但現實是這樣又如何?1012Please respect copyright.PENANAAbDmVInEYP
1012Please respect copyright.PENANAwjYiEn5OO6
沒法理解,沒法接受。1012Please respect copyright.PENANAgNZKCW5T0p
1012Please respect copyright.PENANAyuuAxsfQ6V
童桐變了,已經不再是我小時候認識的那個她。1012Please respect copyright.PENANAbaoN06UgYB
1012Please respect copyright.PENANAaCTL57sIo1
但現實對我來說,過於…難以理解。1012Please respect copyright.PENANA6BM3aeR9z9
1012Please respect copyright.PENANAjCW2cpehkV
她甚至連一個苦衷也不編,一個謊也不撒。1012Please respect copyright.PENANAhw91gdApq2
1012Please respect copyright.PENANAi9n92BezMK
要該高興嗎,還是要哭?我曾經視她如宗教一樣的存在,現在卻。1012Please respect copyright.PENANAquCZJm59Xz
1012Please respect copyright.PENANAlyV4IMDs2O
現在卻。1012Please respect copyright.PENANAmaMrOU4zv4
1012Please respect copyright.PENANAOuCpvn0KH5
感覺最近情緒上的衝擊,我已沒法作出正確的反應,腦海被攪成一團糊糨。我掩著臉搖著頭,恍如因射箭而滿是厚繭的雙手,能為我提供一個避風港。1012Please respect copyright.PENANAYtpgnIJ4Cl
1012Please respect copyright.PENANAV8sTnXRRn6
因為我的避風巷已經毀了。1012Please respect copyright.PENANAMNWlh5ePvF
1012Please respect copyright.PENANAzIGJ11yTlB
因為我的童年…1012Please respect copyright.PENANAdhLSw797I8
1012Please respect copyright.PENANAKFuZWOURyO
…真真正正的,結束了。1012Please respect copyright.PENANAAxMDOZ8eXL
1012Please respect copyright.PENANAIpasphPU9Y
「呀遊,我地都有唔想俾任何人見到既一面…我相信你都有。」童桐說,「但即使係咁…我都會接受,呀遊,因為由所有面向組成既…先係完整既你。」1012Please respect copyright.PENANAmYcHWwL84A
1012Please respect copyright.PENANA8SrBfmJmgW
甚麼是好人,甚麼是壞人?1012Please respect copyright.PENANAeVEoPEM0fD
1012Please respect copyright.PENANAZCftNnfp4k
壞人在自己的故事中,也是一個英雄。1012Please respect copyright.PENANAWfUX1yPrkX
1012Please respect copyright.PENANAxOqdrU10IO
捐錢幫助窮人的慈善家,也有人視之為資本主義中的剝削者。1012Please respect copyright.PENANAF2zwtMEvYn
1012Please respect copyright.PENANAlYithDlLmm
不用說到這樣宏大,我媽也不是沒被人說過HR死全家,我爸把釣到的魚放上網和人分享也被動保主義者說血腥屠夫。1012Please respect copyright.PENANAGPjXD1EMjD
1012Please respect copyright.PENANAKkI4A7wcJG
但對我來說,二人都是父母,是家人。1012Please respect copyright.PENANAyouG9tgIwf
1012Please respect copyright.PENANAL6fRvtfqy5
不同人對於不同人來說,可以同時是好人,同時亦是壞人。1012Please respect copyright.PENANADpessFZNi2
1012Please respect copyright.PENANA0uAGSidyk7
…但當距離親近如我和童桐這樣,所有面向便互相嵌鑲成一個完整的存在,並非一個單獨面向。1012Please respect copyright.PENANArGGgldn0WC
1012Please respect copyright.PENANARjujcjEQCV
愛慕她的好。1012Please respect copyright.PENANAPAdFejRjjv
1012Please respect copyright.PENANAxlqlVYhGIu
便要接受她的壞。1012Please respect copyright.PENANAI75WE8M8tj
1012Please respect copyright.PENANA5JYbYKCNx4
我竟然天真的曾經以為童桐只有好的那一面,如甚麼完美的聖女。1012Please respect copyright.PENANANVlaFuxyo3
1012Please respect copyright.PENANAUQZTa4uXgY
現在殘酷而赤裸裸的事實放在眼前,至於接受與否便是我們的課題了。1012Please respect copyright.PENANAayzilCbvoc
1012Please respect copyright.PENANA299g1tsKDn
即使我和童桐身上都穿著衣服,但卻比起過往十多年來任何時候還要更加赤裸,更加坦誠相見。1012Please respect copyright.PENANALJWzIC8bHX
1012Please respect copyright.PENANA5HKAmPIzWT
「你肯定?」我冷冷地說。1012Please respect copyright.PENANAC6D3lxjd3C
1012Please respect copyright.PENANA1dJcN3hRyl
她還不知道我幹了甚麼。1012Please respect copyright.PENANAFTHiKxfjCt
1012Please respect copyright.PENANAwF4ckvYsQ9
她還不知道我曾經打算幹甚麼。1012Please respect copyright.PENANATlU5EwauQ5
1012Please respect copyright.PENANAV7q5eWicQ3
「…嗯。」她說,「我,我又有咩資格話你?無論你做過咩都好…」1012Please respect copyright.PENANASdYyW2UQfD
1012Please respect copyright.PENANAfaZir1eg91
童桐雙眼發光,好像在淹水中捉到了救生圈一樣。1012Please respect copyright.PENANANHT6aItPAm
1012Please respect copyright.PENANA427N5MpFjq
「所以你覺得如果我都有一個黑暗面,一個黑化版既呀遊,我就同你一樣自私,同你一樣有唔見得光既一面,所以我地就平起平座,我就應該接受你,然後可以如以前一樣?」1012Please respect copyright.PENANAygxfHaHIBl
1012Please respect copyright.PENANACE7NVQafJN
「…唔係咁…」卻被我看穿了。1012Please respect copyright.PENANA6FEl7wxPnT
1012Please respect copyright.PENANAd6I0Uz3STd
「定係我咁講正合你意,咁樣你內心會舒服D,因為自甘墜落既人唔止你一個?」1012Please respect copyright.PENANAaWl2gtd5NU
1012Please respect copyright.PENANAYHRXW7Faa4
「唔係咁,唔係咁唔係咁,呀遊,唔好咁講,求下你…」童桐哭著說。1012Please respect copyright.PENANAhLHZkdQejr
1012Please respect copyright.PENANAenA3kfVDoR
「…童桐,我地永遠都唔可能好似以前一樣。」1012Please respect copyright.PENANAIU3CjCjAQF
1012Please respect copyright.PENANAht0mu7jPck
然後,我推開了她。1012Please respect copyright.PENANAX1JJeuqA9d
1012Please respect copyright.PENANAs9etDOPWbZ
史無前例地,我推開了正準近我,打算向我撒嬌的童桐。1012Please respect copyright.PENANAkU9y7iowNo
1012Please respect copyright.PENANAacjw00uota
「……」她露出寂寞的眼神。1012Please respect copyright.PENANAV3D8lKb59m
1012Please respect copyright.PENANAc37w6Gt7i3
「你講得岩,我都有另一面,我都有做過D唔想俾你知既事。」我低頭說,「但…我好亂,我唔知,我唔知點樣面對你,同你一樣。」1012Please respect copyright.PENANA6ygVblOPJL
1012Please respect copyright.PENANAbZvgwS86U2
「邊個會無?我鐘意你,即使你有咩秘密都好我都一定會…」童桐說。1012Please respect copyright.PENANAzIxKaEmFjZ
1012Please respect copyright.PENANAMJpTp0ca4D
「我係你就唔會咁講。」我苦笑。1012Please respect copyright.PENANAAjXAKBHsnV
1012Please respect copyright.PENANAyub0VpfoII
「係…?」1012Please respect copyright.PENANARfRf9ZEOLg
1012Please respect copyright.PENANAuQTB8SjD6j
「我個時都咁講過,我話無論你做過咩,有咩秘密我都會接受到…然後我個心就碎左。」我輕撫自己的胸口。1012Please respect copyright.PENANAezkJXvoMJ8
1012Please respect copyright.PENANAUHFZrvNSM8
愈是鐘愛於幻象,現實就更加殘酷。1012Please respect copyright.PENANAjcISfTcgQ2
1012Please respect copyright.PENANAgosHrNvPz7
夢中愈是甘甜,現實便愈見苦澀。1012Please respect copyright.PENANASRBZzNLrIH
1012Please respect copyright.PENANAJQbnbgidc7
「我唔信,呀遊你唔同我,你係個好人…」1012Please respect copyright.PENANAFw1exCgeNr
1012Please respect copyright.PENANA1Kd0oT50Rw
「我先唔係。」1012Please respect copyright.PENANAjdoKNFCx5X
1012Please respect copyright.PENANAxdgTvPjBqL
我早就不是甚麼好人。1012Please respect copyright.PENANAT5z9MnTBQQ
1012Please respect copyright.PENANAAi0RFwMFYC
從明明連人家名字還沒記住便去追求人家,胡亂表白開始,到之後的事。1012Please respect copyright.PENANA4KsXZpcWGV
1012Please respect copyright.PENANAziPF7gRJPo
我才不是「除了射箭甚麼也不會」的人。1012Please respect copyright.PENANAvo7oLhibP6
1012Please respect copyright.PENANAGTvpkMdVEi
「咁你講出黎。」她說,「我寧願你親口講,都唔想某日自己發現。」1012Please respect copyright.PENANAy33HMs5RMa
1012Please respect copyright.PENANAh5cwbkNuYR
「……」1012Please respect copyright.PENANAzSdW9t2KOf
1012Please respect copyright.PENANANcJokHox2S
是我害得植嵐晨自殺。1012Please respect copyright.PENANACSC3hgHxKT
1012Please respect copyright.PENANArrS7Dhm5rj
那天我差點按下了清理瀏覽記錄而間接害死他。1012Please respect copyright.PENANA9yLWmd7SBZ
1012Please respect copyright.PENANA2e6mbWgmLz
為了勝利我打算吃禁藥。1012Please respect copyright.PENANAUvBcmiKr4B
1012Please respect copyright.PENANAnDOXEgl8sd
我和妍妍有了肉體關係,但沒打算負責任。1012Please respect copyright.PENANA9SvKZXGDQf
1012Please respect copyright.PENANAlhGZHRhhxc
當天第一次妍妍出現在水上樂園是,其實是PTGF。1012Please respect copyright.PENANAI0LmlvW1Mx
1012Please respect copyright.PENANAP3aBmgpSvv
中學時那連串的表白行為,其中一些我可是明知有男朋友也照去馬。1012Please respect copyright.PENANAAWBDNgedZw
1012Please respect copyright.PENANArqFVAxMzGh
……那年我打算過自殺,甚至已經完成了氦氣袋的試作型。1012Please respect copyright.PENANALpAN7goWx1
1012Please respect copyright.PENANA7XIznqCkyn
「呀遊,我地大家今晚都互相坦白喇…然後睇下點樣互相接受到對方,好唔好?我唔想無左你呢個青梅竹馬,無論做唔做到情侶都好。」童桐說。1012Please respect copyright.PENANAl6yyoxuZLj
1012Please respect copyright.PENANAo96wSvsLJ1
「我諗…今晚我地都攰。」我說,「我求其煮個公仔麵就返過去。」1012Please respect copyright.PENANAOWGeVOVnjt
1012Please respect copyright.PENANAbqZir5Eqnq
「呀遊…」1012Please respect copyright.PENANAX8YEQXRxtD
1012Please respect copyright.PENANAu148w8EsZh
「我會講。」我說,「只係…唔係今晚,我要,童桐,對唔住,我…做唔到…我好攰,我好撚亂呀,你明唔明呀。」1012Please respect copyright.PENANAEuqa1ZEvvn
1012Please respect copyright.PENANAyPNrklEJBQ
我試圖以過去的眼光看待她。1012Please respect copyright.PENANAg9fJIDrqVW
1012Please respect copyright.PENANAObLVEeHPvQ
做不到。1012Please respect copyright.PENANApj66fwpoxh
1012Please respect copyright.PENANAbvahH17Tyq
我試圖向她坦白自己做過的一切。1012Please respect copyright.PENANAJFR7RhPtGv
1012Please respect copyright.PENANAtAaNa2gXI8
做不到。1012Please respect copyright.PENANAm9ff5mzpaC
1012Please respect copyright.PENANAYRdGAY3eOR
既然我知道了她的真面目後這樣激動,這樣看待她,反過來…其實也一樣吧。1012Please respect copyright.PENANAcqUHJoS1YA
1012Please respect copyright.PENANAgHwF7DUHag
只是現在是我在暗,她在明,她才這樣向我告解一樣。1012Please respect copyright.PENANA4Ue4SrXeJD
1012Please respect copyright.PENANAbLbIu0aopn
下午離開Beta那兒之前,他幫我設定了一個倒數計時,現在距離核彈爆炸只剩下167小時。1012Please respect copyright.PENANAitLkbaYlS6
1012Please respect copyright.PENANArOFBENz4f2
我沒有高童桐一等,更別說是道德高地。1012Please respect copyright.PENANAhyPgsNGK0L
1012Please respect copyright.PENANA1pkfIMngxy
所以我也沒法狠狠罵她一頓,然後說要帶她回正途,連這樣子我也做不到,這才是現在一切膠著,一切如陷五里霧中的原因。1012Please respect copyright.PENANA3uRUtGZwC5
1012Please respect copyright.PENANATApzaovttP
既,沒法坦白。1012Please respect copyright.PENANAe2fMOQYTXd
1012Please respect copyright.PENANAc1txzYE7zP
又,沒法斥責。1012Please respect copyright.PENANAVEsPTSjmGN
1012Please respect copyright.PENANAAzjqIphc1I
既,沒法接受。1012Please respect copyright.PENANAWvQjLGgT5N
1012Please respect copyright.PENANATDGM2m1svg
也,沒法忘記。1012Please respect copyright.PENANA9RS14SQOQD
1012Please respect copyright.PENANAmi4rwP6RYF
而且…也沒法理解。1012Please respect copyright.PENANA0npjoNQNiY
1012Please respect copyright.PENANAVDcg1iZkAk
明明妍妍叫我不用在意她,去處理和童桐之間的事,結果卻變成了這樣子。1012Please respect copyright.PENANAIxstD32ukk
1012Please respect copyright.PENANArekyQbbZ8I
反倒有點對不起她了呢,我這爛人。1012Please respect copyright.PENANAhWmsb68DU6
1012Please respect copyright.PENANAZ55M8P7D0S
我轉身胡亂地擦去眼淚,以免自己在童桐面前出醜。但這時背上傳來陣陣的溫暖,陣陣的柔軟,童桐從後抱住我,把頭靠到我背脊上,用耳朵貼住我的肌肉聆聽著我的心跳。1012Please respect copyright.PENANA1FLWrj9fSG
1012Please respect copyright.PENANANp5meS1W9s
「只要你係我身邊,你要嬲我幾耐都無所謂。」1012Please respect copyright.PENANABfieZ04gjh
1012Please respect copyright.PENANAyI1IgFGRao
「……」1012Please respect copyright.PENANAp4oT5U1IC3
1012Please respect copyright.PENANAP0B6UXKdvL
「因為我地都應承過大家,嬲幾耐都好,最後都會搵返對方,唔準絕交,唔準永遠唔彩對方落去架嘛。」1012Please respect copyright.PENANAAkkVGsaN4i
1012Please respect copyright.PENANAF9PixuEh48
她能聽到我的脈動,反之亦然。1012Please respect copyright.PENANAtNeyPGsVnZ
1012Please respect copyright.PENANAAJ4rV6FG7K
我雖然沒法直接聽到,但我感受著童桐的每一下呼吸,每一下心跳,胸膛的每一起伏。1012Please respect copyright.PENANAau15jktGJV
1012Please respect copyright.PENANA3776MabYF0
「只要你無事就好,我個晚真係好驚。」童桐說。1012Please respect copyright.PENANAv03EM88WoM
1012Please respect copyright.PENANAg00l6q0eSl
「嗯,我都睇到係你救左我。」1012Please respect copyright.PENANAXnQkaVyrHa
1012Please respect copyright.PENANAU9g8AdcNCW
「但即係係咁…即使你會討厭我,即使你個下已經知道左我係Dora,我唔知點面對你…我都唔想你有事。」1012Please respect copyright.PENANAJHCXW00WEz
1012Please respect copyright.PENANALImQs07IW0
曾經她只求唯有我別討厭她。1012Please respect copyright.PENANAFfC9DFQolm
1012Please respect copyright.PENANASItvZPQRQG
曾經她即使全世界討厭她也不怕,因為有我在她身邊。1012Please respect copyright.PENANAicxHze0kWU
1012Please respect copyright.PENANA2yZCCwDImT
…現在即使連我也討厭她,她也只想我安全健康。1012Please respect copyright.PENANAoAlmmAXZps
1012Please respect copyright.PENANAlSUIWHFG0j
你叫我怎樣對你生氣,童桐。1012Please respect copyright.PENANARe5WXVOALe
1012Please respect copyright.PENANAncYF6IaVxR
「我…好多謝你,童桐。」我說,的確是她救了我。1012Please respect copyright.PENANAsn6kKNb3Lm
1012Please respect copyright.PENANA1bLyAH7P57
「…到你覺得可以講既時候,就同我講。」童桐說,「我地只要互相坦白,然後互相再接受,互相理解對方,一定可以捱過呢一關。」1012Please respect copyright.PENANAGj9EEIfN3Y
1012Please respect copyright.PENANA4ooeIIwP3Q
咦?1012Please respect copyright.PENANAxahOnpr5oJ
1012Please respect copyright.PENANA3DA8rZHcBN
腦中如一道清泉流過…我覺得這就是我和童桐最大的差異之處。1012Please respect copyright.PENANAWWarnZFle9
1012Please respect copyright.PENANAEJkmGMgdY6
「接受與否」,是我的想法。1012Please respect copyright.PENANAMLOn049ruw
1012Please respect copyright.PENANAZ5hRmqUWwC
「如何接受」,是童桐的想法。1012Please respect copyright.PENANAnhpRR8tvpc
1012Please respect copyright.PENANAIO4zAG9DAY
那天晚上我和童桐沒有得出任何答案,甚至說沒有任何進展。1012Please respect copyright.PENANAn8Pmir4YNf
1012Please respect copyright.PENANA4aV0HNqZk3
她甚至沒有提出我希望中的苦衷,使我可以諒解的苦衷,只能得出「性格使然」的絕望答案。1012Please respect copyright.PENANA356YNnc2Ca
1012Please respect copyright.PENANABDk7XIBEAF
老實說,場面比我想像中平靜,至少我們沒有向對方咆哮或痛哭。1012Please respect copyright.PENANA0u5vSxo0rK
1012Please respect copyright.PENANAiCuqXqX5Yl
但是…無力感漸漸佔據了空氣,佔據了心底,連情緒該發洩向何處也沒有著力點。1012Please respect copyright.PENANABGrUuSIukS
1012Please respect copyright.PENANA86AQZ4zYXw
我寧願和她痛痛快快吵一架,也不想這樣子…1012Please respect copyright.PENANAI3kZFrY2LQ
1012Please respect copyright.PENANAxxawcQ50cf
…我真的不想。1012Please respect copyright.PENANAfzcMpF88ao
1012Please respect copyright.PENANAnD1yKcucGe
至於和她坦白的話,我覺得不是時候,所以也沒有說出口。我需要時間去沉澱,去思考,去好好盤算接下來的做法。1012Please respect copyright.PENANAWzJ93HUIAo
1012Please respect copyright.PENANA8IYNAZYaZ7
活了在幻象中廿多年的我,被狠狠地摔到現實中。1012Please respect copyright.PENANAbQXI5qFl8v
1012Please respect copyright.PENANAUFgXyyVDT6
現在我要學習在現實中活下去。1012Please respect copyright.PENANA5faLFZgnLY
1012Please respect copyright.PENANAc1szcMgQ2V
第二天早上,距離核彈發射還有153小時。1012Please respect copyright.PENANA32VqZHl4yJ
1012Please respect copyright.PENANAl9WJ9V9yiU
童桐的窗簾現在到了早上醒來…也再沒有打開了。1012Please respect copyright.PENANALWj6TRLqxk
1012Please respect copyright.PENANAHwgCO9AHV9
那兒,只有一片茫然和我心中懷念。
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【實體書有售】《青梅竹馬真係最難追》
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【實體書有售】《青梅竹馬真係最難追》
作者:
陳立正

篇 #65
結局篇III:我們都沒法理解15082022
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