From: [email protected]42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpCvsRdr4Hj
To: [email protected]42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO2ioRWgdpV
Subject: please tell me you like Helvetica
important question:42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKTUlGqJHVU
how do you feel about fonts?
i ask because my actual groupmate eli (aka The Betrayer) sent his entire breakup text to his ex in freaking Comic Sans.42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRGYeCRnHof
it was 6 paragraphs. with emojis.
i feel secondhand heartbreak AND secondhand shame.
— maya42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQLPUx8JBsz
helvetica loyalist
From: [email protected]42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE0gY87ydq8
To: [email protected]42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9qOM4N2dZn
Subject: font crimes are real
comic sans?? for a breakup??42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGEKJhUf4Bm
he deserves jail. like... maximum security. solitary confinement with only wingdings as company.
you’re right to be distressed.
ps: helvetica supremacy.42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL8to9Wc9KB
pps: do i get to hear the breakup text in full? asking for... educational purposes.
— eli42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXCugpdPxHL
font snob & emotionally nosy
From: [email protected]42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCN5WJ7rz3E
To: [email protected]42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXveNpV9ojV
Subject: for academic suffering only
fine. you brought this upon yourself.
[BEGIN TEXT DUMP]
“hey babe 🥺 i just think we’re like, not vibing anymore 😔42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyra4zp1lE5
i’ll always care abt u but i gotta find myself.42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsRYpR9LYhS
ur amazing 💕 don’t let anyone tell u diff.42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWlgfR3l1tD
also i still want my hoodie back lol 💔”42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYJKjcYERYi
[END SUFFERING]
i’m genuinely unwell. my skin crawled.
— maya
From: [email protected]42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS2maTCCuu2
To: [email protected]42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6z8HwptKh8
Subject: oh no.
MAYA.42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPuwmUixTwG
that man committed emotional damage and aesthetic violence in one go.
🥺 + Comic Sans + “lol” in a breakup???42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJTPgCOGY72
my soul just left my body.
i vote we ban him from fonts. and feelings.
— eli
From: [email protected]42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡItsvQFwhBc
To: [email protected]42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQM4YltJVmj
Subject: font ban confirmed
i hereby sentence him to only use Papyrus.42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTOLnMBCiCn
and never speak of feelings again.42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY9P4OixCdC
the hoodie has been burned for symbolic healing. 🔥
question:42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPtwQ8dFRNe
what would you write in a breakup text?42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXNDPlu5irc
(no pressure. purely hypothetical. totally not judging.)
— maya42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSptvtE9NbB
font judge, emotional auditor
From: [email protected]42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkGuHYQUFYA
To: [email protected]42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU4ziBjCe7x
Subject: okay wow pressure much
okay this feels like a trap but fine.
i’d probably go for something honest.42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjQxJx24KzQ
not a novel. no 🥺 emojis. something like:
“this isn’t easy. you’re someone i care about deeply,42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaUIUPGcTPk
but i’m not in the right place to give you what you deserve.42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcOJBlYJtql
i hope you find someone who can.”
then i’d ghost myself out of embarrassment.
is that... too sincere for an email friendship?
— eli
From: [email protected]42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5dmg9lQFad
To: [email protected]42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWwyxYv1ogI
Subject: okay rude now i’m feeling things
eli.42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOFAzz97JLj
that was weirdly lovely.42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcSUmZGxSMa
and now i feel weird for judging people who cry at fonts.
also: are we email friends now?42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeGZKRZj3u3
was there a form i missed?42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTy7xB7t9Lw
should i be sending muffins?
— maya42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQwMJZvT5cA
emotionally compromised, probably baking
From: [email protected]42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ11Gim4Vwv4
To: [email protected]42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRHWoBVUkE1
Subject: it’s official
congrats.42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvsCQ8KgrFf
you are now contractually my accidental email friend.42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJUtMjcKFu5
no muffins required, just vibes and inbox chaos.
although.42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxaYHhIeSUY
if you did bake, i wouldn’t say no.
— eli42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdnpor6hDV7
friend of font victims
42Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaC3okYNfha
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