"Nothing heals heartbreak like screaming Olivia Rodrigo at full volume."
From: [email protected]59Please respect copyright.PENANAJlsliwzXMW
To: [email protected]59Please respect copyright.PENANAaQGnSmrrhV
Subject: pettiest playlist of the year goes to… me
eli.59Please respect copyright.PENANAzxduDLlpQk
i made a playlist titled “for when your groupmate uses comic sans and your faith in humanity breaks.”59Please respect copyright.PENANA53JB4jwc6z
i’m currently scream-singing to track 4 while eating cereal with a fork because all my spoons are in the sink.59Please respect copyright.PENANAi4qFxaSgiT
it’s a mood.
– maya59Please respect copyright.PENANAbdavTsDQJd
sad. dramatic. cereal-forking.
From: [email protected]59Please respect copyright.PENANADEGcc3oF1y
To: [email protected]59Please respect copyright.PENANAqtdPQBZ5Lq
Subject: cereal fork is a vibe
maya.59Please respect copyright.PENANAuRBA9X8XLR
track 4 better be “good 4 u” or i’m calling the authorities.59Please respect copyright.PENANAYdnBz2EfOX
also, the fork thing is valid. i once drank iced coffee with a knife. no regrets.59Please respect copyright.PENANAQBy6eZvW6H
send me the playlist. for... peer review.
– eli59Please respect copyright.PENANAbxspyczAW8
music snob, chaos enabler
From: [email protected]59Please respect copyright.PENANArVM1LaGrJ8
To: [email protected]59Please respect copyright.PENANAzxM1XBli74
Subject: attached: rage therapy 💕
okay you asked for it.59Please respect copyright.PENANAm0Tebl7Cs1
enjoy: [https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4mtUmL00VaYfC0gkEH0Odt?si=uPQWcd-5RuGOfoOppIcfQg] “dear god why do men” — a playlist in five stages of grief, three accidental crushes, and one cup of weaponized spite.
tracklist highlights:
misery business – paramore
better than revenge – taylor swift
good 4 u – olivia rodrigo
brutal – also olivia, my queen
should’ve said no – taylor again, obviously
kill bill – sza (i don’t condone murder, but i vibe)
– maya59Please respect copyright.PENANARw53u9XCFA
the most dramatic person you never met
From: [email protected]59Please respect copyright.PENANAH3mguiUO9u
To: [email protected]59Please respect copyright.PENANAQ1gkh6fL0t
Subject: playlist review: violently iconic
maya.59Please respect copyright.PENANAch5QMFEpRb
i have goosebumps.59Please respect copyright.PENANAkJuSw9dQoa
i want to fight someone. i don’t even know who. but i’m hyped.59Please respect copyright.PENANAMnL6wijkaZ
“kill bill” came on and i almost texted my ex “good luck.”59Please respect copyright.PENANAEtmmjyIZHF
i didn’t. but spiritually, i did.
also: “dear god why do men” deserves a grammy for best emotional support.
– eli59Please respect copyright.PENANAgEWpu6k5zY
threatened. inspired.
From: [email protected]59Please respect copyright.PENANAnCEFtjWBWc
To: [email protected]59Please respect copyright.PENANApBtZfKvr12
Subject: so we’re rage soulmates now?
eli,59Please respect copyright.PENANAAXF0ycYPCf
you passed the vibe check.59Please respect copyright.PENANA8ZPgqhsQia
you didn’t question my musical angst or my cereal fork.59Please respect copyright.PENANA4kjeyZN8YZ
this feels like the start of something irrationally comforting.
ps: have you ever cried to phoebe bridgers in a parking lot or is that just me?
– maya59Please respect copyright.PENANAI9WnRn4aJ7
emotionally stable adjacent
From: [email protected]59Please respect copyright.PENANAiKaNYLtCYF
To: [email protected]59Please respect copyright.PENANA4cLPNQMGUU
Subject: phoebe bridgers made me cry at the DMV
maya.59Please respect copyright.PENANA1L2PrycC34
“motion sickness” came on. i was holding a ticket that said A132.59Please respect copyright.PENANARTG1HNur1C
i did cry.59Please respect copyright.PENANAEfZaplKm3U
the security guard offered me a tissue and a mint.
so yes. we’re bonded now.
– eli59Please respect copyright.PENANAoljEGCx6em
co-president, feelings club
From: [email protected]59Please respect copyright.PENANAnEwRRybaKA
To: [email protected]59Please respect copyright.PENANAHREbwmIV5S
Subject: certified mood
i would like to formally nominate you as:
my email pen pal
my official heartbreak soundtrack consultant
and co-author of “texts we never sent but emotionally screamed”
it’s a growing resume. benefits include emotional chaos and unsolicited memes.
– maya59Please respect copyright.PENANADkCDSpXYAc
possibly your new internet pen friend
From: [email protected]59Please respect copyright.PENANA0zhB177RLe
To: [email protected]59Please respect copyright.PENANAa9aXCm7ksI
Subject: i accept the role
with great inbox comes great responsibility.59Please respect copyright.PENANAd4BuFjS9zl
you send the songs, i’ll send the sarcasm.59Please respect copyright.PENANAijQxh64ntR
together we’re like...59Please respect copyright.PENANAKvhUGQPUjK
the emotional avengers.59Please respect copyright.PENANAjXsAAdecKJ
no capes though. just playlists.
– eli59Please respect copyright.PENANA59Y3yh895R
ready to rage, reply, repeat
Attachment: Liner Notes from Eli Martin59Please respect copyright.PENANAvuRarrQtVo
🎧 “dear god why do men” – Reviewed
📝 liner notes by eli, who has clearly felt too much and judged too many fonts
Track 1: Misery Business – Paramore59Please respect copyright.PENANAnfvS5HHUAp
this track made me want to break up with someone i’m not dating.59Please respect copyright.PENANAKGSkwwG8se
⭐ rage level: 9.5/10
Track 2: Better Than Revenge – Taylor Swift59Please respect copyright.PENANAoAVK3Zp2Yr
may have shouted “she’s not a saint!” at a squirrel.59Please respect copyright.PENANApGxtIcn7h9
⭐ sass factor: 11/10
Track 3: good 4 u – Olivia Rodrigo59Please respect copyright.PENANAO0VhwMTZOZ
screamed into a spoon. felt better.59Please respect copyright.PENANAMjBJIIzEf5
⭐ catharsis: 10/10
Track 4: brutal – Olivia Rodrigo59Please respect copyright.PENANAIiWVRE8RPE
i knocked over a lamp. worth it.59Please respect copyright.PENANA7U4qrfGcAf
⭐ chaos energy: unmeasurable
Track 5: should’ve said no – Taylor Swift59Please respect copyright.PENANAWYAFzneeBt
the rain cried for me.59Please respect copyright.PENANAFApQThxArz
⭐ drama: peak
Track 6: Kill Bill – SZA59Please respect copyright.PENANAM8JFLUtLbt
i do not condone murder. but i understand.59Please respect copyright.PENANAPqPPOppq5z
⭐ emotional weaponry: activated
Final thoughts:59Please respect copyright.PENANAHsdzPUIYQ4
this playlist isn't therapy. it's exorcism.59Please respect copyright.PENANAPxUzRLae15
i feel seen, personally attacked, and spiritually lighter.59Please respect copyright.PENANAmzPD2D4kGU
maya, if you ever make another one — please consider me your chaos consultant.
– eli59Please respect copyright.PENANA4lIECPnMd2
officially unwell in a poetic way