"Nothing heals heartbreak like screaming Olivia Rodrigo at full volume."
From: [email protected]244Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrXPgds5LxK
To: [email protected]244Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrup9fJCx6D
Subject: pettiest playlist of the year goes to… me
eli.244Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVacCZe5cIP
i made a playlist titled “for when your groupmate uses comic sans and your faith in humanity breaks.”244Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPcO4ZNesK3
i’m currently scream-singing to track 4 while eating cereal with a fork because all my spoons are in the sink.244Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoNGxiVJ1H8
it’s a mood.
– maya244Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAWdW14gIl0
sad. dramatic. cereal-forking.
From: [email protected]244Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsLimNS8F6J
To: [email protected]244Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZOIcBVCtnX
Subject: cereal fork is a vibe
maya.244Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp1m7SBjxTh
track 4 better be “good 4 u” or i’m calling the authorities.244Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw45DR20uoy
also, the fork thing is valid. i once drank iced coffee with a knife. no regrets.244Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlPufhROg4e
send me the playlist. for... peer review.
– eli244Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQil0jyINK8
music snob, chaos enabler
From: [email protected]244Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiqTjhmH7Wv
To: [email protected]244Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIV6O519l69
Subject: attached: rage therapy 💕
okay you asked for it.244Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPjjqWAh3ar
enjoy: [https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4mtUmL00VaYfC0gkEH0Odt?si=uPQWcd-5RuGOfoOppIcfQg] “dear god why do men” — a playlist in five stages of grief, three accidental crushes, and one cup of weaponized spite.
tracklist highlights:
misery business – paramore
better than revenge – taylor swift
good 4 u – olivia rodrigo
brutal – also olivia, my queen
should’ve said no – taylor again, obviously
kill bill – sza (i don’t condone murder, but i vibe)
– maya244Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3OXrmKYhlo
the most dramatic person you never met
From: [email protected]244Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDE1a62XPFA
To: [email protected]244Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCKmZ0pbqBo
Subject: playlist review: violently iconic
maya.244Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0qVCKE3oop
i have goosebumps.244Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZsHZ9fFtHr
i want to fight someone. i don’t even know who. but i’m hyped.244Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8J1RnQU13A
“kill bill” came on and i almost texted my ex “good luck.”244Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAcSdY7LdZN
i didn’t. but spiritually, i did.
also: “dear god why do men” deserves a grammy for best emotional support.
– eli244Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkQ9u1eWHZU
threatened. inspired.
From: [email protected]244Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9wK9YeAMZY
To: [email protected]244Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFBeQqJit0K
Subject: so we’re rage soulmates now?
eli,244Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡid1AlTRwy9
you passed the vibe check.244Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8bwRgtKYaA
you didn’t question my musical angst or my cereal fork.244Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQIoTb9ly3S
this feels like the start of something irrationally comforting.
ps: have you ever cried to phoebe bridgers in a parking lot or is that just me?
– maya244Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4LnAyeOsYU
emotionally stable adjacent
From: [email protected]244Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLysv4sPxA2
To: [email protected]244Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaSkg9yCr2a
Subject: phoebe bridgers made me cry at the DMV
maya.244Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNkebUkidOF
“motion sickness” came on. i was holding a ticket that said A132.244Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpkWFqdZqzm
i did cry.244Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBa4bjG7Aoq
the security guard offered me a tissue and a mint.
so yes. we’re bonded now.
– eli244Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTm0FERGt8Y
co-president, feelings club
From: [email protected]244Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEzo0lkwzvD
To: [email protected]244Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiR7nAjKpTs
Subject: certified mood
i would like to formally nominate you as:
my email pen pal
my official heartbreak soundtrack consultant
and co-author of “texts we never sent but emotionally screamed”
it’s a growing resume. benefits include emotional chaos and unsolicited memes.
– maya244Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw9z1ndkr2y
possibly your new internet pen friend
From: [email protected]244Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF06sjTbPLx
To: [email protected]244Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZE45VBxh5D
Subject: i accept the role
with great inbox comes great responsibility.244Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLNaX19dtGL
you send the songs, i’ll send the sarcasm.244Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnOKIcbu7QV
together we’re like...244Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqjKfhee8BP
the emotional avengers.244Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRp3C1LRpRO
no capes though. just playlists.
– eli244Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8alFXdpEiV
ready to rage, reply, repeat
Attachment: Liner Notes from Eli Martin244Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT406rdHhJE
🎧 “dear god why do men” – Reviewed
📝 liner notes by eli, who has clearly felt too much and judged too many fonts
Track 1: Misery Business – Paramore244Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlOvOSlu2Fg
this track made me want to break up with someone i’m not dating.244Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMizrXKuD7m
⭐ rage level: 9.5/10
Track 2: Better Than Revenge – Taylor Swift244Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH96FVZs8Fb
may have shouted “she’s not a saint!” at a squirrel.244Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmxaUo6LYrZ
⭐ sass factor: 11/10
Track 3: good 4 u – Olivia Rodrigo244Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡISAb2cHr8Y
screamed into a spoon. felt better.244Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡouprUu64z8
⭐ catharsis: 10/10
Track 4: brutal – Olivia Rodrigo244Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBF79zwpGIt
i knocked over a lamp. worth it.244Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnTpI2GNPqB
⭐ chaos energy: unmeasurable
Track 5: should’ve said no – Taylor Swift244Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf6UBxAbWla
the rain cried for me.244Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Lye0x5wPA
⭐ drama: peak
Track 6: Kill Bill – SZA244Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk1fUGCzZtA
i do not condone murder. but i understand.244Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMl4lBCapNT
⭐ emotional weaponry: activated
Final thoughts:244Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfnzwHXYXSP
this playlist isn't therapy. it's exorcism.244Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp0Iim19eBQ
i feel seen, personally attacked, and spiritually lighter.244Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡONMo4smwZF
maya, if you ever make another one — please consider me your chaos consultant.
– eli244Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcWUoyvpaFX
officially unwell in a poetic way
and then Add to home screen.