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From: [email protected]53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqAeGNykonZ
To: [email protected]53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzIjH5mwuk7
Subject: Schedule confirmation + passive-aggressive muffin update
hi eli,53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Pf8pFzh6h
just confirming the 2PM group meeting this thursday at Hume Hall still stands.53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXfdByzwSpK
also, erin brought in those weird protein muffins again. no one ate them. she’s pretending not to notice.
— maya
53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡheFUcgyvzl
From: [email protected]53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9UWQegtHbu
To: [email protected]53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6zgmnQiseP
Subject: I think I’m the wrong Eli
Hey Maya,53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ62MYbLVL2j
You’ve got the wrong Eli.53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3RGy6nQKFt
I would love to say I was scheduled for a group meeting, but I am currently eating cereal on my couch, pants-less, and I don’t know anyone named Erin (or her offensive muffins).
Best of luck though. Team meetings and baked disappointment sound like a vibe.
– Not-Your-Eli53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs0ceFJXT2j
aka Eli Martin
53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1JsiJyk7N7
From: [email protected]53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ54bXJ8VaKF
To: [email protected]53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzJmy4aYqRz
Subject: 😂 oh my god sorry
oh. my. god.53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqDpZXpO7w5
definitely wrong eli.53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI7ujCEThe2
also, the mental image of you pants-less eating cereal? horrifying — and weirdly relatable.53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUlIP8mNTX8
sincerely,53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ106SJwy3kP
a girl who can no longer face protein muffins or group emails
53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDuK4QE4ER8
From: [email protected]53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAAlh0nzEGT
To: [email protected]53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5McXVZoLzV
Subject: the muffin has been notified
No worries. Happens more than you'd think.53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdet7fbE9BO
A guy once sent me his grocery list. It was 100% just “almond milk, floss, condoms, hot Cheetos.”53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvUABUilvyq
No context. I still think about him.
Tell Erin I support her, but also: maybe try banana bread.
– Eli (the wrong one, but apparently memorable)
53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRr6wftpgGV
From: [email protected]53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUJpAOlbJpP
To: [email protected]53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmkAgcPaYQZ
Subject: wrong but kind of right
you’re honestly better than the eli i was trying to reach.53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvIeiEfLfBH
he once used Comic Sans in a group doc.
ps. banana bread is god tier. erin could never.
53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuNXrUnxbk8
From: [email protected]53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwbqdE21Kl6
To: [email protected]53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnffimuxI9g
Subject: justice for banana bread
maya,53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfpV0f5NODu
is this our meet-cute?53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOagwFQUKb5
like in a chaotic email inbox kind of way?
you insulted a guy’s muffins, complimented banana bread, and accidentally messaged me.53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT1keGPQd0n
i don’t know. feels cinematic.
– still not your eli53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPLzT5e2WlA
but i might be a decent one
53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHXiLnERZ0M
From: [email protected]53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUZjxir7EX1
To: [email protected]53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWKVi5tDvQf
Subject: definitely a netflix pilot
if this becomes a romance — it better have a 90s soundtrack and questionable fashion.53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpwRzlLy95c
(i call dibs on overalls and sad-girl eyeliner.)53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡArHSgSgVjt
also: are we still emailing or is this where it ends?
just asking for… curiosity reasons.
– maya53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDeHHyrOLdW
professional emailer of strangers
53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8wUEO5kGsF
From: [email protected]53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVIiLVvuFRn
To: [email protected]53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ56LgkMppPQ
Subject: only weird if we stop
nah. let’s keep emailing.53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPEjMTxXXFk
it’s kind of the most interesting thing that’s happened to me this week.
plus i want more muffin drama. and maybe your spotify recs.53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpU3Vykv4Jf
purely academic interest, of course.
– eli
From: [email protected]53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxugV67GU78
To: [email protected]53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBKdqmFsUwc
Subject: Re: only weird if we stop
glad you’re on board — who knew muffin drama could bring two wrong elis together?
also, if you start a support group for victims of questionable baked goods, count me in as president.
looking forward to more of your cereal pants stories and maybe some actual muffin updates.
— maya53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj3V3lVcC4X
professional emailer of strangers
P.S. what’s your all-time worst muffin crime? asking for a friend.53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd38on3nRLQ
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