Wednesday, afternoon. After class.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9tfoy8p4Zz
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Unfamiliar…61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoPla4XuowT
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I was walking on a street that was unfamiliar to me. Glancing at the unfamiliar faces who walked past me. Looking at the unfamiliar houses as I passed by them. Shuffling my feet over the unfamiliar concrete towards an unfamiliar destination I didn’t want to reach but had to.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYAruFgNa2A
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Going to meet an unfamiliar boy who made an unfamiliar request.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXiFawRdhli
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… and an unknown condition.
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What am I doing? I thought for the last time. I hoped it was the last time.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7EvCgMIDtH
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Why did I come here? I tilted my face up toward the sky, hoping that from all that blue there was something in it that would tell me the answer. There was none. There were only the clouds drifting slowly, like they were matching how I moved my feet.
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But underneath those questions, there was a quiet persistence that would talk to me.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW4OZX2MgEZ
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There is hope. All I have to do is hear what he has to say. Then I go home.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQODrHaGr1u
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Were they convincing? Enough... probably.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpMxXuSIlDf
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I sighed and kept moving.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWgBCu2myMn
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I recalled what happened this morning. It was difficult. A different type of difficult.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWAdoh10rcp
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I’d sat in my seat before first period and looked around at everyone. I tried to find the expressions I was wearing on the faces of my friends.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5mFgEOpvUo
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Hina was at her desk, clean and composed like she always was. Her eyes gazed towards the windows. Whatever she was thinking, it was only for her alone. And I never wondered what it was until that time.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE00VsZO36n
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A few seconds later, I found Yui standing in front of Mika’s desk. Her expression cycled through different emotions during their conversation. She was probably talking about stories she had heard a few days ago. And Mika was more animated than yesterday. Reacting to Yui’s story the way she was supposed to. But I knew she was only trying. I knew yesterday hadn’t left her. I could see it in the moments between her reactions, a few fractions of a second where she would lose control.
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My eyes started to move without me noticing. Toward the windows. Toward the back.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKDFSV4Wydd
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And there he was. Completely unbothered. Absorbed by his book, entirely isolated from the noises the classroom had contained before homeroom. I didn’t even know if he noticed the empty space around him. Nobody talked to him. Nobody paid attention to him.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoCm0zGD542
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Except me, right at that moment.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZGBE1aJbSy
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I looked away before anyone caught me. I sighed.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmTzT24Kucw
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Everyone seemed to have moved on from what happened yesterday afternoon. In this same classroom, in that heavy atmosphere. Or maybe they were doing a better job pretending they were.
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...Better than me, at least.
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Since...
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I was the one who had to walk to a near-stranger’s apartment after school. I was the one who had to prepare to hear a condition that no one knew yet. And I was the one who had to steady my face, to hide everything that I was thinking... So that my friends wouldn’t worry.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVrlSUSBnGD
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I tried to keep it up all day. And I was very tired.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOuKQdatvg5
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A few times during the walk, I stopped. I turned halfway back, contemplated for a few seconds, wondered what I had been asking myself since I arrived at the station. But I always turned forward... Turned forward and kept walking.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqi0se2rCdy
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He’s a person, I thought. I needed it. I needed to remind myself what I had rehearsed ever since I woke up this morning. He’s a human being. He’s a student, not a criminal. He looked intimidating. But when we talked to him, he was never violent... 61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzEb3DUnVUS
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Then...61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlr5T6o6k93
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Also, why was he unusually slow? It was very nerve wracking watching him move from one place to another while the room sat in such a tense mood. And he profiled my friends one by one, like he knew everything about them and where they rank in school, he probably knew the scores they even got, and he was right but…61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8JJmnnhTuv
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I paused.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSu2mOlNJkR
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Well... That was actually a bit creepy. Who even does that?61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7ov4h9Oas4
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My thoughts suddenly went in another direction…61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡogCoepGC5B
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What about his condition?61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm8YiwPPNxe
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I shook my head. I needed to. Positive thoughts. Positive thoughts only.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKJ4imOwDNX
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Instead, my mind tried to embrace quiet.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTs2okQacYA
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDUCxUlENMP
…61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgkGVbP0rQy
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiD8Xs7My4l
…61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN8QtqA3EP2
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsL0udCCRke
… condition.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUveCWyuLdO
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I gave up.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0qeyePy6ws
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The sight of the apartment he wanted me to go to finally came into view. A few more minutes of walking and I found myself standing below it. I looked up. Ten floors. It looked expensive. But maybe not. It was quite fancy, though. A little bit, but enough that it made the houses around it look small and a little embarrassed by comparison. It had solid walls, gray. They were so thick that I imagined if I went inside and screamed, nobody from the outside would hear it.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2z8Fx1zcDm
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… That last thought wasn’t necessary.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBVVrQyZ1DJ
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I walked to the front entrance.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvBUnR1M6Qy
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The door was glass, sturdy and clear, and beyond it I could see a second door of the same material. I stepped forward, the outer door opened automatically, and I went inside.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXa8HEBpRVk
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I stood there for a second.
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This didn’t look the same as Hina’s apartment. I mean, I had known it since I saw the building from the outside. But I wasn’t sure how to proceed.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBmQYkqaYoP
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Wait… dramas…61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHEaLpTdBaC
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If I remembered correctly. There was supposed to be an intercom panel around here somewhere. And it was probably that one, left side beside the door.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrdTDimC9GD
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I opened the note he gave me and approached the panel. I wasn’t sure at first since there were two panels in front of me. One seemed to look like where key cards go through. Maybe this one with a keypad.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJbGD3kaN0d
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“Room number 502,” I said while I typed the numbers on it.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsxSPc2Hr03
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I stared at the panel while I waited.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRaYAoPyHFF
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“Who?” A voice came through the speaker, flat and immediate.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1gi9r6AsrD
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“I-It’s me, Miyase Runa. I came here to talk about…”
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“Proceed.”61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjBA1EUisrX
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The inner door opened before I finished what I wanted to say.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRSmJsgiUfn
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Right. Of course.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTn7HHYeSG4
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I walked inside. There was a reception desk but no one was behind it.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTHYHlMcJIv
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He’s a person. He’s a human being. He’s just a student.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHAYvowNlMp
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I told myself repeatedly all the way to the elevator. I told myself repeatedly while the elevator moved. By the time the doors opened on the fifth floor. I had told myself it enough times that it had stopped sounding like words and started sounding like a sound I was making with my mouth.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsHw27UfSnM
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I reached one of the apartment doors then checked the note he gave me one last time.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDzuLkBEgqT
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Fifth floor. Room 502.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpE6Yo1ZaLZ
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I took a breath.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwdjAvqT8Z2
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Took another one.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfzKKHJPCI1
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And knocked twice.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmGa0rymPSo
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A few seconds later. The door opened.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ3iwawMIWe
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I gripped my bag.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPomStjjjEb
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I looked at him.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuNnNvMssah
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“You could’ve used the doorbell,” he said.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9OiMyFXAJb
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Hmm?
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I looked to the left of the door frame.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpso1006tKH
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There it was. Right there. A doorbell, where doorbells had always been, in the place that doorbells had always existed, on every door I had ever encountered in my entire life.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0E3n10S6gg
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My face went warm. I tried to hide it.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKelTmcCQti
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“I… didn’t see it,” I said, because it was the only sentence I could locate in my head at that moment. It didn’t sound convincing, in fact, it didn’t convince me at all. Because there was no way I could have missed it. Maybe because I had not thought anything about doorbells for the past day. Maybe because I had been thinking more about what happened yesterday and what was going to happen today. And now I was standing here having knocked on a door like someone who had never encountered doors with a doorbell before.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjjosOtBbn8
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He’s definitely reconsidering everything.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGljPu89PYW
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“Come in,” he said, after looking at me for a moment that felt longer than it was.
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I took off my shoes and arranged them neatly by the entrance.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡarcobgOxhT
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“Excuse me for intruding,” I said, bowing slightly.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGtTDfb4xzF
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I stepped inside.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUrBjDykEoR
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He led me to the living room.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRZmdBCtrdm
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I stopped just inside the doorway and looked around without meaning to.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCw0zrImebJ
It was clean. It wasn’t empty but felt like it was since there were no unnecessary decorations inside. There were two sofas, one smaller facing the flat screen TV in the corner, and one longer that faced the door of the living room, perpendicular to the smaller one. And in the center was just a carpet. There were no tables, no cabinets, no photographs on the walls. Nothing else.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa156vXS8fg
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To the right was the kitchen connected to the living room with no walls between them. And just as much as the living room, I only saw what seemed to be the necessary utensils that he needed. Or so I assumed.
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It kinda fits him, actually.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWls6UuWVig
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I thought about it for a second.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbzfjdZyJ7a
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“Sit anywhere you like,” he said.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Hr9nzNYpa
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I considered the longer sofa and the smaller sofa for a second. I started walking towards the longer sofa, I sat at the other end near the smaller sofa, which put the most distance between me and the other end of the room. As I settled in I noticed a book sitting on the opposite end of where I sat. I leaned slightly, curious to what it was.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBXmT5gujI2
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English. The cover was entirely in English.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY18Bg293Gi
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“Do you want water?”61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjVgunznSsU
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I straightened up. His voice came from the kitchen and it caught me off guard since I felt like I was intruding someone’s private life when I leaned towards the book. His voice is always serious, it wasn’t cold but it was different, like the strict kind of different, or maybe leaned more towards indifference? I didn’t know, I was just startled. I wondered if he was aware of how he sounded to others? Probably not.
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“There’s soda in the fridge too. Which one?”61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8V3Gnj4TeC
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“Soda please,” I answered before I finished deciding. I meant to say water. I didn’t know why I said soda.
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He came back a few minutes later with a glass of soda with little ice cubes. He handed it to me.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0AOSTKzbNQ
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“Thank you.”61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlaNhQZBAso
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He went back to the kitchen. I watched him go, wondering what he had planned to do. I noticed he was going towards a small wooden table at the corner of the kitchen before he started carrying it. Then walked back to the living room and carefully set it down over the carpet between the two sofas.
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It was a low kind of table, made for sitting on the floor to write.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaZndDWpiRJ
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“You can put your drink here.”61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQylUrhHE3P
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“Thank you.”61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGhGlEVG2CG
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He walked around the table he just placed. He ended up in the other end of the longer sofa, picked up the book that was there, and sat down.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3e79ThGA68
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And opened it.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaGzqJHcKvY
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And started reading…61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3WnCFqBzYo
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Started reading…61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ84HZcXBqj7
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I tried to confirm what just happened. I came all the way here. Ten minutes of train ride, fifteen minutes walking from the station to this apartment, I had failed to locate a doorbell that had been directly beside the door, and now this. I thought we were going to start talking about what he told me yesterday. Instead, he started reading.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9MQkarRyBf
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“Um.” I tried.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR58NbljuDc
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He turned a page.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP4ukHai5vr
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“About what we discussed yesterday…”61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFLKqd4a3aX
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Nothing.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKC7jKs2A0E
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“…Never mind.” I let out a laugh. It sounded awkward. I immediately regretted the laugh.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7wPxvLkoVU
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I looked at the soda. The ice was already starting to melt at the edges. I took a sip. Looked up at the ceiling for reasons I couldn’t explain. There was nothing interesting about the ceiling. It was a ceiling.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSiHPZwEiTQ
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I decided to search inside my bag instead. The only things that I found were textbooks, notebooks and my test papers that put me in this situation. I cursed at them. In spirit.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1CWNxVTvM0
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My phone buzzed inside my pocket. I opened it. There were notifications that Mika and Yui had messaged me privately. Once from Mika, five times from Yui. There was also a flood of notifications that came from our group chat. It didn’t say who made those fifteen notifications, but I am totally sure it was Yui.
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I didn’t have the mood to reply yet. So I opened an app, found a video, maybe just watch for a little bit. Made myself look busy just like him.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSif14mjWRA
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Ten minutes passed.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDP6gMBZA4l
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I put down my phone.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgtLR1IeXea
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“Hello?” I looked at him directly this time.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdsPOsJlkej
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Everything that I was thinking before coming here and everything I heard about him both were gone in that moment. I didn’t come here to sit in silence and watch videos.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLyg0Eng9Ce
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If he still didn’t answer me this time, I was leaving.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡULOjpMetvW
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My eyebrows pulled together.
He slowly looked up.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYxKAtoNJjA
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGBKOa8SKGA
“Are you done with your drink?” he asked.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGujeAchLhR
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5waVBkH3JM
My eye twitched.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ00UMYCXmQS
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I wasn’t DONE with my drink, thank you. I was DONE waiting here for nothing. If you still make me wait for one second more and waste all that effort and all those worries I had been carrying on my way here, THEN I AM LEAVING.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz25iWQa8X5
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I thought… they came out good in my thoughts…61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMbHtnuybMd
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzxX1x7ILd9
I sighed for a bit, tried to compose myself. Okay now he is paying attention to me.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoC2r4wrQmn
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFBLlapbPAm
“Yes,” I replied. My voice still had an edge to it that I didn’t bother smoothing out. “Thank you.”61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ9R70ftf1q
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNOXe6nxwQM
“Follow me.”61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNZyFR1beNL
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnEIHGAsDx8
He stood up.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwvOkTo4cCo
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I took a breath. Smoothed my expression back into something neutral. It took a moment. Afterwards, I stood up and followed.
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYZy9ubrFML
He led me back out to the hallway. Two doors on the right from the living room. We passed the first one and stopped at the second, closer to the main entrance. He opened it.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD3619nhdJd
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwITl2iO0lj
I looked inside.
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaHXVAIsrIU
The room was the complete opposite of the living room.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMFM7YWpYzx
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwmtYHWPCqz
An electric piano against one wall, a guitar on a stand, and something that looked like a smaller, plastic version of the piano with little buttons and dials I didn’t recognize, plugged into a computer setup near the window.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu2woU7S7oG
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUoPQ65dGXF
One computer, but with three monitors lined up side by side, all three still on.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAkxRbgI6cG
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKns0PCJfAA
The middle one had lines of text. They were small, colorful, structured in a way that reminded me of what the programmer characters in dramas were working on when emphasized. Except this looked real. Less glamorous. Just a wall of text that I didn’t know what it meant.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfUb3FoRu5m
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ29zc06KHou
The screen on the left had a bunch of horizontal bars in different colors, all squiggly and uneven, kind of like one of those heart monitor lines from medical dramas but way more of them, stacked on top of each other, with little boxes and tiny switches everywhere.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiYfxvvZBzd
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC5I08t5KfY
And the one on the right. Drawing? Just the outline of someone’s head, unfinished, floating in the middle of a mostly empty white background. No face yet. Just the shape.
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYRNVPCvrNd
My eyes moved away from the screens, taking in the rest of the room.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5he44qW3kk
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeAtnrTdmFF
A drawing tablet. Papers stacked on a separate table, some of them weighted down with pencils, some of them half-finished with marks I couldn’t fully read from here. Notebooks. Drawing pads. Crumpled paper on the floor near the waste bin. Probably were thrown but didn’t quite make it. A lot of them were not even close to the waste bin. Rulers, erasers, pencils that had been used and not put back.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnSWA7b4qyv
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkqKFTrf1mG
It was a mess. It was surprisingly chaotic and messy.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmodWNPlcx5
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtLNmeqodvY
I thought the living room fit him well because of how he moves and how he talks. Both with a certain precision.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWUFFWsg93k
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1P25H57Zdi
But this…61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0GLlIS9gO8
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSO2wlKIalB
This explains the dark below his eyes.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEtLOHvbFkX
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCjn99xXYJQ
This explains the messy hair.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ69zNlUh54K
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM1BwHeSp0k
And I could totally picture him in here. Staying up late, scratching his head leaving his hair a mess. This room gave me everything the living room didn’t. I could guess exactly where he spent his time, what he put his hours into, what he cared about. Without him saying a single word about it.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzX5ZDBz3CE
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡok6VUHcRF9
I forgot to breathe. So I did.
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRGcH3Vu2qv
“Are you…” I searched for the right question. “A musician?”61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxUxRd3evjy
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTsxdAs6ieR
“No,” he said. “I just bought those, I’m still learning.”61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsrFEV4AFH3
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeLO63NLZl7
“All of them? The piano, the guitar, and…” I gestured vaguely at the plastic thing with the buttons.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtH689oPnKl
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgzrgzar91J
“That’s a MIDI keyboard. I am currently trying to make music for my game.”61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAm9bG2rNG5
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtbEPVKrSkc
“What about the drawings?”61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSyoAVCWo35
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa8UNQMQYa3
“Also learning.”61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ2BzDhWrkz
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe64bsfkACI
“Are you making a manga?”61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQf9IhqDxBZ
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAmnvx89rdO
“No. Just drawing for my game.”61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF0FYF91W2e
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkhq6TgPFNj
“And the computer? The colored texts?”61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVPeFCQy9Sj
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ31b3NyXNcy
“Those are programs.”61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK4wDWtpWgm
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡitVlFQ1IPZ
“For making a game?”61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAjJLrIisGo
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8kQj6pdXnP
“Yes.”61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoi7Xe5w1Gc
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4NpbfVoL3J
“Isn’t that… aren’t you amazing?”61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfECTRcIU5m
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLYm3tDulM3
“Not really. I know how to code now. I still don’t know how to draw or make music.”61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFYaslUTBpL
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW6ZwTiAD2Y
But isn’t he still amazing?61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwtHtgnDvOA
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoLU2KSmtrb
I looked at the three screens again. And that reinforced my thought. The lines of text, the squiggly bars, the half-finished head all just sat there. All equally impressed me.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhvxepDit4Y
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbxghYN6E1Q
I opened my mouth but I didn’t know what I could say. The questions just ran in my head and they kept overlapping each other. And on top of that, some part of me felt like I was already prying just by standing here looking at all of it.
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“How are you finding time to learn all of this?” I asked finally.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTBjnkVWR7A
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“I have a schedule.”61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiw6LN810UV
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Of course. But still…61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPHDfZkHbsk
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“Since when did you start?”61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8O3wPucaxx
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2BWAHRaFmX
“I started learning how to program since I was ten. Started making a game when I was thirteen. Started learning guitar when I was fourteen. Started learning how to draw last year. Started learning…”61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwhHHzcid4t
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJCAsUVBE9K
“Wait, okay I get it.” If I hadn’t stopped him there, I had a feeling he would list everything. And I had a feeling there was more than what I was seeing today. “So did you finish making a game?”61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsO7JDs5tAO
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTEdJfYz8sI
“I posted one online last year. Free. It was the one I’d been building since I started.”61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2boWEZ3mF4
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCB5X0rJNe3
“How did it go?”61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc4x9vesAt0
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“Around two thousand downloads, last time I checked.”61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL5ljSDna9N
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoq1jAW7w7S
Two thousand? Downloads? That many!?61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ27CMeqQrwz
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡINBPtoYpPD
I couldn’t even get a hundred views for that one dance video Yui and me posted when we were still in middle school. Isn’t two thousand like really good?61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWKIjkjGIsv
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMODUTXbW6P
“But that’s beside the point,” he said when I was about to say my thoughts. “Let’s go back to the living room. Let’s talk there.”61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOOlB6gizE4
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFWDIC4rG2c
As soon as he said that, reality snapped me back to the reason why I was here.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5M4bbRkp2t
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEtnEv4RjDr
He closed the door then started leading me back to the living room.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxT1FIVy5lb
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWnWOEaKUbg
My eyes couldn’t resist glancing for that room one last time.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeSxWJLkOJh
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWWi11MEoD4
I could never do that. I thought. And I meant it entirely without self-pity. It was the scale of it. This kind of sustained, quiet, solitary commitment to something was not something I had ever managed. Maybe that was part of why I was here.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡItRFYshDF6
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvAsiZBlslp
We entered the living room and I sat down where I’d been before. He took his end of the sofa. And for some reason, the room felt smaller. It wasn’t uncomfortable, it was just different. Like I was seeing it properly now instead of through a filter of nerves.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdEMdthl6eU
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfiovuqqEhW
“So,” I said. I knew what we were going to talk about now. I felt ready. “What is it?”61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIWvIoeYa9Q
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKe5xy5KvfS
“If I do this,” he started, “I’ll have to set aside all of that.”61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc3bRxbM6UD
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOpEWmQSTzA
My eyes widened a little. I didn’t consider that.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyIIvMiC1t9
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0tqJlp8yBU
“My part-time job. I’ll have to quit it.”61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqoNN2lRvh7
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFQhIPUjLpa
He has one? I had no idea.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSeENfyjdh3
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8t5P9KAQ9u
“All the time I would spend learning to draw, learning to play music and making games. All of them will get reduced. As well as the time I have for my own studying.”61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpX4MFRhb5n
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ9mOUInyNC
I wanted to cover my face with both my hands. I felt confident opening the conversation as soon as we got back to the living room. Now, I was feeling the weight of all the things that he was saying. The heavy sacrifices that he was willing to make for my sake. And everything felt like pressure sat on my back.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVstxBWgUYX
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8WGbauLOqf
“You don’t have to do that,” I said.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR3TSNwCXWY
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsRRunkTZxn
“I do.” No hesitation. “If I’m going to tutor you, I’m not doing it with half an effort. When I set a goal I intend to reach it.”61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZKoCg8nYhz
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLsXcSHs1rL
“But...” I, on the other hand, hesitated. “But if you stop now…” I didn’t know what to say. But somehow he knew what to answer.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrgY1P1t8mE
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡngCA0CkGDc
“I am not stopping. I can go back to learning once we’re done.”61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3rQcMn6gPq
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4cc5s1ulrp
Why?61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyE4zTdPwc3
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFUdOlUb7A1
“Why would you do all that for someone you don’t even know?”61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO6buDpCIEg
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDxBFcfOPVv
He paused for a moment and stared at me. As if he was trying to figure out how to answer what I asked.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ59NGoVZj72
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaxBpQqz9wa
“Because you need help,” he finally said.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx7mlJnusx1
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEzLYEt4TM7
I waited for the rest of it. There wasn’t any.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡomgKOd37eq
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHUtRFYR0lv
That’s it? I felt like he was about to say more. Was that really all? Because I needed help, he would ruin his schedule, quit his part-time job and cut into his dream?61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡosidwuagyS
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdTP4dPnxV3
I didn’t understand. I thought I had figured him out. But it felt like what I knew was far too little compared to what I didn’t know.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmKlG0adWIZ
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwmicqL7RGF
But he continued.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIGfeHVTOUc
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnhxD3tAkqq
“Honestly, when I first looked at your test papers I was going to say no.”61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDjKwtDxQt8
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Obviously.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTAE9BRQVgU
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsqlgNbpWFP
“But when I looked at the answers themselves. They weren’t random. You never left a question blank. Every answer had a logic behind it, even when it was completely wrong. That logic came from somewhere. It means you were thinking, not guessing. I saw the hard work written on every answer. They were just tangled up with the wrong methods.” He kept his eyes on me. “If we work the right way, you’ll get a different result.”61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTzl4HGDSlw
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSuv8yu9O8S
I sat with that.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr1WKgM95Fb
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Hard work written on every answer.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLjc4nXXDoU
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6r2uajbREt
I bit my lip. I did give my all. I spent nights reading textbooks I tried to understand. In the end, I wasn’t able to and I thought it was impossible for me. And here was someone looking at the same evidence and arriving at a completely different conclusion.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ81hFEP4r8T
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQreYYMz3zP
I wanted to believe it. Can he really make me become a top ten student in a year?61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡypIaLjregL
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnT8tkoXEWc
I stared at my hands.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ9moYiUcWK
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWPMkUa0pc3
If I worked hard just like him, then maybe? If he thought it was achievable, then maybe? If he was sounding very sure of it… then it might actually be real.
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkKsl9Lbqjq
“But I need some kind of insurance,” he suddenly said. “If I put everything in and you still failed, I need something in return. I don’t like wasting time.”61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxlx2at6yoa
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUeFuhwr5Q4
I nodded. Reluctant. I didn’t know if I could promise not to waste his time.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbiZFQkHTil
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7ooSxAMiZ9
“What is it?” I asked.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH5g2W7MUUo
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“If you fail an exam. Midterms and finals, for the rest of the year. For every subject you fail, I get five minutes.”61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGfYmPUaw8d
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ6dl4iycLR
I waited.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTjWLWz6Ocl
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“Five minutes. To touch you.”61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSUUvz90unF
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFDtlFllutz
The room didn’t move.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDInEq3yll5
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4p2qwePLhk
I heard the words. I understood the words individually. They just didn’t make sense when I put them together. Assembling into something I couldn’t process correctly.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN2MpeoBCxT
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ388FT2705m
“Touch me?” I said. I wanted him to say that he was just joking.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDNyf74uLnH
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBBOdDhAXK8
“Yes.”61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSg0iznODAP
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He wasn’t.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb0SBOrqDNO
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My hand tightened slightly on my bag.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDRiSylkYBi
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAtQS84GKth
Absolutely not. That is supposed to be the answer. Immediate. Clear. Correct.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡajcmRaZMkY
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjrdcH3zA10
If he failed me on purpose, how could I ever tell? If the consequence of my failure was something that benefited him, what was stopping him from not doing it? He could teach me badly on purpose, or not at all, and collect whatever he wanted from whatever subject I failed.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvICpg0VfdV
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwq8eOn56jX
I needed to say that. I needed to push back on it directly. The words were right there.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbt78PloBpx
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlu1z7uXRyp
I looked at him.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8WUixJXnzK
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTzAmMFYFIu
I opened my mouth, but he went first.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5cjjUuD0kJ
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6X2VXsyaIF
“Don’t misunderstand,” he said. “I’m not going to teach you halfheartedly. When I said top ten, that wasn’t a promise. It’s my intention. And I intend to follow through on it. But I need to know your resolve.”61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdBKIv6kOkG
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJHbePRFKNi
I didn’t move.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV59YJZ1fFP
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My resolve?61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQinXzeCmUs
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“You don’t have to decide now,” he continued. “You don’t have to decide at all. If you don’t come back, that’s your answer.” He paused. “But if you do come back. Then that’s your answer too. Not just to me. To yourself.”61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhWTBWlLvIC
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I didn’t know what to say to that so I didn’t say anything.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg8uC54IW0Z
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“You can go,” he said.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEIzr6C5MYb
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I didn’t move right away. I didn’t know if I can even move right away.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRv56MyOBTA
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaRI2VLqbD8
When my eyes reached him, I saw him reading his book again, like he just didn’t say the most outrageous thing to say to a girl.
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy8CoZYliHQ
For a moment I sat with everything. I felt the weight of what he’d put on the table and the equal weight of what he was offering in return.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvoQPfJzJ4i
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ68KmDBBDaW
Finally I stood up. I picked up my bag from the floor and held it against my chest.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡktCoayEegA
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjWvDgxzJ6U
I started walking towards the door, as fast as I could.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJzKCq7imHZ
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOPDImHsFkt
“The condition stays between us,” he said before I could walk towards the hallway.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUDp7v6XRop
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I hesitantly nodded. I shouldn’t have. It felt like agreeing to something before I’d decided anything. But I also didn’t want anyone else carrying the weight of this before I’d figured out what I was going to do with it myself.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUrczjhADkw
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I let myself out.
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1ST7J6JM21
The elevator was waiting. I got in.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1pnwRT3vXD
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What do I do?61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRgoloAtC5S
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----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1IjYBZoYNP
Wednesday, Night.
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTIZH7VzmhM
That night I lay in my bed staring at the ceiling with the lights off. Dinner was done. My replies to the group chat were done. Just enough to prove I was alive and accounted for, nothing that invited follow-up questions I wasn’t ready to answer.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDOGpVsW2G8
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The dark was easier right now. Less to look at. More space to think, or to avoid thinking, which was what I was mostly doing.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWF5soHioQt
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My phone rang.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM5TzsF7SOT
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Mika.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2mSy3XSWvF
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I picked up.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡITFZJq9P6t
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“Hello.”
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“Are you okay?”61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDtoKQJdg7G
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“I am. Don’t worry.”61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1G8Uq5u5gb
61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUGn80glivM
“Did he do anything?”61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl9qq2rJC7x
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“No.”61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU7XoFsoiuN
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“Are you sure?”61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC2CLJ9VTV7
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“I’m sure.”61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2jubxrditY
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She didn’t answer for a few seconds.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlFfcsnqKed
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“You don’t sound sure.”61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwd5IR8LtGG
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“I’m just tired.”61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsgrWi7XYHV
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“...Really?”61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjtoDLl2flw
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“Yes.”61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0nyOVbCptX
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She paused.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7CwXPUyxFX
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“Okay.” Her voice was careful. “I’ll let you sleep. But tomorrow, tell me everything.”61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiXYEyacsgm
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“Okay.”61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYORZadosaf
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She hung up.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSeHxODKveu
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I lay there in the dark looking at the ceiling.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqCu5XtVmPe
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Sorry, Mika.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYeAFanFyG4
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I was already apologizing to her in my head. Because I knew, even now, that I wasn’t going to be able to tell her everything. Not even a single word of what had been said.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIRByYVVpg8
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That part…61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNcV2ngYT5T
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All of them…61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1BlHBvXqtP
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Were all mine to carry…61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMQsVdiOZRO
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I pressed my hand flat against my chest.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpDP1UimMyx
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What do I do?61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu4i2nh2yGn
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The ceiling had no answers. It was just a ceiling.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZRALCjL4Mt
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But somewhere underneath all the weight of it, quieter than everything else, something was still there.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQA8uMRhSwo
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I saw the hard work written on every answer.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9PMPcxcLpT
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I closed my eyes.
and then Add to home screen.