Goodbye
Elliot's Point of View
We hunkered behind a narra tree that towered over the service lane, and from its shadow the house we believed to be Kiefer's hideout looked staged and careful with guards spread along the fence, floodlights angled to erase comfort, and a silence that felt rehearsed.
Mas lumalamig ang paligid hindi dahil sa hangin kundi dahil sa kaba na kumakapit sa dibdib ko, habang pinipilit kong gawing direksyon ang takot at gawing mapa ang bawat tunog ng aso, bawat kisap ng ilaw, at bawat yabag na hindi sakto ang pagitan.
"Where is our cleanest path," Edward whispered while scanning the perimeter with that accountant focus that turns chaos into columns, and his phone camera swung low to avoid the lenses he kept spotting along the eaves.
Binuksan ni Tyron ang kulubot na blueprint na parang rosaryo sa bulsa niya, at ipinaliwanag niyang ang gilid na may laundry area ang pinakamalapit sa kwartong pinaghihinalaan niyang kinaroroonan ko ni Avery, dahil may service grate at may lumang gutter na pwedeng apakan nang hindi lumilikha ng tunog na makakaalarma sa mga bantay.
I nodded and made myself smaller behind the trunk while I watched the guards rotate with a cadence that did not quite match a normal shift, which suggested an extra pair of eyes hiding where the plan did not account for them.
Tahimik kaming tumango at nagkasundo sa simpleng cues na paulit ulit naming sinanay, at kinuha ko ang huling malalim na hininga bago lumipat ng puwesto, dahil kapag sinimulan mo na ang pag usad ay bawal na ang magbalik tanaw maliban na lang kung meron kang natutunang bago.
We moved in a crouch along the dark lip of the curb and let the van fade behind us, and with each step I kept replaying Avery's laugh because it steadied my knees better than any pep talk I could give myself.
Bawat hakbang ay mabigat hindi lang dahil sa tensyon kundi dahil sa kaalamang isang maling kalkula lang ay pwedeng magtapos ang gabi sa katahimikang wala na kaming lakas kontrahin, kaya paulit ulit kong binilang ang ilaw na nag fi flicker at ang pagitan ng whistle ng bantay na malayo.
Tyler took point and tested the chain link with a gloved hand before easing it open just enough for us to slip through, and the metallic sigh of the fence felt louder than it was which made me slow my breathing to match the rhythm of the night.
Sumenyas si Tyron ng tatlong bilang at sinundan namin siya sa pagitan ng mga drum na may amoy sabon at kloroks, habang si Edward naman ay nag iwan ng maliit na marker na kasing liit ng daliri sa paanan ng puno para kung kailangan naming umatras ay may direksyong malinaw na babalikan.
At the corner of the laundry shed we dropped to a knee and watched two guards talk under a lamp that hummed and flickered like a tired insect, and their conversation carried more theater than boredom which did not help my pulse.
Naroon ang pinto sa likod na dinrowing ni Tyron, at sa tabi nito ang grate na dalawang turnilyo lang ang sandigan, kaya inabot ni Tyler ang multitool at dahan dahan niyang pinaikot ang unang tornilyo habang ako naman ay nakikinig sa bawat pag galaw ng ilaw at sa bawat bagong aninong dumaraan sa dingding.
"Air," I mouthed when my hands began to tremble, then I breathed with the memory of Avery counting me through tight rooms, and the world sharpened by one shade.
Tahimik na tumango si Tyron at itinuro ang blind spot kung saan puwede kaming dumausdos papasok, saka niya inabot sa akin ang coin na gagamitin ko kung sakaling mainat ang turnilyo at mangailangan ng dagdag na pihit.
The second screw finally loosened and Tyler caught it in his palm before it could ping against the concrete, and I felt a real path opening which made hope a physical thing in my chest.
Inilapit ko ang tenga ko sa grate at kinapa ko ang loob, at ramdam kong may malamig na hangin na pumapasok mula sa lagusan na parang humihingang pangako na pwede naming pagdaanan kung maingat ang kilos at tahimik ang sapatos.
"On my mark we go in one by one and we do not speak unless tapped," I whispered, then I checked the tiny flashlight taped to the side of my wrist, because small light saves more than big noise ever will.
Nagkasalubong ang tingin namin ni Edward at parang sabay kaming nagdasal sa loob, at pagkatapos ay bumuo siya ng kunting ngiti na parang sinasabi na kaya natin ito kung dahan dahan at sabay sabay ang timpla ng tapang at talino.
I slid through first and felt the damp of the crawl space on my sleeves, and the scent of detergent mixed with rust made the memory of the cafeteria's smoke feel far, like a nightmare that forgot my name.
Sumunod si Tyron at sinabayan niya ang galaw ko para hindi mag alog ang grate, habang si Tyler naman ay nagbantay sa labas at sumilip sa kanto upang tiyakin na hindi kami napapansin ng dalawang bantay na nag uusap sa ilalim ng ilaw.
Halfway along the narrow channel my skin prickled the way it does when a room watches you back, and a wrong quiet settled that did not belong to buildings or wind.
Napatingin ako kay Tyron at kita ko rin sa mata niya ang parehong babala, kaya sumenyas siya na huminto kami sandali, subalit huli na ang lahat dahil may biglang aninong gumalaw sa mismong bukana na dapat sana naming lalabasan.
A pair of gloved hands snapped from the dark like hooks and yanked me forward while another shape surged behind Tyron, and the channel that was supposed to be our clean approach folded into a trap that had been waiting for our patience.
Bago pa ako makakilos ay may telang malamig na idinikit sa ilong at bibig ko, at sa unang hithit ay kumalat sa ulo ko ang amoy kemikal na parang yelong may pait, kaya pinilit kong humugot ng hangin sa gilid ng panyo at iwasan ang hilo.
"Hold your breath," I tried to say while I twisted my neck and drove my shoulder against the frame, but the cloth chased me and the hands were practiced in the art of quiet theft.
Narinig ko si Tyler na sumigaw ng isang putol na pangalan at si Edward na naghabol ng sipa, at may isang tumama dahil may tunog na kalansing ng metal sa semento, subalit mas marami ang kamay kaysa sa laban naming apat.
I planted a foot and pushed back with everything I had left, then felt knuckles crash into my ribs which lit the hallway with stars that were not in the sky, and the floor tilted while the world blurred at the edges.
Piliting mong huwag huminga ang sabi ng utak ko, kaya nagbilang ako ng tatlo at sinubukang dumikit sa pader para ipitin ang braso ng kalaban, ngunit mabilis at sanay ang paggalaw nila at muling dumampi ang panyo na may amoy panghimatay.
My last clear thought was Avery's name said like a promise I had not finished making, and then the sound of boots moved through water as if someone dragged me into a deeper room that echoed in metal.
Sa pagitan ng pagdilim ay parang may tumapik sa balikat ko at sigaw na parang malayo na nagsasabing kapit lang, at sinikap kong kumapit sa salitang iyon kahit madulas ang buong mundo at mabigat ang mga talukap.
Cold water slammed into my face and the shock ripped me back into the shape of my body, and I gasped like a fish that suddenly remembered air while the chair under me bit into my wrists.
Nanlalamig ako at nanginginig habang mabilis kong inikot ang tingin, at doon ko nakita sina Edward, Tyler, at Tyron na nakatali rin sa kahoy na upuan, may sugat sa labi, may pasa sa panga, at pare parehong gising ngunit walang magawa dahil masikip ang lubid at matalim ang tingin ng mga bantay.
I flexed my hands to test the give in the rope and found none, then I lifted my chin because if they wanted fear they would have to work for it, and I forced my breathing into the old cadence that belonged to us.
Tahimik kong inipon ang galit at ginawa ko itong lakas na hindi sumisigaw, at sa loob ko ay sinabing hindi matatapos dito ang kwento naming apat at lalong hindi dito matatapos ang pag uwi ko kay Avery.
My eyes went straight to Avery the moment the room stopped spinning, because even tied to a chair my body knew where home was supposed to be. She sat in the far corner, knees close, chin dipped, a thin blanket over her shoulders like it could pass for armor if you believed hard enough.
The light above her flickered on a rhythm that made her look farther away than the walls said she was, and I could not tell if she was shaking from cold or from holding herself together so I would not. Every part of me wanted to stand, to throw my weight at the ropes, to make a door where there was none.
"Avery," I called, rough and too loud in the metal echo, and the chair scraped the floor when I tried to rise as if effort alone could rewrite physics. I dragged air into my lungs and aimed my voice at the only person I have ever trusted to hear me.
"Pillow, are you okay," I asked, and the question broke somewhere between my ribs and my mouth because she did not look up, and the quiet she gave me hurt more than any punch I had taken tonight.
Hindi ko napigilan ang galit nang tumingin ako sa kanan at makita si Kiefer na nakatayo na parang hari sa mali niyang kwarto, may ngiting gusto mong punitin dahil sobrang kapal at sobrang yabang.
"Untie me and face me, you coward," I snarled in annoyance, at ramdam ko ang pwersa sa panga ko habang pinipigil ko ang sarili na hindi sumigaw.
"Look at me while I break the story you think you own." Hindi siya kumibo, ngumisi lang, at lalong kumulo ang dugo ko na parang gusto nang kumawala sa balat.
"Enough, Elliot," Avery said, and her voice cut through my anger in a clean straight line that left me exposed. She finally lifted her head but stopped just short of my eyes, and the small shake in her mouth said more than the words she was forcing out.
"W-What does this mean," I asked, and there was nothing left in me to dress the plea as logic. My heart went looking for any reason, even a bad one, anything that could let me keep believing we were the same us we were this morning.
"I need you to breathe and listen," she whispered, and the way her hands gripped the blanket told me she was holding onto something I could not see.
"There are things moving you cannot stop. There are people watching who will hurt you if I give them a reason. I am choosing the only path that keeps you alive." Her voice was steady on the surface and raw underneath, like someone walking barefoot over glass and refusing to look down. I wanted to tell her that I would bleed gladly if it meant she did not have to, but I could not do that to the three men tied beside me.
Napatingin ako sa pulso niya at doon ko nakita ang metal cuff na may maliit na ilaw na kumikislap, simple lang ang itsura pero malinaw ang ibig sabihin. Napansin ko rin ang maliit na remote sa kamay ni Kiefer, may pulang button na hawak niya na parang laruan, at may isang bantay sa gilid na may nakatutok na baril sa mga kaibigan ko.
Doon ko naintindihan kung bakit ang bawat salita ni Avery ay parang hinihila mula sa sugat.
"If you love me, you will stop trying to save me like this," sabi niya, diretso at malinaw, "you will live, you will get our friends out, and you will not die in front of me."
"Ikaw ang target niya, Elliot," dagdag niya sa mababang boses na halos pabulong, "kapag nagkamali ako ng salita, may mawawala sa atin ngayon din. Huwag mong bigyan ng dahilan ang kamay niya na pindutin ang hawak niya."
Tumulo ang luha niya pero pinunasan niya agad, parang ayaw niyang makita kong nababasag siya, at napakagat siya ng labi para putulin ang panginginig. "This is the only way I can hold the line."
Tyron found his voice first and spat words at Kiefer na puno ng galit at paninindigan, and Tyler followed, calling him out for forcing her to perform a lie none of us would ever buy.
Kiefer tilted his head like a bored host and said in a voice that made my skin crawl that we could prove our theory if the Princess would kiss him now.
I felt the world tilt, and I said no with every piece of me that could still make sound, because there are lines that do not deserve to be crossed even for strategy.
"Avery," I begged, and I hated the word begged but I loved her more than my pride.
"You do not have to do this to make me understand." She looked at all of us, then at me, and finally at the floor. She stood like someone lifting a weight that did not belong to her, and she took one step, then another, then another, each one a quiet knife.
I wanted to believe this was a play, that there was a plan inside the plan, that we had a magician's misdirection I had somehow forgotten to memorize.
Lumapit siya kay Kiefer at huminto sa distansyang isang hininga lang ang pagitan, at kahit hindi niya ako tinitingnan ay ramdam ko ang pakiusap niya na intindihin ko ang hindi niya pwedeng sabihin.
"Here is my reason," she said without moving her lips much.
"He holds a dead man's switch, the cuff on me is wired, and the rifle is on your friends. If I refuse, someone you love does not go home. If I comply, you all get time." Hindi ko na kayang magsalita, kaya tumango na lang ako na parang sagot sa dasal na alam kong hindi sapat, at pinilit kong gawing lakas ang sakit na gumuguhit sa loob ko.
She turned her face up and whispered sorry in a voice that had learned how to break quietly, then she pressed her mouth to his and stayed there like a statue that remembered how to cry.
Kiefer kissed her back with triumph that did not deserve a body, and the sight hollowed me out from the inside, yet even in the ruin I saw her fingers curl in the blanket like a signal that she was still herself under the mask.
I closed my eyes for a count, not to pretend it was not happening, but to memorize the sound of my own restraint, because letting her go in that second was the only way to keep her alive long enough to hold her again.
Biglang may sumabog sa labas at kumalat ang tunog ng sigawan, at sunod na pumasok ang mga pulis na nakasuot ng tactical gear habang bumukas ang pinto at bumulaga ang mga ilaw.
May putukan sa hallway at may mga utos na malalakas, at nagtakbuhan ang ilang bantay palabas habang ang iba ay naghanap ng takip. Sumigaw si Kiefer at agad niyang hinila si Avery palayo, hawak pa rin ang remote, hindi pa rin bumibitaw.
"Avery," I shouted as the room splintered into movement, and she turned halfway like a magnet fighting a stronger pull.
"Sorry," her mouth formed, not a whisper, just shape and breath, and she pulled her eyes away like it cost her more than blood.
"Pillow," I said because it was the only word that still meant home, and she flinched like someone hearing music in a war.
Lumakad siya palayo, pinilit na hindi tumingin, at sa pangalawang beses ngayong gabi pinili niya ang direksyon na masakit pero may buhay, hindi ako, hindi kami, kundi ang oras na kailangan para may makaligtas.
Gusto kong sumigaw at humabol at sirain ang tali, pero nakita ko ang pulang ilaw sa pulso niya at ang daliri ni Kiefer sa hawak niyang switch, kaya kinagat ko ang loob ng pisngi ko at pinili kong mabuhay para sa susunod na laban.
At habang bumabagsak ang alikabok at humuhupa ang putok sa labas, alam kong ang susunod na kabanata ay hindi bukas o sa makalawa, kundi sa panahong mas mahaba kaysa gusto ko, at kakayanin ko iyon dahil iyon ang tanging paraan para makabalik sa kanya.
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