但現實是這樣又如何?1093Please respect copyright.PENANApXafhV6q0z
1093Please respect copyright.PENANAJ822BnfFa7
沒法理解,沒法接受。1093Please respect copyright.PENANAPKLJaxSH2U
1093Please respect copyright.PENANAGiuSWpZcFs
童桐變了,已經不再是我小時候認識的那個她。1093Please respect copyright.PENANAOY0UM8B0zg
1093Please respect copyright.PENANAQ8AKW713Gw
但現實對我來說,過於…難以理解。1093Please respect copyright.PENANAHkeTh8ctDi
1093Please respect copyright.PENANAkOrJ3Sk1l5
她甚至連一個苦衷也不編,一個謊也不撒。1093Please respect copyright.PENANAoBzUtQMTd7
1093Please respect copyright.PENANA6uHekdyZHZ
要該高興嗎,還是要哭?我曾經視她如宗教一樣的存在,現在卻。1093Please respect copyright.PENANANx6K2I6pJH
1093Please respect copyright.PENANAZgsiM33s5m
現在卻。1093Please respect copyright.PENANAnu8TpuQ0S1
1093Please respect copyright.PENANAkIKismNzUr
感覺最近情緒上的衝擊,我已沒法作出正確的反應,腦海被攪成一團糊糨。我掩著臉搖著頭,恍如因射箭而滿是厚繭的雙手,能為我提供一個避風港。1093Please respect copyright.PENANAZJ31JBo02P
1093Please respect copyright.PENANATWe3HimluA
因為我的避風巷已經毀了。1093Please respect copyright.PENANAFAHrWWWMWG
1093Please respect copyright.PENANARFRLVqswC0
因為我的童年…1093Please respect copyright.PENANAZyHAB5RsKW
1093Please respect copyright.PENANAyJlrItgFvc
…真真正正的,結束了。1093Please respect copyright.PENANAkKLEyM8Uy9
1093Please respect copyright.PENANAYouAhDkc6l
「呀遊,我地都有唔想俾任何人見到既一面…我相信你都有。」童桐說,「但即使係咁…我都會接受,呀遊,因為由所有面向組成既…先係完整既你。」1093Please respect copyright.PENANAFSNnrlWkSk
1093Please respect copyright.PENANAmP4gAjK387
甚麼是好人,甚麼是壞人?1093Please respect copyright.PENANADyzeWg6qJA
1093Please respect copyright.PENANAFkoPAsIxxq
壞人在自己的故事中,也是一個英雄。1093Please respect copyright.PENANAJ0GIcTjbyp
1093Please respect copyright.PENANAwjA8zwMs80
捐錢幫助窮人的慈善家,也有人視之為資本主義中的剝削者。1093Please respect copyright.PENANA2ZmOX2BFnF
1093Please respect copyright.PENANAlrEEG2R1TT
不用說到這樣宏大,我媽也不是沒被人說過HR死全家,我爸把釣到的魚放上網和人分享也被動保主義者說血腥屠夫。1093Please respect copyright.PENANAwkJN5knb5K
1093Please respect copyright.PENANARxEeEUkrPU
但對我來說,二人都是父母,是家人。1093Please respect copyright.PENANA3pwDS8BR7d
1093Please respect copyright.PENANAZptjReZ8TS
不同人對於不同人來說,可以同時是好人,同時亦是壞人。1093Please respect copyright.PENANAvYjM6aSp01
1093Please respect copyright.PENANAZYGeUZ8hBH
…但當距離親近如我和童桐這樣,所有面向便互相嵌鑲成一個完整的存在,並非一個單獨面向。1093Please respect copyright.PENANA5C6JCXW1pz
1093Please respect copyright.PENANAGH2OaPAWwc
愛慕她的好。1093Please respect copyright.PENANAz2ohzvRWwl
1093Please respect copyright.PENANAO19rJKXRXC
便要接受她的壞。1093Please respect copyright.PENANA03gV4vSCr7
1093Please respect copyright.PENANA4pjdC44RUR
我竟然天真的曾經以為童桐只有好的那一面,如甚麼完美的聖女。1093Please respect copyright.PENANALa4oW3mN5L
1093Please respect copyright.PENANAFYoCHC2zha
現在殘酷而赤裸裸的事實放在眼前,至於接受與否便是我們的課題了。1093Please respect copyright.PENANAz2tglabqlF
1093Please respect copyright.PENANACyHZIvBHYu
即使我和童桐身上都穿著衣服,但卻比起過往十多年來任何時候還要更加赤裸,更加坦誠相見。1093Please respect copyright.PENANAQ4JXnH2bMr
1093Please respect copyright.PENANAsIr7XeSoAX
「你肯定?」我冷冷地說。1093Please respect copyright.PENANAfy7wo3errB
1093Please respect copyright.PENANAgSdNu8G1bq
她還不知道我幹了甚麼。1093Please respect copyright.PENANACpZtN1w3w8
1093Please respect copyright.PENANAwamyEPZnON
她還不知道我曾經打算幹甚麼。1093Please respect copyright.PENANAdW6xxzF71l
1093Please respect copyright.PENANALjCwHgI92F
「…嗯。」她說,「我,我又有咩資格話你?無論你做過咩都好…」1093Please respect copyright.PENANA0buKWe61v8
1093Please respect copyright.PENANABlztkTVdjh
童桐雙眼發光,好像在淹水中捉到了救生圈一樣。1093Please respect copyright.PENANAQBVhgSfF5E
1093Please respect copyright.PENANA87IeipCQwd
「所以你覺得如果我都有一個黑暗面,一個黑化版既呀遊,我就同你一樣自私,同你一樣有唔見得光既一面,所以我地就平起平座,我就應該接受你,然後可以如以前一樣?」1093Please respect copyright.PENANAuZdQdbMyI3
1093Please respect copyright.PENANA4eKwn57WnO
「…唔係咁…」卻被我看穿了。1093Please respect copyright.PENANAYutSQwd9kJ
1093Please respect copyright.PENANAw8pHJP4Nlx
「定係我咁講正合你意,咁樣你內心會舒服D,因為自甘墜落既人唔止你一個?」1093Please respect copyright.PENANAuRz6Z8I3dm
1093Please respect copyright.PENANATBgtP5WQNg
「唔係咁,唔係咁唔係咁,呀遊,唔好咁講,求下你…」童桐哭著說。1093Please respect copyright.PENANAf2dAbHvCxE
1093Please respect copyright.PENANAHbgzFNrmSV
「…童桐,我地永遠都唔可能好似以前一樣。」1093Please respect copyright.PENANAuG9S38zRKV
1093Please respect copyright.PENANAOLhPbMsaJj
然後,我推開了她。1093Please respect copyright.PENANAlJ5XsTpCb2
1093Please respect copyright.PENANAKDSXA9pY1q
史無前例地,我推開了正準近我,打算向我撒嬌的童桐。1093Please respect copyright.PENANAh2k3A5GocT
1093Please respect copyright.PENANAK4qXx5HHh7
「……」她露出寂寞的眼神。1093Please respect copyright.PENANAc3yAkILjsV
1093Please respect copyright.PENANAroYP57PwV9
「你講得岩,我都有另一面,我都有做過D唔想俾你知既事。」我低頭說,「但…我好亂,我唔知,我唔知點樣面對你,同你一樣。」1093Please respect copyright.PENANAGMWxG0vPTT
1093Please respect copyright.PENANAlMNt3LqBbg
「邊個會無?我鐘意你,即使你有咩秘密都好我都一定會…」童桐說。1093Please respect copyright.PENANAvoc4S22n7z
1093Please respect copyright.PENANAeBGIH5uVoh
「我係你就唔會咁講。」我苦笑。1093Please respect copyright.PENANA3PReLBBg7y
1093Please respect copyright.PENANAG8J4KHhxRn
「係…?」1093Please respect copyright.PENANAhjW2ZVcPyZ
1093Please respect copyright.PENANARd5rusA426
「我個時都咁講過,我話無論你做過咩,有咩秘密我都會接受到…然後我個心就碎左。」我輕撫自己的胸口。1093Please respect copyright.PENANAGVPIm0b4Fg
1093Please respect copyright.PENANAJAd94hDguC
愈是鐘愛於幻象,現實就更加殘酷。1093Please respect copyright.PENANAmLSy5YQBeO
1093Please respect copyright.PENANAA17RzPuUXb
夢中愈是甘甜,現實便愈見苦澀。1093Please respect copyright.PENANALFGPk60LuV
1093Please respect copyright.PENANAYkfmvGnA0B
「我唔信,呀遊你唔同我,你係個好人…」1093Please respect copyright.PENANAzuLppI8gV1
1093Please respect copyright.PENANACF2qT0CrJo
「我先唔係。」1093Please respect copyright.PENANAmBZNQfneUB
1093Please respect copyright.PENANAzpa186ETNY
我早就不是甚麼好人。1093Please respect copyright.PENANAlA7KWbcL0P
1093Please respect copyright.PENANAZtmdwIHSma
從明明連人家名字還沒記住便去追求人家,胡亂表白開始,到之後的事。1093Please respect copyright.PENANA5RIbPpTmIu
1093Please respect copyright.PENANAITJow4OKXQ
我才不是「除了射箭甚麼也不會」的人。1093Please respect copyright.PENANAee44McKRRc
1093Please respect copyright.PENANAbuJEz56aFs
「咁你講出黎。」她說,「我寧願你親口講,都唔想某日自己發現。」1093Please respect copyright.PENANAqnqdNsPitX
1093Please respect copyright.PENANAH64Lq7BaXM
「……」1093Please respect copyright.PENANAta9gDs5upe
1093Please respect copyright.PENANAEJ57izxk2Z
是我害得植嵐晨自殺。1093Please respect copyright.PENANARncAKkqJDG
1093Please respect copyright.PENANAa6ttWN1R34
那天我差點按下了清理瀏覽記錄而間接害死他。1093Please respect copyright.PENANA93LbbJ14Ty
1093Please respect copyright.PENANAJjdn6TJlu7
為了勝利我打算吃禁藥。1093Please respect copyright.PENANAz4I0ybT5mH
1093Please respect copyright.PENANAowdZc8loVb
我和妍妍有了肉體關係,但沒打算負責任。1093Please respect copyright.PENANAPOx8bSO1S3
1093Please respect copyright.PENANAeAPCdDxn9p
當天第一次妍妍出現在水上樂園是,其實是PTGF。1093Please respect copyright.PENANAEBQ06dBYlD
1093Please respect copyright.PENANA9ejz1JfUvn
中學時那連串的表白行為,其中一些我可是明知有男朋友也照去馬。1093Please respect copyright.PENANAhEGLI9XxZ3
1093Please respect copyright.PENANApt5O9jxZ3j
……那年我打算過自殺,甚至已經完成了氦氣袋的試作型。1093Please respect copyright.PENANAci41xnUq3r
1093Please respect copyright.PENANAqphUdK6bLm
「呀遊,我地大家今晚都互相坦白喇…然後睇下點樣互相接受到對方,好唔好?我唔想無左你呢個青梅竹馬,無論做唔做到情侶都好。」童桐說。1093Please respect copyright.PENANAGMDqQWtgJy
1093Please respect copyright.PENANAH81EWyexjL
「我諗…今晚我地都攰。」我說,「我求其煮個公仔麵就返過去。」1093Please respect copyright.PENANAqek6n5CdMl
1093Please respect copyright.PENANAVel9SrTZFL
「呀遊…」1093Please respect copyright.PENANAsnTMOSXdv2
1093Please respect copyright.PENANAY5LTksJKBI
「我會講。」我說,「只係…唔係今晚,我要,童桐,對唔住,我…做唔到…我好攰,我好撚亂呀,你明唔明呀。」1093Please respect copyright.PENANAq0auqxiDbr
1093Please respect copyright.PENANAXJGxmRydjC
我試圖以過去的眼光看待她。1093Please respect copyright.PENANAPaYnuCMaGR
1093Please respect copyright.PENANAm3dmUTH8lW
做不到。1093Please respect copyright.PENANAP04oVUMmwD
1093Please respect copyright.PENANAhXmhtkER0I
我試圖向她坦白自己做過的一切。1093Please respect copyright.PENANAlWOQpUNMMT
1093Please respect copyright.PENANAblGWjWolzB
做不到。1093Please respect copyright.PENANAnby9LNouzl
1093Please respect copyright.PENANAISoZiSUbUw
既然我知道了她的真面目後這樣激動,這樣看待她,反過來…其實也一樣吧。1093Please respect copyright.PENANAyN0xQBbp74
1093Please respect copyright.PENANAZpIBwrpPrC
只是現在是我在暗,她在明,她才這樣向我告解一樣。1093Please respect copyright.PENANAw0SNbLTWFN
1093Please respect copyright.PENANAvsj6tcBLz3
下午離開Beta那兒之前,他幫我設定了一個倒數計時,現在距離核彈爆炸只剩下167小時。1093Please respect copyright.PENANAZhrE72FIzz
1093Please respect copyright.PENANAneRewQN95S
我沒有高童桐一等,更別說是道德高地。1093Please respect copyright.PENANAyzsGuNfrHy
1093Please respect copyright.PENANALJDqgK9os6
所以我也沒法狠狠罵她一頓,然後說要帶她回正途,連這樣子我也做不到,這才是現在一切膠著,一切如陷五里霧中的原因。1093Please respect copyright.PENANA4qpwEPQpUs
1093Please respect copyright.PENANALldCcFO5mY
既,沒法坦白。1093Please respect copyright.PENANAcnUi8L3PP6
1093Please respect copyright.PENANAQWZeK9FaqQ
又,沒法斥責。1093Please respect copyright.PENANATYNcjdmbaO
1093Please respect copyright.PENANAp8xTVekB7U
既,沒法接受。1093Please respect copyright.PENANABbPLSoFLiP
1093Please respect copyright.PENANAQSzivBjJ9T
也,沒法忘記。1093Please respect copyright.PENANAf6YFGN4eEk
1093Please respect copyright.PENANAfE1z9RWhCb
而且…也沒法理解。1093Please respect copyright.PENANA0FWcPs353E
1093Please respect copyright.PENANAcPZyzwWV9W
明明妍妍叫我不用在意她,去處理和童桐之間的事,結果卻變成了這樣子。1093Please respect copyright.PENANAkDcRANdYg1
1093Please respect copyright.PENANAWS9WAajucp
反倒有點對不起她了呢,我這爛人。1093Please respect copyright.PENANAkevk1zcCa0
1093Please respect copyright.PENANAp58KGz6XUC
我轉身胡亂地擦去眼淚,以免自己在童桐面前出醜。但這時背上傳來陣陣的溫暖,陣陣的柔軟,童桐從後抱住我,把頭靠到我背脊上,用耳朵貼住我的肌肉聆聽著我的心跳。1093Please respect copyright.PENANAlWR99cuv6R
1093Please respect copyright.PENANApXju0oKlx5
「只要你係我身邊,你要嬲我幾耐都無所謂。」1093Please respect copyright.PENANAWh6YZ0F50c
1093Please respect copyright.PENANASgki6U1v5M
「……」1093Please respect copyright.PENANA4m7KMXForz
1093Please respect copyright.PENANAlyZlmvQgyv
「因為我地都應承過大家,嬲幾耐都好,最後都會搵返對方,唔準絕交,唔準永遠唔彩對方落去架嘛。」1093Please respect copyright.PENANA0AadR1z58M
1093Please respect copyright.PENANARfouJhQowM
她能聽到我的脈動,反之亦然。1093Please respect copyright.PENANA8QY5efSY7D
1093Please respect copyright.PENANAmoQR9gxRTl
我雖然沒法直接聽到,但我感受著童桐的每一下呼吸,每一下心跳,胸膛的每一起伏。1093Please respect copyright.PENANAjOpIi4C2BB
1093Please respect copyright.PENANAKnmkpYnTMh
「只要你無事就好,我個晚真係好驚。」童桐說。1093Please respect copyright.PENANAsUKbi2aQbk
1093Please respect copyright.PENANA36dabSa4WK
「嗯,我都睇到係你救左我。」1093Please respect copyright.PENANAgAQK1JqmQN
1093Please respect copyright.PENANA4aGSC1jwfP
「但即係係咁…即使你會討厭我,即使你個下已經知道左我係Dora,我唔知點面對你…我都唔想你有事。」1093Please respect copyright.PENANAj0Z5ZTgZl5
1093Please respect copyright.PENANAep4C4PAUaa
曾經她只求唯有我別討厭她。1093Please respect copyright.PENANArS1fQNDAVe
1093Please respect copyright.PENANA2sh8Lzf8A0
曾經她即使全世界討厭她也不怕,因為有我在她身邊。1093Please respect copyright.PENANA3VRA4nvVXU
1093Please respect copyright.PENANA8IfOivyKol
…現在即使連我也討厭她,她也只想我安全健康。1093Please respect copyright.PENANAYskzbAQfR6
1093Please respect copyright.PENANAhMM5S0RfAK
你叫我怎樣對你生氣,童桐。1093Please respect copyright.PENANAFLsjGNdjGY
1093Please respect copyright.PENANAmYwVXqMlJ3
「我…好多謝你,童桐。」我說,的確是她救了我。1093Please respect copyright.PENANAKjmJ6NQt3C
1093Please respect copyright.PENANAViaf5Gkwnq
「…到你覺得可以講既時候,就同我講。」童桐說,「我地只要互相坦白,然後互相再接受,互相理解對方,一定可以捱過呢一關。」1093Please respect copyright.PENANArUQqfWj5h1
1093Please respect copyright.PENANANt4Ri1152L
咦?1093Please respect copyright.PENANAq7qVZ9hY9M
1093Please respect copyright.PENANA0CHbSGUI3j
腦中如一道清泉流過…我覺得這就是我和童桐最大的差異之處。1093Please respect copyright.PENANArCSZb3P261
1093Please respect copyright.PENANA5W54BJQn1f
「接受與否」,是我的想法。1093Please respect copyright.PENANA3uZtqJuv0F
1093Please respect copyright.PENANAyXZfWg3jSG
「如何接受」,是童桐的想法。1093Please respect copyright.PENANAZ0TxNQGBXb
1093Please respect copyright.PENANAqFOnR8SHcU
那天晚上我和童桐沒有得出任何答案,甚至說沒有任何進展。1093Please respect copyright.PENANAStLm7e8EgM
1093Please respect copyright.PENANAACSR0Q9E3j
她甚至沒有提出我希望中的苦衷,使我可以諒解的苦衷,只能得出「性格使然」的絕望答案。1093Please respect copyright.PENANAX936ngnM55
1093Please respect copyright.PENANAqinA4aHYYx
老實說,場面比我想像中平靜,至少我們沒有向對方咆哮或痛哭。1093Please respect copyright.PENANAE904e0JiBL
1093Please respect copyright.PENANATiM08HhevB
但是…無力感漸漸佔據了空氣,佔據了心底,連情緒該發洩向何處也沒有著力點。1093Please respect copyright.PENANAxhA4FpX05i
1093Please respect copyright.PENANAcD7hQfhF7n
我寧願和她痛痛快快吵一架,也不想這樣子…1093Please respect copyright.PENANAhzOhDwcOBX
1093Please respect copyright.PENANAS2YdsqGWVP
…我真的不想。1093Please respect copyright.PENANAu5dCkvSX8r
1093Please respect copyright.PENANAWyOo1Z9FjJ
至於和她坦白的話,我覺得不是時候,所以也沒有說出口。我需要時間去沉澱,去思考,去好好盤算接下來的做法。1093Please respect copyright.PENANAhU7Wkd7r1e
1093Please respect copyright.PENANAiQAMVWlYTg
活了在幻象中廿多年的我,被狠狠地摔到現實中。1093Please respect copyright.PENANAeqzl4OXX00
1093Please respect copyright.PENANArhE9gARPob
現在我要學習在現實中活下去。1093Please respect copyright.PENANAa3SI55NFhp
1093Please respect copyright.PENANAeGTcyIJSLu
第二天早上,距離核彈發射還有153小時。1093Please respect copyright.PENANAymVHFMEILM
1093Please respect copyright.PENANAY8691j3jVx
童桐的窗簾現在到了早上醒來…也再沒有打開了。1093Please respect copyright.PENANAAZFOLAIPme
1093Please respect copyright.PENANAj4uZYZTN3F
那兒,只有一片茫然和我心中懷念。
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【實體書有售】《青梅竹馬真係最難追》
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【實體書有售】《青梅竹馬真係最難追》
作者:
陳立正

篇 #65
結局篇III:我們都沒法理解15082022
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