前陣子,讀完鈴鈴卷的《真神轉生》,來跟大家分享一下心得。172Please respect copyright.PENANAPQQbDnlIDj
172Please respect copyright.PENANAgiIa7Wrw42
172Please respect copyright.PENANAjUNMFR7lnX
整體來說,故事挺有趣的。會想看女主角又得到什麼外掛,跟陸哥之間會有怎樣的發展。172Please respect copyright.PENANA3UXoICub4B
172Please respect copyright.PENANA8lxHqhqEjj
172Please respect copyright.PENANAQjpZStnGzw
對於新角色高瑞淵和松勇的設計也蠻讓人記憶深刻的(一個像是跟蹤狂,一個像是偏執狂)。172Please respect copyright.PENANAhGjMcGJ37U
172Please respect copyright.PENANArdk0PCs2GA
172Please respect copyright.PENANAbGNlLkdGBe
我覺得鈴鈴在設計人物上很有巧思。172Please respect copyright.PENANAAH2QWTFqOG
172Please respect copyright.PENANAzSkoulpYBr
172Please respect copyright.PENANASGwBRDuUYW
硬要說的話,本作的行文有時會不太流暢……句子與句子之間的邏輯關係有時會跳脫一下,不過這也只能靠臨摹和自我覺察來調整了。172Please respect copyright.PENANAcvd5b0TVul
172Please respect copyright.PENANAEB7Bgb2UZ7
172Please respect copyright.PENANAuq71zPXeo0
另外,在主線上可以更明確一點。172Please respect copyright.PENANAlF1rQBSoR7
172Please respect copyright.PENANAEHFqAEu8Oy
172Please respect copyright.PENANA8BdbRMwMrg
女主角要修練,就得有個理由,看是要加強生存,或者像現在這樣,準備救人。172Please respect copyright.PENANAakHdvklreh
172Please respect copyright.PENANAM31SmWduBj
172Please respect copyright.PENANAkJqaNomWLQ
而在故事發展上,可以針對女主過去跟那個朋友之間,到底為何變得關係親密,那位友人對她來說是個怎樣的存在,往這方面描寫。172Please respect copyright.PENANAigP4T0kVSp
172Please respect copyright.PENANAisgKUszZze
172Please respect copyright.PENANAD4XFtpsJ6y
先用劇情(看是要回顧,還是在見面時鋪一下)刻劃了兩人的關係,然後再強化救人的點。172Please respect copyright.PENANASfNAStL6ON
172Please respect copyright.PENANAVepbocCDTr
172Please respect copyright.PENANAHWqjika2sI
而在過程中,女主角的能力想必不夠,這時再刻畫她怎麼變強。而在這之中,女主角有哪些改變。172Please respect copyright.PENANAnr68tdJ7Rw
172Please respect copyright.PENANA4uuciv8SFL
172Please respect copyright.PENANA99bTno2eUS
根據我對女主角的理解,她不相信別人。那麼是不是後面的某個任務,或者在救人時有個重要環節需要團隊合作,需要相信其他隊友。172Please respect copyright.PENANAMZcDqiWykD
172Please respect copyright.PENANAsRZ1cQNWKf
172Please respect copyright.PENANACK60UAMdIu
而女主角作出改變。她將部分擔子交到他人手上,然後專心面對眼前的敵人。172Please respect copyright.PENANAZfAcm0Ldfg
172Please respect copyright.PENANAiK1g0PFKZM
172Please respect copyright.PENANAFuUXtv8xif
而這也使得她的能力、法力變更強,有所突破之類的。172Please respect copyright.PENANAXcdvjSX3FQ
172Please respect copyright.PENANAwZb6Nnfl8Z
172Please respect copyright.PENANACxIUe37wdN
而關於第二個重要角色,陸哥。172Please respect copyright.PENANAq9MgbUz9MA
172Please respect copyright.PENANAX8elZVyAek
172Please respect copyright.PENANAhHHVhg1ng1
目前給人的感覺是,他被捲入爭權奪利,並且正在尋找某個靈。同時,還被人施加了蠱毒。172Please respect copyright.PENANAqWTCmTe3O7
172Please respect copyright.PENANABYUI5HfYgG
172Please respect copyright.PENANAxxtiIm2gd4
可以在某一段更清楚描述他後面的打算、目標,以及面對他目前的情勢有什麼想法。172Please respect copyright.PENANA0aCtidLNu2
172Please respect copyright.PENANAW78Ud6xJxY
172Please respect copyright.PENANAusRXuxBVfi
我似乎也沒看到陸哥想解毒XD 這中間感覺有什麼不對勁。172Please respect copyright.PENANAfpUR8Eavqe
172Please respect copyright.PENANAB7ZYPdMONL
172Please respect copyright.PENANAjNOdU5GQUg
另外,在他跟那條龍的互動上……雖然兩人無法直接互動。但或許龍可以用其他方式幫助他。172Please respect copyright.PENANAdxY2MZGLoD
172Please respect copyright.PENANAwohCKxI2Cq
172Please respect copyright.PENANAmP5Rif6wxK
像是有敵人來的時候會感應到,或者有什麼其他協助陸哥的手段。172Please respect copyright.PENANAo4xkrKRb3k
172Please respect copyright.PENANAyg0HcXWugs
172Please respect copyright.PENANACjY4ygYbKW
總之,就是確立各個人物行動的主軸。有時光靠對話沒辦法補充到的,需要用說式寫法補充,強化人物的背景跟行動的連結。172Please respect copyright.PENANALKHh1qd586
172Please respect copyright.PENANATHi4XuG670
172Please respect copyright.PENANAGHRNruW6PB
換言之,就是動機、行動。需要好好表示出來。這樣會比較能讓人抓準這個人到底想幹嘛。172Please respect copyright.PENANAHST1ZMojbr
172Please respect copyright.PENANAetGBz8Ky94
172Please respect copyright.PENANAPDwULeNWsQ
而在出現許多登場人物的長篇故事裡,用說式鋪設人物背景和心境、行為動機,就是蠻重要的點。172Please respect copyright.PENANA0E2Wmwb2Uq
172Please respect copyright.PENANAhOJsL8nS7j
172Please respect copyright.PENANAa0B8kYi54D
如果每個都要用演的,有時反而會演不清楚。需要掌握敘述跟演出的平衡。172Please respect copyright.PENANAJ706SXA1YY
172Please respect copyright.PENANAHOl9bw0TgD
172Please respect copyright.PENANAENeBMSYosl
另外,稍微補充一點。172Please respect copyright.PENANA1v1T2QCUA3
172Please respect copyright.PENANAtGinOTa9mr
172Please respect copyright.PENANAKswFV4FnpM
由於劇情稍顯散亂,可以將某一段劇情規劃為同一個篇章。172Please respect copyright.PENANArpkVTYg80S
172Please respect copyright.PENANAb8mr7o7m1y
172Please respect copyright.PENANALozoqdSoAA
(以下都我隨便舉的)172Please respect copyright.PENANAfbrLZeOSXB
172Please respect copyright.PENANAE3un15D1kX
例如:172Please respect copyright.PENANADSTCnPmcu1
172Please respect copyright.PENANA3xTHMHmHak
〈軍校篇〉女主角的目標是隱藏身分,並修練到初始境界,然而,正當她準備渡劫時,身分卻忽然曝光,因此迎來戰鬥。
172Please respect copyright.PENANAXppugb08Fs
〈陸哥解咒篇〉不知什麼影響,陸哥的蠱毒忽然發作。同時,女主要跨越新境界,需要取出陸哥身上的毒蟲。恰好此時,女主聽聞到新的解蠱情報。為了逼出毒蟲,女主前往新的境地。172Please respect copyright.PENANASJk1h9hk4Y
172Please respect copyright.PENANAIHGN3TvbuH
172Please respect copyright.PENANAwXXZOZSeeO
〈皇位篇〉陸哥康復後,朝臣大為震驚。而支持他的貴族也變多。這時,跟陸哥競爭皇位的某皇子偷襲陸哥,女主抓到這名刺客後,逼問出他們打算藉著陸哥身上的神器(龍爺)來搜尋鳳靈的下落。172Please respect copyright.PENANA5hSYJGRKRi
172Please respect copyright.PENANAYWnMl16sE1
172Please respect copyright.PENANAymcMmb1kuY
傳聞中,同時得到龍靈和鳳靈的人可居皇位。在女主的逼問下,龍爺終於說出隱藏已久的情報,女主為了讓鳳靈強化自己的寶書,竟然願意幫助陸哥前往搜尋鳳靈。172Please respect copyright.PENANASGyxhEddHH
172Please respect copyright.PENANAhG4UXZFv1C
172Please respect copyright.PENANAeLAgTuNGe2
像這樣子,讓每章的重點都扣在一個主題上,觀眾也比較懂這段在講什麼。172Please respect copyright.PENANAtqw8k6D2bi
172Please respect copyright.PENANAvVYtwpwQhl
172Please respect copyright.PENANASxMDOXYJk3
目前原作的走法,原以為會過上軍校生活,結果忽然開始得罪人,然後逃亡。其實會比較沒有記憶點,可以參考看看。172Please respect copyright.PENANAO0oilYawZJ
172Please respect copyright.PENANANj0IGlulEO
172Please respect copyright.PENANAnVYooaKRlY
上述的舉例,鈴鈴能發現,女主角跟陸哥都會有動機,以及行動。將這樣的主軸抓好,故事走向會明確很多。172Please respect copyright.PENANA9vm0dsu0Xf
172Please respect copyright.PENANA6HqOg3cJpg
172Please respect copyright.PENANABdKvlNXUwO
當然,女主的功力要在哪個階段成長,都可以自行規劃。172Please respect copyright.PENANAiMazD9hARP
172Please respect copyright.PENANAvbVWni7Qru
172Please respect copyright.PENANABJjrjQPMNY
大概是這種感覺。172Please respect copyright.PENANAX0fGXMadGG
172Please respect copyright.PENANAw9kKhJuzzb
172Please respect copyright.PENANAk3qjU0DhBJ
有興趣的讀者歡迎讀讀看。172Please respect copyright.PENANACLY81Kw3zv
172Please respect copyright.PENANAtZ9dtDBF1Z
172Please respect copyright.PENANAeE6QjT5Md8
penana.com/story/118816/真神轉生