Thursday. Before first period.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyz4N9kXDRl
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I feel lost55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlx2zBDc4Pf
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I felt very lost.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3ujAxp2jP9
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This morning just didn’t feel right. Every morning this week hadn’t felt right. And I would definitely feel worse as the day went on.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQXSP9cpdd0
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I didn’t know how many minutes had passed since I lowered my head onto my desk. Forehead touching wood and I didn’t care if it was uncomfortable. Uncomfortable to me right now was my only real comfort.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWKjrX7hzMP
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The classroom was filled with its usual pre-class noise. Classmates arriving, chairs scraping the floor, bags being dropped, and conversations mixing together. All contained inside this room.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjyMmuJaSNW
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I tried to listen.
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None of it was reaching me.
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Not right now.
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Probably not even later.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj7j5kH7O7r
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While everyone else was enjoying their youth. I was here, too busy having the same argument with myself that I’d been having since before I slept last night.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCBB1pNcPMd
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What do I do?55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh0oPk5NLwD
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Unwillingly, I turned my head to my right, where Yui sat. I only noticed now, but she had been working through a box of strawberry Pocky. She had that focused contentment of someone who absolutely was just enjoying a snack early this morning.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn2c1qYmfOt
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My head turned away from her.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTlYjoFloA3
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I didn’t mind her eating. I wasn’t bothered with that at all. I was more bothered that she seemed unbothered while I was here accepting that uncomfortable is the best comfort I’d had ever since the start of this week. Nope. I am totally fine.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI8oTJvyuQx
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“Are you okay?” Yui asked.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE9P8ITWAFc
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She noticed. I wished she didn’t.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN7IR7lN3VU
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“Yeah,” I said. Still not looking at her directly.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeHnfHe6Uib
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She tugged at my sleeve. I lifted my head, straightened up, and turned.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfI2VJ11ih2
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“Here.” She held out a stick of Pocky, smiling. The way she always smiled when she was trying to make someone feel better.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq83rgnnk3T
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“You shouldn’t be eating before class.”
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“I didn’t have breakfast. This is all I have.”55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHK4CUCINg9
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She pulled the piece back and ate it herself.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFxfIuX6654
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“Did you wake up late?” I asked.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8DlxLlVQiF
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“Yep. I didn’t eat breakfast because if I did, I would have missed you guys at the train station.”55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBFGIUBr12C
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Alright, it was bothering me after all. So I had to say it.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2HaYqPf3UM
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“You know, eating snacks early in the morning isn’t healthy,” I finally said.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRD9zzZ6vsQ
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“Don’t worry,” she replied, still eating, “I have a strong metabolism.”55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡekWGYT6jlO
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I stared at her.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡASmUdpnqlz
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Is that… does she think that’s how metabolism works?55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfEP4agPAZV
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My mouth opened. I wanted to say something. Instead, I sighed.
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I shouldn’t have asked.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQhOemPmhDz
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I tried to shake the thought away. It didn’t matter after all. Nothing about Yui’s nutritional logic mattered right now.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv5oBpJr3Ns
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“Hey,” I said carefully.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI167i9FWto
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“Yes?”55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxmXtjz3swc
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“What if someone challenged you to climb a really long ladder, and at the very top there was a huge bowl of curry waiting for you. You could eat all of it.”55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrxKkv1nB5V
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Her eyes lit up immediately.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKn0CJ2EtIT
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“I’ll climb it! Definitely!”55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP5txeb2dP4
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“But,” I said, “if you slip and fall even one step, you have to eat green peas.”55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡws3GNsMRM0
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The light from her eyes went out.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6FEDHccFNH
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“Ugh.” The sound came from her very soul. She never liked green peas. She hated it with such passion she would never talk to you again if you forced her to eat just a single pea.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPz0UWaceKB
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She thought about it for a bit, placed a finger under her chin, crossed her other arm at the elbow to support it, closed her eyes, and tilted her head slightly.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHGkhCJZaSb
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She’s actually thinking about it?55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSa2yCEkQN7
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“How big is the bowl of curry?”55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyQsrVGAXqC
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“Huge. Like, really huge.”55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZTo8myen0O
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“Hmm, well… then I’ll take the risk.” She opened her eyes. Her voice sounded reluctant. But still…55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpqGo7Z8tdK
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She’ll take the risk…55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0ggp0drH8U
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“Why?” I asked.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Uh8w6ydM0
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“I hate green peas! And I loooove curry,” she answered with no hesitation.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJEvQOnHdqp
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She stared at me. The look in her eyes told me that this was more than just a serious matter for her.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTXywzNiYmx
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But to be honest… It is for me too.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDAphZTAF8d
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“But you know, even if the challenge sounds hard, if there is a prize in the end that I really love, then I would do it,” she continued, almost casually, like she didn’t hesitate just a while ago. “I think before you take on a challenge, you look at the prize first. Before you look at the risk, you ask yourself… is it worth it?”55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVZrmhhrnkd
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I blinked.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkl4TqKHtEH
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“The huge curry bowl at the top… super huge curry bowl. I think it is worth the risk!” Yui continued, suddenly sounding excited.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIcrtXg09An
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I looked down at my own hands. I felt a sudden shift inside me. Not entirely a huge one, just a slight tug into a direction that I had not thought about. Something different that I hadn’t considered before.
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Is it worth it?55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM62jjHaDq3
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I pressed both hands flat against my chest without meaning to.
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Suddenly, Yui popped up in front of me, leaning forward. I felt like she was trying to read whatever was written in my face.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzN36tflIvj
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“So?” she said. “What is it about?”55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpj4F9FQ1SQ
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“Uh… no, I mean… well…”55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSzaN76v4Wz
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“Is it about the condition?”55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy83Bhg8FxN
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I went still.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzXfDL3bgAe
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“...Yeah.”55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpWGd3V1ohQ
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“Ooh,” she said, leaning a little bit closer. “So what is it?”55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Fm6q8LKV7
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“I can’t tell you… It’s…” I didn’t know what to say. What could I even say? “It’s something that…”55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsFPXEKjjsj
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“Okay,” she said.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3ArcwneUhB
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I paused for a bit.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi6TCqJfFrr
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“What?”55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp5DzWK1y5q
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“Well.” She smiled. “I could force you to tell me now. But it’s almost time for class.”55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8pGYIZ6R6k
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I looked at the clock hanging way above the black board. Placed in the center of the wall.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq1a2FXhdid
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She was right.The teacher would be here any second.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj3GITZHTpg
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I let out a breath.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1jvt49xI8V
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Out of relief?55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeREM9Gx5tO
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Yes, mostly. I was aware that this would be brought up again later. But at least I got a lot more time to think about what to say.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJTuSC92WJG
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Maybe… if I could think about anything.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqutdpasc3x
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My eyes drifted without permission toward the back of the room.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfLoR8tuuYW
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He isn’t here…55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9MNqrqPSsM
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At least that was one less person I had to think about all day. But this afternoon…55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡisk6WAVpQr
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I stared at his empty seat for a moment longer than I needed to.
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Lunch. Rooftop.
Ever since we were in first year, the rooftop had become our place during lunch. The four of us appreciated the quiet it brought to us. Nobody else came up here for some reason. And if there were any, they would see us and go back down.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbv3exoFZ2b
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We ate lunch here most days. When it wasn’t raining at least. It had just become the thing we did.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDs34lybxEO
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This morning the teacher had done the roll call the same way he always did. When he reached Kuroiwa’s name, he just moved on… No explanation, no pauses, he did not even wonder why he didn’t get any response.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtOXcJ3ICP2
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Usually when a student was absent, they would call the school to tell the teacher. But somehow it seemed like Mr. Tanaka did not even think to share it with the class. He always did. But today he didn’t.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡChWAHOw3oG
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Did he even call? I thought. I felt like Kuroiwa probably did not.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6ZnoHua6YF
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I hadn’t expected this. That I would feel bad about how he was treated.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3VgoASAzye
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After all…55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxfgA5JIxzy
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A week ago I wouldn’t have thought twice about it. But now, after seeing what he actually did, his room, his work, and his goals. Those were different pictures of his life painted on a wall separate from what we all saw at school. Everyday he sat on his seat, yet everyday he didn’t exist to anyone.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaf36OGG6FJ
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It’s all so strange.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXqdSsFMx2J
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“You know what!?” Yui announced before we’d even properly settled down, lunch box already in her hand. “Miyamura-senpai from the basketball club and Anegasaki-senpai… they’re dating!”55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDQ2xzYi6cb
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I saw Mika glance at her in disbelief. I could tell that she was asking herself if Yui was actually going to do this now. After a brief look, she went back to getting her lunch out. Her lunch box bag looked almost like a small purse. That’s very Mika.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV0L16df5vi
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“Really?” Hina said. She sounded interested… or probably not.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuORNmSY7Mr
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“I saw them this morning holding hands on the way to school. But when other students got close they separated and just walked normally. Like nothing!”55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnvPfzaur4C
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Mika frowned without looking up. “We all walked to school together from the station this morning.”55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡevHM1WX3gq
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Yui slowly turned her head toward Mika. Smiling like she knew Mika was going to say what she had just said.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcye3kTAkYx
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“I have very good peripheral vision.”55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFihsySyYd4
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Mika closed her eyes briefly. Hina was quietly amused.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ60nL1feTet
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I giggled.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq86OQx2nmf
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“Just by tilting my head slightly…” Yui demonstrated. “…I can see what’s a few meters behind us in the corner of my eye. They were right there the whole time and none of you noticed!”55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD42rdWdpeW
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“Wow,” Hina said. “It’s like you have a superpower.”55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIZagkV4s8E
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“Yes. My very own.” Yui straightened up proudly.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Y6y0qV1TN
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Hina smiled. Mika sighed for a bit then started eating carefully and calmly. I could tell she was still not fully used to how Yui exposed her energy to everyone, even after a year together. Although, I thought, she was getting better at handling her now.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr2fSC4qH0S
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“Also,” Yui continued, sitting down and finally opening her own lunch box, “Sakamoto-kun from our class confessed to Nakano-chan. You know, the girl from the library committee in 2-C.”55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdXsJxDD8jn
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“The one who’s always peeking into our classroom when she walks past?” Hina asked.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5jmTTObpaS
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“Yes! They were behind the school building Tuesday afternoon. And she rejected him. That’s why Sakamoto-kun was absent yesterday and today he looks terrible.”55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlgCAVyRULb
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Mika looked like she was trying to restrain herself, but eventually she asked. “Tuesday afternoon you were with us. You know… during that whole thing. How did you even see that?”55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOun8iDapoV
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Yui looked at her with the patience of someone who had already read her like an open book.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFqY7XyFpFl
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“Very good peripheral vision.” She winked.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuErlx0Wf1J
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Mika groaned and I bit the inside of my cheek.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlUQToD8l40
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“One glance out the classroom window and I could see the entire view of the back building. I happened to look at the right moment.”55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBlP1wNIjdi
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Hina gave a small, genuine clap. “Impressive.”55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvzY0Oe96Tk
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“Aren’t I?” Yui said, settling back with great dignity.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGlbEkpe66B
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“But then why was Nakano-chan looking into our classroom?” Mika asked, and I could tell from her tone that she had already decided not to care whether she would regret asking this or not.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmrKi4A3AYM
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“I figured that out too.” Yui pointed her chopsticks forward. “She wasn’t looking at Sakamoto-kun. She was looking at his best friend! Katou-kun! Who sits right next to him.”55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt78GmFa4iQ
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“Oh,” Hina said, with the delight of someone who finally got into the most interesting part of a television drama. “A love triangle.”55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcUAqhSRjZO
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“Exactly like in dramas!” I said, because at this point, I was already invested.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrbqwZThnIo
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I heard Mika sigh beside me.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEyflMspZb5
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While Yui and Hina continued for a few more exchanges, Mika spoke to me.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf04ik44FVw
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“So.” She set her chopsticks down. “What happened yesterday?”55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH1NoEessZf
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Yui stopped talking mid-sentence.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkJUTpbXtdC
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Hina was already staring at us expecting to hear my answer.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbMh1fX5TXP
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I… I didn’t feel ready to say anything.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ75EgosJrV9
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The rooftop went a little quieter.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSbLUtdMJlU
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I stared at my food for a moment before I found the first few words that appeared in my mind.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlddDyxt5Tu
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“Nothing really happened,” I said.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsultW25gw1
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“What do you mean?” Yui asked.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUThwPe5Dhf
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I turned my chopsticks over in my hand once. Twice.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXb9FcmIxmY
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My friends patiently waited, but I knew I couldn’t let them wait any longer.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTUYIZxurmo
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“I got there, he let me in, I sat in his living room, he got me a soda, he brought out a table, and then we talked about the condition. He said I didn’t have to give him an answer right then. That if I came back today it would mean I accepted, and if I didn’t that was fine too. And then I went home.”55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSaq5x6xQzB
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“That’s really all?” Hina asked.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnKVRGnDnXj
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“Yeah.”55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZuxwbX18KM
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I wasn’t lying. Everything I said was true. There were just some things I didn’t add. Because they would land very heavy no matter the words I chose to say. His workspace, his sacrifices, and then the condition itself. And how he would just sit on the sofa and read his book after all that. Like nothing, like everything he had just said didn’t matter at all.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGphv4ruQLB
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I took a quick look at Mika and I knew already what she was going to say.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH8VjTo57Hq
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“What’s the condition?”55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwKERcuBCUL
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I knew it55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS0kLlCXPuP
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“...I can’t tell you.”55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVS6L1BvSEJ
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“That’s not acceptable.” Her voice lifted slightly. “I knew I should have come with you.”55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxlnjNMcK3R
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“It’s fine,” I said. “I’m going to be fine. You don’t need to worry.”55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyOTOIOIZC2
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Mika stared at me. Her eyebrows knitting showed that she didn’t like what she heard.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdEIrVDmemd
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“Why are you saying it like you’ve already decided to go back?”55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvSnv0BTq3A
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I opened my mouth. Closed it.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkMhAM7j3il
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Have I?55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡANHuIUwQbf
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I thought about it and slowly, I was surrounded by quiet.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjm6pwJDgk4
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“I…” I hesitated.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2mPJ9Uo8My
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“You have decided to go, haven’t you?” The tone of her voice started to sound accusatory. “I can tell.”55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkqsuLZiUYR
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I didn’t argue.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtQm6Xp9kWQ
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I knew I haven’t decided yet.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwSRGvDajPA
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Or… maybe…55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrinNQCQYt0
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I was just convincing myself that I hadn’t decided even though I was already thinking about what would happen this afternoon.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJN1IW0IzTk
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“How can you always make reckless decisions like that?” Mika continued.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeSDbRlD0oV
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“I haven’t said I am going, right?” I replied.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyes50G37ch
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“But you didn’t say that you wouldn’t go.”55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKMyzfbtwTi
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“Mika, don’t make up things I haven’t said.”55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVM0NWcACCB
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“It doesn’t matter, what matters most is that you don’t have to do this. You don’t have to always expose yourself to danger.”55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5hzIumtF90
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“It’s not dangerous.” I paused. I knew I was lying.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUbxBBv58Pf
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“If it’s not, then tell us what Kuroiwa’s condition is.”55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS5k6oUWDdu
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“I… it’s none of your business…”55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLJER6ZCbSf
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I looked down.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuU1HQS2Sd8
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I noticed that both Mika and my lunchbox were already lying on the concrete. Grains of rice everywhere. Her favorite dish, my favorite dish, both our chopsticks… they were thrown when we stood up. I didn’t even realize I had stood up. She probably didn’t either.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlFmOwFHFJB
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Mika grabbed my hand.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv2eBxCntZH
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“You don’t have to go,” she said and her voice was trying to reach me even though I could hear it perfectly. “We can go back to studying together. All four of us. We’ll find a different approach this time. We’ll do better.”55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpyJo71h3e7
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“There’s no time,” I said quietly. “Midterms are next week, only six days left, including today. If one week didn’t produce any result… how would six days be different?”55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQCHGfAR1Lc
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Mika let go of my hand.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBYKWFg2uWz
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“So instead you are choosing to accept a condition you can’t even tell us? You’re choosing to believe what he said?” Mika’s words were just coming, she wasn’t stopping herself anymore. “He is not a miracle worker. It’s not like he can actually turn your scores around in six days either!”55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Qcn76DTNl
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She paused for a second and let out a small gasp. I could see it on her face… regret… and the recognition of what she’d just implied. That even if I tried, the outcome was already written. That I was going to fail regardless.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVdZJF4RHfG
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She didn’t say she was sorry. She just looked down. I saw her grip both her hands but also bite her lip trying not to say anymore.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbDqcCJg5Ih
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What she said was true. I couldn’t deny it. And that’s exactly why I needed to say what I was about to say.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5WXYTT6sOK
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“He told me he can.” I kept my voice careful. Even. “He told me my answers weren’t random. That even though they were wrong, they were well thought of. That if we applied the right methods, I would eventually produce the right answers.”55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7VUpEYnZab
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“You can’t trust him,” Mika mumbled.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi4EXdbqJc1
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“I don’t,” I said it plainly. “But he’s the only hope I have left.”55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOAsXhBJpfH
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My hands tightened slightly on my sides.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6jeqwEJYwG
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“I don’t want to worry my mother anymore,” I said. “All four of us have been studying together since last year, but I still ended up taking supplementary lessons. It’s even a miracle that I was able to move up with you all. Last year was hard enough and now the material is harder. I laughed it off to you guys whenever I failed a subject. I tried not to show you that I was actually worried. Whenever I was at home, I studied. Whenever I was with you, I studied. But no matter how many times we did this, I could never keep up. I feel like I’ve wasted all your time, and I don’t…” My voice choked for a second, but I pushed through it. “I don’t want to be a burden to all of you anymore...”55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHwP2pAppC2
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Tears welled from the corner of my eyes. I fought to keep them from dropping but they kept on flowing down my cheeks.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdjOkweQ9l7
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I closed my eyes. I didn’t want to see myself in the expressions my friends were wearing right now.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZdbSs325PZ
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I felt Mika come closer, and then I felt her arms wrap around me. She buried her face against my shoulder and I felt it slowly getting soaked.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWJLAMnyrMs
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“I’m sorry,” she said.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMII8jJWeLx
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“Don’t be.” I shook my head slightly. “It’s not your fault. You’ve been helping me a lot since we were kids. How could any of this be your fault?”55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAMD6QM3E9F
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Mika let go of me but not my hands. She gripped them tightly, but carefully.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7nbCHnsS7j
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“Are you going?” she asked. Her voice was still faint with sobs.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXHhZdEU5QE
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“...Yeah.”55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz7XZkVQiLV
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Yui made a sound from somewhere and then her arms were around both of us, holding on without saying anything, trying very hard not to sob and not quite managing.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRvVk0lc6lY
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After a moment Hina stood up. She came to us and placed her hand on each of our heads in turn. Gently, unhurried. Then she looked at Mika.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDwVFMsFq8k
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“If you’re that worried,” she said, “go with her this afternoon. You don’t have to go inside. Just wait nearby.”55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBdJhMgXjEl
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“What if it takes a long time?” I asked.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMpeMN35jxb
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“Then she goes home.” Hina’s voice was calm. “But we both know she won’t.”55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4iQjNM0yAd
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“I’ll wait,” Mika said immediately. She pulled back enough to look at me properly, eyes still wet but firm and steady. “I’ll come with you and wait outside. Somewhere close.”55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxBrwq11U0X
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I nodded.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOzx3cIxGLy
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Yui, still holding both of us, let out a long shaky breath.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxeeigj1ViB
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“Please don’t fight again,” she said, almost begging.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7r4MCFoCQg
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“Yui.” Hina’s voice was gentle. “That’s just how it is sometimes. We argue because we care. And then we come back to each other. That’s what it means to be friends.”55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLXsFNUe1ep
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Yui peeked up at her, still sniffling, as she thought about what Hina had just told her.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Pfd9FmTZq
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“Okay,” she said quietly.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZfBoX0Ga5o
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I looked at the three of them. Mika with her wet eyes and her steady conviction. Yui, who had wrapped herself around us both and refused to let go. Hina, who knew exactly what to say whenever things like this happened.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkeurLUFmj2
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These were my people. All of them. And I wasn’t going to let myself fail in front of them without having tried absolutely everything available to me first.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLp3Mnz58fA
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This afternoon…55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ1YrH5O09V
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I’ll have my resolve.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡejmeh0TQqj
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--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHJLrgMQuVh
Afternoon.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgiynWCzyer
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Mika walked with me to the building and stopped at the park just beside it. She’d insisted she wasn’t going anywhere. I told her she didn’t need to wait if I took too long, but she only gave me the look, her look that said she heard me, but she was the one who would decide whether she stayed or not.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡexuEXvQlfT
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I smiled at her. She smiled back. We laughed for a bit, the kind of laugh that showed that we were both okay, that we were both fine and we were going to be best friends for a long time.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8wiHuK8b9s
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I went inside, found the intercom panel, and typed in Kuroiwa’s room number.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Wc57W94HM
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“Who?”55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE6Vo2dWX9c
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Hmm?55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzmTadCaqZn
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His voice sounded a bit different today. Was he sick? I mean, it still sounded stern and strict but… somehow a bit mellowed.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI6Bp0ZIyPV
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I shook my head.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ12xJ0Q1rQf
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Mellow didn’t seem like the right word to describe him. It didn’t seem right at all. I didn’t know why I thought of it.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvu0YgMyrgD
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I told him it was me, then the inner door opened.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡILvlW6Uuu7
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I took the elevator to the fifth floor, and when I stopped in front of his door I immediately found the doorbell. I had reminded myself of that one ever since I entered the lobby.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeBhtsDCs1I
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I pressed it and waited.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9t401JpxnY
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A few seconds passed and the door opened.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLwBdC5LgYJ
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Then I understood what was bothering me about his voice earlier.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc8XM6ZQzkd
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He looked… exhausted…55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqiCoefizSH
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His hair was messier than its usual mess. The shadows under his eyes were darker and more pronounced. The way he was standing wasn’t quite as straight as it always was, like he was acutely aware that if he didn’t balance himself, he would fall.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWYjxvRwNsX
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“Wait here,” he said.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc0AnHvoLtF
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He left the door open and disappeared into the other room he hadn’t shown me yesterday.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡepg6qbUKOK
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I didn’t know what to think. Was he not going to invite me in?55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjKlnOkGKEC
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This is quite awkward.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLdTl4HO3ry
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A minute passed. One minute of pure confusion ran through my mind. Maybe it was even five minutes. Who knows, all I know was that I was standing in front of his door, outside his open door to be exact.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ08JW5QioSF
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Why is everything with him always so specific and so unclear at the same time?55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8HGfuOsY0A
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I sighed quietly.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcjFhlc5hP0
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And then he came back.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ00spafo853
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With notebooks?55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsJnlH4iI7y
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A lot of them… stacked and thick. I could already see myself struggling to hold all of them in my hands. And I could also see him struggling to keep his balance while carrying them as he kept walking towards me.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4vQc9CTKM0
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He managed though.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSRhrJJyaUE
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“Hands,” he said.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuPzxvjyRNM
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That didn’t sound right to me for some reason.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPU3Y6bL6EP
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But I still reached both my hands out.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmshg7RKl8F
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He placed all those notebooks on top of them and I almost fell. Thankfully I didn’t.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS9O9uSIIhP
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“The three notebooks at the bottom are for the finals. You won’t be needing them right now,” he explained.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2SsrVAb6TX
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I tried to count how many notebooks he had placed on my hands.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡppzaytmgga
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… nine…55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr5PNmum6uf
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Nine notebooks… Nine? Each one as thick as a novel?55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvHcxqgiJRQ
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“The rest are the ones you’ll need for midterms. They will also be used for the finals,” he continued55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm8O8KnBeWT
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“That’s… that’s a lot,” I said. I had no idea that we needed this many notebooks for this term. Do we really?55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ04Wg636fws
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“That’s all,” he said. “You can go home now.”55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoH77ffTXJg
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I blinked.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRvKfWwzxmp
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That’s it? Just… here are some notebooks, go home?55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf71Tpto2xP
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He moved to close the door.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTwJMA3cgNL
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“Wait.” The word came out before I’d decided to say it.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbjgOktOoQu
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He stopped.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV0S049ZeaU
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“Are we not starting today?” I asked.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡahy6u2xdjO
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“No need. There’s enough time.”55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLc3OdirR50
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Is there though?55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGcuKkQF1wo
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My mouth moved before my brain caught up.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0gSQgfEwtw
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“Why were you absent?”55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4lscTGb964
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“I was writing those.” He nodded at the notebooks in my arms.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkRQ1r4t89v
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He wrote these!? Really?55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa607P9MJG0
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I wanted to check, I wanted to look inside one of the notebooks, but my arms were currently occupied and I found myself wishing I could grow at least one more. Just for this moment.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYRHkLOeFCW
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“Since… when?”55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIs6OSzlomw
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“Yesterday, after you left. I finished a few minutes before you arrived today.”55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaUIu3E6SuY
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I stared at him.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYPWVuNT4nf
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“Did you sleep?”55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMaYAyKmBGZ
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“No.”55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrDaMhWOv5G
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“Why?”55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHrvQYjOEta
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He looked at me and I guessed he was trying to understand why I asked a question with an obvious answer.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTNZxFjjGM9
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“You want to pass,” he said. “I wrote you materials to help you do that.”55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvI5QSwvQdg
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I opened my mouth to say something… maybe a thank you, maybe ask him why again, or ask what was wrong with him… but none of it came out.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPbrwW98YmP
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He hadn’t slept just to write all these nine notebooks I was carrying? I didn’t understand. Every time I thought I had some tiny grasp of who he was, he would just shatter it right in front of me.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1jKW54JmaC
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I had asked him why?55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxHrXOFih3c
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He had answered because I needed help.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCKjZkEb9nL
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I had asked him again…55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFC99NGvIrl
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He had answered because I wanted to pass.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfNONzdMl4Z
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Was it really that simple to him? That he didn’t have to think too much about it. Just, I could help you so I would help you.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAW5NtbDurj
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Why?55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMbBjKENFuQ
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I asked him that question one more time from my thoughts.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ58QFJOqLI4
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“Is that all?” he said.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtzLzLhcWBc
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“Umm… wait.” I hesitated for a bit. “Don’t you need to hear my decision?”55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlzt39QaOhZ
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He stared at me for a moment.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡppVzUpifcX
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“But you are here now.”55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIJTXH4Kwzp
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This guy…55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf3qBIjck0V
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I just nodded, I didn’t know what to say anymore.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjP1UkhJtX0
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“If that’s all then… Goodnight…” he said as he slowly closed his door.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡopeFxmNB6t
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It was the middle of the afternoon. The light outside was still golden.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGNIEWVLs09
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I stood there for a few more minutes until my arms started reminding me I was holding nine heavy notebooks.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBQjVm5xt1s
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I placed them on the floor first, knelt down, then carefully placed eight of them in my bag. They were so thick that one of them had to be left out. I stood up and carefully balanced the weight of my bag while I tucked the remaining notebook under my armpit.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡurzRn91P5Z
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I faced his door and bowed just a little. The only way I could express gratitude now, because I didn’t earlier while he was here.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb82RRDBphg
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I walked towards the elevator and pressed the button for the ground floor and waited for the doors to close. I started thinking about Mika waiting in the park below, about the curry at the top of the ladder, about the image of him sitting alone in that room all night writing materials for someone he’d spoken to exactly twice.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuU8yXQjBbc
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I don’t trust him, I told Mika. And that was true.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh9s4JVPp3p
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But maybe it wasn’t about that at all.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfYUiaSkoJV
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Maybe… it was more about whether the prize was worth it or not…55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡphb9SOY7xc
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I felt the heaviness of my bag, then took the notebook under my armpits and gripped it with my hand.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQdFbNYuEHi
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Then a thought came right after.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrTR3aCOidv
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I think it’s worth it.
and then Add to home screen.