前陣子，讀完鈴鈴卷的《真神轉生》，來跟大家分享一下心得。384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyljF2ZNmhA
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384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjwDOuzy5b9
整體來說，故事挺有趣的。會想看女主角又得到什麼外掛，跟陸哥之間會有怎樣的發展。384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYCw9TWjfCj
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對於新角色高瑞淵和松勇的設計也蠻讓人記憶深刻的（一個像是跟蹤狂，一個像是偏執狂）。384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMM0AFGQn9M
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我覺得鈴鈴在設計人物上很有巧思。384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ54M7ildf4l
384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSJt9LsTIYd
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硬要說的話，本作的行文有時會不太流暢……句子與句子之間的邏輯關係有時會跳脫一下，不過這也只能靠臨摹和自我覺察來調整了。384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXOO6zwm4V5
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另外，在主線上可以更明確一點。384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBx52TNFeWs
384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ510DLtR6rC
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女主角要修練，就得有個理由，看是要加強生存，或者像現在這樣，準備救人。384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡchJCPomCO3
384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH6uhk7jeQn
384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSw8jrQr92z
而在故事發展上，可以針對女主過去跟那個朋友之間，到底為何變得關係親密，那位友人對她來說是個怎樣的存在，往這方面描寫。384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD00zZgx1tl
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先用劇情（看是要回顧，還是在見面時鋪一下）刻劃了兩人的關係，然後再強化救人的點。384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZR7psrtNiu
384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKutPJXXDZs
384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ZUmltdSzx
而在過程中，女主角的能力想必不夠，這時再刻畫她怎麼變強。而在這之中，女主角有哪些改變。384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTX6oXy2SnX
384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWFeIFKfevR
384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmlqy8H8155
根據我對女主角的理解，她不相信別人。那麼是不是後面的某個任務，或者在救人時有個重要環節需要團隊合作，需要相信其他隊友。384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQwljsFzjxL
384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXnKOmMmO6h
384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNZh5gcWx1U
而女主角作出改變。她將部分擔子交到他人手上，然後專心面對眼前的敵人。384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFeeVc7tdfy
384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDC5fMx56Oh
384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqAVV6pB36J
而這也使得她的能力、法力變更強，有所突破之類的。384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO3NeXDgU8I
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而關於第二個重要角色，陸哥。384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ15L96dzsWZ
384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo09ZLbV53s
384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIsxIQbuFpP
目前給人的感覺是，他被捲入爭權奪利，並且正在尋找某個靈。同時，還被人施加了蠱毒。384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHVbRfd7tWV
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可以在某一段更清楚描述他後面的打算、目標，以及面對他目前的情勢有什麼想法。384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvijeyLQ2sQ
384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBL00Ly4eWx
384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYQzWwPszxQ
我似乎也沒看到陸哥想解毒ＸＤ 這中間感覺有什麼不對勁。384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbefxd9UgjB
384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOaAF03SESi
384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnP1R6ee159
另外，在他跟那條龍的互動上……雖然兩人無法直接互動。但或許龍可以用其他方式幫助他。384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPb2I9eJmLU
384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCtYOgPHHRZ
384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnrqEi7n0Of
像是有敵人來的時候會感應到，或者有什麼其他協助陸哥的手段。384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡthI69gC0yb
384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTWkDq9EC61
384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8A88oAFsFu
總之，就是確立各個人物行動的主軸。有時光靠對話沒辦法補充到的，需要用說式寫法補充，強化人物的背景跟行動的連結。384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqTlbOwyj8n
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換言之，就是動機、行動。需要好好表示出來。這樣會比較能讓人抓準這個人到底想幹嘛。384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVaKWaL0aGh
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而在出現許多登場人物的長篇故事裡，用說式鋪設人物背景和心境、行為動機，就是蠻重要的點。384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJWTY5UISPG
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如果每個都要用演的，有時反而會演不清楚。需要掌握敘述跟演出的平衡。384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsSH7fct8xi
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另外，稍微補充一點。384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl0701n4Yun
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由於劇情稍顯散亂，可以將某一段劇情規劃為同一個篇章。384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGNh5AylWw5
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（以下都我隨便舉的）384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRNadKHrhQK
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例如：384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPq5V1pPNYk
384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9w30fUFspK
〈軍校篇〉女主角的目標是隱藏身分，並修練到初始境界，然而，正當她準備渡劫時，身分卻忽然曝光，因此迎來戰鬥。
384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhT4EaC8Ck7
〈陸哥解咒篇〉不知什麼影響，陸哥的蠱毒忽然發作。同時，女主要跨越新境界，需要取出陸哥身上的毒蟲。恰好此時，女主聽聞到新的解蠱情報。為了逼出毒蟲，女主前往新的境地。384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQzJupxmFHg
384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSSr2EKVbOa
384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRbCiiQ22EF
〈皇位篇〉陸哥康復後，朝臣大為震驚。而支持他的貴族也變多。這時，跟陸哥競爭皇位的某皇子偷襲陸哥，女主抓到這名刺客後，逼問出他們打算藉著陸哥身上的神器（龍爺）來搜尋鳳靈的下落。384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5FGuIsqXf8
384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOHX21K75Lg
384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqC2HJj7uau
傳聞中，同時得到龍靈和鳳靈的人可居皇位。在女主的逼問下，龍爺終於說出隱藏已久的情報，女主為了讓鳳靈強化自己的寶書，竟然願意幫助陸哥前往搜尋鳳靈。384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJDV8hbqlNs
384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw1kcFDGyhL
384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd6IhRZ13X0
像這樣子，讓每章的重點都扣在一個主題上，觀眾也比較懂這段在講什麼。384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ03fzeWsCEP
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384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeoTEN39f85
目前原作的走法，原以為會過上軍校生活，結果忽然開始得罪人，然後逃亡。其實會比較沒有記憶點，可以參考看看。384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqZuk8CQrpF
384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeXDaTQ5oie
384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB8aJOrILBA
上述的舉例，鈴鈴能發現，女主角跟陸哥都會有動機，以及行動。將這樣的主軸抓好，故事走向會明確很多。384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcIw2I3kdcJ
384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSllF1cRxN1
384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDhwBhSyFqB
當然，女主的功力要在哪個階段成長，都可以自行規劃。384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkDO40l46WB
384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡumGrNElT0T
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大概是這種感覺。384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtkWohWbnTA
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有興趣的讀者歡迎讀讀看。384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8p6X3Rg1uR
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