Alright ladies and germs. You'll be glad to know that through a simple re read I've edited my short story to damn near perfectness. I've also added a pinch of extra content here or there, just as an improvement.
And I just want to thank everyone who's commented here and especially to @Beckyness For giving me that editing to-do list! It really helped me edit it.
@Chi Mer Rey, Haha. Thanks for the support. I'm prototyping a couple new novel ideas as we speak. Keep an eye out and let's get that stuff on the homepage too!
The idea is intriguing. There are some criticism, but as I went through some of the comments already placed, Beckyness has already noted most of them. Something I do reccomend and is making sure you realize when something is part of a sentence and when something should start a new senetence.
For example, you had a lot of commas and phrases that could have been placed into a new setence or reworded to be in the same sentence. I'd give you a direct example from your chapter, but I'm on the mobile app and cannot. However, just going through and rereading, even skimming, will make you aware of where these areas are at.
Okay, so this is going to seem like a heck of a lot of criticism, but I can assure you, this does not affect the overall success or delivery of your story, which, by the way, is pretty damn good! I have picked out almost every typo or nit-picky-thing I could possibly find - they go as follows:
1) Make sure not to use commas in place of full stops e.g at beginning "I mean, who in their right mind could have seen this coming, maybe an absolutely..." - the comma before "maybe" needs to be changed to a full stop or semi-colon
2) I feel in the opening paragraph "whatever" is a bit of an anti-climax and unneccessary after "pen, paintbrush, pencil" - just personal opinion
3) Paragraph 2: "Electricity" in place of "electric", unless that's just an American thing, in which case ignore me!
4) try not to start two sentences in a row with "so"
5) Paragraph beginning "Ms. Kammeyer let out an awkward chuckle..." - that is one long sentence! Just try giving it a read yourself...
6) make sure not to use an apostrophe in "it's" when it isn't possessive or a conjunction of "it is"
7) "explatives"?? "Do you mean "expletives"?
8) paragraph beginning "the only thing thst remained, that there was ever humans on this beach". I'm guessing you rushed this part, since it requires a little tweaking.
9) "sprouts of dirt"! I think you meant "spouts"!
10) paragraph beginning "I've had enough" changes tense unneccessarily and is a little confusing.
However, on the positive side, it is a beautifully crafted piece of text, with some lovely interspersed bits of description. I'm sure some proof-reading will allow you to correct any minor errors.
This really had me gripped and the sudden change from normality to disaster really worked for me.
Thank you SO much. I'm gonna put fixing all those things on this week's agenda. I hope you'll come back to maybe double check it? Your choice. It'd be splendid if you did. Btw I'm American and was emulating a Brit as well as I could. 😂. I'm so humbled by the fact you actually took the time to carefully analyze my story. Thank you so much! It means a great deal to me.
For example, you had a lot of commas and phrases that could have been placed into a new setence or reworded to be in the same sentence. I'd give you a direct example from your chapter, but I'm on the mobile app and cannot. However, just going through and rereading, even skimming, will make you aware of where these areas are at.
Otherwise this has me interested!
I have picked out almost every typo or nit-picky-thing I could possibly find - they go as follows:
1) Make sure not to use commas in place of full stops e.g at beginning "I mean, who in their right mind could have seen this coming, maybe an absolutely..." - the comma before "maybe" needs to be changed to a full stop or semi-colon
2) I feel in the opening paragraph "whatever" is a bit of an anti-climax and unneccessary after "pen, paintbrush, pencil" - just personal opinion
3) Paragraph 2: "Electricity" in place of "electric", unless that's just an American thing, in which case ignore me!
4) try not to start two sentences in a row with "so"
5) Paragraph beginning "Ms. Kammeyer let out an awkward chuckle..." - that is one long sentence! Just try giving it a read yourself...
6) make sure not to use an apostrophe in "it's" when it isn't possessive or a conjunction of "it is"
7) "explatives"?? "Do you mean "expletives"?
8) paragraph beginning "the only thing thst remained, that there was ever humans on this beach". I'm guessing you rushed this part, since it requires a little tweaking.
9) "sprouts of dirt"! I think you meant "spouts"!
10) paragraph beginning "I've had enough" changes tense unneccessarily and is a little confusing.
However, on the positive side, it is a beautifully crafted piece of text, with some lovely interspersed bits of description. I'm sure some proof-reading will allow you to correct any minor errors.
This really had me gripped and the sudden change from normality to disaster really worked for me.
Well done @SuperStallion!