Yield
Elliot's Point of View
I shouted her name into the wreck and the sound scraped my lungs like gravel, yet even as pain climbed my ribs I kept moving because love is not a speech but a decision that repeats until your feet obey the promise you made.
Kahit nanginginig ang tuhod at nanlalabo ang paningin, pinilit kong tumayo at sumulong sa usok at alikabok sapagkat mas malakas ang takot kong mawala siya kaysa sa sakit na kumakagat sa balikat at likod.
The blast had turned the elite wing cafeteria into a hollow echo where tables became teeth and windows became knives, and for one sick second I thought the room had swallowed her whole.
Mabuti na lang at sa pagitan ng pira pirasong tray at gumuhong signage ay nasilayan ko ang isang anino na may buhat sa kanya, at doon ko nakilala ang lakad at tikas na paulit ulit kong nakita sa gilid ng mga bangungot.
Kiefer held her like a stolen trophy and spoke in a sugar coated whisper that curdled the air, telling Avery that she belonged to him alone and that a cleaner ending required removing me from the page.
Parang may lagnat ang ngiti niya habang sinasabi na kapag wala na si ako ay wala nang istorbo at mas madaling isulat ang fairytale na siya mismo ang gumuguhit, at sa sandaling iyon ay parang lumamig ang buong paligid.
He pressed a handkerchief over her mouth and nose and my vision went white with rage that tasted like battery acid, so I grabbed a splintered plank and stepped to swing because there are moments when logic is a luxury.
Ngunit bago ko pa maihataw ang kahoy ay may kamay na humawak sa braso ko at may boses na dumampi sa tenga ko na mahina pero malinaw na parang tali na humahatak pabalik sa katinuan.
"Elliot, ako ito, si Tyron," he whispered, and my body pulled between fight and plan while my heart tried to jump out of my chest to follow her.
Binitiwan ko ang hininga kong mabigat at biglang pumutok ang galit, at napahagod ako ng mura dahil hindi ko kayang panoorin na kinikidnap ang taong araw araw kong pinipili.
"Let go, I cannot watch him take her," I said, half prayer and half threat, because every instinct I had was a blade pointing forward.
"Wala ka sa kundisyon at sabay kayong mawawala kapag sumugod ka," sagot ni Tyron na walang porma ngunit puno ng lohika, at doon ko naramdaman na tama siya kahit gustong sumigaw ng dugo ko.
My fists wanted to break, my jaw wanted to crack, and my brain kept flashing images of Avery blinking slow when she relaxes, which only sharpened the need to act without turning us into easy targets.
Pinikit ko sandali ang mga mata at inalala ko ang Air at Tuck at Fold, dahil kapag hindi ko kinapitan ang mga code namin ay baka ako ang maging dahilan ng kapahamakan niya.
"How do you even know what they are doing," I asked, trying to steady my voice while smoke snagged the back of my throat.
"Matagal ko silang ino-obserbahan," sagot niya, diretso at walang paligoy, at ikinwento niyang nagdisguise siya at pinasok ang maliit na bilog na sumusunod kay Kiefer upang alamin ang mga plano.
He said the men had been shadowing Avery for days and that he played along long enough to learn the schedule, the handoffs, and the sick pride they took in being near their leader, which made my stomach twist.
Nalaman daw niya na ako ang tunay na target at ang pagsabog ay distraction lamang para maubos ang bantay at mabutas ang perimeter, at mas madali nilang mailalabas si Avery kapag sumabog ang takot sa lahat ng direksyon.
I looked around and finally saw the pattern because the elite cafeteria had fewer students during this slot, and the staggered lunch schedule made the place a quiet throat where a monster could sing.
Kaya pala ganito kabilis at halos walang saksi, dahil sinadya nilang pumili ng oras na manipis ang tao at ang ilaw ay kaya nilang patayin sa ilang pindot lamang.
"Why did you not tell me earlier," I asked, teeth clenched, because secrecy tastes like betrayal when someone you love is at stake.
"Kapag kinausap kita nang direkta ay mapuputol ang access ko at baka pati si Avery ay hindi ko na malapitan, at nakita mo rin na halos walang gustong lumapit sa kanya kanina dahil takot ang lahat kay Kiefer," paliwanag niya na mabigat ngunit totoo.
I wanted to hate him for the risk and I wanted to thank him for the intel, which is the annoying chemistry of survival when fear and strategy have to share the same table.
Pinisil ko ang kahoy sa palad at hinayaan kong umapaw ang galit hanggang sa lumamig ito sa anyo ng determinasyon, dahil mas kailangan ko ngayon ang utak kaysa kamao.
"Then we fight smart," I said, pulling the map of campus into my head and tracing exits like arteries, because action needs shape.
"Tumawag ka kina Tyler at Edward at ipasundo tayo sa likod ng gym, doon sa tambayan na maliwanag at may CCTV, tapos tayong dalawa dadaan sa kitchen at dideretso sa fire exit," dagdag ko habang pinapakinggan ang yabag ni Kiefer na palayo ngunit mabigat.
Tyron nodded and moved like a shadow that learned manners, and I could hear him sending short instructions while I counted my breaths and forced my legs to obey.
Dahan dahan kaming naglakad sa pagitan ng nabaling mesa at durog na salamin, at bawat hakbang ay parang pagsusulat ng liham kay Avery na nagsasabing huwag siyang bibitaw dahil paparating ako.
Inside my head a different voice refused to shut up, the one that wanted to promise fireworks and thunder, yet I kept it on a leash and translated the love into checklists because rescue runs on steps.
Inisa isa ko ang kailangan, live location sa chat kapag may signal, larawan ng corridor at timestamp, pag iwas sa blind corners, at pagbilang ng tatlong tibok bago sumilip sa bagong pinto.
A shout rolled across the smoke and it was Kiefer again, barking orders for his men to find us and close every path, which only clarified the math I had already done.
Hindi ako papasok sa laro niyang madalian at bulag, dahil mas gugustuhin kong mabuhay ako at si Avery nang sabay kaysa maging alamat na mabilis nakalimutan.
We skirted the steaming dishwash station where metal hissed like anger, then slipped through a service corridor that smelled of detergent and fear, and for the first time since the blast I felt a sliver of control.
Nagbigay daan ang kusina papunta sa pinto ng fire exit at doon ko inalala kung paano niya ako tinuruan na huminga nang sabay, at naisip kong kapag nagtagpo kami muli ay uunahin kong ayusin ang ritmo ng hininga niya bago ang kahit ano pa.
"I love her so much it scares me," I admitted to the part of me that thinks love is weakness, and the admission did not break me which felt like proof that love can be muscle when trained.
Hindi ako bayani at hindi ko kailangan maging bala, dahil mas mabisa ang pagligtas kapag buo ang ulo, at kapag humampas muli ang kaba ay aalalahanin ko ang halik sa noo na parang selyo ng tahanan.
"Call sent and pin dropped," Tyron said while peering through the crash bar window, and he added that Tyler and Edward were sprinting from the science block with a first aid kit and two clean towels.
Sabi niya may security cam sa may likuran ng gym at may guard na kilala niya na makikipag cooperate, kaya kung makarating kami roon ay mas mahihirapan ang grupo ni Kiefer na magpagapang ng kwento.
"Good, we hold the line and we move," I said, pushing the door a fraction to test the hinge, then closing it again because footsteps were too near.
Nilingon ko si Tyron at mahina kong sinabi na kung sakaling may kailangan isakripisyo ay ako ang unang haharang, ngunit agad niyang sinagot na walang hero play at sama sama kaming lalabas.
My chest burned and my hands shook and I kept seeing the way Avery's fingers twitch when she tries to fight sleep, which fueled a softer fury that I stored like heat behind my ribs.
Pinangako ko sa sarili ko na kapag nabawi ko siya ay hindi ko siya lalamunin ng sobrang higpit, bagkus ay babalutin ko siya ng init na hindi mabigat, tulad ng lagi naming pangako na Blanket at Pillow.
We started forward again and the cafeteria groaned like a wounded animal, and through the gap I heard Kiefer snarl that he did not want me slipping the trap because loose ends insulted his design.
Napangisi ako kahit umiinit ang tenga sa galit, at sa isip ko ay hinarap ko siya at sinabi na hindi siya Diyos ng kabanata namin at hindi siya ang pumipili kung sino ang nabubura.
"Almost there," Tyron said as we cleared a spill of utensils that looked like silver rain, and I pictured the back lot that waited with air that did not taste like metal.
Sa bawat segundo ay inuulit ko ang pangalan niya na parang dasal na may direksyon, at bawat dasal ay sinasabayan ko ng plano kung paano ko kukunin muli ang oras na ninakaw sa amin.
Kiefer shouted for his men to search the service wing and to seal the doors, and his voice carried a confidence that made my teeth grind because arrogance often trips on its own echo.
Humigpit ang hawak ko sa strap ng bag at bumulong ako ng isang kasamaang hindi ko na kayang itago, at ipinangako kong kapag oras na ay hindi ko siya hahayaang takutin kami muli.
We paused at the final corner to listen, then counted to three in silence, and on the count we moved as one because fear can be choreographed when trust has been rehearsed.
Narinig ko siyang muling sumigaw na hanapin daw kami at huwag akong pakawalan, at sa loob ko ay kumulo ang isang salita na matagal ko nang gustong isuka, kaya binitawan ko ito na parang bato sa malalim na ilog.
Putangina mo, Kiefer, hintayin mo lang, dahil darating ako at babawiin ko si Avery at ang tahimik naming araw, at ipapakita ko sa iyo na hindi mo kayang patayin ang liwanag na pinili naming alagaan araw araw.
We burst out through the kitchen service door and cut across the loading strip behind the cafeteria, and the cold outside air felt like a slap that woke up the parts of me that still wanted to shake, which was most of me if I am honest.
Pagliko namin sa likod ay sumulpot sina Tyler at Edward na parang sinukat ang timing sa tibok ng puso ko, at doon ko lang naalala na may mga kaibigan akong handang sumalo sa bigat kapag hindi na kaya ng isang tao ang mundo.
"Okay, spill," Edward said as he fell into step beside us, his eyes moving like he was counting exits and witnesses at the same time while his hand already fished a power bank and a tiny flashlight from his bag.
Nag unfold si Tyron ng crumpled blueprint na nakatago sa loob ng jacket at mabilis niyang ipinatong sa hood ng van, tapos ibinuka ang papel at tinuro ang mga linya na parang guro na nagsusulat ng sagot sa board habang nagmamadali ang oras.
"This is their hideout and I pulled it from a bag one of Kiefer's guys dropped when the blast scattered everyone," Tyron said, voice low but precise, and I tracked his finger as it traced a narrow corridor that funneled toward a storage wing.
Tinapik niya ang isang maliit na silid sa dulo ng pasilyo at sinabi niyang doon malamang nakatago si Avery, may tatlong bantay sa labas at isa sa loob, at mahina ang likod na bahagi na may service grate na puwedeng tanggalin kung tama ang gawa ng kamay.
"Do we still have time to call for backup," Tyler asked while he adjusted the sling bag that now looked suspiciously like a field kit, and he glanced at me as if measuring how close I was to breaking.
Umiling si Tyron at nagtagpo ang mga mata namin habang sinasabi niyang bawat segundo ay may presyo at hindi tayo pwedeng maghintay dahil ang delay ay regalo sa baliw na nagdala sa kanya, kaya ngayon tayo papasok at ngayon din natin siya ilalabas at tatama tayo kung kakailanganin para makalakad palabas nang buo.
Silence pooled for a breath and I felt the decision settle into my bones the way cold becomes a fact in rain, so I spoke before fear could bargain, telling them we were going now and that I would not leave the place without her hand in mine even if my legs had to learn a new way to run.
Tumango silang tatlo na parang iisang ulo ang gumagalaw, at sa mata nila ay nakita ko ang parehong galit na pinipirmi at ang parehong pag aalaga na hindi kailangang sabihin para maramdaman.
We piled into the van and I took the wheel because the part of me that needed control was the part that could still read maps while my arm throbbed like a drum, and the engine coughed awake with the smell of old rubber and spilled soda that reminded me this was a student vehicle doing a job it was never meant to do.
Umupo si Tyler sa passenger seat at agad niyang binuksan ang glove compartment para maghanap ng maliit na towel at tape, habang si Edward sa likod ay nag set ng group call na walang audio upang makita ang pins on the map at ma-update kami sa galaw ng bawat isa, at si Tyron ay muling tinupi ang blueprint at isinilid sa bulsa na parang rosaryo ng isang taong hindi pwedeng magkamali ng dasal.
I eased the van into motion and my head filled with a steady list that I repeated like a prayer, which was funny in a grim way because I have not prayed this hard since I learned to fall in love without pretending it was a risk free sport.
Habang umaandar kami ay paulit-ulit kong sinabi sa sarili na dapat hindi sumabog ang ulo ko at hindi sumobra ang yabang ko at hindi ako gagawa ng hakbang na walang kasunod na ligtas na hakbang, dahil ang tapang na walang direksyon ay kapatid ng kapahamakan.
"Turn right at the maintenance lane then cut through the service court," Edward directed while zooming into the satellite view on his phone, and his voice made a rail my panic could hold on to.
Sinuway ko ang panginginig ng kamay at binaluktot ang mga daliri sa manibela, tapos pumikit ng isang kisap upang alalahanin ang mukha ni Avery kapag natatawa at kung paanong yumuyuko ang kilay niya kapag seryoso, at doon ko hinugot ang lakas na hindi mo makukuha sa sigaw kundi sa tahimik na pangako.
"Copy," I said, because simple words can be anchors when the water tries to pull you under.
Sa likod ko ay narinig ko si Tyron na pabulong na nire-review ang layout, sinasabing ang service grate sa likod ay may dalawang turnilyo lamang at kayang tanggalin gamit ang coin, at pinakiusapan si Tyler na ihanda ang multitool kung sakaling magmatigas ang luma at kalawangin na bakal.
We rolled to a stop behind a stack of delivery crates and killed the lights, and the sudden hush pressed on my ears until I heard my own breathing slow, which meant the training we built from our small rituals was paying rent.
Hinugot ni Tyler ang maliit na first aid kit at pinahiran ang gasgas sa braso ko ng antiseptic na kumirot na parang paalala na buhay pa ako at kailangan kong manatiling ganoon, at pagkatapos ay pinulupot niya ng maayos ang elastic wrap upang hindi mag ingay sa galaw at hindi rin ako tuluyang mawalan ng pwersa.
"Forgive me, Lord," I said under my breath because if faith is a language then tonight I am a foreigner trying to say the right words, and I asked that if my hands do something unkind to the monster who laid a hand on her then may the mercy be for my soul after I make sure she is breathing next to me again.
Hindi ako santo at hindi ako pulis na walang sabit, ngunit malinaw sa akin na ang galit na hindi lumalampas sa hangganan ng pag iingat ay kaya pa ring humanap ng tamang direksyon, kaya ipinangako ko na uunahin ko ang buhay niya bago ang paghihiganti ko.
"Positions," Edward whispered as he cracked the door and scanned the alley, and he assigned himself to the comms and the map while Tyler took point with eyes on light sources and Tyron shadowed me to handle the grate.
Tumango ako at inilipat ang bigat sa paa, tapos huminga nang sabay sa alaalang itinuro ni Avery, apat na bilang papasok at apat na bilang palabas, dahil ang galit na may ritmo ay mas matalas kaysa galit na basta na lang sumusunog.
I thought of our stupid codes and how they were never stupid, Pillow for rest and Blanket for warmth and Air for a shared breath that told two scared people they could still choose calm, and I promised to use those codes like tools instead of nostalgia.
Naalala ko rin kung paanong ngumiti siya kaninang umaga at kung paanong nagbiro ako na default setting ko ang traffic side, at bigla kong naisip na ang tunay na kahulugan ng default ay ito mismo, ang awtomatikong pagharang sa panganib at ang paulit ulit na pag alok ng kamay hanggang sumuko ang bagyo.
"Last check," Tyler said as he slid the side door open just enough for us to melt into the shadow of the wall, and he asked if I could still run with the arm the way it was.
Kumirot ang sugat ko at parang may ulan na pumatak sa loob ng laman, ngunit tumango ako dahil mas mabigat ang ideya ng isang mundo na wala siya, at iyon ang uri ng sakit na hindi ko kayang buhayin kahit isang minuto.
We moved, low and quiet and stubborn, and as the night folded around us I tasted the exact shape of my fear which is only the shape of love when it refuses to sit down, so I let it walk beside me instead of inside me.
Habang papalapit kami sa bakod sa likod ng compound ay ramdam kong papalapit din ako sa sandaling kailangang pumili sa pagitan ng galit at pag iingat, at pinili ko ang pag iingat dahil iyon ang wika ng taong gustong umuwi kasama ang pinakamahal niyang tao.
"Two guards near the south corner and one light flickering by the stairs," Edward whispered into the open line, and the map winked with our blue dots inching toward the mark Tyron had circled earlier.
Humawak si Tyron sa balikat ko at kumindat na parang sinasabi na kaya natin ito kung hindi tayo magpapanic, tapos sumenyas siya ng tatlong bilang at sabay naming nilusot ang gap sa pagitan ng crates at pader na amoy alikabok at pako.
For a heartbeat I wanted to roar and break and be the story that crashes through a door because the movies make it look easy, yet the next heartbeat remembered that Avery likes endings where everyone still gets to sleep with both eyes closed, and that is the only ending I am interested in buying tonight.
Kaya habang tumutunog ang malayong utos ni Kiefer na hanapin daw kami at pigilan daw akong makatakas, bumulong ako ng pangakong hindi hihinto hangga't hindi ko naibabalik ang kamay niya sa kamay ko, at kung kailangan kong maging multo sa dilim para doon makarating ay magiging multo ako ngayon at magiging liwanag ako pagkatapos naming tumakbo palayo.
Avery's Point of View
I woke into a slow ache that felt like the room had been poured into my skull, and before my eyes could focus I already knew I was not where safety lives.
Malamig ang hangin na parang bagong linis na ospital at masyadong tahimik ang paligid na para akong nakikipagtalo sa tunog ng sarili kong hinga habang sinusubukan kong igalaw ang mga daliri at alamin kung may tali sa pulso ko.
I let my gaze crawl across the walls that were too white and too polite, counting corners and seams and screws because the first step to leaving is knowing where the edges are.
Parang hotel ang set up na may malinis na kumot at maayos na lampshade pero may presensyang madulas at malansa sa hangin na parang takot na tinakpan ng pabango.
When the blur steadied I found him sitting beside the bed with that smile that never learned to be human, and instinct told me to shrink while pride told me to sit up and own my name.
Umusog akong konti palayo at kahit nanginginig ang boses ay pinilit kong magbuo ng salita na hindi hihingi ng awa dahil mas gusto kong humingi ng oras kaysa huminga.
"Please do not touch me," I managed, because drawing a line is the smallest kind of weapon that still cuts.
"Huwag kang kabahan, Princess, ikakasal muna tayo bago kita tikman at iyon ang version ko ng romance dahil ako ang nagsusulat ng kwento natin," sagot niya na may ngiting parang punit na ribbon sa regalo na hindi mo hiningi.
My brain tried to file his words under joke and failed, so I breathed the way Elliot taught me and counted until fear had a handle I could hold.
"A-Ano ba ang pina-plano mo," tanong ko na may panginginig pero may direksyon din, dahil kailangan kong malaman kung saan ako babaling at kanino ako makikipagpambuno.
"Maybe nothing or maybe everything which starts with removing Elliot so you can remember that you are mine," he said, almost gentle, and the softness felt colder than steel.
Napakagat ako sa labi at naramdaman kong may alat na dumampi sa dila, at bago pa man tumulo ang luha ay pinilit kong maging malinaw ang pakiusap na kayang bumili ng oras.
"If hurting me will keep him alive then take me and leave him out of this because I will give you everything you ask if it means he goes home," I said, hating the bargain and loving the reason.
"Masakit pakinggan na marinig ang pangalan niya mula sa bibig mo at hindi iyon magandang musika sa tenga ko kaya huwag mo nang ulitin," tugon niya, at sa saglit na iyon ay nawala ang ngiti at napalitan ng tahimik na bagyo ang mga mata.
The slap arrived like weather that did not ask permission and my jaw lit with sparks while the copper taste spread, yet I refused to let the sound he wanted escape my throat.
Nanlumo ang panga at halos maramdaman kong umalog ang mundo pero hindi ko hinayaang bumigay ang likod ko sa unan dahil hindi ako dekorasyon na pwedeng ilagay kung saan niya gusto.
"Oops that was stronger than planned but maybe now you understand that saying you love him is not ideal for my ears," he said, and the apology made the cruelty worse.
Napahikbi ako at tumulo ang luha kahit ayaw ko, kaya agad kong inipon ang sarili ko at inalala ko ang codes namin ni Elliot para hindi ako malunod sa hiya at sakit.
I told myself Air means I can survive this breath and the next, and Tuck means I can hold my own hand until the real one returns.
Fold naman ang ibig sabihin ay bibigyan ko ng espasyo ang takot ko para hindi siya umapaw at maging baha na magpapalubog sa anumang plano na pwedeng magligtas sa amin.
He knelt at the edge of the bed with the gravity of a false priest asking for vows, and his shadow climbed the sheets like a stain that wanted to stay.
"Gusto mo talagang mabuhay si Elliot," tanong niya na parang nag-aalok ng pakpak kapalit ng kaluluwa, at para akong nilalamig na paslit na ayaw umiyak.
"Yes I do and I will say it again even if it earns me another bruise because truth does not stop being truth when it is punished," I answered, and I made sure the words carried both fear and spine.
Tumango siya at dumikit ang tingin sa akin na parang gusto niyang kopyahin ang buong mukha ko, tapos ngumiti ng maliit na ngiting walang init at bumulong na susundin ko ang lahat kung gusto kong humihinga pa si Elliot bukas.
I weighed the trap in his voice and chose the only move that keeps the door cracked, which is obedience on the surface and resistance in the seams.
Mahina akong um-oo at hinayaan kong makita niya na marupok ako dahil minsan ang pagpapanggap na basag ay paraan para hindi niya hanapin ang tunay na lakas.
"Good girl," he said while adjusting the blanket like he owned the word, and I let the gesture pass because fighting every touch wastes the fight I need for the door.
Tahimik kong sinukat ang silid at tinandaan ko ang posisyon ng camera sa sulok at ang tunog ng vent sa taas at ang mahinang click tuwing sumasara ang kuryente sa lampshade.
I pictured Elliot reading the map Tyron found and Tyler timing the light and Edward calling the right name at the right desk, and the vision steadied me more than the bed did.
Alam kong papalapit sila dahil ganoon maglakad ang mga taong marunong magmahal at marunong magplano, at ang trabaho ko ngayon ay mabuhay sa pagitan ng tanong at sagot.
"I will be quiet and I will follow, but I need water because my head is pounding and you do not want your bride fainting before the big moment," I said, feeding his fantasy while feeding myself time.
Tumayo siya at naglakad papunta sa maliit na sideboard na may pitcher at baso, at sa bawat hakbang niya ay pinakinggan ko ang tunog ng sahig dahil baka may kahoy na maluwag na puwedeng maging palatandaan kapag dumating ang tulong.
He poured like a host in a bad dream and I lifted the glass with hands that learned to hide their trembling, then I took small sips and counted to five between each swallow to keep from choking on fear.
Habang umiinom ako ay inalala ko ang boses ni Elliot na laging marunong magpatawa sa gitna ng bagyo, at binalikan ko ang pangako naming piliin ang isa't isa araw araw sa maliliit na paraan na nagiging tahanan.
"You will rest now and you will save your strength because tomorrow belongs to my script," he said, smoothing the sheet with theatrical care that made my skin crawl.
Nagpikit ako na kunwari sumusunod at marahan kong inihiga ang ulo ko sa unan, ngunit binukas ko ng bahagya ang mata para matandaan ang distansya mula sa frame ng pinto hanggang sa paanan ng kama at para makuha ang ritmo ng paglakad niya pabalik sa upuan.
Inside my chest I tucked the names of the people who would never leave me behind and I told my pulse to learn patience the way a river learns its banks, slow and certain.
Hindi ko alam kung gaano kahaba ang gabing ito pero alam kong hindi ako nag iisa, kaya kahit nanginginig pa ang loob ko ay pinili kong manahimik at maghintay dahil ang tahimik na oras ay puwedeng maging sandatang naghahasa ng talim.
I breathed the room into smaller pieces until fear could fit inside a pocket, and I promised myself that when the door opens I will run toward the voice that sounds like home.
Sa ngayon ay oo muna ang ibibigay ko dahil iyon ang tanging landas patungo sa bukas na puwedeng ayusin, at habang nakatitig siya ay iniipon ko ang lakas na kailangan para sabay naming buwagin ang kwentong ipinipilit niyang maging amin.
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