但現實是這樣又如何?763Please respect copyright.PENANAKaa7VCTSlr
763Please respect copyright.PENANAVq4Tw1JiOt
沒法理解,沒法接受。763Please respect copyright.PENANA7EdybEq2Tb
763Please respect copyright.PENANAlL09AToHdi
童桐變了,已經不再是我小時候認識的那個她。763Please respect copyright.PENANAHdM4J86xR6
763Please respect copyright.PENANA1QCVgMIsoE
但現實對我來說,過於…難以理解。763Please respect copyright.PENANAlvM9KqWKti
763Please respect copyright.PENANAV0PwFMNA60
她甚至連一個苦衷也不編,一個謊也不撒。763Please respect copyright.PENANANmoW9IH6ow
763Please respect copyright.PENANADRe0is2rNL
要該高興嗎,還是要哭?我曾經視她如宗教一樣的存在,現在卻。763Please respect copyright.PENANAuRhPV4uRBS
763Please respect copyright.PENANAjuLdOJn8wl
現在卻。763Please respect copyright.PENANA2umkaRAj8m
763Please respect copyright.PENANA0R8CtBOhEc
感覺最近情緒上的衝擊,我已沒法作出正確的反應,腦海被攪成一團糊糨。我掩著臉搖著頭,恍如因射箭而滿是厚繭的雙手,能為我提供一個避風港。763Please respect copyright.PENANAomxhKw7dZW
763Please respect copyright.PENANAAEIEDZlYU0
因為我的避風巷已經毀了。763Please respect copyright.PENANAfzNdfpqKII
763Please respect copyright.PENANApVWKCFNxW7
因為我的童年…763Please respect copyright.PENANAqKJHloc3Yu
763Please respect copyright.PENANA5VGbbgQgml
…真真正正的,結束了。763Please respect copyright.PENANARxBR9tOWg2
763Please respect copyright.PENANAHk6mlF8tiS
「呀遊,我地都有唔想俾任何人見到既一面…我相信你都有。」童桐說,「但即使係咁…我都會接受,呀遊,因為由所有面向組成既…先係完整既你。」763Please respect copyright.PENANA6GYWbW3hTN
763Please respect copyright.PENANAjbljarTNSZ
甚麼是好人,甚麼是壞人?763Please respect copyright.PENANAp6SxeWtrp2
763Please respect copyright.PENANA0Yd8AgsHXF
壞人在自己的故事中,也是一個英雄。763Please respect copyright.PENANA2kHreeVvSN
763Please respect copyright.PENANAlQpaQTolBE
捐錢幫助窮人的慈善家,也有人視之為資本主義中的剝削者。763Please respect copyright.PENANAsMkFGDXmoF
763Please respect copyright.PENANAmvvQ8Kd9Nz
不用說到這樣宏大,我媽也不是沒被人說過HR死全家,我爸把釣到的魚放上網和人分享也被動保主義者說血腥屠夫。763Please respect copyright.PENANAbxgipbL5Bb
763Please respect copyright.PENANA5VFgari8ST
但對我來說,二人都是父母,是家人。763Please respect copyright.PENANA2O3mLT695g
763Please respect copyright.PENANANJ6tOfI2mr
不同人對於不同人來說,可以同時是好人,同時亦是壞人。763Please respect copyright.PENANA2o6Dtzsvmf
763Please respect copyright.PENANA0vzHXZ14iM
…但當距離親近如我和童桐這樣,所有面向便互相嵌鑲成一個完整的存在,並非一個單獨面向。763Please respect copyright.PENANA6SEbLc0Eve
763Please respect copyright.PENANA9GP5fgVin0
愛慕她的好。763Please respect copyright.PENANA83yAS2zmju
763Please respect copyright.PENANAPqYTExn1oL
便要接受她的壞。763Please respect copyright.PENANAlPcHArxHuq
763Please respect copyright.PENANA45AEtHovDm
我竟然天真的曾經以為童桐只有好的那一面,如甚麼完美的聖女。763Please respect copyright.PENANAc6up6hL97L
763Please respect copyright.PENANANW4nCzF0bU
現在殘酷而赤裸裸的事實放在眼前,至於接受與否便是我們的課題了。763Please respect copyright.PENANAbS7UuFYvz0
763Please respect copyright.PENANAUOvekeweo9
即使我和童桐身上都穿著衣服,但卻比起過往十多年來任何時候還要更加赤裸,更加坦誠相見。763Please respect copyright.PENANAbVEDsAc7o0
763Please respect copyright.PENANAjwiltd6rNt
「你肯定?」我冷冷地說。763Please respect copyright.PENANAkzi4DrU84O
763Please respect copyright.PENANAErYoVVkxRT
她還不知道我幹了甚麼。763Please respect copyright.PENANAxoCN82Alv1
763Please respect copyright.PENANAQhcugDcky5
她還不知道我曾經打算幹甚麼。763Please respect copyright.PENANAGBdZKV3zRG
763Please respect copyright.PENANAdPbNZ5Rt4x
「…嗯。」她說,「我,我又有咩資格話你?無論你做過咩都好…」763Please respect copyright.PENANAp6KNcIaIlv
763Please respect copyright.PENANANL78K2QT1V
童桐雙眼發光,好像在淹水中捉到了救生圈一樣。763Please respect copyright.PENANAmTrhizHbLi
763Please respect copyright.PENANAdd7G5iBkRc
「所以你覺得如果我都有一個黑暗面,一個黑化版既呀遊,我就同你一樣自私,同你一樣有唔見得光既一面,所以我地就平起平座,我就應該接受你,然後可以如以前一樣?」763Please respect copyright.PENANACTH45tl9Zp
763Please respect copyright.PENANA1sxpF0yKda
「…唔係咁…」卻被我看穿了。763Please respect copyright.PENANACnI6X3aqFc
763Please respect copyright.PENANAzQu5apWFRr
「定係我咁講正合你意,咁樣你內心會舒服D,因為自甘墜落既人唔止你一個?」763Please respect copyright.PENANAEBJuedWVYq
763Please respect copyright.PENANAYsUJDkBOCl
「唔係咁,唔係咁唔係咁,呀遊,唔好咁講,求下你…」童桐哭著說。763Please respect copyright.PENANAubx1gY7XvD
763Please respect copyright.PENANAMcq42n3kob
「…童桐,我地永遠都唔可能好似以前一樣。」763Please respect copyright.PENANAk1ajCCvdEC
763Please respect copyright.PENANAEAhMpl39uE
然後,我推開了她。763Please respect copyright.PENANAX0cEgOephw
763Please respect copyright.PENANAhFAJAaY8tW
史無前例地,我推開了正準近我,打算向我撒嬌的童桐。763Please respect copyright.PENANADaaegwJnE9
763Please respect copyright.PENANAiXlm0R5PRd
「……」她露出寂寞的眼神。763Please respect copyright.PENANAljJTCboa1p
763Please respect copyright.PENANA9XXIgmhFwf
「你講得岩,我都有另一面,我都有做過D唔想俾你知既事。」我低頭說,「但…我好亂,我唔知,我唔知點樣面對你,同你一樣。」763Please respect copyright.PENANAEu5DNh7sUx
763Please respect copyright.PENANAIoqvuXqvjO
「邊個會無?我鐘意你,即使你有咩秘密都好我都一定會…」童桐說。763Please respect copyright.PENANAjuQ1tmJrP2
763Please respect copyright.PENANAf6y2yRL6IE
「我係你就唔會咁講。」我苦笑。763Please respect copyright.PENANA5kVVcMK7kb
763Please respect copyright.PENANAwtQ3IKcCWt
「係…?」763Please respect copyright.PENANAUwD9H0JMoL
763Please respect copyright.PENANA9S5n2ww6Zn
「我個時都咁講過,我話無論你做過咩,有咩秘密我都會接受到…然後我個心就碎左。」我輕撫自己的胸口。763Please respect copyright.PENANANKMigFg2ns
763Please respect copyright.PENANA0TsBQNU8a0
愈是鐘愛於幻象,現實就更加殘酷。763Please respect copyright.PENANALHTq55Z6Qm
763Please respect copyright.PENANAP5sxFWyhNu
夢中愈是甘甜,現實便愈見苦澀。763Please respect copyright.PENANAMpC6bxxl8D
763Please respect copyright.PENANAgLPqWurUPA
「我唔信,呀遊你唔同我,你係個好人…」763Please respect copyright.PENANAXrZDPUeg6s
763Please respect copyright.PENANAGR0JFpub08
「我先唔係。」763Please respect copyright.PENANAL8Py4gN1I9
763Please respect copyright.PENANAc8BBTJhGM6
我早就不是甚麼好人。763Please respect copyright.PENANAOx6zKa9DKv
763Please respect copyright.PENANAMoFcYXJBLc
從明明連人家名字還沒記住便去追求人家,胡亂表白開始,到之後的事。763Please respect copyright.PENANANYmuFTrB8o
763Please respect copyright.PENANApgaFw1qzdp
我才不是「除了射箭甚麼也不會」的人。763Please respect copyright.PENANAnG0ZUxngqp
763Please respect copyright.PENANA8FBaEdvaoZ
「咁你講出黎。」她說,「我寧願你親口講,都唔想某日自己發現。」763Please respect copyright.PENANAaGKu4Hpimh
763Please respect copyright.PENANAuPALtcpoG2
「……」763Please respect copyright.PENANAxWBHtscJZ8
763Please respect copyright.PENANAfCL2BzLFTg
是我害得植嵐晨自殺。763Please respect copyright.PENANAFVDwHSv6l6
763Please respect copyright.PENANAyid7BkPh6v
那天我差點按下了清理瀏覽記錄而間接害死他。763Please respect copyright.PENANAbOnRDCLXjS
763Please respect copyright.PENANAeHaaZscQbK
為了勝利我打算吃禁藥。763Please respect copyright.PENANAMygNrRMsDg
763Please respect copyright.PENANA6feKv7swjk
我和妍妍有了肉體關係,但沒打算負責任。763Please respect copyright.PENANAYcVrJr3qXC
763Please respect copyright.PENANAmn0aDTfsIN
當天第一次妍妍出現在水上樂園是,其實是PTGF。763Please respect copyright.PENANAMgPaVRiQRN
763Please respect copyright.PENANAfpQJQYsglR
中學時那連串的表白行為,其中一些我可是明知有男朋友也照去馬。763Please respect copyright.PENANAZyPtQUa88L
763Please respect copyright.PENANA7uE0NagorO
……那年我打算過自殺,甚至已經完成了氦氣袋的試作型。763Please respect copyright.PENANAIS41sUpdmk
763Please respect copyright.PENANAZR07ncbTmP
「呀遊,我地大家今晚都互相坦白喇…然後睇下點樣互相接受到對方,好唔好?我唔想無左你呢個青梅竹馬,無論做唔做到情侶都好。」童桐說。763Please respect copyright.PENANAUPxXTuVWrb
763Please respect copyright.PENANAsoJdB15Fqd
「我諗…今晚我地都攰。」我說,「我求其煮個公仔麵就返過去。」763Please respect copyright.PENANAkcYqQahq1g
763Please respect copyright.PENANAzbaNImLeE7
「呀遊…」763Please respect copyright.PENANAplFrWgrAk2
763Please respect copyright.PENANAq33ZE4AC6S
「我會講。」我說,「只係…唔係今晚,我要,童桐,對唔住,我…做唔到…我好攰,我好撚亂呀,你明唔明呀。」763Please respect copyright.PENANA1maxIdsO5A
763Please respect copyright.PENANAuhv0EVVc7j
我試圖以過去的眼光看待她。763Please respect copyright.PENANAcPZmCNUpt1
763Please respect copyright.PENANAy0vYWAzgUv
做不到。763Please respect copyright.PENANAPwJYHBH84t
763Please respect copyright.PENANAfrOd0x1b14
我試圖向她坦白自己做過的一切。763Please respect copyright.PENANArNUjBIhvjQ
763Please respect copyright.PENANAY9JlIw5RDB
做不到。763Please respect copyright.PENANAmUgeIZN6sH
763Please respect copyright.PENANA9c7eOmhBD1
既然我知道了她的真面目後這樣激動,這樣看待她,反過來…其實也一樣吧。763Please respect copyright.PENANAsbpPII2zBT
763Please respect copyright.PENANAkoJ6URzCen
只是現在是我在暗,她在明,她才這樣向我告解一樣。763Please respect copyright.PENANAaePE3zG90J
763Please respect copyright.PENANA07pMQi7Avi
下午離開Beta那兒之前,他幫我設定了一個倒數計時,現在距離核彈爆炸只剩下167小時。763Please respect copyright.PENANAhyJYCBsbzd
763Please respect copyright.PENANAPnsM22o5hA
我沒有高童桐一等,更別說是道德高地。763Please respect copyright.PENANAeaz5Bfeel4
763Please respect copyright.PENANATimwxmc7Yi
所以我也沒法狠狠罵她一頓,然後說要帶她回正途,連這樣子我也做不到,這才是現在一切膠著,一切如陷五里霧中的原因。763Please respect copyright.PENANA49oElOSVzg
763Please respect copyright.PENANAyqUtv0A0Aa
既,沒法坦白。763Please respect copyright.PENANA7hM6zD7VMN
763Please respect copyright.PENANAT0fADfCXRr
又,沒法斥責。763Please respect copyright.PENANATDSKdfYvKa
763Please respect copyright.PENANAZpqQaxRiuY
既,沒法接受。763Please respect copyright.PENANA8Tx7bcv8eE
763Please respect copyright.PENANAdrb4VMBA2U
也,沒法忘記。763Please respect copyright.PENANAiKc7UlUa36
763Please respect copyright.PENANAMBUtqCrRFQ
而且…也沒法理解。763Please respect copyright.PENANAzxfGg0vLZk
763Please respect copyright.PENANA5Y6vCKevuV
明明妍妍叫我不用在意她,去處理和童桐之間的事,結果卻變成了這樣子。763Please respect copyright.PENANApRCvkMqCTf
763Please respect copyright.PENANATIwlLfC5Vq
反倒有點對不起她了呢,我這爛人。763Please respect copyright.PENANAAQjUbdPXDm
763Please respect copyright.PENANA4cSLAcR04d
我轉身胡亂地擦去眼淚,以免自己在童桐面前出醜。但這時背上傳來陣陣的溫暖,陣陣的柔軟,童桐從後抱住我,把頭靠到我背脊上,用耳朵貼住我的肌肉聆聽著我的心跳。763Please respect copyright.PENANAQCbGaCPKEF
763Please respect copyright.PENANAyuMXsntnp5
「只要你係我身邊,你要嬲我幾耐都無所謂。」763Please respect copyright.PENANAxLvTuZTIpy
763Please respect copyright.PENANAukLbqNNBDh
「……」763Please respect copyright.PENANAn2OFndhu9X
763Please respect copyright.PENANAKoQW7ka6XK
「因為我地都應承過大家,嬲幾耐都好,最後都會搵返對方,唔準絕交,唔準永遠唔彩對方落去架嘛。」763Please respect copyright.PENANAVldyxSL45O
763Please respect copyright.PENANAjlcjbNY6WC
她能聽到我的脈動,反之亦然。763Please respect copyright.PENANAyL2dd5wWgi
763Please respect copyright.PENANACZVKTx2AR3
我雖然沒法直接聽到,但我感受著童桐的每一下呼吸,每一下心跳,胸膛的每一起伏。763Please respect copyright.PENANA2wY12hqmkl
763Please respect copyright.PENANAt9yhuxxicj
「只要你無事就好,我個晚真係好驚。」童桐說。763Please respect copyright.PENANADZlCwyRfWT
763Please respect copyright.PENANAODJ7Uz0IKg
「嗯,我都睇到係你救左我。」763Please respect copyright.PENANAxWDIRMluWF
763Please respect copyright.PENANAAbnmE0k0JT
「但即係係咁…即使你會討厭我,即使你個下已經知道左我係Dora,我唔知點面對你…我都唔想你有事。」763Please respect copyright.PENANAgppaDVo5lZ
763Please respect copyright.PENANAKpb42ZDH1o
曾經她只求唯有我別討厭她。763Please respect copyright.PENANANmcO0P2S0R
763Please respect copyright.PENANACkcgSXFsK9
曾經她即使全世界討厭她也不怕,因為有我在她身邊。763Please respect copyright.PENANAtff1O70Z0s
763Please respect copyright.PENANA5ehUEEDOgf
…現在即使連我也討厭她,她也只想我安全健康。763Please respect copyright.PENANAF6uSYCckYE
763Please respect copyright.PENANAFmzA7en43H
你叫我怎樣對你生氣,童桐。763Please respect copyright.PENANAf0oUt6e9Ze
763Please respect copyright.PENANAjVZXPF4KC8
「我…好多謝你,童桐。」我說,的確是她救了我。763Please respect copyright.PENANACIsP3uusRU
763Please respect copyright.PENANAKTuVSjJ9bB
「…到你覺得可以講既時候,就同我講。」童桐說,「我地只要互相坦白,然後互相再接受,互相理解對方,一定可以捱過呢一關。」763Please respect copyright.PENANAPHjRBjfh34
763Please respect copyright.PENANAutYVazp5pz
咦?763Please respect copyright.PENANAeo1zG0jJ9I
763Please respect copyright.PENANAPE6r4cMLMi
腦中如一道清泉流過…我覺得這就是我和童桐最大的差異之處。763Please respect copyright.PENANAeVK8peCHvK
763Please respect copyright.PENANACvNc5uWbqN
「接受與否」,是我的想法。763Please respect copyright.PENANAWF3RbZMDxD
763Please respect copyright.PENANALBE0KN9m6G
「如何接受」,是童桐的想法。763Please respect copyright.PENANA3eQc8OasoN
763Please respect copyright.PENANAADBI8wpxyW
那天晚上我和童桐沒有得出任何答案,甚至說沒有任何進展。763Please respect copyright.PENANA38PJZqQ83a
763Please respect copyright.PENANAIMHJT9xtMi
她甚至沒有提出我希望中的苦衷,使我可以諒解的苦衷,只能得出「性格使然」的絕望答案。763Please respect copyright.PENANAAXCLUtjXvn
763Please respect copyright.PENANAGQhg2j0XMI
老實說,場面比我想像中平靜,至少我們沒有向對方咆哮或痛哭。763Please respect copyright.PENANAsBB0zmc4PK
763Please respect copyright.PENANALlenfuTFUb
但是…無力感漸漸佔據了空氣,佔據了心底,連情緒該發洩向何處也沒有著力點。763Please respect copyright.PENANAZvrHQM7NRu
763Please respect copyright.PENANAoUDubOj9Ph
我寧願和她痛痛快快吵一架,也不想這樣子…763Please respect copyright.PENANAoHZ6AuuWI7
763Please respect copyright.PENANAR2R1cS3YQZ
…我真的不想。763Please respect copyright.PENANA0T5opK0nXO
763Please respect copyright.PENANAirV0Ravzwq
至於和她坦白的話,我覺得不是時候,所以也沒有說出口。我需要時間去沉澱,去思考,去好好盤算接下來的做法。763Please respect copyright.PENANATycEU0fQXJ
763Please respect copyright.PENANAeiV6XuIFsh
活了在幻象中廿多年的我,被狠狠地摔到現實中。763Please respect copyright.PENANA6UDqzt5mJu
763Please respect copyright.PENANAvQKsioAMTV
現在我要學習在現實中活下去。763Please respect copyright.PENANASubqQUZePn
763Please respect copyright.PENANAuoykhFtyFR
第二天早上,距離核彈發射還有153小時。763Please respect copyright.PENANAQApseJyvgo
763Please respect copyright.PENANAkFZ7ndqmZL
童桐的窗簾現在到了早上醒來…也再沒有打開了。763Please respect copyright.PENANAlPzgNrYCoY
763Please respect copyright.PENANAGaTzMXb2VM
那兒,只有一片茫然和我心中懷念。
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【實體書有售】《青梅竹馬真係最難追》
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【實體書有售】《青梅竹馬真係最難追》
作者:
陳立正
篇 #65
結局篇III:我們都沒法理解15082022
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