Chapter two
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"We've known each other the moment we stepped foot in this world." I said, finally breaking the silence between us. "Mom already left, will you stay?"
Gabi na pero gising parin ang mga tao at kasalukuyang nandito kami sa rooftop ng isang abandonadong building. We found this place years ago and we'd always found ourselves cooped up in the play house we both built back when we were young. Napatingin ako kay Theo ng marinig ko siyang napabuntong hininga.
He smiled. "I'll stay for as long as I can."
"Fair enough," I answered.
Umiwas ako ng tingin.
I wanted to say more, maybe complain because he never gave a specific time but I understood why so I kept my mouth shut instead. Hindi naman lahat ng tao sa buhay natin mananatili hanggang dulo. Some will stay long enough to matter. Others leave before you're ready. Hindi naman ako makasarili but for Theo? I'd want him to stay until the day I leave this world. For us to watch each other grow from teenagers to adults. I want him to always stay by my side. I don't know if I'll be able to handle life without him around.
Lalo na't hindi lang basta kaibigan ang tingin ko sa kanya.
"No'ng araw na nawala si Tita, I remember how sad you were back then." Both our Mom's were friends since high school, unfortunately, Tita left this world earlier than Mom.
He chuckled. "I was ten years old, syempre wala akong ibang alam gawin no'n kundi umiyak!"
I turned my gaze back at him only to see him already staring at me.
"Ikaw? Since Mama left hindi pa kita nakitang umiyak."
Mama? That's what he calls my Mom. Mama.
"Hindi ko alam." I looked down on my feet. "Masakit pero hindi ko alam. Siguro hindi pa nagsi-sink in?"
Maybe because I knew that he'll stay by my side until life gets a little better or that he'll always let me lean on his shoulders whenever I need one to cry on.
"Mas magiging pangit ang iyak mo kapag hindi mo pa nilabas ngayon."
This time, ako naman ang natawa.
I gripped the railing tighter as I let the silence surround us. There was never a dull moment with him even if we're wrapped in silence.
Silence slowly fills the room and it gets heavier every time the clock ticks. Nagsimulang bumagal ang paligid, and the only sound I could hear was my own heartbeat.
Tulala kaming pareho. No one dared to move or break the silence that has been swallowing us both the moment I stepped right into the room. Ruea excused herself a moment ago because of an emergency, leaving me behind with him.
"Umh—"
"You need rest, makakalabas ka na rin ng ospital bukas." I cut him off a little too quickly.
Umiwas siya ng tingin. I sighed and turned my back at him but just when I was about to walk away, he uttered some words I never expected him to say.
"White coat," he paused, hesitant to continue. "Bagay mo." he added.
Hindi ko siya sinagot at hindi ko rin siya tinignan ulit. I kept it professional and continued my way out of that suffocating room. The moment I closed the door behind me, my knees became weak. I leaned against the wall, my back pressing against its cold surface as I took deep, unsteady breaths.
Just when I thought life could be peaceful, here he comes running.
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The rest of the day became just the usual: rounds, check-ups, check-ins, nothing out of the ordinary. Tahimik ako buong araw, tsaka lang ako nagsasalita tuwing kailangan. Maybe I am still shaken up with what happened early today. Hindi ko inakalang siya ang una kong makikita ngayong araw o 'di kaya, isa siya sa magiging pasyente ko.
Maaga akong umuwi ngayon dahilan ng wala namang gaano'ng pasyente kaya naman may oras akong mag-ayos dito sa apartment. It gets lonely at times, sa loob ng walong taon, Dad, Kuya and Mama was always been by my side. This is the first time I've settled in a place without them. Nakakapanibago pero dahil kailangan para sa trabaho, kakayanin.
Dad was able to call me earlier and since tomorrow is my day off, I can visit Lola and Mom. Mahilig man akong mapag-isa, I still crave for human connection.
As I was tidying up one of the boxes, I came across the old camcorder I've always used back when I was young. Hindi ko alam na nakuha ko ito o baka nailagay ni Dad sa mga gamit ko. I haven't seen this for so long and stopped using one since the time I thought I lost this precious thing.
A gift from Mom.
The video started, focusing on a little girl wearing a purple dress, apron on top of it. She's busy mixing up flour in a bowl and since it's dry, the force she possesses caused a mess, spilling flour everywhere — including on herself. The video slightly became shaky as the person behind the camera started laughing. Mom.
"Mahal, makalat na." She spoke. Her lovely voice blended beautifully with my laugh in the video: squeaky, continuous, and contagious. Moments later, Dad came into the frame. As usual, wearing his glasses and scrubs, even forgot to take off his surgical cap, probably rushing to get home.
Mom focused the camera on me and Dad, capturing a sweet momentum — he kisses my forehead, not minding the fact that I was covered in flour nor acknowledging the mess I made that surrounded us. He then walked towards Mom and greeted her, but in this part of the video, the camera was set down on the table, its lens faced the ceiling.83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9BVH3xbJxG
I held the camcorder tighter.
Mom, I miss you.
As I sat down, watching every footage I could possibly find, one video clip made me stop. I stared at the screen for a while, debating if I should or shouldn't press play. My room became painfully quiet—the ticking clock, the muffled engines from passing cars, the quiet hum of the city outside. It felt like time itself was waiting, giving me a choice: fill the silence with whatever memory was preserved in that video... or shut the camera off and pretend I'm too tired to deal with it.
I can hear my heart beat at the same time as the clock ticks.
And before I knew it, laughter filled my room, followed by a man' s voice.
The video was grainy and shaky, however, it became stable as it played. There I was, focusing the camera on him as I let out a loud laugh — maybe contagious enough as it also made him laugh. Then, it zoomed on his face, too much that even my younger self was shocked. As I zoomed it out a little, a breeze passed by, making his wavy hair danced. As if the wind was its music, his hair perfectly danced in rhythm.
"Wow naman, ang pangit mo diyan!!" My younger self shouted as she focused on filming his facial features.
Such foolish behaviour.
His eyes twinkled as the sunlight shines on his face. He scrunches his nose as he smiles. He then slowly looked at the camera before rolling his eyes and covering it with his hand.
"Tigilan mo nga 'yan!" The screen is now black pero rinig parin ang mga boses namin dahil hindi ako tumigil sa pagkuha ng bidyo.
"Ayoko nga!"
"Ve, 'pag 'di mo 'yan itigil..."
"Oh? Ano??" I couldn't remember what he did but I can hear myself laughing once again, this time, more genuine and louder.
Then the video cuts off, and my camera suddenly shuts down. I long pressed its power button to turn it on but it is not working. Only then I realized that it ran out of battery.
Gaya kanina, tahimik ulit ang paligid. The tick of the clock echoes inside these four walls.
At sa unang pagkakataon, hindi siya payapa.
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and then Add to home screen.