This was simple but very grounded. The introduction of characters were smooth and the inciting incident was paced well. It's a great start. I hope the angry guy has more role later on in the story.
Edit: Oh he's probably going to be the "romance" aspect of this story?
Thank you! The guy does have a role in the story and I think that aspect would be a little too telling by now since he's already appeared in the next few chapters. I suppose we'll just have to see how the story unravels :)
Your description of the store is well constructed, including all the senses. The protagonist reminds me of Clary from the imortal instruments series. Make sure to go over the grammar of the chapter- help the flow. If you read over some of the longer sentences aloud it helps break them up or add punctuation. Overall a great start!
Edit: Oh he's probably going to be the "romance" aspect of this story?
Make sure to go over the grammar of the chapter- help the flow. If you read over some of the longer sentences aloud it helps break them up or add punctuation.
Overall a great start!