但現實是這樣又如何?747Please respect copyright.PENANAsfkuXcWeZy
747Please respect copyright.PENANAsokcOoFSfn
沒法理解,沒法接受。747Please respect copyright.PENANAI2lRQYhZIZ
747Please respect copyright.PENANAjl6DPuCFmz
童桐變了,已經不再是我小時候認識的那個她。747Please respect copyright.PENANADMybIuVfoD
747Please respect copyright.PENANAs1mzoz7KuO
但現實對我來說,過於…難以理解。747Please respect copyright.PENANAE6C8TnbMfQ
747Please respect copyright.PENANAyL4NaBhlhQ
她甚至連一個苦衷也不編,一個謊也不撒。747Please respect copyright.PENANA9PAYRZ6tfR
747Please respect copyright.PENANAvwsV7skshF
要該高興嗎,還是要哭?我曾經視她如宗教一樣的存在,現在卻。747Please respect copyright.PENANASP8Ysb2Yp0
747Please respect copyright.PENANAnL8Css0Dd0
現在卻。747Please respect copyright.PENANAETQsow9N62
747Please respect copyright.PENANASJjjgV22Oq
感覺最近情緒上的衝擊,我已沒法作出正確的反應,腦海被攪成一團糊糨。我掩著臉搖著頭,恍如因射箭而滿是厚繭的雙手,能為我提供一個避風港。747Please respect copyright.PENANAaKKuRZVarY
747Please respect copyright.PENANAr7le7KywlW
因為我的避風巷已經毀了。747Please respect copyright.PENANAsfYhYlTNKm
747Please respect copyright.PENANA7kHgm55pPR
因為我的童年…747Please respect copyright.PENANA6eGiLxuttj
747Please respect copyright.PENANAlkhyanEQg5
…真真正正的,結束了。747Please respect copyright.PENANABpsvFjMFFn
747Please respect copyright.PENANAAvYhSalkD9
「呀遊,我地都有唔想俾任何人見到既一面…我相信你都有。」童桐說,「但即使係咁…我都會接受,呀遊,因為由所有面向組成既…先係完整既你。」747Please respect copyright.PENANAFqcEIgUOWF
747Please respect copyright.PENANAxOHGDOrzzc
甚麼是好人,甚麼是壞人?747Please respect copyright.PENANAV4uIqtV76P
747Please respect copyright.PENANArMXNxtB49h
壞人在自己的故事中,也是一個英雄。747Please respect copyright.PENANA5ae9xmRNaC
747Please respect copyright.PENANA5pg3F2BRsb
捐錢幫助窮人的慈善家,也有人視之為資本主義中的剝削者。747Please respect copyright.PENANAX0U6DjAUFe
747Please respect copyright.PENANAJZ9gnI3svs
不用說到這樣宏大,我媽也不是沒被人說過HR死全家,我爸把釣到的魚放上網和人分享也被動保主義者說血腥屠夫。747Please respect copyright.PENANAhOcV7QfZ8f
747Please respect copyright.PENANAjZj5RcvC7k
但對我來說,二人都是父母,是家人。747Please respect copyright.PENANA12T7Knnl8U
747Please respect copyright.PENANAWUmNvdlXEU
不同人對於不同人來說,可以同時是好人,同時亦是壞人。747Please respect copyright.PENANA9TaUKCQj2p
747Please respect copyright.PENANA6zvRriiZz8
…但當距離親近如我和童桐這樣,所有面向便互相嵌鑲成一個完整的存在,並非一個單獨面向。747Please respect copyright.PENANAUHkCguDRdF
747Please respect copyright.PENANApeyfNQzdca
愛慕她的好。747Please respect copyright.PENANAHQkJCh6tvb
747Please respect copyright.PENANARV3BXcSXW7
便要接受她的壞。747Please respect copyright.PENANA3AeiIqODrW
747Please respect copyright.PENANAOss4PizmL9
我竟然天真的曾經以為童桐只有好的那一面,如甚麼完美的聖女。747Please respect copyright.PENANAoZjmKnCs1K
747Please respect copyright.PENANANYOV1hqRXt
現在殘酷而赤裸裸的事實放在眼前,至於接受與否便是我們的課題了。747Please respect copyright.PENANA2H8sjYrwEu
747Please respect copyright.PENANABwsoS2CeAe
即使我和童桐身上都穿著衣服,但卻比起過往十多年來任何時候還要更加赤裸,更加坦誠相見。747Please respect copyright.PENANAPLrW5QacXF
747Please respect copyright.PENANAyhARXaVoeV
「你肯定?」我冷冷地說。747Please respect copyright.PENANAELwEiuWlP5
747Please respect copyright.PENANAu3YaMDwgDb
她還不知道我幹了甚麼。747Please respect copyright.PENANAo5sJF5WsXF
747Please respect copyright.PENANAziF9i2lfqu
她還不知道我曾經打算幹甚麼。747Please respect copyright.PENANAZ6i4dWOMOo
747Please respect copyright.PENANAdFgmJzmPmu
「…嗯。」她說,「我,我又有咩資格話你?無論你做過咩都好…」747Please respect copyright.PENANAqXmLq4taCb
747Please respect copyright.PENANAuQcQ1AjH8U
童桐雙眼發光,好像在淹水中捉到了救生圈一樣。747Please respect copyright.PENANAkUTPF8tGI7
747Please respect copyright.PENANAQfB56zu4Lk
「所以你覺得如果我都有一個黑暗面,一個黑化版既呀遊,我就同你一樣自私,同你一樣有唔見得光既一面,所以我地就平起平座,我就應該接受你,然後可以如以前一樣?」747Please respect copyright.PENANAhigQx0z3Hk
747Please respect copyright.PENANASIhLz0M4ej
「…唔係咁…」卻被我看穿了。747Please respect copyright.PENANAaQelpZf1xv
747Please respect copyright.PENANAN5xprhmgYQ
「定係我咁講正合你意,咁樣你內心會舒服D,因為自甘墜落既人唔止你一個?」747Please respect copyright.PENANAZnGis6A8PY
747Please respect copyright.PENANACsQMTY6kqy
「唔係咁,唔係咁唔係咁,呀遊,唔好咁講,求下你…」童桐哭著說。747Please respect copyright.PENANANXvZYzwmu0
747Please respect copyright.PENANAvM79gXYlNR
「…童桐,我地永遠都唔可能好似以前一樣。」747Please respect copyright.PENANAhzDm8aeZju
747Please respect copyright.PENANAyVhNsi7J77
然後,我推開了她。747Please respect copyright.PENANAW3mj9wRHft
747Please respect copyright.PENANAT4xPHq3SKS
史無前例地,我推開了正準近我,打算向我撒嬌的童桐。747Please respect copyright.PENANABtTVuG9W4g
747Please respect copyright.PENANAMhA04duK1i
「……」她露出寂寞的眼神。747Please respect copyright.PENANAQlzRIXZFmz
747Please respect copyright.PENANAtZit7ZUV2p
「你講得岩,我都有另一面,我都有做過D唔想俾你知既事。」我低頭說,「但…我好亂,我唔知,我唔知點樣面對你,同你一樣。」747Please respect copyright.PENANAbhm1fii51c
747Please respect copyright.PENANA1seC36vx1f
「邊個會無?我鐘意你,即使你有咩秘密都好我都一定會…」童桐說。747Please respect copyright.PENANA63zdCiqLg9
747Please respect copyright.PENANAYM4JvQa3WG
「我係你就唔會咁講。」我苦笑。747Please respect copyright.PENANAU32ctrWfwE
747Please respect copyright.PENANAxVCIS3KdLv
「係…?」747Please respect copyright.PENANAB30QTVJHBr
747Please respect copyright.PENANAOJWeuEfKWe
「我個時都咁講過,我話無論你做過咩,有咩秘密我都會接受到…然後我個心就碎左。」我輕撫自己的胸口。747Please respect copyright.PENANASHN1glXWtU
747Please respect copyright.PENANABNlV5F9GMO
愈是鐘愛於幻象,現實就更加殘酷。747Please respect copyright.PENANAOebs1qqBe2
747Please respect copyright.PENANAmTt4G9Icy4
夢中愈是甘甜,現實便愈見苦澀。747Please respect copyright.PENANASQvyOQTfgY
747Please respect copyright.PENANA1iDFboCNWL
「我唔信,呀遊你唔同我,你係個好人…」747Please respect copyright.PENANA0kakZg3O5O
747Please respect copyright.PENANAHfvd3x18V4
「我先唔係。」747Please respect copyright.PENANAkhNGxrGhwM
747Please respect copyright.PENANAYH1nZhWsWy
我早就不是甚麼好人。747Please respect copyright.PENANAuMhBiG0km6
747Please respect copyright.PENANAcJGPcYNnZJ
從明明連人家名字還沒記住便去追求人家,胡亂表白開始,到之後的事。747Please respect copyright.PENANA6M8wAx3NVP
747Please respect copyright.PENANAa6vpAedRpt
我才不是「除了射箭甚麼也不會」的人。747Please respect copyright.PENANAw0uWas4s6q
747Please respect copyright.PENANAM3ZfyJdj94
「咁你講出黎。」她說,「我寧願你親口講,都唔想某日自己發現。」747Please respect copyright.PENANAgGyDeqpKO1
747Please respect copyright.PENANAMyzaltI8er
「……」747Please respect copyright.PENANAyR8WdmEV5D
747Please respect copyright.PENANAdR8GFgekoG
是我害得植嵐晨自殺。747Please respect copyright.PENANA8Sef5fyOJ9
747Please respect copyright.PENANA2pwHtR66uJ
那天我差點按下了清理瀏覽記錄而間接害死他。747Please respect copyright.PENANAnXMG4cI0V4
747Please respect copyright.PENANA15QiRBhvqs
為了勝利我打算吃禁藥。747Please respect copyright.PENANAbqad9lmw1W
747Please respect copyright.PENANATJvTnFTS8N
我和妍妍有了肉體關係,但沒打算負責任。747Please respect copyright.PENANA3USYzfDXnR
747Please respect copyright.PENANAj8pIabd72G
當天第一次妍妍出現在水上樂園是,其實是PTGF。747Please respect copyright.PENANAuOGmhOBXN9
747Please respect copyright.PENANALg9J96TBCZ
中學時那連串的表白行為,其中一些我可是明知有男朋友也照去馬。747Please respect copyright.PENANAVQNJqOE7vH
747Please respect copyright.PENANAETTi3clZdu
……那年我打算過自殺,甚至已經完成了氦氣袋的試作型。747Please respect copyright.PENANAKKmqI3CScg
747Please respect copyright.PENANACjRf8iwIbN
「呀遊,我地大家今晚都互相坦白喇…然後睇下點樣互相接受到對方,好唔好?我唔想無左你呢個青梅竹馬,無論做唔做到情侶都好。」童桐說。747Please respect copyright.PENANA8kptzIM5sI
747Please respect copyright.PENANA6wdy7udP7Y
「我諗…今晚我地都攰。」我說,「我求其煮個公仔麵就返過去。」747Please respect copyright.PENANAmOUcbRYzCR
747Please respect copyright.PENANApfc6x54gS6
「呀遊…」747Please respect copyright.PENANAQgYIUpXrsS
747Please respect copyright.PENANAJocKIWj6Vi
「我會講。」我說,「只係…唔係今晚,我要,童桐,對唔住,我…做唔到…我好攰,我好撚亂呀,你明唔明呀。」747Please respect copyright.PENANAN5diwMmIx4
747Please respect copyright.PENANAoNoh4tGEr1
我試圖以過去的眼光看待她。747Please respect copyright.PENANAqe16LeAGbf
747Please respect copyright.PENANAevbqBGKlAO
做不到。747Please respect copyright.PENANAUNVE6akP7L
747Please respect copyright.PENANAZbngdKRBLZ
我試圖向她坦白自己做過的一切。747Please respect copyright.PENANAql8m0o2dCS
747Please respect copyright.PENANA4UhP28pqx6
做不到。747Please respect copyright.PENANATUrEMq8PdN
747Please respect copyright.PENANAB3i7Pe4Jry
既然我知道了她的真面目後這樣激動,這樣看待她,反過來…其實也一樣吧。747Please respect copyright.PENANAGBDxuRj8hJ
747Please respect copyright.PENANAm1crK8Bzxm
只是現在是我在暗,她在明,她才這樣向我告解一樣。747Please respect copyright.PENANAV1udCwMqRz
747Please respect copyright.PENANA0XxZBSw4e9
下午離開Beta那兒之前,他幫我設定了一個倒數計時,現在距離核彈爆炸只剩下167小時。747Please respect copyright.PENANAkuGiIhP8nh
747Please respect copyright.PENANAId1nV6nu4h
我沒有高童桐一等,更別說是道德高地。747Please respect copyright.PENANATcKRAYgANh
747Please respect copyright.PENANACgjgSBumgU
所以我也沒法狠狠罵她一頓,然後說要帶她回正途,連這樣子我也做不到,這才是現在一切膠著,一切如陷五里霧中的原因。747Please respect copyright.PENANAa5hJ6rFCaM
747Please respect copyright.PENANA7zssJY7cYS
既,沒法坦白。747Please respect copyright.PENANAlKSs9VJt8h
747Please respect copyright.PENANAUaAOcBpJ3d
又,沒法斥責。747Please respect copyright.PENANAYPiLY9I3aL
747Please respect copyright.PENANAs7A2CmbP2C
既,沒法接受。747Please respect copyright.PENANARXpFcOfBe3
747Please respect copyright.PENANAeZBkxYpPAa
也,沒法忘記。747Please respect copyright.PENANA5eoxwM1LF4
747Please respect copyright.PENANAeHgLlFdP0d
而且…也沒法理解。747Please respect copyright.PENANAeyTJn20b8B
747Please respect copyright.PENANAlr3Irzr0Xs
明明妍妍叫我不用在意她,去處理和童桐之間的事,結果卻變成了這樣子。747Please respect copyright.PENANAYdTWXv6wFb
747Please respect copyright.PENANAsPsh1TgsEz
反倒有點對不起她了呢,我這爛人。747Please respect copyright.PENANAvYyxGztTR0
747Please respect copyright.PENANAubBfPbA2Xt
我轉身胡亂地擦去眼淚,以免自己在童桐面前出醜。但這時背上傳來陣陣的溫暖,陣陣的柔軟,童桐從後抱住我,把頭靠到我背脊上,用耳朵貼住我的肌肉聆聽著我的心跳。747Please respect copyright.PENANAbvfWorumEC
747Please respect copyright.PENANAfl6PtNMm1W
「只要你係我身邊,你要嬲我幾耐都無所謂。」747Please respect copyright.PENANAixCccLA74v
747Please respect copyright.PENANARGog3eZStO
「……」747Please respect copyright.PENANAMbS0kSKlmQ
747Please respect copyright.PENANAyW26DHcJxs
「因為我地都應承過大家,嬲幾耐都好,最後都會搵返對方,唔準絕交,唔準永遠唔彩對方落去架嘛。」747Please respect copyright.PENANAoBdhmUBE3d
747Please respect copyright.PENANAlBvpJ3yi6X
她能聽到我的脈動,反之亦然。747Please respect copyright.PENANAvKnUu0UOdy
747Please respect copyright.PENANAPPDKrisVOL
我雖然沒法直接聽到,但我感受著童桐的每一下呼吸,每一下心跳,胸膛的每一起伏。747Please respect copyright.PENANAODfGAxF7xC
747Please respect copyright.PENANALJfSImBzDJ
「只要你無事就好,我個晚真係好驚。」童桐說。747Please respect copyright.PENANAoHLHJ0dMDv
747Please respect copyright.PENANArGEd5T0UsD
「嗯,我都睇到係你救左我。」747Please respect copyright.PENANAi8uxlQ4R0e
747Please respect copyright.PENANAy34BHK79mG
「但即係係咁…即使你會討厭我,即使你個下已經知道左我係Dora,我唔知點面對你…我都唔想你有事。」747Please respect copyright.PENANA3waara90Md
747Please respect copyright.PENANAs9PGzdgo3V
曾經她只求唯有我別討厭她。747Please respect copyright.PENANAX0SDBgtQqv
747Please respect copyright.PENANABNR8C4lVkv
曾經她即使全世界討厭她也不怕,因為有我在她身邊。747Please respect copyright.PENANA0MhUZ8QVGC
747Please respect copyright.PENANAhfky5E4hQ7
…現在即使連我也討厭她,她也只想我安全健康。747Please respect copyright.PENANAZqpXPxYeTl
747Please respect copyright.PENANAR1advqzHiS
你叫我怎樣對你生氣,童桐。747Please respect copyright.PENANAvky9bGMHu4
747Please respect copyright.PENANAysUPhq7Yy0
「我…好多謝你,童桐。」我說,的確是她救了我。747Please respect copyright.PENANAUbSydI2MIN
747Please respect copyright.PENANAx8XwQBi5h5
「…到你覺得可以講既時候,就同我講。」童桐說,「我地只要互相坦白,然後互相再接受,互相理解對方,一定可以捱過呢一關。」747Please respect copyright.PENANAAKsAr3sS53
747Please respect copyright.PENANAKSvg9bwlWN
咦?747Please respect copyright.PENANA7KdJbBVveT
747Please respect copyright.PENANAUgfbiuhdWH
腦中如一道清泉流過…我覺得這就是我和童桐最大的差異之處。747Please respect copyright.PENANAJhFgiyJPsO
747Please respect copyright.PENANAmJdWhtgGN9
「接受與否」,是我的想法。747Please respect copyright.PENANAQTP98MxBtA
747Please respect copyright.PENANA1zb3UgMgXM
「如何接受」,是童桐的想法。747Please respect copyright.PENANAp0Ld4KgEbb
747Please respect copyright.PENANAHie0Sd1bQG
那天晚上我和童桐沒有得出任何答案,甚至說沒有任何進展。747Please respect copyright.PENANAhzu8pGJU8f
747Please respect copyright.PENANAz6bcE3823H
她甚至沒有提出我希望中的苦衷,使我可以諒解的苦衷,只能得出「性格使然」的絕望答案。747Please respect copyright.PENANABexur5TjB5
747Please respect copyright.PENANA4sqZMfnxvt
老實說,場面比我想像中平靜,至少我們沒有向對方咆哮或痛哭。747Please respect copyright.PENANAmyCyX7AkP1
747Please respect copyright.PENANAfso49JQVxj
但是…無力感漸漸佔據了空氣,佔據了心底,連情緒該發洩向何處也沒有著力點。747Please respect copyright.PENANAPqLBzTvp2o
747Please respect copyright.PENANAjxYWcQRAIL
我寧願和她痛痛快快吵一架,也不想這樣子…747Please respect copyright.PENANAFzApoTfxYK
747Please respect copyright.PENANAx6MmG8mddN
…我真的不想。747Please respect copyright.PENANAg5GrQb5cw5
747Please respect copyright.PENANAdiblejeLYp
至於和她坦白的話,我覺得不是時候,所以也沒有說出口。我需要時間去沉澱,去思考,去好好盤算接下來的做法。747Please respect copyright.PENANA2LTdT6ZUNf
747Please respect copyright.PENANAK7BUC4mgw1
活了在幻象中廿多年的我,被狠狠地摔到現實中。747Please respect copyright.PENANAGhx8Wg5ygv
747Please respect copyright.PENANAlzv8rA4LcQ
現在我要學習在現實中活下去。747Please respect copyright.PENANAHn6M1mSVBe
747Please respect copyright.PENANAiggMtaO3ir
第二天早上,距離核彈發射還有153小時。747Please respect copyright.PENANAF4ZmYAZq5Z
747Please respect copyright.PENANAcY2ijDocMA
童桐的窗簾現在到了早上醒來…也再沒有打開了。747Please respect copyright.PENANAOnGslldx7L
747Please respect copyright.PENANAESeSfFjUXT
那兒,只有一片茫然和我心中懷念。
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【實體書有售】《青梅竹馬真係最難追》
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【實體書有售】《青梅竹馬真係最難追》
Author:
陳立正
ISSUE #65
結局篇III:我們都沒法理解15082022
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