真人真事師生戀《最接近的陌生距離》 - 第五十四章之三

我當刻瞪一瞪眼，隨聲回頭一望。

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「Sorry呀，我遲咗。」

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拎住紙袋嘅蟲蟲冒住雨，企喺我前面大約三、四米外，對我鞠躬道歉。

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「蟲蟲⋯⋯」

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佢竟然對我道歉？我心下愧意大作，正想上前為佢擋雨時，蟲蟲卻後退一步。換係之前，佢一定比我遮佢。所以佢呢下動作後嘅意思都相當明顯⋯⋯

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蟲蟲對住我笑，好努力扮作自然嗰種，深吸一口氣就話：「Sorry呀，個天好地地落雨，咁啱我冇帶遮。本來我想去買把遮架。但呢度離七仔好遠，我怕走開咗時，你又嚟咗。」蟲蟲搖頭苦笑，拎部電話出嚟：「哈哈⋯⋯我好大頭蝦呀。我冇叉電。我一定Miss咗你好多call。」

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佢一直扮作冇事咁笑，反而更令我心痛慚愧。呢一刻我再行前一步親近佢，但蟲蟲再退後一步，搖搖頭。

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蟲蟲忽然望去另一邊，刻意避開我眼神。當佢長長咁嘆氣後，已熱淚盈眶地望返我：「電話冇電，又落雨，我唔敢走開。所以我搵附近有瓦遮頭嘅地方避雨。Sorry，最後都係你嚟先，我遲咗。」

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「唔係呀。係我⋯⋯最衰係我⋯⋯」我提著傘再走近佢，點知——

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「你唔好再行埋嚟呀！」

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我當刻被佢嚇到停低。

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「你⋯⋯你傻架？」蟲蟲繼續對我笑，但眼角已流淚：「你都冇做錯。係⋯⋯係我做錯之嘛。唔關你事喎！」

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蟲蟲嘅「自責」反而令我更內疚。

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蟲蟲一邊笑住喊，我見佢兩眼定睛我頸上面嘅頸巾，欣慰咁笑：「條頸巾係Miss Wong織比你嘅？」

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我驚訝到講唔到嘢，蟲蟲嘅直覺未免太準吧？唉⋯⋯因為我冇書包，我都唔知要點收埋呢條頸巾！此時佢低下頭嚟，微微點頭，聽佢輕輕嘅感嘆，似乎明白咗一啲事。佢知道我點解會爽約——

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「既然係咁就太好啦。」蟲蟲哽咽住，卻抬頭對我笑：「你可以同Miss Wong喺返埋一齊，實在太好啦！我好替你開心呀。」

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蟲蟲笑得好欣慰，卻叫我心痛無比。

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「Brother !嘻⋯⋯」蟲蟲向我遞出拳頭，想我做返指定動作：「一場兄弟，望都望你同Miss Wong會好返啦！夠雷氣呢？！係咪先？Brother！」

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佢笑，但眼淚愈流愈多。我唔敢行前做碰拳嘅動作。其實我同佢都知，我地一早已經唔係兄弟。然而呢刻蟲蟲嘅心態，明顯想返去最初嘅原點，我同佢只係一對好兄弟。

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望住呢個拳頭，我呆晒，只懂得搖頭，好想講佢知：「我地已經返唔到轉頭。」但我嘴巴只懂講：「對唔住⋯⋯」

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蟲蟲皺住眉，卻努力自然地笑：「都話你冇做錯呀。係我呀⋯⋯係我蠢咋。」

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「蟲蟲⋯⋯嗚⋯⋯對唔住⋯⋯對唔住！」我內疚到已流淚。

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蟲蟲猛地搖頭，深吸一口氣後就強裝笑容咁講：「冇呀⋯⋯唔關你事呀⋯⋯嗚⋯⋯」

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「⋯⋯我實在唔應該⋯⋯」

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「係我傻呀！係我蠢呀！」蟲蟲嘅吶喊打斷我嘅說話：「係我錯呀！你都講明咗你愛Miss Wong多啲架啦，但——」

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「但係當初嗌鍾意你嗰個人係我呀！」

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「繼續鍾意你嘅人，係我呀！」

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「⋯⋯」

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「嗌分手嗰個係我！嗌完分手仲想同你一齊嘅人係我呀！」

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「⋯⋯」

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「明知你今日唔會嚟，決定繼續等落去嘅人——」

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「都係我呀！」

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「⋯⋯」

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「說服我你唔係衰人，你一定會嚟嘅人，亦都係我自己呀！嗚⋯⋯」

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「⋯⋯」

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「你真係嚟咗⋯⋯你仲記掛住我⋯⋯原來你仲係嗰個咁錫我、比安全感我嘅阿匡！但呢刻想叫你走開嘅人——係我呀！嗚嗚⋯⋯」蟲蟲冇晒力氣痞低，放聲大喊：「係我錯呀！所有問題都係我造成架！」

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此時寒風吹送著冷雨，實在太凍，此情此境，教我於心何忍？可是當我上行前時——

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「你走開呀！嗚⋯⋯！」

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蟲蟲崩潰大喊出聲，即刻企返身，指住我叫道。

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「你點解要對我咁好喎！點解你去到呢一刻都仲要對我咁好呀！」

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蟲蟲傷心欲絕嘅表情已刻在我心入面。

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「點解你唔做衰人喎？嗚⋯⋯點解你呢一刻要返嚟⋯⋯點解你⋯⋯點解你⋯⋯」

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「點解你總係唔掉低我呀？！」

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「由得我喺度白等未好囉⋯⋯我慣咗被人掉低架啦！但係你仲要返嚟做咩喎！！嗚⋯⋯！」蟲蟲一直喊，一直喊，喊到我睇見都心痛。

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「蟲蟲我⋯⋯我做唔出傷害你嘅事情⋯⋯我唔想咁樣⋯⋯真係唔想⋯⋯」

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「如果你狠心啲，我會好過啲架！嗚⋯⋯！我要你做衰人呀！？我要憎死你呀！我要⋯⋯嗚⋯⋯！你仲對我咁好，我點樣憎你呀？⋯⋯嗚⋯⋯」蟲蟲抹極都抹唔走啲眼淚。

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我回憶蟲蟲同我分享佢嘅成長——怕黑、驚狗、被人虐打、被爸爸趕走⋯⋯佢掛住最錫嘅妹妹⋯⋯。佢能夠成長到今日係唔易，喺黑暗中成長嘅佢終於得到獎勵——蟲蟲遇到我。

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我對蟲蟲嘅好，令佢覺得呢個世界仲有人錫佢。

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我對蟲蟲嘅好，令佢相信自己值得被愛。

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我對蟲蟲嘅好，令佢呢一刻想憎我嘅理由都冇埋！佢想逃避呢場戀愛遊戲都唔得，何等嘅折磨啊！

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帶比蟲蟲希望嘅人，係我。

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親手傷害佢嘅人，都係我。

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我既心痛又無言咁望住佢，無諗過當我盡力想做好人時，其實令蟲蟲傷得更深⋯⋯

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良心不斷咁責備我，怪我當日同佢表白太衝動同輕率，冇諗過其實我同Miss係有機會好得返。

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良心更怪我⋯⋯將蟲蟲當成水泡。

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諗到呢度，我對住蟲蟲講唔出任何說話，因為再好聽、再溫柔嘅說話都只係最利嘅刀、最傷嘅武器，狠狠地刺傷佢。

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蟲蟲不斷喊，喊到成個人都顫抖緊。雨中嘅佢顯得更悽慘同悲涼。從前我對佢因憐生愛，如今呢份憐憫卻令我無法直視佢。

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「唔好再對我咁好。」

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蟲蟲向後退一步。

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「你嘅溫柔、你嘅好、你嘅愛⋯⋯」

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蟲蟲退後一步，再一步，慚慚拉開我同佢嘅距離。

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「你嘅一切，都係屬於Miss Wong架！」

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蟲蟲咬住唇，呢句說話佢難以講出口。

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「你一定要，好好咁愛Miss Wong呀！」

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蟲蟲頭也不會，記轉身喺雨中奔跑，將一直拎喺手中嘅紙袋掉喺路邊。

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我連叫佢嘅勇氣都冇，亦唔敢再上前追返佢。我只是上去路邊，執返起蟲蟲掉咗嘅紙袋。

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當我打開紙袋時，我瞬間心痛到死——

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一條深藍色嘅頸巾。

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同Miss所織嘅頸巾一模一樣。

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「蟲蟲！」我喺雨中大喊。

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Miss Wong、蟲蟲，兩位女人都好愛我。佢地愛我嘅方式亦都一樣。

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然而，

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我卻，

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狠狠傷害其中一位愛我嘅女人。

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(第三部「蟲蟲篇」完)

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