"Nothing heals heartbreak like screaming Olivia Rodrigo at full volume."
From: [email protected]30Please respect copyright.PENANAE44uqJVetp
To: [email protected]30Please respect copyright.PENANA6ZJprFLy9g
Subject: pettiest playlist of the year goes to… me
eli.30Please respect copyright.PENANAGUwNACZxS7
i made a playlist titled “for when your groupmate uses comic sans and your faith in humanity breaks.”30Please respect copyright.PENANArUBa79Pjze
i’m currently scream-singing to track 4 while eating cereal with a fork because all my spoons are in the sink.30Please respect copyright.PENANAePm2T8Yo0k
it’s a mood.
– maya30Please respect copyright.PENANAER9JL5JNnM
sad. dramatic. cereal-forking.
From: [email protected]30Please respect copyright.PENANA7dz686ycUJ
To: [email protected]30Please respect copyright.PENANAyHVA6wDFAQ
Subject: cereal fork is a vibe
maya.30Please respect copyright.PENANA6sWhCsJzf4
track 4 better be “good 4 u” or i’m calling the authorities.30Please respect copyright.PENANA80PRskUTaE
also, the fork thing is valid. i once drank iced coffee with a knife. no regrets.30Please respect copyright.PENANAO5Lww0quWU
send me the playlist. for... peer review.
– eli30Please respect copyright.PENANAaFStzuOE2H
music snob, chaos enabler
From: [email protected]30Please respect copyright.PENANAPWU6WEJ0il
To: [email protected]30Please respect copyright.PENANAXVgE2F7ufA
Subject: attached: rage therapy 💕
okay you asked for it.30Please respect copyright.PENANArpq1BXvncW
enjoy: [https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4mtUmL00VaYfC0gkEH0Odt?si=uPQWcd-5RuGOfoOppIcfQg] “dear god why do men” — a playlist in five stages of grief, three accidental crushes, and one cup of weaponized spite.
tracklist highlights:
misery business – paramore
better than revenge – taylor swift
good 4 u – olivia rodrigo
brutal – also olivia, my queen
should’ve said no – taylor again, obviously
kill bill – sza (i don’t condone murder, but i vibe)
– maya30Please respect copyright.PENANATK4f9CcQqY
the most dramatic person you never met
From: [email protected]30Please respect copyright.PENANAIb2VRTPpaU
To: [email protected]30Please respect copyright.PENANAaN7oSPR1Qs
Subject: playlist review: violently iconic
maya.30Please respect copyright.PENANAnR62V6CQwJ
i have goosebumps.30Please respect copyright.PENANAQUBi9NUDaN
i want to fight someone. i don’t even know who. but i’m hyped.30Please respect copyright.PENANAbpfcIPBtJX
“kill bill” came on and i almost texted my ex “good luck.”30Please respect copyright.PENANAfuwumT10KG
i didn’t. but spiritually, i did.
also: “dear god why do men” deserves a grammy for best emotional support.
– eli30Please respect copyright.PENANAvHGUp6EOTA
threatened. inspired.
From: [email protected]30Please respect copyright.PENANAiaPh7yOvES
To: [email protected]30Please respect copyright.PENANAV97PHuQuUo
Subject: so we’re rage soulmates now?
eli,30Please respect copyright.PENANA8PID4k32pr
you passed the vibe check.30Please respect copyright.PENANAyvU4wRPjF4
you didn’t question my musical angst or my cereal fork.30Please respect copyright.PENANAsul6OVA2r6
this feels like the start of something irrationally comforting.
ps: have you ever cried to phoebe bridgers in a parking lot or is that just me?
– maya30Please respect copyright.PENANAxdIWFDDVff
emotionally stable adjacent
From: [email protected]30Please respect copyright.PENANAq8xG7c79yF
To: [email protected]30Please respect copyright.PENANAdTTRXgimxt
Subject: phoebe bridgers made me cry at the DMV
maya.30Please respect copyright.PENANAHteexkSyow
“motion sickness” came on. i was holding a ticket that said A132.30Please respect copyright.PENANAWn3K94RdGS
i did cry.30Please respect copyright.PENANAihnRiGbFyI
the security guard offered me a tissue and a mint.
so yes. we’re bonded now.
– eli30Please respect copyright.PENANAVWDoRHXH2I
co-president, feelings club
From: [email protected]30Please respect copyright.PENANAGuXgLpQALK
To: [email protected]30Please respect copyright.PENANAM2Weu5yVx0
Subject: certified mood
i would like to formally nominate you as:
my email pen pal
my official heartbreak soundtrack consultant
and co-author of “texts we never sent but emotionally screamed”
it’s a growing resume. benefits include emotional chaos and unsolicited memes.
– maya30Please respect copyright.PENANA233BdhkiS1
possibly your new internet pen friend
From: [email protected]30Please respect copyright.PENANAP4iJ2xJbZo
To: [email protected]30Please respect copyright.PENANAUq6mkakHSM
Subject: i accept the role
with great inbox comes great responsibility.30Please respect copyright.PENANAiipqmeeA6X
you send the songs, i’ll send the sarcasm.30Please respect copyright.PENANA0CDOwzMBvS
together we’re like...30Please respect copyright.PENANAlmTp9bWtPM
the emotional avengers.30Please respect copyright.PENANAPnrc7iB0Rn
no capes though. just playlists.
– eli30Please respect copyright.PENANAW1kBycnkCG
ready to rage, reply, repeat
Attachment: Liner Notes from Eli Martin30Please respect copyright.PENANADbAx5WB4U9
🎧 “dear god why do men” – Reviewed
📝 liner notes by eli, who has clearly felt too much and judged too many fonts
Track 1: Misery Business – Paramore30Please respect copyright.PENANAjVyVA2ziRR
this track made me want to break up with someone i’m not dating.30Please respect copyright.PENANAtLml7mAB2U
⭐ rage level: 9.5/10
Track 2: Better Than Revenge – Taylor Swift30Please respect copyright.PENANApnSrbL1bsC
may have shouted “she’s not a saint!” at a squirrel.30Please respect copyright.PENANAxoYqSbVc0X
⭐ sass factor: 11/10
Track 3: good 4 u – Olivia Rodrigo30Please respect copyright.PENANAJbVw2nbxBE
screamed into a spoon. felt better.30Please respect copyright.PENANAL9ZojFlC48
⭐ catharsis: 10/10
Track 4: brutal – Olivia Rodrigo30Please respect copyright.PENANAzZdBqsnbBl
i knocked over a lamp. worth it.30Please respect copyright.PENANAF8i4kYb8nL
⭐ chaos energy: unmeasurable
Track 5: should’ve said no – Taylor Swift30Please respect copyright.PENANAirgN8fxxP9
the rain cried for me.30Please respect copyright.PENANAodlH9HLjrc
⭐ drama: peak
Track 6: Kill Bill – SZA30Please respect copyright.PENANA6JdyPUcGKR
i do not condone murder. but i understand.30Please respect copyright.PENANAhLuQuYVaLn
⭐ emotional weaponry: activated
Final thoughts:30Please respect copyright.PENANADXFzWi0uLz
this playlist isn't therapy. it's exorcism.30Please respect copyright.PENANA39zVmgp3vj
i feel seen, personally attacked, and spiritually lighter.30Please respect copyright.PENANAaY0bhtD2Po
maya, if you ever make another one — please consider me your chaos consultant.
– eli30Please respect copyright.PENANA13NiGzeUo3
officially unwell in a poetic way