但現實是這樣又如何?1306Please respect copyright.PENANAvPmTPsmAJ0
1306Please respect copyright.PENANAmrpvsWD9jv
沒法理解,沒法接受。1306Please respect copyright.PENANA2Bz8oq3yCF
1306Please respect copyright.PENANA4ijc16WIaL
童桐變了,已經不再是我小時候認識的那個她。1306Please respect copyright.PENANAYvPSSuiwIB
1306Please respect copyright.PENANAy1bZF8JHUC
但現實對我來說,過於…難以理解。1306Please respect copyright.PENANApEOXK7a7zG
1306Please respect copyright.PENANAJpt3B1w8UJ
她甚至連一個苦衷也不編,一個謊也不撒。1306Please respect copyright.PENANAHkWi3uLuaS
1306Please respect copyright.PENANAqSaXSr4AYt
要該高興嗎,還是要哭?我曾經視她如宗教一樣的存在,現在卻。1306Please respect copyright.PENANArPoGtVtXw2
1306Please respect copyright.PENANASeG9KI40DS
現在卻。1306Please respect copyright.PENANAn0Q8EXB3HM
1306Please respect copyright.PENANAoXB0tO27zK
感覺最近情緒上的衝擊,我已沒法作出正確的反應,腦海被攪成一團糊糨。我掩著臉搖著頭,恍如因射箭而滿是厚繭的雙手,能為我提供一個避風港。1306Please respect copyright.PENANAkYNK5Er3ac
1306Please respect copyright.PENANAVk5MmgOJ9E
因為我的避風巷已經毀了。1306Please respect copyright.PENANANUpwvVNlJA
1306Please respect copyright.PENANAnvKqoVya7I
因為我的童年…1306Please respect copyright.PENANAJF0wuDe6SD
1306Please respect copyright.PENANAOfLlxTMkuw
…真真正正的,結束了。1306Please respect copyright.PENANAJF1hqFCbR8
1306Please respect copyright.PENANARPuS54VmMj
「呀遊,我地都有唔想俾任何人見到既一面…我相信你都有。」童桐說,「但即使係咁…我都會接受,呀遊,因為由所有面向組成既…先係完整既你。」1306Please respect copyright.PENANAIrNN03hpQZ
1306Please respect copyright.PENANAnEfcsYS7Gf
甚麼是好人,甚麼是壞人?1306Please respect copyright.PENANA9o73IVH7jt
1306Please respect copyright.PENANA6DeeezUXbf
壞人在自己的故事中,也是一個英雄。1306Please respect copyright.PENANAid09jHDy4r
1306Please respect copyright.PENANA47mv0eb5vD
捐錢幫助窮人的慈善家,也有人視之為資本主義中的剝削者。1306Please respect copyright.PENANAfHEOLIIm3f
1306Please respect copyright.PENANA7pTAoqbMjV
不用說到這樣宏大,我媽也不是沒被人說過HR死全家,我爸把釣到的魚放上網和人分享也被動保主義者說血腥屠夫。1306Please respect copyright.PENANAAnJpnlYUBB
1306Please respect copyright.PENANA5aV2tUtNsD
但對我來說,二人都是父母,是家人。1306Please respect copyright.PENANAhVfdWmC4Eo
1306Please respect copyright.PENANA5YxAdZq1QZ
不同人對於不同人來說,可以同時是好人,同時亦是壞人。1306Please respect copyright.PENANAvzAB6gVhTD
1306Please respect copyright.PENANAUMqKaSsrSl
…但當距離親近如我和童桐這樣,所有面向便互相嵌鑲成一個完整的存在,並非一個單獨面向。1306Please respect copyright.PENANAfKoHKwvUXK
1306Please respect copyright.PENANA1SQYpFQZ2Y
愛慕她的好。1306Please respect copyright.PENANASDzmuLe4g4
1306Please respect copyright.PENANAil5ychClV6
便要接受她的壞。1306Please respect copyright.PENANA51bYfSy4F3
1306Please respect copyright.PENANA7f9dvL0TQN
我竟然天真的曾經以為童桐只有好的那一面,如甚麼完美的聖女。1306Please respect copyright.PENANAHAiHKLIEXP
1306Please respect copyright.PENANAIDPC8iibJY
現在殘酷而赤裸裸的事實放在眼前,至於接受與否便是我們的課題了。1306Please respect copyright.PENANAprPKszk6TZ
1306Please respect copyright.PENANAAUEqaIWFnM
即使我和童桐身上都穿著衣服,但卻比起過往十多年來任何時候還要更加赤裸,更加坦誠相見。1306Please respect copyright.PENANAK5xCQo7ouV
1306Please respect copyright.PENANATfRXCLY1sl
「你肯定?」我冷冷地說。1306Please respect copyright.PENANAMdspzMHTi1
1306Please respect copyright.PENANAxpSR1Ivunr
她還不知道我幹了甚麼。1306Please respect copyright.PENANAnDKPdBHi8u
1306Please respect copyright.PENANAQlvPnargwU
她還不知道我曾經打算幹甚麼。1306Please respect copyright.PENANAp8rVfaeBFh
1306Please respect copyright.PENANAlTDFU0sIlM
「…嗯。」她說,「我,我又有咩資格話你?無論你做過咩都好…」1306Please respect copyright.PENANA7PUi1uX8gm
1306Please respect copyright.PENANAkAJgnivI7p
童桐雙眼發光,好像在淹水中捉到了救生圈一樣。1306Please respect copyright.PENANAOp1QxDUii6
1306Please respect copyright.PENANACsLllxiaTA
「所以你覺得如果我都有一個黑暗面,一個黑化版既呀遊,我就同你一樣自私,同你一樣有唔見得光既一面,所以我地就平起平座,我就應該接受你,然後可以如以前一樣?」1306Please respect copyright.PENANA0IsBdf7zvM
1306Please respect copyright.PENANALjg2KzCCRR
「…唔係咁…」卻被我看穿了。1306Please respect copyright.PENANA95uxZH4Qa4
1306Please respect copyright.PENANAgUsjVCsiVg
「定係我咁講正合你意,咁樣你內心會舒服D,因為自甘墜落既人唔止你一個?」1306Please respect copyright.PENANA8iKy4oiJAR
1306Please respect copyright.PENANAgTYXQSKxkZ
「唔係咁,唔係咁唔係咁,呀遊,唔好咁講,求下你…」童桐哭著說。1306Please respect copyright.PENANA34r99824kt
1306Please respect copyright.PENANA42b6V0wO6Y
「…童桐,我地永遠都唔可能好似以前一樣。」1306Please respect copyright.PENANARgAnmGwkFO
1306Please respect copyright.PENANA6gsceI2joc
然後,我推開了她。1306Please respect copyright.PENANAOryMC63TIT
1306Please respect copyright.PENANAFkcr8pcsUf
史無前例地,我推開了正準近我,打算向我撒嬌的童桐。1306Please respect copyright.PENANAZSMBoxzIYc
1306Please respect copyright.PENANAjUxqAIejl8
「……」她露出寂寞的眼神。1306Please respect copyright.PENANAasIceZBbdP
1306Please respect copyright.PENANA0O8KzQxkge
「你講得岩,我都有另一面,我都有做過D唔想俾你知既事。」我低頭說,「但…我好亂,我唔知,我唔知點樣面對你,同你一樣。」1306Please respect copyright.PENANAUJVe25kuNv
1306Please respect copyright.PENANAb3BumuvjEC
「邊個會無?我鐘意你,即使你有咩秘密都好我都一定會…」童桐說。1306Please respect copyright.PENANAiIuktOFN23
1306Please respect copyright.PENANAQ4dvovyuax
「我係你就唔會咁講。」我苦笑。1306Please respect copyright.PENANAVl9iZ2mYOj
1306Please respect copyright.PENANAKTAF3N7s4G
「係…?」1306Please respect copyright.PENANAQtJIckOtIJ
1306Please respect copyright.PENANA42sZZz4HTS
「我個時都咁講過,我話無論你做過咩,有咩秘密我都會接受到…然後我個心就碎左。」我輕撫自己的胸口。1306Please respect copyright.PENANAwleAeTmz1p
1306Please respect copyright.PENANAniZYadWM0y
愈是鐘愛於幻象,現實就更加殘酷。1306Please respect copyright.PENANAWjTSEkeP4T
1306Please respect copyright.PENANA6FZZNdUKBC
夢中愈是甘甜,現實便愈見苦澀。1306Please respect copyright.PENANAASG6FmXJyq
1306Please respect copyright.PENANAGCZhTewWB8
「我唔信,呀遊你唔同我,你係個好人…」1306Please respect copyright.PENANAXcOD48eDVR
1306Please respect copyright.PENANAzncegGEW3i
「我先唔係。」1306Please respect copyright.PENANAdfdv3uRU00
1306Please respect copyright.PENANA9VcaIPzRRz
我早就不是甚麼好人。1306Please respect copyright.PENANAWpwp9IFXzw
1306Please respect copyright.PENANAmEj2WOyWJW
從明明連人家名字還沒記住便去追求人家,胡亂表白開始,到之後的事。1306Please respect copyright.PENANAJLvj8UBXeb
1306Please respect copyright.PENANAiDFoaAzvgV
我才不是「除了射箭甚麼也不會」的人。1306Please respect copyright.PENANAsRmckcvbOA
1306Please respect copyright.PENANAFShMwgHHJ1
「咁你講出黎。」她說,「我寧願你親口講,都唔想某日自己發現。」1306Please respect copyright.PENANA3h1FbZ7gwC
1306Please respect copyright.PENANAp9SgGGLNCS
「……」1306Please respect copyright.PENANAwYjMEVupBz
1306Please respect copyright.PENANAszsTBWWZHi
是我害得植嵐晨自殺。1306Please respect copyright.PENANA2DfIek4M9o
1306Please respect copyright.PENANAa6Wo21IVvM
那天我差點按下了清理瀏覽記錄而間接害死他。1306Please respect copyright.PENANAeCuyfC1KuT
1306Please respect copyright.PENANAVjTmcrMzEG
為了勝利我打算吃禁藥。1306Please respect copyright.PENANAx0wzFVAq3W
1306Please respect copyright.PENANAeSKj25NEgQ
我和妍妍有了肉體關係,但沒打算負責任。1306Please respect copyright.PENANAIP5HI0GlJY
1306Please respect copyright.PENANAoiJgLua6Bw
當天第一次妍妍出現在水上樂園是,其實是PTGF。1306Please respect copyright.PENANAjwzp3htHWm
1306Please respect copyright.PENANAcovLALCIKf
中學時那連串的表白行為,其中一些我可是明知有男朋友也照去馬。1306Please respect copyright.PENANArFse05LtRt
1306Please respect copyright.PENANACyy2rE5gUx
……那年我打算過自殺,甚至已經完成了氦氣袋的試作型。1306Please respect copyright.PENANArMMzvBcDiT
1306Please respect copyright.PENANAa18WMa6c7x
「呀遊,我地大家今晚都互相坦白喇…然後睇下點樣互相接受到對方,好唔好?我唔想無左你呢個青梅竹馬,無論做唔做到情侶都好。」童桐說。1306Please respect copyright.PENANAbUcUF0yIAW
1306Please respect copyright.PENANAh775xsfMQP
「我諗…今晚我地都攰。」我說,「我求其煮個公仔麵就返過去。」1306Please respect copyright.PENANAXus5XvLMsL
1306Please respect copyright.PENANAGTlGJ7mJ0j
「呀遊…」1306Please respect copyright.PENANAJ0RbY9YpE2
1306Please respect copyright.PENANApH7E5RvnQN
「我會講。」我說,「只係…唔係今晚,我要,童桐,對唔住,我…做唔到…我好攰,我好撚亂呀,你明唔明呀。」1306Please respect copyright.PENANAwP2n5Mgh5T
1306Please respect copyright.PENANAZbPkRmwheI
我試圖以過去的眼光看待她。1306Please respect copyright.PENANAM1Ve1RUFMe
1306Please respect copyright.PENANA4bPxBVHsmU
做不到。1306Please respect copyright.PENANAlDEldMZwU8
1306Please respect copyright.PENANAHzTHCfbmd5
我試圖向她坦白自己做過的一切。1306Please respect copyright.PENANACp1mdo9rnv
1306Please respect copyright.PENANA8rmG9ZQpT1
做不到。1306Please respect copyright.PENANAE9TWhDUz2H
1306Please respect copyright.PENANANy0Fg8tXIs
既然我知道了她的真面目後這樣激動,這樣看待她,反過來…其實也一樣吧。1306Please respect copyright.PENANAAPK8mzrAHv
1306Please respect copyright.PENANAJKeUpUhCvj
只是現在是我在暗,她在明,她才這樣向我告解一樣。1306Please respect copyright.PENANAxdUOYdmZyz
1306Please respect copyright.PENANAgQxuFmjon6
下午離開Beta那兒之前,他幫我設定了一個倒數計時,現在距離核彈爆炸只剩下167小時。1306Please respect copyright.PENANAP6P9VGHBZS
1306Please respect copyright.PENANAYBkV3DuSOe
我沒有高童桐一等,更別說是道德高地。1306Please respect copyright.PENANAjkfnDjyy1N
1306Please respect copyright.PENANAcFMkVZNcnv
所以我也沒法狠狠罵她一頓,然後說要帶她回正途,連這樣子我也做不到,這才是現在一切膠著,一切如陷五里霧中的原因。1306Please respect copyright.PENANAsz6K1U3owz
1306Please respect copyright.PENANAu6JQCJFGE6
既,沒法坦白。1306Please respect copyright.PENANAo8S41Thon6
1306Please respect copyright.PENANAULg9pyJqKp
又,沒法斥責。1306Please respect copyright.PENANA4VSehyXmn0
1306Please respect copyright.PENANASVkR5xW0UO
既,沒法接受。1306Please respect copyright.PENANAU1uDHBcJKi
1306Please respect copyright.PENANA2DkPJZ5KQ2
也,沒法忘記。1306Please respect copyright.PENANAzyJ4hVtosx
1306Please respect copyright.PENANAzfR5Akf1O8
而且…也沒法理解。1306Please respect copyright.PENANAtC0GaAcaHI
1306Please respect copyright.PENANA7sHISQ8I05
明明妍妍叫我不用在意她,去處理和童桐之間的事,結果卻變成了這樣子。1306Please respect copyright.PENANAv8Y0BkiOxY
1306Please respect copyright.PENANA8evFzvOq0f
反倒有點對不起她了呢,我這爛人。1306Please respect copyright.PENANArrqj6qeIwP
1306Please respect copyright.PENANAgSk08bEZ0p
我轉身胡亂地擦去眼淚,以免自己在童桐面前出醜。但這時背上傳來陣陣的溫暖,陣陣的柔軟,童桐從後抱住我,把頭靠到我背脊上,用耳朵貼住我的肌肉聆聽著我的心跳。1306Please respect copyright.PENANAix11AILZAK
1306Please respect copyright.PENANAMLUlnCsCs1
「只要你係我身邊,你要嬲我幾耐都無所謂。」1306Please respect copyright.PENANA6BkfJqmga4
1306Please respect copyright.PENANASAPfdRCpXY
「……」1306Please respect copyright.PENANAjBh79tiURV
1306Please respect copyright.PENANAxFSDv1N9en
「因為我地都應承過大家,嬲幾耐都好,最後都會搵返對方,唔準絕交,唔準永遠唔彩對方落去架嘛。」1306Please respect copyright.PENANAVPz3YctqKO
1306Please respect copyright.PENANAgExkHlUaZO
她能聽到我的脈動,反之亦然。1306Please respect copyright.PENANAx0WoMO5gE8
1306Please respect copyright.PENANAbtS0VCsXLs
我雖然沒法直接聽到,但我感受著童桐的每一下呼吸,每一下心跳,胸膛的每一起伏。1306Please respect copyright.PENANAJ5SRNQqKGD
1306Please respect copyright.PENANAjWETfz116l
「只要你無事就好,我個晚真係好驚。」童桐說。1306Please respect copyright.PENANAyr9z0oVygY
1306Please respect copyright.PENANAuamSM8o5To
「嗯,我都睇到係你救左我。」1306Please respect copyright.PENANAz7brjPlI9b
1306Please respect copyright.PENANA3djGQwWzZS
「但即係係咁…即使你會討厭我,即使你個下已經知道左我係Dora,我唔知點面對你…我都唔想你有事。」1306Please respect copyright.PENANAFwU4MqOebg
1306Please respect copyright.PENANA5StqWCpm0m
曾經她只求唯有我別討厭她。1306Please respect copyright.PENANAdoScSN0dPc
1306Please respect copyright.PENANAQOFbo4K6zt
曾經她即使全世界討厭她也不怕,因為有我在她身邊。1306Please respect copyright.PENANAVpzMiufuog
1306Please respect copyright.PENANAsl5trYsWMm
…現在即使連我也討厭她,她也只想我安全健康。1306Please respect copyright.PENANAmsnI5Y8Hjx
1306Please respect copyright.PENANAZE3HR1gjX9
你叫我怎樣對你生氣,童桐。1306Please respect copyright.PENANAqBtzUH526z
1306Please respect copyright.PENANAhAgceOMV5H
「我…好多謝你,童桐。」我說,的確是她救了我。1306Please respect copyright.PENANA4ELjhMqq11
1306Please respect copyright.PENANAmIVQ9tpUX3
「…到你覺得可以講既時候,就同我講。」童桐說,「我地只要互相坦白,然後互相再接受,互相理解對方,一定可以捱過呢一關。」1306Please respect copyright.PENANAuButT31rzp
1306Please respect copyright.PENANAtJ3YbC6cmz
咦?1306Please respect copyright.PENANAax5ChMl9GU
1306Please respect copyright.PENANARGssa76HTb
腦中如一道清泉流過…我覺得這就是我和童桐最大的差異之處。1306Please respect copyright.PENANA4odrLAMA2f
1306Please respect copyright.PENANAEBTq5BM6G4
「接受與否」,是我的想法。1306Please respect copyright.PENANAqmyFUjhqaP
1306Please respect copyright.PENANAPqXHXJmPvS
「如何接受」,是童桐的想法。1306Please respect copyright.PENANAwkScVtGcgq
1306Please respect copyright.PENANAfwcpGJApjz
那天晚上我和童桐沒有得出任何答案,甚至說沒有任何進展。1306Please respect copyright.PENANAgq5P85Gn9q
1306Please respect copyright.PENANAbiW77hhhBF
她甚至沒有提出我希望中的苦衷,使我可以諒解的苦衷,只能得出「性格使然」的絕望答案。1306Please respect copyright.PENANAMFMZ1W3nPC
1306Please respect copyright.PENANAbFzk6uYMsy
老實說,場面比我想像中平靜,至少我們沒有向對方咆哮或痛哭。1306Please respect copyright.PENANABKVKCZL4n3
1306Please respect copyright.PENANAxTQro5UXWU
但是…無力感漸漸佔據了空氣,佔據了心底,連情緒該發洩向何處也沒有著力點。1306Please respect copyright.PENANAbe4oKCyuGd
1306Please respect copyright.PENANAv2JmMLmezD
我寧願和她痛痛快快吵一架,也不想這樣子…1306Please respect copyright.PENANA5cA4Qjiwzr
1306Please respect copyright.PENANAtyfNJMGkCQ
…我真的不想。1306Please respect copyright.PENANATFh5EtXYjT
1306Please respect copyright.PENANAQf82rjMBjm
至於和她坦白的話,我覺得不是時候,所以也沒有說出口。我需要時間去沉澱,去思考,去好好盤算接下來的做法。1306Please respect copyright.PENANAhgVLy0hsbP
1306Please respect copyright.PENANAuPmRBuNgg9
活了在幻象中廿多年的我,被狠狠地摔到現實中。1306Please respect copyright.PENANAOrRsuSlBwh
1306Please respect copyright.PENANAGwIuy5qrEy
現在我要學習在現實中活下去。1306Please respect copyright.PENANAc8EXEyNlyO
1306Please respect copyright.PENANAkwlKQWCnfL
第二天早上,距離核彈發射還有153小時。1306Please respect copyright.PENANAYXCL66AqnX
1306Please respect copyright.PENANABDiTKFt7fz
童桐的窗簾現在到了早上醒來…也再沒有打開了。1306Please respect copyright.PENANAFGTmQFxnm5
1306Please respect copyright.PENANAdg1kgX49lN
那兒,只有一片茫然和我心中懷念。
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【實體書有售】《青梅竹馬真係最難追》
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【實體書有售】《青梅竹馬真係最難追》
Author:
陳立正
ISSUE #65
結局篇III:我們都沒法理解15082022
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READS 1302
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Penana reserves the right to remove any content that violates these rules or causes legal or community risk, and to suspend or terminate related accounts.

