但現實是這樣又如何?755Please respect copyright.PENANAOReNLUej7D
755Please respect copyright.PENANAo7iDhD8hiJ
沒法理解,沒法接受。755Please respect copyright.PENANAXl5ru662sa
755Please respect copyright.PENANAyTqE5tkyaF
童桐變了,已經不再是我小時候認識的那個她。755Please respect copyright.PENANADGeVRoIZu7
755Please respect copyright.PENANAuiAKy4JKoc
但現實對我來說,過於…難以理解。755Please respect copyright.PENANA0iGcUSwHuy
755Please respect copyright.PENANAyfI2sWWBgG
她甚至連一個苦衷也不編,一個謊也不撒。755Please respect copyright.PENANADAlBhn81dE
755Please respect copyright.PENANALZa538ujci
要該高興嗎,還是要哭?我曾經視她如宗教一樣的存在,現在卻。755Please respect copyright.PENANAXTCVlynRBi
755Please respect copyright.PENANAoPXYn3Ajrs
現在卻。755Please respect copyright.PENANAUC9VawTY52
755Please respect copyright.PENANA2CzSrrwgMi
感覺最近情緒上的衝擊,我已沒法作出正確的反應,腦海被攪成一團糊糨。我掩著臉搖著頭,恍如因射箭而滿是厚繭的雙手,能為我提供一個避風港。755Please respect copyright.PENANA4ewi6lrVxa
755Please respect copyright.PENANAxPnWC2SSLe
因為我的避風巷已經毀了。755Please respect copyright.PENANAcmchD0AYFw
755Please respect copyright.PENANAqwWyVfWRGD
因為我的童年…755Please respect copyright.PENANAA3ph5HwxDf
755Please respect copyright.PENANAUbu463UI4M
…真真正正的,結束了。755Please respect copyright.PENANAcnjWlnfgxI
755Please respect copyright.PENANAOr8PNbglzL
「呀遊,我地都有唔想俾任何人見到既一面…我相信你都有。」童桐說,「但即使係咁…我都會接受,呀遊,因為由所有面向組成既…先係完整既你。」755Please respect copyright.PENANAlCz0pRDpO2
755Please respect copyright.PENANABPbUmUQrzE
甚麼是好人,甚麼是壞人?755Please respect copyright.PENANAxhsDkVQbg7
755Please respect copyright.PENANAIH3X7uud26
壞人在自己的故事中,也是一個英雄。755Please respect copyright.PENANAwJp6HshdVi
755Please respect copyright.PENANAfd9pvRIAVV
捐錢幫助窮人的慈善家,也有人視之為資本主義中的剝削者。755Please respect copyright.PENANAsJ17jii86E
755Please respect copyright.PENANAFqEtjdHshw
不用說到這樣宏大,我媽也不是沒被人說過HR死全家,我爸把釣到的魚放上網和人分享也被動保主義者說血腥屠夫。755Please respect copyright.PENANAp5EWaZm1SH
755Please respect copyright.PENANARKtgTMBemf
但對我來說,二人都是父母,是家人。755Please respect copyright.PENANAHPPDgD8abG
755Please respect copyright.PENANA2EGR0aKdBA
不同人對於不同人來說,可以同時是好人,同時亦是壞人。755Please respect copyright.PENANAY9uEn8Ij3q
755Please respect copyright.PENANAFlZNwEjseQ
…但當距離親近如我和童桐這樣,所有面向便互相嵌鑲成一個完整的存在,並非一個單獨面向。755Please respect copyright.PENANAiisXH4YI98
755Please respect copyright.PENANAIoDJkJn96d
愛慕她的好。755Please respect copyright.PENANAKuY13EkkLU
755Please respect copyright.PENANARrDU3ZQ2pJ
便要接受她的壞。755Please respect copyright.PENANAcZ3bno2tWo
755Please respect copyright.PENANAjeQaY5s4qr
我竟然天真的曾經以為童桐只有好的那一面,如甚麼完美的聖女。755Please respect copyright.PENANAIiFuwLoAyb
755Please respect copyright.PENANA7uR0cGytuN
現在殘酷而赤裸裸的事實放在眼前,至於接受與否便是我們的課題了。755Please respect copyright.PENANA7QLAeDXTQO
755Please respect copyright.PENANAB3gjvPZbHm
即使我和童桐身上都穿著衣服,但卻比起過往十多年來任何時候還要更加赤裸,更加坦誠相見。755Please respect copyright.PENANACnZjrq1UIQ
755Please respect copyright.PENANAWYDJ0WO5mY
「你肯定?」我冷冷地說。755Please respect copyright.PENANATxY5ya0Hgh
755Please respect copyright.PENANAiWBewiDkCA
她還不知道我幹了甚麼。755Please respect copyright.PENANAM29aRTvv6M
755Please respect copyright.PENANAXAAv03Y2Kp
她還不知道我曾經打算幹甚麼。755Please respect copyright.PENANA1liP9A6ZjP
755Please respect copyright.PENANAO7GHt0wKdr
「…嗯。」她說,「我,我又有咩資格話你?無論你做過咩都好…」755Please respect copyright.PENANAiewwsrmKC3
755Please respect copyright.PENANAatfGMhensc
童桐雙眼發光,好像在淹水中捉到了救生圈一樣。755Please respect copyright.PENANAJEE0uFhYdH
755Please respect copyright.PENANAb7KWuXtcxy
「所以你覺得如果我都有一個黑暗面,一個黑化版既呀遊,我就同你一樣自私,同你一樣有唔見得光既一面,所以我地就平起平座,我就應該接受你,然後可以如以前一樣?」755Please respect copyright.PENANACWQMwtyIMV
755Please respect copyright.PENANAQldUnvbFqM
「…唔係咁…」卻被我看穿了。755Please respect copyright.PENANA3x0asjKHSA
755Please respect copyright.PENANAbLHJXjatQ0
「定係我咁講正合你意,咁樣你內心會舒服D,因為自甘墜落既人唔止你一個?」755Please respect copyright.PENANAG5AP5t1pEx
755Please respect copyright.PENANASUNliQItAL
「唔係咁,唔係咁唔係咁,呀遊,唔好咁講,求下你…」童桐哭著說。755Please respect copyright.PENANAWx0kwqZ45W
755Please respect copyright.PENANAbmMyaz6861
「…童桐,我地永遠都唔可能好似以前一樣。」755Please respect copyright.PENANABMQF4oMWwN
755Please respect copyright.PENANAQ54W9iaRtJ
然後,我推開了她。755Please respect copyright.PENANADpDSEtiTa3
755Please respect copyright.PENANAzmYQ0txhmp
史無前例地,我推開了正準近我,打算向我撒嬌的童桐。755Please respect copyright.PENANASBmfMqOfis
755Please respect copyright.PENANAs5yx3vOktU
「……」她露出寂寞的眼神。755Please respect copyright.PENANAlKyPaSq5Io
755Please respect copyright.PENANAkeNKfUxVuB
「你講得岩,我都有另一面,我都有做過D唔想俾你知既事。」我低頭說,「但…我好亂,我唔知,我唔知點樣面對你,同你一樣。」755Please respect copyright.PENANA6eN2lrxkrY
755Please respect copyright.PENANA75JOKcUJKm
「邊個會無?我鐘意你,即使你有咩秘密都好我都一定會…」童桐說。755Please respect copyright.PENANAmBwH92hQbO
755Please respect copyright.PENANAhr62Ljeapt
「我係你就唔會咁講。」我苦笑。755Please respect copyright.PENANAhiskjVI04J
755Please respect copyright.PENANAFtLCpVL4Wb
「係…?」755Please respect copyright.PENANANoRBNNLvWE
755Please respect copyright.PENANAd3fyIDgaQQ
「我個時都咁講過,我話無論你做過咩,有咩秘密我都會接受到…然後我個心就碎左。」我輕撫自己的胸口。755Please respect copyright.PENANAt3d56dhbCp
755Please respect copyright.PENANARfTv2g600F
愈是鐘愛於幻象,現實就更加殘酷。755Please respect copyright.PENANAxaSsTZDMpv
755Please respect copyright.PENANAH2kKM5q7p8
夢中愈是甘甜,現實便愈見苦澀。755Please respect copyright.PENANAvlLJ95YRP3
755Please respect copyright.PENANARPPOXjb9eG
「我唔信,呀遊你唔同我,你係個好人…」755Please respect copyright.PENANAbCM3dtJbYc
755Please respect copyright.PENANAfZJWJV4Zl4
「我先唔係。」755Please respect copyright.PENANA1aBudADjkN
755Please respect copyright.PENANAQpek3v0esg
我早就不是甚麼好人。755Please respect copyright.PENANA9vK4cXRSEL
755Please respect copyright.PENANARnnaLZIf9J
從明明連人家名字還沒記住便去追求人家,胡亂表白開始,到之後的事。755Please respect copyright.PENANAHNtZRLO5L8
755Please respect copyright.PENANAUBsKIZfBDd
我才不是「除了射箭甚麼也不會」的人。755Please respect copyright.PENANAjAT4Uk4zwV
755Please respect copyright.PENANAp4kofq6jI3
「咁你講出黎。」她說,「我寧願你親口講,都唔想某日自己發現。」755Please respect copyright.PENANAPqND45zOBc
755Please respect copyright.PENANAgZ1jCttveY
「……」755Please respect copyright.PENANAO63Olu1G5q
755Please respect copyright.PENANAyUVfBPeF3B
是我害得植嵐晨自殺。755Please respect copyright.PENANAmX5eoAX89N
755Please respect copyright.PENANAQh0EJ9H2Ms
那天我差點按下了清理瀏覽記錄而間接害死他。755Please respect copyright.PENANAxVzhq5M6pQ
755Please respect copyright.PENANAHDepZsmHGl
為了勝利我打算吃禁藥。755Please respect copyright.PENANAlEqcJK6pOH
755Please respect copyright.PENANAVRAlFj7mZg
我和妍妍有了肉體關係,但沒打算負責任。755Please respect copyright.PENANALc4V71cZHD
755Please respect copyright.PENANAQW85wo4I4k
當天第一次妍妍出現在水上樂園是,其實是PTGF。755Please respect copyright.PENANAtStgOto1ah
755Please respect copyright.PENANAnB6wNJJh7V
中學時那連串的表白行為,其中一些我可是明知有男朋友也照去馬。755Please respect copyright.PENANAuuKIuI5iLJ
755Please respect copyright.PENANARoRBGkaMNA
……那年我打算過自殺,甚至已經完成了氦氣袋的試作型。755Please respect copyright.PENANAGqYktPKlrJ
755Please respect copyright.PENANALNo1PvccDZ
「呀遊,我地大家今晚都互相坦白喇…然後睇下點樣互相接受到對方,好唔好?我唔想無左你呢個青梅竹馬,無論做唔做到情侶都好。」童桐說。755Please respect copyright.PENANAbb3r2Vu1VS
755Please respect copyright.PENANA5RXZMqVtl3
「我諗…今晚我地都攰。」我說,「我求其煮個公仔麵就返過去。」755Please respect copyright.PENANAsynT9j8hut
755Please respect copyright.PENANAyXG5iA4AZ8
「呀遊…」755Please respect copyright.PENANAGDGKZmy1D7
755Please respect copyright.PENANADt8X1oVckJ
「我會講。」我說,「只係…唔係今晚,我要,童桐,對唔住,我…做唔到…我好攰,我好撚亂呀,你明唔明呀。」755Please respect copyright.PENANAHZ46v4TdXF
755Please respect copyright.PENANApnl5tJb71W
我試圖以過去的眼光看待她。755Please respect copyright.PENANAHc6i5ZUUaY
755Please respect copyright.PENANA0DEdIt4siX
做不到。755Please respect copyright.PENANA3ImzBx3ouh
755Please respect copyright.PENANAhzs5Mxa3EW
我試圖向她坦白自己做過的一切。755Please respect copyright.PENANAtQCMA80IMw
755Please respect copyright.PENANAyfiWRTwoML
做不到。755Please respect copyright.PENANAcUUWpeZkWC
755Please respect copyright.PENANAY6THdqvLdj
既然我知道了她的真面目後這樣激動,這樣看待她,反過來…其實也一樣吧。755Please respect copyright.PENANAhqBJDE0hLr
755Please respect copyright.PENANAp6rP8S2jDB
只是現在是我在暗,她在明,她才這樣向我告解一樣。755Please respect copyright.PENANAJZTGnyJg4O
755Please respect copyright.PENANAmymUJQrl6b
下午離開Beta那兒之前,他幫我設定了一個倒數計時,現在距離核彈爆炸只剩下167小時。755Please respect copyright.PENANAX17BbVMDo8
755Please respect copyright.PENANAkRcXwGTtJr
我沒有高童桐一等,更別說是道德高地。755Please respect copyright.PENANAJg810RkRo9
755Please respect copyright.PENANAvshIi0qy7E
所以我也沒法狠狠罵她一頓,然後說要帶她回正途,連這樣子我也做不到,這才是現在一切膠著,一切如陷五里霧中的原因。755Please respect copyright.PENANAZQlABONyUE
755Please respect copyright.PENANAHgfky3p7Ba
既,沒法坦白。755Please respect copyright.PENANAl104Id5x4g
755Please respect copyright.PENANA9Kf5BtydS3
又,沒法斥責。755Please respect copyright.PENANAptDiqzEwEV
755Please respect copyright.PENANA8wH28TELvM
既,沒法接受。755Please respect copyright.PENANAOPLnJhiYpQ
755Please respect copyright.PENANACFYQEtiv76
也,沒法忘記。755Please respect copyright.PENANAL8H464qW47
755Please respect copyright.PENANAnzTskYUt22
而且…也沒法理解。755Please respect copyright.PENANAmyHNTk6544
755Please respect copyright.PENANABaks82Ex74
明明妍妍叫我不用在意她,去處理和童桐之間的事,結果卻變成了這樣子。755Please respect copyright.PENANAProlcDkoaM
755Please respect copyright.PENANARigq6C9cBl
反倒有點對不起她了呢,我這爛人。755Please respect copyright.PENANAIluMWi76YB
755Please respect copyright.PENANApgefBMZfLu
我轉身胡亂地擦去眼淚,以免自己在童桐面前出醜。但這時背上傳來陣陣的溫暖,陣陣的柔軟,童桐從後抱住我,把頭靠到我背脊上,用耳朵貼住我的肌肉聆聽著我的心跳。755Please respect copyright.PENANAWyynLLb40V
755Please respect copyright.PENANAIBQkHtWEOU
「只要你係我身邊,你要嬲我幾耐都無所謂。」755Please respect copyright.PENANAmP0DgzMtuh
755Please respect copyright.PENANAv7KSkSHXD9
「……」755Please respect copyright.PENANAxj7tUNzyoy
755Please respect copyright.PENANAT1RL0DCvnn
「因為我地都應承過大家,嬲幾耐都好,最後都會搵返對方,唔準絕交,唔準永遠唔彩對方落去架嘛。」755Please respect copyright.PENANAfCVcQT8yMV
755Please respect copyright.PENANAXa7QcYLyyn
她能聽到我的脈動,反之亦然。755Please respect copyright.PENANApL07z7t7Nq
755Please respect copyright.PENANAJjxQA0RCZ4
我雖然沒法直接聽到,但我感受著童桐的每一下呼吸,每一下心跳,胸膛的每一起伏。755Please respect copyright.PENANALp8VsbZDZs
755Please respect copyright.PENANA2Vlki3Cqb0
「只要你無事就好,我個晚真係好驚。」童桐說。755Please respect copyright.PENANAnxR9jivYZI
755Please respect copyright.PENANAzmbCx2W9rL
「嗯,我都睇到係你救左我。」755Please respect copyright.PENANACYnpXRdZiF
755Please respect copyright.PENANAJJHZ3E11nQ
「但即係係咁…即使你會討厭我,即使你個下已經知道左我係Dora,我唔知點面對你…我都唔想你有事。」755Please respect copyright.PENANADuFY7L4RKu
755Please respect copyright.PENANAKhxeTlHeli
曾經她只求唯有我別討厭她。755Please respect copyright.PENANAGKbTLyW3Ox
755Please respect copyright.PENANApPFpX3a7Px
曾經她即使全世界討厭她也不怕,因為有我在她身邊。755Please respect copyright.PENANAzymjrtnbzR
755Please respect copyright.PENANADEelR8hGI0
…現在即使連我也討厭她,她也只想我安全健康。755Please respect copyright.PENANACKQzDJo9ZW
755Please respect copyright.PENANASFhOJoofJK
你叫我怎樣對你生氣,童桐。755Please respect copyright.PENANALsvBp4TTD1
755Please respect copyright.PENANAV4VdK1glxR
「我…好多謝你,童桐。」我說,的確是她救了我。755Please respect copyright.PENANAvDLBC3gs30
755Please respect copyright.PENANAROOFL2iVHM
「…到你覺得可以講既時候,就同我講。」童桐說,「我地只要互相坦白,然後互相再接受,互相理解對方,一定可以捱過呢一關。」755Please respect copyright.PENANAanU8JtvF07
755Please respect copyright.PENANAdY2kguBYFm
咦?755Please respect copyright.PENANARlqdicht3r
755Please respect copyright.PENANAAaEmDaav6k
腦中如一道清泉流過…我覺得這就是我和童桐最大的差異之處。755Please respect copyright.PENANAQRG8UPw1lR
755Please respect copyright.PENANA7X50MTAkLH
「接受與否」,是我的想法。755Please respect copyright.PENANAupQODdy7Ip
755Please respect copyright.PENANA0i66NROTCX
「如何接受」,是童桐的想法。755Please respect copyright.PENANAtbnGeWWikc
755Please respect copyright.PENANAPul8Tf4hds
那天晚上我和童桐沒有得出任何答案,甚至說沒有任何進展。755Please respect copyright.PENANAoqJSD1eiHG
755Please respect copyright.PENANA4sBLEKe1mL
她甚至沒有提出我希望中的苦衷,使我可以諒解的苦衷,只能得出「性格使然」的絕望答案。755Please respect copyright.PENANAKoHM2CoSDC
755Please respect copyright.PENANAG4Wu4qGA4E
老實說,場面比我想像中平靜,至少我們沒有向對方咆哮或痛哭。755Please respect copyright.PENANAP1GbyXxFg6
755Please respect copyright.PENANA3qGvc2Ojrp
但是…無力感漸漸佔據了空氣,佔據了心底,連情緒該發洩向何處也沒有著力點。755Please respect copyright.PENANACAWMxAOVw2
755Please respect copyright.PENANAIUKec3TK33
我寧願和她痛痛快快吵一架,也不想這樣子…755Please respect copyright.PENANA7TPXFGm3cE
755Please respect copyright.PENANA6tkMMUCLZW
…我真的不想。755Please respect copyright.PENANAy0cigmmLsn
755Please respect copyright.PENANAlnrokzxMom
至於和她坦白的話,我覺得不是時候,所以也沒有說出口。我需要時間去沉澱,去思考,去好好盤算接下來的做法。755Please respect copyright.PENANAzINeQHBBrz
755Please respect copyright.PENANAhJFVFwRHG9
活了在幻象中廿多年的我,被狠狠地摔到現實中。755Please respect copyright.PENANAYeXrtCgtuU
755Please respect copyright.PENANA1qGRWvCgSl
現在我要學習在現實中活下去。755Please respect copyright.PENANApFfrO2NZar
755Please respect copyright.PENANAKtiv5WH1KC
第二天早上,距離核彈發射還有153小時。755Please respect copyright.PENANARwalNUy9zp
755Please respect copyright.PENANAPAjEGroZ0I
童桐的窗簾現在到了早上醒來…也再沒有打開了。755Please respect copyright.PENANAjEe0IUXpMf
755Please respect copyright.PENANAyXPYd9xRZo
那兒,只有一片茫然和我心中懷念。
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【實體書有售】《青梅竹馬真係最難追》
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【實體書有售】《青梅竹馬真係最難追》
Author:
陳立正
ISSUE #65
結局篇III:我們都沒法理解15082022
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