"Nothing heals heartbreak like screaming Olivia Rodrigo at full volume."
From: [email protected]267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYgrS9eShQY
To: [email protected]267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQHIR6ILZbm
Subject: pettiest playlist of the year goes to… me
eli.267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoexOEvoxEL
i made a playlist titled “for when your groupmate uses comic sans and your faith in humanity breaks.”267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMwaMzAbsUx
i’m currently scream-singing to track 4 while eating cereal with a fork because all my spoons are in the sink.267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj2FFacHz4X
it’s a mood.
– maya267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSUHrnq5mqZ
sad. dramatic. cereal-forking.
From: [email protected]267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRpOUfnl6Gj
To: [email protected]267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2VakTnP7XX
Subject: cereal fork is a vibe
maya.267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW6vjNOVmN9
track 4 better be “good 4 u” or i’m calling the authorities.267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpVJPzL3GN1
also, the fork thing is valid. i once drank iced coffee with a knife. no regrets.267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbp48rPJUjL
send me the playlist. for... peer review.
– eli267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm4Gwzym1sm
music snob, chaos enabler
From: [email protected]267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡodObsVYjXc
To: [email protected]267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnkznAB202F
Subject: attached: rage therapy 💕
okay you asked for it.267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGSNCmzN8hr
enjoy: [https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4mtUmL00VaYfC0gkEH0Odt?si=uPQWcd-5RuGOfoOppIcfQg] “dear god why do men” — a playlist in five stages of grief, three accidental crushes, and one cup of weaponized spite.
tracklist highlights:
misery business – paramore
better than revenge – taylor swift
good 4 u – olivia rodrigo
brutal – also olivia, my queen
should’ve said no – taylor again, obviously
kill bill – sza (i don’t condone murder, but i vibe)
– maya267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIZ6TN9RKcq
the most dramatic person you never met
From: [email protected]267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgxGZWBe9oI
To: [email protected]267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSmP7WNZKgP
Subject: playlist review: violently iconic
maya.267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYD936xK6fC
i have goosebumps.267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwo8meGvLkN
i want to fight someone. i don’t even know who. but i’m hyped.267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIUspMjuDLo
“kill bill” came on and i almost texted my ex “good luck.”267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYRFCXR76aw
i didn’t. but spiritually, i did.
also: “dear god why do men” deserves a grammy for best emotional support.
– eli267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnlFT4qzgGm
threatened. inspired.
From: [email protected]267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2XB9HC3Hry
To: [email protected]267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi75zjILe2f
Subject: so we’re rage soulmates now?
eli,267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj8hoRW4st6
you passed the vibe check.267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6yOKGn9xn1
you didn’t question my musical angst or my cereal fork.267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5adrrUk7Yx
this feels like the start of something irrationally comforting.
ps: have you ever cried to phoebe bridgers in a parking lot or is that just me?
– maya267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3K8J6cQCEx
emotionally stable adjacent
From: [email protected]267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGWYxiaeu2Z
To: [email protected]267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHhlMMVXJhJ
Subject: phoebe bridgers made me cry at the DMV
maya.267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2b1zjdxCtk
“motion sickness” came on. i was holding a ticket that said A132.267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrvnZ8txE4Z
i did cry.267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMeKfoPMvSy
the security guard offered me a tissue and a mint.
so yes. we’re bonded now.
– eli267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMk5gOi7gHG
co-president, feelings club
From: [email protected]267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaTX1Hnpb2O
To: [email protected]267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkCNY1b1l3A
Subject: certified mood
i would like to formally nominate you as:
my email pen pal
my official heartbreak soundtrack consultant
and co-author of “texts we never sent but emotionally screamed”
it’s a growing resume. benefits include emotional chaos and unsolicited memes.
– maya267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsAtIO4n1h9
possibly your new internet pen friend
From: [email protected]267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZY7yxgnpUd
To: [email protected]267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnqB1bbm0Y0
Subject: i accept the role
with great inbox comes great responsibility.267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJkJI3NEkOV
you send the songs, i’ll send the sarcasm.267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgi6Ln6jBg2
together we’re like...267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8MqjKpQipW
the emotional avengers.267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHuWcb1rj1O
no capes though. just playlists.
– eli267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6JOheSCzDg
ready to rage, reply, repeat
Attachment: Liner Notes from Eli Martin267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtRvvVbytdH
🎧 “dear god why do men” – Reviewed
📝 liner notes by eli, who has clearly felt too much and judged too many fonts
Track 1: Misery Business – Paramore267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7vMZyy13n4
this track made me want to break up with someone i’m not dating.267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6M1HbqqBeG
⭐ rage level: 9.5/10
Track 2: Better Than Revenge – Taylor Swift267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGfCSO6L1Sg
may have shouted “she’s not a saint!” at a squirrel.267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz3oZYt6UEb
⭐ sass factor: 11/10
Track 3: good 4 u – Olivia Rodrigo267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5tybdvW8D7
screamed into a spoon. felt better.267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgAmvIQ1tnG
⭐ catharsis: 10/10
Track 4: brutal – Olivia Rodrigo267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1gWK9z8T9A
i knocked over a lamp. worth it.267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvMqc94s4p1
⭐ chaos energy: unmeasurable
Track 5: should’ve said no – Taylor Swift267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB3qotoHgMm
the rain cried for me.267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnGyUEhC4C3
⭐ drama: peak
Track 6: Kill Bill – SZA267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjoSayYUkYq
i do not condone murder. but i understand.267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBUf3k0dVq2
⭐ emotional weaponry: activated
Final thoughts:267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9SQlwHmGKD
this playlist isn't therapy. it's exorcism.267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVUtiCIbRFb
i feel seen, personally attacked, and spiritually lighter.267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡabJq0CJjds
maya, if you ever make another one — please consider me your chaos consultant.
– eli267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvPwi186UAj
officially unwell in a poetic way
and then Add to home screen.