在很久很久前，大概在中一的時候，林蓁喜歡過一個男生。521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL0U7rhVmME
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzeXsyz9PRM
當時，她比廿一歲的自己還重四公斤，還戴黑框眼鏡，臉上還有一些痘痘。比起廿一歲，十二歲的她自然是不懂打扮。521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKqfdrCr5Rr
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEDslv56HnD
那個男生，暫稱他為Y先生，是她的鄰座，平時二人會互相問功課，她文科好，他理科好，因此才打開話題。他和大部分男同學一樣，小息時也會圍在一角，通常玩BS卡，或者約放學後打LOL。521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz0kAA3y2fu
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYzUo97YAWv
原本，二人一直不熟，林蓁對Y先生無感，畢竟她平常只和女生玩。521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡExWVe9ZBJl
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJaucC6YhFG
直到，第一次她月經來潮，當時在上課，她只感到下體濕濕的，站起來後，則被後桌的男同學大聲說：521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnrZ1tNXvRv
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRY7t8bETCz
「你條裙有血！」521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0tKOHL6vWl
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrU4X3xAn2K
白色的校裙上有一撻小小的跡，還未凝固結塊，像一朵剛開的花。然後，其他人也跟著起哄。521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJVs2z38O1y
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs7vWvgZMBa
「大個女啦。」521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWzW5bZwRY6
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX5Auu3jR38
「哎吔，快啲坐返低。」521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKVi3u1r39i
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnKQ3oob0OF
「去廁所清理吓。」521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNWx8E6ByHl
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi1f9O2TpBu
她腦袋一片空白，無法反應，對於自己竟對月經不知所措——更加不知所措。她沒有郁動，等到Y先生脫下毛衣，圍在她腰上，遮住裙子。他拍一拍她，著她去洗手間。521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrHlpBfzA7z
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ82YE0OyUmc
自從這一次，她就感到自己好像喜歡了Y先生。521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWLiP4qNDlW
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfkZLHaRNLY
當時心思單純，對一個人有意，就寫在臉上，明明晃晃，無遮無掩。Y先生的笑話不一定好笑，但她一定會笑，而且是盡力地笑，咧開嘴角便見不夠整齊的牙，還會嬌嬌地眉眼彎彎。521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbc7A2psSkT
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkXrduDtkQ9
早上，她先到校，便自願替他到儲物櫃拿當日要用的書。一年一度的社際運動比賽，她會買飲品、小食給他。總在製造偶遇機會，遲他幾秒出課室去洗手間，然後假裝在路上一同回程，碰見，傾多兩嘴。521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3khKp0syU1
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm9zMGdg5eu
好友說她的心意很明顯，她沒有說什麼，只是怯怯地睜大眼，再四處張望，確定身邊沒有人聽見這段對話。521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡByMzAVaSMr
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ12HQt3xaX1
終於，有一天，放學後，她知道Y先生會留在課室，便打算一起坐在座位上靜靜溫習。521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTWKLTHtrOl
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvkyq2sT1vo
但到她折返課室，聽見他和同學的對話——521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcRXb8vatm6
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpETeQUgqqr
「林蓁係咪同你有路？好殷勤喎。」521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJd3p7ZQZPy
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXFXVec81M1
「咪係囉，又睇你比賽，又送水又送糧！」521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFfUqsaQje6
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNPb8T8paUa
「仲有啲眼神好痴纏，一唔講嘢就笑住咁望你。」521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4CePd7UZni
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyOlSd2jXs9
「咦～實係有嘢啦。」521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7D1NP5rIy2
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡepqpmWGerc
她聽見，竟然有點開心。理論上，她在暗戀，可是愛一個人至世上無人知曉，卻是委屈的。她更加期待Y先生的反應。521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlW71VRPwZc
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHHH3BWWhBU
只聽見他說：521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTkqhCSr0FR
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6PJCJlh9uM
「吓！咪玩啦，豬扒嚟，我先唔會鍾意佢。」521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6xOFiJV8kR
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ186SeB69xa
林蓁心下一沉。521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡesg9qwkEdL
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpg6apZUnpZ
「你哋幾親㗎喎。」同學說。521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnnuYWss7oi
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPWj7Mvo2zh
她又想，會不會是他口硬？521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8jV7WGGxaP
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdBE6dg3BHu
「佢係都要痴埋嚟咋嘛，呢啲豬閪，我鍾意佢就真係柒頭啦。」521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOyzUKV8vz6
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCM3XfhjiJU
「哇！睇嚟你係柒頭！」同學說。521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaMxSOWLS7D
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9YTHnekQNS
「咪再講，再聽到佢個名我要洗耳。戇鳩，我無可能鍾意佢，寧願打一世飛機。」521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd5wFIsA994
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2RiwbtNBNN
「好過去自瀆啦。」同學說。521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4xwbQFUsxp
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSJOP92pftA
林蓁和那天月經來潮一樣，無法動彈，臉上也不能反應任何表情。521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDqmmfMYZQ8
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Zx1LE8Roe
最後，她站了一會兒，轉身離去。521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH56skhnJ3B
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV0dqQhghLx
/521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7RKRkcmEh3
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaLFBm6p7Rh
翌日，林蓁確實去了買燈泡，但沒有回家。讓父親一人多留在家一天吧——彷彿是一種小小的報復，偏偏只懂得在這些小事上用力。521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyb3bv6vuY3
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrvlqHBqhWB
她去見了周立沖。521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTB5PeHD4nh
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiUS0SM2pdg
一見面，他便說：「今晚不如我煮，你想食咩？」521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHgBHY813Sa
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxoSIcJrKFm
三年前，二人一起，他也常常為她下廚。他這樣說，令她感到二人又回到從前戀愛時。不知道為何，世間男子千千萬，而她明知他不必然是良人，卻在他回來時洶湧澎湃，難以自控地傾瀉。521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU5FOcztN3t
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUbO1yt3YaK
「無所謂。」521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl2bgXsrlHR
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCogcEUyGGp
她說「無所謂」，是真的無所謂，並非心裡還有其他盤算，希望別人猜中她未講的話語。畢竟她只需將食物放進口便能填飽肚子，有什麼好要求更多；何況，有人願意煮飯——她已經很久沒有吃過住家飯，對上一次，又是他煮。521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbkBrZUAXnp
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIGnRDnqI7a
家裡沒有飯吃。521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtB6UE5Dia0
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhUfGPfnt1H
「都知你又會話無所謂，咁我話事啦。」521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ15w0mSQjzD
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOGwExsjg91
「你煮咩我都食。」521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmsa0SxSwXu
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3KqugSHXdk
「傻瓜。」521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2VbZ2QYLlI
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNVjU2g4ARZ
他摸摸她的頭。521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ93ykf1kojM
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYGXia6bOK8
每次，她都對他的溫柔心動，最初，還會不懂反應，但後來便習慣，臉色自如。能夠和他走到今天這一步，她還求什麼。521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSQrHsss7VZ
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGZ8YSsiifN
如果真的有辛苦的時候，也是她自尋的——521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEVpOEvtfk8
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjBvaJbuiNC
譬如，她是因為喜歡他，才會無法離開這段關係；但他不是，若然情傷已癒，哪需異性的溫柔。他若真的喜歡她，最初又怎會捨棄，或者，現在又怎會回來，由她療傷。可是，即使已有清晰認知，她總想到：反正，青春也是要浪費的，除了自身可以發展的事，感情上，不是花在這個人身上，就是另一個人，倒不如，在遇見更喜歡的人之前，將愛傾瀉到他身上。521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIfE3LoAbxW
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2zSNRf9NJw
「快啲煮嘢啦，我好肚餓，嘻嘻。」521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWtewqMxQG0
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmG1mqC4JYr
「不如食咗我先。」521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb1NS696gHU
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfaNmU935Fs
「唔要你，成身臭汗。」521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHjFbYmWaKq
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJhmqUuBLvk
可是她又要偽裝成，其實不是非他不可。521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmm30pMmnxd
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs3Fobkp58e
愛時時談論「無論如何」，而她的便是：喜歡他，不過又允諾他隨時離開。521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnD7W7EYmoL
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVT6Vuwxr5n
她日夜恍神，反覆在腦海練習有一天，他會遇見愛人或是靈魂伴侶之類的東西，她故作鎮定地點點頭、應應嘴，又有一把畫外音著她好好管理顫抖的臉，不要露出濕潤的聲息。久而久之，她便以為，自己已被好好訓練過，可以接受悲痛的離散。連夢也時時出現他，再時時失落。521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwmOr06VDJ0
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNpdqLF1K9o
不過，幸好，現在他在。521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdV3ERsTbdF
521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy2k3qBcEWb
心聲太吵鬧，她只能確保自己不要突然發瘋，苛求堅定地被愛。521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHjr1IVKSkb
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