"Nothing heals heartbreak like screaming Olivia Rodrigo at full volume."
From: [email protected]19Please respect copyright.PENANAQWVf6eW6L1
To: [email protected]19Please respect copyright.PENANAvbACNKFkSD
Subject: pettiest playlist of the year goes to… me
eli.19Please respect copyright.PENANAMq9d7xExjv
i made a playlist titled “for when your groupmate uses comic sans and your faith in humanity breaks.”19Please respect copyright.PENANAKgtwIBeW5Y
i’m currently scream-singing to track 4 while eating cereal with a fork because all my spoons are in the sink.19Please respect copyright.PENANAOXWZGpH6hF
it’s a mood.
– maya19Please respect copyright.PENANAsyS41xInky
sad. dramatic. cereal-forking.
From: [email protected]19Please respect copyright.PENANArfAtbR4mI5
To: [email protected]19Please respect copyright.PENANAbQNNv04Shr
Subject: cereal fork is a vibe
maya.19Please respect copyright.PENANAUB3vvCQP65
track 4 better be “good 4 u” or i’m calling the authorities.19Please respect copyright.PENANAMkqmzw7gOi
also, the fork thing is valid. i once drank iced coffee with a knife. no regrets.19Please respect copyright.PENANAKB8hbV1p1i
send me the playlist. for... peer review.
– eli19Please respect copyright.PENANADI920w0qMR
music snob, chaos enabler
From: [email protected]19Please respect copyright.PENANAAX6XLyRVEG
To: [email protected]19Please respect copyright.PENANASmZjK71jY9
Subject: attached: rage therapy 💕
okay you asked for it.19Please respect copyright.PENANAhk2xTxSlqe
enjoy: [https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4mtUmL00VaYfC0gkEH0Odt?si=uPQWcd-5RuGOfoOppIcfQg] “dear god why do men” — a playlist in five stages of grief, three accidental crushes, and one cup of weaponized spite.
tracklist highlights:
misery business – paramore
better than revenge – taylor swift
good 4 u – olivia rodrigo
brutal – also olivia, my queen
should’ve said no – taylor again, obviously
kill bill – sza (i don’t condone murder, but i vibe)
– maya19Please respect copyright.PENANAwHO60azFaa
the most dramatic person you never met
From: [email protected]19Please respect copyright.PENANAEIxDc5jwEG
To: [email protected]19Please respect copyright.PENANAhnpdqK14LB
Subject: playlist review: violently iconic
maya.19Please respect copyright.PENANAaCnzx7d6Ip
i have goosebumps.19Please respect copyright.PENANAfxpPmIfUSW
i want to fight someone. i don’t even know who. but i’m hyped.19Please respect copyright.PENANAEkffX8bxDj
“kill bill” came on and i almost texted my ex “good luck.”19Please respect copyright.PENANA1k7PySo2So
i didn’t. but spiritually, i did.
also: “dear god why do men” deserves a grammy for best emotional support.
– eli19Please respect copyright.PENANAwbxc3SP3M2
threatened. inspired.
From: [email protected]19Please respect copyright.PENANA7pD2EB8X3v
To: [email protected]19Please respect copyright.PENANAO3nBxPm0UT
Subject: so we’re rage soulmates now?
eli,19Please respect copyright.PENANAaUH5rOLhZO
you passed the vibe check.19Please respect copyright.PENANAdtBxM3cJPi
you didn’t question my musical angst or my cereal fork.19Please respect copyright.PENANAZygMjinfhC
this feels like the start of something irrationally comforting.
ps: have you ever cried to phoebe bridgers in a parking lot or is that just me?
– maya19Please respect copyright.PENANAjy2pVXai9N
emotionally stable adjacent
From: [email protected]19Please respect copyright.PENANA25dO7x90yg
To: [email protected]19Please respect copyright.PENANAHZcGyInyDC
Subject: phoebe bridgers made me cry at the DMV
maya.19Please respect copyright.PENANAe8IO9jMfYa
“motion sickness” came on. i was holding a ticket that said A132.19Please respect copyright.PENANAGCenOywXrs
i did cry.19Please respect copyright.PENANAl8HBfwHevE
the security guard offered me a tissue and a mint.
so yes. we’re bonded now.
– eli19Please respect copyright.PENANAgCq1DqALof
co-president, feelings club
From: [email protected]19Please respect copyright.PENANA1AZa9AVFfM
To: [email protected]19Please respect copyright.PENANAvOS4uj4mkQ
Subject: certified mood
i would like to formally nominate you as:
my email pen pal
my official heartbreak soundtrack consultant
and co-author of “texts we never sent but emotionally screamed”
it’s a growing resume. benefits include emotional chaos and unsolicited memes.
– maya19Please respect copyright.PENANA8WF8p73Xs9
possibly your new internet pen friend
From: [email protected]19Please respect copyright.PENANA58PIdFrHqj
To: [email protected]19Please respect copyright.PENANA4QPpaEkyzT
Subject: i accept the role
with great inbox comes great responsibility.19Please respect copyright.PENANA3xvWchhnSe
you send the songs, i’ll send the sarcasm.19Please respect copyright.PENANAg9qWMrumV0
together we’re like...19Please respect copyright.PENANA8VODvKIEwj
the emotional avengers.19Please respect copyright.PENANAsUUJqyLaKS
no capes though. just playlists.
– eli19Please respect copyright.PENANAgF2odxWVVz
ready to rage, reply, repeat
Attachment: Liner Notes from Eli Martin19Please respect copyright.PENANAUHELVFj09H
🎧 “dear god why do men” – Reviewed
📝 liner notes by eli, who has clearly felt too much and judged too many fonts
Track 1: Misery Business – Paramore19Please respect copyright.PENANAQoRadUYoNU
this track made me want to break up with someone i’m not dating.19Please respect copyright.PENANAd8TJXbj13e
⭐ rage level: 9.5/10
Track 2: Better Than Revenge – Taylor Swift19Please respect copyright.PENANA8d60UDpjnV
may have shouted “she’s not a saint!” at a squirrel.19Please respect copyright.PENANArl7y0KlthM
⭐ sass factor: 11/10
Track 3: good 4 u – Olivia Rodrigo19Please respect copyright.PENANAPz6xhZqDl0
screamed into a spoon. felt better.19Please respect copyright.PENANATWY33d9PKW
⭐ catharsis: 10/10
Track 4: brutal – Olivia Rodrigo19Please respect copyright.PENANAYJqNixJkdJ
i knocked over a lamp. worth it.19Please respect copyright.PENANAgCnDuqRlMB
⭐ chaos energy: unmeasurable
Track 5: should’ve said no – Taylor Swift19Please respect copyright.PENANAwLcPUyhSej
the rain cried for me.19Please respect copyright.PENANAkyXtnhALEY
⭐ drama: peak
Track 6: Kill Bill – SZA19Please respect copyright.PENANAppZDgx1Occ
i do not condone murder. but i understand.19Please respect copyright.PENANAabfOgpVSDU
⭐ emotional weaponry: activated
Final thoughts:19Please respect copyright.PENANAB7dC1cNedD
this playlist isn't therapy. it's exorcism.19Please respect copyright.PENANAKcY8NU3wPX
i feel seen, personally attacked, and spiritually lighter.19Please respect copyright.PENANAAiNsQ1pndd
maya, if you ever make another one — please consider me your chaos consultant.
– eli19Please respect copyright.PENANAJr9V8n5jWQ
officially unwell in a poetic way