在很久很久前，大概在中一的時候，林蓁喜歡過一個男生。369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIFJNlSzMsI
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYAkVDOpx5L
當時，她比廿一歲的自己還重四公斤，還戴黑框眼鏡，臉上還有一些痘痘。比起廿一歲，十二歲的她自然是不懂打扮。369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjZ42QCPJAG
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS0AQeWkqrt
那個男生，暫稱他為Y先生，是她的鄰座，平時二人會互相問功課，她文科好，他理科好，因此才打開話題。他和大部分男同學一樣，小息時也會圍在一角，通常玩BS卡，或者約放學後打LOL。369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH5yhrf7J67
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN98e8pJtWy
原本，二人一直不熟，林蓁對Y先生無感，畢竟她平常只和女生玩。369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5XQbikMbrn
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbfBZ6OF0SD
直到，第一次她月經來潮，當時在上課，她只感到下體濕濕的，站起來後，則被後桌的男同學大聲說：369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuF5sM2IXTh
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2qbgcdNZ7N
「你條裙有血！」369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjZqy50XcB5
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhkntjUxCVq
白色的校裙上有一撻小小的跡，還未凝固結塊，像一朵剛開的花。然後，其他人也跟著起哄。369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlK1Cmk7C4E
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBcFbbeJnay
「大個女啦。」369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwkJIL34yIT
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyp03NASC8I
「哎吔，快啲坐返低。」369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVstyyRCo5S
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG7dxnI5q5z
「去廁所清理吓。」369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgJWJPyOTWX
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdnNpi0CjHB
她腦袋一片空白，無法反應，對於自己竟對月經不知所措——更加不知所措。她沒有郁動，等到Y先生脫下毛衣，圍在她腰上，遮住裙子。他拍一拍她，著她去洗手間。369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU01qZSrRXC
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwwmLtFqhIV
自從這一次，她就感到自己好像喜歡了Y先生。369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ73BTwzM9Na
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHI4pJO1XBg
當時心思單純，對一個人有意，就寫在臉上，明明晃晃，無遮無掩。Y先生的笑話不一定好笑，但她一定會笑，而且是盡力地笑，咧開嘴角便見不夠整齊的牙，還會嬌嬌地眉眼彎彎。369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCpg8t0G2PS
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpwRNYY5LPx
早上，她先到校，便自願替他到儲物櫃拿當日要用的書。一年一度的社際運動比賽，她會買飲品、小食給他。總在製造偶遇機會，遲他幾秒出課室去洗手間，然後假裝在路上一同回程，碰見，傾多兩嘴。369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5edjtWsQrl
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEMJ8ODn5ey
好友說她的心意很明顯，她沒有說什麼，只是怯怯地睜大眼，再四處張望，確定身邊沒有人聽見這段對話。369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTuT2Zly5F0
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzdnK1ReQ9c
終於，有一天，放學後，她知道Y先生會留在課室，便打算一起坐在座位上靜靜溫習。369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5qhoLC0kKp
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlYTz6bpFWW
但到她折返課室，聽見他和同學的對話——369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlmPxiBAF4m
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ80fOmyQUfq
「林蓁係咪同你有路？好殷勤喎。」369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUnXroLWzCg
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEWpEbasrdH
「咪係囉，又睇你比賽，又送水又送糧！」369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYux6WNll1e
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEEbRxgArtB
「仲有啲眼神好痴纏，一唔講嘢就笑住咁望你。」369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpEMEzcbS2S
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSLnfQxTgXu
「咦～實係有嘢啦。」369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMdgcqmhpu8
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXinNcXyoxG
她聽見，竟然有點開心。理論上，她在暗戀，可是愛一個人至世上無人知曉，卻是委屈的。她更加期待Y先生的反應。369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKmz68Mel4U
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPoLC4rCsve
只聽見他說：369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡozEDJN6zoY
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ87WpQK8i8H
「吓！咪玩啦，豬扒嚟，我先唔會鍾意佢。」369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6kSGS1Kvbz
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVt2uwF6aHn
林蓁心下一沉。369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0xLSS0hD2J
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAP8qthnStA
「你哋幾親㗎喎。」同學說。369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMwB3zuhrCn
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0awFR0IBmX
她又想，會不會是他口硬？369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlARuLcw7An
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡirkynwF8Es
「佢係都要痴埋嚟咋嘛，呢啲豬閪，我鍾意佢就真係柒頭啦。」369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdP2CSEUlcg
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf2xXDCFSLW
「哇！睇嚟你係柒頭！」同學說。369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEgeylNTsPh
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYeWSJhQZtO
「咪再講，再聽到佢個名我要洗耳。戇鳩，我無可能鍾意佢，寧願打一世飛機。」369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7spUhKbBil
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBwnzqmfP9d
「好過去自瀆啦。」同學說。369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqdGzmaIySs
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMhVim8Gnh3
林蓁和那天月經來潮一樣，無法動彈，臉上也不能反應任何表情。369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSChNhOH5QJ
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPQWzToxQdt
最後，她站了一會兒，轉身離去。369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm3FSNsN9h2
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEcC7cQzyR4
/369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIuSbekmtVc
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyuIwtgYten
翌日，林蓁確實去了買燈泡，但沒有回家。讓父親一人多留在家一天吧——彷彿是一種小小的報復，偏偏只懂得在這些小事上用力。369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgyTvHOEpF0
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf58Psebnm2
她去見了周立沖。369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHUP467n8xs
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKLdys76PJr
一見面，他便說：「今晚不如我煮，你想食咩？」369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRbR567ZYZp
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQus6l0rXKm
三年前，二人一起，他也常常為她下廚。他這樣說，令她感到二人又回到從前戀愛時。不知道為何，世間男子千千萬，而她明知他不必然是良人，卻在他回來時洶湧澎湃，難以自控地傾瀉。369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdnptMptqYh
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtMa5Bd2wbT
「無所謂。」369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ69ZsKI6sjx
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAbkP2MB5ym
她說「無所謂」，是真的無所謂，並非心裡還有其他盤算，希望別人猜中她未講的話語。畢竟她只需將食物放進口便能填飽肚子，有什麼好要求更多；何況，有人願意煮飯——她已經很久沒有吃過住家飯，對上一次，又是他煮。369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7OAecvq8jU
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA4nqOkE55C
家裡沒有飯吃。369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJPdbA4hOdj
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1JXnPAwgHg
「都知你又會話無所謂，咁我話事啦。」369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlBlJdjmi7M
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5qcGMyuxyZ
「你煮咩我都食。」369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPvxfhzM1po
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoDLo4AypAc
「傻瓜。」369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIwTdpwI8v4
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLTk1czTUND
他摸摸她的頭。369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4f9sTVfhoh
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi911vUtRrO
每次，她都對他的溫柔心動，最初，還會不懂反應，但後來便習慣，臉色自如。能夠和他走到今天這一步，她還求什麼。369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh1I93AxHQx
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbB02WRJSgn
如果真的有辛苦的時候，也是她自尋的——369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHbtt8bBOJY
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiMf7GnsjVb
譬如，她是因為喜歡他，才會無法離開這段關係；但他不是，若然情傷已癒，哪需異性的溫柔。他若真的喜歡她，最初又怎會捨棄，或者，現在又怎會回來，由她療傷。可是，即使已有清晰認知，她總想到：反正，青春也是要浪費的，除了自身可以發展的事，感情上，不是花在這個人身上，就是另一個人，倒不如，在遇見更喜歡的人之前，將愛傾瀉到他身上。369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOJP10lHS5V
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGgSVcsnpPf
「快啲煮嘢啦，我好肚餓，嘻嘻。」369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyatDKddmyy
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8eUcjEY0Q5
「不如食咗我先。」369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFW85i69Bzi
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0FZxosq8Wk
「唔要你，成身臭汗。」369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSV7WNTMuZI
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2aqVc4qWQy
可是她又要偽裝成，其實不是非他不可。369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRQ5QhWQ09u
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB0vkdfo8LB
愛時時談論「無論如何」，而她的便是：喜歡他，不過又允諾他隨時離開。369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ32pcA5PP0e
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZW7n6o4ciD
她日夜恍神，反覆在腦海練習有一天，他會遇見愛人或是靈魂伴侶之類的東西，她故作鎮定地點點頭、應應嘴，又有一把畫外音著她好好管理顫抖的臉，不要露出濕潤的聲息。久而久之，她便以為，自己已被好好訓練過，可以接受悲痛的離散。連夢也時時出現他，再時時失落。369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Cz0kthIfg
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAwp06SXjou
不過，幸好，現在他在。369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCdFgzuWZof
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUxr1rv6MvP
心聲太吵鬧，她只能確保自己不要突然發瘋，苛求堅定地被愛。369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCc0Ln487cg
然後按「加至主畫面」