最近在圖書館借一本小說，我看見作者簡介上寫，出生年1999年，高雄人。103Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ZPSJCnSQJ
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哇！年紀竟然比我小。103Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlHCIzPNnSN
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不知道為什麼心裡有一點不舒服的感受。103Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw0DJQtlB5A
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那種細微的感受被我察覺到，我馬上記在腦海裡，走回家的路上，邊走邊想，那種微微的不舒服究竟叫什麼？103Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlzJeoK55Eg
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它叫嫉妒嗎？我是那種心胸狹窄的人嗎？其實我不太清楚嫉妒的定義，嫉妒是那種用於形容別人身上很容易的詞語，但若要用在形容自己，就會突然覺得嫉妒這一詞變得很曖昧、模糊。103Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoj7lE776fg
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我查一下字典，嫉妒是因別人比自己優秀或擁有自己沒有的東西而產生不滿、怨恨或不快的情緒。103Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYo7obwySzx
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我倒不至於對比我年輕的作家感到不滿，至少沒到怨恨的地步，但心裡有點在意，即使只存在短暫的瞬間，也是不爭的事實。103Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX7DxNG18di
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我真正好奇的，是那股微小波瀾從何而來。103Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfvUXfZB1SY
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另外，我發現隨著時間推移，年紀比我小的人正在變多。以前身邊的人大多比我年長，總是大哥大姐地叫；直到最近我才慢慢意識到，樓下便利商店的店員，年紀可能和我差不多。打開電視，台上賣力唱跳的歌手，也可能比我小。之前幫我安裝路由器的男生，我甚至可以叫他一聲弟弟。103Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcGaFHITe37
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所以，讀到一本年紀比我小的小說家寫的書，也是再正常不過的事。103Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZN9NsCoug6
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那麼讓我不快的情緒，與其說是嫉妒，更像是一種對年齡增長的焦慮。103Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkF0WRydjo0
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只是那份焦慮，外頭包了一層皮，讓人不容易察覺。若不是刻意放慢、放大來看，它很可能就被另一種聲音取代。103Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAPTCPn09Le
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「啊！這樣深度的小說也可以出書。」103Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDHpkoJBqMK
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「現在年輕人出書還真是容易。」103Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQwS5G9w6bz
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這樣想心裡會比較平衡，也沒有對錯，人本來就有選擇怎麼理解外在世界的自由，但只停留在這種想法，我就錯過了靠近自己內心的機會。103Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyFM9CTnnx7
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不能理解自己的人，往往會在防衛下對新事物產生牴觸，久而久之，變得越來越封閉，人們口中的老頑固，或許是這樣慢慢養成的，而那不是我想要成為的樣子。103Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuE5yr1mNFq
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於是我借了這本小說回家讀，有點好奇，一雙更年輕的眼睛，看到的世界究竟會是什麼模樣。1234 copyright protection99ＰＥＮＡＮＡczcG45IPxU 尼

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