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From: [email protected]46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ6LlVX9qcC
To: [email protected]46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡccC8Wp8AFg
Subject: Schedule confirmation + passive-aggressive muffin update
hi eli,46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU0kO2GCBiD
just confirming the 2PM group meeting this thursday at Hume Hall still stands.46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeyWR3zqQjx
also, erin brought in those weird protein muffins again. no one ate them. she’s pretending not to notice.
— maya
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU2htZjpyq2
From: [email protected]46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCmX1JgWrDq
To: [email protected]46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuqsrm53DFS
Subject: I think I’m the wrong Eli
Hey Maya,46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhyxsweVldG
You’ve got the wrong Eli.46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNLXt2ek1Sk
I would love to say I was scheduled for a group meeting, but I am currently eating cereal on my couch, pants-less, and I don’t know anyone named Erin (or her offensive muffins).
Best of luck though. Team meetings and baked disappointment sound like a vibe.
– Not-Your-Eli46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVz2v6CQnJ3
aka Eli Martin
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkX5lewcncW
From: [email protected]46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzKuAmUrDa1
To: [email protected]46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdlR1wUTarg
Subject: 😂 oh my god sorry
oh. my. god.46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuaI7waQoy2
definitely wrong eli.46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0qvFe01fCN
also, the mental image of you pants-less eating cereal? horrifying — and weirdly relatable.46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtIJZdRwrzx
sincerely,46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5EAIBjjyXc
a girl who can no longer face protein muffins or group emails
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrtNgr9K7oj
From: [email protected]46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX71HzEDJ9V
To: [email protected]46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDFQeC5TeSQ
Subject: the muffin has been notified
No worries. Happens more than you'd think.46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcuWmN9TDJC
A guy once sent me his grocery list. It was 100% just “almond milk, floss, condoms, hot Cheetos.”46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD1zsyowpKW
No context. I still think about him.
Tell Erin I support her, but also: maybe try banana bread.
– Eli (the wrong one, but apparently memorable)
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPdGDHc5C0U
From: [email protected]46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0sO8vy7Og6
To: [email protected]46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfovCoBply4
Subject: wrong but kind of right
you’re honestly better than the eli i was trying to reach.46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZRKk6uFB8e
he once used Comic Sans in a group doc.
ps. banana bread is god tier. erin could never.
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡto0qfHXewB
From: [email protected]46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcOh2E2wA0h
To: [email protected]46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWeXAhSeDYc
Subject: justice for banana bread
maya,46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfbnnfZw7ZN
is this our meet-cute?46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtaShV7I1CI
like in a chaotic email inbox kind of way?
you insulted a guy’s muffins, complimented banana bread, and accidentally messaged me.46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3TJ9Q5hpum
i don’t know. feels cinematic.
– still not your eli46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp5V8MoUU91
but i might be a decent one
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtZZpc3gTiH
From: [email protected]46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvw0hsp2cni
To: [email protected]46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZjVoOxRBZJ
Subject: definitely a netflix pilot
if this becomes a romance — it better have a 90s soundtrack and questionable fashion.46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUr02anzfws
(i call dibs on overalls and sad-girl eyeliner.)46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGthRz0SExK
also: are we still emailing or is this where it ends?
just asking for… curiosity reasons.
– maya46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOVOoqfJ5rJ
professional emailer of strangers
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBvnjpD2Tih
From: [email protected]46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmGUHsVizIQ
To: [email protected]46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ83NYgq7T8i
Subject: only weird if we stop
nah. let’s keep emailing.46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMpzh3RtTlv
it’s kind of the most interesting thing that’s happened to me this week.
plus i want more muffin drama. and maybe your spotify recs.46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8lQkblwFx1
purely academic interest, of course.
– eli
From: [email protected]46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk9L2IdJ9Mn
To: [email protected]46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ94DSe1WweW
Subject: Re: only weird if we stop
glad you’re on board — who knew muffin drama could bring two wrong elis together?
also, if you start a support group for victims of questionable baked goods, count me in as president.
looking forward to more of your cereal pants stories and maybe some actual muffin updates.
— maya46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡACfQ5InB1y
professional emailer of strangers
P.S. what’s your all-time worst muffin crime? asking for a friend.46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAaYzDHbSkI
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