但現實是這樣又如何？1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE5bTcFtXw4
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沒法理解，沒法接受。1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSVnGTGwlQf
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童桐變了，已經不再是我小時候認識的那個她。1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSSlpwUjEC4
1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOHZ55qCIgy
但現實對我來說，過於…難以理解。1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0PDdxndkYL
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她甚至連一個苦衷也不編，一個謊也不撒。1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpfYbKXCVM7
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要該高興嗎，還是要哭？我曾經視她如宗教一樣的存在，現在卻。1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ82GsfokQM9
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現在卻。1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsQ7H4q2GWX
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感覺最近情緒上的衝擊，我已沒法作出正確的反應，腦海被攪成一團糊糨。我掩著臉搖著頭，恍如因射箭而滿是厚繭的雙手，能為我提供一個避風港。1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQaaSLy9WA5
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因為我的避風巷已經毀了。1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2lJT1keRAi
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因為我的童年…1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgZRanrNQ31
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…真真正正的，結束了。1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi0nowbTNgF
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「呀遊，我地都有唔想俾任何人見到既一面…我相信你都有。」童桐說，「但即使係咁…我都會接受，呀遊，因為由所有面向組成既…先係完整既你。」1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCUCVsQn5lg
1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg11LTyjOog
甚麼是好人，甚麼是壞人？1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxPuxo0p86K
1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnC5lRV1wwG
壞人在自己的故事中，也是一個英雄。1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJk3UK2leIq
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捐錢幫助窮人的慈善家，也有人視之為資本主義中的剝削者。1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJrPYnh8Usn
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不用說到這樣宏大，我媽也不是沒被人說過HR死全家，我爸把釣到的魚放上網和人分享也被動保主義者說血腥屠夫。1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqt8u8F33ZU
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但對我來說，二人都是父母，是家人。1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5p6TVyVnTV
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不同人對於不同人來說，可以同時是好人，同時亦是壞人。1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpcmjMF2wg4
1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGvi8OnZBMa
…但當距離親近如我和童桐這樣，所有面向便互相嵌鑲成一個完整的存在，並非一個單獨面向。1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0eOC6g0QhT
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愛慕她的好。1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNtgwP9AdHW
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便要接受她的壞。1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡztpxtBw03z
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我竟然天真的曾經以為童桐只有好的那一面，如甚麼完美的聖女。1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPBRbCHoLWE
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現在殘酷而赤裸裸的事實放在眼前，至於接受與否便是我們的課題了。1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9A5PztLr0m
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即使我和童桐身上都穿著衣服，但卻比起過往十多年來任何時候還要更加赤裸，更加坦誠相見。1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb86ZyYO2A5
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「你肯定？」我冷冷地說。1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWurwt4GA7R
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她還不知道我幹了甚麼。1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtz4zGfOm4E
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她還不知道我曾經打算幹甚麼。1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBVpgWn39Mn
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「…嗯。」她說，「我，我又有咩資格話你？無論你做過咩都好…」1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMMHP5kohgC
1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8pQ3L5HH1o
童桐雙眼發光，好像在淹水中捉到了救生圈一樣。1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsoS19nroZB
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「所以你覺得如果我都有一個黑暗面，一個黑化版既呀遊，我就同你一樣自私，同你一樣有唔見得光既一面，所以我地就平起平座，我就應該接受你，然後可以如以前一樣？」1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmjh5Qn85UO
1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ53AA3OM24C
「…唔係咁…」卻被我看穿了。1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFKpiIQDl8u
1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Gy6dBQcQH
「定係我咁講正合你意，咁樣你內心會舒服Ｄ，因為自甘墜落既人唔止你一個？」1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHX4DElTbMg
1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXYC28QufFD
「唔係咁，唔係咁唔係咁，呀遊，唔好咁講，求下你…」童桐哭著說。1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRGuhpP0pzO
1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDmC5koOU4e
「…童桐，我地永遠都唔可能好似以前一樣。」1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡObiHH99Msy
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然後，我推開了她。1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ91CTOeAe9v
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史無前例地，我推開了正準近我，打算向我撒嬌的童桐。1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBDb7XgCi7K
1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdp1HluC4nr
「……」她露出寂寞的眼神。1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZucYHHZUHR
1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTVrfrfJmfY
「你講得岩，我都有另一面，我都有做過D唔想俾你知既事。」我低頭說，「但…我好亂，我唔知，我唔知點樣面對你，同你一樣。」1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBd5x3ycgKY
1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlThN8zI1Z5
「邊個會無？我鐘意你，即使你有咩秘密都好我都一定會…」童桐說。1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡohV9uhCi4R
1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmMe5DSci5o
「我係你就唔會咁講。」我苦笑。1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBpskco5l8g
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「係…？」1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtipszdxx5m
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「我個時都咁講過，我話無論你做過咩，有咩秘密我都會接受到…然後我個心就碎左。」我輕撫自己的胸口。1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCSDIYBb0Av
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愈是鐘愛於幻象，現實就更加殘酷。1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5TKZLcTUqM
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夢中愈是甘甜，現實便愈見苦澀。1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjz28V2WmSe
1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9f9d8vBkjz
「我唔信，呀遊你唔同我，你係個好人…」1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡATW3QTxALv
1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYjeIrBb4tf
「我先唔係。」1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKDgxXRqDyL
1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGRxpDXubgy
我早就不是甚麼好人。1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyNxx7Ykk2i
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從明明連人家名字還沒記住便去追求人家，胡亂表白開始，到之後的事。1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTixRVrUVyU
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我才不是「除了射箭甚麼也不會」的人。1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvdJYB9jEfw
1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyXWNCQP0ne
「咁你講出黎。」她說，「我寧願你親口講，都唔想某日自己發現。」1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqcGusf7OL4
1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2oWWrmlEHj
「……」1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqp2E2NjTAu
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是我害得植嵐晨自殺。1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh5pQZ5346Z
1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY5V3OlFYOz
那天我差點按下了清理瀏覽記錄而間接害死他。1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnkY55MfTWY
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為了勝利我打算吃禁藥。1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtAP5fulpe2
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我和妍妍有了肉體關係，但沒打算負責任。1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg2oaHpItpQ
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當天第一次妍妍出現在水上樂園是，其實是PTGF。1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaOlJ5gcOBe
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中學時那連串的表白行為，其中一些我可是明知有男朋友也照去馬。1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa9DOdXgxve
1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD6Idw1cIU9
……那年我打算過自殺，甚至已經完成了氦氣袋的試作型。1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAVixdczWvp
1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO1xffnT0hE
「呀遊，我地大家今晚都互相坦白喇…然後睇下點樣互相接受到對方，好唔好？我唔想無左你呢個青梅竹馬，無論做唔做到情侶都好。」童桐說。1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAalKw3nK1U
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「我諗…今晚我地都攰。」我說，「我求其煮個公仔麵就返過去。」1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ65tGPSgsdh
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「呀遊…」1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5WqUaUsmdg
1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqfQdzvrWGl
「我會講。」我說，「只係…唔係今晚，我要，童桐，對唔住，我…做唔到…我好攰，我好撚亂呀，你明唔明呀。」1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOw52WrTy4W
1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Leradtm4e
我試圖以過去的眼光看待她。1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgLRYrmI4M6
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做不到。1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqoXdMlQ1v5
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我試圖向她坦白自己做過的一切。1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa1rOlEwsgJ
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做不到。1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOf3JnSiV4o
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既然我知道了她的真面目後這樣激動，這樣看待她，反過來…其實也一樣吧。1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmNzjTO0NYQ
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只是現在是我在暗，她在明，她才這樣向我告解一樣。1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkPpwwU5CHn
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下午離開Beta那兒之前，他幫我設定了一個倒數計時，現在距離核彈爆炸只剩下１６７小時。1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsCMcl4XBjn
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我沒有高童桐一等，更別說是道德高地。1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZpqvuvEliK
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所以我也沒法狠狠罵她一頓，然後說要帶她回正途，連這樣子我也做不到，這才是現在一切膠著，一切如陷五里霧中的原因。1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjPHwIWihxz
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既，沒法坦白。1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0eakjxN1TC
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又，沒法斥責。1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZTBmVaWwBS
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既，沒法接受。1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa36WmA2Fec
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也，沒法忘記。1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡay3w02Rggv
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而且…也沒法理解。1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSbxtdn600u
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明明妍妍叫我不用在意她，去處理和童桐之間的事，結果卻變成了這樣子。1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnKs1zNPGPD
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反倒有點對不起她了呢，我這爛人。1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLMf21RKLNE
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我轉身胡亂地擦去眼淚，以免自己在童桐面前出醜。但這時背上傳來陣陣的溫暖，陣陣的柔軟，童桐從後抱住我，把頭靠到我背脊上，用耳朵貼住我的肌肉聆聽著我的心跳。1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡovgGzOehYK
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「只要你係我身邊，你要嬲我幾耐都無所謂。」1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3L88zA93Kd
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「……」1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuzDb5KnvuQ
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「因為我地都應承過大家，嬲幾耐都好，最後都會搵返對方，唔準絕交，唔準永遠唔彩對方落去架嘛。」1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTghiTr7g7s
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她能聽到我的脈動，反之亦然。1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcaBtYSL3Uo
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我雖然沒法直接聽到，但我感受著童桐的每一下呼吸，每一下心跳，胸膛的每一起伏。1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpUbHFJ4W92
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「只要你無事就好，我個晚真係好驚。」童桐說。1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu5GUbdHaXd
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「嗯，我都睇到係你救左我。」1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1YcEHxFzz6
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「但即係係咁…即使你會討厭我，即使你個下已經知道左我係Dora,我唔知點面對你…我都唔想你有事。」1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlAaL6lNxdd
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曾經她只求唯有我別討厭她。1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4om4xlhsEg
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曾經她即使全世界討厭她也不怕，因為有我在她身邊。1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhvUxjUmOXl
1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡARCcHV7Y2X
…現在即使連我也討厭她，她也只想我安全健康。1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpSKBg4sEX0
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你叫我怎樣對你生氣，童桐。1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ72hopTltTJ
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「我…好多謝你，童桐。」我說，的確是她救了我。1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQaBsTZ9ZCH
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「…到你覺得可以講既時候，就同我講。」童桐說，「我地只要互相坦白，然後互相再接受，互相理解對方，一定可以捱過呢一關。」1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeqEhx5kyaw
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咦？1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhIQhTMG4VY
1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmAiAiJYh3y
腦中如一道清泉流過…我覺得這就是我和童桐最大的差異之處。1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjQ1ELdbeGi
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「接受與否」，是我的想法。1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcIGQ77d1dw
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「如何接受」，是童桐的想法。1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjgsjofjAcX
1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUDpg1Y0E1D
那天晚上我和童桐沒有得出任何答案，甚至說沒有任何進展。1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJfaWjSz6vI
1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYyWbBy7U9c
她甚至沒有提出我希望中的苦衷，使我可以諒解的苦衷，只能得出「性格使然」的絕望答案。1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV9ExMmOJ8b
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老實說，場面比我想像中平靜，至少我們沒有向對方咆哮或痛哭。1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG2jTr9WzCA
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但是…無力感漸漸佔據了空氣，佔據了心底，連情緒該發洩向何處也沒有著力點。1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgI3z2gK5iK
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我寧願和她痛痛快快吵一架，也不想這樣子…1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKn60CRYQgY
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…我真的不想。1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhCzmyRitWk
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至於和她坦白的話，我覺得不是時候，所以也沒有說出口。我需要時間去沉澱，去思考，去好好盤算接下來的做法。1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxIR0e62rAT
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活了在幻象中廿多年的我，被狠狠地摔到現實中。1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ06SLZ3AGGb
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現在我要學習在現實中活下去。1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjCnOUHiE0Z
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第二天早上，距離核彈發射還有１５３小時。1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAcw2mZMVUO
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童桐的窗簾現在到了早上醒來…也再沒有打開了。1016Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh7tOpeXcok
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那兒，只有一片茫然和我心中懷念。8964 copyright protection1012ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3nWyCHPXiw 維尼

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