49Please respect copyright.PENANA1LNfkZbzrz
friend of font victims
49Please respect copyright.PENANA1g015xHDQr