Chapter Three
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Maaga akong nagising ngayon. Kay Lola ako matutulog ngayong gabi at bibisitahin ko ang puntod ni Mom matapos ng matagal na panahong hindi pagbisita. I just finished tidying up my apartment yesterday. I don't have that many things to organize but the furniture my Dad bought in advance. It took me a while to assemble each one of them but I managed to do so without anyone else's help.
As usual, Kuya called to check up on me. Kahit magkalayo kami ngayon, he never fails to make me feel that I matter. If people didn't know our family history, they would most certainly think that him and I are dating.
Which in some cases, happened a few times.
After putting my hair up in a bun, dahil nakasanayan na rin tsaka mainit sa labas, I grabbed my bag and headed outside. Tinawagan ko si Lola kagabi bago ako matulog para sabihan siya na do'n ako mananatili ngayon. She offered me a ride but I refused, tutal dadaanan ko pa si Mama on the way.
After locking my door, napansin kong may ordered food sa labas ng katabi kong unit. It was already there when I came home and it's still here now that I am leaving. Hindi naman dapat sana ako mangi-alam pero wala namang masama kung kakatok ako para sabihan kung sino man ang nakatira sa kabilang unit diba?
I knocked a few times but no one dared to answer. Mapapanis ang pagkain kapag hindi pa nila 'to kinuha. Sayang dahil madaming tao ang hindi nakakakain ng maayos.
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"Kuya, pagawa po ako ng bouquet." ani ko. "Blue roses po." Dag-dag ko.
Blue rose was Mom's favourite flower, dad had always given here bouquets and I want to keep up with that. Sayang lang at never ko siyang nabigyan no'ng mga panahong nandito pa siya.
"'Yon lang po ba?" Tumango ako bilang sagot.
I booked a grab after receiving the bouquet I bought. It's gently wrapped with shades of white wrapping paper, the blue ribbon beautifully held the pieces together. The blue roses, along with tinted baby breaths, were languidly aligned beside each other. It's not perfect but it's beautiful.
I'm sure she'll love this.
Ng makarating ako sa sementeryo, it took me a moment to find the plot where she was buried. Dahil matagal na akong wala at hindi nakadalo rito, madaming nagbago. Mas lumawak din ang paligid kumpara sa dati.
"Mommy..." I called out to her once I've settled. Naalala ko 'yung huling beses na hinawakan mo kamay ko. "Sorry po, ngayon lang ako." I brushed of the fallen leaves of her headstone using my hands before placing the flowers I brought on top.
A soft smile formed on my lips. "I miss you..."
Tsaka ko lang napagtanto na tumutulo na pala ang luha ko.
I faked a cough, trying to be though. Kahit naman alam kong hindi ako huhusgahan ni Mama at kahit na wala na siya rito, ayoko paring nakikita niya akong mahina. Inalagaan niya ako para maging matatag and I want her to know that she succeeded.
Kahit na alam kong wala na siya rito, parang may parte sa'kin na umaasang nakatingin pa rin siya.
I took a deep breath before speaking. "Tagal kong hindi nakadalaw Mama, sorry po." I chuckled. "Matagal kong inisip na babalik ka pa." I added.
Napatingin ako sa kalangitan. The sky is blue, the kind of shade that will bring smile to peoples faces dahil kita at alam mong hindi uulan. The clouds moved slowly, some of them formed shapes, or things, dipende na kung gaano katalas ang imahinasyon mo.
"Dad sent me back here for work," paninimula ko. "And people needed my help so...I agreed."
"Mom, Dad got married again." sadness took over me. "Pero, nagpaalam naman sa 'yo si Dad diba? I remember, he came back home before his wedding. Tsaka, hindi ko naman papayagan si Dad magpakasal sa iba kung hindi niya muna sinabi sa inyo."
I sighed.
"I owe you a lot of stories," bahagya akong napangiti. "So I'll start with Dad and Tita Miranda."
"She's really nice Mom, I'm sure you both will get along too! Her and Dad met at a Hospital in Australia, her son was a patient, my patient Mama. May nakakatandang kapatid narin po ako." a tear escaped my eye. "I will always believe you've sent them for Dad and I. They have been taking good care of us, really. Gusto nga namin isama si Lola sa Australia pero siya ang may ayaw." I giggled.
"Pero bumibista si Lola and we visit her too," napuno ulit ng lungkot ang mga mata ko. "Mommy I have to go. Naghihintay pa po si Lola sa 'kin." paalam ko.
"I love you."
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Tanghali na ng makarating ako sa bahay ni Lola. She asked me where I went dahil late ako ng dating, ang sabi ko naman dumaan ako sa puntod ni Mama.
"Sinabihan mo sana ako para naman nasamahan kita," ani Lola. Napailing ako habang nakangiti.
"Next time, sasabihan ko kayo." I answered as I took a bit of my food. We were never close growing up, hindi naman niya ako trinatong masama at higit sa halat, alam kong minahal niya rin ako sa sarili niyang paraan. The only problem back then was she lived somewhere else with Lolo, malayo sa 'min. Kaya naman, bihira lang sila bumisita.
After Lolo died, sumunod si Mama. That was the first time I saw Lola lost her smile. Since then, she was never the same. Kung dati, masigla siya tuwing binibisita kami kasama si Lolo, ngayon, kita sa mga mata niya ang lungkot at pangungulila.
And I hated how I became selfish after Mom died. Nakalimutan ko na hindi lang ako ang nawalan, people around me did too, especially those who loved my Mom.
That's why I am trying my best to make it up to her. I'll make it up to Lola.
"Lola, nandito parin po ba 'yong park na lagi naming pinupuntahan ni Mama dati?" tanong ko habang abala parin kami sa pag-kain. "Kanina po kasi, parang hindi ko na nadaanan." dag-dag ko.
Umiling siya. "Matagal na 'yong wala Apo." maikli niyang sagot.
Tinulungan kong magligpit ang isa sa mga katulong pagkatapos naming kumain. After that, Lola informed me that she'll take a rest in her room. Hindi na rin ako nagreklamo, tinulungan na lang siyang umakyat sa kwarto. She's quite at the age where she needs guide and support from people, para saan pa at naging doktor ako kung sarili kong Lola hindi ko matulungan.
I tucked her in right after I made sure she took her maintenance. Minsan, may katigasan ng ulo at ayaw uminom dahilan na wala naman daw siyang nararamdamang sakit.
"La, maintenance nga po diba? Kailangan dapat uminom kayo," I said as soon as she laid down. "It's for your health Lola."
She held my hand which made me pause.
"Matutuwa si Rana sa 'yo," ani niya bago ito makatulog. I smiled with the thought and glanced at her before slowly stepping out the room and gently closing the door behind me.
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I poured myself a glass of water. Gabi na pero hindi parin ako makatulog, sa susunod na araw pa naman ulit ako magtatrabaho. I'll let myself sleep in tomorrow if that's what I need, sa ngayon, siguro onting oras muna para sa sarili ko bago ako tuluyang dapuan ng antok.
When I reached my room, I opened my laptop to browse movies. Hindi ako mahilig manood but maybe tonight will be different. Also, I need some noise, the silence is too loud right now, almost eerie.
Upon opening up my browser, iba ang bumungad sa 'kin.
HOT TOPIC: THEORIN VERGARA, A KNOWN CIVIL ENGINEER WAS RUSHED IN THE HOSPITAL AFTER PASSING OUT DUE TO STRESS AND FATIGUE.
I skipped through the headline and tried not to mind. Iba ang gusto kong gawin kaya binuksan ko ang laptop ko. I clicked the search bar, the text cursor blinking as time passes by. My eyes are fixated on the cursor but somehow, my mind is occupied about that headline.
Wala namang masama kung babasahin ko, diba?
Slowly, I found myself clicking the article. With a blank expression on my face, I started to read.
A picture of him brightly smiling, his eyes almost disappearing, was posted on top of the article.
Theorin Vergara, a known Civil Engineer under Apex Grid Civil Works, was spotted in the firms' public parking lot unconscious. It was announced that he got of work but due to lack of sleep, stress, and over fatigue, the engineer lost consciousness before he even got the chance to enter his vehicle.
Medical Authorities have already confirmed that he is being taken care of in North Bridge Medical Center. His company also posted an statement saying that Mr. Vergara voluntarily worked past working hours and there was nothing they can do about it.
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NorthBridge Times
A faint smile curved on my lips. Buti natupad niya ang pangarap niya. Not only that, looks like he's a public figure too. As I was reading and scrolling through the comment section, one had caught my attention.
UserT.C.V_: Kawawa naman siya, mukang mag-isa lang. Wala man lang nabanggit na kasama niya ang kanyang mga magulang o may pamilyang nag-aalaga sa kanya.
I stared blankly on the comment. I know him well enough to say that he has a family but who am I to protect him from people online?
I paused for a moment, letting a memory take over my mind.
"Lana, my mom's dead." littleTheo said. Bakas sa muka niya ang lungkot dahil sa namumugto nitong mga mata. Even if we were young that time, he was already towering over me. He was tall for his age.
Hindi ko alam kung ano ang sasabihin ko sa mga oras na 'yon. Tumigil rin ang mundo ng makita ko kung gaano siya kalungkot. I was nine, he was ten. He was too young to suffer that kind of pain. Too young to be left alone in this world.
Tinitigan ko lang siya sa mga oras na 'yon hanggang sa unti-unting pumatak ang luhang matagal na niyang pinipigilan. That was the very first time I saw him cry; with sadness, with fear, and with guilt.
"Theo, tama na." even if I looked small beside him, I initiated a hug. Little me ached for him. "Iyak ka nalang pala, diba mas okay 'yon?"
Somewhat, that statement made him chuckle as he hugged me back. After Tita's funeral, he stayed with us until a few of his relatives took him in. Limang taon siyang nanatili dito sa bahay and some time in those five years, he started calling my Mom "Mama."
Because he stayed here, that's when our friendship grew deeper. Eventually, he had to move out but we stayed in touch.
He has a family, and I was one of them.
I angrily closed my laptop when I realized my eyes started to shed some tear. God, kailangan ko magpahangin. Mali 'to, I shouldn't care about him anymore.
Maaga akong bumalik sa apartment kinabukasan. I cleaned up my apartment as my mind needed a refresher. Akala ko tapos na ang mga oras na pag-iisip ko sa kanya, na matapos sa ospital, hinding-hindi ko na siya makikita ulit.
I thought he'll live in my memories, but fate had other plans.
Because tell me why it was him who I saw once I stepped out of my door. I saw him walking out of the unit next to mine, wearing a plain grey sweatpants and plain black shirt, and for a second, I forgot how to breath.
He's holding a bag of trash and headed outside, where I am throwing my own bag of trash.
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and then Add to home screen.