《請跟我交往！拜託啦！》 - 第二章數學課！

「同學們，請回位子上坐好。」一位沒見過的老師在鐘響後走進教室。333Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQCOBVhShPw

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同學們面面相覷。333Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2TBy3Tex2l
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「那個……您是不是走錯教室了呢？」身為班長的我起身詢問。333Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvpcLudgZhk
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「啊，你們的數學老師請假，所以今天是我代課喔。」333Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ8nzzKE2zK
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「咦咦？沒用的老東西請假？」賴妍驚訝的問。333Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVydNJqXac9
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「請不要叫數學老師沒用的老東西。」333Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmKx9sPimQs
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「那改成老不羞好了。」333Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhRaKOUGH5I
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「更糟糕了啊！」333Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHmnlWd6XF0
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「咳，總之，」代課老師乾咳一聲打斷我們的對話，「請各位打開課本第……為什麼桌上有酒瓶？」333Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ArI6nMMSj
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「因為上一節是化學課。」正在製作燃燒瓶的簡澄說。333Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvVAM7GK3br
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「那你桌上正在燒的酒精燈是怎樣？」333Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkhwSOIRV8O
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「老師，它正在暖身。」333Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIpctLgfmeK
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「它是要暖什麼身啊！給我拿回去實驗室放好！」333Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡirxDtWlLJ6
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「我要去！」賴妍自告奮勇的起身。333Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAJr7XW8WtN
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「給我坐下，妳不值得信賴。」我不耐煩的說。「三岐，你去放。」333Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ94djXTZkeD
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「那我改姓三岐。」333Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1nkkLCHHHq
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「才不是這個意思！」333Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn0A06HWvIy
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「而且為什麼是三岐！」剛剛還趴著的三岐抗議。333Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBcDTdNM6SC
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「少囉唆！快點給我去放！」我用課本敲三岐的頭，「別跟著搗亂上課秩序好嗎？」333Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEfF985i5e1
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「汝等下級生物，竟敢命令本元帥，看我痛啊啊啊啊啊啊！」三岐的話還沒說完就被我再次用力敲頭，不過這次用的是不鏽鋼水壺。333Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAjUR6y53WY
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「元帥好弱。」333Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuR2eFZvIw4
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「你根本是想殺了我吧！」333Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHomWAxxtYp
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「同學們！請安靜！」代課老師看起來有些惱火。「全部給我翻開課本！」333Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfiwGZ01ehJ
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「老師。」賴妍突然嚴肅的開口，「你覺得數學的意義到底是什麼？數學又是為何而存在？」333Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡljM5XVd2LL
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「數學是為何而存在…………？」老師陷入沉思。333Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaPHQSIj00F
除了賴妍之外的同學們臉色一沉。333Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡABpmdiqk7Y
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「老師！別中計啊！」333Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSelJVVYUqn
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「這傢伙的腦子才不會思考這種深奧的東西呢！」333Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡymDPLDO3bU
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「她只是單純不想上數學課而已啊！」333Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA8wL5chvOt
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不過老師抬起手制止了那些警告他的同學。333Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIDFMSloNtp
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「我認為……」在思考片刻之後，老師開口，

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「數學是使生活變得更方便的工具。」333Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpoYTQ0jMHm
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「真的是這樣嗎？」賴妍問。333Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnJ5ipZGHXm
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「古埃及人與巴比倫人靠著幾何學的幫助，建造出了許多壯觀的建築物！牛頓發明的微積分也間接造福了許多人類！」老師越說越激動，「所以我才會選擇就讀數學系，成為數學老師！數學對我來說就是世界的真理！就是絕對的信仰！」333Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfisVAUMgvL
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「那……如果我說，」賴妍緩緩開口，「我能反駁你的論點呢？」333Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9BITWkyWB8
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「什──」333Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSugxx9txOW
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「如果我能證明…………數學並不是世界的真理呢？」333Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡugPykFC0oh
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「臭小鬼！妳明白妳在說什麼嗎！妳說的話是對神的褻瀆！」代課老師憤怒地吼道。333Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRF2QD484BR
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「那個，班長，」坐在我後面的男同學輕聲對我說，「這部不是日常番嗎？為什麼會出現戰鬥番的台詞？」333Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa6WTrgVeaG
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「我也很好奇啊！而且現在不是數學課嗎！」

最重要的是，代課老師已經在不知不覺間步入了賴妍「不想上課」的節奏之中，這才是她被稱為瘋狗的最大原因。333Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZolUFXqLFV
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真正恐怖的地方還在後頭。333Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6YUTACAmGB
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「老師……你知道數學的英文，Math的意義，其實是Mental Abuse To Humans，也就是人類精神虐待的意思喔？」333Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbA05kXZuSz
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「那只是討厭數學的人提出的可悲巧合而已！」333Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpQZt7Ai6Jo
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賴妍歪頭。333Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTMQi4doyuS
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「如果數學是真理，為什麼有人會討厭祂呢？」她問道。333Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjeJlGEdXNo
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「因為世界上總是有許多自以為是的人！他們只因為生活不如預期，就怪罪到神聖的信仰上面！」333Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2nEmCR2BTe
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「生活不如預期？你是指生活中的事發生無法用真理解釋的情況嗎？還是生活並沒有想像中的便利？」333Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaBHfJAXBxa
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「世上所有的事情一定都有辦法用真理來說明！」333Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW7ofHrwcBJ
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「真的嗎？」賴妍正色道，「那我舉個簡單的例子吧。您有看過商店中『買二送一』的活動嗎？」333Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4wXSRdckrH
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「當然有。」代課老師不耐煩地回答。333Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtfwcpN0zoT
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「那麼一加一等於幾？這只是單純的數學問題，不是腦筋急轉彎喔。」333Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgooluBdyPd
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「一加一等於二。」333Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMirDh0choq
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「啊咧？奇怪了？」賴妍故意用困惑的語氣說到，「我只付了兩個物品的價錢，為什麼我得到了三倍的利潤？好奇怪吶～」333Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnyL3iiwRma
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「……咦？」老師愣住了。333Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3lxWARJ8WC
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「這樣子算式就變成了『一加一等於三』而不是真理所說的二了呢。」333Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj18SedrB0j
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「什…怎麼會……」代課老師開始感到恐慌。333Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJbd1WbTow5
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「老師別中計啊！那只是一種行銷手法而已啊！」我大喊。333Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkX4Ti1riEi
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「我…但是、但是一加一應該……還是等於二啊…………？」代課老師緩緩抬頭，用困惑而渙散的眼神看著我，就像一位瀕臨崩潰的精神病患者。333Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxKNoOQlXGk
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完蛋了。333Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw1mlHftKnD
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「我再舉一個例子吧。」賴妍再次開口。「剛剛說了一加一等於三，但是這也不是正確答案。333Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEwHmX5ZlII
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「您應該也知道結婚是什麼吧？就是長期的一對一賣春契約。」333Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6yfIQzT46Z
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「才不是這樣！」我吐槽。333Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw6riuS2GeT
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「好奇怪吶。住在我家隔壁的王叔叔明明結婚了，為什麼最近兩個月，在王阿姨不在的週五晚上，還會出現另外六個女人陪他過夜呢？」333Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR5ZSnB6FVn
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「這種事情你應該早點去跟王阿姨說才對吧！」333Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgs92BU3GY5
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「咦咦，」賴妍不理我，「一加一不是等於三嗎？為什麼同時又等於八呢？」333Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSuz2jOcivK
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「為什麼啊啊啊啊啊！」代課老師抱住頭，驚慌失措地尖叫。「為什麼真理要遺棄我啊啊啊啊！」333Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb7IjEuadGK
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「沒錯，就是因為人們被你所說的真理拋棄，才會轉而討厭，甚至憎恨數學。對他們來說，數學不只不是世界上的真理，更不是讓生活變得更方便的工具！」333Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHZiIohTcBD
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賴妍深呼吸，補上了最後一擊：「對他們來說，數學只是讓生活更不方便的枷鎖！只是阻礙人類發展的、根本沒有存在必要的、無用垃圾而已啊！」333Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡacoX1DTzuV
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「啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊……」333Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcO9zMWD07R
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老師緩緩蹲下，雙手抱住膝蓋，露出自己長久以來深信的事情在一夕之間被摧毀的表情。333Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS7ugFWqLtd
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這時，去化學教室放酒精燈的三岐回來了。333Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsKIVKJrIzF

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老師彷彿看見了希望一般，朝著三岐跑過去，抓住了他的肩膀，用力地前後搖動。333Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcixcDygD6z
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「同學！一加一等於多少！」333Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRmU0XoAciI
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「咦？」在狀況外的三岐很錯愕。333Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsmfEDSFB9Y
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賴妍露出了勝利的微笑，坐回位子上，舒服的翹起二郎腿，抓著桌上的白蘭地仰頭灌了一大口。333Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcK8ttLomr2
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「到底等於多少啊啊啊啊啊！！！」代課老師瘋狂地大喊。333Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1rT8VwUA5c
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「等、等於五十……」一天到晚吃麥O勞的三岐結結巴巴的回答。333Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡezNvxlFD0g
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「三等於八、八等於五十……等式應該不成立才…三又等於五十……啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊！」代課老師崩潰了，尖叫著衝出了教室。333Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlh6Nk2wZY4
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全班盯著三岐。333Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHX9Y1Ye7K0
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「欸？我做錯什麼了嗎？」三岐很錯愕。333Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLKtZ5aRgaI
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賴妍抬頭看了一眼教室牆上的時鐘。333Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡApO0u6oT1C
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「呦喜！多賺到了半小時下課時間。」她握拳。333Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYfNJKIAXqn
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「呦喜妳個大頭！他被你弄壞了啦！」我慌張地大喊，「全班快點出去幫忙找代課老師啊！」333Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8a5L0nZKfg
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當日結果：333Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmQv8dlcvc9
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在數學科辦公室全體數學老師的幫忙下，於放學前在校舍頂樓的花圃角落發現了喃喃自語著「三等於八等於五十三等於八等於五十三等於八等於五十我被神拋棄了嗚嗚嗚我要成為一棵用費波納契數列整齊排列的植物三等於八等於五十三等於八等於五十…」的代課老師，並送到附近醫院的精神科治療。333Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOyHAYZsryB
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賴妍被記了一支大過（目前總共七支）。333Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡas3ZmF7Hu1
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柳困依然單身。333Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQfrhYr2iPB

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