但現實是這樣又如何?1016Please respect copyright.PENANAE5bTcFtXw4
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沒法理解,沒法接受。1016Please respect copyright.PENANASVnGTGwlQf
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童桐變了,已經不再是我小時候認識的那個她。1016Please respect copyright.PENANASSlpwUjEC4
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但現實對我來說,過於…難以理解。1016Please respect copyright.PENANA0PDdxndkYL
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她甚至連一個苦衷也不編,一個謊也不撒。1016Please respect copyright.PENANApfYbKXCVM7
1016Please respect copyright.PENANAHRv3QJtTXk
要該高興嗎,還是要哭?我曾經視她如宗教一樣的存在,現在卻。1016Please respect copyright.PENANA82GsfokQM9
1016Please respect copyright.PENANAJqQnPuaJak
現在卻。1016Please respect copyright.PENANAsQ7H4q2GWX
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感覺最近情緒上的衝擊,我已沒法作出正確的反應,腦海被攪成一團糊糨。我掩著臉搖著頭,恍如因射箭而滿是厚繭的雙手,能為我提供一個避風港。1016Please respect copyright.PENANAQaaSLy9WA5
1016Please respect copyright.PENANAQqPWnXNeOH
因為我的避風巷已經毀了。1016Please respect copyright.PENANA2lJT1keRAi
1016Please respect copyright.PENANAXntXI0kWJ7
因為我的童年…1016Please respect copyright.PENANAgZRanrNQ31
1016Please respect copyright.PENANAgZ8lt6xKGb
…真真正正的,結束了。1016Please respect copyright.PENANAi0nowbTNgF
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「呀遊,我地都有唔想俾任何人見到既一面…我相信你都有。」童桐說,「但即使係咁…我都會接受,呀遊,因為由所有面向組成既…先係完整既你。」1016Please respect copyright.PENANACUCVsQn5lg
1016Please respect copyright.PENANAg11LTyjOog
甚麼是好人,甚麼是壞人?1016Please respect copyright.PENANAxPuxo0p86K
1016Please respect copyright.PENANAnC5lRV1wwG
壞人在自己的故事中,也是一個英雄。1016Please respect copyright.PENANAJk3UK2leIq
1016Please respect copyright.PENANAiycmKAckLe
捐錢幫助窮人的慈善家,也有人視之為資本主義中的剝削者。1016Please respect copyright.PENANAJrPYnh8Usn
1016Please respect copyright.PENANAf4CO4OrJXt
不用說到這樣宏大,我媽也不是沒被人說過HR死全家,我爸把釣到的魚放上網和人分享也被動保主義者說血腥屠夫。1016Please respect copyright.PENANAqt8u8F33ZU
1016Please respect copyright.PENANAGwUl0YFQWg
但對我來說,二人都是父母,是家人。1016Please respect copyright.PENANA5p6TVyVnTV
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不同人對於不同人來說,可以同時是好人,同時亦是壞人。1016Please respect copyright.PENANApcmjMF2wg4
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…但當距離親近如我和童桐這樣,所有面向便互相嵌鑲成一個完整的存在,並非一個單獨面向。1016Please respect copyright.PENANA0eOC6g0QhT
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愛慕她的好。1016Please respect copyright.PENANANtgwP9AdHW
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便要接受她的壞。1016Please respect copyright.PENANAztpxtBw03z
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我竟然天真的曾經以為童桐只有好的那一面,如甚麼完美的聖女。1016Please respect copyright.PENANAPBRbCHoLWE
1016Please respect copyright.PENANAjV5hLNcdzk
現在殘酷而赤裸裸的事實放在眼前,至於接受與否便是我們的課題了。1016Please respect copyright.PENANA9A5PztLr0m
1016Please respect copyright.PENANAdJPuNZM6sj
即使我和童桐身上都穿著衣服,但卻比起過往十多年來任何時候還要更加赤裸,更加坦誠相見。1016Please respect copyright.PENANAb86ZyYO2A5
1016Please respect copyright.PENANAt77S0C6onN
「你肯定?」我冷冷地說。1016Please respect copyright.PENANAWurwt4GA7R
1016Please respect copyright.PENANABx3FGapJy8
她還不知道我幹了甚麼。1016Please respect copyright.PENANAtz4zGfOm4E
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她還不知道我曾經打算幹甚麼。1016Please respect copyright.PENANABVpgWn39Mn
1016Please respect copyright.PENANABh1xPYMXmW
「…嗯。」她說,「我,我又有咩資格話你?無論你做過咩都好…」1016Please respect copyright.PENANAMMHP5kohgC
1016Please respect copyright.PENANA8pQ3L5HH1o
童桐雙眼發光,好像在淹水中捉到了救生圈一樣。1016Please respect copyright.PENANAsoS19nroZB
1016Please respect copyright.PENANALWBYPjlJGT
「所以你覺得如果我都有一個黑暗面,一個黑化版既呀遊,我就同你一樣自私,同你一樣有唔見得光既一面,所以我地就平起平座,我就應該接受你,然後可以如以前一樣?」1016Please respect copyright.PENANAmjh5Qn85UO
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「…唔係咁…」卻被我看穿了。1016Please respect copyright.PENANAFKpiIQDl8u
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「定係我咁講正合你意,咁樣你內心會舒服D,因為自甘墜落既人唔止你一個?」1016Please respect copyright.PENANAHX4DElTbMg
1016Please respect copyright.PENANAXYC28QufFD
「唔係咁,唔係咁唔係咁,呀遊,唔好咁講,求下你…」童桐哭著說。1016Please respect copyright.PENANARGuhpP0pzO
1016Please respect copyright.PENANADmC5koOU4e
「…童桐,我地永遠都唔可能好似以前一樣。」1016Please respect copyright.PENANAObiHH99Msy
1016Please respect copyright.PENANAGcv18mceKi
然後,我推開了她。1016Please respect copyright.PENANA91CTOeAe9v
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史無前例地,我推開了正準近我,打算向我撒嬌的童桐。1016Please respect copyright.PENANABDb7XgCi7K
1016Please respect copyright.PENANAdp1HluC4nr
「……」她露出寂寞的眼神。1016Please respect copyright.PENANAZucYHHZUHR
1016Please respect copyright.PENANATVrfrfJmfY
「你講得岩,我都有另一面,我都有做過D唔想俾你知既事。」我低頭說,「但…我好亂,我唔知,我唔知點樣面對你,同你一樣。」1016Please respect copyright.PENANABd5x3ycgKY
1016Please respect copyright.PENANAlThN8zI1Z5
「邊個會無?我鐘意你,即使你有咩秘密都好我都一定會…」童桐說。1016Please respect copyright.PENANAohV9uhCi4R
1016Please respect copyright.PENANAmMe5DSci5o
「我係你就唔會咁講。」我苦笑。1016Please respect copyright.PENANABpskco5l8g
1016Please respect copyright.PENANAdJX7RUGXhD
「係…?」1016Please respect copyright.PENANAtipszdxx5m
1016Please respect copyright.PENANAJrcasss8wB
「我個時都咁講過,我話無論你做過咩,有咩秘密我都會接受到…然後我個心就碎左。」我輕撫自己的胸口。1016Please respect copyright.PENANACSDIYBb0Av
1016Please respect copyright.PENANAryeimwrStw
愈是鐘愛於幻象,現實就更加殘酷。1016Please respect copyright.PENANA5TKZLcTUqM
1016Please respect copyright.PENANAZ1Uew4SPxQ
夢中愈是甘甜,現實便愈見苦澀。1016Please respect copyright.PENANAjz28V2WmSe
1016Please respect copyright.PENANA9f9d8vBkjz
「我唔信,呀遊你唔同我,你係個好人…」1016Please respect copyright.PENANAATW3QTxALv
1016Please respect copyright.PENANAYjeIrBb4tf
「我先唔係。」1016Please respect copyright.PENANAKDgxXRqDyL
1016Please respect copyright.PENANAGRxpDXubgy
我早就不是甚麼好人。1016Please respect copyright.PENANAyNxx7Ykk2i
1016Please respect copyright.PENANAQtIKrGOUp8
從明明連人家名字還沒記住便去追求人家,胡亂表白開始,到之後的事。1016Please respect copyright.PENANATixRVrUVyU
1016Please respect copyright.PENANAYwzSbaj7bA
我才不是「除了射箭甚麼也不會」的人。1016Please respect copyright.PENANAvdJYB9jEfw
1016Please respect copyright.PENANAyXWNCQP0ne
「咁你講出黎。」她說,「我寧願你親口講,都唔想某日自己發現。」1016Please respect copyright.PENANAqcGusf7OL4
1016Please respect copyright.PENANA2oWWrmlEHj
「……」1016Please respect copyright.PENANAqp2E2NjTAu
1016Please respect copyright.PENANAz2uhPuI4hI
是我害得植嵐晨自殺。1016Please respect copyright.PENANAh5pQZ5346Z
1016Please respect copyright.PENANAY5V3OlFYOz
那天我差點按下了清理瀏覽記錄而間接害死他。1016Please respect copyright.PENANAnkY55MfTWY
1016Please respect copyright.PENANAmi8UdGHk2f
為了勝利我打算吃禁藥。1016Please respect copyright.PENANAtAP5fulpe2
1016Please respect copyright.PENANAEEO4q0w2Pe
我和妍妍有了肉體關係,但沒打算負責任。1016Please respect copyright.PENANAg2oaHpItpQ
1016Please respect copyright.PENANA2vUDE4AFG8
當天第一次妍妍出現在水上樂園是,其實是PTGF。1016Please respect copyright.PENANAaOlJ5gcOBe
1016Please respect copyright.PENANAh4AIUHLPCC
中學時那連串的表白行為,其中一些我可是明知有男朋友也照去馬。1016Please respect copyright.PENANAa9DOdXgxve
1016Please respect copyright.PENANAD6Idw1cIU9
……那年我打算過自殺,甚至已經完成了氦氣袋的試作型。1016Please respect copyright.PENANAAVixdczWvp
1016Please respect copyright.PENANAO1xffnT0hE
「呀遊,我地大家今晚都互相坦白喇…然後睇下點樣互相接受到對方,好唔好?我唔想無左你呢個青梅竹馬,無論做唔做到情侶都好。」童桐說。1016Please respect copyright.PENANAAalKw3nK1U
1016Please respect copyright.PENANAmaPWzHZ5b7
「我諗…今晚我地都攰。」我說,「我求其煮個公仔麵就返過去。」1016Please respect copyright.PENANA65tGPSgsdh
1016Please respect copyright.PENANAj9PEcLoI3S
「呀遊…」1016Please respect copyright.PENANA5WqUaUsmdg
1016Please respect copyright.PENANAqfQdzvrWGl
「我會講。」我說,「只係…唔係今晚,我要,童桐,對唔住,我…做唔到…我好攰,我好撚亂呀,你明唔明呀。」1016Please respect copyright.PENANAOw52WrTy4W
1016Please respect copyright.PENANA5Leradtm4e
我試圖以過去的眼光看待她。1016Please respect copyright.PENANAgLRYrmI4M6
1016Please respect copyright.PENANAEoFOzunSp6
做不到。1016Please respect copyright.PENANAqoXdMlQ1v5
1016Please respect copyright.PENANAJorw45TEGW
我試圖向她坦白自己做過的一切。1016Please respect copyright.PENANAa1rOlEwsgJ
1016Please respect copyright.PENANAh37cRrYaoH
做不到。1016Please respect copyright.PENANAOf3JnSiV4o
1016Please respect copyright.PENANAZlgEJyU04V
既然我知道了她的真面目後這樣激動,這樣看待她,反過來…其實也一樣吧。1016Please respect copyright.PENANAmNzjTO0NYQ
1016Please respect copyright.PENANAYttMuBiX6Z
只是現在是我在暗,她在明,她才這樣向我告解一樣。1016Please respect copyright.PENANAkPpwwU5CHn
1016Please respect copyright.PENANAFEWJNR4neq
下午離開Beta那兒之前,他幫我設定了一個倒數計時,現在距離核彈爆炸只剩下167小時。1016Please respect copyright.PENANAsCMcl4XBjn
1016Please respect copyright.PENANAtdUWAA6Onq
我沒有高童桐一等,更別說是道德高地。1016Please respect copyright.PENANAZpqvuvEliK
1016Please respect copyright.PENANAvwwiV56oho
所以我也沒法狠狠罵她一頓,然後說要帶她回正途,連這樣子我也做不到,這才是現在一切膠著,一切如陷五里霧中的原因。1016Please respect copyright.PENANAjPHwIWihxz
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既,沒法坦白。1016Please respect copyright.PENANA0eakjxN1TC
1016Please respect copyright.PENANA6ohAFyjlzP
又,沒法斥責。1016Please respect copyright.PENANAZTBmVaWwBS
1016Please respect copyright.PENANA68jZYsx5wU
既,沒法接受。1016Please respect copyright.PENANAa36WmA2Fec
1016Please respect copyright.PENANAbPOYjMEZ4V
也,沒法忘記。1016Please respect copyright.PENANAay3w02Rggv
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而且…也沒法理解。1016Please respect copyright.PENANASbxtdn600u
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明明妍妍叫我不用在意她,去處理和童桐之間的事,結果卻變成了這樣子。1016Please respect copyright.PENANAnKs1zNPGPD
1016Please respect copyright.PENANAeWnM6NYW0Q
反倒有點對不起她了呢,我這爛人。1016Please respect copyright.PENANALMf21RKLNE
1016Please respect copyright.PENANAGRvZPJJXYK
我轉身胡亂地擦去眼淚,以免自己在童桐面前出醜。但這時背上傳來陣陣的溫暖,陣陣的柔軟,童桐從後抱住我,把頭靠到我背脊上,用耳朵貼住我的肌肉聆聽著我的心跳。1016Please respect copyright.PENANAovgGzOehYK
1016Please respect copyright.PENANAGwHXLlTC3v
「只要你係我身邊,你要嬲我幾耐都無所謂。」1016Please respect copyright.PENANA3L88zA93Kd
1016Please respect copyright.PENANAgAWSP171UV
「……」1016Please respect copyright.PENANAuzDb5KnvuQ
1016Please respect copyright.PENANAqRTfwvmrWA
「因為我地都應承過大家,嬲幾耐都好,最後都會搵返對方,唔準絕交,唔準永遠唔彩對方落去架嘛。」1016Please respect copyright.PENANATghiTr7g7s
1016Please respect copyright.PENANA7K990sSxdV
她能聽到我的脈動,反之亦然。1016Please respect copyright.PENANAcaBtYSL3Uo
1016Please respect copyright.PENANAlxn78L3UhZ
我雖然沒法直接聽到,但我感受著童桐的每一下呼吸,每一下心跳,胸膛的每一起伏。1016Please respect copyright.PENANApUbHFJ4W92
1016Please respect copyright.PENANAfiC8HTYCoF
「只要你無事就好,我個晚真係好驚。」童桐說。1016Please respect copyright.PENANAu5GUbdHaXd
1016Please respect copyright.PENANAf6BPep7Pj6
「嗯,我都睇到係你救左我。」1016Please respect copyright.PENANA1YcEHxFzz6
1016Please respect copyright.PENANAfLQ8Z2l2E9
「但即係係咁…即使你會討厭我,即使你個下已經知道左我係Dora,我唔知點面對你…我都唔想你有事。」1016Please respect copyright.PENANAlAaL6lNxdd
1016Please respect copyright.PENANANAqbQ8IxJD
曾經她只求唯有我別討厭她。1016Please respect copyright.PENANA4om4xlhsEg
1016Please respect copyright.PENANA5UlKVL4q5L
曾經她即使全世界討厭她也不怕,因為有我在她身邊。1016Please respect copyright.PENANAhvUxjUmOXl
1016Please respect copyright.PENANAARCcHV7Y2X
…現在即使連我也討厭她,她也只想我安全健康。1016Please respect copyright.PENANApSKBg4sEX0
1016Please respect copyright.PENANAqkCbKVSC4m
你叫我怎樣對你生氣,童桐。1016Please respect copyright.PENANA72hopTltTJ
1016Please respect copyright.PENANAxYOdbKR0I7
「我…好多謝你,童桐。」我說,的確是她救了我。1016Please respect copyright.PENANAQaBsTZ9ZCH
1016Please respect copyright.PENANA6r7KkAqrR6
「…到你覺得可以講既時候,就同我講。」童桐說,「我地只要互相坦白,然後互相再接受,互相理解對方,一定可以捱過呢一關。」1016Please respect copyright.PENANAeqEhx5kyaw
1016Please respect copyright.PENANASDZyGefgUm
咦?1016Please respect copyright.PENANAhIQhTMG4VY
1016Please respect copyright.PENANAmAiAiJYh3y
腦中如一道清泉流過…我覺得這就是我和童桐最大的差異之處。1016Please respect copyright.PENANAjQ1ELdbeGi
1016Please respect copyright.PENANAPylrLKcG9E
「接受與否」,是我的想法。1016Please respect copyright.PENANAcIGQ77d1dw
1016Please respect copyright.PENANAmTXuw336VF
「如何接受」,是童桐的想法。1016Please respect copyright.PENANAjgsjofjAcX
1016Please respect copyright.PENANAUDpg1Y0E1D
那天晚上我和童桐沒有得出任何答案,甚至說沒有任何進展。1016Please respect copyright.PENANAJfaWjSz6vI
1016Please respect copyright.PENANAYyWbBy7U9c
她甚至沒有提出我希望中的苦衷,使我可以諒解的苦衷,只能得出「性格使然」的絕望答案。1016Please respect copyright.PENANAV9ExMmOJ8b
1016Please respect copyright.PENANACNQEEqWb4t
老實說,場面比我想像中平靜,至少我們沒有向對方咆哮或痛哭。1016Please respect copyright.PENANAG2jTr9WzCA
1016Please respect copyright.PENANA2VO9H60rGl
但是…無力感漸漸佔據了空氣,佔據了心底,連情緒該發洩向何處也沒有著力點。1016Please respect copyright.PENANAgI3z2gK5iK
1016Please respect copyright.PENANAAhYhshhQsi
我寧願和她痛痛快快吵一架,也不想這樣子…1016Please respect copyright.PENANAKn60CRYQgY
1016Please respect copyright.PENANAC6OYaR3TGu
…我真的不想。1016Please respect copyright.PENANAhCzmyRitWk
1016Please respect copyright.PENANArPFvoti3XQ
至於和她坦白的話,我覺得不是時候,所以也沒有說出口。我需要時間去沉澱,去思考,去好好盤算接下來的做法。1016Please respect copyright.PENANAxIR0e62rAT
1016Please respect copyright.PENANAfoQh25kmkY
活了在幻象中廿多年的我,被狠狠地摔到現實中。1016Please respect copyright.PENANA06SLZ3AGGb
1016Please respect copyright.PENANAZA7pdq3MBz
現在我要學習在現實中活下去。1016Please respect copyright.PENANAjCnOUHiE0Z
1016Please respect copyright.PENANAQNeTnez2NN
第二天早上,距離核彈發射還有153小時。1016Please respect copyright.PENANAAcw2mZMVUO
1016Please respect copyright.PENANAr34pGHZRrR
童桐的窗簾現在到了早上醒來…也再沒有打開了。1016Please respect copyright.PENANAh7tOpeXcok
1016Please respect copyright.PENANANhABzqEZjU
那兒,只有一片茫然和我心中懷念。
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【實體書有售】《青梅竹馬真係最難追》
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【實體書有售】《青梅竹馬真係最難追》
作者:
陳立正

篇 #65
結局篇III:我們都沒法理解15082022
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