|| 8:00 pm ||
From: [email protected]273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1lo3xgGO29
To: [email protected]273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG41WOOwww8
Subject: Schedule confirmation + passive-aggressive muffin update
hi eli,273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9zbhqcOLkm
just confirming the 2PM group meeting this thursday at Hume Hall still stands.273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡILhqg4ZMjV
also, erin brought in those weird protein muffins again. no one ate them. she’s pretending not to notice.
— maya
273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGgd7l4RKjq
From: [email protected]273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡan5NlaSHbG
To: [email protected]273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcOZvy11zPF
Subject: I think I’m the wrong Eli
Hey Maya,273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ5B2S0U7jv
You’ve got the wrong Eli.273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHYPibGhxaN
I would love to say I was scheduled for a group meeting, but I am currently eating cereal on my couch, pants-less, and I don’t know anyone named Erin (or her offensive muffins).
Best of luck though. Team meetings and baked disappointment sound like a vibe.
– Not-Your-Eli273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfjkYa4VMIq
aka Eli Martin
273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkhAcGuYS8S
From: [email protected]273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSHihy9m00V
To: [email protected]273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYA7ChGqe46
Subject: 😂 oh my god sorry
oh. my. god.273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvyh1LhcxcD
definitely wrong eli.273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlb1RzcboMw
also, the mental image of you pants-less eating cereal? horrifying — and weirdly relatable.273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe3sgiN41El
sincerely,273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBBhuEi9XCO
a girl who can no longer face protein muffins or group emails
273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfYxhUl7aqR
From: [email protected]273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYizlx0aVcp
To: [email protected]273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvYYnnt0PxE
Subject: the muffin has been notified
No worries. Happens more than you'd think.273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8TagTEcgDL
A guy once sent me his grocery list. It was 100% just “almond milk, floss, condoms, hot Cheetos.”273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9dcOW68xok
No context. I still think about him.
Tell Erin I support her, but also: maybe try banana bread.
– Eli (the wrong one, but apparently memorable)
273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbJcAcjt9gI
From: [email protected]273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡENqM8AyrOK
To: [email protected]273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3KbDv6Xije
Subject: wrong but kind of right
you’re honestly better than the eli i was trying to reach.273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQmvMRYuwd4
he once used Comic Sans in a group doc.
ps. banana bread is god tier. erin could never.
273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPNMGzAxcez
From: [email protected]273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFnYIx87875
To: [email protected]273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1HVybddzaS
Subject: justice for banana bread
maya,273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNIyH8UMN0x
is this our meet-cute?273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8knFRM45vm
like in a chaotic email inbox kind of way?
you insulted a guy’s muffins, complimented banana bread, and accidentally messaged me.273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4u2Re6M6mF
i don’t know. feels cinematic.
– still not your eli273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVnEWo9LMck
but i might be a decent one
273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ03GHuAEdx2
From: [email protected]273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXpQKShcit3
To: [email protected]273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLvVlnFxfo1
Subject: definitely a netflix pilot
if this becomes a romance — it better have a 90s soundtrack and questionable fashion.273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw9ehz93ck0
(i call dibs on overalls and sad-girl eyeliner.)273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsqiJRveIyK
also: are we still emailing or is this where it ends?
just asking for… curiosity reasons.
– maya273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrC4O9fPm3X
professional emailer of strangers
273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ZJDUD9KIY
From: [email protected]273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeQ0Ao2ywj0
To: [email protected]273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjVsuK1HngO
Subject: only weird if we stop
nah. let’s keep emailing.273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrBj04lXpFP
it’s kind of the most interesting thing that’s happened to me this week.
plus i want more muffin drama. and maybe your spotify recs.273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXKy6lIPKcI
purely academic interest, of course.
– eli
From: [email protected]273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfIT9sBhhOl
To: [email protected]273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVHbAzCTrfl
Subject: Re: only weird if we stop
glad you’re on board — who knew muffin drama could bring two wrong elis together?
also, if you start a support group for victims of questionable baked goods, count me in as president.
looking forward to more of your cereal pants stories and maybe some actual muffin updates.
— maya273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEP6j4YjSd7
professional emailer of strangers
P.S. what’s your all-time worst muffin crime? asking for a friend.273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYNsB9TCQAo
and then Add to home screen.