From: [email protected]37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy1CCvvyG17
To: [email protected]37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK1yRLtcUnh
Subject: please tell me you like Helvetica
important question:37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOlu7l2Xpyr
how do you feel about fonts?
i ask because my actual groupmate eli (aka The Betrayer) sent his entire breakup text to his ex in freaking Comic Sans.37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIw9b2kMOvC
it was 6 paragraphs. with emojis.
i feel secondhand heartbreak AND secondhand shame.
— maya37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYDjgfaJkF7
helvetica loyalist
From: [email protected]37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrQZKJsUNWH
To: [email protected]37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfAxQ70svnU
Subject: font crimes are real
comic sans?? for a breakup??37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyActV997LW
he deserves jail. like... maximum security. solitary confinement with only wingdings as company.
you’re right to be distressed.
ps: helvetica supremacy.37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZStuW3lFcj
pps: do i get to hear the breakup text in full? asking for... educational purposes.
— eli37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwbMkRAo9ux
font snob & emotionally nosy
From: [email protected]37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNKgqUbrkT6
To: [email protected]37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8PeRx63NME
Subject: for academic suffering only
fine. you brought this upon yourself.
[BEGIN TEXT DUMP]
“hey babe 🥺 i just think we’re like, not vibing anymore 😔37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmYu8cFl3zO
i’ll always care abt u but i gotta find myself.37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyxMUhhn8Kn
ur amazing 💕 don’t let anyone tell u diff.37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaYBgiLiBza
also i still want my hoodie back lol 💔”37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4CFsHrlhFJ
[END SUFFERING]
i’m genuinely unwell. my skin crawled.
— maya
From: [email protected]37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxnTqPmznju
To: [email protected]37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk1vEgGoECx
Subject: oh no.
MAYA.37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcXh4xsIXjG
that man committed emotional damage and aesthetic violence in one go.
🥺 + Comic Sans + “lol” in a breakup???37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7lIXRaGPB7
my soul just left my body.
i vote we ban him from fonts. and feelings.
— eli
From: [email protected]37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡttjXzCRfWT
To: [email protected]37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrNSwHnw5a6
Subject: font ban confirmed
i hereby sentence him to only use Papyrus.37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFiVWzWl5hj
and never speak of feelings again.37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe3vsHh0rWN
the hoodie has been burned for symbolic healing. 🔥
question:37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtc4Qr44c6c
what would you write in a breakup text?37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGIfMY0FmxS
(no pressure. purely hypothetical. totally not judging.)
— maya37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4nbEdMPZUk
font judge, emotional auditor
From: [email protected]37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxJLRmmVaB0
To: [email protected]37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY6zaDbBibd
Subject: okay wow pressure much
okay this feels like a trap but fine.
i’d probably go for something honest.37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ18UOXTV3Fc
not a novel. no 🥺 emojis. something like:
“this isn’t easy. you’re someone i care about deeply,37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw4cOmzI56r
but i’m not in the right place to give you what you deserve.37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy1q0S4c3qc
i hope you find someone who can.”
then i’d ghost myself out of embarrassment.
is that... too sincere for an email friendship?
— eli
From: [email protected]37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOoFdlczcnp
To: [email protected]37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ56dLM0ffrC
Subject: okay rude now i’m feeling things
eli.37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDJ4r9wmJdp
that was weirdly lovely.37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡglWKIuUZmY
and now i feel weird for judging people who cry at fonts.
also: are we email friends now?37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoT9Blt7U1V
was there a form i missed?37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZPTSdZxIpk
should i be sending muffins?
— maya37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡESWnflp1qP
emotionally compromised, probably baking
From: [email protected]37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOe6iH88kFm
To: [email protected]37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtumA5eAYkp
Subject: it’s official
congrats.37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVU0xWeGE0v
you are now contractually my accidental email friend.37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfqND3VRV9J
no muffins required, just vibes and inbox chaos.
although.37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡldzKScsbNp
if you did bake, i wouldn’t say no.
— eli37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6GnqZU7NDd
friend of font victims
37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡumJq83dwYX
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