但現實是這樣又如何?1040Please respect copyright.PENANAmr8te1E2VJ
1040Please respect copyright.PENANAIFriCk8IsO
沒法理解,沒法接受。1040Please respect copyright.PENANAqSopOgTgTC
1040Please respect copyright.PENANACjImZbLMob
童桐變了,已經不再是我小時候認識的那個她。1040Please respect copyright.PENANAFGa8Jx8xwW
1040Please respect copyright.PENANAor0hMPL08V
但現實對我來說,過於…難以理解。1040Please respect copyright.PENANAka72OmQo4f
1040Please respect copyright.PENANAxAQPSZlTUk
她甚至連一個苦衷也不編,一個謊也不撒。1040Please respect copyright.PENANARN9poKok1X
1040Please respect copyright.PENANAS3tS6iBVcS
要該高興嗎,還是要哭?我曾經視她如宗教一樣的存在,現在卻。1040Please respect copyright.PENANANpF1gpdy7y
1040Please respect copyright.PENANARCRXqEakQL
現在卻。1040Please respect copyright.PENANA6BRHvUz9By
1040Please respect copyright.PENANACYF2xXTTvj
感覺最近情緒上的衝擊,我已沒法作出正確的反應,腦海被攪成一團糊糨。我掩著臉搖著頭,恍如因射箭而滿是厚繭的雙手,能為我提供一個避風港。1040Please respect copyright.PENANAuuJ75gp24v
1040Please respect copyright.PENANALEBmucXtzO
因為我的避風巷已經毀了。1040Please respect copyright.PENANAILfxPu1vjq
1040Please respect copyright.PENANAj8YvH7qRmD
因為我的童年…1040Please respect copyright.PENANA7vRqFInjXV
1040Please respect copyright.PENANAZYAezLF5O2
…真真正正的,結束了。1040Please respect copyright.PENANAtQT9Gfu22k
1040Please respect copyright.PENANAVhzoMvwGki
「呀遊,我地都有唔想俾任何人見到既一面…我相信你都有。」童桐說,「但即使係咁…我都會接受,呀遊,因為由所有面向組成既…先係完整既你。」1040Please respect copyright.PENANAk9zoydBXWw
1040Please respect copyright.PENANAqhp7rWEJZz
甚麼是好人,甚麼是壞人?1040Please respect copyright.PENANArQ6ulGUrx1
1040Please respect copyright.PENANADHuOnyOcZh
壞人在自己的故事中,也是一個英雄。1040Please respect copyright.PENANARGWeqOA3gi
1040Please respect copyright.PENANAPptl8ypG30
捐錢幫助窮人的慈善家,也有人視之為資本主義中的剝削者。1040Please respect copyright.PENANA1TGtHlR0zj
1040Please respect copyright.PENANAb9yWSvBNhb
不用說到這樣宏大,我媽也不是沒被人說過HR死全家,我爸把釣到的魚放上網和人分享也被動保主義者說血腥屠夫。1040Please respect copyright.PENANAStJYBvMuNL
1040Please respect copyright.PENANAizqY1x9D2L
但對我來說,二人都是父母,是家人。1040Please respect copyright.PENANAQe8BGlPYQi
1040Please respect copyright.PENANAYDLu9ieEnm
不同人對於不同人來說,可以同時是好人,同時亦是壞人。1040Please respect copyright.PENANAL59VGvL5GP
1040Please respect copyright.PENANAKNYZ5cvCJL
…但當距離親近如我和童桐這樣,所有面向便互相嵌鑲成一個完整的存在,並非一個單獨面向。1040Please respect copyright.PENANAk5FZiYAmjY
1040Please respect copyright.PENANATpQ3iCuGcv
愛慕她的好。1040Please respect copyright.PENANAOsfiq5qxOb
1040Please respect copyright.PENANAu6RZRb1koT
便要接受她的壞。1040Please respect copyright.PENANAnFDTLu2FEP
1040Please respect copyright.PENANAm6ojI2cprc
我竟然天真的曾經以為童桐只有好的那一面,如甚麼完美的聖女。1040Please respect copyright.PENANA3YcrKSqkJB
1040Please respect copyright.PENANA5vdbKDddwe
現在殘酷而赤裸裸的事實放在眼前,至於接受與否便是我們的課題了。1040Please respect copyright.PENANAwOFozlLbcY
1040Please respect copyright.PENANAgNbSXSCCKe
即使我和童桐身上都穿著衣服,但卻比起過往十多年來任何時候還要更加赤裸,更加坦誠相見。1040Please respect copyright.PENANARRN9VrzBut
1040Please respect copyright.PENANAV6JSMrWrjh
「你肯定?」我冷冷地說。1040Please respect copyright.PENANAsrGKIebAXa
1040Please respect copyright.PENANAvC2mBukqMg
她還不知道我幹了甚麼。1040Please respect copyright.PENANAhxCqdhDvMd
1040Please respect copyright.PENANAA8tju4Jsn4
她還不知道我曾經打算幹甚麼。1040Please respect copyright.PENANAXtDMPlqkiN
1040Please respect copyright.PENANAxOnBc49Yee
「…嗯。」她說,「我,我又有咩資格話你?無論你做過咩都好…」1040Please respect copyright.PENANAbs9tCV8m9g
1040Please respect copyright.PENANA0Czo6RUMuF
童桐雙眼發光,好像在淹水中捉到了救生圈一樣。1040Please respect copyright.PENANAwOmwzbswtv
1040Please respect copyright.PENANAN0XVQ0vrDk
「所以你覺得如果我都有一個黑暗面,一個黑化版既呀遊,我就同你一樣自私,同你一樣有唔見得光既一面,所以我地就平起平座,我就應該接受你,然後可以如以前一樣?」1040Please respect copyright.PENANAD78Ay0uuZN
1040Please respect copyright.PENANAiVObq6PNdo
「…唔係咁…」卻被我看穿了。1040Please respect copyright.PENANAlBlmCl9Lxd
1040Please respect copyright.PENANAHSoos7CF9G
「定係我咁講正合你意,咁樣你內心會舒服D,因為自甘墜落既人唔止你一個?」1040Please respect copyright.PENANAAj7QCo1SFG
1040Please respect copyright.PENANAylRq9yv5E4
「唔係咁,唔係咁唔係咁,呀遊,唔好咁講,求下你…」童桐哭著說。1040Please respect copyright.PENANAtprbgZZu6y
1040Please respect copyright.PENANAtc2ROV4qpi
「…童桐,我地永遠都唔可能好似以前一樣。」1040Please respect copyright.PENANAABXpajzGVc
1040Please respect copyright.PENANAeJTJ3EPyf2
然後,我推開了她。1040Please respect copyright.PENANAy1K6bNzvOD
1040Please respect copyright.PENANAuQlL4NEGv7
史無前例地,我推開了正準近我,打算向我撒嬌的童桐。1040Please respect copyright.PENANAKe0dwJUAFS
1040Please respect copyright.PENANAM64y5mCPzu
「……」她露出寂寞的眼神。1040Please respect copyright.PENANAVy8pBGWjvW
1040Please respect copyright.PENANA3wxSdr6FvG
「你講得岩,我都有另一面,我都有做過D唔想俾你知既事。」我低頭說,「但…我好亂,我唔知,我唔知點樣面對你,同你一樣。」1040Please respect copyright.PENANAbMezf2PCcy
1040Please respect copyright.PENANADts1PMiM6r
「邊個會無?我鐘意你,即使你有咩秘密都好我都一定會…」童桐說。1040Please respect copyright.PENANAPBkqNW7Me1
1040Please respect copyright.PENANAJfuBHdyX4g
「我係你就唔會咁講。」我苦笑。1040Please respect copyright.PENANAA7Qfg9arlC
1040Please respect copyright.PENANAVUjKaEyjkC
「係…?」1040Please respect copyright.PENANAkAsMsgUaNL
1040Please respect copyright.PENANAg3WiDvvAql
「我個時都咁講過,我話無論你做過咩,有咩秘密我都會接受到…然後我個心就碎左。」我輕撫自己的胸口。1040Please respect copyright.PENANAxxxw4GgKUc
1040Please respect copyright.PENANAtRFCuwXO8p
愈是鐘愛於幻象,現實就更加殘酷。1040Please respect copyright.PENANAKQwYM92zVa
1040Please respect copyright.PENANA4cTqE0hbxs
夢中愈是甘甜,現實便愈見苦澀。1040Please respect copyright.PENANAa94s5EHiCh
1040Please respect copyright.PENANAAmpP1iTZjy
「我唔信,呀遊你唔同我,你係個好人…」1040Please respect copyright.PENANAYMaZydNmKY
1040Please respect copyright.PENANA30ZqqWbFdX
「我先唔係。」1040Please respect copyright.PENANAHkP9edqSyP
1040Please respect copyright.PENANAxez54eghkB
我早就不是甚麼好人。1040Please respect copyright.PENANAGQZ9lQwkRO
1040Please respect copyright.PENANAhM42KHq76C
從明明連人家名字還沒記住便去追求人家,胡亂表白開始,到之後的事。1040Please respect copyright.PENANAwv7nHHk7K7
1040Please respect copyright.PENANAKKYxWOf0wh
我才不是「除了射箭甚麼也不會」的人。1040Please respect copyright.PENANAIlI6W5a0q0
1040Please respect copyright.PENANAtzF6Yyr8J0
「咁你講出黎。」她說,「我寧願你親口講,都唔想某日自己發現。」1040Please respect copyright.PENANAwM6rAQGtMr
1040Please respect copyright.PENANA18xOS7KCiX
「……」1040Please respect copyright.PENANAhMvZDAlf18
1040Please respect copyright.PENANAOgbZFYRHTL
是我害得植嵐晨自殺。1040Please respect copyright.PENANAA91ey7XEq9
1040Please respect copyright.PENANAmemzEmSadZ
那天我差點按下了清理瀏覽記錄而間接害死他。1040Please respect copyright.PENANAn2db67PYFJ
1040Please respect copyright.PENANAfOukHG5bsn
為了勝利我打算吃禁藥。1040Please respect copyright.PENANAKqCqh9joUL
1040Please respect copyright.PENANAXEV2PfMwdy
我和妍妍有了肉體關係,但沒打算負責任。1040Please respect copyright.PENANAK72iTY2uGm
1040Please respect copyright.PENANA2xYosfpnwD
當天第一次妍妍出現在水上樂園是,其實是PTGF。1040Please respect copyright.PENANA4auCfPvJmm
1040Please respect copyright.PENANA9EZXeb0hp0
中學時那連串的表白行為,其中一些我可是明知有男朋友也照去馬。1040Please respect copyright.PENANAZEP4xjD8sH
1040Please respect copyright.PENANA6Me803QTgh
……那年我打算過自殺,甚至已經完成了氦氣袋的試作型。1040Please respect copyright.PENANA5HQDAjQath
1040Please respect copyright.PENANALeT6WGNlbT
「呀遊,我地大家今晚都互相坦白喇…然後睇下點樣互相接受到對方,好唔好?我唔想無左你呢個青梅竹馬,無論做唔做到情侶都好。」童桐說。1040Please respect copyright.PENANAVKCmDz2M1e
1040Please respect copyright.PENANAS53Hxp8cmH
「我諗…今晚我地都攰。」我說,「我求其煮個公仔麵就返過去。」1040Please respect copyright.PENANAUSIVmE4nIt
1040Please respect copyright.PENANAuZBz4yqLg6
「呀遊…」1040Please respect copyright.PENANAkyqii2wB4L
1040Please respect copyright.PENANAiI8C2ky10l
「我會講。」我說,「只係…唔係今晚,我要,童桐,對唔住,我…做唔到…我好攰,我好撚亂呀,你明唔明呀。」1040Please respect copyright.PENANAF9w7CVHTNH
1040Please respect copyright.PENANAGtFl72FSzG
我試圖以過去的眼光看待她。1040Please respect copyright.PENANAVQreDX6lI1
1040Please respect copyright.PENANA0TANFtzBlY
做不到。1040Please respect copyright.PENANAZA5XagvLjv
1040Please respect copyright.PENANABj9LQEioAa
我試圖向她坦白自己做過的一切。1040Please respect copyright.PENANA8gOa6tH3Ml
1040Please respect copyright.PENANA7XyCSOaDHK
做不到。1040Please respect copyright.PENANAlhQ5knOdOd
1040Please respect copyright.PENANANGiMzlQp2m
既然我知道了她的真面目後這樣激動,這樣看待她,反過來…其實也一樣吧。1040Please respect copyright.PENANAerfBd3XhC8
1040Please respect copyright.PENANAcwNZrdg3ae
只是現在是我在暗,她在明,她才這樣向我告解一樣。1040Please respect copyright.PENANAUZFUGEv2IR
1040Please respect copyright.PENANAvY6wOxanci
下午離開Beta那兒之前,他幫我設定了一個倒數計時,現在距離核彈爆炸只剩下167小時。1040Please respect copyright.PENANAFhWZwJQSpl
1040Please respect copyright.PENANAOB4yi4AXEX
我沒有高童桐一等,更別說是道德高地。1040Please respect copyright.PENANAeYQjpRDVF4
1040Please respect copyright.PENANAHlLkS5TlWJ
所以我也沒法狠狠罵她一頓,然後說要帶她回正途,連這樣子我也做不到,這才是現在一切膠著,一切如陷五里霧中的原因。1040Please respect copyright.PENANADB9EarROcV
1040Please respect copyright.PENANAIhntJglXLb
既,沒法坦白。1040Please respect copyright.PENANAwAQG0ZW9Nv
1040Please respect copyright.PENANAQB9Ut9wHGf
又,沒法斥責。1040Please respect copyright.PENANA4aa1S4lJMR
1040Please respect copyright.PENANAN34aKWethH
既,沒法接受。1040Please respect copyright.PENANAnFnl9fZnCQ
1040Please respect copyright.PENANA9pqLIAB1jk
也,沒法忘記。1040Please respect copyright.PENANAM9ILIjodBT
1040Please respect copyright.PENANATF5fPqOezJ
而且…也沒法理解。1040Please respect copyright.PENANA0IwSfr9QtH
1040Please respect copyright.PENANA1yNbpJQ5li
明明妍妍叫我不用在意她,去處理和童桐之間的事,結果卻變成了這樣子。1040Please respect copyright.PENANAfJdFdxjse6
1040Please respect copyright.PENANATCWQ4YBWoa
反倒有點對不起她了呢,我這爛人。1040Please respect copyright.PENANASvOIHWjAnx
1040Please respect copyright.PENANAOyPXZUJHaq
我轉身胡亂地擦去眼淚,以免自己在童桐面前出醜。但這時背上傳來陣陣的溫暖,陣陣的柔軟,童桐從後抱住我,把頭靠到我背脊上,用耳朵貼住我的肌肉聆聽著我的心跳。1040Please respect copyright.PENANArJ3J3GGiun
1040Please respect copyright.PENANApyZnJmsuvB
「只要你係我身邊,你要嬲我幾耐都無所謂。」1040Please respect copyright.PENANAuUsQp1qVrB
1040Please respect copyright.PENANATTHCSwou4N
「……」1040Please respect copyright.PENANA6BcVKO1OiE
1040Please respect copyright.PENANA05zPXdM1Df
「因為我地都應承過大家,嬲幾耐都好,最後都會搵返對方,唔準絕交,唔準永遠唔彩對方落去架嘛。」1040Please respect copyright.PENANAWm9FHgRchU
1040Please respect copyright.PENANAiNn5Kgd9SJ
她能聽到我的脈動,反之亦然。1040Please respect copyright.PENANA45vum4Fse7
1040Please respect copyright.PENANAmZid15ri3v
我雖然沒法直接聽到,但我感受著童桐的每一下呼吸,每一下心跳,胸膛的每一起伏。1040Please respect copyright.PENANAcseB207lYT
1040Please respect copyright.PENANAbpvUq3C5Vo
「只要你無事就好,我個晚真係好驚。」童桐說。1040Please respect copyright.PENANAqjqaHP87Xn
1040Please respect copyright.PENANApWFBIWzL6m
「嗯,我都睇到係你救左我。」1040Please respect copyright.PENANAUAA0aV8Z0j
1040Please respect copyright.PENANAXRzfPXyHu4
「但即係係咁…即使你會討厭我,即使你個下已經知道左我係Dora,我唔知點面對你…我都唔想你有事。」1040Please respect copyright.PENANAyURbbdRaa1
1040Please respect copyright.PENANAOOEmeDwUDB
曾經她只求唯有我別討厭她。1040Please respect copyright.PENANAsRtsVvxpw4
1040Please respect copyright.PENANA24HbK8oRdD
曾經她即使全世界討厭她也不怕,因為有我在她身邊。1040Please respect copyright.PENANApaeknbPMBO
1040Please respect copyright.PENANAMv5xJqPn9x
…現在即使連我也討厭她,她也只想我安全健康。1040Please respect copyright.PENANAX89lthnFqA
1040Please respect copyright.PENANA9WXk3VtpzB
你叫我怎樣對你生氣,童桐。1040Please respect copyright.PENANA6j8r5W1gBj
1040Please respect copyright.PENANAQaPr6aUv3c
「我…好多謝你,童桐。」我說,的確是她救了我。1040Please respect copyright.PENANAfpbbt6ejlS
1040Please respect copyright.PENANAGzya1pfUyu
「…到你覺得可以講既時候,就同我講。」童桐說,「我地只要互相坦白,然後互相再接受,互相理解對方,一定可以捱過呢一關。」1040Please respect copyright.PENANAWANbG6FEIt
1040Please respect copyright.PENANAygXO632DBK
咦?1040Please respect copyright.PENANAQVzeTdfuqQ
1040Please respect copyright.PENANADYx6dPGScM
腦中如一道清泉流過…我覺得這就是我和童桐最大的差異之處。1040Please respect copyright.PENANAtnWfPX8QlM
1040Please respect copyright.PENANAjvDCPcvdb7
「接受與否」,是我的想法。1040Please respect copyright.PENANAnUYFFhrK7S
1040Please respect copyright.PENANAKzLXK3lvUm
「如何接受」,是童桐的想法。1040Please respect copyright.PENANAUU3xqKP93y
1040Please respect copyright.PENANAihj49GpOxB
那天晚上我和童桐沒有得出任何答案,甚至說沒有任何進展。1040Please respect copyright.PENANARDyqsiZxwt
1040Please respect copyright.PENANAbA37ZuTWJ1
她甚至沒有提出我希望中的苦衷,使我可以諒解的苦衷,只能得出「性格使然」的絕望答案。1040Please respect copyright.PENANANBiBuX7gbg
1040Please respect copyright.PENANASvP6MOKl29
老實說,場面比我想像中平靜,至少我們沒有向對方咆哮或痛哭。1040Please respect copyright.PENANA1jM6WdoYcx
1040Please respect copyright.PENANALOadN8HpXV
但是…無力感漸漸佔據了空氣,佔據了心底,連情緒該發洩向何處也沒有著力點。1040Please respect copyright.PENANAwg65G8YvS8
1040Please respect copyright.PENANAfhwDTOtq3U
我寧願和她痛痛快快吵一架,也不想這樣子…1040Please respect copyright.PENANAcjjaAcgcMz
1040Please respect copyright.PENANACgRsASdljD
…我真的不想。1040Please respect copyright.PENANAg2I338lArD
1040Please respect copyright.PENANAPT7ILL3rdp
至於和她坦白的話,我覺得不是時候,所以也沒有說出口。我需要時間去沉澱,去思考,去好好盤算接下來的做法。1040Please respect copyright.PENANAyKqlH47IG8
1040Please respect copyright.PENANA6ebrATJ6wH
活了在幻象中廿多年的我,被狠狠地摔到現實中。1040Please respect copyright.PENANAx7MmOJr8qv
1040Please respect copyright.PENANAtMaVsauWo7
現在我要學習在現實中活下去。1040Please respect copyright.PENANAjVLbzzyhXp
1040Please respect copyright.PENANAM6FgSICj4B
第二天早上,距離核彈發射還有153小時。1040Please respect copyright.PENANAmx5cEzLKW1
1040Please respect copyright.PENANAp2mEXE1dCH
童桐的窗簾現在到了早上醒來…也再沒有打開了。1040Please respect copyright.PENANAA48NiS1XsB
1040Please respect copyright.PENANAFY9O4q6K3F
那兒,只有一片茫然和我心中懷念。
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【實體書有售】《青梅竹馬真係最難追》
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【實體書有售】《青梅竹馬真係最難追》
作者:
陳立正

篇 #65
結局篇III:我們都沒法理解15082022
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