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From: [email protected]63Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7bw68K7PP2
To: [email protected]63Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡodRu4E94CS
Subject: Schedule confirmation + passive-aggressive muffin update
hi eli,63Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsEJQIlNspU
just confirming the 2PM group meeting this thursday at Hume Hall still stands.63Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHTIom2oJRx
also, erin brought in those weird protein muffins again. no one ate them. she’s pretending not to notice.
— maya
63Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkDkib31n6T
From: [email protected]63Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx1tQX9aKVF
To: [email protected]63Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF8Z239HvzN
Subject: I think I’m the wrong Eli
Hey Maya,63Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7H3IcdUylH
You’ve got the wrong Eli.63Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLTmBICSmep
I would love to say I was scheduled for a group meeting, but I am currently eating cereal on my couch, pants-less, and I don’t know anyone named Erin (or her offensive muffins).
Best of luck though. Team meetings and baked disappointment sound like a vibe.
– Not-Your-Eli63Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6zTm1b0eTM
aka Eli Martin
63Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa22m6285wp
From: [email protected]63Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Nttl7X8d1
To: [email protected]63Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaGCzFSePni
Subject: 😂 oh my god sorry
oh. my. god.63Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdaHlNRZeCy
definitely wrong eli.63Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ69Mgdw8m2F
also, the mental image of you pants-less eating cereal? horrifying — and weirdly relatable.63Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMVPoQ3t7kD
sincerely,63Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA3pT0tXdib
a girl who can no longer face protein muffins or group emails
63Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4vQTlHzQfF
From: [email protected]63Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRzQZigEdgO
To: [email protected]63Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡicUS2ikHBX
Subject: the muffin has been notified
No worries. Happens more than you'd think.63Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKrzVHdUonH
A guy once sent me his grocery list. It was 100% just “almond milk, floss, condoms, hot Cheetos.”63Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEnBe0JEUMl
No context. I still think about him.
Tell Erin I support her, but also: maybe try banana bread.
– Eli (the wrong one, but apparently memorable)
63Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDbqxeQgVaw
From: [email protected]63Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpaxg6lgllI
To: [email protected]63Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqGe4J8f8aW
Subject: wrong but kind of right
you’re honestly better than the eli i was trying to reach.63Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQjUEfwuT26
he once used Comic Sans in a group doc.
ps. banana bread is god tier. erin could never.
63Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGjnytrZIkE
From: [email protected]63Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3DkB95oD1c
To: [email protected]63Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIAjOnerYNw
Subject: justice for banana bread
maya,63Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8A3ffEhoFv
is this our meet-cute?63Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwOxkj6E4pp
like in a chaotic email inbox kind of way?
you insulted a guy’s muffins, complimented banana bread, and accidentally messaged me.63Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSdJvEERAz1
i don’t know. feels cinematic.
– still not your eli63Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfVh875FrFr
but i might be a decent one
63Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeodHt0Fkdb
From: [email protected]63Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhRvlatuu7Q
To: [email protected]63Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeY9y82LLUu
Subject: definitely a netflix pilot
if this becomes a romance — it better have a 90s soundtrack and questionable fashion.63Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyXFxYZLPev
(i call dibs on overalls and sad-girl eyeliner.)63Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYmWm6xiZM6
also: are we still emailing or is this where it ends?
just asking for… curiosity reasons.
– maya63Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoPzoly74j1
professional emailer of strangers
63Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiGnQBDzJUq
From: [email protected]63Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwXW3UVirRe
To: [email protected]63Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWRdPee5MKa
Subject: only weird if we stop
nah. let’s keep emailing.63Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMQE6L6eRKq
it’s kind of the most interesting thing that’s happened to me this week.
plus i want more muffin drama. and maybe your spotify recs.63Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaHfJwsQX9W
purely academic interest, of course.
– eli
From: [email protected]63Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrcQBG6kkfP
To: [email protected]63Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3hSTIX888P
Subject: Re: only weird if we stop
glad you’re on board — who knew muffin drama could bring two wrong elis together?
also, if you start a support group for victims of questionable baked goods, count me in as president.
looking forward to more of your cereal pants stories and maybe some actual muffin updates.
— maya63Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtUcta0F9Pz
professional emailer of strangers
P.S. what’s your all-time worst muffin crime? asking for a friend.63Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzf3H2TJSwZ
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