前陣子，讀完鈴鈴卷的《真神轉生》，來跟大家分享一下心得。669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUXYSAyTvi9
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2f605mcK0s
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整體來說，故事挺有趣的。會想看女主角又得到什麼外掛，跟陸哥之間會有怎樣的發展。669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVq7i2Zq1WP
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXKanzwqQjg
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ60Typ1FRrb
對於新角色高瑞淵和松勇的設計也蠻讓人記憶深刻的（一個像是跟蹤狂，一個像是偏執狂）。669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbrTLWpFkIb
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6kjFiyjJjv
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg4sdnTV7kZ
我覺得鈴鈴在設計人物上很有巧思。669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmMHfydiNTN
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtGDvw5tsrr
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDUEVekzwET
硬要說的話，本作的行文有時會不太流暢……句子與句子之間的邏輯關係有時會跳脫一下，不過這也只能靠臨摹和自我覺察來調整了。669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkPEJHVAppD
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoaXcwbXOmr
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTpuZXQDOER
另外，在主線上可以更明確一點。669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6ZX8xzv7iQ
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvvDABqOiCv
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGXhQ1b7qF1
女主角要修練，就得有個理由，看是要加強生存，或者像現在這樣，準備救人。669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQr51ONx40J
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRe3zC9sS9r
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwAnSh2siUY
而在故事發展上，可以針對女主過去跟那個朋友之間，到底為何變得關係親密，那位友人對她來說是個怎樣的存在，往這方面描寫。669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrHqRHcPP1x
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLmkM1t2wTS
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgkCQL8leT3
先用劇情（看是要回顧，還是在見面時鋪一下）刻劃了兩人的關係，然後再強化救人的點。669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ86QsWNFyz7
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡntKQLFvEoj
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgDyWBPecEI
而在過程中，女主角的能力想必不夠，這時再刻畫她怎麼變強。而在這之中，女主角有哪些改變。669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6OFSy7wBuz
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs6w2qDqhHz
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ155Ks6oUAB
根據我對女主角的理解，她不相信別人。那麼是不是後面的某個任務，或者在救人時有個重要環節需要團隊合作，需要相信其他隊友。669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkCRwid8BhD
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlTELJeKj8K
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXRuj70zPaE
而女主角作出改變。她將部分擔子交到他人手上，然後專心面對眼前的敵人。669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX1dWo0W83j
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmZRU2YgFsq
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而這也使得她的能力、法力變更強，有所突破之類的。669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFrKBHWNLbL
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzuB4IH7D7X
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRpP76yqaex
而關於第二個重要角色，陸哥。669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡboNXLiZPan
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ2RvXGtgly
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPBBn4aRZ2c
目前給人的感覺是，他被捲入爭權奪利，並且正在尋找某個靈。同時，還被人施加了蠱毒。669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHVnLboMhs0
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMxT0uKBnMH
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqTTiTYEqSS
可以在某一段更清楚描述他後面的打算、目標，以及面對他目前的情勢有什麼想法。669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjETKlDJJy8
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzo9LDCFHe5
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpbBXfD1WPK
我似乎也沒看到陸哥想解毒ＸＤ 這中間感覺有什麼不對勁。669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGVovqPgQg0
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡshDtSIqnAg
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡacwyycf3DY
另外，在他跟那條龍的互動上……雖然兩人無法直接互動。但或許龍可以用其他方式幫助他。669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5gxygA0uE2
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLrKbYroHMK
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfnwpK3gAIL
像是有敵人來的時候會感應到，或者有什麼其他協助陸哥的手段。669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm4VyxkL1DP
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2DPtXworSR
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKRETMKHSir
總之，就是確立各個人物行動的主軸。有時光靠對話沒辦法補充到的，需要用說式寫法補充，強化人物的背景跟行動的連結。669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡECHAxlJvfz
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9dWiMtJ6tf
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKz6kBS73Px
換言之，就是動機、行動。需要好好表示出來。這樣會比較能讓人抓準這個人到底想幹嘛。669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmXQgBtb8am
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4j8GM2dY46
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFv2KFu8seQ
而在出現許多登場人物的長篇故事裡，用說式鋪設人物背景和心境、行為動機，就是蠻重要的點。669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV1aY5cLs06
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRdO77YcLxc
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkp353ry2Ld
如果每個都要用演的，有時反而會演不清楚。需要掌握敘述跟演出的平衡。669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0i4ksebTNa
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Uo0HgVHby
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQMw1bQg9lk
另外，稍微補充一點。669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG9hSkGLr7s
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKuYHQFxyOi
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmzxFJ0JGU7
由於劇情稍顯散亂，可以將某一段劇情規劃為同一個篇章。669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB8vdJyCy08
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡudVDgbHndZ
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjfRuL0EnTD
（以下都我隨便舉的）669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXeZGHZ54R5
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8CrU1QSBH7
例如：669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGllHSTcL4s
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkXUiGy19cx
〈軍校篇〉女主角的目標是隱藏身分，並修練到初始境界，然而，正當她準備渡劫時，身分卻忽然曝光，因此迎來戰鬥。
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx42nmGC17C
〈陸哥解咒篇〉不知什麼影響，陸哥的蠱毒忽然發作。同時，女主要跨越新境界，需要取出陸哥身上的毒蟲。恰好此時，女主聽聞到新的解蠱情報。為了逼出毒蟲，女主前往新的境地。669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdp6uVt4wPZ
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf7BsXHr9dp
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5wdvpbIpBe
〈皇位篇〉陸哥康復後，朝臣大為震驚。而支持他的貴族也變多。這時，跟陸哥競爭皇位的某皇子偷襲陸哥，女主抓到這名刺客後，逼問出他們打算藉著陸哥身上的神器（龍爺）來搜尋鳳靈的下落。669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMMqfijAjDF
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt8DlbtGd1n
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5QGYIVQQ9g
傳聞中，同時得到龍靈和鳳靈的人可居皇位。在女主的逼問下，龍爺終於說出隱藏已久的情報，女主為了讓鳳靈強化自己的寶書，竟然願意幫助陸哥前往搜尋鳳靈。669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3T6JUheU0v
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7k2Hrkoatk
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3GcZcanInu
像這樣子，讓每章的重點都扣在一個主題上，觀眾也比較懂這段在講什麼。669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjry4GajxOs
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ1qSA1w3et
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡltPp0IUaHh
目前原作的走法，原以為會過上軍校生活，結果忽然開始得罪人，然後逃亡。其實會比較沒有記憶點，可以參考看看。669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ01EXgKrGtF
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzIGs1A8wgK
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNMGEIl9zgM
上述的舉例，鈴鈴能發現，女主角跟陸哥都會有動機，以及行動。將這樣的主軸抓好，故事走向會明確很多。669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhnnyf2vOmA
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKVNawLnGsL
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB6sLtA6IAq
當然，女主的功力要在哪個階段成長，都可以自行規劃。669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKu02PSA2B1
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw00dxbHl7G
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大概是這種感覺。669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeBKtTtTxjv
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4MjvoJMosI
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT81BSfJRH1
有興趣的讀者歡迎讀讀看。669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk1Ms4rQN7Q
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKOYvGWXxkk
669Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLi6FKIAeJQ
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