但現實是這樣又如何?1020Please respect copyright.PENANAwmBmmtuAB7
1020Please respect copyright.PENANAsyEonp47gc
沒法理解,沒法接受。1020Please respect copyright.PENANApIIyhc8ppt
1020Please respect copyright.PENANAz7KdHFZfUV
童桐變了,已經不再是我小時候認識的那個她。1020Please respect copyright.PENANA3JMmralbUe
1020Please respect copyright.PENANA3ibUhMe9OU
但現實對我來說,過於…難以理解。1020Please respect copyright.PENANAKl3hzsuDYu
1020Please respect copyright.PENANAJunazRSFHi
她甚至連一個苦衷也不編,一個謊也不撒。1020Please respect copyright.PENANAv7pBjb6sV2
1020Please respect copyright.PENANAGekVwmIcBb
要該高興嗎,還是要哭?我曾經視她如宗教一樣的存在,現在卻。1020Please respect copyright.PENANAPoJHL0cjze
1020Please respect copyright.PENANAHyHxfmOH6j
現在卻。1020Please respect copyright.PENANAZ7CtCFF0cU
1020Please respect copyright.PENANA7u7FWJEk6I
感覺最近情緒上的衝擊,我已沒法作出正確的反應,腦海被攪成一團糊糨。我掩著臉搖著頭,恍如因射箭而滿是厚繭的雙手,能為我提供一個避風港。1020Please respect copyright.PENANAjhxynDFZeL
1020Please respect copyright.PENANAhMj80jWAD3
因為我的避風巷已經毀了。1020Please respect copyright.PENANAwpFfAW8pU2
1020Please respect copyright.PENANABO4WL9Vvh7
因為我的童年…1020Please respect copyright.PENANAZ4v5lzX4Lz
1020Please respect copyright.PENANAbRrrKrtP3g
…真真正正的,結束了。1020Please respect copyright.PENANAzw4Uy77xbh
1020Please respect copyright.PENANA5U6hk3Qgbw
「呀遊,我地都有唔想俾任何人見到既一面…我相信你都有。」童桐說,「但即使係咁…我都會接受,呀遊,因為由所有面向組成既…先係完整既你。」1020Please respect copyright.PENANAecOrF1Yhkj
1020Please respect copyright.PENANAhsM6MG6tgg
甚麼是好人,甚麼是壞人?1020Please respect copyright.PENANAUooDUQ3Fye
1020Please respect copyright.PENANAxCaC4DqHzo
壞人在自己的故事中,也是一個英雄。1020Please respect copyright.PENANA5VQh99Geog
1020Please respect copyright.PENANAX0X2jOiOil
捐錢幫助窮人的慈善家,也有人視之為資本主義中的剝削者。1020Please respect copyright.PENANAB5b330dASY
1020Please respect copyright.PENANAVLLQfzgphW
不用說到這樣宏大,我媽也不是沒被人說過HR死全家,我爸把釣到的魚放上網和人分享也被動保主義者說血腥屠夫。1020Please respect copyright.PENANASqgxAqpneO
1020Please respect copyright.PENANAF4yKgBXqJq
但對我來說,二人都是父母,是家人。1020Please respect copyright.PENANAqnxhmTyTPA
1020Please respect copyright.PENANAFC4nSKU861
不同人對於不同人來說,可以同時是好人,同時亦是壞人。1020Please respect copyright.PENANAAIfT6IpUv4
1020Please respect copyright.PENANAoX74oMaYZf
…但當距離親近如我和童桐這樣,所有面向便互相嵌鑲成一個完整的存在,並非一個單獨面向。1020Please respect copyright.PENANAmYjG0mbdBl
1020Please respect copyright.PENANAbhnvyyCGlY
愛慕她的好。1020Please respect copyright.PENANAIdtobVJyu9
1020Please respect copyright.PENANADFIwDQ2xSs
便要接受她的壞。1020Please respect copyright.PENANAZBF3blkH6c
1020Please respect copyright.PENANAL483o7qnvP
我竟然天真的曾經以為童桐只有好的那一面,如甚麼完美的聖女。1020Please respect copyright.PENANAXizok1keWC
1020Please respect copyright.PENANABgFrpfzggY
現在殘酷而赤裸裸的事實放在眼前,至於接受與否便是我們的課題了。1020Please respect copyright.PENANAto1niJ8cPk
1020Please respect copyright.PENANAzOc1WH1j52
即使我和童桐身上都穿著衣服,但卻比起過往十多年來任何時候還要更加赤裸,更加坦誠相見。1020Please respect copyright.PENANAlwYINsJvN2
1020Please respect copyright.PENANAVsYmdfjzqB
「你肯定?」我冷冷地說。1020Please respect copyright.PENANAW0n5heLmgC
1020Please respect copyright.PENANADx0zZHxer3
她還不知道我幹了甚麼。1020Please respect copyright.PENANAHwRN6yRpSo
1020Please respect copyright.PENANAGr23RZrAnz
她還不知道我曾經打算幹甚麼。1020Please respect copyright.PENANAQn0bXHl8vI
1020Please respect copyright.PENANABRkGN4t6oM
「…嗯。」她說,「我,我又有咩資格話你?無論你做過咩都好…」1020Please respect copyright.PENANA10ogp6HtA6
1020Please respect copyright.PENANA8aeI2KqQhE
童桐雙眼發光,好像在淹水中捉到了救生圈一樣。1020Please respect copyright.PENANASX7207JSJD
1020Please respect copyright.PENANA3tPkkin5Ab
「所以你覺得如果我都有一個黑暗面,一個黑化版既呀遊,我就同你一樣自私,同你一樣有唔見得光既一面,所以我地就平起平座,我就應該接受你,然後可以如以前一樣?」1020Please respect copyright.PENANALmU0SQnp4T
1020Please respect copyright.PENANAFKrBIKh1BS
「…唔係咁…」卻被我看穿了。1020Please respect copyright.PENANA82fftCM1ru
1020Please respect copyright.PENANAW7uUnTYK1S
「定係我咁講正合你意,咁樣你內心會舒服D,因為自甘墜落既人唔止你一個?」1020Please respect copyright.PENANACThdEyY4Mg
1020Please respect copyright.PENANAGS3OV4pBMJ
「唔係咁,唔係咁唔係咁,呀遊,唔好咁講,求下你…」童桐哭著說。1020Please respect copyright.PENANAtAWBUugMMw
1020Please respect copyright.PENANA7JGDGdLBqD
「…童桐,我地永遠都唔可能好似以前一樣。」1020Please respect copyright.PENANAxRqe0uh8zj
1020Please respect copyright.PENANAO8tEMQh7c5
然後,我推開了她。1020Please respect copyright.PENANAVe0JLFnBbj
1020Please respect copyright.PENANAaPs91vf8Ma
史無前例地,我推開了正準近我,打算向我撒嬌的童桐。1020Please respect copyright.PENANAPBpNPXzCoo
1020Please respect copyright.PENANAJPxWB2At7l
「……」她露出寂寞的眼神。1020Please respect copyright.PENANAXgzOwifN3s
1020Please respect copyright.PENANAMCM5liGPoJ
「你講得岩,我都有另一面,我都有做過D唔想俾你知既事。」我低頭說,「但…我好亂,我唔知,我唔知點樣面對你,同你一樣。」1020Please respect copyright.PENANAxFfgtBL8QS
1020Please respect copyright.PENANAlS5yVThr3g
「邊個會無?我鐘意你,即使你有咩秘密都好我都一定會…」童桐說。1020Please respect copyright.PENANA3j9Or4pUBV
1020Please respect copyright.PENANAL4YKc31VYL
「我係你就唔會咁講。」我苦笑。1020Please respect copyright.PENANA0PBZa4YFWb
1020Please respect copyright.PENANAY5mfVX4NSe
「係…?」1020Please respect copyright.PENANAyjKHPeUboK
1020Please respect copyright.PENANAdl5K3h23Kc
「我個時都咁講過,我話無論你做過咩,有咩秘密我都會接受到…然後我個心就碎左。」我輕撫自己的胸口。1020Please respect copyright.PENANAuDc02uJDDQ
1020Please respect copyright.PENANAQqHDuzEUC9
愈是鐘愛於幻象,現實就更加殘酷。1020Please respect copyright.PENANAqEb1CSh7GG
1020Please respect copyright.PENANAoOj1WkTw5y
夢中愈是甘甜,現實便愈見苦澀。1020Please respect copyright.PENANAgrmW8EkvM3
1020Please respect copyright.PENANA8eEjVZw9RN
「我唔信,呀遊你唔同我,你係個好人…」1020Please respect copyright.PENANAuROEgABvJs
1020Please respect copyright.PENANA7eX0nk4lG2
「我先唔係。」1020Please respect copyright.PENANAC6kOhmButL
1020Please respect copyright.PENANAXozlQ4hKnY
我早就不是甚麼好人。1020Please respect copyright.PENANABJEjbbByZA
1020Please respect copyright.PENANALCVjGcf7rn
從明明連人家名字還沒記住便去追求人家,胡亂表白開始,到之後的事。1020Please respect copyright.PENANAOOGIJmW8Vd
1020Please respect copyright.PENANASmTBtrgMZ1
我才不是「除了射箭甚麼也不會」的人。1020Please respect copyright.PENANAov5PzTkwfc
1020Please respect copyright.PENANAvLkL4US4cR
「咁你講出黎。」她說,「我寧願你親口講,都唔想某日自己發現。」1020Please respect copyright.PENANAbvsYfzKzIM
1020Please respect copyright.PENANAb3dmPMJ53B
「……」1020Please respect copyright.PENANAqkF8Fy1NhG
1020Please respect copyright.PENANAHqnllzMuAU
是我害得植嵐晨自殺。1020Please respect copyright.PENANANBxLxQKBkx
1020Please respect copyright.PENANA0m1PF4BtiR
那天我差點按下了清理瀏覽記錄而間接害死他。1020Please respect copyright.PENANAX5zDdXlZ2L
1020Please respect copyright.PENANAi5EbQ0rLwU
為了勝利我打算吃禁藥。1020Please respect copyright.PENANAcBASLri8yg
1020Please respect copyright.PENANAYOxWF2ywDT
我和妍妍有了肉體關係,但沒打算負責任。1020Please respect copyright.PENANAHgzdX1hGHK
1020Please respect copyright.PENANAjqQiAVeUOj
當天第一次妍妍出現在水上樂園是,其實是PTGF。1020Please respect copyright.PENANAxZsK2QHAGs
1020Please respect copyright.PENANAySUgT6CGfq
中學時那連串的表白行為,其中一些我可是明知有男朋友也照去馬。1020Please respect copyright.PENANAEmdT8T6kXO
1020Please respect copyright.PENANAv12A7OXeMd
……那年我打算過自殺,甚至已經完成了氦氣袋的試作型。1020Please respect copyright.PENANA7q6glovHKx
1020Please respect copyright.PENANA9q356wipAI
「呀遊,我地大家今晚都互相坦白喇…然後睇下點樣互相接受到對方,好唔好?我唔想無左你呢個青梅竹馬,無論做唔做到情侶都好。」童桐說。1020Please respect copyright.PENANAhnUi0T8dlM
1020Please respect copyright.PENANAl4iTHsKwH3
「我諗…今晚我地都攰。」我說,「我求其煮個公仔麵就返過去。」1020Please respect copyright.PENANAedCpAZLiTN
1020Please respect copyright.PENANALm30sbCPX6
「呀遊…」1020Please respect copyright.PENANAzlHOOmUCWu
1020Please respect copyright.PENANAJXG3j4hKGq
「我會講。」我說,「只係…唔係今晚,我要,童桐,對唔住,我…做唔到…我好攰,我好撚亂呀,你明唔明呀。」1020Please respect copyright.PENANA4xvXKJ4BEJ
1020Please respect copyright.PENANAhA8yW3QSW5
我試圖以過去的眼光看待她。1020Please respect copyright.PENANAAVlN9YUYVg
1020Please respect copyright.PENANAvHHDoHqAHh
做不到。1020Please respect copyright.PENANAW1Yo6RvF0d
1020Please respect copyright.PENANAOut0C14Sdd
我試圖向她坦白自己做過的一切。1020Please respect copyright.PENANA11xCtmZTo2
1020Please respect copyright.PENANA0Dy1NmBH1B
做不到。1020Please respect copyright.PENANAC6heK7CZpQ
1020Please respect copyright.PENANAmFxA70HfQA
既然我知道了她的真面目後這樣激動,這樣看待她,反過來…其實也一樣吧。1020Please respect copyright.PENANALZetxss5M8
1020Please respect copyright.PENANAQzBOkd26sm
只是現在是我在暗,她在明,她才這樣向我告解一樣。1020Please respect copyright.PENANAXUXDSaxD2P
1020Please respect copyright.PENANAfYG4EJ62Hg
下午離開Beta那兒之前,他幫我設定了一個倒數計時,現在距離核彈爆炸只剩下167小時。1020Please respect copyright.PENANAqcdeuWvuSC
1020Please respect copyright.PENANABydNcA33gu
我沒有高童桐一等,更別說是道德高地。1020Please respect copyright.PENANAvZZC3U8gp0
1020Please respect copyright.PENANA7tmnxdLXsu
所以我也沒法狠狠罵她一頓,然後說要帶她回正途,連這樣子我也做不到,這才是現在一切膠著,一切如陷五里霧中的原因。1020Please respect copyright.PENANAzJchYAZOTQ
1020Please respect copyright.PENANAScb9CHSuQQ
既,沒法坦白。1020Please respect copyright.PENANAo4IAig9nF4
1020Please respect copyright.PENANA7YTaSsdFnq
又,沒法斥責。1020Please respect copyright.PENANAhKoZYJSjgK
1020Please respect copyright.PENANAZBwwkILf56
既,沒法接受。1020Please respect copyright.PENANAUur6jo4VUD
1020Please respect copyright.PENANAmp96Viji4g
也,沒法忘記。1020Please respect copyright.PENANANjRfDMiyp1
1020Please respect copyright.PENANANXVgkTDZMl
而且…也沒法理解。1020Please respect copyright.PENANAkzTKkKxWbw
1020Please respect copyright.PENANAJi9ONe4CCU
明明妍妍叫我不用在意她,去處理和童桐之間的事,結果卻變成了這樣子。1020Please respect copyright.PENANAvVrpPVlxxY
1020Please respect copyright.PENANA7V847D5SCE
反倒有點對不起她了呢,我這爛人。1020Please respect copyright.PENANAwVkvgpJbTm
1020Please respect copyright.PENANAbkzhlZYd38
我轉身胡亂地擦去眼淚,以免自己在童桐面前出醜。但這時背上傳來陣陣的溫暖,陣陣的柔軟,童桐從後抱住我,把頭靠到我背脊上,用耳朵貼住我的肌肉聆聽著我的心跳。1020Please respect copyright.PENANA7OAreGxHA7
1020Please respect copyright.PENANAKwXtOtNfxW
「只要你係我身邊,你要嬲我幾耐都無所謂。」1020Please respect copyright.PENANAfXxkngaDCw
1020Please respect copyright.PENANA73tHTZD1Bx
「……」1020Please respect copyright.PENANA7bJAPa1Dyw
1020Please respect copyright.PENANAuhOC9hZn0A
「因為我地都應承過大家,嬲幾耐都好,最後都會搵返對方,唔準絕交,唔準永遠唔彩對方落去架嘛。」1020Please respect copyright.PENANA2Mkzys7Rui
1020Please respect copyright.PENANAFzdU8UBfut
她能聽到我的脈動,反之亦然。1020Please respect copyright.PENANADfthS9HvPF
1020Please respect copyright.PENANAQvhORbpaIM
我雖然沒法直接聽到,但我感受著童桐的每一下呼吸,每一下心跳,胸膛的每一起伏。1020Please respect copyright.PENANAkFu1wLQ0R0
1020Please respect copyright.PENANAh5DBa5VsqB
「只要你無事就好,我個晚真係好驚。」童桐說。1020Please respect copyright.PENANAwCXqvlUFv0
1020Please respect copyright.PENANAotMok6XgOv
「嗯,我都睇到係你救左我。」1020Please respect copyright.PENANAIloa1VWqHJ
1020Please respect copyright.PENANAkLBHqV2pe1
「但即係係咁…即使你會討厭我,即使你個下已經知道左我係Dora,我唔知點面對你…我都唔想你有事。」1020Please respect copyright.PENANAnDqPIgCMS7
1020Please respect copyright.PENANAXSGCxjgy8X
曾經她只求唯有我別討厭她。1020Please respect copyright.PENANAwhqkdpWLjv
1020Please respect copyright.PENANAJCXl8DfFVK
曾經她即使全世界討厭她也不怕,因為有我在她身邊。1020Please respect copyright.PENANARTccw9uYHq
1020Please respect copyright.PENANAUFxBonJAAi
…現在即使連我也討厭她,她也只想我安全健康。1020Please respect copyright.PENANAMeroRtHd9W
1020Please respect copyright.PENANAroZIxG5tV4
你叫我怎樣對你生氣,童桐。1020Please respect copyright.PENANAjqUkQPTVwp
1020Please respect copyright.PENANAMmlbzVA4WG
「我…好多謝你,童桐。」我說,的確是她救了我。1020Please respect copyright.PENANAoch8iqjUzT
1020Please respect copyright.PENANALro3v6aY9h
「…到你覺得可以講既時候,就同我講。」童桐說,「我地只要互相坦白,然後互相再接受,互相理解對方,一定可以捱過呢一關。」1020Please respect copyright.PENANAxkhhLGAXrQ
1020Please respect copyright.PENANAoqES8yuJMh
咦?1020Please respect copyright.PENANAwzcXyeIV8z
1020Please respect copyright.PENANAH7HvW6aPdv
腦中如一道清泉流過…我覺得這就是我和童桐最大的差異之處。1020Please respect copyright.PENANA7dYskWKqjf
1020Please respect copyright.PENANAblfz8GpfaV
「接受與否」,是我的想法。1020Please respect copyright.PENANA5FVAudubL6
1020Please respect copyright.PENANApHdWLAntYW
「如何接受」,是童桐的想法。1020Please respect copyright.PENANAjuS6aQmGe9
1020Please respect copyright.PENANAOj09HU5vok
那天晚上我和童桐沒有得出任何答案,甚至說沒有任何進展。1020Please respect copyright.PENANACtABZ85hHp
1020Please respect copyright.PENANADnAajhI1ey
她甚至沒有提出我希望中的苦衷,使我可以諒解的苦衷,只能得出「性格使然」的絕望答案。1020Please respect copyright.PENANAfdL2husv6X
1020Please respect copyright.PENANAwoXs48kEd8
老實說,場面比我想像中平靜,至少我們沒有向對方咆哮或痛哭。1020Please respect copyright.PENANAcSgf1JEXFX
1020Please respect copyright.PENANAwkrZYRYVEH
但是…無力感漸漸佔據了空氣,佔據了心底,連情緒該發洩向何處也沒有著力點。1020Please respect copyright.PENANAuhIDUsiqpZ
1020Please respect copyright.PENANAih8VdRBwYq
我寧願和她痛痛快快吵一架,也不想這樣子…1020Please respect copyright.PENANAnaKxM0AaFb
1020Please respect copyright.PENANAr0slVA8ufu
…我真的不想。1020Please respect copyright.PENANAMSVMsyhtJV
1020Please respect copyright.PENANAnO46IseROi
至於和她坦白的話,我覺得不是時候,所以也沒有說出口。我需要時間去沉澱,去思考,去好好盤算接下來的做法。1020Please respect copyright.PENANAT2sDgiOw42
1020Please respect copyright.PENANAEMolC26cJQ
活了在幻象中廿多年的我,被狠狠地摔到現實中。1020Please respect copyright.PENANAxhFxwLLOyM
1020Please respect copyright.PENANActTvQRlXQb
現在我要學習在現實中活下去。1020Please respect copyright.PENANANO0EclwNPf
1020Please respect copyright.PENANAcxGbKinhSb
第二天早上,距離核彈發射還有153小時。1020Please respect copyright.PENANAAbGs426E6Y
1020Please respect copyright.PENANAONgcj9mhWU
童桐的窗簾現在到了早上醒來…也再沒有打開了。1020Please respect copyright.PENANAxCdn6qpLwB
1020Please respect copyright.PENANApiV8zpGPXt
那兒,只有一片茫然和我心中懷念。
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【實體書有售】《青梅竹馬真係最難追》
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【實體書有售】《青梅竹馬真係最難追》
作者:
陳立正

篇 #65
結局篇III:我們都沒法理解15082022
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