From: [email protected]81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9cfmUtW5p4
To: [email protected]81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQbNIZrFJyV
Subject: please tell me you like Helvetica
important question:81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡErCIGCR2KF
how do you feel about fonts?
i ask because my actual groupmate eli (aka The Betrayer) sent his entire breakup text to his ex in freaking Comic Sans.81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7QHbx8denq
it was 6 paragraphs. with emojis.
i feel secondhand heartbreak AND secondhand shame.
— maya81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2m0sHI1yT4
helvetica loyalist
From: [email protected]81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcecOiWwHww
To: [email protected]81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcyPYRd1UwC
Subject: font crimes are real
comic sans?? for a breakup??81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9IL36FaV0t
he deserves jail. like... maximum security. solitary confinement with only wingdings as company.
you’re right to be distressed.
ps: helvetica supremacy.81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3RiSIbHKnQ
pps: do i get to hear the breakup text in full? asking for... educational purposes.
— eli81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC5q8O2F4lD
font snob & emotionally nosy
From: [email protected]81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDp05ql2ikG
To: [email protected]81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡelyYCBTIK4
Subject: for academic suffering only
fine. you brought this upon yourself.
[BEGIN TEXT DUMP]
“hey babe 🥺 i just think we’re like, not vibing anymore 😔81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmhN7jBYZ5U
i’ll always care abt u but i gotta find myself.81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDWWqcOCRVI
ur amazing 💕 don’t let anyone tell u diff.81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIuYySHzmdw
also i still want my hoodie back lol 💔”81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg5HWrErQru
[END SUFFERING]
i’m genuinely unwell. my skin crawled.
— maya
From: [email protected]81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtnHd0vRSLC
To: [email protected]81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC9emFhWEZt
Subject: oh no.
MAYA.81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKa3qIbzYa0
that man committed emotional damage and aesthetic violence in one go.
🥺 + Comic Sans + “lol” in a breakup???81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfDJJAVIc6f
my soul just left my body.
i vote we ban him from fonts. and feelings.
— eli
From: [email protected]81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW7ueyovdl2
To: [email protected]81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMgpHbJGXe8
Subject: font ban confirmed
i hereby sentence him to only use Papyrus.81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzWaZRFQMne
and never speak of feelings again.81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtRyPWjqEma
the hoodie has been burned for symbolic healing. 🔥
question:81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2CnZtkhrR0
what would you write in a breakup text?81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPGsbWZNFs3
(no pressure. purely hypothetical. totally not judging.)
— maya81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsmBfBALdmV
font judge, emotional auditor
From: [email protected]81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUqlF6V0Z97
To: [email protected]81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkglWBQJx8t
Subject: okay wow pressure much
okay this feels like a trap but fine.
i’d probably go for something honest.81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkHaYk3ifJy
not a novel. no 🥺 emojis. something like:
“this isn’t easy. you’re someone i care about deeply,81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQxzZqjvzCQ
but i’m not in the right place to give you what you deserve.81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzxmPVDWBAX
i hope you find someone who can.”
then i’d ghost myself out of embarrassment.
is that... too sincere for an email friendship?
— eli
From: [email protected]81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMjzkSQzgJn
To: [email protected]81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW68UN20wT5
Subject: okay rude now i’m feeling things
eli.81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSFkPUbR9cm
that was weirdly lovely.81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMKgaf3D1yx
and now i feel weird for judging people who cry at fonts.
also: are we email friends now?81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu5aPI6335G
was there a form i missed?81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ01StztCWIr
should i be sending muffins?
— maya81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo0P1QjsIkj
emotionally compromised, probably baking
From: [email protected]81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfZWQycuuwZ
To: [email protected]81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlHNLafXAno
Subject: it’s official
congrats.81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5u03tHYywi
you are now contractually my accidental email friend.81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNohhzOtM7f
no muffins required, just vibes and inbox chaos.
although.81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpFaps3YomK
if you did bake, i wouldn’t say no.
— eli81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE5HUvTWaCs
friend of font victims
81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz6CB8soHxL
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