|| 8:00 pm ||
From: [email protected]53Please respect copyright.PENANAqAeGNykonZ
To: [email protected]53Please respect copyright.PENANAzIjH5mwuk7
Subject: Schedule confirmation + passive-aggressive muffin update
hi eli,53Please respect copyright.PENANA0Pf8pFzh6h
just confirming the 2PM group meeting this thursday at Hume Hall still stands.53Please respect copyright.PENANAXfdByzwSpK
also, erin brought in those weird protein muffins again. no one ate them. she’s pretending not to notice.
— maya
53Please respect copyright.PENANAheFUcgyvzl
From: [email protected]53Please respect copyright.PENANA9UWQegtHbu
To: [email protected]53Please respect copyright.PENANA6zgmnQiseP
Subject: I think I’m the wrong Eli
Hey Maya,53Please respect copyright.PENANA62MYbLVL2j
You’ve got the wrong Eli.53Please respect copyright.PENANA3RGy6nQKFt
I would love to say I was scheduled for a group meeting, but I am currently eating cereal on my couch, pants-less, and I don’t know anyone named Erin (or her offensive muffins).
Best of luck though. Team meetings and baked disappointment sound like a vibe.
– Not-Your-Eli53Please respect copyright.PENANAs0ceFJXT2j
aka Eli Martin
53Please respect copyright.PENANA1JsiJyk7N7
From: [email protected]53Please respect copyright.PENANA54bXJ8VaKF
To: [email protected]53Please respect copyright.PENANAzJmy4aYqRz
Subject: 😂 oh my god sorry
oh. my. god.53Please respect copyright.PENANAqDpZXpO7w5
definitely wrong eli.53Please respect copyright.PENANAI7ujCEThe2
also, the mental image of you pants-less eating cereal? horrifying — and weirdly relatable.53Please respect copyright.PENANAUlIP8mNTX8
sincerely,53Please respect copyright.PENANA106SJwy3kP
a girl who can no longer face protein muffins or group emails
53Please respect copyright.PENANADuK4QE4ER8
From: [email protected]53Please respect copyright.PENANAAAlh0nzEGT
To: [email protected]53Please respect copyright.PENANA5McXVZoLzV
Subject: the muffin has been notified
No worries. Happens more than you'd think.53Please respect copyright.PENANAdet7fbE9BO
A guy once sent me his grocery list. It was 100% just “almond milk, floss, condoms, hot Cheetos.”53Please respect copyright.PENANAvUABUilvyq
No context. I still think about him.
Tell Erin I support her, but also: maybe try banana bread.
– Eli (the wrong one, but apparently memorable)
53Please respect copyright.PENANARr6wftpgGV
From: [email protected]53Please respect copyright.PENANAUJpAOlbJpP
To: [email protected]53Please respect copyright.PENANAmkAgcPaYQZ
Subject: wrong but kind of right
you’re honestly better than the eli i was trying to reach.53Please respect copyright.PENANAvIeiEfLfBH
he once used Comic Sans in a group doc.
ps. banana bread is god tier. erin could never.
53Please respect copyright.PENANAuNXrUnxbk8
From: [email protected]53Please respect copyright.PENANAwbqdE21Kl6
To: [email protected]53Please respect copyright.PENANAnffimuxI9g
Subject: justice for banana bread
maya,53Please respect copyright.PENANAfpV0f5NODu
is this our meet-cute?53Please respect copyright.PENANAOagwFQUKb5
like in a chaotic email inbox kind of way?
you insulted a guy’s muffins, complimented banana bread, and accidentally messaged me.53Please respect copyright.PENANAT1keGPQd0n
i don’t know. feels cinematic.
– still not your eli53Please respect copyright.PENANAPLzT5e2WlA
but i might be a decent one
53Please respect copyright.PENANAHXiLnERZ0M
From: [email protected]53Please respect copyright.PENANAUZjxir7EX1
To: [email protected]53Please respect copyright.PENANAWKVi5tDvQf
Subject: definitely a netflix pilot
if this becomes a romance — it better have a 90s soundtrack and questionable fashion.53Please respect copyright.PENANApwRzlLy95c
(i call dibs on overalls and sad-girl eyeliner.)53Please respect copyright.PENANAArHSgSgVjt
also: are we still emailing or is this where it ends?
just asking for… curiosity reasons.
– maya53Please respect copyright.PENANADeHHyrOLdW
professional emailer of strangers
53Please respect copyright.PENANA8wUEO5kGsF
From: [email protected]53Please respect copyright.PENANAVIiLVvuFRn
To: [email protected]53Please respect copyright.PENANA56LgkMppPQ
Subject: only weird if we stop
nah. let’s keep emailing.53Please respect copyright.PENANAPEjMTxXXFk
it’s kind of the most interesting thing that’s happened to me this week.
plus i want more muffin drama. and maybe your spotify recs.53Please respect copyright.PENANApU3Vykv4Jf
purely academic interest, of course.
– eli
From: [email protected]53Please respect copyright.PENANAxugV67GU78
To: [email protected]53Please respect copyright.PENANABKdqmFsUwc
Subject: Re: only weird if we stop
glad you’re on board — who knew muffin drama could bring two wrong elis together?
also, if you start a support group for victims of questionable baked goods, count me in as president.
looking forward to more of your cereal pants stories and maybe some actual muffin updates.
— maya53Please respect copyright.PENANAj3V3lVcC4X
professional emailer of strangers
P.S. what’s your all-time worst muffin crime? asking for a friend.53Please respect copyright.PENANAd38on3nRLQ