"Nothing heals heartbreak like screaming Olivia Rodrigo at full volume."
From: [email protected]58Please respect copyright.PENANAx7zKH2Ffod
To: [email protected]58Please respect copyright.PENANAEniQIjcc7c
Subject: pettiest playlist of the year goes to… me
eli.58Please respect copyright.PENANAaxGYFmKn9O
i made a playlist titled “for when your groupmate uses comic sans and your faith in humanity breaks.”58Please respect copyright.PENANAoTO6EejQlM
i’m currently scream-singing to track 4 while eating cereal with a fork because all my spoons are in the sink.58Please respect copyright.PENANAp9NlbYkc7h
it’s a mood.
– maya58Please respect copyright.PENANArD1eYiE60y
sad. dramatic. cereal-forking.
From: [email protected]58Please respect copyright.PENANAnPSHiVVIai
To: [email protected]58Please respect copyright.PENANAYGaxznoAoo
Subject: cereal fork is a vibe
maya.58Please respect copyright.PENANAH015bIE5bt
track 4 better be “good 4 u” or i’m calling the authorities.58Please respect copyright.PENANAIeNd18YKyQ
also, the fork thing is valid. i once drank iced coffee with a knife. no regrets.58Please respect copyright.PENANAoJpGgDdslT
send me the playlist. for... peer review.
– eli58Please respect copyright.PENANAy6SyJPLm2S
music snob, chaos enabler
From: [email protected]58Please respect copyright.PENANAv1QK19P3a8
To: [email protected]58Please respect copyright.PENANAB1WL5hCzh4
Subject: attached: rage therapy 💕
okay you asked for it.58Please respect copyright.PENANAmgVD8EJJeI
enjoy: [https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4mtUmL00VaYfC0gkEH0Odt?si=uPQWcd-5RuGOfoOppIcfQg] “dear god why do men” — a playlist in five stages of grief, three accidental crushes, and one cup of weaponized spite.
tracklist highlights:
misery business – paramore
better than revenge – taylor swift
good 4 u – olivia rodrigo
brutal – also olivia, my queen
should’ve said no – taylor again, obviously
kill bill – sza (i don’t condone murder, but i vibe)
– maya58Please respect copyright.PENANAhNENQ05XZT
the most dramatic person you never met
From: [email protected]58Please respect copyright.PENANAKgQR4Wp9N6
To: [email protected]58Please respect copyright.PENANAzlnGcvePhQ
Subject: playlist review: violently iconic
maya.58Please respect copyright.PENANADNlCBZViA4
i have goosebumps.58Please respect copyright.PENANAuuU22NX6BP
i want to fight someone. i don’t even know who. but i’m hyped.58Please respect copyright.PENANALE3wNxNlEd
“kill bill” came on and i almost texted my ex “good luck.”58Please respect copyright.PENANAvSkmjZEpL5
i didn’t. but spiritually, i did.
also: “dear god why do men” deserves a grammy for best emotional support.
– eli58Please respect copyright.PENANA9SsVNUuXZ7
threatened. inspired.
From: [email protected]58Please respect copyright.PENANAPs3WTlQGw3
To: [email protected]58Please respect copyright.PENANAYymmR9pQg1
Subject: so we’re rage soulmates now?
eli,58Please respect copyright.PENANAn6AIerCOEl
you passed the vibe check.58Please respect copyright.PENANAy0bDLdKqUC
you didn’t question my musical angst or my cereal fork.58Please respect copyright.PENANAUbP6eNYZuY
this feels like the start of something irrationally comforting.
ps: have you ever cried to phoebe bridgers in a parking lot or is that just me?
– maya58Please respect copyright.PENANA6sVaY89dD5
emotionally stable adjacent
From: [email protected]58Please respect copyright.PENANAW0lYJNo8l2
To: [email protected]58Please respect copyright.PENANAxIc8Juidwz
Subject: phoebe bridgers made me cry at the DMV
maya.58Please respect copyright.PENANA63jHOw6cAT
“motion sickness” came on. i was holding a ticket that said A132.58Please respect copyright.PENANAkf2B3sJ0ak
i did cry.58Please respect copyright.PENANAK8Mr9pZp2Z
the security guard offered me a tissue and a mint.
so yes. we’re bonded now.
– eli58Please respect copyright.PENANAMl8TwZzG05
co-president, feelings club
From: [email protected]58Please respect copyright.PENANAWfvQ0RTKVi
To: [email protected]58Please respect copyright.PENANAXZ6o6cjmH7
Subject: certified mood
i would like to formally nominate you as:
my email pen pal
my official heartbreak soundtrack consultant
and co-author of “texts we never sent but emotionally screamed”
it’s a growing resume. benefits include emotional chaos and unsolicited memes.
– maya58Please respect copyright.PENANAURZzLaKZ1j
possibly your new internet pen friend
From: [email protected]58Please respect copyright.PENANAwQb74tvMVh
To: [email protected]58Please respect copyright.PENANAqrFq3hs8mP
Subject: i accept the role
with great inbox comes great responsibility.58Please respect copyright.PENANAKQW0k9a9mP
you send the songs, i’ll send the sarcasm.58Please respect copyright.PENANAqqNzrx2y1I
together we’re like...58Please respect copyright.PENANAlS3rSti06J
the emotional avengers.58Please respect copyright.PENANAf90LQgUpfZ
no capes though. just playlists.
– eli58Please respect copyright.PENANAfT6ALpb44j
ready to rage, reply, repeat
Attachment: Liner Notes from Eli Martin58Please respect copyright.PENANAPSFzwnljnx
🎧 “dear god why do men” – Reviewed
📝 liner notes by eli, who has clearly felt too much and judged too many fonts
Track 1: Misery Business – Paramore58Please respect copyright.PENANAiEz8aiYRm1
this track made me want to break up with someone i’m not dating.58Please respect copyright.PENANAK3aHie2Wrx
⭐ rage level: 9.5/10
Track 2: Better Than Revenge – Taylor Swift58Please respect copyright.PENANAISzXHdHnNY
may have shouted “she’s not a saint!” at a squirrel.58Please respect copyright.PENANAmu8KvvrfIK
⭐ sass factor: 11/10
Track 3: good 4 u – Olivia Rodrigo58Please respect copyright.PENANASews6kmYAn
screamed into a spoon. felt better.58Please respect copyright.PENANAZXk34wBR72
⭐ catharsis: 10/10
Track 4: brutal – Olivia Rodrigo58Please respect copyright.PENANA6ltr95madl
i knocked over a lamp. worth it.58Please respect copyright.PENANAJ1fKPeHgBZ
⭐ chaos energy: unmeasurable
Track 5: should’ve said no – Taylor Swift58Please respect copyright.PENANA8EzaKq64G4
the rain cried for me.58Please respect copyright.PENANAeWHyOAL8hk
⭐ drama: peak
Track 6: Kill Bill – SZA58Please respect copyright.PENANAQEorZJ8Jvb
i do not condone murder. but i understand.58Please respect copyright.PENANAtbVXGtuAZF
⭐ emotional weaponry: activated
Final thoughts:58Please respect copyright.PENANAmVQLyVvlfq
this playlist isn't therapy. it's exorcism.58Please respect copyright.PENANA1rZUmU4IZM
i feel seen, personally attacked, and spiritually lighter.58Please respect copyright.PENANA5Mo8LmlWPw
maya, if you ever make another one — please consider me your chaos consultant.
– eli58Please respect copyright.PENANAcgHtOcO6kl
officially unwell in a poetic way