From: [email protected]59Please respect copyright.PENANAfT3T5CDYa2
To: [email protected]59Please respect copyright.PENANAZon7eUStbc
Subject: please tell me you like Helvetica
important question:59Please respect copyright.PENANAeG0KUQUAnQ
how do you feel about fonts?
i ask because my actual groupmate eli (aka The Betrayer) sent his entire breakup text to his ex in freaking Comic Sans.59Please respect copyright.PENANACggL5UTu1D
it was 6 paragraphs. with emojis.
i feel secondhand heartbreak AND secondhand shame.
— maya59Please respect copyright.PENANAKx64utehZG
helvetica loyalist
From: [email protected]59Please respect copyright.PENANAAbmwaAdEL8
To: [email protected]59Please respect copyright.PENANAScjGaN8cCo
Subject: font crimes are real
comic sans?? for a breakup??59Please respect copyright.PENANA7bsfOZ4g5m
he deserves jail. like... maximum security. solitary confinement with only wingdings as company.
you’re right to be distressed.
ps: helvetica supremacy.59Please respect copyright.PENANA280y8iQ1HY
pps: do i get to hear the breakup text in full? asking for... educational purposes.
— eli59Please respect copyright.PENANAeKcNl7WJLm
font snob & emotionally nosy
From: [email protected]59Please respect copyright.PENANAn9x2gywkql
To: [email protected]59Please respect copyright.PENANA8KyJBNrgL1
Subject: for academic suffering only
fine. you brought this upon yourself.
[BEGIN TEXT DUMP]
“hey babe 🥺 i just think we’re like, not vibing anymore 😔59Please respect copyright.PENANAP2GRxWgzO0
i’ll always care abt u but i gotta find myself.59Please respect copyright.PENANAJJJ7GYiCqH
ur amazing 💕 don’t let anyone tell u diff.59Please respect copyright.PENANAZZxgRq50zu
also i still want my hoodie back lol 💔”59Please respect copyright.PENANAUMJH5FaxAq
[END SUFFERING]
i’m genuinely unwell. my skin crawled.
— maya
From: [email protected]59Please respect copyright.PENANASvFU6VRFrs
To: [email protected]59Please respect copyright.PENANApYHYxZRo43
Subject: oh no.
MAYA.59Please respect copyright.PENANAP8RRnngZyA
that man committed emotional damage and aesthetic violence in one go.
🥺 + Comic Sans + “lol” in a breakup???59Please respect copyright.PENANAjUgAKqvhit
my soul just left my body.
i vote we ban him from fonts. and feelings.
— eli
From: [email protected]59Please respect copyright.PENANAsP8IDXwvDs
To: [email protected]59Please respect copyright.PENANAXqVXUhdSFt
Subject: font ban confirmed
i hereby sentence him to only use Papyrus.59Please respect copyright.PENANABagi34tmwc
and never speak of feelings again.59Please respect copyright.PENANAjEYYRNNAdA
the hoodie has been burned for symbolic healing. 🔥
question:59Please respect copyright.PENANAhtnrcFZ15N
what would you write in a breakup text?59Please respect copyright.PENANAc0ODE8Xp3k
(no pressure. purely hypothetical. totally not judging.)
— maya59Please respect copyright.PENANA2GdLESOtAs
font judge, emotional auditor
From: [email protected]59Please respect copyright.PENANAWD41gTFftN
To: [email protected]59Please respect copyright.PENANAIKC3QvUBg6
Subject: okay wow pressure much
okay this feels like a trap but fine.
i’d probably go for something honest.59Please respect copyright.PENANA1X0I7tGtqs
not a novel. no 🥺 emojis. something like:
“this isn’t easy. you’re someone i care about deeply,59Please respect copyright.PENANAR1EJpwKb3h
but i’m not in the right place to give you what you deserve.59Please respect copyright.PENANAiICBdvYgsR
i hope you find someone who can.”
then i’d ghost myself out of embarrassment.
is that... too sincere for an email friendship?
— eli
From: [email protected]59Please respect copyright.PENANAKZVRZSQ2Ta
To: [email protected]59Please respect copyright.PENANAwx6176ys7i
Subject: okay rude now i’m feeling things
eli.59Please respect copyright.PENANAtij3UXyhN5
that was weirdly lovely.59Please respect copyright.PENANASztNEmlDmt
and now i feel weird for judging people who cry at fonts.
also: are we email friends now?59Please respect copyright.PENANAlWmuBCJ76b
was there a form i missed?59Please respect copyright.PENANAZSMsh1Qd9A
should i be sending muffins?
— maya59Please respect copyright.PENANAoEJYMd8ziw
emotionally compromised, probably baking
From: [email protected]59Please respect copyright.PENANATcdLRmQ9Fr
To: [email protected]59Please respect copyright.PENANAJQYFLa0Btp
Subject: it’s official
congrats.59Please respect copyright.PENANAXs4ZlljGXx
you are now contractually my accidental email friend.59Please respect copyright.PENANA0uUX9hjSsv
no muffins required, just vibes and inbox chaos.
although.59Please respect copyright.PENANArnKAO3vfUP
if you did bake, i wouldn’t say no.
— eli59Please respect copyright.PENANAvrHLVXEwfD
friend of font victims
59Please respect copyright.PENANAccKVNYPqu8