但現實是這樣又如何?756Please respect copyright.PENANA1WoNe84kCe
756Please respect copyright.PENANAcfOnsLgvh7
沒法理解,沒法接受。756Please respect copyright.PENANATWUHrxjbed
756Please respect copyright.PENANAVXIsmMD7fQ
童桐變了,已經不再是我小時候認識的那個她。756Please respect copyright.PENANA9LvjlarTgD
756Please respect copyright.PENANAfshPc2acdM
但現實對我來說,過於…難以理解。756Please respect copyright.PENANACJ7XnLhp9s
756Please respect copyright.PENANAhUP62yVv5A
她甚至連一個苦衷也不編,一個謊也不撒。756Please respect copyright.PENANAtOOu1vhwNr
756Please respect copyright.PENANAyQHAEk5viq
要該高興嗎,還是要哭?我曾經視她如宗教一樣的存在,現在卻。756Please respect copyright.PENANA8gMvIJU9T8
756Please respect copyright.PENANA8p0FaDBtJa
現在卻。756Please respect copyright.PENANAPmDiIbft3R
756Please respect copyright.PENANAOjYVxxFLfw
感覺最近情緒上的衝擊,我已沒法作出正確的反應,腦海被攪成一團糊糨。我掩著臉搖著頭,恍如因射箭而滿是厚繭的雙手,能為我提供一個避風港。756Please respect copyright.PENANAjz71sYUFDI
756Please respect copyright.PENANAeLzPKZ12aB
因為我的避風巷已經毀了。756Please respect copyright.PENANAW4Aebb0tZa
756Please respect copyright.PENANAFEuJNVmfHC
因為我的童年…756Please respect copyright.PENANAX7x1asCXJG
756Please respect copyright.PENANA7OXQCjd34c
…真真正正的,結束了。756Please respect copyright.PENANAx6wC3w3muT
756Please respect copyright.PENANAIpNDhen5Br
「呀遊,我地都有唔想俾任何人見到既一面…我相信你都有。」童桐說,「但即使係咁…我都會接受,呀遊,因為由所有面向組成既…先係完整既你。」756Please respect copyright.PENANAXkna4iu2nr
756Please respect copyright.PENANAAXkwYFw4Ix
甚麼是好人,甚麼是壞人?756Please respect copyright.PENANAhy9bc1wC1O
756Please respect copyright.PENANAuFfIFigZJu
壞人在自己的故事中,也是一個英雄。756Please respect copyright.PENANA4W2p1NGzvm
756Please respect copyright.PENANAl8KIQTo2gV
捐錢幫助窮人的慈善家,也有人視之為資本主義中的剝削者。756Please respect copyright.PENANA66Fb6acZxc
756Please respect copyright.PENANALQKRbnnbiV
不用說到這樣宏大,我媽也不是沒被人說過HR死全家,我爸把釣到的魚放上網和人分享也被動保主義者說血腥屠夫。756Please respect copyright.PENANAAx68KFfXzw
756Please respect copyright.PENANAZhBYMdfKcI
但對我來說,二人都是父母,是家人。756Please respect copyright.PENANAjd3z5IV4Bc
756Please respect copyright.PENANAatARnH3HN0
不同人對於不同人來說,可以同時是好人,同時亦是壞人。756Please respect copyright.PENANAr0RkTaxM4s
756Please respect copyright.PENANAATwwvcAo6H
…但當距離親近如我和童桐這樣,所有面向便互相嵌鑲成一個完整的存在,並非一個單獨面向。756Please respect copyright.PENANA1tGiPJNueW
756Please respect copyright.PENANAO5SGSIuoTt
愛慕她的好。756Please respect copyright.PENANAbNGB5IVekk
756Please respect copyright.PENANAT9QDXHSO3V
便要接受她的壞。756Please respect copyright.PENANAOPn8LGJjLN
756Please respect copyright.PENANAXNCgK4KXwq
我竟然天真的曾經以為童桐只有好的那一面,如甚麼完美的聖女。756Please respect copyright.PENANAJL9b3m2cLi
756Please respect copyright.PENANAuwFJithdQC
現在殘酷而赤裸裸的事實放在眼前,至於接受與否便是我們的課題了。756Please respect copyright.PENANAG1BxtU0w85
756Please respect copyright.PENANAHjFrfInRUc
即使我和童桐身上都穿著衣服,但卻比起過往十多年來任何時候還要更加赤裸,更加坦誠相見。756Please respect copyright.PENANA22BqUVD3uJ
756Please respect copyright.PENANAPIXjwKBVXD
「你肯定?」我冷冷地說。756Please respect copyright.PENANAzR08vhiqoN
756Please respect copyright.PENANADfdQy8I907
她還不知道我幹了甚麼。756Please respect copyright.PENANATDpWg4BO0P
756Please respect copyright.PENANAvT8YOYqgDo
她還不知道我曾經打算幹甚麼。756Please respect copyright.PENANAJocw9oDRMz
756Please respect copyright.PENANAEkMd140ttw
「…嗯。」她說,「我,我又有咩資格話你?無論你做過咩都好…」756Please respect copyright.PENANA7m3kQT14JY
756Please respect copyright.PENANAQKOFdF8E9v
童桐雙眼發光,好像在淹水中捉到了救生圈一樣。756Please respect copyright.PENANAVBH9eMpkCz
756Please respect copyright.PENANAgkBYaI3H74
「所以你覺得如果我都有一個黑暗面,一個黑化版既呀遊,我就同你一樣自私,同你一樣有唔見得光既一面,所以我地就平起平座,我就應該接受你,然後可以如以前一樣?」756Please respect copyright.PENANAa2lGHvgWp5
756Please respect copyright.PENANACxWbeFxHLS
「…唔係咁…」卻被我看穿了。756Please respect copyright.PENANADGZnxCTiii
756Please respect copyright.PENANAhdN9MOBds2
「定係我咁講正合你意,咁樣你內心會舒服D,因為自甘墜落既人唔止你一個?」756Please respect copyright.PENANAgJ5KRJmiRo
756Please respect copyright.PENANATVo5u2rziu
「唔係咁,唔係咁唔係咁,呀遊,唔好咁講,求下你…」童桐哭著說。756Please respect copyright.PENANAEnDnlJTVsM
756Please respect copyright.PENANAUruV637g14
「…童桐,我地永遠都唔可能好似以前一樣。」756Please respect copyright.PENANAgRNKUaRpQN
756Please respect copyright.PENANAJ9KGkGIOOp
然後,我推開了她。756Please respect copyright.PENANAhPP6EhZ99S
756Please respect copyright.PENANAdEWryhosaF
史無前例地,我推開了正準近我,打算向我撒嬌的童桐。756Please respect copyright.PENANADuiQ8vniZS
756Please respect copyright.PENANAequsNKwsLi
「……」她露出寂寞的眼神。756Please respect copyright.PENANAgQQT68z9QK
756Please respect copyright.PENANAAW1ZlFJiXm
「你講得岩,我都有另一面,我都有做過D唔想俾你知既事。」我低頭說,「但…我好亂,我唔知,我唔知點樣面對你,同你一樣。」756Please respect copyright.PENANAMQmXzK6cgT
756Please respect copyright.PENANAOv3rTSf8PA
「邊個會無?我鐘意你,即使你有咩秘密都好我都一定會…」童桐說。756Please respect copyright.PENANA5n3vdPqgKX
756Please respect copyright.PENANAWXkaGqjCMi
「我係你就唔會咁講。」我苦笑。756Please respect copyright.PENANA9hLjsAc12Y
756Please respect copyright.PENANAtFXT9TZbIJ
「係…?」756Please respect copyright.PENANAotnGxpakLj
756Please respect copyright.PENANAcGcLnMbG6t
「我個時都咁講過,我話無論你做過咩,有咩秘密我都會接受到…然後我個心就碎左。」我輕撫自己的胸口。756Please respect copyright.PENANAi9Zn7nPzfo
756Please respect copyright.PENANAmcpCV4oOUa
愈是鐘愛於幻象,現實就更加殘酷。756Please respect copyright.PENANAiWyrDY8BnA
756Please respect copyright.PENANAvjQsEsZ0ie
夢中愈是甘甜,現實便愈見苦澀。756Please respect copyright.PENANA7tlBrULazy
756Please respect copyright.PENANA0TFiRtS9lW
「我唔信,呀遊你唔同我,你係個好人…」756Please respect copyright.PENANAzdP09RVWkm
756Please respect copyright.PENANA3l3q87GZhe
「我先唔係。」756Please respect copyright.PENANApGH6Wxb9QZ
756Please respect copyright.PENANAu2wTn9UFV5
我早就不是甚麼好人。756Please respect copyright.PENANAZtcglQ47IG
756Please respect copyright.PENANA6BH4CgaPNd
從明明連人家名字還沒記住便去追求人家,胡亂表白開始,到之後的事。756Please respect copyright.PENANA18aSGaNaKB
756Please respect copyright.PENANAgmJBAVCLWL
我才不是「除了射箭甚麼也不會」的人。756Please respect copyright.PENANA89Go8KRVD2
756Please respect copyright.PENANA5THPEKy2BQ
「咁你講出黎。」她說,「我寧願你親口講,都唔想某日自己發現。」756Please respect copyright.PENANAQkkzkSdKyz
756Please respect copyright.PENANAczE0P6AVc3
「……」756Please respect copyright.PENANACXSvXl8Up1
756Please respect copyright.PENANAkFxvClVXZT
是我害得植嵐晨自殺。756Please respect copyright.PENANAOUJRLXXk5c
756Please respect copyright.PENANAwhQFVafrKH
那天我差點按下了清理瀏覽記錄而間接害死他。756Please respect copyright.PENANAETulS0rkOq
756Please respect copyright.PENANAphzHiyBSNT
為了勝利我打算吃禁藥。756Please respect copyright.PENANA0D0GlgMB7e
756Please respect copyright.PENANAnQIehS5fOg
我和妍妍有了肉體關係,但沒打算負責任。756Please respect copyright.PENANAdKXzw9o9hr
756Please respect copyright.PENANAntlFd00a7g
當天第一次妍妍出現在水上樂園是,其實是PTGF。756Please respect copyright.PENANArtIRE9ggHN
756Please respect copyright.PENANARoKsSj0WML
中學時那連串的表白行為,其中一些我可是明知有男朋友也照去馬。756Please respect copyright.PENANA2cHj4Div5L
756Please respect copyright.PENANA1L9LyU0dSy
……那年我打算過自殺,甚至已經完成了氦氣袋的試作型。756Please respect copyright.PENANAcFOjRCt4Pd
756Please respect copyright.PENANA2pIY8FxyK3
「呀遊,我地大家今晚都互相坦白喇…然後睇下點樣互相接受到對方,好唔好?我唔想無左你呢個青梅竹馬,無論做唔做到情侶都好。」童桐說。756Please respect copyright.PENANAOsgQ4IFcDm
756Please respect copyright.PENANAWL9iCFzaKt
「我諗…今晚我地都攰。」我說,「我求其煮個公仔麵就返過去。」756Please respect copyright.PENANAS2XQXL6Gid
756Please respect copyright.PENANAgbU9u5OhnQ
「呀遊…」756Please respect copyright.PENANAs7rxokluik
756Please respect copyright.PENANAKBdnTKS47E
「我會講。」我說,「只係…唔係今晚,我要,童桐,對唔住,我…做唔到…我好攰,我好撚亂呀,你明唔明呀。」756Please respect copyright.PENANAiYJupJoss8
756Please respect copyright.PENANA75Ko4heOcx
我試圖以過去的眼光看待她。756Please respect copyright.PENANARGMDouecdM
756Please respect copyright.PENANAftZrV629VF
做不到。756Please respect copyright.PENANANz14PTRuDS
756Please respect copyright.PENANAD1RvdzkM66
我試圖向她坦白自己做過的一切。756Please respect copyright.PENANAopryty3mmw
756Please respect copyright.PENANA0GUnYtygRn
做不到。756Please respect copyright.PENANAXcLdcGyIBy
756Please respect copyright.PENANANCVV8V3Dsg
既然我知道了她的真面目後這樣激動,這樣看待她,反過來…其實也一樣吧。756Please respect copyright.PENANAAsH4NGVeKa
756Please respect copyright.PENANAvM0ErLXNuI
只是現在是我在暗,她在明,她才這樣向我告解一樣。756Please respect copyright.PENANAB4mEQdR28L
756Please respect copyright.PENANA2HV3sT7QUf
下午離開Beta那兒之前,他幫我設定了一個倒數計時,現在距離核彈爆炸只剩下167小時。756Please respect copyright.PENANANhIZnK47zK
756Please respect copyright.PENANA5xB83XSnDO
我沒有高童桐一等,更別說是道德高地。756Please respect copyright.PENANArF7TeTGDoV
756Please respect copyright.PENANA4rmGpQBpkS
所以我也沒法狠狠罵她一頓,然後說要帶她回正途,連這樣子我也做不到,這才是現在一切膠著,一切如陷五里霧中的原因。756Please respect copyright.PENANAbr9K9lQWTG
756Please respect copyright.PENANARtxQks29Et
既,沒法坦白。756Please respect copyright.PENANAVKLOLvvraK
756Please respect copyright.PENANAbS8yzSRqrU
又,沒法斥責。756Please respect copyright.PENANAS8WSOMSWQu
756Please respect copyright.PENANAHcruKcfl2n
既,沒法接受。756Please respect copyright.PENANAcR82kE8kCT
756Please respect copyright.PENANA1AUPQj4Rr5
也,沒法忘記。756Please respect copyright.PENANAKTKxNUywrt
756Please respect copyright.PENANAi9GliD0MOv
而且…也沒法理解。756Please respect copyright.PENANAel3q2h0nEa
756Please respect copyright.PENANA0BUu4TRlru
明明妍妍叫我不用在意她,去處理和童桐之間的事,結果卻變成了這樣子。756Please respect copyright.PENANAZmwZMCk5wG
756Please respect copyright.PENANAKT2aTawb5J
反倒有點對不起她了呢,我這爛人。756Please respect copyright.PENANA1p40XCieLL
756Please respect copyright.PENANAYlnTpXANa8
我轉身胡亂地擦去眼淚,以免自己在童桐面前出醜。但這時背上傳來陣陣的溫暖,陣陣的柔軟,童桐從後抱住我,把頭靠到我背脊上,用耳朵貼住我的肌肉聆聽著我的心跳。756Please respect copyright.PENANAG2pkJe9Imb
756Please respect copyright.PENANAsCezGJ5J7Y
「只要你係我身邊,你要嬲我幾耐都無所謂。」756Please respect copyright.PENANAfdfVoieAhZ
756Please respect copyright.PENANAYZT9gh7WZm
「……」756Please respect copyright.PENANAPZYkMdH7gL
756Please respect copyright.PENANAwE8uTk9jrC
「因為我地都應承過大家,嬲幾耐都好,最後都會搵返對方,唔準絕交,唔準永遠唔彩對方落去架嘛。」756Please respect copyright.PENANAWMgT8dlHp9
756Please respect copyright.PENANALnTkLVZ137
她能聽到我的脈動,反之亦然。756Please respect copyright.PENANAWAQNCln3Hn
756Please respect copyright.PENANAu2jttkJOGH
我雖然沒法直接聽到,但我感受著童桐的每一下呼吸,每一下心跳,胸膛的每一起伏。756Please respect copyright.PENANAPjKsklZegY
756Please respect copyright.PENANAz40YOD7dxi
「只要你無事就好,我個晚真係好驚。」童桐說。756Please respect copyright.PENANAs3NTiSf5Sl
756Please respect copyright.PENANA6E6KpeI7pg
「嗯,我都睇到係你救左我。」756Please respect copyright.PENANAGJj1Z4IsKd
756Please respect copyright.PENANADOU6Mt3EPh
「但即係係咁…即使你會討厭我,即使你個下已經知道左我係Dora,我唔知點面對你…我都唔想你有事。」756Please respect copyright.PENANAvl58rRcGq9
756Please respect copyright.PENANATFLKc766X0
曾經她只求唯有我別討厭她。756Please respect copyright.PENANARMM6dMQOQT
756Please respect copyright.PENANAFWPv5Zd8bz
曾經她即使全世界討厭她也不怕,因為有我在她身邊。756Please respect copyright.PENANAMsge3nbqEW
756Please respect copyright.PENANASORlPlI3JM
…現在即使連我也討厭她,她也只想我安全健康。756Please respect copyright.PENANANVdFCQY5LE
756Please respect copyright.PENANAOXOdmP6uYr
你叫我怎樣對你生氣,童桐。756Please respect copyright.PENANAEGjl2ibsZA
756Please respect copyright.PENANAbcA1HY6LfG
「我…好多謝你,童桐。」我說,的確是她救了我。756Please respect copyright.PENANAWYGNtS61Gr
756Please respect copyright.PENANAkORvkAiq8q
「…到你覺得可以講既時候,就同我講。」童桐說,「我地只要互相坦白,然後互相再接受,互相理解對方,一定可以捱過呢一關。」756Please respect copyright.PENANA0F8h0mmOeG
756Please respect copyright.PENANAyx38aUx5id
咦?756Please respect copyright.PENANAR8K3tTO3nX
756Please respect copyright.PENANAApNk5rc2RD
腦中如一道清泉流過…我覺得這就是我和童桐最大的差異之處。756Please respect copyright.PENANAJeyIaGeE0f
756Please respect copyright.PENANAY7p0C9KEKw
「接受與否」,是我的想法。756Please respect copyright.PENANA8pfZdYvTHo
756Please respect copyright.PENANAHytGwrBF28
「如何接受」,是童桐的想法。756Please respect copyright.PENANAlYlS4tniU7
756Please respect copyright.PENANAVIszqpZrFr
那天晚上我和童桐沒有得出任何答案,甚至說沒有任何進展。756Please respect copyright.PENANASBUBi7UjAO
756Please respect copyright.PENANAF9AOZG44Jd
她甚至沒有提出我希望中的苦衷,使我可以諒解的苦衷,只能得出「性格使然」的絕望答案。756Please respect copyright.PENANAgwtl5oGG0D
756Please respect copyright.PENANALdxrZKNgl7
老實說,場面比我想像中平靜,至少我們沒有向對方咆哮或痛哭。756Please respect copyright.PENANAQcBm0YVtjb
756Please respect copyright.PENANAzuAm2rRT1I
但是…無力感漸漸佔據了空氣,佔據了心底,連情緒該發洩向何處也沒有著力點。756Please respect copyright.PENANAt8TIhitCkf
756Please respect copyright.PENANAuyjTaO8X5q
我寧願和她痛痛快快吵一架,也不想這樣子…756Please respect copyright.PENANAiaRvUF7KZX
756Please respect copyright.PENANArQR3lfRsUi
…我真的不想。756Please respect copyright.PENANAc04SLkkGZg
756Please respect copyright.PENANAbrwtdEzAhm
至於和她坦白的話,我覺得不是時候,所以也沒有說出口。我需要時間去沉澱,去思考,去好好盤算接下來的做法。756Please respect copyright.PENANAoRy8IOGd1y
756Please respect copyright.PENANA7dzGrcds2x
活了在幻象中廿多年的我,被狠狠地摔到現實中。756Please respect copyright.PENANA8CgIqVJv1V
756Please respect copyright.PENANAXNwvC9i3QJ
現在我要學習在現實中活下去。756Please respect copyright.PENANAVGccqkOXyp
756Please respect copyright.PENANAtXjUfKJ2xT
第二天早上,距離核彈發射還有153小時。756Please respect copyright.PENANAMyPxbylc8q
756Please respect copyright.PENANASOfWApAnKW
童桐的窗簾現在到了早上醒來…也再沒有打開了。756Please respect copyright.PENANAaJgoy5dokO
756Please respect copyright.PENANAiA2S0XdKnW
那兒,只有一片茫然和我心中懷念。
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【實體書有售】《青梅竹馬真係最難追》
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【實體書有售】《青梅竹馬真係最難追》
作者:
陳立正
篇 #65
結局篇III:我們都沒法理解15082022
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