真人真事師生戀《最接近的陌生距離》 - 第五十四章之二

煲粥、執下Miss間屋，搞搞下已經兩個鐘。

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呢兩個鐘裡面我有開返電話，我即刻whatapps蟲蟲，同佢作咗個理由叫佢唔好等我。但係個訊息框仲係標示住佢仲未睇到呢則訊息，令到我實在唔敢諗蟲蟲呢刻係點。

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佢嬲咗我？佢block咗我whatapps? 定係⋯⋯佢仲喺原地等緊我？

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對唔住對唔住對唔住呀！我望住滾緊嘅粥不斷不斷咁自責！

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初初我以為Miss同我分手，我先想同蟲蟲開始。我先大膽同蟲蟲講我鐘意佢！我冇呃佢，我真係鍾意佢。只係呢份愛上面，蟲蟲去唔到Miss Wong 嘅地位。

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而且令我最痛嘅係，蟲蟲嘅愛係建築於對我嘅信任。蟲蟲好相信我係呢信世界上惟一比到佢安全感嘅人！如今我卻⋯⋯

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好痛！我唔只心痛！我隻手⋯⋯都好痛！我望住雙手，明明冇受傷，但卻有隱隱乍現嘅劇痛。我感覺呢種痛係有形狀，好似——牙印！

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係啦！蟲蟲咬我手臂！仲要唔只一次！每當佢失去支撐時、失去安全感時，佢就用咬我去證明我係存在！如今呢份更證明佢愛我係幾咁深，我傷佢有幾咁痛。

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我忍住手臂上無形嘅痛楚，遠望窗外，一片紛亂細雨⋯⋯蟲蟲，我真係唔希望你仲等緊我。

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我可以點做？而家掉低Miss去搵蟲蟲都唔遲掛？

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「低B仔⋯⋯」

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然而，命運經常捉弄我，當我對住Miss時，命運卻又會安排蟲蟲打比我。呢次喺我記起蟲蟲時，命運會安排Miss叫醒我。

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「低B仔⋯⋯」Miss叫聲好弱，皆因兩個鐘頭前我叫佢好好瞓覺休息。

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Miss呢一下呼喚令我從忐忑中回神過嚟，我去到Miss間房，見佢睡眼惺忪坐咗喺床上。

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「咩事呀？」

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「我想嘔呀⋯⋯」

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我本來想扶佢落床去廁所，但見佢谷起個腮咁實嚟唔切啦！於是拿拿聲拎起準備喺佢床邊嘅膠袋比佢嘔餐飽！

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「你咁樣仲點令我放心走呀？」我遞咗張紙巾比佢，我即時打消去見蟲蟲嘅念頭。我真係放心唔落！

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Miss抹完嘴後，佢話：「我以為今日好啲添。最衰都係你。」

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「關我咩事呀？」

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「你頭先啲瘦肉粥好好食，我食得太飽。個胃即刻頂唔順。」Miss眼神散渙，半挨半瞓咁挨喺床前。

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我幫手清理埋啲手尾後，開咗啲葡萄糖水比佢。我坐喺床前，佢就成個人挨晒落我身度，就話：「唔要食粥呀。」

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「葡萄糖水嚟架。你再嘔就暈低架啦。」我邊餵佢邊講。

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「啲粥煲好啦？」

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「係呀。」

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「咁你走啦。我應承你呀，我肚餓會食架啦。」

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「我諗諗下都係想留低。」

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「我地勾過手指尾架喎！」

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「咁⋯⋯我睇埋你食藥先走啦！」

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「都話咗人地唔係細路女呀。」Miss講完之後卻又大力攬住我，喺我懷內撒嬌，用額頭喺我心胸上磨蹭。然後佢頭亂髮晒咁起返身，帶住命令嘅口吻同我講：「出去廳度拎藥比我啦！低B仔！」

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我照Miss說話去做，當我拎住包藥返去佢間房時，Miss已經落咗床，企喺門口等我。

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「送比你呀！」Miss將一件深藍色嘅嘢圈喺我頸上面。

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呢下溫暖、呢種觸感，竟然係——「頸巾？」我驚訝咁講，內心卻感動不已。

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「嗯！係呀！」Miss點一點頭，甜笑話：「記唔記得之前我問你鍾意咩色嘅？」佢眼神好興奮，睇嚟呢條深藍色頸巾好襯我。我亦都記起有次同Miss返學時，因為天氣開始涼，我纜住佢頸巾時，佢有問過我呢個問題。

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「記得呀。我都未答你，你就話要自己估下先嘛！你點知我鍾意深藍色架！」

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「嗯⋯⋯睇下我幾叻！唔使等你答我，我已經觀察到！」Miss嘅病容中展現開心嘅笑容：「你呀！天氣開始凍都仲唔著多件衫，你病咗邊個照顧我呀？」

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我感動到講唔到嘢，只懂得點頭。然而，喺心嘅另一邊卻令呢份感動唔可以繼續落去。

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Miss繼續講：「本來我想等到聖誕節先送比你架。但今晚起風，又落住毛毛雨，我怕冷親你呀。所以唔緊要啦，而家送仲好添！」

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「嗯！多謝Miss!」

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Miss打量我，見我一身夏季校服，就好惡咁話：「你真係夠膽死仲未換季架喎！今日冇比人記違規咩？」

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「考試都冇人理架啦！」

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「好！咁我而家就記！」

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「吓？！放咗學好耐啦喎！」

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「你都知放咗學好耐呢？咁你肯返屋企未呀？」

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Miss瞓完一覺、飲咗啖葡萄糖水，個人可能精神返少少，令佢可以喺老師同女朋友間隨意切換，真係比佢玩死。

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我無奈咁點頭。Miss上前，喺我面上親吻一下，再緊緊抱住我：「低B仔，你真係好好。我愛你。」佢把聲哽咽起嚟。

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「盈盈，我都愛你。」講完呢句，我心嘅某一處顯得唔多自在。

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Miss放返開我，盈住熱淚嘅雙眼望住我話：「你放心啦，我真係識照顧自己架啦。你真係又長氣又婆媽呀。」Miss抱怨咁講，我卻感受到當中嘅甜意。

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「嗯，咁我走啦。聽日再嚟探你啦。」

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「嗯，好啦。」Miss見我行去大門時卻又詫異地叫停我：「低B仔，你書包呢？」

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我回頭對佢傻笑：「其實今日我忍唔住鬧爆李Sir 。李Sir 話唔想再食死貓就車我過嚟。所以我書包仲喺學校呀。」

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我邊傻笑邊摸摸後腦，Miss聽完之後就摸住額頭連聲嘆氣。

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「我同Alex 啲嘢，搵日好返我再同你講啦。你成日都咁衝動！」Miss皺住眉，一面「冇你咁好氣呀」咁講。

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再一聲道別後，我就離開Miss屋企。當刻心情雖有放心Miss唔落，但一步出佢家門，我心思意念就好自然被心中另一個人所牽引⋯⋯蟲蟲。

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我回望Miss家門，只係一門之隔，我已經掛住另一個女仔⋯⋯我真係⋯⋯好差勁。

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天文台話今日冷鋒到，晚上氣溫會下降到十一、二度。此時天空落住鋒面雨。乘住寒風嘅雨水，打喺面同身上面會有一種冰冷嘅刺痛。

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自離開Miss屋企後，我心裡嘅忐忑、不安同難過就愈來愈強烈。特別當寒風拂過我面、冷雨刺落我身時，我就不自覺地聯想蟲蟲而定嘅處境——冒住雨，獨自一人喺分叉路嘅燈柱雨等緊我。

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我放心唔落，亦過意唔去。其實我應該要打比佢交代清楚我今日唔會嚟。但最衰都係我嘅優柔寡斷，一方面想照Miss!另一方面又怕蟲蟲受傷害，終於我決定要交代一切時，蟲蟲已經唔再聽我電話。我唔知佢而家點，死啦⋯⋯啲雨冇停過，萬一佢仲等緊⋯⋯我一定要返去！

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行出港鐵站，我喺雨中奔跑。雖然我撐住傘，但雨水依然會拂落我塊面度。空氣好凍，吸入肺部時令我氣管又乾又凍，忍唔住咳咗幾聲。愈接近學校，我心情就愈難過，內心啲愧疚愈來愈強烈。

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「拜托⋯⋯唔好等我⋯⋯唔好等我⋯⋯唔好等我⋯⋯」我邊走邊默默地講。如果佢等唔到走咗，我個心仲可能會舒服啲，但係如果佢仲喺度的話⋯⋯

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「佢走⋯⋯走咗？」

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距我一百米外，就係分叉路下嘅燈柱。

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此時此刻，我之所見嘅，係街燈下紛飛亂舞中嘅冷雨。

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冇人，燈柱下冇人。

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呢個唔係我想要嘅結果咩？蟲蟲唔再等我，咁我個心未好過啲囉？

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但係點解我慢慢行埋去條燈柱時，我內心嘅愧意、自責會愈來愈勁？

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我走到燈柱下，頭頂嘅燈照落嚟時好似照醒我嘅思緒——太遲，無論我點做都好、點想令件事面面俱圓都好，爽約就係爽約。即使呢一刻我想補救都好，爽約就係爽約！

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喺呢個位置下，我成個人呆晒咗望住腳下嘅空地，總覺得呢塊階磚佈滿咗蟲蟲嘅淚水。偏偏，喺呢個時候⋯⋯

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