Dear Kun,
Ah, receiving your letter, I'm really curious about what has happened! But compared to that, I actually want to advise you not to waste time on meaningless things, although I'm sure you won't listen to me. However, hearing that you're safe and sound, my heart feels relieved.
Your high school friend, Miss Persephone, also came to look for you. Speaking of which, you two are in similar situations. Persephone met a deceitful and unfaithful skunk man at school, and she was recently heartlessly abandoned by him. Now she's suffering from depression, so she came specifically to find you. I told her you were in Hong Kong, and if it's not too much trouble, she can come and accompany you. You don't have to worry about expenses; you can rent an apartment together and avoid troubling Miss Bai (I assume you're not comfortable being with such a devout believer). I also wanted to come with her, but the situation is critical. The Battle of Xubang resulted in the complete annihilation of the National Army, and now the government is preparing to move to Guangzhou. Shanghai is also likely to fall into the hands of the Communist Party bandits soon. We're about to enter a period of turmoil and displacement. I don't know when we'll be able to meet again...
I just returned from Miss Bai's school office and received Li Jie's letter. Seeing those words in parentheses, I couldn't help but laugh and cry at the same time. What can I say? Being with Miss Bai is indeed a new experience, and it feels like there are many constraints, like having to attend Mass every morning and waiting for her to finish her prayers before each meal. But I've surprisingly grown accustomed to it, and I don't feel any discomfort at all. Perhaps my desire to uncover the truth has clouded my judgment.
When Miss Bai mentioned my situation to the priest today, he looked at me with loving eyes, and I couldn't help but take a small step back in unease—I knew he already knew that I was the person who confessed and questioned in the confessional. He didn't expose me in front of Miss Bai, which truly relieved me. However, he firmly rejected our request. Miss Bai told me not to lose hope; she will find another opportunity to ask him. The priest is a reasonable person and will eventually agree. She also encouraged me to try praying for this matter.
I have no objections to my dear friend Persephone coming over. In fact, I'm quite happy about it. After hearing about it, Miss Bai didn't object either, so I replied to the letter and agreed. However, Persephone will need a few days to arrange things like school. During this time, I will continue to help at the hospital every day.
One day, a nun working at the hospital suddenly asked me, "Miss Kun, you're so young, are you still a student?"
"Why? I'm no longer a student."
"Well, I think you're pretty good. You work diligently and patiently. Have you ever considered becoming a nun?"
Upon hearing that, I was surprised, and I couldn't help but find it amusing. She didn't know that I'm not even a God-believer, let alone a Catholic. "That depends on God's will," I said—I don't even know how those words came out of my mouth.
Back home, Miss Bai happily told me, "Guess what? Today when I met the priest, he came up to me and said that he had talked to another bishop and thought it would be possible to arrange a meeting after the monks return from their pilgrimage. Oh, thank God, it's a miracle!"
This completely caught me off guard. I thought I would never have another chance, especially after the priest found out that I pretended to be a faithful and infiltrated that black box-like booth. I also told Miss Bai, "Something interesting happened to me today. One of the nuns at the hospital asked me if I wanted to become a nun!"
"Really? That's indeed interesting," Miss Bai smiled politely. "Actually, I also wanted to become a nun."
"What? You, so young and beautiful, how..." I couldn't believe it, and I glanced at Miss Bai, speechless.
Miss Bai nodded slowly and said, "Looks and youth will eventually fade away. My father and two brothers died in the war, and now there’s only my mother left in the world with me. I haven't entered the convent yet because I have to take care of her. But I have already made a vow of chastity before God. I am a teacher at the school, serving God in my own way."
"Well, okay." All of this sounded unbelievable, and I should find it somewhat funny, but seeing Miss Bai's serious attitude, I didn't feel like laughing. In fact, I even felt a sense of awe towards this incomprehensible and noble religious devotion. I was foolish not to have guessed it earlier. With Miss Bai's devout and self-sacrificing nature, what could be more surprising than her becoming one of the good nuns who passionately serve the patients at the hospital? Although I truly didn't understand why they had to remain chaste while serving their God and doing charitable work, I asked Miss Bai honestly, "But why does one have to become a nun? Can't they wholeheartedly serve God after getting married?"
"I can only say that God has different plans for each person. After all, there are many saints who led married lives. Saint Augustine once said, 'Those who belong to the world spend their days thinking about how to please their spouse and choose clothes to wear accordingly. If it is a man, he pleases his wife; if it is a woman, she pleases her husband.' Apart from chastity being a unique response of love to God, those who are married and still desire to wholeheartedly serve God often find themselves lacking in strength and focus."
"If that's the case, then I think as a Christian, one should do their best to become a religious or at least live a life similar to that of a devout religious. After all, even though I am not a believer, I believe that if you're going to do something, you should do it perfectly, or it's better not to do it at all. If one wants to be a Christian and serve God, it should be a complete and total dedication, and as you said, there is no better way than becoming a nun. Is that correct?"
Miss Bai looked pleasantly surprised by my words and looked at me with an appreciative gaze. "I didn't expect you to have such insight. If one day you convert to Christianity, perhaps you will indeed become a nun."
"Well... it's hard to say. First, I would need to have the determination and ability to give up romantic relationships and the conventional concept of marriage as a layperson. Speaking of which..." I couldn't help but think of that person and furrowed my brows. "But I do believe that people don't live solely for romantic relationships. Anyway, let's leave that for the day when I consider converting."
"I will pray for you," Miss Bai said.
I returned to my room and carefully thought about what I had said. Suddenly, I realized that I might not even need to meet him again to get the answer I wanted. Our thoughts often had an unspoken understanding. Since I had reached this conclusion, he would probably think the same way. That would be the answer, explaining everything. I just needed to meet him to confirm it. I suddenly let out a sigh of relief and felt a sense of happiness.
"Kun! It's been a while! Did you miss me?" At the train station, Persephone, whom I hadn't seen for a long time, spotted me and casually dropped her suitcase, giving me a warm embrace.
We sat in a café, and after a while, I asked her, "What happened during those days? Can you tell me what exactly happened?"
"He was an arrogant impostor... He was from a neighboring boys' school. He claimed to admire me since last year and would wait for me at our school gate every day after school. At first, I didn't like him and found him annoying, but later his sincerity moved me, so I started dating him secretly without my family's knowledge. But after just three months, he grew tired of me."
"But wasn't he genuinely interested in you before pursuing you? Why did it turn out like this?"
"I thought the same thing at first, so I couldn't understand it. Later, my classmates told me that he never truly cared for me. He was only attracted to me because I'm of mixed heritage, finding it intriguing. When I found him being close with other girls, do you know what he said to me? 'Being with me will only hurt you. I'm sorry, you should decide for yourself,' using that as a way to force me to break up with him..." As she spoke, Persephone's tears began to fall.
"What did he look like?"
"Oh, just an average-looking guy, but with slightly attractive features."
"Alright, let the past be the past. It's not worth shedding tears for someone like that! Isn't breaking up with him a good thing?" I handed her a few tissues. "Now it's time for me to tell you about my situation..."
After listening to my story, Persephone's eyes widened.
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