日子還是這樣在過,學校裡的夥伴不時耳提面命「大考將近,獎學金不能拱手讓人」的事,我知道他是逼著我轉移注意力,也就順著他的意,認真上班、認真上課、認真睡覺,好像我換了個叫「課本」的男友,天天與它相伴,沒見著它的時間,都在夢鄉。605Please respect copyright.PENANAS9kzO1hMSm
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但,無論怎麼讓自己逃開,總有那幾個瞬間,會被回憶淹沒,尤其是,酸楚的回憶。605Please respect copyright.PENANAYeJOo6eBEE
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我把自己關在家幾個禮拜,直到被朋友挖出門。605Please respect copyright.PENANAnC95rrhcB8
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坐上朋友的車,也不是很在乎要去哪裡,明明身邊有人,但全世界好像剩下自己。
也許這些,都是失去愛情的症狀。
可笑的是我連自己是否曾經「擁有」愛情都不確定。605Please respect copyright.PENANAvUElTui6UQ
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朋友載我到熟悉的山上,我以為他是要去山頂的土地公廟拜拜。605Please respect copyright.PENANAho3IcmCYbg
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「妳最近不是很愛爬山嗎?帶妳來山上走走啊。」605Please respect copyright.PENANAn4I2emm88d
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「……喔…」
我心裡一沉。605Please respect copyright.PENANAzN0Cp9UGCs
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他不知道我為什麼開始爬山,我又怎麼能怪他呢?605Please respect copyright.PENANAvYdJFE8Ozh
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我們延著樓梯,爬到了山頂的土地公廟,便隨意照找了個地方坐下,那是山頂的展望區。605Please respect copyright.PENANAvZMHRpfruJ
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「那是什麼山啊?」
我指著橫過城市、遠處一座被雲海包圍的山。605Please respect copyright.PENANAq7vhiyFtgw
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「我哪知道。」605Please respect copyright.PENANA6W5fVDODIn
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「……說的也是。」605Please respect copyright.PENANA2Dive3dOej
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我才發現自己的愚蠢。
那是我和張先生一同爬山時,我很常說的話。
他總是像個「山的萬事通」,有問必答,即使在我看來那些山都長得一個模樣,他仍能數家珍般地,念出它們的名。605Please respect copyright.PENANAjnk20jIywN
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黑兔子找我去唱歌,在包廂裡和另一個女生朋友故意想弄哭我,不停點悲傷的歌來唱,一開始我只是笑,笑她們無聊。
直到某首歌的歌詞刺進我的心裡,痛了那麼一下,我哭了,就停不下來。
兩個女生見我掉淚,居然也跟著哭了,還哭得比我悽慘。最後我還得幫她們擦眼淚。605Please respect copyright.PENANAWo629sBi52
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我很努力要自己不去怨懟、不去記恨,但總對自己被欺騙一事糾結,同時也怪自己不夠聰明、不夠謹慎。605Please respect copyright.PENANAJGn1tF6eaB
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無法灑脫。605Please respect copyright.PENANAVlm0XFP6eg
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我還是持續的爬山,但不明白自己是因為什麼而爬。
我害怕自己是為了不忘記他,所以更不敢面對這個問題。605Please respect copyright.PENANAaKFdavtxiE
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直到某次,母親找我一同去爬山。605Please respect copyright.PENANAhLwre5aMrB
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那是一座有著神話故事點綴的郊山,山上的涼亭裡還用木板刻著傳說。605Please respect copyright.PENANAbznJKIyV9x
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「這是我和妳爸爸第一次約會的地方。」605Please respect copyright.PENANAu5qeUFyHVI
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母親突然提起父親,自他們離異後,母親甚少和我聊父親的事。605Please respect copyright.PENANA4jgTgtNf7L
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「我喜歡運動,妳爸爸不愛。我喜歡在舞池跳舞,他只想坐在沙發聊天。妳爸爸體能好,明明是蛙人,運動神經好,私底下卻懶惰得要命。」605Please respect copyright.PENANA4PFSCNPyIJ
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「但這是我們第一次約會的地方。」605Please respect copyright.PENANAnEBG25Ezsi
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我不知道母親為什麼突然說這些。605Please respect copyright.PENANAqozPTUGHAi
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「妳和那個來過家裡的先生,應該沒有再聯絡了吧?」605Please respect copyright.PENANAZFeOPRBw7k
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「沒有了。」我立刻回答。605Please respect copyright.PENANAJW1HU3JuQh
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「妳一開始喜歡上爬山,是因為他嗎?」605Please respect copyright.PENANAUpYEwjuvXL
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「嗯。」605Please respect copyright.PENANAbAeb0ptzI3
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「那他留給妳的影響,就夠了。」605Please respect copyright.PENANAHCAr4E7hAa
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我還不明白。605Please respect copyright.PENANApkcJAJpT7M
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「妳本來就喜歡小動物、小昆蟲,剛剛一路上來妳都在跟我介紹那些蜘蛛蝸牛,山區就是讓妳更親近牠們的地方,妳這段路爬上來有想到那個男人嗎?」605Please respect copyright.PENANA05y1hbd4Sk
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「……沒有。」605Please respect copyright.PENANAqT5xOkgnlz
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「那妳還介意是誰啟發妳喜歡爬山嗎?」605Please respect copyright.PENANAluKuuDQVLl
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我盯著她,努力消化她的話語。605Please respect copyright.PENANAaL5Eu7dqUi
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「不管事情是怎麼開始的,只要最後有好的地方值得妳保留就好了。」605Please respect copyright.PENANAZXgcC6p3RD
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「妳沒必要忘記。」605Please respect copyright.PENANAlENNQm6zhr
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我的眼淚差一點就奪眶而出。605Please respect copyright.PENANAWmayO6Gexi
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後來。605Please respect copyright.PENANAqgfBHdQrvA
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學期順利結束,我依然拿到系上的獎學金。605Please respect copyright.PENANAmVBJ1y7Nf6
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真正了解我的家人朋友,都沒有怪我隱瞞他們,我以為會面對很多責怪,卻意外收到過多的心疼。605Please respect copyright.PENANAFFli3Sz9lW
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我去爬了更多的山,也因為山結交了更多新朋友,也間接因為爬山認識了現在的男朋友。605Please respect copyright.PENANAlREA6DsbHY
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在之後我曾和幾個好友在居酒屋裡,酒酣耳熱之際說完了整個故事,朋友們聽到我查證的過程,開玩笑的說「妳怎麼不去徵信社上班啊!」605Please respect copyright.PENANAHwWYRZEwDM
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而我真的在因緣際會下踏入了徵信業。605Please respect copyright.PENANAYNjOAJygjD
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看到了更多更多事例,才知道感情的故事,真的都是一個套路,所以我們總覺得「這首歌在寫我」,「這個故事在說我」…因為我們的感情路,好好壞壞,都差不多會是那個樣子。605Please respect copyright.PENANA6huUpMnxqu
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我沒有繼續怨恨他,但也沒有原諒他,我只是原諒自己。605Please respect copyright.PENANAw1dyjaYKvY
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在寫這篇之前,我偷偷地搜尋了他的名字,發現他們有了個可愛的女兒。605Please respect copyright.PENANAQgqxwfOruy
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「希望你專心愛她們。」我發自內心的想。605Please respect copyright.PENANAIGcBo7kxZz
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完。
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