但現實是這樣又如何?748Please respect copyright.PENANAnMA0Ue3X8i
748Please respect copyright.PENANAFFmNW0mp4y
沒法理解,沒法接受。748Please respect copyright.PENANAqs135pxiSP
748Please respect copyright.PENANAMdGRk2HryF
童桐變了,已經不再是我小時候認識的那個她。748Please respect copyright.PENANAW1rMqo5vWL
748Please respect copyright.PENANAQThrjvhj3L
但現實對我來說,過於…難以理解。748Please respect copyright.PENANAJr2njamWiN
748Please respect copyright.PENANAVx3HuK7fC7
她甚至連一個苦衷也不編,一個謊也不撒。748Please respect copyright.PENANAKWjonDYisV
748Please respect copyright.PENANAKnNwhoJTw3
要該高興嗎,還是要哭?我曾經視她如宗教一樣的存在,現在卻。748Please respect copyright.PENANA3Q0WC9qav8
748Please respect copyright.PENANA8RxmQVyHSD
現在卻。748Please respect copyright.PENANAMCb3Ox1oXI
748Please respect copyright.PENANA6pDVUxBH0x
感覺最近情緒上的衝擊,我已沒法作出正確的反應,腦海被攪成一團糊糨。我掩著臉搖著頭,恍如因射箭而滿是厚繭的雙手,能為我提供一個避風港。748Please respect copyright.PENANArreZbg8dFR
748Please respect copyright.PENANAFrVsUoJS9F
因為我的避風巷已經毀了。748Please respect copyright.PENANARZDfoISxVj
748Please respect copyright.PENANAWqKQsI3jL0
因為我的童年…748Please respect copyright.PENANAXEDEXDApcp
748Please respect copyright.PENANAniRaxXooFx
…真真正正的,結束了。748Please respect copyright.PENANA4tPAn23ipG
748Please respect copyright.PENANAirzb25q2Bg
「呀遊,我地都有唔想俾任何人見到既一面…我相信你都有。」童桐說,「但即使係咁…我都會接受,呀遊,因為由所有面向組成既…先係完整既你。」748Please respect copyright.PENANADMhJAvDjEG
748Please respect copyright.PENANAjQjiKPKPAq
甚麼是好人,甚麼是壞人?748Please respect copyright.PENANAKmiUIXM44n
748Please respect copyright.PENANAR1hhtui5dL
壞人在自己的故事中,也是一個英雄。748Please respect copyright.PENANAoknPf8G6wu
748Please respect copyright.PENANAEBI6ZbCkZe
捐錢幫助窮人的慈善家,也有人視之為資本主義中的剝削者。748Please respect copyright.PENANArbVbL5N3o6
748Please respect copyright.PENANAIsfAMdy5qF
不用說到這樣宏大,我媽也不是沒被人說過HR死全家,我爸把釣到的魚放上網和人分享也被動保主義者說血腥屠夫。748Please respect copyright.PENANAHQn6mHEm0N
748Please respect copyright.PENANAbn5CGZ0AbK
但對我來說,二人都是父母,是家人。748Please respect copyright.PENANAmqpShJd6Hl
748Please respect copyright.PENANAhtr3ximFHz
不同人對於不同人來說,可以同時是好人,同時亦是壞人。748Please respect copyright.PENANAoPs1yGDrNb
748Please respect copyright.PENANAh6r4tI4vt4
…但當距離親近如我和童桐這樣,所有面向便互相嵌鑲成一個完整的存在,並非一個單獨面向。748Please respect copyright.PENANA6XFe6mY9lO
748Please respect copyright.PENANAkStGXeoAix
愛慕她的好。748Please respect copyright.PENANAkzKVBHjm4v
748Please respect copyright.PENANACLUE1asC4I
便要接受她的壞。748Please respect copyright.PENANAxmMfNXUY0f
748Please respect copyright.PENANAbLsezmBqsA
我竟然天真的曾經以為童桐只有好的那一面,如甚麼完美的聖女。748Please respect copyright.PENANA2r5pBswNMq
748Please respect copyright.PENANA3e8qO6SA0K
現在殘酷而赤裸裸的事實放在眼前,至於接受與否便是我們的課題了。748Please respect copyright.PENANAjH0QfGSXlO
748Please respect copyright.PENANAa1YbIUdiaW
即使我和童桐身上都穿著衣服,但卻比起過往十多年來任何時候還要更加赤裸,更加坦誠相見。748Please respect copyright.PENANAqhS2TcSNMh
748Please respect copyright.PENANAoTUzfr4D5H
「你肯定?」我冷冷地說。748Please respect copyright.PENANAUHUhw5Sw5E
748Please respect copyright.PENANAhtw1B5buB1
她還不知道我幹了甚麼。748Please respect copyright.PENANA6PBzNRyQae
748Please respect copyright.PENANAHKYyEqtZW6
她還不知道我曾經打算幹甚麼。748Please respect copyright.PENANAMgackAfM4d
748Please respect copyright.PENANAicKbSuwyYW
「…嗯。」她說,「我,我又有咩資格話你?無論你做過咩都好…」748Please respect copyright.PENANAFlTcbwSofs
748Please respect copyright.PENANAKJci4FTmZJ
童桐雙眼發光,好像在淹水中捉到了救生圈一樣。748Please respect copyright.PENANA8OjwffKPtz
748Please respect copyright.PENANAEuW0mZWgmI
「所以你覺得如果我都有一個黑暗面,一個黑化版既呀遊,我就同你一樣自私,同你一樣有唔見得光既一面,所以我地就平起平座,我就應該接受你,然後可以如以前一樣?」748Please respect copyright.PENANAoRbJWR3jIJ
748Please respect copyright.PENANAV26iQtd1Kx
「…唔係咁…」卻被我看穿了。748Please respect copyright.PENANAd8EiYTsD1T
748Please respect copyright.PENANA81tTbSo8m0
「定係我咁講正合你意,咁樣你內心會舒服D,因為自甘墜落既人唔止你一個?」748Please respect copyright.PENANAJ8sQ3oQDef
748Please respect copyright.PENANA2lg1LDEtsX
「唔係咁,唔係咁唔係咁,呀遊,唔好咁講,求下你…」童桐哭著說。748Please respect copyright.PENANAvY1Vg5NMoN
748Please respect copyright.PENANAoFTb9WVLTl
「…童桐,我地永遠都唔可能好似以前一樣。」748Please respect copyright.PENANAfefszfNgH1
748Please respect copyright.PENANAfBgOf8eccO
然後,我推開了她。748Please respect copyright.PENANAopHfOTPuYk
748Please respect copyright.PENANAsyLzuxkc33
史無前例地,我推開了正準近我,打算向我撒嬌的童桐。748Please respect copyright.PENANADgRnf3iuGY
748Please respect copyright.PENANA8DpqokI2lv
「……」她露出寂寞的眼神。748Please respect copyright.PENANAEdhFQxBMCo
748Please respect copyright.PENANAMFJW98MjUV
「你講得岩,我都有另一面,我都有做過D唔想俾你知既事。」我低頭說,「但…我好亂,我唔知,我唔知點樣面對你,同你一樣。」748Please respect copyright.PENANAV9Akg9fWV1
748Please respect copyright.PENANA7DjLXWkDuH
「邊個會無?我鐘意你,即使你有咩秘密都好我都一定會…」童桐說。748Please respect copyright.PENANAs23bh3b1Yq
748Please respect copyright.PENANATbhHW1rJlh
「我係你就唔會咁講。」我苦笑。748Please respect copyright.PENANAT2DrTfvfIl
748Please respect copyright.PENANAVVqS4kr7DD
「係…?」748Please respect copyright.PENANAhmak87jv6q
748Please respect copyright.PENANA0A8SEOYABV
「我個時都咁講過,我話無論你做過咩,有咩秘密我都會接受到…然後我個心就碎左。」我輕撫自己的胸口。748Please respect copyright.PENANA42YxB4QiNQ
748Please respect copyright.PENANAIb5c4AYZcx
愈是鐘愛於幻象,現實就更加殘酷。748Please respect copyright.PENANAS2MX1olJxv
748Please respect copyright.PENANAYZGU3809bV
夢中愈是甘甜,現實便愈見苦澀。748Please respect copyright.PENANAYQx6YOuazW
748Please respect copyright.PENANAM8HcJi1CsK
「我唔信,呀遊你唔同我,你係個好人…」748Please respect copyright.PENANA9xmXzSKF7O
748Please respect copyright.PENANA6yiLhy8sD3
「我先唔係。」748Please respect copyright.PENANAEn3o5YvNp4
748Please respect copyright.PENANA0P9MELiFI5
我早就不是甚麼好人。748Please respect copyright.PENANAlX0Ang6HVg
748Please respect copyright.PENANAHVSGLL19N0
從明明連人家名字還沒記住便去追求人家,胡亂表白開始,到之後的事。748Please respect copyright.PENANA5Z65kN2Wqy
748Please respect copyright.PENANASTp4RVJgUu
我才不是「除了射箭甚麼也不會」的人。748Please respect copyright.PENANA4A3Rov4eYF
748Please respect copyright.PENANAhbS71dQglM
「咁你講出黎。」她說,「我寧願你親口講,都唔想某日自己發現。」748Please respect copyright.PENANAZdOtualMs0
748Please respect copyright.PENANAvuRM4dWqq6
「……」748Please respect copyright.PENANAsXqcpmMcst
748Please respect copyright.PENANAXjGEHlgJmD
是我害得植嵐晨自殺。748Please respect copyright.PENANAXloLIwXIOM
748Please respect copyright.PENANAxUsGNW6CbR
那天我差點按下了清理瀏覽記錄而間接害死他。748Please respect copyright.PENANA2QY86vyrqq
748Please respect copyright.PENANA9G28czZlCw
為了勝利我打算吃禁藥。748Please respect copyright.PENANAyJxloOtBI9
748Please respect copyright.PENANAtyT9F9NhE1
我和妍妍有了肉體關係,但沒打算負責任。748Please respect copyright.PENANAL8gxjUR7dS
748Please respect copyright.PENANAbltjz0KJT6
當天第一次妍妍出現在水上樂園是,其實是PTGF。748Please respect copyright.PENANAf2fUvnJKxV
748Please respect copyright.PENANA8d5uwKYEGZ
中學時那連串的表白行為,其中一些我可是明知有男朋友也照去馬。748Please respect copyright.PENANAgycEY99nOX
748Please respect copyright.PENANAVw5uAHDvvG
……那年我打算過自殺,甚至已經完成了氦氣袋的試作型。748Please respect copyright.PENANAmdzYFYcNag
748Please respect copyright.PENANAnh9ASFo6hj
「呀遊,我地大家今晚都互相坦白喇…然後睇下點樣互相接受到對方,好唔好?我唔想無左你呢個青梅竹馬,無論做唔做到情侶都好。」童桐說。748Please respect copyright.PENANAPGvwysbwR2
748Please respect copyright.PENANADLf18rY1ws
「我諗…今晚我地都攰。」我說,「我求其煮個公仔麵就返過去。」748Please respect copyright.PENANAh8ZwFhBIb4
748Please respect copyright.PENANA3R002BgfE1
「呀遊…」748Please respect copyright.PENANAsjVlL6pyrt
748Please respect copyright.PENANAukT9sjUHto
「我會講。」我說,「只係…唔係今晚,我要,童桐,對唔住,我…做唔到…我好攰,我好撚亂呀,你明唔明呀。」748Please respect copyright.PENANApH70h0XKf4
748Please respect copyright.PENANAdEZt1ROOXQ
我試圖以過去的眼光看待她。748Please respect copyright.PENANAo7rSymU5pI
748Please respect copyright.PENANAASJin6224l
做不到。748Please respect copyright.PENANAfaP2JV73Mk
748Please respect copyright.PENANAn9PZUZaYjs
我試圖向她坦白自己做過的一切。748Please respect copyright.PENANAGEY92J9Hcj
748Please respect copyright.PENANAGJzhGSl7Gc
做不到。748Please respect copyright.PENANA06hiZVFpt6
748Please respect copyright.PENANANJpHrngH90
既然我知道了她的真面目後這樣激動,這樣看待她,反過來…其實也一樣吧。748Please respect copyright.PENANAN1aUZUF2eg
748Please respect copyright.PENANATHeMqovNsk
只是現在是我在暗,她在明,她才這樣向我告解一樣。748Please respect copyright.PENANASIEVFXOLhd
748Please respect copyright.PENANAKCY436HZpx
下午離開Beta那兒之前,他幫我設定了一個倒數計時,現在距離核彈爆炸只剩下167小時。748Please respect copyright.PENANAT5FGYoLH90
748Please respect copyright.PENANAxRCP0L39DT
我沒有高童桐一等,更別說是道德高地。748Please respect copyright.PENANA9Uk9sI93vv
748Please respect copyright.PENANAfVuAY4VhMj
所以我也沒法狠狠罵她一頓,然後說要帶她回正途,連這樣子我也做不到,這才是現在一切膠著,一切如陷五里霧中的原因。748Please respect copyright.PENANABGzVu0P1EE
748Please respect copyright.PENANAtxUcVgVOoP
既,沒法坦白。748Please respect copyright.PENANApM7OBrZzgk
748Please respect copyright.PENANAVIOUg9W3yt
又,沒法斥責。748Please respect copyright.PENANA9dWYAgyD5U
748Please respect copyright.PENANAfhmjOY36nl
既,沒法接受。748Please respect copyright.PENANAOmCKjVqe9g
748Please respect copyright.PENANArJeeE7jb7D
也,沒法忘記。748Please respect copyright.PENANA5ZDLqlEzeL
748Please respect copyright.PENANAFvRfFUsQ7l
而且…也沒法理解。748Please respect copyright.PENANAb0uIyLHcqC
748Please respect copyright.PENANAzMSP0EI32x
明明妍妍叫我不用在意她,去處理和童桐之間的事,結果卻變成了這樣子。748Please respect copyright.PENANAYsFFZd5hVa
748Please respect copyright.PENANAPofkgEnAvZ
反倒有點對不起她了呢,我這爛人。748Please respect copyright.PENANAgb0imJex1v
748Please respect copyright.PENANAOC6Mo8GOoy
我轉身胡亂地擦去眼淚,以免自己在童桐面前出醜。但這時背上傳來陣陣的溫暖,陣陣的柔軟,童桐從後抱住我,把頭靠到我背脊上,用耳朵貼住我的肌肉聆聽著我的心跳。748Please respect copyright.PENANAVt6ZYwM7nn
748Please respect copyright.PENANA5at1D4VnGw
「只要你係我身邊,你要嬲我幾耐都無所謂。」748Please respect copyright.PENANArUzl8rUkfS
748Please respect copyright.PENANAznQTl0G51W
「……」748Please respect copyright.PENANADrq64ZTDpw
748Please respect copyright.PENANAygNI1ChLQg
「因為我地都應承過大家,嬲幾耐都好,最後都會搵返對方,唔準絕交,唔準永遠唔彩對方落去架嘛。」748Please respect copyright.PENANAI71v1KBwWY
748Please respect copyright.PENANAAK95pwvrcY
她能聽到我的脈動,反之亦然。748Please respect copyright.PENANA3KfmnU6PlG
748Please respect copyright.PENANAi44ASuF3UW
我雖然沒法直接聽到,但我感受著童桐的每一下呼吸,每一下心跳,胸膛的每一起伏。748Please respect copyright.PENANA4SdscLkTeu
748Please respect copyright.PENANAl0uuJol1in
「只要你無事就好,我個晚真係好驚。」童桐說。748Please respect copyright.PENANAGmljejFqa1
748Please respect copyright.PENANAdP3B8cK6K3
「嗯,我都睇到係你救左我。」748Please respect copyright.PENANAjRq7eFEMY7
748Please respect copyright.PENANAZKcSos4sfP
「但即係係咁…即使你會討厭我,即使你個下已經知道左我係Dora,我唔知點面對你…我都唔想你有事。」748Please respect copyright.PENANAuf4aiCGCsJ
748Please respect copyright.PENANAGyAG3oeWv5
曾經她只求唯有我別討厭她。748Please respect copyright.PENANAo2BsxrBHj9
748Please respect copyright.PENANAUvnKTZhXBC
曾經她即使全世界討厭她也不怕,因為有我在她身邊。748Please respect copyright.PENANASbNv5A43yq
748Please respect copyright.PENANAh4Bfy9rdZT
…現在即使連我也討厭她,她也只想我安全健康。748Please respect copyright.PENANAQp5QNqh965
748Please respect copyright.PENANApm7i1rBKVl
你叫我怎樣對你生氣,童桐。748Please respect copyright.PENANAv6Nq1MFnfJ
748Please respect copyright.PENANAtNVz1irhOL
「我…好多謝你,童桐。」我說,的確是她救了我。748Please respect copyright.PENANAErwJ31baeu
748Please respect copyright.PENANAPZDat8fNxU
「…到你覺得可以講既時候,就同我講。」童桐說,「我地只要互相坦白,然後互相再接受,互相理解對方,一定可以捱過呢一關。」748Please respect copyright.PENANADaEQlS1QkO
748Please respect copyright.PENANAFtkXbOL73e
咦?748Please respect copyright.PENANAAPROvPrDU3
748Please respect copyright.PENANADK11cPF4IC
腦中如一道清泉流過…我覺得這就是我和童桐最大的差異之處。748Please respect copyright.PENANA8dGYS4r4a7
748Please respect copyright.PENANAs4MyIyPyKf
「接受與否」,是我的想法。748Please respect copyright.PENANAsxNUPRU0Ah
748Please respect copyright.PENANA2F4Y3bLggy
「如何接受」,是童桐的想法。748Please respect copyright.PENANAsZI1XZYn9l
748Please respect copyright.PENANASkRodASFU2
那天晚上我和童桐沒有得出任何答案,甚至說沒有任何進展。748Please respect copyright.PENANAqWnpgeUM1I
748Please respect copyright.PENANA1dzc1kSvPy
她甚至沒有提出我希望中的苦衷,使我可以諒解的苦衷,只能得出「性格使然」的絕望答案。748Please respect copyright.PENANAmLel6Yd7uI
748Please respect copyright.PENANA86h3FXXEoN
老實說,場面比我想像中平靜,至少我們沒有向對方咆哮或痛哭。748Please respect copyright.PENANAiK5SSdetF6
748Please respect copyright.PENANAEUUkvdihQx
但是…無力感漸漸佔據了空氣,佔據了心底,連情緒該發洩向何處也沒有著力點。748Please respect copyright.PENANA9o5TXsPfJp
748Please respect copyright.PENANAKSc8RUaDGv
我寧願和她痛痛快快吵一架,也不想這樣子…748Please respect copyright.PENANAbeUyxFDfAi
748Please respect copyright.PENANAACi5iomLT9
…我真的不想。748Please respect copyright.PENANA6bVToostCH
748Please respect copyright.PENANA5KWUyL9KvN
至於和她坦白的話,我覺得不是時候,所以也沒有說出口。我需要時間去沉澱,去思考,去好好盤算接下來的做法。748Please respect copyright.PENANAInYMlLLCH5
748Please respect copyright.PENANAtrLCrXfqwS
活了在幻象中廿多年的我,被狠狠地摔到現實中。748Please respect copyright.PENANAUZ6L6EbAMD
748Please respect copyright.PENANAkJWaKr7QSH
現在我要學習在現實中活下去。748Please respect copyright.PENANA3B8rKyVQcp
748Please respect copyright.PENANAoAMYD92RQY
第二天早上,距離核彈發射還有153小時。748Please respect copyright.PENANAy9L8RZYygm
748Please respect copyright.PENANAT5Rav1aj79
童桐的窗簾現在到了早上醒來…也再沒有打開了。748Please respect copyright.PENANAHUi0PMCVVg
748Please respect copyright.PENANAqQSQ1lqBHc
那兒,只有一片茫然和我心中懷念。
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【實體書有售】《青梅竹馬真係最難追》
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【實體書有售】《青梅竹馬真係最難追》
Author:
陳立正
ISSUE #65
結局篇III:我們都沒法理解15082022
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