|| 8:00 pm ||
From: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsaiOAMgBK7
To: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMe7KE77gVS
Subject: Schedule confirmation + passive-aggressive muffin update
hi eli,43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBJf1nqKlPb
just confirming the 2PM group meeting this thursday at Hume Hall still stands.43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUGTGjWkH5k
also, erin brought in those weird protein muffins again. no one ate them. she’s pretending not to notice.
— maya
43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR58nbbfPWk
From: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2QemCAkdvg
To: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVH6eC8wfyW
Subject: I think I’m the wrong Eli
Hey Maya,43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9B30b7lCZU
You’ve got the wrong Eli.43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6oFtqU35pf
I would love to say I was scheduled for a group meeting, but I am currently eating cereal on my couch, pants-less, and I don’t know anyone named Erin (or her offensive muffins).
Best of luck though. Team meetings and baked disappointment sound like a vibe.
– Not-Your-Eli43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS14UREJ8Xw
aka Eli Martin
43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt5YnsjMo8i
From: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9aDvQpVGTq
To: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMPIzc75Lm7
Subject: 😂 oh my god sorry
oh. my. god.43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdyUUyKYQwH
definitely wrong eli.43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoxO3XaJOuz
also, the mental image of you pants-less eating cereal? horrifying — and weirdly relatable.43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlIXFCPzWA7
sincerely,43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJuTEu1aqrY
a girl who can no longer face protein muffins or group emails
43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡonXvRtMxN4
From: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu6J3bMge9d
To: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2aUrLoEBwd
Subject: the muffin has been notified
No worries. Happens more than you'd think.43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRMh120vnkF
A guy once sent me his grocery list. It was 100% just “almond milk, floss, condoms, hot Cheetos.”43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOEbJhaYLtF
No context. I still think about him.
Tell Erin I support her, but also: maybe try banana bread.
– Eli (the wrong one, but apparently memorable)
43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1r55E20Yqk
From: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡusihtLLF5F
To: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK3JEQtmGCL
Subject: wrong but kind of right
you’re honestly better than the eli i was trying to reach.43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSKgdZjZEfY
he once used Comic Sans in a group doc.
ps. banana bread is god tier. erin could never.
43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBggdmTSAUF
From: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFk3vmLeuas
To: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0KLUnf5IfA
Subject: justice for banana bread
maya,43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKrxWKG5p5r
is this our meet-cute?43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡONQXUKzfp2
like in a chaotic email inbox kind of way?
you insulted a guy’s muffins, complimented banana bread, and accidentally messaged me.43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ95M0LXVHck
i don’t know. feels cinematic.
– still not your eli43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBHo2k5Ih6N
but i might be a decent one
43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz2795DsZG5
From: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMuRHwYmM5T
To: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgVmnFmhw0v
Subject: definitely a netflix pilot
if this becomes a romance — it better have a 90s soundtrack and questionable fashion.43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAiflekIQyE
(i call dibs on overalls and sad-girl eyeliner.)43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRiyldVD7p6
also: are we still emailing or is this where it ends?
just asking for… curiosity reasons.
– maya43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxXEEkUCBK7
professional emailer of strangers
43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxjalqfrImO
From: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfkjPBUL8Wt
To: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS4p8Vb8FYs
Subject: only weird if we stop
nah. let’s keep emailing.43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYstY8WFJm7
it’s kind of the most interesting thing that’s happened to me this week.
plus i want more muffin drama. and maybe your spotify recs.43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡURPa4EK4ds
purely academic interest, of course.
– eli
From: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJGigKDgp0f
To: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWHbbPJ1WqJ
Subject: Re: only weird if we stop
glad you’re on board — who knew muffin drama could bring two wrong elis together?
also, if you start a support group for victims of questionable baked goods, count me in as president.
looking forward to more of your cereal pants stories and maybe some actual muffin updates.
— maya43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSwR0CwnCnc
professional emailer of strangers
P.S. what’s your all-time worst muffin crime? asking for a friend.43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD6XGwtMQgR
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