"Nothing heals heartbreak like screaming Olivia Rodrigo at full volume."
From: [email protected]64Please respect copyright.PENANAEG0uLpO08d
To: [email protected]64Please respect copyright.PENANAzi2DjNtHdf
Subject: pettiest playlist of the year goes to… me
eli.64Please respect copyright.PENANAhXzaQ5dkFm
i made a playlist titled “for when your groupmate uses comic sans and your faith in humanity breaks.”64Please respect copyright.PENANAkQ15hBlOlA
i’m currently scream-singing to track 4 while eating cereal with a fork because all my spoons are in the sink.64Please respect copyright.PENANAwWowZLt56Q
it’s a mood.
– maya64Please respect copyright.PENANAz9410YcCYS
sad. dramatic. cereal-forking.
From: [email protected]64Please respect copyright.PENANAUJebVCfBPv
To: [email protected]64Please respect copyright.PENANA2KA3wVB43Z
Subject: cereal fork is a vibe
maya.64Please respect copyright.PENANAyXWTaEBLF6
track 4 better be “good 4 u” or i’m calling the authorities.64Please respect copyright.PENANAtF9dXtqt7o
also, the fork thing is valid. i once drank iced coffee with a knife. no regrets.64Please respect copyright.PENANAppzubY2Sg8
send me the playlist. for... peer review.
– eli64Please respect copyright.PENANAavmdHJpcWM
music snob, chaos enabler
From: [email protected]64Please respect copyright.PENANAvXpnVQJPgH
To: [email protected]64Please respect copyright.PENANA6XYfuE3d9t
Subject: attached: rage therapy 💕
okay you asked for it.64Please respect copyright.PENANAtzcBnSusmu
enjoy: [https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4mtUmL00VaYfC0gkEH0Odt?si=uPQWcd-5RuGOfoOppIcfQg] “dear god why do men” — a playlist in five stages of grief, three accidental crushes, and one cup of weaponized spite.
tracklist highlights:
misery business – paramore
better than revenge – taylor swift
good 4 u – olivia rodrigo
brutal – also olivia, my queen
should’ve said no – taylor again, obviously
kill bill – sza (i don’t condone murder, but i vibe)
– maya64Please respect copyright.PENANAtblKmPXa6p
the most dramatic person you never met
From: [email protected]64Please respect copyright.PENANADC7TzCC7hW
To: [email protected]64Please respect copyright.PENANAZ33Dpwqf8i
Subject: playlist review: violently iconic
maya.64Please respect copyright.PENANAOHZVzMwQer
i have goosebumps.64Please respect copyright.PENANAoqjPohyFSM
i want to fight someone. i don’t even know who. but i’m hyped.64Please respect copyright.PENANA3V4S7qrJCt
“kill bill” came on and i almost texted my ex “good luck.”64Please respect copyright.PENANA7sufSwE90p
i didn’t. but spiritually, i did.
also: “dear god why do men” deserves a grammy for best emotional support.
– eli64Please respect copyright.PENANAEGnD09QzJF
threatened. inspired.
From: [email protected]64Please respect copyright.PENANABl0LCheWyB
To: [email protected]64Please respect copyright.PENANA8DpXphYiQ7
Subject: so we’re rage soulmates now?
eli,64Please respect copyright.PENANAr7zGsa3qVr
you passed the vibe check.64Please respect copyright.PENANAAHnOLQ0hbM
you didn’t question my musical angst or my cereal fork.64Please respect copyright.PENANA29Lxa6LiKQ
this feels like the start of something irrationally comforting.
ps: have you ever cried to phoebe bridgers in a parking lot or is that just me?
– maya64Please respect copyright.PENANAZmBfv6D6Vl
emotionally stable adjacent
From: [email protected]64Please respect copyright.PENANAtAtwSuMKZh
To: [email protected]64Please respect copyright.PENANAlXvVDiYfY1
Subject: phoebe bridgers made me cry at the DMV
maya.64Please respect copyright.PENANAf4rkP5qinI
“motion sickness” came on. i was holding a ticket that said A132.64Please respect copyright.PENANABPK7yPRpwP
i did cry.64Please respect copyright.PENANA0RPv84T0vp
the security guard offered me a tissue and a mint.
so yes. we’re bonded now.
– eli64Please respect copyright.PENANAJVM9ROf9QM
co-president, feelings club
From: [email protected]64Please respect copyright.PENANAoSgEJK0xdA
To: [email protected]64Please respect copyright.PENANATsKzh2Rmoj
Subject: certified mood
i would like to formally nominate you as:
my email pen pal
my official heartbreak soundtrack consultant
and co-author of “texts we never sent but emotionally screamed”
it’s a growing resume. benefits include emotional chaos and unsolicited memes.
– maya64Please respect copyright.PENANATJOKLrIwd2
possibly your new internet pen friend
From: [email protected]64Please respect copyright.PENANA2z4SwWLQGL
To: [email protected]64Please respect copyright.PENANAfpW2wOkHAs
Subject: i accept the role
with great inbox comes great responsibility.64Please respect copyright.PENANA3bR5kmTXas
you send the songs, i’ll send the sarcasm.64Please respect copyright.PENANAAIlAMrdPWL
together we’re like...64Please respect copyright.PENANAxbQRMl3FFJ
the emotional avengers.64Please respect copyright.PENANAKZO5HPC0pY
no capes though. just playlists.
– eli64Please respect copyright.PENANAM1QnspXnA0
ready to rage, reply, repeat
Attachment: Liner Notes from Eli Martin64Please respect copyright.PENANApoZ9j3mLvN
🎧 “dear god why do men” – Reviewed
📝 liner notes by eli, who has clearly felt too much and judged too many fonts
Track 1: Misery Business – Paramore64Please respect copyright.PENANANCk76KZdaQ
this track made me want to break up with someone i’m not dating.64Please respect copyright.PENANAI58EDpJvQW
⭐ rage level: 9.5/10
Track 2: Better Than Revenge – Taylor Swift64Please respect copyright.PENANAHoVr0FUdEK
may have shouted “she’s not a saint!” at a squirrel.64Please respect copyright.PENANAjDHoFcP5Hg
⭐ sass factor: 11/10
Track 3: good 4 u – Olivia Rodrigo64Please respect copyright.PENANAESrHScNKoW
screamed into a spoon. felt better.64Please respect copyright.PENANAEYcx4ZSvHO
⭐ catharsis: 10/10
Track 4: brutal – Olivia Rodrigo64Please respect copyright.PENANAp05BD965IK
i knocked over a lamp. worth it.64Please respect copyright.PENANAB4buE79rt1
⭐ chaos energy: unmeasurable
Track 5: should’ve said no – Taylor Swift64Please respect copyright.PENANAFnA6MNxzgv
the rain cried for me.64Please respect copyright.PENANA4NWfAaW91A
⭐ drama: peak
Track 6: Kill Bill – SZA64Please respect copyright.PENANABx8GWGzNxs
i do not condone murder. but i understand.64Please respect copyright.PENANA60m0CZbuup
⭐ emotional weaponry: activated
Final thoughts:64Please respect copyright.PENANA3cPrDFEyj0
this playlist isn't therapy. it's exorcism.64Please respect copyright.PENANAI5fzfNofr3
i feel seen, personally attacked, and spiritually lighter.64Please respect copyright.PENANAHuyKhltIvN
maya, if you ever make another one — please consider me your chaos consultant.
– eli64Please respect copyright.PENANA9P6bfSWdUJ
officially unwell in a poetic way