但現實是這樣又如何?1140Please respect copyright.PENANAKDoccPtdIa
1140Please respect copyright.PENANAFQPb9N5TtI
沒法理解,沒法接受。1140Please respect copyright.PENANACIdpknpRNL
1140Please respect copyright.PENANACsr7iZEZzv
童桐變了,已經不再是我小時候認識的那個她。1140Please respect copyright.PENANAqTaJPHQvBO
1140Please respect copyright.PENANAmQ5wO8mAh4
但現實對我來說,過於…難以理解。1140Please respect copyright.PENANAmXWu7UvEY1
1140Please respect copyright.PENANA5j14U2Cv5d
她甚至連一個苦衷也不編,一個謊也不撒。1140Please respect copyright.PENANA9OBKEAglWE
1140Please respect copyright.PENANAoS9dlOLVAk
要該高興嗎,還是要哭?我曾經視她如宗教一樣的存在,現在卻。1140Please respect copyright.PENANAklshPslKto
1140Please respect copyright.PENANAePIVeL8NB5
現在卻。1140Please respect copyright.PENANAfjn1DwbPB9
1140Please respect copyright.PENANAOy3toxGmrA
感覺最近情緒上的衝擊,我已沒法作出正確的反應,腦海被攪成一團糊糨。我掩著臉搖著頭,恍如因射箭而滿是厚繭的雙手,能為我提供一個避風港。1140Please respect copyright.PENANA5CnsX9R5eV
1140Please respect copyright.PENANA4vAFlteaQW
因為我的避風巷已經毀了。1140Please respect copyright.PENANAHUHJFpVVai
1140Please respect copyright.PENANAedcSQ5mVLb
因為我的童年…1140Please respect copyright.PENANAVAcTEOr5PH
1140Please respect copyright.PENANAm5Sdv57DkV
…真真正正的,結束了。1140Please respect copyright.PENANAlM3PtJdXlj
1140Please respect copyright.PENANAKwqx28wnMc
「呀遊,我地都有唔想俾任何人見到既一面…我相信你都有。」童桐說,「但即使係咁…我都會接受,呀遊,因為由所有面向組成既…先係完整既你。」1140Please respect copyright.PENANAXd05ift2hX
1140Please respect copyright.PENANALJLfQTJXbw
甚麼是好人,甚麼是壞人?1140Please respect copyright.PENANAKgOPTOG9tl
1140Please respect copyright.PENANAYplV85wCXB
壞人在自己的故事中,也是一個英雄。1140Please respect copyright.PENANAPhg7irt40p
1140Please respect copyright.PENANALwH1pdibhA
捐錢幫助窮人的慈善家,也有人視之為資本主義中的剝削者。1140Please respect copyright.PENANAvpZeWpioDj
1140Please respect copyright.PENANAp227K6hcJT
不用說到這樣宏大,我媽也不是沒被人說過HR死全家,我爸把釣到的魚放上網和人分享也被動保主義者說血腥屠夫。1140Please respect copyright.PENANARft7rpJadK
1140Please respect copyright.PENANAceKM5c40j8
但對我來說,二人都是父母,是家人。1140Please respect copyright.PENANAk9lj88LtBI
1140Please respect copyright.PENANAVVjZck4ER1
不同人對於不同人來說,可以同時是好人,同時亦是壞人。1140Please respect copyright.PENANAWjlh0ErIzT
1140Please respect copyright.PENANADuwoQVDeqv
…但當距離親近如我和童桐這樣,所有面向便互相嵌鑲成一個完整的存在,並非一個單獨面向。1140Please respect copyright.PENANAuhFhCEtU9m
1140Please respect copyright.PENANAGDun42oQBZ
愛慕她的好。1140Please respect copyright.PENANAQiG5jrfEmh
1140Please respect copyright.PENANAAI3e0jFY4f
便要接受她的壞。1140Please respect copyright.PENANAG8SbX6XN1Y
1140Please respect copyright.PENANAGykrX0yddA
我竟然天真的曾經以為童桐只有好的那一面,如甚麼完美的聖女。1140Please respect copyright.PENANA3ozNcLNx74
1140Please respect copyright.PENANAARUNEI12HF
現在殘酷而赤裸裸的事實放在眼前,至於接受與否便是我們的課題了。1140Please respect copyright.PENANAQQRHJhG3Ot
1140Please respect copyright.PENANAsApxJBcKhI
即使我和童桐身上都穿著衣服,但卻比起過往十多年來任何時候還要更加赤裸,更加坦誠相見。1140Please respect copyright.PENANAG4ylbf6ua5
1140Please respect copyright.PENANAqsCB0TDcdc
「你肯定?」我冷冷地說。1140Please respect copyright.PENANAkbb6ZBoG1d
1140Please respect copyright.PENANA6FdcZ09a6l
她還不知道我幹了甚麼。1140Please respect copyright.PENANACPz4y3Vs5a
1140Please respect copyright.PENANAbpTkC5TZnx
她還不知道我曾經打算幹甚麼。1140Please respect copyright.PENANAWa0AfiBuw6
1140Please respect copyright.PENANAhp5SXNrMB7
「…嗯。」她說,「我,我又有咩資格話你?無論你做過咩都好…」1140Please respect copyright.PENANA21977KBngh
1140Please respect copyright.PENANAP1rBdUjCyM
童桐雙眼發光,好像在淹水中捉到了救生圈一樣。1140Please respect copyright.PENANAMoX2uXIGYV
1140Please respect copyright.PENANAsjALhKwZPe
「所以你覺得如果我都有一個黑暗面,一個黑化版既呀遊,我就同你一樣自私,同你一樣有唔見得光既一面,所以我地就平起平座,我就應該接受你,然後可以如以前一樣?」1140Please respect copyright.PENANA8mRiCRMsDY
1140Please respect copyright.PENANAiPW4RES6eU
「…唔係咁…」卻被我看穿了。1140Please respect copyright.PENANAkRn5h3LUJ1
1140Please respect copyright.PENANAXxuDnIM6vL
「定係我咁講正合你意,咁樣你內心會舒服D,因為自甘墜落既人唔止你一個?」1140Please respect copyright.PENANAY7XpcCOQEh
1140Please respect copyright.PENANACFl1TjhJ5S
「唔係咁,唔係咁唔係咁,呀遊,唔好咁講,求下你…」童桐哭著說。1140Please respect copyright.PENANA9YaHE2eXHh
1140Please respect copyright.PENANAHTY0wC7wNI
「…童桐,我地永遠都唔可能好似以前一樣。」1140Please respect copyright.PENANAQmqyP8HX5f
1140Please respect copyright.PENANAzfAEwi7vDQ
然後,我推開了她。1140Please respect copyright.PENANA49AHs5Y4ox
1140Please respect copyright.PENANAeznkf0CTtx
史無前例地,我推開了正準近我,打算向我撒嬌的童桐。1140Please respect copyright.PENANAEnN99kCw8S
1140Please respect copyright.PENANAijD94EFDcB
「……」她露出寂寞的眼神。1140Please respect copyright.PENANAlcSPUc63dv
1140Please respect copyright.PENANABAMb1Efble
「你講得岩,我都有另一面,我都有做過D唔想俾你知既事。」我低頭說,「但…我好亂,我唔知,我唔知點樣面對你,同你一樣。」1140Please respect copyright.PENANAXGXfMg8Om2
1140Please respect copyright.PENANAzKRtchONTf
「邊個會無?我鐘意你,即使你有咩秘密都好我都一定會…」童桐說。1140Please respect copyright.PENANAKEwL3WXjFa
1140Please respect copyright.PENANA4udWetRih4
「我係你就唔會咁講。」我苦笑。1140Please respect copyright.PENANAX40G33xNSA
1140Please respect copyright.PENANAqXNzHYyYSU
「係…?」1140Please respect copyright.PENANA1XgE8LdVCv
1140Please respect copyright.PENANAPI42nNV8mD
「我個時都咁講過,我話無論你做過咩,有咩秘密我都會接受到…然後我個心就碎左。」我輕撫自己的胸口。1140Please respect copyright.PENANADzC4SgkDg4
1140Please respect copyright.PENANAaoWACkpIdi
愈是鐘愛於幻象,現實就更加殘酷。1140Please respect copyright.PENANA4HtQU8HO4W
1140Please respect copyright.PENANA8l45Y6RX6P
夢中愈是甘甜,現實便愈見苦澀。1140Please respect copyright.PENANA0BAYUpJgGW
1140Please respect copyright.PENANAV8ievD2T6K
「我唔信,呀遊你唔同我,你係個好人…」1140Please respect copyright.PENANAOKlvZhlocJ
1140Please respect copyright.PENANApfFwSdFQk4
「我先唔係。」1140Please respect copyright.PENANAlZUm5UPZXb
1140Please respect copyright.PENANAXERHmZ9y85
我早就不是甚麼好人。1140Please respect copyright.PENANAck4HvY5x29
1140Please respect copyright.PENANA4eNbX846rF
從明明連人家名字還沒記住便去追求人家,胡亂表白開始,到之後的事。1140Please respect copyright.PENANAoiVjbAvLMH
1140Please respect copyright.PENANA0FRCf7lifz
我才不是「除了射箭甚麼也不會」的人。1140Please respect copyright.PENANAzZHCtO1tkR
1140Please respect copyright.PENANA60sfZwChxD
「咁你講出黎。」她說,「我寧願你親口講,都唔想某日自己發現。」1140Please respect copyright.PENANAaitTa2lgSi
1140Please respect copyright.PENANAjycJYGzJG2
「……」1140Please respect copyright.PENANAWp6Dx6e1vq
1140Please respect copyright.PENANASJA65drqOc
是我害得植嵐晨自殺。1140Please respect copyright.PENANAhfjsaGW2wR
1140Please respect copyright.PENANAcPFp3Tp4Ac
那天我差點按下了清理瀏覽記錄而間接害死他。1140Please respect copyright.PENANA9trYVEyHBc
1140Please respect copyright.PENANAu37S5WResD
為了勝利我打算吃禁藥。1140Please respect copyright.PENANA0w4DcbJy5h
1140Please respect copyright.PENANA32DETe2XJG
我和妍妍有了肉體關係,但沒打算負責任。1140Please respect copyright.PENANAbFMwcNz2fX
1140Please respect copyright.PENANAO0MPdF5QiM
當天第一次妍妍出現在水上樂園是,其實是PTGF。1140Please respect copyright.PENANAzsRQZ385Dp
1140Please respect copyright.PENANAD58dSSSzQm
中學時那連串的表白行為,其中一些我可是明知有男朋友也照去馬。1140Please respect copyright.PENANA5yAWz0C7sj
1140Please respect copyright.PENANAkywhrTObOh
……那年我打算過自殺,甚至已經完成了氦氣袋的試作型。1140Please respect copyright.PENANAMYTu6xwsVC
1140Please respect copyright.PENANA9lLA8YO7v3
「呀遊,我地大家今晚都互相坦白喇…然後睇下點樣互相接受到對方,好唔好?我唔想無左你呢個青梅竹馬,無論做唔做到情侶都好。」童桐說。1140Please respect copyright.PENANASrtp4jmqz5
1140Please respect copyright.PENANAdW1BIXQbRQ
「我諗…今晚我地都攰。」我說,「我求其煮個公仔麵就返過去。」1140Please respect copyright.PENANAVvzwwDkPhe
1140Please respect copyright.PENANAqmsrbqPx8y
「呀遊…」1140Please respect copyright.PENANAf8a0Fl5hOJ
1140Please respect copyright.PENANAmx8LT71f8F
「我會講。」我說,「只係…唔係今晚,我要,童桐,對唔住,我…做唔到…我好攰,我好撚亂呀,你明唔明呀。」1140Please respect copyright.PENANA0IVyJ9RyMk
1140Please respect copyright.PENANA1P89aMIN54
我試圖以過去的眼光看待她。1140Please respect copyright.PENANA7Sh3Ag1XsY
1140Please respect copyright.PENANAoBov6lJEfy
做不到。1140Please respect copyright.PENANAFqSNVWvBJL
1140Please respect copyright.PENANA4ojNILsABF
我試圖向她坦白自己做過的一切。1140Please respect copyright.PENANAA9AJB3k4uS
1140Please respect copyright.PENANAALwDcUg7ut
做不到。1140Please respect copyright.PENANABtn5xP087Z
1140Please respect copyright.PENANAORAC8n0KuS
既然我知道了她的真面目後這樣激動,這樣看待她,反過來…其實也一樣吧。1140Please respect copyright.PENANAVMScjcuuWh
1140Please respect copyright.PENANAH0hpKq6G7e
只是現在是我在暗,她在明,她才這樣向我告解一樣。1140Please respect copyright.PENANAUEIl8cLge6
1140Please respect copyright.PENANAAHUfDMlk1T
下午離開Beta那兒之前,他幫我設定了一個倒數計時,現在距離核彈爆炸只剩下167小時。1140Please respect copyright.PENANAY52yOgaUcT
1140Please respect copyright.PENANAkLQXYS08Rv
我沒有高童桐一等,更別說是道德高地。1140Please respect copyright.PENANATLauCDkURk
1140Please respect copyright.PENANAgwjAJYNTif
所以我也沒法狠狠罵她一頓,然後說要帶她回正途,連這樣子我也做不到,這才是現在一切膠著,一切如陷五里霧中的原因。1140Please respect copyright.PENANAYzVrS28d59
1140Please respect copyright.PENANAo28Jg3Iq0P
既,沒法坦白。1140Please respect copyright.PENANAwNC1dDtPAH
1140Please respect copyright.PENANAnFQ33yP6GG
又,沒法斥責。1140Please respect copyright.PENANAU5HopS8x3F
1140Please respect copyright.PENANAsbItQfauCY
既,沒法接受。1140Please respect copyright.PENANAqjpW8xPsp1
1140Please respect copyright.PENANAoWAYwcieYK
也,沒法忘記。1140Please respect copyright.PENANAR8nyZvsQGG
1140Please respect copyright.PENANACvKTgW0U35
而且…也沒法理解。1140Please respect copyright.PENANA9TqLlZ8DTN
1140Please respect copyright.PENANATYbhzOvASc
明明妍妍叫我不用在意她,去處理和童桐之間的事,結果卻變成了這樣子。1140Please respect copyright.PENANA3icb79HW8W
1140Please respect copyright.PENANA6xZ8R9q0CL
反倒有點對不起她了呢,我這爛人。1140Please respect copyright.PENANA6J4iKscZsY
1140Please respect copyright.PENANAxr6qcSHT0y
我轉身胡亂地擦去眼淚,以免自己在童桐面前出醜。但這時背上傳來陣陣的溫暖,陣陣的柔軟,童桐從後抱住我,把頭靠到我背脊上,用耳朵貼住我的肌肉聆聽著我的心跳。1140Please respect copyright.PENANARzkHICVSnP
1140Please respect copyright.PENANAa98iqMpO0R
「只要你係我身邊,你要嬲我幾耐都無所謂。」1140Please respect copyright.PENANA80GGhp5oC3
1140Please respect copyright.PENANAJnaLZQedtd
「……」1140Please respect copyright.PENANA9ZWc2rrCSY
1140Please respect copyright.PENANAYgE8pBWNw3
「因為我地都應承過大家,嬲幾耐都好,最後都會搵返對方,唔準絕交,唔準永遠唔彩對方落去架嘛。」1140Please respect copyright.PENANAhs1zHhrd4E
1140Please respect copyright.PENANAW0o5xPxzTT
她能聽到我的脈動,反之亦然。1140Please respect copyright.PENANAcF0o8Ztrj8
1140Please respect copyright.PENANAz72p29SEKD
我雖然沒法直接聽到,但我感受著童桐的每一下呼吸,每一下心跳,胸膛的每一起伏。1140Please respect copyright.PENANA91VWEuzov4
1140Please respect copyright.PENANAgsIa4wkshh
「只要你無事就好,我個晚真係好驚。」童桐說。1140Please respect copyright.PENANAUHtRqn1Hx9
1140Please respect copyright.PENANAHJ1vi9lolQ
「嗯,我都睇到係你救左我。」1140Please respect copyright.PENANAlUSNKArNU9
1140Please respect copyright.PENANAFavsMKmvEv
「但即係係咁…即使你會討厭我,即使你個下已經知道左我係Dora,我唔知點面對你…我都唔想你有事。」1140Please respect copyright.PENANAyU8SUAf7Y1
1140Please respect copyright.PENANAXKPtqpSIw2
曾經她只求唯有我別討厭她。1140Please respect copyright.PENANAlMGEsTPNlm
1140Please respect copyright.PENANAg29jJ7aRzl
曾經她即使全世界討厭她也不怕,因為有我在她身邊。1140Please respect copyright.PENANAnk3tguXprd
1140Please respect copyright.PENANAyHQHVsj7Mh
…現在即使連我也討厭她,她也只想我安全健康。1140Please respect copyright.PENANAOU7IPfmj4f
1140Please respect copyright.PENANAhJTDF1NqhW
你叫我怎樣對你生氣,童桐。1140Please respect copyright.PENANAziX1rkNJt3
1140Please respect copyright.PENANADXKVQpDT8S
「我…好多謝你,童桐。」我說,的確是她救了我。1140Please respect copyright.PENANAPVMP3eFUc1
1140Please respect copyright.PENANA2UTNVqcnqV
「…到你覺得可以講既時候,就同我講。」童桐說,「我地只要互相坦白,然後互相再接受,互相理解對方,一定可以捱過呢一關。」1140Please respect copyright.PENANAFanShkbiP3
1140Please respect copyright.PENANAKI6iEZ7jz9
咦?1140Please respect copyright.PENANApBmpAED4RU
1140Please respect copyright.PENANAzJnqzcWALh
腦中如一道清泉流過…我覺得這就是我和童桐最大的差異之處。1140Please respect copyright.PENANAwfwqsBTZuT
1140Please respect copyright.PENANAZFY1dRZSlL
「接受與否」,是我的想法。1140Please respect copyright.PENANAqG2reGDTV0
1140Please respect copyright.PENANA29b7zpCHuA
「如何接受」,是童桐的想法。1140Please respect copyright.PENANAKnCHMGs379
1140Please respect copyright.PENANAVOCC5q3weG
那天晚上我和童桐沒有得出任何答案,甚至說沒有任何進展。1140Please respect copyright.PENANAIMZciBSzXy
1140Please respect copyright.PENANA6h99UAtGFy
她甚至沒有提出我希望中的苦衷,使我可以諒解的苦衷,只能得出「性格使然」的絕望答案。1140Please respect copyright.PENANA9jzqnZgiif
1140Please respect copyright.PENANA1wLpqwTtAR
老實說,場面比我想像中平靜,至少我們沒有向對方咆哮或痛哭。1140Please respect copyright.PENANAkPMEaXVuwo
1140Please respect copyright.PENANAvFJIv4rzbE
但是…無力感漸漸佔據了空氣,佔據了心底,連情緒該發洩向何處也沒有著力點。1140Please respect copyright.PENANAzV9jf9C8mz
1140Please respect copyright.PENANA0YOSKefJM8
我寧願和她痛痛快快吵一架,也不想這樣子…1140Please respect copyright.PENANAReUOeX3Lhe
1140Please respect copyright.PENANAb1ZZ6UTuiJ
…我真的不想。1140Please respect copyright.PENANArKVZpwmdfc
1140Please respect copyright.PENANASSucIMqCoC
至於和她坦白的話,我覺得不是時候,所以也沒有說出口。我需要時間去沉澱,去思考,去好好盤算接下來的做法。1140Please respect copyright.PENANASBs1oVRal0
1140Please respect copyright.PENANAG8XssAkrMy
活了在幻象中廿多年的我,被狠狠地摔到現實中。1140Please respect copyright.PENANAU244mbgnhO
1140Please respect copyright.PENANAvycKlB8SEV
現在我要學習在現實中活下去。1140Please respect copyright.PENANAqdqVW0W1Rj
1140Please respect copyright.PENANA2pq9hjThg7
第二天早上,距離核彈發射還有153小時。1140Please respect copyright.PENANAsbin9bVAQf
1140Please respect copyright.PENANA0LMIxQqMhA
童桐的窗簾現在到了早上醒來…也再沒有打開了。1140Please respect copyright.PENANAulN5rSimMn
1140Please respect copyright.PENANASUtacZ89RP
那兒,只有一片茫然和我心中懷念。
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【實體書有售】《青梅竹馬真係最難追》
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【實體書有售】《青梅竹馬真係最難追》
作者:
陳立正

篇 #65
結局篇III:我們都沒法理解15082022
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