From: [email protected]123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkzbOtBCj2f
To: [email protected]123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwNJ5xzdUfX
Subject: please tell me you like Helvetica
important question:123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAx9BadhO1Z
how do you feel about fonts?
i ask because my actual groupmate eli (aka The Betrayer) sent his entire breakup text to his ex in freaking Comic Sans.123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5gVRAi0YBd
it was 6 paragraphs. with emojis.
i feel secondhand heartbreak AND secondhand shame.
— maya123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtTEoURQRx9
helvetica loyalist
From: [email protected]123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYSmXjcDFuf
To: [email protected]123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJKEsUqpy0u
Subject: font crimes are real
comic sans?? for a breakup??123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWqMYYlfbDW
he deserves jail. like... maximum security. solitary confinement with only wingdings as company.
you’re right to be distressed.
ps: helvetica supremacy.123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqtJ8CcIsQK
pps: do i get to hear the breakup text in full? asking for... educational purposes.
— eli123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXyLWd8ow1J
font snob & emotionally nosy
From: [email protected]123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD8nDe5lhBz
To: [email protected]123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFykZIZEFfU
Subject: for academic suffering only
fine. you brought this upon yourself.
[BEGIN TEXT DUMP]
“hey babe 🥺 i just think we’re like, not vibing anymore 😔123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKLNtdsj8Pl
i’ll always care abt u but i gotta find myself.123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8OzuwC4dYs
ur amazing 💕 don’t let anyone tell u diff.123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrLpWe8ur5q
also i still want my hoodie back lol 💔”123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡunY2NLVEls
[END SUFFERING]
i’m genuinely unwell. my skin crawled.
— maya
From: [email protected]123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2tzHm38EUf
To: [email protected]123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK4NHzL1aCr
Subject: oh no.
MAYA.123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWKj2aHpTaY
that man committed emotional damage and aesthetic violence in one go.
🥺 + Comic Sans + “lol” in a breakup???123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnc0DLuFLbg
my soul just left my body.
i vote we ban him from fonts. and feelings.
— eli
From: [email protected]123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbZOUm28MoT
To: [email protected]123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpI39xMmGEM
Subject: font ban confirmed
i hereby sentence him to only use Papyrus.123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ylv6I55va
and never speak of feelings again.123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjtw94mo5LC
the hoodie has been burned for symbolic healing. 🔥
question:123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8QOyV5K6VQ
what would you write in a breakup text?123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9KPwOwH9lN
(no pressure. purely hypothetical. totally not judging.)
— maya123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡckBy1KRdPY
font judge, emotional auditor
From: [email protected]123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOwEfqtTMA2
To: [email protected]123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxxEp90Kfne
Subject: okay wow pressure much
okay this feels like a trap but fine.
i’d probably go for something honest.123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIMNlmpAPQb
not a novel. no 🥺 emojis. something like:
“this isn’t easy. you’re someone i care about deeply,123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyTBbtvCidy
but i’m not in the right place to give you what you deserve.123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMtUJA6j21B
i hope you find someone who can.”
then i’d ghost myself out of embarrassment.
is that... too sincere for an email friendship?
— eli
From: [email protected]123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOVgxlSItWQ
To: [email protected]123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6vdJa3DbAh
Subject: okay rude now i’m feeling things
eli.123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPoRgnIxyah
that was weirdly lovely.123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUHrcHHPdYz
and now i feel weird for judging people who cry at fonts.
also: are we email friends now?123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgUCPcnlhaf
was there a form i missed?123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVCrVI0h47C
should i be sending muffins?
— maya123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0dJr8xoSZ6
emotionally compromised, probably baking
From: [email protected]123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxcBASxgmdE
To: [email protected]123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQbPZfLfe2N
Subject: it’s official
congrats.123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ03PFer8463
you are now contractually my accidental email friend.123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ9eJPwAAt9
no muffins required, just vibes and inbox chaos.
although.123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5XxojOpNta
if you did bake, i wouldn’t say no.
— eli123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwe6eFx5lOB
friend of font victims
123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEK0TmBe3cr
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