The idea is intriguing. There are some criticism, but as I went through some of the comments already placed, Beckyness has already noted most of them. Something I do reccomend and is making sure you realize when something is part of a sentence and when something should start a new senetence.
For example, you had a lot of commas and phrases that could have been placed into a new setence or reworded to be in the same sentence. I'd give you a direct example from your chapter, but I'm on the mobile app and cannot. However, just going through and rereading, even skimming, will make you aware of where these areas are at.
For example, you had a lot of commas and phrases that could have been placed into a new setence or reworded to be in the same sentence. I'd give you a direct example from your chapter, but I'm on the mobile app and cannot. However, just going through and rereading, even skimming, will make you aware of where these areas are at.
Otherwise this has me interested!