但現實是這樣又如何?1069Please respect copyright.PENANAzsT6uqEQZJ
1069Please respect copyright.PENANAJhoOkYlyGo
沒法理解,沒法接受。1069Please respect copyright.PENANAaAZDqkmjcq
1069Please respect copyright.PENANAi4rGtoOuBM
童桐變了,已經不再是我小時候認識的那個她。1069Please respect copyright.PENANAW7AXbjMyg0
1069Please respect copyright.PENANAsYGDIcr84x
但現實對我來說,過於…難以理解。1069Please respect copyright.PENANASgbJNX0z7i
1069Please respect copyright.PENANADwIQWTx4g3
她甚至連一個苦衷也不編,一個謊也不撒。1069Please respect copyright.PENANAE0t2Kpva5S
1069Please respect copyright.PENANA3wrnP0uFrl
要該高興嗎,還是要哭?我曾經視她如宗教一樣的存在,現在卻。1069Please respect copyright.PENANANbfwqNbFHX
1069Please respect copyright.PENANAmIAmqb6cGr
現在卻。1069Please respect copyright.PENANAJKHI4l4vB7
1069Please respect copyright.PENANA5wMESJIjYA
感覺最近情緒上的衝擊,我已沒法作出正確的反應,腦海被攪成一團糊糨。我掩著臉搖著頭,恍如因射箭而滿是厚繭的雙手,能為我提供一個避風港。1069Please respect copyright.PENANAq9eR2Ia1DN
1069Please respect copyright.PENANACvWbFEFzrG
因為我的避風巷已經毀了。1069Please respect copyright.PENANATUUWIRn5Z5
1069Please respect copyright.PENANAZ5HZDgagyl
因為我的童年…1069Please respect copyright.PENANAsmD3pNjpEN
1069Please respect copyright.PENANA2lfWQML5TD
…真真正正的,結束了。1069Please respect copyright.PENANABbZ0hhUdA9
1069Please respect copyright.PENANA4fzJ0WdFSy
「呀遊,我地都有唔想俾任何人見到既一面…我相信你都有。」童桐說,「但即使係咁…我都會接受,呀遊,因為由所有面向組成既…先係完整既你。」1069Please respect copyright.PENANAeSQtOzBaWU
1069Please respect copyright.PENANA2S5LY7kmn5
甚麼是好人,甚麼是壞人?1069Please respect copyright.PENANAq0TP8Cz3rG
1069Please respect copyright.PENANAwB5Z67Oozj
壞人在自己的故事中,也是一個英雄。1069Please respect copyright.PENANAGeFhaeVBQf
1069Please respect copyright.PENANA9OyDHUYW7W
捐錢幫助窮人的慈善家,也有人視之為資本主義中的剝削者。1069Please respect copyright.PENANADoGjD94MGw
1069Please respect copyright.PENANA1vvApjRXMg
不用說到這樣宏大,我媽也不是沒被人說過HR死全家,我爸把釣到的魚放上網和人分享也被動保主義者說血腥屠夫。1069Please respect copyright.PENANA3CoSKRlxsA
1069Please respect copyright.PENANApnXp14JW8p
但對我來說,二人都是父母,是家人。1069Please respect copyright.PENANAu2qMEIg7fZ
1069Please respect copyright.PENANAotdBgoNFIj
不同人對於不同人來說,可以同時是好人,同時亦是壞人。1069Please respect copyright.PENANAbgy69AEbcG
1069Please respect copyright.PENANA5lMqoFI8VQ
…但當距離親近如我和童桐這樣,所有面向便互相嵌鑲成一個完整的存在,並非一個單獨面向。1069Please respect copyright.PENANA8T2Y8YSS7R
1069Please respect copyright.PENANAxu7m1QlJs5
愛慕她的好。1069Please respect copyright.PENANA7jpFJ8ULSW
1069Please respect copyright.PENANAgY0F2868z4
便要接受她的壞。1069Please respect copyright.PENANA35oWT1qRIi
1069Please respect copyright.PENANACEOxWMTdHA
我竟然天真的曾經以為童桐只有好的那一面,如甚麼完美的聖女。1069Please respect copyright.PENANA08bHi3i8VH
1069Please respect copyright.PENANAvH8FYC6koN
現在殘酷而赤裸裸的事實放在眼前,至於接受與否便是我們的課題了。1069Please respect copyright.PENANAj2npbBAXJg
1069Please respect copyright.PENANAUfGzlmEGPZ
即使我和童桐身上都穿著衣服,但卻比起過往十多年來任何時候還要更加赤裸,更加坦誠相見。1069Please respect copyright.PENANA3k5oNnkyxn
1069Please respect copyright.PENANA0WoZb7Li2o
「你肯定?」我冷冷地說。1069Please respect copyright.PENANAQndnVGyaN1
1069Please respect copyright.PENANAgQu557Dh07
她還不知道我幹了甚麼。1069Please respect copyright.PENANAO2Z3W020Un
1069Please respect copyright.PENANARsnAXPDQZ0
她還不知道我曾經打算幹甚麼。1069Please respect copyright.PENANAIEiNlqorp0
1069Please respect copyright.PENANAFjkQ7ZK3Aq
「…嗯。」她說,「我,我又有咩資格話你?無論你做過咩都好…」1069Please respect copyright.PENANAvcHlzwOepl
1069Please respect copyright.PENANAVvFcH8w4kC
童桐雙眼發光,好像在淹水中捉到了救生圈一樣。1069Please respect copyright.PENANAjqZ8ikc0s7
1069Please respect copyright.PENANA7BwmigZGBW
「所以你覺得如果我都有一個黑暗面,一個黑化版既呀遊,我就同你一樣自私,同你一樣有唔見得光既一面,所以我地就平起平座,我就應該接受你,然後可以如以前一樣?」1069Please respect copyright.PENANAlWvavje1jO
1069Please respect copyright.PENANAGgYFDqXbTj
「…唔係咁…」卻被我看穿了。1069Please respect copyright.PENANA7SJHdaGQFY
1069Please respect copyright.PENANAB2woPixRSl
「定係我咁講正合你意,咁樣你內心會舒服D,因為自甘墜落既人唔止你一個?」1069Please respect copyright.PENANAOQmlfoEcyq
1069Please respect copyright.PENANA4Rjui6GRgb
「唔係咁,唔係咁唔係咁,呀遊,唔好咁講,求下你…」童桐哭著說。1069Please respect copyright.PENANAXc8DMD7f5h
1069Please respect copyright.PENANAgQtjmF0aMY
「…童桐,我地永遠都唔可能好似以前一樣。」1069Please respect copyright.PENANAlBYRO7Xh7w
1069Please respect copyright.PENANATSyLlPNDuP
然後,我推開了她。1069Please respect copyright.PENANA4NQqnWqPn3
1069Please respect copyright.PENANAXMObCTig56
史無前例地,我推開了正準近我,打算向我撒嬌的童桐。1069Please respect copyright.PENANAAIgx25Kxb5
1069Please respect copyright.PENANAuoMQmGhkyQ
「……」她露出寂寞的眼神。1069Please respect copyright.PENANAiwRzJB3ZGz
1069Please respect copyright.PENANAvVMOxZHoD9
「你講得岩,我都有另一面,我都有做過D唔想俾你知既事。」我低頭說,「但…我好亂,我唔知,我唔知點樣面對你,同你一樣。」1069Please respect copyright.PENANAYKTn8RGeOW
1069Please respect copyright.PENANAhg69YW5uq0
「邊個會無?我鐘意你,即使你有咩秘密都好我都一定會…」童桐說。1069Please respect copyright.PENANALGeuEQI4cC
1069Please respect copyright.PENANAgeDtUvyNto
「我係你就唔會咁講。」我苦笑。1069Please respect copyright.PENANAHj9m1q59gL
1069Please respect copyright.PENANAMGSiTKfVrR
「係…?」1069Please respect copyright.PENANAEJiYPEPZhr
1069Please respect copyright.PENANAfegfHqPJCT
「我個時都咁講過,我話無論你做過咩,有咩秘密我都會接受到…然後我個心就碎左。」我輕撫自己的胸口。1069Please respect copyright.PENANAaNp3qFPzR8
1069Please respect copyright.PENANAye2iL09DzK
愈是鐘愛於幻象,現實就更加殘酷。1069Please respect copyright.PENANAMGncH4vP42
1069Please respect copyright.PENANAscw6rUTUNf
夢中愈是甘甜,現實便愈見苦澀。1069Please respect copyright.PENANABL4SWvOJJ6
1069Please respect copyright.PENANAC4iyCHL5vC
「我唔信,呀遊你唔同我,你係個好人…」1069Please respect copyright.PENANA9rlHIUDchu
1069Please respect copyright.PENANABKj7jqZ20Q
「我先唔係。」1069Please respect copyright.PENANAa44MjhV1M9
1069Please respect copyright.PENANAq6u0Wn3rYA
我早就不是甚麼好人。1069Please respect copyright.PENANAtqPVAkdtRQ
1069Please respect copyright.PENANAy8cC6nCN4o
從明明連人家名字還沒記住便去追求人家,胡亂表白開始,到之後的事。1069Please respect copyright.PENANAkvtl7zU3QR
1069Please respect copyright.PENANAYEbcEaJ627
我才不是「除了射箭甚麼也不會」的人。1069Please respect copyright.PENANA2uhRfIEiZ1
1069Please respect copyright.PENANA69cg8K4B53
「咁你講出黎。」她說,「我寧願你親口講,都唔想某日自己發現。」1069Please respect copyright.PENANAaCrqOghGsX
1069Please respect copyright.PENANAxTPtfBBjJP
「……」1069Please respect copyright.PENANAp1HecnaDh9
1069Please respect copyright.PENANAhIQGw8c5GY
是我害得植嵐晨自殺。1069Please respect copyright.PENANAodXIq8xywm
1069Please respect copyright.PENANAsKDFusxrQV
那天我差點按下了清理瀏覽記錄而間接害死他。1069Please respect copyright.PENANAJaoV7eqRWW
1069Please respect copyright.PENANAVaSRT1iKEh
為了勝利我打算吃禁藥。1069Please respect copyright.PENANAo5RTRlR7CY
1069Please respect copyright.PENANAhJDnKmxByB
我和妍妍有了肉體關係,但沒打算負責任。1069Please respect copyright.PENANA2KNJjY6F1J
1069Please respect copyright.PENANAAfuWpNEUjP
當天第一次妍妍出現在水上樂園是,其實是PTGF。1069Please respect copyright.PENANAh19zX5gZ9w
1069Please respect copyright.PENANAZhUOayD4Oy
中學時那連串的表白行為,其中一些我可是明知有男朋友也照去馬。1069Please respect copyright.PENANANymb3mnsbs
1069Please respect copyright.PENANAXorCHcmBeH
……那年我打算過自殺,甚至已經完成了氦氣袋的試作型。1069Please respect copyright.PENANAeqixQemfcH
1069Please respect copyright.PENANAIKt1gztv5q
「呀遊,我地大家今晚都互相坦白喇…然後睇下點樣互相接受到對方,好唔好?我唔想無左你呢個青梅竹馬,無論做唔做到情侶都好。」童桐說。1069Please respect copyright.PENANAZeVnEYZdHq
1069Please respect copyright.PENANAaGxYlnbqk0
「我諗…今晚我地都攰。」我說,「我求其煮個公仔麵就返過去。」1069Please respect copyright.PENANA9mfY2CkLiF
1069Please respect copyright.PENANA6dvUxcPeCf
「呀遊…」1069Please respect copyright.PENANAgjcz8HzdhD
1069Please respect copyright.PENANA3OsHikE5bF
「我會講。」我說,「只係…唔係今晚,我要,童桐,對唔住,我…做唔到…我好攰,我好撚亂呀,你明唔明呀。」1069Please respect copyright.PENANAdkkADfYRt2
1069Please respect copyright.PENANAm5rN8HcJV9
我試圖以過去的眼光看待她。1069Please respect copyright.PENANAp1TFlk0Xnw
1069Please respect copyright.PENANA3K7mX6078G
做不到。1069Please respect copyright.PENANAQTXUtplHCc
1069Please respect copyright.PENANAKFgpQBGjC0
我試圖向她坦白自己做過的一切。1069Please respect copyright.PENANAcRgTPXc8ga
1069Please respect copyright.PENANAjSP207tPhY
做不到。1069Please respect copyright.PENANAHB8vgcsVsY
1069Please respect copyright.PENANAvuhsoog6mU
既然我知道了她的真面目後這樣激動,這樣看待她,反過來…其實也一樣吧。1069Please respect copyright.PENANAIi1ocCc2zu
1069Please respect copyright.PENANAxDe4o4noB5
只是現在是我在暗,她在明,她才這樣向我告解一樣。1069Please respect copyright.PENANAnxQFUpxEH0
1069Please respect copyright.PENANABZfJZx6Css
下午離開Beta那兒之前,他幫我設定了一個倒數計時,現在距離核彈爆炸只剩下167小時。1069Please respect copyright.PENANAq7IqvrbRRp
1069Please respect copyright.PENANAw2FNWfaAmm
我沒有高童桐一等,更別說是道德高地。1069Please respect copyright.PENANARtFgSRCgBH
1069Please respect copyright.PENANAWoWqBNungx
所以我也沒法狠狠罵她一頓,然後說要帶她回正途,連這樣子我也做不到,這才是現在一切膠著,一切如陷五里霧中的原因。1069Please respect copyright.PENANAFYpmW9dkI4
1069Please respect copyright.PENANAClycumXmxg
既,沒法坦白。1069Please respect copyright.PENANA2L19ZTY0R9
1069Please respect copyright.PENANAwgNVIJxcQB
又,沒法斥責。1069Please respect copyright.PENANAQlTVy4DGf4
1069Please respect copyright.PENANA7xMPyYqkYl
既,沒法接受。1069Please respect copyright.PENANAdfndKlbNqk
1069Please respect copyright.PENANA2J4UcH0Uqz
也,沒法忘記。1069Please respect copyright.PENANAebNtkFcfR3
1069Please respect copyright.PENANACHHdwgLW5t
而且…也沒法理解。1069Please respect copyright.PENANAFTifYJrKQ8
1069Please respect copyright.PENANAhTgvSv9nt4
明明妍妍叫我不用在意她,去處理和童桐之間的事,結果卻變成了這樣子。1069Please respect copyright.PENANAJzIHeLVGzy
1069Please respect copyright.PENANAQKufypteB6
反倒有點對不起她了呢,我這爛人。1069Please respect copyright.PENANANTiAAkucVW
1069Please respect copyright.PENANAlKJb3YQ72m
我轉身胡亂地擦去眼淚,以免自己在童桐面前出醜。但這時背上傳來陣陣的溫暖,陣陣的柔軟,童桐從後抱住我,把頭靠到我背脊上,用耳朵貼住我的肌肉聆聽著我的心跳。1069Please respect copyright.PENANAGtP2Saa3ET
1069Please respect copyright.PENANAsgv6hysysS
「只要你係我身邊,你要嬲我幾耐都無所謂。」1069Please respect copyright.PENANAptYcb04lkd
1069Please respect copyright.PENANAxcJYIen3kv
「……」1069Please respect copyright.PENANAwM6dwTlYj2
1069Please respect copyright.PENANABypluYV0ZZ
「因為我地都應承過大家,嬲幾耐都好,最後都會搵返對方,唔準絕交,唔準永遠唔彩對方落去架嘛。」1069Please respect copyright.PENANAYbiywLEk9T
1069Please respect copyright.PENANAbdYDRrVbxU
她能聽到我的脈動,反之亦然。1069Please respect copyright.PENANAMUjvhmzqXs
1069Please respect copyright.PENANA0wSibyjHUK
我雖然沒法直接聽到,但我感受著童桐的每一下呼吸,每一下心跳,胸膛的每一起伏。1069Please respect copyright.PENANA9JuILKkY8a
1069Please respect copyright.PENANAC2DCJvZg8n
「只要你無事就好,我個晚真係好驚。」童桐說。1069Please respect copyright.PENANA0yiGa3UEjF
1069Please respect copyright.PENANAFQPxHQFvlr
「嗯,我都睇到係你救左我。」1069Please respect copyright.PENANAI1JXV5Bgjn
1069Please respect copyright.PENANAbp3veo4awv
「但即係係咁…即使你會討厭我,即使你個下已經知道左我係Dora,我唔知點面對你…我都唔想你有事。」1069Please respect copyright.PENANACf3vynQu6y
1069Please respect copyright.PENANAoBjiMRSY24
曾經她只求唯有我別討厭她。1069Please respect copyright.PENANAQWLLJQAEXf
1069Please respect copyright.PENANAe1gnVx3RNA
曾經她即使全世界討厭她也不怕,因為有我在她身邊。1069Please respect copyright.PENANAJsRrYa7eYq
1069Please respect copyright.PENANAdwxOzefkbJ
…現在即使連我也討厭她,她也只想我安全健康。1069Please respect copyright.PENANAwFoGhZH3H7
1069Please respect copyright.PENANAPoR7wRPou7
你叫我怎樣對你生氣,童桐。1069Please respect copyright.PENANAxTPCmbI6rS
1069Please respect copyright.PENANAOq49jpiBfd
「我…好多謝你,童桐。」我說,的確是她救了我。1069Please respect copyright.PENANAcXNk87n20a
1069Please respect copyright.PENANAPbG4ENINhE
「…到你覺得可以講既時候,就同我講。」童桐說,「我地只要互相坦白,然後互相再接受,互相理解對方,一定可以捱過呢一關。」1069Please respect copyright.PENANAJHs1Jk3pnf
1069Please respect copyright.PENANAymjXBMjlRo
咦?1069Please respect copyright.PENANARJytuDOAm0
1069Please respect copyright.PENANAuT3TdEysZU
腦中如一道清泉流過…我覺得這就是我和童桐最大的差異之處。1069Please respect copyright.PENANAMunY9v2rMT
1069Please respect copyright.PENANAAYLYlXXxIl
「接受與否」,是我的想法。1069Please respect copyright.PENANAOtnMmZs4bO
1069Please respect copyright.PENANAwPJKdnbFQI
「如何接受」,是童桐的想法。1069Please respect copyright.PENANAABZMxJ6kU0
1069Please respect copyright.PENANACpVBcWE8qb
那天晚上我和童桐沒有得出任何答案,甚至說沒有任何進展。1069Please respect copyright.PENANAYJNe1ke9HA
1069Please respect copyright.PENANAqr1Jxpjd28
她甚至沒有提出我希望中的苦衷,使我可以諒解的苦衷,只能得出「性格使然」的絕望答案。1069Please respect copyright.PENANAq0usr8vWOi
1069Please respect copyright.PENANAC8f3delZhf
老實說,場面比我想像中平靜,至少我們沒有向對方咆哮或痛哭。1069Please respect copyright.PENANAMoeS5RDG3G
1069Please respect copyright.PENANANEdDuyE9Wm
但是…無力感漸漸佔據了空氣,佔據了心底,連情緒該發洩向何處也沒有著力點。1069Please respect copyright.PENANAp6TwA5KSxY
1069Please respect copyright.PENANAgd85l2NSDC
我寧願和她痛痛快快吵一架,也不想這樣子…1069Please respect copyright.PENANA1aMv9nIkI3
1069Please respect copyright.PENANApWsmaEH9VT
…我真的不想。1069Please respect copyright.PENANANUv7zFDPPB
1069Please respect copyright.PENANAK4MvGWP7tz
至於和她坦白的話,我覺得不是時候,所以也沒有說出口。我需要時間去沉澱,去思考,去好好盤算接下來的做法。1069Please respect copyright.PENANAXaCxHmL5Zf
1069Please respect copyright.PENANABqhthdpmiw
活了在幻象中廿多年的我,被狠狠地摔到現實中。1069Please respect copyright.PENANAj1GcAfkc11
1069Please respect copyright.PENANAHmlYz2Abzk
現在我要學習在現實中活下去。1069Please respect copyright.PENANAZFSL0a0R8h
1069Please respect copyright.PENANAghtVs4TPSU
第二天早上,距離核彈發射還有153小時。1069Please respect copyright.PENANAGOqZiFZcxh
1069Please respect copyright.PENANAkOUkYSj7bw
童桐的窗簾現在到了早上醒來…也再沒有打開了。1069Please respect copyright.PENANAcQ0QfF3anq
1069Please respect copyright.PENANAiGCb7TAhq1
那兒,只有一片茫然和我心中懷念。
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【實體書有售】《青梅竹馬真係最難追》
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【實體書有售】《青梅竹馬真係最難追》
作者:
陳立正

篇 #65
結局篇III:我們都沒法理解15082022
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