"Nothing heals heartbreak like screaming Olivia Rodrigo at full volume."
From: [email protected]111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw6IAHmIlnc
To: [email protected]111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSaW2xrKMT9
Subject: pettiest playlist of the year goes to… me
eli.111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpwM9ScQpTJ
i made a playlist titled “for when your groupmate uses comic sans and your faith in humanity breaks.”111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5EBcbj3x7o
i’m currently scream-singing to track 4 while eating cereal with a fork because all my spoons are in the sink.111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVwxQKTYi2i
it’s a mood.
– maya111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBUcdFkAhUI
sad. dramatic. cereal-forking.
From: [email protected]111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW3xypyIP0Y
To: [email protected]111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrl4waz0EIV
Subject: cereal fork is a vibe
maya.111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr4bsqxGd3z
track 4 better be “good 4 u” or i’m calling the authorities.111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡERYYqFA4nu
also, the fork thing is valid. i once drank iced coffee with a knife. no regrets.111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbIQPGcZTJU
send me the playlist. for... peer review.
– eli111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLxoJWsWTLS
music snob, chaos enabler
From: [email protected]111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxKvSFeqwoC
To: [email protected]111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz7Qvv9nNgV
Subject: attached: rage therapy 💕
okay you asked for it.111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7L4ef7LvQl
enjoy: [https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4mtUmL00VaYfC0gkEH0Odt?si=uPQWcd-5RuGOfoOppIcfQg] “dear god why do men” — a playlist in five stages of grief, three accidental crushes, and one cup of weaponized spite.
tracklist highlights:
misery business – paramore
better than revenge – taylor swift
good 4 u – olivia rodrigo
brutal – also olivia, my queen
should’ve said no – taylor again, obviously
kill bill – sza (i don’t condone murder, but i vibe)
– maya111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDERz0QDuga
the most dramatic person you never met
From: [email protected]111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz4fHpRw6LV
To: [email protected]111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQuNqmWdx5O
Subject: playlist review: violently iconic
maya.111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbGKdGJlHP5
i have goosebumps.111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvSl0bvkgeH
i want to fight someone. i don’t even know who. but i’m hyped.111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡknVW3sU7q0
“kill bill” came on and i almost texted my ex “good luck.”111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrEklxPLzHv
i didn’t. but spiritually, i did.
also: “dear god why do men” deserves a grammy for best emotional support.
– eli111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOo8DLafscm
threatened. inspired.
From: [email protected]111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1vin36HYuf
To: [email protected]111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh4Gq9wuwc0
Subject: so we’re rage soulmates now?
eli,111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFJh2WadTJ9
you passed the vibe check.111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO48zWYYNav
you didn’t question my musical angst or my cereal fork.111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2zQ1jvOSxi
this feels like the start of something irrationally comforting.
ps: have you ever cried to phoebe bridgers in a parking lot or is that just me?
– maya111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXCevb0kBWx
emotionally stable adjacent
From: [email protected]111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLpqw8RkvHu
To: [email protected]111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVKXjEM9jKX
Subject: phoebe bridgers made me cry at the DMV
maya.111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmOIkwhD2Z4
“motion sickness” came on. i was holding a ticket that said A132.111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj01AKNOzvb
i did cry.111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUGy2OfuLnc
the security guard offered me a tissue and a mint.
so yes. we’re bonded now.
– eli111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1iA3Sn7hqi
co-president, feelings club
From: [email protected]111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9PFlpDIAK3
To: [email protected]111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt3H0qQPLpj
Subject: certified mood
i would like to formally nominate you as:
my email pen pal
my official heartbreak soundtrack consultant
and co-author of “texts we never sent but emotionally screamed”
it’s a growing resume. benefits include emotional chaos and unsolicited memes.
– maya111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmCQDGdviLf
possibly your new internet pen friend
From: [email protected]111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3ovlUfup1e
To: [email protected]111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlQNeCH08VR
Subject: i accept the role
with great inbox comes great responsibility.111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkXijvVKJtK
you send the songs, i’ll send the sarcasm.111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwu5LcSRdYK
together we’re like...111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK7D9SEXDSw
the emotional avengers.111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxgBdXCurnh
no capes though. just playlists.
– eli111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ39febSyxZe
ready to rage, reply, repeat
Attachment: Liner Notes from Eli Martin111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2okCjiMc5I
🎧 “dear god why do men” – Reviewed
📝 liner notes by eli, who has clearly felt too much and judged too many fonts
Track 1: Misery Business – Paramore111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDfUz7PyMxW
this track made me want to break up with someone i’m not dating.111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyG9X2ZHouw
⭐ rage level: 9.5/10
Track 2: Better Than Revenge – Taylor Swift111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVinAigBn9l
may have shouted “she’s not a saint!” at a squirrel.111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxH81tuo7iL
⭐ sass factor: 11/10
Track 3: good 4 u – Olivia Rodrigo111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9RPPUglzys
screamed into a spoon. felt better.111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNYGxJO2LhA
⭐ catharsis: 10/10
Track 4: brutal – Olivia Rodrigo111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTTg6vqagNQ
i knocked over a lamp. worth it.111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh2gMhegnJO
⭐ chaos energy: unmeasurable
Track 5: should’ve said no – Taylor Swift111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP6trJu7yDL
the rain cried for me.111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTJYrE6Skpa
⭐ drama: peak
Track 6: Kill Bill – SZA111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU5zHVG28gG
i do not condone murder. but i understand.111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2y6IwmBZMe
⭐ emotional weaponry: activated
Final thoughts:111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT0RBy41QW1
this playlist isn't therapy. it's exorcism.111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkteI3kWNLt
i feel seen, personally attacked, and spiritually lighter.111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3hl14JwATO
maya, if you ever make another one — please consider me your chaos consultant.
– eli111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡya0Etoeugp
officially unwell in a poetic way
and then Add to home screen.