前陣子，讀完鈴鈴卷的《真神轉生》，來跟大家分享一下心得。354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxob42vQp7l
354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3uRBa3TyuN
354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF8j6mflEAW
整體來說，故事挺有趣的。會想看女主角又得到什麼外掛，跟陸哥之間會有怎樣的發展。354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl8AwVD4ejc
354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp0PBWsmTPe
354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7s5IJRvLiK
對於新角色高瑞淵和松勇的設計也蠻讓人記憶深刻的（一個像是跟蹤狂，一個像是偏執狂）。354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtfDRssdHMJ
354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdXrokRUlOO
354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3w9rgFlGDu
我覺得鈴鈴在設計人物上很有巧思。354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpjFEYiChtw
354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Na4L46XTF
354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvAQ7jstThu
硬要說的話，本作的行文有時會不太流暢……句子與句子之間的邏輯關係有時會跳脫一下，不過這也只能靠臨摹和自我覺察來調整了。354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0s8bIIKgtv
354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR4L4Vgjo4H
354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡje9uvNGh3T
另外，在主線上可以更明確一點。354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4c0HGgyZ0w
354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdXrBx605Ze
354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAgjpRU4T2F
女主角要修練，就得有個理由，看是要加強生存，或者像現在這樣，準備救人。354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaDgTBBE6V7
354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaYTqZK5Io7
354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTGMhPSVYfS
而在故事發展上，可以針對女主過去跟那個朋友之間，到底為何變得關係親密，那位友人對她來說是個怎樣的存在，往這方面描寫。354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNgJmbQn6aZ
354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ50pxgsTo2Z
354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMs6KAqrIja
先用劇情（看是要回顧，還是在見面時鋪一下）刻劃了兩人的關係，然後再強化救人的點。354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS2hDcU5LnC
354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIcbjnO3GWR
354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCyZhh5Uw7H
而在過程中，女主角的能力想必不夠，這時再刻畫她怎麼變強。而在這之中，女主角有哪些改變。354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBpTVZv4zo0
354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDkQeJK7teI
354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtkHh6hLvZC
根據我對女主角的理解，她不相信別人。那麼是不是後面的某個任務，或者在救人時有個重要環節需要團隊合作，需要相信其他隊友。354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡISgmkButhI
354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpbT2sHZIUa
354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7mG7Cn3tUV
而女主角作出改變。她將部分擔子交到他人手上，然後專心面對眼前的敵人。354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgsNMbWjCah
354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCpWhZHAi6v
354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhQjAoqXUx6
而這也使得她的能力、法力變更強，有所突破之類的。354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBYVAKWFPBX
354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9RMHeLu2Q4
354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUgeZoPaduP
而關於第二個重要角色，陸哥。354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE4eNUmYAUW
354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvban4B26IE
354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeTzSMzudx9
目前給人的感覺是，他被捲入爭權奪利，並且正在尋找某個靈。同時，還被人施加了蠱毒。354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaBKKSzOmui
354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxTbJWrVdsn
354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyvCCCp2lD7
可以在某一段更清楚描述他後面的打算、目標，以及面對他目前的情勢有什麼想法。354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwQstpzGL1I
354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBxcbWOUuXb
354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTd3jpZ8HCj
我似乎也沒看到陸哥想解毒ＸＤ 這中間感覺有什麼不對勁。354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbIj4UrTy1D
354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOX78zUFSb1
354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYUroS6uUqy
另外，在他跟那條龍的互動上……雖然兩人無法直接互動。但或許龍可以用其他方式幫助他。354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRZM4I96a83
354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC1K35uGq7F
354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsct92saEev
像是有敵人來的時候會感應到，或者有什麼其他協助陸哥的手段。354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8HI6k9IbDA
354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUCa6Pz26Fq
354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDmtizV3FsD
總之，就是確立各個人物行動的主軸。有時光靠對話沒辦法補充到的，需要用說式寫法補充，強化人物的背景跟行動的連結。354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDgUSW4ohCg
354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz4eyuWDFL8
354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtXBiwOe9y8
換言之，就是動機、行動。需要好好表示出來。這樣會比較能讓人抓準這個人到底想幹嘛。354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVfWJ1tJ7AT
354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCfLHkZvkYn
354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvSfxBWWCaj
而在出現許多登場人物的長篇故事裡，用說式鋪設人物背景和心境、行為動機，就是蠻重要的點。354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlZ5xAAxC3B
354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡljng6Sz8lC
354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDeOy0MGB9T
如果每個都要用演的，有時反而會演不清楚。需要掌握敘述跟演出的平衡。354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBfm6X3L9xj
354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZejDPJ40X9
354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxNQDLDy96q
另外，稍微補充一點。354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8OOkWu0LTa
354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrwGu5h1H9G
354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7a7dPfQKjN
由於劇情稍顯散亂，可以將某一段劇情規劃為同一個篇章。354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOqS6EfSXAZ
354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrC8rChgE5r
354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO7nytdNTg5
（以下都我隨便舉的）354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfF9PgsIChN
354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpGNjGbEFeO
例如：354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnVNdwDqNxP
354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZSJ8KH8Csk
〈軍校篇〉女主角的目標是隱藏身分，並修練到初始境界，然而，正當她準備渡劫時，身分卻忽然曝光，因此迎來戰鬥。
354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCg6q3Lgoe5
〈陸哥解咒篇〉不知什麼影響，陸哥的蠱毒忽然發作。同時，女主要跨越新境界，需要取出陸哥身上的毒蟲。恰好此時，女主聽聞到新的解蠱情報。為了逼出毒蟲，女主前往新的境地。354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg8CpxvKCAl
354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDtd1oWBo0E
354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh0nRKLv6v5
〈皇位篇〉陸哥康復後，朝臣大為震驚。而支持他的貴族也變多。這時，跟陸哥競爭皇位的某皇子偷襲陸哥，女主抓到這名刺客後，逼問出他們打算藉著陸哥身上的神器（龍爺）來搜尋鳳靈的下落。354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡopNVjI2BnN
354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZVRXRbBei9
354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcCoFl5jLaa
傳聞中，同時得到龍靈和鳳靈的人可居皇位。在女主的逼問下，龍爺終於說出隱藏已久的情報，女主為了讓鳳靈強化自己的寶書，竟然願意幫助陸哥前往搜尋鳳靈。354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxJfr4mE3DO
354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWKhEXfiiA1
354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmgWNJ7LRO2
像這樣子，讓每章的重點都扣在一個主題上，觀眾也比較懂這段在講什麼。354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBkETLUsOIY
354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGFBjITgJA0
354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxf2pkg6pnf
目前原作的走法，原以為會過上軍校生活，結果忽然開始得罪人，然後逃亡。其實會比較沒有記憶點，可以參考看看。354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQn67DI2kOe
354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmhcqTNK5b4
354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtQnCBBwO9P
上述的舉例，鈴鈴能發現，女主角跟陸哥都會有動機，以及行動。將這樣的主軸抓好，故事走向會明確很多。354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKGv6H7Cqjd
354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcW5XZqU2JN
354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaFejxLG4SW
當然，女主的功力要在哪個階段成長，都可以自行規劃。354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl2JDBQipoG
354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡacdX41j48k
354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDz5F0XzGrq
大概是這種感覺。354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJEJz68sr8b
354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNJgUBK4f8N
354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUctniopRRY
有興趣的讀者歡迎讀讀看。354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTvioaHryk2
354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCwID925oMT
354Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJberJmxjlG
penana.com/story/118816/真神轉生
然後按「加至主畫面」