但現實是這樣又如何?1120Please respect copyright.PENANApsGUxIZGWZ
1120Please respect copyright.PENANAvWT8a59Xh2
沒法理解,沒法接受。1120Please respect copyright.PENANAjq5nrvLW3f
1120Please respect copyright.PENANApPu5llV2bd
童桐變了,已經不再是我小時候認識的那個她。1120Please respect copyright.PENANAJfiSd8f1Su
1120Please respect copyright.PENANA3YPkJP6luS
但現實對我來說,過於…難以理解。1120Please respect copyright.PENANAs4IBfBcuvg
1120Please respect copyright.PENANAy4IfnGYj2q
她甚至連一個苦衷也不編,一個謊也不撒。1120Please respect copyright.PENANA3MI83LRlZM
1120Please respect copyright.PENANAdD0Qr98ZSh
要該高興嗎,還是要哭?我曾經視她如宗教一樣的存在,現在卻。1120Please respect copyright.PENANAl7xjBHx7bR
1120Please respect copyright.PENANA7oz0TsXLwM
現在卻。1120Please respect copyright.PENANA2lHW7p44nO
1120Please respect copyright.PENANAWuYLDqRSOF
感覺最近情緒上的衝擊,我已沒法作出正確的反應,腦海被攪成一團糊糨。我掩著臉搖著頭,恍如因射箭而滿是厚繭的雙手,能為我提供一個避風港。1120Please respect copyright.PENANAq47KryjCiP
1120Please respect copyright.PENANAr4krZUKfXd
因為我的避風巷已經毀了。1120Please respect copyright.PENANA7N49JgnqSu
1120Please respect copyright.PENANA0KY1pxCufz
因為我的童年…1120Please respect copyright.PENANAhIibAKziuh
1120Please respect copyright.PENANAas3ckQVbsA
…真真正正的,結束了。1120Please respect copyright.PENANAvPDTVG9wGq
1120Please respect copyright.PENANAJQVEbjzeHO
「呀遊,我地都有唔想俾任何人見到既一面…我相信你都有。」童桐說,「但即使係咁…我都會接受,呀遊,因為由所有面向組成既…先係完整既你。」1120Please respect copyright.PENANA5NKPNGBPqA
1120Please respect copyright.PENANA4i309NJz0u
甚麼是好人,甚麼是壞人?1120Please respect copyright.PENANABhP6erSDZ5
1120Please respect copyright.PENANAW85x1LM0ei
壞人在自己的故事中,也是一個英雄。1120Please respect copyright.PENANA6hKutVUZ7R
1120Please respect copyright.PENANA9cqV7tEJz4
捐錢幫助窮人的慈善家,也有人視之為資本主義中的剝削者。1120Please respect copyright.PENANA47WtXrVpHc
1120Please respect copyright.PENANAiEEgNccrRt
不用說到這樣宏大,我媽也不是沒被人說過HR死全家,我爸把釣到的魚放上網和人分享也被動保主義者說血腥屠夫。1120Please respect copyright.PENANAPFLnNX9qh1
1120Please respect copyright.PENANAYhPejypluV
但對我來說,二人都是父母,是家人。1120Please respect copyright.PENANAbYXdIz2D6t
1120Please respect copyright.PENANA53ynRZCu8y
不同人對於不同人來說,可以同時是好人,同時亦是壞人。1120Please respect copyright.PENANAyaVsAfPyJU
1120Please respect copyright.PENANAD3ZYwzro6Q
…但當距離親近如我和童桐這樣,所有面向便互相嵌鑲成一個完整的存在,並非一個單獨面向。1120Please respect copyright.PENANArxTEYYKp5w
1120Please respect copyright.PENANAuERT8SaIEm
愛慕她的好。1120Please respect copyright.PENANAlXLYkrfRjp
1120Please respect copyright.PENANAy5QX97wrX1
便要接受她的壞。1120Please respect copyright.PENANAJw03PmFXPK
1120Please respect copyright.PENANAFfGmGOAsad
我竟然天真的曾經以為童桐只有好的那一面,如甚麼完美的聖女。1120Please respect copyright.PENANAMq4YzpPmCr
1120Please respect copyright.PENANAEk6hC3nW1Z
現在殘酷而赤裸裸的事實放在眼前,至於接受與否便是我們的課題了。1120Please respect copyright.PENANAjhTbjnyXt0
1120Please respect copyright.PENANAllQldmuCgV
即使我和童桐身上都穿著衣服,但卻比起過往十多年來任何時候還要更加赤裸,更加坦誠相見。1120Please respect copyright.PENANADmpqbjqGvc
1120Please respect copyright.PENANAw9RQ11Pufy
「你肯定?」我冷冷地說。1120Please respect copyright.PENANAHgkMm42d2v
1120Please respect copyright.PENANA5JzTs3KuUL
她還不知道我幹了甚麼。1120Please respect copyright.PENANAEsg8LV1XMj
1120Please respect copyright.PENANAz6TOvzN4DD
她還不知道我曾經打算幹甚麼。1120Please respect copyright.PENANAlWH7340SIA
1120Please respect copyright.PENANAkU3WULWChN
「…嗯。」她說,「我,我又有咩資格話你?無論你做過咩都好…」1120Please respect copyright.PENANAHCYegG8DwQ
1120Please respect copyright.PENANAEnmo6jeUxt
童桐雙眼發光,好像在淹水中捉到了救生圈一樣。1120Please respect copyright.PENANAJ74pk5QwuU
1120Please respect copyright.PENANAEVDHRiSI14
「所以你覺得如果我都有一個黑暗面,一個黑化版既呀遊,我就同你一樣自私,同你一樣有唔見得光既一面,所以我地就平起平座,我就應該接受你,然後可以如以前一樣?」1120Please respect copyright.PENANATQlNzYM2j8
1120Please respect copyright.PENANAMMKKGGbegh
「…唔係咁…」卻被我看穿了。1120Please respect copyright.PENANAhS0scDK6Un
1120Please respect copyright.PENANALpsg0n7CD9
「定係我咁講正合你意,咁樣你內心會舒服D,因為自甘墜落既人唔止你一個?」1120Please respect copyright.PENANA9pU3XuG2Ck
1120Please respect copyright.PENANAPzwaqGpiCg
「唔係咁,唔係咁唔係咁,呀遊,唔好咁講,求下你…」童桐哭著說。1120Please respect copyright.PENANAdEd3VD0qHI
1120Please respect copyright.PENANA3oIGiYmX4F
「…童桐,我地永遠都唔可能好似以前一樣。」1120Please respect copyright.PENANAny80moZBwt
1120Please respect copyright.PENANA752U4z4cq9
然後,我推開了她。1120Please respect copyright.PENANAZ48QqT6XFv
1120Please respect copyright.PENANAhVcR8Higfp
史無前例地,我推開了正準近我,打算向我撒嬌的童桐。1120Please respect copyright.PENANAFukW5lIrzK
1120Please respect copyright.PENANAywk7SWcqKn
「……」她露出寂寞的眼神。1120Please respect copyright.PENANAU1RQQnEbaH
1120Please respect copyright.PENANAJohBMnRDJL
「你講得岩,我都有另一面,我都有做過D唔想俾你知既事。」我低頭說,「但…我好亂,我唔知,我唔知點樣面對你,同你一樣。」1120Please respect copyright.PENANA41ZkPj2AON
1120Please respect copyright.PENANAMgMayWfGKz
「邊個會無?我鐘意你,即使你有咩秘密都好我都一定會…」童桐說。1120Please respect copyright.PENANA4e0jUmeTM8
1120Please respect copyright.PENANAIR6u9tzQoo
「我係你就唔會咁講。」我苦笑。1120Please respect copyright.PENANAGCGFe4JzDD
1120Please respect copyright.PENANAdAE6770BnL
「係…?」1120Please respect copyright.PENANA5pZdGo4YKT
1120Please respect copyright.PENANArIKMESmPY0
「我個時都咁講過,我話無論你做過咩,有咩秘密我都會接受到…然後我個心就碎左。」我輕撫自己的胸口。1120Please respect copyright.PENANAdBxL9jvX68
1120Please respect copyright.PENANANKd70U35J1
愈是鐘愛於幻象,現實就更加殘酷。1120Please respect copyright.PENANAAyWa8IhSzH
1120Please respect copyright.PENANAdSreWpyR0b
夢中愈是甘甜,現實便愈見苦澀。1120Please respect copyright.PENANA7UJIm6QtkV
1120Please respect copyright.PENANAqNznWGlf0i
「我唔信,呀遊你唔同我,你係個好人…」1120Please respect copyright.PENANATH6Y7fPouI
1120Please respect copyright.PENANAEds92DF5jB
「我先唔係。」1120Please respect copyright.PENANA4YmXEf1t7U
1120Please respect copyright.PENANAQBVfd2JnKA
我早就不是甚麼好人。1120Please respect copyright.PENANA2Hn7N8c1JL
1120Please respect copyright.PENANAteBx96PE44
從明明連人家名字還沒記住便去追求人家,胡亂表白開始,到之後的事。1120Please respect copyright.PENANAah1iEgiaTf
1120Please respect copyright.PENANAVWLt5CXV55
我才不是「除了射箭甚麼也不會」的人。1120Please respect copyright.PENANASSGrOszAL7
1120Please respect copyright.PENANADa5zLEgP9P
「咁你講出黎。」她說,「我寧願你親口講,都唔想某日自己發現。」1120Please respect copyright.PENANAfj30s34Xhi
1120Please respect copyright.PENANALkjwPtXowl
「……」1120Please respect copyright.PENANAyfor9kjDPE
1120Please respect copyright.PENANAUGHH4ObIEm
是我害得植嵐晨自殺。1120Please respect copyright.PENANAaHM1Xb905d
1120Please respect copyright.PENANAYzG88cEm0d
那天我差點按下了清理瀏覽記錄而間接害死他。1120Please respect copyright.PENANAq8L0TdxlxW
1120Please respect copyright.PENANAxkZISu6guJ
為了勝利我打算吃禁藥。1120Please respect copyright.PENANAlfj42VA4WM
1120Please respect copyright.PENANA4LENSnejK9
我和妍妍有了肉體關係,但沒打算負責任。1120Please respect copyright.PENANASEnnioh51b
1120Please respect copyright.PENANA8pgOtuvtKo
當天第一次妍妍出現在水上樂園是,其實是PTGF。1120Please respect copyright.PENANAna6CPOSxz7
1120Please respect copyright.PENANA4G9bPgBO0T
中學時那連串的表白行為,其中一些我可是明知有男朋友也照去馬。1120Please respect copyright.PENANAX5xP2bGAaE
1120Please respect copyright.PENANA2nStFcvkT3
……那年我打算過自殺,甚至已經完成了氦氣袋的試作型。1120Please respect copyright.PENANAY5W0FmgBKc
1120Please respect copyright.PENANACOR7Py676t
「呀遊,我地大家今晚都互相坦白喇…然後睇下點樣互相接受到對方,好唔好?我唔想無左你呢個青梅竹馬,無論做唔做到情侶都好。」童桐說。1120Please respect copyright.PENANAld5OmOa5fD
1120Please respect copyright.PENANATKS7EHhdfS
「我諗…今晚我地都攰。」我說,「我求其煮個公仔麵就返過去。」1120Please respect copyright.PENANAjRca9vhMwq
1120Please respect copyright.PENANA7frdHh3Zgh
「呀遊…」1120Please respect copyright.PENANAm9aLX2rzLb
1120Please respect copyright.PENANA0CaG7wglBU
「我會講。」我說,「只係…唔係今晚,我要,童桐,對唔住,我…做唔到…我好攰,我好撚亂呀,你明唔明呀。」1120Please respect copyright.PENANABCvXAK7TzS
1120Please respect copyright.PENANA5UTKRAYDVY
我試圖以過去的眼光看待她。1120Please respect copyright.PENANAMtMsCmkGJ1
1120Please respect copyright.PENANAJh79ZzYkcd
做不到。1120Please respect copyright.PENANAwsKGaOHuwp
1120Please respect copyright.PENANA5qd4sK0frr
我試圖向她坦白自己做過的一切。1120Please respect copyright.PENANA7k0YKPlTN4
1120Please respect copyright.PENANAIroF6JBBhb
做不到。1120Please respect copyright.PENANAVLtXiTJujM
1120Please respect copyright.PENANAjtpscRxpib
既然我知道了她的真面目後這樣激動,這樣看待她,反過來…其實也一樣吧。1120Please respect copyright.PENANA3CFwpCiaEe
1120Please respect copyright.PENANAr718BUq1rM
只是現在是我在暗,她在明,她才這樣向我告解一樣。1120Please respect copyright.PENANAlAymzISEyj
1120Please respect copyright.PENANAtOJWP6jLpJ
下午離開Beta那兒之前,他幫我設定了一個倒數計時,現在距離核彈爆炸只剩下167小時。1120Please respect copyright.PENANAtUqEmfVuMB
1120Please respect copyright.PENANANjhZYvxPKh
我沒有高童桐一等,更別說是道德高地。1120Please respect copyright.PENANA2RGWNCzmeA
1120Please respect copyright.PENANAilTo9H1Nvu
所以我也沒法狠狠罵她一頓,然後說要帶她回正途,連這樣子我也做不到,這才是現在一切膠著,一切如陷五里霧中的原因。1120Please respect copyright.PENANAIiLX8BN6at
1120Please respect copyright.PENANA9JseqvwzD1
既,沒法坦白。1120Please respect copyright.PENANA6X8mUI85cR
1120Please respect copyright.PENANAUeNIuqKuDR
又,沒法斥責。1120Please respect copyright.PENANAam8gKYHh04
1120Please respect copyright.PENANA0ePlMeP15h
既,沒法接受。1120Please respect copyright.PENANArklkJbK09n
1120Please respect copyright.PENANAXzDpngH2Kk
也,沒法忘記。1120Please respect copyright.PENANA3C7Aea75LS
1120Please respect copyright.PENANAAfbdrQqDas
而且…也沒法理解。1120Please respect copyright.PENANAp8LqyHX1qu
1120Please respect copyright.PENANADkRfgxnngh
明明妍妍叫我不用在意她,去處理和童桐之間的事,結果卻變成了這樣子。1120Please respect copyright.PENANAwH8sh7CkvC
1120Please respect copyright.PENANAP9tt9lYIe3
反倒有點對不起她了呢,我這爛人。1120Please respect copyright.PENANAHpiPAOoUzl
1120Please respect copyright.PENANACG5tW2elyj
我轉身胡亂地擦去眼淚,以免自己在童桐面前出醜。但這時背上傳來陣陣的溫暖,陣陣的柔軟,童桐從後抱住我,把頭靠到我背脊上,用耳朵貼住我的肌肉聆聽著我的心跳。1120Please respect copyright.PENANA5X7s9zIZ02
1120Please respect copyright.PENANAoqO2QVh0VR
「只要你係我身邊,你要嬲我幾耐都無所謂。」1120Please respect copyright.PENANApQo4h8lpoo
1120Please respect copyright.PENANA3rd3nUQu9N
「……」1120Please respect copyright.PENANAfFE5FMwGXn
1120Please respect copyright.PENANAHYxLTQ7cdm
「因為我地都應承過大家,嬲幾耐都好,最後都會搵返對方,唔準絕交,唔準永遠唔彩對方落去架嘛。」1120Please respect copyright.PENANAMVk9NWFzXn
1120Please respect copyright.PENANAkUlhwE4qm3
她能聽到我的脈動,反之亦然。1120Please respect copyright.PENANAmq1RREk7Jd
1120Please respect copyright.PENANA6D7MMWbA68
我雖然沒法直接聽到,但我感受著童桐的每一下呼吸,每一下心跳,胸膛的每一起伏。1120Please respect copyright.PENANAH2w9Gnj8y1
1120Please respect copyright.PENANAe7vhZgyUgw
「只要你無事就好,我個晚真係好驚。」童桐說。1120Please respect copyright.PENANAubc76D3aAH
1120Please respect copyright.PENANAYxn0gDYK8b
「嗯,我都睇到係你救左我。」1120Please respect copyright.PENANA0sf8eLwpBO
1120Please respect copyright.PENANAQ6VvnKjHKA
「但即係係咁…即使你會討厭我,即使你個下已經知道左我係Dora,我唔知點面對你…我都唔想你有事。」1120Please respect copyright.PENANAlGHrr9n3Ds
1120Please respect copyright.PENANAOK8CTNS1fG
曾經她只求唯有我別討厭她。1120Please respect copyright.PENANAsKatmHv1aV
1120Please respect copyright.PENANAAtN95W8ol6
曾經她即使全世界討厭她也不怕,因為有我在她身邊。1120Please respect copyright.PENANALnEshrmjsP
1120Please respect copyright.PENANAVxRU1e2T5a
…現在即使連我也討厭她,她也只想我安全健康。1120Please respect copyright.PENANAxePtDbXCso
1120Please respect copyright.PENANAWsoX1ibVXH
你叫我怎樣對你生氣,童桐。1120Please respect copyright.PENANAazE9tSg6tJ
1120Please respect copyright.PENANACh2APDmzq6
「我…好多謝你,童桐。」我說,的確是她救了我。1120Please respect copyright.PENANA4HffMWom7K
1120Please respect copyright.PENANAhflppAOKNi
「…到你覺得可以講既時候,就同我講。」童桐說,「我地只要互相坦白,然後互相再接受,互相理解對方,一定可以捱過呢一關。」1120Please respect copyright.PENANAFwoHceMwhK
1120Please respect copyright.PENANAxqAnlvwUUy
咦?1120Please respect copyright.PENANAyRFJB2LRid
1120Please respect copyright.PENANA5ywnywIptY
腦中如一道清泉流過…我覺得這就是我和童桐最大的差異之處。1120Please respect copyright.PENANA6eCThT1V6T
1120Please respect copyright.PENANA8aWdeE420B
「接受與否」,是我的想法。1120Please respect copyright.PENANAZMfWP0tJba
1120Please respect copyright.PENANAa0AACUxnia
「如何接受」,是童桐的想法。1120Please respect copyright.PENANAjcc1DPzC32
1120Please respect copyright.PENANAHbWtRr8eks
那天晚上我和童桐沒有得出任何答案,甚至說沒有任何進展。1120Please respect copyright.PENANA7rYldTlbIm
1120Please respect copyright.PENANAqizzNcYPmH
她甚至沒有提出我希望中的苦衷,使我可以諒解的苦衷,只能得出「性格使然」的絕望答案。1120Please respect copyright.PENANA6cBMNVoxfW
1120Please respect copyright.PENANAOxgWQF4IuT
老實說,場面比我想像中平靜,至少我們沒有向對方咆哮或痛哭。1120Please respect copyright.PENANASFYwKUEwH5
1120Please respect copyright.PENANAN5yETTpphO
但是…無力感漸漸佔據了空氣,佔據了心底,連情緒該發洩向何處也沒有著力點。1120Please respect copyright.PENANALdL8CfKlb5
1120Please respect copyright.PENANAh2dU9QuvWt
我寧願和她痛痛快快吵一架,也不想這樣子…1120Please respect copyright.PENANA0mR0af7BfO
1120Please respect copyright.PENANA3JRniP1arQ
…我真的不想。1120Please respect copyright.PENANAdAj23Mhrn3
1120Please respect copyright.PENANA5Z0eD8AUR1
至於和她坦白的話,我覺得不是時候,所以也沒有說出口。我需要時間去沉澱,去思考,去好好盤算接下來的做法。1120Please respect copyright.PENANAjd1yzAhzX2
1120Please respect copyright.PENANAisxNMtwKND
活了在幻象中廿多年的我,被狠狠地摔到現實中。1120Please respect copyright.PENANAhy782AGiSd
1120Please respect copyright.PENANAVfGLIODDhB
現在我要學習在現實中活下去。1120Please respect copyright.PENANAfuTiLWGjPc
1120Please respect copyright.PENANAO7LqSKAShh
第二天早上,距離核彈發射還有153小時。1120Please respect copyright.PENANAjpANpTKYBL
1120Please respect copyright.PENANAtH5RRAAfQX
童桐的窗簾現在到了早上醒來…也再沒有打開了。1120Please respect copyright.PENANAsqyErHsvJv
1120Please respect copyright.PENANAhaF0k3iCcE
那兒,只有一片茫然和我心中懷念。
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【實體書有售】《青梅竹馬真係最難追》
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【實體書有售】《青梅竹馬真係最難追》
作者:
陳立正

篇 #65
結局篇III:我們都沒法理解15082022
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