Tuesday, After class.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcdfxufIhhv
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I had been thinking about it all day.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOFPtmzOnRE
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About what Hina said yesterday afternoon, about what happened the week prior. Asking someone else to help with my problems. To fix what felt like to me, a burden that I had been carrying all my life. And the person chosen by her?11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcnoujIQ1KZ
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Kuroiwa Rei.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2BGApzCdYS
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I was always familiar with that name. But the person behind it always felt far away and I had my back turned towards him. I’ve only caught the words that were constantly passing around the school. And they were not very pleasant to hear or even to think about. I didn't know what he looked like. Well... just vaguely. The same with most people in our class. I felt that everyone’s eyes refused to look at him. Just like mine. Not even a second.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEN6qKX89e7
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“There has to be a better option.”11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4myqrQbfAs
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Mika finally broke my chain of thoughts. She was standing in front of her desk, two rows near the windows at the front of the classroom.
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I had remained in my seat ever since class ended an hour ago.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZIfFmi9s9K
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I looked at her.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy2GLmPiFVe
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Her arms crossed like she always did whenever she was against an idea she knew it didn't make any sense. Feet planted on the floor with one slightly ahead of the other. Her face, firm, different from how she usually looked. Her eyebrows tried meeting each other in the middle. I knew that look. I've always known it ever since we were little. And right now? That look was directed to Hina.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8watToo32G
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“Hina,” Mika continued. “Have you heard about this guy’s reputation?”11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1swob9xr7N
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Hina was staring toward the back door of the classroom, sitting at her own desk near it. Calm. Steady. Her eyes looked with expectation and her smooth lips, covered with a thin layer of pink lipstick, smiled. She was very relaxed. In fact, she was so relaxed that if I stared at her for a few minutes, I would almost hear her humming in my head. And that bothered me. A tiny little bit.
“Someone told me that he fought ten upperclassmen behind the school!” Yui raised her hand as she poured some of her cheerfulness into jumping down from the teacher’s desk where she sat. “And as a matter of fact, everyone says he has connections to the yakuza.” 11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpifpCCx9Wi
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“I heard his eyes have supernatural ability to stab you just by looking,” Hina said. The smile on her face was still there. She turned around to look at Yui. “Apparently three students went blind last week.” She giggled.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq8bJjCJYax
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“That’s weird, I never heard of that.” Yui pondered.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBcqSHMWqP8
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Mika started getting impatient. She never found anything funny about what had been said.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIKuVUbDvIc
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I did... giggled quietly.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe4Gd4d8U5S
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“That’s exactly the point!” Mika uncrossed and recrossed her arms, which for her was the equivalent of raising her voice. “On top of everything – he’s a loner, he never talks to anyone, everyone at school avoids him. People don't just avoid someone for no reason, you know.”11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAAD9iyXnph
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I knew that. I knew all of that.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGMJnXCxW7A
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Since the beginning of the school year, I had spent every school day believing what others had said. And his nature of always being a loner made a radius of two empty seats between him and everybody else during breaks.. The rumors sounded ridiculous, they all did. But there was no reason for me to just throw away all I heard. I never intended to talk to him in the first place, even now.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj2i6if2S7y
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But the image of my mom being worried, her calling my father who was working overseas. My friends’ frustrations whenever I didn't get what they were teaching me. The supplementary lessons after classes. Me having to go home alone. Everything. They were all mixing together with the thought of this mysterious person who was also my classmate.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDIZpCcVaeD
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I swallowed everything and said nothing.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6zTRY1IVlW
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“Just trust me,” Hina said simply. She was looking at me specifically even though Mika was the one talking to her.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQZ9PQTiyIZ
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I nodded. Very subtle nod.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXG0As2peoF
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Then she blinked towards Mika and gave her a stare, the one she always did when she meant to say that she knew more and had no intention to explain anything. We just had to accept it.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyWwsgNIjLp
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Mika opened her mouth. Closed it.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJnktiwiOxA
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I felt the same way. When Hina was being like this, pushing back was going to become a huge wall to overcome. The words she spoke were few, but the weight of confidence in them was too heavy.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFSyqpTGGwg
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“I just…” Mika lowered her voice. Her head tilted towards the floor. “I still don’t think this is a good idea.”11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZE2REJVxBD
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“Terrible idea!” Yui agreed cheerfully while raising both her hands.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNJMG47KUHC
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I sighed, stood up and went towards Yui. I couldn’t stand the fact that I felt like I was losing an argument I was never even a part of. Maybe in spirit. I don’t know.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3UyMiy1UoK
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Then the back door opened.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSxlnKIm60d
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I stopped in front of Yui when it happened. I saw her stand up straight from the sound. And I could feel Mika do the same without looking at her.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWBrBS8ejfj
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I felt him come in.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9cwe97gGRl
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His steps were slow. With a certain rhythm that sounded careful. Sounded patient. Gentle.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ykMLD7qAD
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Gentle?11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ16EjHZBE2S
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Curiosity crept into me.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6PXLrDn6w3
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So I turned. Slowly. Reluctantly, like my body knew something my feet hadn’t caught up yet.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrsSCCb0sdg
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I looked at him, and he saw my gaze. My eyes snapped back towards the floor.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt6ByEZvlvS
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He kept walking. After taking a brief look, I got the feeling he had been observing us. The three of us in the front of the class. While he continued towards his seat. At the back beside the window.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLNH0qm3OzD
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Behind me, Yui was not moving. I couldn’t see her face but her hands suddenly gripping my arm already told me that she wasn’t looking at him either. Mika as well seemed to be doing the same when I glanced at her.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWiHoERSOMk
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“What does he look like?” Yui whispered.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeW9Nvbg8Vn
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“You have eyes.”11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb1UX0En9OX
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“I can’t use them right now.”11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpfiVcKtzmK
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“Why not?”11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTeFwljJSnv
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“I just can’t.”11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDJ84c8Djwj
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“Hi.”11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTdQh7lMwjr
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That calm voice that suddenly filled the silence came from Hina.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCv1RElgeLE
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Just a little bit. For just a little bit I looked up at her direction.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBeNuxiHzm2
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She was composed. Walking. Confident with each step. Towards the silhouette of that guy I was currently trying not to look at.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtOKqpTc2XB
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I could almost hear the thoughts of Yui and Mika synchronized with mine.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡctgFd59MU5
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How?
How is she so calm right now?11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw1P4nmhbvz
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“Kuroiwa Rei,” Hina said, with a slight hint of familiarity in her voice. But as far as I know, this is the first time I heard her talk to him. “Do you think you can listen for a second?”11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3nzTmCzPNM
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The silence was everywhere inside the room. Too quiet that the noises that came from the classroom below us were the sounds I could hear.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNqEJbiMRrS
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I never heard an answer from him. Normally, you would stop talking to the guy at that point, right? Normally, you would think that he's not interested in having a conversation with you. But Hina was different. At least I think she was acting differently than normal at this point. I thought she knew what normal meant. But right now? She was definitely ignoring what it meant.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡynVhJ37qk5
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“There’s something the four of us need from you.” And there you go, she kept talking. And of course, with the ease of someone acting like she did not just spend the last few minutes being reminded that this could be a bad idea. “We were hoping you might be able to help our friend study.”11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtvmxoihm83
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I flinched. I was not ready for the conversation to shift onto my existence.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi2XD0ety5F
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“Study?” he said.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgzFbHMX0rg
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One word. The first time I heard him talk as far as I could remember. And it was that one word delivered in a voice that was flat and unhurried yet somehow still managed to fill the space it occupied completely.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYHZjk1ydWs
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“Exactly,” Hina said, sounding genuinely pleased.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLvuZC5ZOFp
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I was not. Definitely not pleased.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMEhPZLMsTG
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I kept drifting my eyes towards Hina but when I caught a glimpse of him I reverted to my companion, which is the floor. I kept repeating the same thing, but mostly, the one who I intended to look at was Hina. And unfortunately, my eyes were conversing in silence with the floor when footsteps started to fill the room.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfblptyWmwd
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Slow. Steady. Careful. Patient.
My eyes refused to look up. I wanted to brace myself but perhaps looking down was the much safer option to choose right now.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD2SfnGsWKx
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The footsteps got closer. Then stopped.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7GLbFgF5O7
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It stopped right in front of me.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl8aThPhBa2
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I didn’t move. I tried to breathe.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIFKYRkLt31
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Then I looked up because not looking felt worse. I was careful not to look at his face. But an open hand sure appeared right in front of me. Patiently waiting.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGD0nuNISuX
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“Test papers,” he said.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZp7aXu9qF5
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“Ah.” I didn’t intend to let out any sound, I did anyways.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHofkIqTnTg
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I hurriedly went back to my seat but the grip of Yui’s hand behind me slowed me down a little. I wasn’t thinking about it when I released my arm from her hands. I felt her trying to grab it again but I was already far. I felt sorry. She stood there in front of him for two seconds before she decided to follow me and settled behind me once again. My hands managed to find my test papers inside my bag. I took a deep breath then started walking towards him. Yui followed me, still behind me. Then, without looking at him directly, I offered them to him.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL8eSxVV38D
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At that moment I wondered.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHERJb2m4ZJ
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Will he laugh? The thoughts arrived continuously. I’ve never shown anyone these scores except my friends. Not even my mom. Is he even capable of laughing?11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTIcsdQNglq
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“I bet his laugh would sound like a villain’s,” Yui whispered from behind me.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn96feJM8Xx
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“Not now,” I whispered back.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcD1ckpLP3e
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He took the papers and glanced at the first one.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5JYzd5nc0i
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“Terrible.”11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyDzmJmatYF
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I heard Yui swallow a laugh behind me and I made a note to address that later.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ67V6bEoC3O
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“Hey.” Mika raised her voice suddenly. She still looked stiff but the comment she heard from him somehow gathered some courage for her to say what was on her mind. “You can’t just say it like that.”11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡueq2hRQAjx
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He looked at her from the corner of his eye.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPTUXDRIYiY
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She went quiet.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVyqh0yLRcI
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Thank you, Mika… Sorry, Mika…11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiXqdmi3Um0
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The movements of his hands told me that he went back to examine my test papers. I still couldn’t look at his face. Partly because of the conceived idea that this guy was scary. And also partly because I was nervous about seeing his judging eyes. I just stared at his hands. He wasn’t saying anything but I could feel the tension building around my stomach. I could imagine him trying to look at every single mistake I made, every silly answers I gave. And I wanted to sigh. I couldn’t even sigh.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡovgzRxjjrN
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“But not impossible,” he said.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxg0JfHSXZl
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I blinked.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡytl8VJSCHM
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“Really?” Hina sounded delighted. I was confused.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWRfYlqRqf5
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Not… impossible… I repeated his words back to my thoughts.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMflZLJdhDH
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“She answered everything,” he continued. “Ninety percent wrong. But she answered everything.”11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP72RMWFk3u
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Another muffled sound from behind me.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTn3aUkPLKZ
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Yui… I swear.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsKD3AYhVUu
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“The answers she gave were wrong. But they aren’t random,” he explained. “She gave some kind of logic behind them, wrong logic, but there’s effort and it shows that she’s trying to solve them.”11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaw0tgJjEZH
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I listened to him. And I started thinking back.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ16aKoGoxa5
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Because..11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBmR0Q8ucYq
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I had tried. I had studied. I gave my all.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkidavcyLNh
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Everything was wrong in the end. It felt like I wasted all those times I stayed up late reading my notes, checking all my text books and yet failing to retain what I learned.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjad7TmrgA6
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I gave the right efforts for everything. But the wrong results were what I got back.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡewlw6Zkl80
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I wanted to tell him. I wanted someone to acknowledge them. And I don’t know if he did. So I asked.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo1MRwxnGNH
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“Does that mean… there’s still hope?” My voice came out steadier than I expected.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgZcnyoNTwx
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“Sure,” he replied.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlNJVnCvuYk
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That wasn’t reassuring. An of course would’ve been better. Just sure, like it was simply a fact he was confirming.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKmhFwcObCQ
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I’ll take it, I thought.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmeJoOgVTB3
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“But I have a condition,” he suddenly added.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBwnu05YVyp
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I was in the middle of smiling when I heard that. And I felt my smile slowly fading and then my mouth opened.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXov5Rr9del
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Of course. It’s not going to be for free.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZVymmNXpRV
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“How much?” I asked, before I’d thought about it.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu3yLqyqORj
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“I don’t need your money.”11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM1h9iKd11a
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I looked at him… for a second then I looked at his hands. Then what?11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcaNLUhE9mF
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“What do you mean?” Mika already asked before I could. She already crossed her arms again, and that meant she was already done adapting from the tension. I wished I could do the same. “If it’s not money, tell us what you want.”11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAHbLw3HTu2
11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjUWBysNe9R
He was just silent. Then he walked. Unhurried as always, back to his seat.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3k6POxZw0b
11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAJCKxKdYLp
He reached into his bag and took out a notebook. Then he slowly tore a page from it. He steadily placed the notebook back inside his bag. And carefully he wrote on that page he tore. He patiently folded it neatly. And then he finally walked back.
Why is he being slow when I’m already nervous?11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDyrQbTEWu0
11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYtdBhYGCBg
He stopped in front of me and held out that neatly folded paper to me.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLlyK5JWtVA
11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwx2tjGXf4w
“Don’t open it yet,” he said. “That’s my address.”11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjCb6LbvHYC
11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHhC9l50aPu
“Why are you giving her your address?” Mika’s voice went sharp immediately.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5zQz3aJZ8T
11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9HBNnijt3R
He kept his eyes on me.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPPFBnNL0ah
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“Come to that address tomorrow afternoon,” he said. “Alone. If you want to hear the condition, you’ll hear it there.”11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpxACahvHD2
11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHgcNJgxtSe
Alone? I sat with that word for a moment.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD1r5rvK8E9
11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhLjxfL8OMC
Alone. In his apartment. Just the two of us?11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0izTDpSDb0
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Me, with a boy with a terrible reputation?11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyji7dLgxSB
11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsOYGOf35sm
I had to say no. No was the immediate answer. And it’s where this conversation should end.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiIt0lnZzUh
11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXklBgHC1FB
But the word. That one easy word to say wouldn’t come out. Instead it was drowned by two other words.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqVynaW50X2
11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTixhdEwSsI
Not Impossible.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUlYvtSvspg
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“No!” Mika said what I couldn't. “Absolutely not! Why does she need to come alone? I’ll go with her.”11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOV8ipKTJqj
11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMSFuDmdziq
“I need her to come alone.”11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn1VRRcrwP0
11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtgvp1M2PUY
“Then this is over. We’re not agreeing to that.”11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJssYbqISjx
11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrnIK1CMRLT
He looked at her.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ8SImx6xdQ
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“Tojo Mika,” he said.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSaP2WlmS80
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Mika stopped.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFaclYOCiEa
11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGbohKSDkIs
“Always ready to answer when the teacher calls on you. Above average grades. A few points from breaking into the top ten.” He retained his usual way of talking. Serious, precise and unwavering. “The annoying girl with pigtails.”11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFZmzcNfVtJ
11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX4SN5o5EsO
Mika’s mouth opened.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmsBJ9iKB0j
11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2se0bfk1e2
“Shirogane Yui.” He stared at the one who had been trying to hide behind me all this time.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBIXdgLdY7Q
11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPZ8tP3MuWA
Yui made a small startled sound.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsd6JEbUPxn
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“Decent in class. Your reasoning when teachers call on you is good. You just don’t take studying seriously enough. A little more effort and you’d be above average.”11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNBdzzZYWXY
11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFNVKZODxY0
“Oh,” Yui said softly. I could practically feel her eyes glittering wide behind me.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNgCnZFLcQr
11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMQnjQsC5Ib
“Asakura Hina.”11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZD9IXzLoRx
11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaZRTMV58Mz
“Hmm?” Hina tilted her head like she’d just been greeted across the cafeteria.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWyjZzLro95
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He paused for a second.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5SAViizfTW
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“Top two in our grade. Excellent across subjects. Your math is the one place you’re leaving points on the table.”11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6TPs3KzAGq
11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQojRgi53Q3
“My, you’re actually right.” Hina smiled. Genuinely smiled. Like she was pleased someone had brought it out and noticed.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTmm3fsHPkE
11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEYVfIwvZSN
I heard that. And I wanted to protest. She got 91 in math and he still called it lacking? Isn’t that a little bit absurd?11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp15wXa7hrk
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I felt mildly annoyed this time.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdRbFeDBcNI
11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Bew1KuIzQ
“None of you are bad students,” he continued. “All three of you know how to study.”11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcDP60oOUrl
11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ339JkEElZI
“So what is your point?” Mika said. Still sounding fierce. But when I looked at her. She was looking at the floor. It felt like she knew what he was going to say next but still asked anyway.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbLZVmMdDil
11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdWpoG8JrL1
“And yet.” He paused. “You gave up on her.”11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoqh9KkBWRq
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Everyone went still.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD5F0z8tWO5
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Yui stopped moving behind me. Mika’s arms dropped slowly. Even Hina was quiet.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1cAWsfIwAx
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As for myself. I did not understand what he meant.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLs2wdEZpYn
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“You probably tried,” he continued. “And when it didn’t work, you stopped. Three people who know how to study. And none of you stopped to ask why it wasn’t working for her. Why she couldn’t hold onto what you were teaching her.”11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQMgc8ztqfa
11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd809EpGXoT
“It’s not their fault.” I let it out. I wasn’t planning to, but I let it out all the same. My voice was shaking slightly, I wanted him to stop. “It’s hard for me to hold onto things. They’d explain something and I’d get it, and then after a while it would be gone. It’s not their fault. They did everything for me. They did everything they could. I was just… lacking…”11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6nfnsuDp1P
11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGIC0ycHgmu
My hands were shaking at my sides.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqyJlmxxMcP
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“I’m the problem. Not them.”11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXdwa31pG5J
11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEyDVEEo3va
I tried to let those words sink into him. But the voice that came out next wasn’t from the person I wanted to speak in this moment.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwvghwFWEdZ
11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7uTxF1JLW8
“I’m sorry, Runa,” Mika said. It was barely a whisper.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL7k91NHSae
11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR3kX9IU6Rt
Behind me. Yui’s hands let go of my arm and she wrapped hers around me. She was quiet, and her embrace meant an apology I didn’t want her to give.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2RzUCtykYW
11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv9K0pnrdDQ
I stared at the floor.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzFVsk6sG9k
11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC2VALVchFD
It’s not their fault. It was never their fault.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOQc7THaLqP
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He let out a long exhale from across me.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZrozPEO2U3
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“I know,” he said. “You think it’s your fault.”11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ruAOelDS2
11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt3JrVgihgz
“You don’t understand…” I looked up at him. I looked up at his face. And for the first time I actually looked. Really looked. And I noticed immediately. His hair, messy and dark. Clearly never been introduced to a comb. His face that looked sharper than I expected up close. Angular in a way that would have been striking if he put any effort into it at all, which I assumed was something he would never do. He’s taller than me by some noticeable margin. And his eyes were just looking back at me. Dark and direct and completely still. Intense, in a way that made sense of why people avoided them. But honest. Telling me that all he just said was true. “Don’t say it like that about them. They tried. They really tried to help me. They tried everything.”11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡngzl2jxnDx
11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaYCM0JUQ0Q
He held my stare. Never looked away, never felt threatened. Somehow it was more unnerving than if he had.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO7nseCNdRf
11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHXUeJWFUrN
“You’re right,” he said. “I don’t understand.”11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKUrWJA9a5P
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He looked around and then stopped his gaze on me.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCPUJTJAt7J
11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4KZJuN3x0r
“But from where I’m standing. All of you are at fault.” His voice cut through my excuses. “Not because they gave up, but because none of you understood why it wasn’t working. Not them. Not you. Nobody stopped to ask the right question.”11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡabnFmoGbFv
11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw9D2a5rFaN
Where I failed, he succeeded. Those words he said sank deep inside me. But the quiet my friends had surrounded me with, made me feel like it sank deeper for them.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtmLmxgoE2O
11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡukJfcOfjMj
“Studying is a skill,” he said suddenly. “It’s not something you either have or don’t. It’s something you learn. Something you can get better at. But only if you understand how.”11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCXgxeMzk1j
11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHse6Wg10V3
That stuck inside my thoughts.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZLbopPyc4w
11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmNFnZQzyHN
A skill.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpa05vO42HG
11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡubGgj32bkO
Not a talent. Not something you either had or didn’t. Something you could actually get better at.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK0Dwe85th4
11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN2XobZZA47
Which sounded like exactly the kind of thing someone said right before they sold you something.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaVlNzIOE6u
11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqWtUTHfxVT
And yet.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA1MhNCVZFx
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I wanted to believe it so badly. I wanted it to be real. But I don’t know if he was telling the truth. I don’t know if I could actually trust his words.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUAQ0zxWtzU
11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6TvPgzd3cz
He moved towards his bag and carried it with his hand towards the back door of the classroom where he suddenly stopped.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVmAnEFbVK6
11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0aspHOoq5w
I watched him. He was moving slowly, but not as slow as I remembered a few minutes ago.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTLc3ipcg0U
11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQEn6zyZd2H
“If I help you,” he said, “you’ll be in the top ten of our grade by the end of the year.”11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSKzMiH9VO7
11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkAWAeStTpV
Mika’s eyebrow went up.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj2qnNJ306k
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I didn’t say anything. I just listened.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWvp53tLwjs
11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNEyyrvtROQ
“It won’t be easy,” he continued. “But it’s achievable.” He stared at me. “If you agree to my condition.”11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHq8uZvo40h
11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs37X4NudOd
And just like that. He was gone.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQgiRokLQKb
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Nobody was making a sound. Not even Yui, who I thought would’ve already said something ridiculous but she stayed behind me gripping her arms around me tighter than before.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnFRqMOhVPv
11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNjCnosfP8Y
“He called me annoying.” Mika broke the silence. Her voice had a mix of ‘about to get angry’ and ‘about to get confused’.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEcAEjodFSW
11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ85jxvzyQ71
“He called all of us by name,” Hina offered.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbxu5w5bWYi
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“He specifically called me annoying!”11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3wgrJilLbF
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“He also assessed all our academic capabilities without ever being asked.”11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmQKHv1stDf
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“That’s creepy and also not the point.”11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQYYmlsTHuZ
11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYqW0BhGOzo
“He was wrong to call you annoying,” Hina said. “But was he wrong about everything else?”11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD1GvcY4h74
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Mika slowly stared at the floor. “...No.”11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbNrgYcnBop
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“I was hurt as well, since he was right.” Hina carefully walked towards Mika, then she placed her hand on Mika’s head. “But I think he is someone we can trust,” she said and her familiar smile returned.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsApuifPfqQ
11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGnTGt3aT79
“How do you know that?” Yui finally spoke, peeking at Hina from behind me.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoQwPtNR9JW
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Hina smiled wider. “I just do.” She glanced at Yui and gave her a little wink.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWVyKOSSWTL
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“You can be really weird sometimes,” Yui told her.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuaeQvqmTR9
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And I agreed with Yui. I didn’t know what to think. Everything he said seemed too good to be true. Top ten? In just a year?11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLgujcMKSkl
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I looked at the folded paper in my hand.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNFlcTlhwYp
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“… I still don’t trust him,” Mika said quietly. But I heard it.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFmeZxM3al6
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I don’t either. But the hope he gave me was uncomfortable and at the same time something that I wanted to hold onto. Something that maybe could turn my life around.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIQ2GobUc6L
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I closed my fingers around the paper.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2BZ3rX2vu8
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This idea is terrible, I thought.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsORqohqXLg
11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRGx77KCEUY
And yet.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡociyIsxBLn
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----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC0BCuTEp5f
Tuesday, afternoon11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2SQxzcnRKq
11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgVfrcNuRGf
On the walk to the station, Yui and Hina did most of the talking.
Yui finally regained enough of her composure for her to tell us stories about what was happening in another class. Specifically class 2-C. And she presented them with such focus and energy that she was like delivering some breaking news. Hina listened as she always did and sometimes contributed to them as well.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGNH4SYgQft
11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUxSdwnTEA7
I laughed with them. I said the right things. I didn’t want to show that what happened just a few moments ago was still shaking my thoughts.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnpuXBtRD9C
11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4D3mpPb74t
Mika walked beside me like she always did. She wasn’t talking.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1gJEnFe9jj
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That was always how she got when something was sitting on her. The words went inward instead of out. I knew because I’d been watching it happen since we were small enough that the walk between our houses felt like an adventure.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfYZwVMH86o
11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡufathM6PjB
We split at the station like we always did. Yui and Hina going one direction, Mika and I going the other. Yui waved her hands as she rode the train with Hina. I smiled at her. And then they were gone.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlwZ4WuA2S0
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The train was quiet for the few stops between school and home, and by the time we were walking the familiar street toward our houses the afternoon had gone golden and long around us.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNkwyceNVTq
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Mika hadn’t said anything yet.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl4fmwbJjqT
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I let her be.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡik5XUoJjjm
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“Will you go?” she asked finally.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡokbiH4Uz0N
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“I don’t know.” I wasn’t sure. Maybe I was sure.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5nAGwFA6Se
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I don’t know. I repeated in my head.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmU777hq8Cc
11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMW272GhbOl
“He’s not someone you can trust easily,” Mika continued.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcIgAcD1dIg
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“I know.”11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE1RX3nOsk2
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“Everything he said…” She stopped herself. I knew what the end of that sentence was.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3L08dzTydS
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Sounds impossible. Doesn’t add up. Doesn’t make sense.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVhFBVizrt6
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“I know,” I said again.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5WTvALpzh9
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We walked half a block without talking.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkVaNlLi3c9
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“I’m sorry,” Mika said. Softer this time. “I keep thinking, if we’d tried harder, or differently…”11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9yHj1HDQ72
11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG6CNw1oc5T
“Stop,” I said gently. “It’s not yours to be sorry for. I mean it.”11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTAVxibcdek
11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs3e22Bh54X
“I want to try again. We can start over, do it differently…”
“Mika…”11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBsUZSwjK1k
11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxub8XYWV37
She went quiet.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKqJjpTZCgL
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“You already tried,” I said. “You all did. And I know you would again if I asked. But I also know it didn’t work, and I don’t know why, and maybe that’s what he was talking about.” I looked at the street ahead. “The right question nobody asked.”11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwlh2TimrJw
11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWPFkQFZNVi
Mika kept silent as we continued to walk.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrCBJlPQSRb
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A few seconds later.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvvyDXfivO9
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“If you decide to go,” Mika said eventually, “and anything feels wrong…”11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTDdDZu27RQ
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“I’ll call you immediately.”11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡflfm1NkZ74
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“Before immediately.”11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS4xdaVMLpm
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“Before immediately,” I agreed.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyqrIpA9oSx
11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5L8Bo9ZZ8o
“I don’t want you to go.”11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSYDzmudUPX
11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ87HeDxKAgs
“I know.”11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6yk62MtAFr
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“But you’re going to anyway.”11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5xyf0gRdEN
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I looked at the folded paper still in my hand.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyIGyehNmIo
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“...Maybe,” I said.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7yq9Xq6xEj
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Mika exhaled. She knew that at this point she would never be able to convince me.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9O46N5o2Wy
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I smiled at her.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqyDSydgYE9
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“Stay safe,” she said. “Call me when you get there. Call me when you leave.”11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡElx1f5w96Y
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“Okay, mom.”11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4C4arHlU4H
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“I’m serious.”11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2aZ0MVNhxE
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“I know you are. That’s why I said it.”11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgTQ7WiVpY3
She smiled at me but as soon as she turned away, I caught her trying to hide an expression she didn’t want me to see.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGMwL1CpkwG
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I looked up at the sky instead. The clouds had turned colors, orange edging into pink at the horizon, the blue above it going deeper.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrvgc51S259
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Will I go?11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpDdsqr2Lgd
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I didn’t have the answer yet.11Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM1Npr3amoP
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But I was running out of time to keep saying I didn’t know.
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and then Add to home screen.