|| 8:00 pm ||
From: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.PENANAsaiOAMgBK7
To: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.PENANAMe7KE77gVS
Subject: Schedule confirmation + passive-aggressive muffin update
hi eli,43Please respect copyright.PENANABJf1nqKlPb
just confirming the 2PM group meeting this thursday at Hume Hall still stands.43Please respect copyright.PENANAUGTGjWkH5k
also, erin brought in those weird protein muffins again. no one ate them. she’s pretending not to notice.
— maya
43Please respect copyright.PENANAR58nbbfPWk
From: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.PENANA2QemCAkdvg
To: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.PENANAVH6eC8wfyW
Subject: I think I’m the wrong Eli
Hey Maya,43Please respect copyright.PENANA9B30b7lCZU
You’ve got the wrong Eli.43Please respect copyright.PENANA6oFtqU35pf
I would love to say I was scheduled for a group meeting, but I am currently eating cereal on my couch, pants-less, and I don’t know anyone named Erin (or her offensive muffins).
Best of luck though. Team meetings and baked disappointment sound like a vibe.
– Not-Your-Eli43Please respect copyright.PENANAS14UREJ8Xw
aka Eli Martin
43Please respect copyright.PENANAt5YnsjMo8i
From: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.PENANA9aDvQpVGTq
To: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.PENANAMPIzc75Lm7
Subject: 😂 oh my god sorry
oh. my. god.43Please respect copyright.PENANAdyUUyKYQwH
definitely wrong eli.43Please respect copyright.PENANAoxO3XaJOuz
also, the mental image of you pants-less eating cereal? horrifying — and weirdly relatable.43Please respect copyright.PENANAlIXFCPzWA7
sincerely,43Please respect copyright.PENANAJuTEu1aqrY
a girl who can no longer face protein muffins or group emails
43Please respect copyright.PENANAonXvRtMxN4
From: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.PENANAu6J3bMge9d
To: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.PENANA2aUrLoEBwd
Subject: the muffin has been notified
No worries. Happens more than you'd think.43Please respect copyright.PENANARMh120vnkF
A guy once sent me his grocery list. It was 100% just “almond milk, floss, condoms, hot Cheetos.”43Please respect copyright.PENANAOEbJhaYLtF
No context. I still think about him.
Tell Erin I support her, but also: maybe try banana bread.
– Eli (the wrong one, but apparently memorable)
43Please respect copyright.PENANA1r55E20Yqk
From: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.PENANAusihtLLF5F
To: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.PENANAK3JEQtmGCL
Subject: wrong but kind of right
you’re honestly better than the eli i was trying to reach.43Please respect copyright.PENANASKgdZjZEfY
he once used Comic Sans in a group doc.
ps. banana bread is god tier. erin could never.
43Please respect copyright.PENANABggdmTSAUF
From: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.PENANAFk3vmLeuas
To: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.PENANA0KLUnf5IfA
Subject: justice for banana bread
maya,43Please respect copyright.PENANAKrxWKG5p5r
is this our meet-cute?43Please respect copyright.PENANAONQXUKzfp2
like in a chaotic email inbox kind of way?
you insulted a guy’s muffins, complimented banana bread, and accidentally messaged me.43Please respect copyright.PENANA95M0LXVHck
i don’t know. feels cinematic.
– still not your eli43Please respect copyright.PENANABHo2k5Ih6N
but i might be a decent one
43Please respect copyright.PENANAz2795DsZG5
From: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.PENANAMuRHwYmM5T
To: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.PENANAgVmnFmhw0v
Subject: definitely a netflix pilot
if this becomes a romance — it better have a 90s soundtrack and questionable fashion.43Please respect copyright.PENANAAiflekIQyE
(i call dibs on overalls and sad-girl eyeliner.)43Please respect copyright.PENANARiyldVD7p6
also: are we still emailing or is this where it ends?
just asking for… curiosity reasons.
– maya43Please respect copyright.PENANAxXEEkUCBK7
professional emailer of strangers
43Please respect copyright.PENANAxjalqfrImO
From: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.PENANAfkjPBUL8Wt
To: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.PENANAS4p8Vb8FYs
Subject: only weird if we stop
nah. let’s keep emailing.43Please respect copyright.PENANAYstY8WFJm7
it’s kind of the most interesting thing that’s happened to me this week.
plus i want more muffin drama. and maybe your spotify recs.43Please respect copyright.PENANAURPa4EK4ds
purely academic interest, of course.
– eli
From: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.PENANAJGigKDgp0f
To: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.PENANAWHbbPJ1WqJ
Subject: Re: only weird if we stop
glad you’re on board — who knew muffin drama could bring two wrong elis together?
also, if you start a support group for victims of questionable baked goods, count me in as president.
looking forward to more of your cereal pants stories and maybe some actual muffin updates.
— maya43Please respect copyright.PENANASwR0CwnCnc
professional emailer of strangers
P.S. what’s your all-time worst muffin crime? asking for a friend.43Please respect copyright.PENANAD6XGwtMQgR