|| 8:00 pm ||
From: [email protected]46Please respect copyright.PENANAZ6LlVX9qcC
To: [email protected]46Please respect copyright.PENANAccC8Wp8AFg
Subject: Schedule confirmation + passive-aggressive muffin update
hi eli,46Please respect copyright.PENANAU0kO2GCBiD
just confirming the 2PM group meeting this thursday at Hume Hall still stands.46Please respect copyright.PENANAeyWR3zqQjx
also, erin brought in those weird protein muffins again. no one ate them. she’s pretending not to notice.
— maya
46Please respect copyright.PENANAU2htZjpyq2
From: [email protected]46Please respect copyright.PENANACmX1JgWrDq
To: [email protected]46Please respect copyright.PENANAuqsrm53DFS
Subject: I think I’m the wrong Eli
Hey Maya,46Please respect copyright.PENANAhyxsweVldG
You’ve got the wrong Eli.46Please respect copyright.PENANANLXt2ek1Sk
I would love to say I was scheduled for a group meeting, but I am currently eating cereal on my couch, pants-less, and I don’t know anyone named Erin (or her offensive muffins).
Best of luck though. Team meetings and baked disappointment sound like a vibe.
– Not-Your-Eli46Please respect copyright.PENANAVz2v6CQnJ3
aka Eli Martin
46Please respect copyright.PENANAkX5lewcncW
From: [email protected]46Please respect copyright.PENANAzKuAmUrDa1
To: [email protected]46Please respect copyright.PENANAdlR1wUTarg
Subject: 😂 oh my god sorry
oh. my. god.46Please respect copyright.PENANAuaI7waQoy2
definitely wrong eli.46Please respect copyright.PENANA0qvFe01fCN
also, the mental image of you pants-less eating cereal? horrifying — and weirdly relatable.46Please respect copyright.PENANAtIJZdRwrzx
sincerely,46Please respect copyright.PENANA5EAIBjjyXc
a girl who can no longer face protein muffins or group emails
46Please respect copyright.PENANArtNgr9K7oj
From: [email protected]46Please respect copyright.PENANAX71HzEDJ9V
To: [email protected]46Please respect copyright.PENANADFQeC5TeSQ
Subject: the muffin has been notified
No worries. Happens more than you'd think.46Please respect copyright.PENANAcuWmN9TDJC
A guy once sent me his grocery list. It was 100% just “almond milk, floss, condoms, hot Cheetos.”46Please respect copyright.PENANAD1zsyowpKW
No context. I still think about him.
Tell Erin I support her, but also: maybe try banana bread.
– Eli (the wrong one, but apparently memorable)
46Please respect copyright.PENANAPdGDHc5C0U
From: [email protected]46Please respect copyright.PENANA0sO8vy7Og6
To: [email protected]46Please respect copyright.PENANAfovCoBply4
Subject: wrong but kind of right
you’re honestly better than the eli i was trying to reach.46Please respect copyright.PENANAZRKk6uFB8e
he once used Comic Sans in a group doc.
ps. banana bread is god tier. erin could never.
46Please respect copyright.PENANAto0qfHXewB
From: [email protected]46Please respect copyright.PENANAcOh2E2wA0h
To: [email protected]46Please respect copyright.PENANAWeXAhSeDYc
Subject: justice for banana bread
maya,46Please respect copyright.PENANAfbnnfZw7ZN
is this our meet-cute?46Please respect copyright.PENANAtaShV7I1CI
like in a chaotic email inbox kind of way?
you insulted a guy’s muffins, complimented banana bread, and accidentally messaged me.46Please respect copyright.PENANA3TJ9Q5hpum
i don’t know. feels cinematic.
– still not your eli46Please respect copyright.PENANAp5V8MoUU91
but i might be a decent one
46Please respect copyright.PENANAtZZpc3gTiH
From: [email protected]46Please respect copyright.PENANAvw0hsp2cni
To: [email protected]46Please respect copyright.PENANAZjVoOxRBZJ
Subject: definitely a netflix pilot
if this becomes a romance — it better have a 90s soundtrack and questionable fashion.46Please respect copyright.PENANAUr02anzfws
(i call dibs on overalls and sad-girl eyeliner.)46Please respect copyright.PENANAGthRz0SExK
also: are we still emailing or is this where it ends?
just asking for… curiosity reasons.
– maya46Please respect copyright.PENANAOVOoqfJ5rJ
professional emailer of strangers
46Please respect copyright.PENANABvnjpD2Tih
From: [email protected]46Please respect copyright.PENANAmGUHsVizIQ
To: [email protected]46Please respect copyright.PENANA83NYgq7T8i
Subject: only weird if we stop
nah. let’s keep emailing.46Please respect copyright.PENANAMpzh3RtTlv
it’s kind of the most interesting thing that’s happened to me this week.
plus i want more muffin drama. and maybe your spotify recs.46Please respect copyright.PENANA8lQkblwFx1
purely academic interest, of course.
– eli
From: [email protected]46Please respect copyright.PENANAk9L2IdJ9Mn
To: [email protected]46Please respect copyright.PENANA94DSe1WweW
Subject: Re: only weird if we stop
glad you’re on board — who knew muffin drama could bring two wrong elis together?
also, if you start a support group for victims of questionable baked goods, count me in as president.
looking forward to more of your cereal pants stories and maybe some actual muffin updates.
— maya46Please respect copyright.PENANAACfQ5InB1y
professional emailer of strangers
P.S. what’s your all-time worst muffin crime? asking for a friend.46Please respect copyright.PENANAAaYzDHbSkI