前陣子，讀完鈴鈴卷的《真神轉生》，來跟大家分享一下心得。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrKjX2j9wjJ
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKjZso1KApe
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整體來說，故事挺有趣的。會想看女主角又得到什麼外掛，跟陸哥之間會有怎樣的發展。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbD9tcGbbTZ
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDliaYCxdV5
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對於新角色高瑞淵和松勇的設計也蠻讓人記憶深刻的（一個像是跟蹤狂，一個像是偏執狂）。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6NoLacDsfa
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmNqzqYleqi
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我覺得鈴鈴在設計人物上很有巧思。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn5JfonCoRj
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5B8aaxHMbe
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硬要說的話，本作的行文有時會不太流暢……句子與句子之間的邏輯關係有時會跳脫一下，不過這也只能靠臨摹和自我覺察來調整了。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ25sSIzUPE2
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另外，在主線上可以更明確一點。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQoidmAzwhN
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女主角要修練，就得有個理由，看是要加強生存，或者像現在這樣，準備救人。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUUW92dG3oc
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnygsTARJ6p
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPlX8MPRWlC
而在故事發展上，可以針對女主過去跟那個朋友之間，到底為何變得關係親密，那位友人對她來說是個怎樣的存在，往這方面描寫。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwvpqclE3ak
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4hSqL2ImEV
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先用劇情（看是要回顧，還是在見面時鋪一下）刻劃了兩人的關係，然後再強化救人的點。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhjC0CM7F1f
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN6iFJnBzTI
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwHQPsgCZp9
而在過程中，女主角的能力想必不夠，這時再刻畫她怎麼變強。而在這之中，女主角有哪些改變。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIrnnrK0YjL
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdUYDB3Uhnl
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6pQftJtQYL
根據我對女主角的理解，她不相信別人。那麼是不是後面的某個任務，或者在救人時有個重要環節需要團隊合作，需要相信其他隊友。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI6ghTkZRxv
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCIKB7kAdJi
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而女主角作出改變。她將部分擔子交到他人手上，然後專心面對眼前的敵人。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHmZUKcj9jx
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3zY7wR7Bq4
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsPqRKphjdo
而這也使得她的能力、法力變更強，有所突破之類的。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGT95bPGARN
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg0vj1bEjKQ
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxA4Bj7FF3F
而關於第二個重要角色，陸哥。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5QJJcSqOd4
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目前給人的感覺是，他被捲入爭權奪利，並且正在尋找某個靈。同時，還被人施加了蠱毒。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuEtf1JSd8f
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnUXkVPgl1O
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可以在某一段更清楚描述他後面的打算、目標，以及面對他目前的情勢有什麼想法。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHHWsuLj2II
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEvlTZ7bhR2
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwt5pxc2EIT
我似乎也沒看到陸哥想解毒ＸＤ 這中間感覺有什麼不對勁。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ484LP2oYU9
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1khx8KjxK6
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHDzT3n4IJF
另外，在他跟那條龍的互動上……雖然兩人無法直接互動。但或許龍可以用其他方式幫助他。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIz21qGoLo3
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuBfT7XRNdg
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQGp8KQhX69
像是有敵人來的時候會感應到，或者有什麼其他協助陸哥的手段。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjWC5lpeA5h
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHoMU0t7poM
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡroUiecMsaA
總之，就是確立各個人物行動的主軸。有時光靠對話沒辦法補充到的，需要用說式寫法補充，強化人物的背景跟行動的連結。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNd2Jvhr9LZ
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYtd8XnpjAP
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換言之，就是動機、行動。需要好好表示出來。這樣會比較能讓人抓準這個人到底想幹嘛。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgSpqoMaRDr
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而在出現許多登場人物的長篇故事裡，用說式鋪設人物背景和心境、行為動機，就是蠻重要的點。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhaoCYKz9uz
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如果每個都要用演的，有時反而會演不清楚。需要掌握敘述跟演出的平衡。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ4k7LlxxBL
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另外，稍微補充一點。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4cHuAW9gjY
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeeXx5CjE3i
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由於劇情稍顯散亂，可以將某一段劇情規劃為同一個篇章。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJrzPOh7odn
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw6KTS6Mlfh
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（以下都我隨便舉的）472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRfZQ0f9BDB
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例如：472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTYAcl3wPzw
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcGkWQnjz3M
〈軍校篇〉女主角的目標是隱藏身分，並修練到初始境界，然而，正當她準備渡劫時，身分卻忽然曝光，因此迎來戰鬥。
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrNcWvTUDe2
〈陸哥解咒篇〉不知什麼影響，陸哥的蠱毒忽然發作。同時，女主要跨越新境界，需要取出陸哥身上的毒蟲。恰好此時，女主聽聞到新的解蠱情報。為了逼出毒蟲，女主前往新的境地。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgt2NCYsQUe
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〈皇位篇〉陸哥康復後，朝臣大為震驚。而支持他的貴族也變多。這時，跟陸哥競爭皇位的某皇子偷襲陸哥，女主抓到這名刺客後，逼問出他們打算藉著陸哥身上的神器（龍爺）來搜尋鳳靈的下落。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBhD3OLYPZX
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472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgZNlP39L6U
傳聞中，同時得到龍靈和鳳靈的人可居皇位。在女主的逼問下，龍爺終於說出隱藏已久的情報，女主為了讓鳳靈強化自己的寶書，竟然願意幫助陸哥前往搜尋鳳靈。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0fuIARenES
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLjniUldGYJ
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3K97F0x2xc
像這樣子，讓每章的重點都扣在一個主題上，觀眾也比較懂這段在講什麼。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhHcrdL3APh
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWkAuvMmwGF
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目前原作的走法，原以為會過上軍校生活，結果忽然開始得罪人，然後逃亡。其實會比較沒有記憶點，可以參考看看。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ86oW6E0kz5
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqqkF4uQhQY
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上述的舉例，鈴鈴能發現，女主角跟陸哥都會有動機，以及行動。將這樣的主軸抓好，故事走向會明確很多。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvQ5RdPZDvB
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLR596YROd5
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當然，女主的功力要在哪個階段成長，都可以自行規劃。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaE0w4BOY7m
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbJRlRwAYmG
472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmG8Kk6QdiB
大概是這種感覺。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN0Bncjmd3W
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472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ269qrJFj48
有興趣的讀者歡迎讀讀看。472Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzdtAPjSV6q
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