From: [email protected]48Please respect copyright.PENANAuatzMsEJzt
To: [email protected]48Please respect copyright.PENANAtxQGLDMK6h
Subject: please tell me you like Helvetica
important question:48Please respect copyright.PENANA3N5o2rwmNB
how do you feel about fonts?
i ask because my actual groupmate eli (aka The Betrayer) sent his entire breakup text to his ex in freaking Comic Sans.48Please respect copyright.PENANAjF6wcJpnCV
it was 6 paragraphs. with emojis.
i feel secondhand heartbreak AND secondhand shame.
— maya48Please respect copyright.PENANAyuxfoPIGMm
helvetica loyalist
From: [email protected]48Please respect copyright.PENANAjgMd9HHgK6
To: [email protected]48Please respect copyright.PENANA0v6VVOSmbw
Subject: font crimes are real
comic sans?? for a breakup??48Please respect copyright.PENANA1cjsY4ZHWq
he deserves jail. like... maximum security. solitary confinement with only wingdings as company.
you’re right to be distressed.
ps: helvetica supremacy.48Please respect copyright.PENANAx0L8LcmGXA
pps: do i get to hear the breakup text in full? asking for... educational purposes.
— eli48Please respect copyright.PENANAHXUhoA0FVQ
font snob & emotionally nosy
From: [email protected]48Please respect copyright.PENANAEcAKhTL0Es
To: [email protected]48Please respect copyright.PENANAxf0RV3kBik
Subject: for academic suffering only
fine. you brought this upon yourself.
[BEGIN TEXT DUMP]
“hey babe 🥺 i just think we’re like, not vibing anymore 😔48Please respect copyright.PENANA2DCGoqrZKj
i’ll always care abt u but i gotta find myself.48Please respect copyright.PENANAxPi9FHE35T
ur amazing 💕 don’t let anyone tell u diff.48Please respect copyright.PENANAVYQZHDX4cT
also i still want my hoodie back lol 💔”48Please respect copyright.PENANAJgbmfykUuD
[END SUFFERING]
i’m genuinely unwell. my skin crawled.
— maya
From: [email protected]48Please respect copyright.PENANAWQS3c8V666
To: [email protected]48Please respect copyright.PENANAZDbKhgmcAw
Subject: oh no.
MAYA.48Please respect copyright.PENANAH3UU4BlWuc
that man committed emotional damage and aesthetic violence in one go.
🥺 + Comic Sans + “lol” in a breakup???48Please respect copyright.PENANAUVHSJnEzJK
my soul just left my body.
i vote we ban him from fonts. and feelings.
— eli
From: [email protected]48Please respect copyright.PENANAAy3Aytvfsv
To: [email protected]48Please respect copyright.PENANAd3wZJiY7j9
Subject: font ban confirmed
i hereby sentence him to only use Papyrus.48Please respect copyright.PENANAvGdIWDBKwT
and never speak of feelings again.48Please respect copyright.PENANA74YLfXa80i
the hoodie has been burned for symbolic healing. 🔥
question:48Please respect copyright.PENANA6V9DfWtLqq
what would you write in a breakup text?48Please respect copyright.PENANAlIg57nM9iw
(no pressure. purely hypothetical. totally not judging.)
— maya48Please respect copyright.PENANA9WWQOe5QUz
font judge, emotional auditor
From: [email protected]48Please respect copyright.PENANAxsK08I9nhy
To: [email protected]48Please respect copyright.PENANA2vaIJQs3Nr
Subject: okay wow pressure much
okay this feels like a trap but fine.
i’d probably go for something honest.48Please respect copyright.PENANAf9Jfosj8qX
not a novel. no 🥺 emojis. something like:
“this isn’t easy. you’re someone i care about deeply,48Please respect copyright.PENANAF2MNcYKP4O
but i’m not in the right place to give you what you deserve.48Please respect copyright.PENANA1UgS1iz3CH
i hope you find someone who can.”
then i’d ghost myself out of embarrassment.
is that... too sincere for an email friendship?
— eli
From: [email protected]48Please respect copyright.PENANAU3OyDe710P
To: [email protected]48Please respect copyright.PENANABGWYChXw95
Subject: okay rude now i’m feeling things
eli.48Please respect copyright.PENANAnjFrZ3qkQk
that was weirdly lovely.48Please respect copyright.PENANAoxOxbOSY6C
and now i feel weird for judging people who cry at fonts.
also: are we email friends now?48Please respect copyright.PENANA87r7uldCWD
was there a form i missed?48Please respect copyright.PENANAASYTRqMAmS
should i be sending muffins?
— maya48Please respect copyright.PENANAxU0fuFwpTf
emotionally compromised, probably baking
From: [email protected]48Please respect copyright.PENANA2U4qkKd8Ot
To: [email protected]48Please respect copyright.PENANAO5IqAC1Sm4
Subject: it’s official
congrats.48Please respect copyright.PENANAhwIr3mgs1x
you are now contractually my accidental email friend.48Please respect copyright.PENANA63A8KZfyuB
no muffins required, just vibes and inbox chaos.
although.48Please respect copyright.PENANAARoh0e3vqO
if you did bake, i wouldn’t say no.
— eli48Please respect copyright.PENANA3F4ajl8YGH
friend of font victims
48Please respect copyright.PENANAkuJMQBCxWJ