但現實是這樣又如何?1015Please respect copyright.PENANAAzmhLRind1
1015Please respect copyright.PENANAbaGk6rfsaH
沒法理解,沒法接受。1015Please respect copyright.PENANAyFTl9NJjNO
1015Please respect copyright.PENANAOUVtoNr3QA
童桐變了,已經不再是我小時候認識的那個她。1015Please respect copyright.PENANAOGMmBLWVnq
1015Please respect copyright.PENANApTbcTE8Ji9
但現實對我來說,過於…難以理解。1015Please respect copyright.PENANAApu0tyIFLl
1015Please respect copyright.PENANA7TAbKRvosB
她甚至連一個苦衷也不編,一個謊也不撒。1015Please respect copyright.PENANAhbyIG9gngv
1015Please respect copyright.PENANAt0pmuRozr2
要該高興嗎,還是要哭?我曾經視她如宗教一樣的存在,現在卻。1015Please respect copyright.PENANA2tj12ZmGZM
1015Please respect copyright.PENANAvYAGlSlMgc
現在卻。1015Please respect copyright.PENANAAsTXOSife0
1015Please respect copyright.PENANAJ4CjEElDS8
感覺最近情緒上的衝擊,我已沒法作出正確的反應,腦海被攪成一團糊糨。我掩著臉搖著頭,恍如因射箭而滿是厚繭的雙手,能為我提供一個避風港。1015Please respect copyright.PENANA66GQbHPbB1
1015Please respect copyright.PENANA05aYKJPOo2
因為我的避風巷已經毀了。1015Please respect copyright.PENANAv0SikgPL7G
1015Please respect copyright.PENANAmGoJuaKoll
因為我的童年…1015Please respect copyright.PENANAdWi2UulkrS
1015Please respect copyright.PENANAStoN0Akf8g
…真真正正的,結束了。1015Please respect copyright.PENANA94XkrYOzd9
1015Please respect copyright.PENANAHoCf1pEAQW
「呀遊,我地都有唔想俾任何人見到既一面…我相信你都有。」童桐說,「但即使係咁…我都會接受,呀遊,因為由所有面向組成既…先係完整既你。」1015Please respect copyright.PENANADF3ZlTEn9H
1015Please respect copyright.PENANAsgqDSfbqnB
甚麼是好人,甚麼是壞人?1015Please respect copyright.PENANA5oacolfuiq
1015Please respect copyright.PENANAApqeAMkOSV
壞人在自己的故事中,也是一個英雄。1015Please respect copyright.PENANA597JMwgOW4
1015Please respect copyright.PENANAuKV0nFhDLe
捐錢幫助窮人的慈善家,也有人視之為資本主義中的剝削者。1015Please respect copyright.PENANAyV3Qe7vP2y
1015Please respect copyright.PENANAB37cMzeNbZ
不用說到這樣宏大,我媽也不是沒被人說過HR死全家,我爸把釣到的魚放上網和人分享也被動保主義者說血腥屠夫。1015Please respect copyright.PENANAXtqog4bMYt
1015Please respect copyright.PENANACQpd1N9Jnc
但對我來說,二人都是父母,是家人。1015Please respect copyright.PENANAIdM2wicaiz
1015Please respect copyright.PENANA3Ack8xQ7he
不同人對於不同人來說,可以同時是好人,同時亦是壞人。1015Please respect copyright.PENANAk2FQ0vcl2b
1015Please respect copyright.PENANA6qnumNhFb0
…但當距離親近如我和童桐這樣,所有面向便互相嵌鑲成一個完整的存在,並非一個單獨面向。1015Please respect copyright.PENANAUDVHVKUAMC
1015Please respect copyright.PENANASBw79LXT5l
愛慕她的好。1015Please respect copyright.PENANAFXbBV623a6
1015Please respect copyright.PENANAk00jVlqAWh
便要接受她的壞。1015Please respect copyright.PENANAD4xlOm0s0M
1015Please respect copyright.PENANAU1efZxPFDq
我竟然天真的曾經以為童桐只有好的那一面,如甚麼完美的聖女。1015Please respect copyright.PENANAcnxHjKYEBu
1015Please respect copyright.PENANADc0KLwNi6D
現在殘酷而赤裸裸的事實放在眼前,至於接受與否便是我們的課題了。1015Please respect copyright.PENANAuSRIuV2mwD
1015Please respect copyright.PENANAVLQuyoCMrC
即使我和童桐身上都穿著衣服,但卻比起過往十多年來任何時候還要更加赤裸,更加坦誠相見。1015Please respect copyright.PENANA8Eqkx3A0dt
1015Please respect copyright.PENANAPhcz7DdVW7
「你肯定?」我冷冷地說。1015Please respect copyright.PENANAFU2gKjLNE5
1015Please respect copyright.PENANAYwXcq9eUvE
她還不知道我幹了甚麼。1015Please respect copyright.PENANAhIgJz46cO9
1015Please respect copyright.PENANAOxZSvxOIvE
她還不知道我曾經打算幹甚麼。1015Please respect copyright.PENANA9YXTa5uF8p
1015Please respect copyright.PENANA4MrnnsGjiB
「…嗯。」她說,「我,我又有咩資格話你?無論你做過咩都好…」1015Please respect copyright.PENANAZcRAa5jLko
1015Please respect copyright.PENANAGsh95CQTla
童桐雙眼發光,好像在淹水中捉到了救生圈一樣。1015Please respect copyright.PENANAV76nBcprCU
1015Please respect copyright.PENANAt8v6Nr9uxn
「所以你覺得如果我都有一個黑暗面,一個黑化版既呀遊,我就同你一樣自私,同你一樣有唔見得光既一面,所以我地就平起平座,我就應該接受你,然後可以如以前一樣?」1015Please respect copyright.PENANAXImHATCwJw
1015Please respect copyright.PENANAczR1Jmdvfi
「…唔係咁…」卻被我看穿了。1015Please respect copyright.PENANA2tByeil6TZ
1015Please respect copyright.PENANASRzRNFXqk6
「定係我咁講正合你意,咁樣你內心會舒服D,因為自甘墜落既人唔止你一個?」1015Please respect copyright.PENANAivhrxGDS7X
1015Please respect copyright.PENANAhUfZ784GF0
「唔係咁,唔係咁唔係咁,呀遊,唔好咁講,求下你…」童桐哭著說。1015Please respect copyright.PENANA3yic15TfzC
1015Please respect copyright.PENANAOp38KMb8hU
「…童桐,我地永遠都唔可能好似以前一樣。」1015Please respect copyright.PENANAIuEOZuzwvQ
1015Please respect copyright.PENANAwovC2qVLLH
然後,我推開了她。1015Please respect copyright.PENANAYFYAivBD2o
1015Please respect copyright.PENANA54KqHdDJD8
史無前例地,我推開了正準近我,打算向我撒嬌的童桐。1015Please respect copyright.PENANAi6P3ihrDoK
1015Please respect copyright.PENANAtD3ViOt4uN
「……」她露出寂寞的眼神。1015Please respect copyright.PENANApMMbWTk3DH
1015Please respect copyright.PENANAOH3PtXoOJ1
「你講得岩,我都有另一面,我都有做過D唔想俾你知既事。」我低頭說,「但…我好亂,我唔知,我唔知點樣面對你,同你一樣。」1015Please respect copyright.PENANAdX9GbBoOCY
1015Please respect copyright.PENANAvatidJWDnN
「邊個會無?我鐘意你,即使你有咩秘密都好我都一定會…」童桐說。1015Please respect copyright.PENANAJ7J93iu72y
1015Please respect copyright.PENANAxTNnVwJ61q
「我係你就唔會咁講。」我苦笑。1015Please respect copyright.PENANAkNXHK4pNUH
1015Please respect copyright.PENANAFMntr328g1
「係…?」1015Please respect copyright.PENANArIPld1qzT5
1015Please respect copyright.PENANAvX2qeOXwlu
「我個時都咁講過,我話無論你做過咩,有咩秘密我都會接受到…然後我個心就碎左。」我輕撫自己的胸口。1015Please respect copyright.PENANAjynCOOkCuu
1015Please respect copyright.PENANAEFHcQBGSxj
愈是鐘愛於幻象,現實就更加殘酷。1015Please respect copyright.PENANA3QpH7U1P6n
1015Please respect copyright.PENANAQladhZmPUc
夢中愈是甘甜,現實便愈見苦澀。1015Please respect copyright.PENANAPloSJnMe0q
1015Please respect copyright.PENANAPe15aOXGpx
「我唔信,呀遊你唔同我,你係個好人…」1015Please respect copyright.PENANAoGGqdNjSKj
1015Please respect copyright.PENANAUaVRYfBuRo
「我先唔係。」1015Please respect copyright.PENANAlMAFnghqQv
1015Please respect copyright.PENANAzCnF9LwfZX
我早就不是甚麼好人。1015Please respect copyright.PENANARWLMaPXRWc
1015Please respect copyright.PENANAcmTPDH5jMI
從明明連人家名字還沒記住便去追求人家,胡亂表白開始,到之後的事。1015Please respect copyright.PENANAKDy3IiQlU1
1015Please respect copyright.PENANAkfgngxraKC
我才不是「除了射箭甚麼也不會」的人。1015Please respect copyright.PENANA2N2ajH6SQD
1015Please respect copyright.PENANA3D26XSdkXA
「咁你講出黎。」她說,「我寧願你親口講,都唔想某日自己發現。」1015Please respect copyright.PENANA2qX96YWaLG
1015Please respect copyright.PENANAt8stwoCXGo
「……」1015Please respect copyright.PENANAQN8UwQzK3r
1015Please respect copyright.PENANAKZoCgz4Ose
是我害得植嵐晨自殺。1015Please respect copyright.PENANAAh2XP4ZZTN
1015Please respect copyright.PENANAR2yyUsDUl7
那天我差點按下了清理瀏覽記錄而間接害死他。1015Please respect copyright.PENANAwR4paeKnHe
1015Please respect copyright.PENANAeksvOmkhbb
為了勝利我打算吃禁藥。1015Please respect copyright.PENANATxDuxbla8Y
1015Please respect copyright.PENANAqkmnIEzHpO
我和妍妍有了肉體關係,但沒打算負責任。1015Please respect copyright.PENANAy9YrJc2r9g
1015Please respect copyright.PENANAuIVHvIgjAl
當天第一次妍妍出現在水上樂園是,其實是PTGF。1015Please respect copyright.PENANAJQDrw3oHzA
1015Please respect copyright.PENANAb8a1cC12yD
中學時那連串的表白行為,其中一些我可是明知有男朋友也照去馬。1015Please respect copyright.PENANAzjkJoms1Z1
1015Please respect copyright.PENANAeXHRZQprvj
……那年我打算過自殺,甚至已經完成了氦氣袋的試作型。1015Please respect copyright.PENANA7phIJeDyef
1015Please respect copyright.PENANAZhBNi3ToOb
「呀遊,我地大家今晚都互相坦白喇…然後睇下點樣互相接受到對方,好唔好?我唔想無左你呢個青梅竹馬,無論做唔做到情侶都好。」童桐說。1015Please respect copyright.PENANAvvP5oR3QTm
1015Please respect copyright.PENANAaQi3IbjD6W
「我諗…今晚我地都攰。」我說,「我求其煮個公仔麵就返過去。」1015Please respect copyright.PENANAZVH7Y0uA0k
1015Please respect copyright.PENANABXiNKs7Yag
「呀遊…」1015Please respect copyright.PENANA7SUeIAgZ7s
1015Please respect copyright.PENANAvj5OTIrtzo
「我會講。」我說,「只係…唔係今晚,我要,童桐,對唔住,我…做唔到…我好攰,我好撚亂呀,你明唔明呀。」1015Please respect copyright.PENANAiqQN6Pg6or
1015Please respect copyright.PENANA5l4MqvAaa5
我試圖以過去的眼光看待她。1015Please respect copyright.PENANAtSatUkWxAl
1015Please respect copyright.PENANAsyQQCpMgpJ
做不到。1015Please respect copyright.PENANAZwCv2bqI3E
1015Please respect copyright.PENANAx7aL9GX8by
我試圖向她坦白自己做過的一切。1015Please respect copyright.PENANANvgciGKooU
1015Please respect copyright.PENANAgutU6h6p3A
做不到。1015Please respect copyright.PENANAPTqjufK4zn
1015Please respect copyright.PENANAC5LeeNAi37
既然我知道了她的真面目後這樣激動,這樣看待她,反過來…其實也一樣吧。1015Please respect copyright.PENANAo2jFNiOCDa
1015Please respect copyright.PENANAfeLatTAHLP
只是現在是我在暗,她在明,她才這樣向我告解一樣。1015Please respect copyright.PENANAt4eoy35lwp
1015Please respect copyright.PENANA6YMsEMUzKG
下午離開Beta那兒之前,他幫我設定了一個倒數計時,現在距離核彈爆炸只剩下167小時。1015Please respect copyright.PENANAXSpmtQ2ocR
1015Please respect copyright.PENANAqshGf8NIaH
我沒有高童桐一等,更別說是道德高地。1015Please respect copyright.PENANA02CI23DoxT
1015Please respect copyright.PENANAcWuEOBQ3xc
所以我也沒法狠狠罵她一頓,然後說要帶她回正途,連這樣子我也做不到,這才是現在一切膠著,一切如陷五里霧中的原因。1015Please respect copyright.PENANAzBwvpb0klQ
1015Please respect copyright.PENANAAiLqsIxF7y
既,沒法坦白。1015Please respect copyright.PENANAUrd41YrUfX
1015Please respect copyright.PENANAXLeBYt5Lxy
又,沒法斥責。1015Please respect copyright.PENANAg268c7LXJi
1015Please respect copyright.PENANA3dDNJpwAcW
既,沒法接受。1015Please respect copyright.PENANAAWVX4hM7JD
1015Please respect copyright.PENANAJEXhzQZwQF
也,沒法忘記。1015Please respect copyright.PENANA2G09b5WX4b
1015Please respect copyright.PENANApv1jo77oD9
而且…也沒法理解。1015Please respect copyright.PENANAqzd7jP7kdM
1015Please respect copyright.PENANA6JxtYlW9hs
明明妍妍叫我不用在意她,去處理和童桐之間的事,結果卻變成了這樣子。1015Please respect copyright.PENANA8iu4UZ5be9
1015Please respect copyright.PENANAF76OL85vOK
反倒有點對不起她了呢,我這爛人。1015Please respect copyright.PENANA4xGPBkirYo
1015Please respect copyright.PENANA5kq2ro4CCN
我轉身胡亂地擦去眼淚,以免自己在童桐面前出醜。但這時背上傳來陣陣的溫暖,陣陣的柔軟,童桐從後抱住我,把頭靠到我背脊上,用耳朵貼住我的肌肉聆聽著我的心跳。1015Please respect copyright.PENANALiMHbz4mzd
1015Please respect copyright.PENANAOekjdEQv5C
「只要你係我身邊,你要嬲我幾耐都無所謂。」1015Please respect copyright.PENANAsfkF2wINtD
1015Please respect copyright.PENANAHo4POPCDzZ
「……」1015Please respect copyright.PENANA5HSok9oYGn
1015Please respect copyright.PENANABPcT349W88
「因為我地都應承過大家,嬲幾耐都好,最後都會搵返對方,唔準絕交,唔準永遠唔彩對方落去架嘛。」1015Please respect copyright.PENANAhGtJQf6uBB
1015Please respect copyright.PENANA79t7CnVaJq
她能聽到我的脈動,反之亦然。1015Please respect copyright.PENANAnhzagvgM01
1015Please respect copyright.PENANAY2mK2wy6Dh
我雖然沒法直接聽到,但我感受著童桐的每一下呼吸,每一下心跳,胸膛的每一起伏。1015Please respect copyright.PENANAtfPwrIq2iY
1015Please respect copyright.PENANAMkRibzDUpe
「只要你無事就好,我個晚真係好驚。」童桐說。1015Please respect copyright.PENANA1vnbfmMjdx
1015Please respect copyright.PENANAJloUY76XfR
「嗯,我都睇到係你救左我。」1015Please respect copyright.PENANA5dBwve6gKq
1015Please respect copyright.PENANA8lX1evGDaz
「但即係係咁…即使你會討厭我,即使你個下已經知道左我係Dora,我唔知點面對你…我都唔想你有事。」1015Please respect copyright.PENANA4g9wkzoEYF
1015Please respect copyright.PENANA98XTIiqhjN
曾經她只求唯有我別討厭她。1015Please respect copyright.PENANAoNMUldWLGY
1015Please respect copyright.PENANAIP2OGOkPWX
曾經她即使全世界討厭她也不怕,因為有我在她身邊。1015Please respect copyright.PENANAolY2Nfa7tm
1015Please respect copyright.PENANAJy6COH3qLe
…現在即使連我也討厭她,她也只想我安全健康。1015Please respect copyright.PENANAFEAtOV5CAn
1015Please respect copyright.PENANAPwcp9Ypu3Z
你叫我怎樣對你生氣,童桐。1015Please respect copyright.PENANAgx6rXyCkWw
1015Please respect copyright.PENANAtW88uwmgsr
「我…好多謝你,童桐。」我說,的確是她救了我。1015Please respect copyright.PENANACl9IY3K1Ln
1015Please respect copyright.PENANA3lfuVLZ5RJ
「…到你覺得可以講既時候,就同我講。」童桐說,「我地只要互相坦白,然後互相再接受,互相理解對方,一定可以捱過呢一關。」1015Please respect copyright.PENANAk7xPJxzca6
1015Please respect copyright.PENANA1cSZ7MUO3M
咦?1015Please respect copyright.PENANAsmxzS6fcBi
1015Please respect copyright.PENANAD1sXpJyNXe
腦中如一道清泉流過…我覺得這就是我和童桐最大的差異之處。1015Please respect copyright.PENANAycrY2hHEDt
1015Please respect copyright.PENANAmgUJh30OQZ
「接受與否」,是我的想法。1015Please respect copyright.PENANAemWlMdJJxs
1015Please respect copyright.PENANAFbXoOIGw3n
「如何接受」,是童桐的想法。1015Please respect copyright.PENANAF5xaGecfwV
1015Please respect copyright.PENANA3KqlvQE1LP
那天晚上我和童桐沒有得出任何答案,甚至說沒有任何進展。1015Please respect copyright.PENANAFwQEfm5lRc
1015Please respect copyright.PENANAqLjvzE12Vt
她甚至沒有提出我希望中的苦衷,使我可以諒解的苦衷,只能得出「性格使然」的絕望答案。1015Please respect copyright.PENANANLkMPMFxHZ
1015Please respect copyright.PENANA6u0C25YPhb
老實說,場面比我想像中平靜,至少我們沒有向對方咆哮或痛哭。1015Please respect copyright.PENANA1rs3BScaZF
1015Please respect copyright.PENANAoRg0z54Mkf
但是…無力感漸漸佔據了空氣,佔據了心底,連情緒該發洩向何處也沒有著力點。1015Please respect copyright.PENANA4p2o06vUOo
1015Please respect copyright.PENANAvRwXy8GtJz
我寧願和她痛痛快快吵一架,也不想這樣子…1015Please respect copyright.PENANAyFho8cekV3
1015Please respect copyright.PENANArsJIvAZP27
…我真的不想。1015Please respect copyright.PENANAo8uddZMr3C
1015Please respect copyright.PENANApc4f4TMZjr
至於和她坦白的話,我覺得不是時候,所以也沒有說出口。我需要時間去沉澱,去思考,去好好盤算接下來的做法。1015Please respect copyright.PENANAhpbwYeV2mi
1015Please respect copyright.PENANAoBzwGrRrhY
活了在幻象中廿多年的我,被狠狠地摔到現實中。1015Please respect copyright.PENANA1qDmbpuZ9A
1015Please respect copyright.PENANAJ6FeaMCwnU
現在我要學習在現實中活下去。1015Please respect copyright.PENANAws5GIgFTfw
1015Please respect copyright.PENANA5k6Oy4asLo
第二天早上,距離核彈發射還有153小時。1015Please respect copyright.PENANAJ3UVuYTIdk
1015Please respect copyright.PENANABWX5WHyvZq
童桐的窗簾現在到了早上醒來…也再沒有打開了。1015Please respect copyright.PENANA9tUuJKjxpM
1015Please respect copyright.PENANAG2X7ZinP5J
那兒,只有一片茫然和我心中懷念。
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【實體書有售】《青梅竹馬真係最難追》
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【實體書有售】《青梅竹馬真係最難追》
作者:
陳立正

篇 #65
結局篇III:我們都沒法理解15082022
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