Not to sound like a grammar Nazi (If I was I would need to turn myself in), but lots of tense issues. It's one of my greatest weaknesses too. I've read a LOT worse and it wasn't anything that would stop me from reading more.
I would also recommend breaking some of the longer paragraphs down a bit. Long paragraphs can be a turn off to some readers. Like long sentences it can also be confusing to the reader. That's a style thing though. If you like it, there's nothing wrong with it.
I haven't watched Naruto in forever, so the characterization that Obsess pointed out didn't really stick out much to me. I agree with both of you that it's a matter of what you want to get out of the fanfic. The overall love story was well done, and I found it believable given the current personalities as you reimagined them.
I did like that putting them in a school setting closer to what is in modern japan when the original setting was a ninja school made the transition very smooth. Not a bad AU.
Oh, good idea about adding the translations at the end. I knew them, but those not into anime as much as I am would probably get lost a bit. ;)
A very good start at fanfiction. :) There are some verb tense issues that can be easily fixed with some editing. Gaara in general appears to be slightly OOC, which isn't exactly a problem, but it pushes some readers away. Ino looks to be very in-character, so tweaking with her shouldn't be necessary. :) All in all, a few tweaks here and there should make this a finished one-shot! :)
@Emoddess, That's sorta how it's supposed to be, though I think most readers have in mind that the plot of the story is original and not entirely the characters. The definition of a fanfiction will vary depending on who you ask...Personally, I prefer characters who remain as close to canon as possible, but that's just my preference. :) I still liked the story!
Thank you for the feedback! ^_^ I wasn't exactly sure because I thought writing a fanfiction means you could tweak the characters to your liking. Was that not how it's supposed to be? :o
I would also recommend breaking some of the longer paragraphs down a bit. Long paragraphs can be a turn off to some readers. Like long sentences it can also be confusing to the reader. That's a style thing though. If you like it, there's nothing wrong with it.
I haven't watched Naruto in forever, so the characterization that Obsess pointed out didn't really stick out much to me. I agree with both of you that it's a matter of what you want to get out of the fanfic. The overall love story was well done, and I found it believable given the current personalities as you reimagined them.
I did like that putting them in a school setting closer to what is in modern japan when the original setting was a ninja school made the transition very smooth. Not a bad AU.
Oh, good idea about adding the translations at the end. I knew them, but those not into anime as much as I am would probably get lost a bit. ;)
I wasn't exactly sure because I thought writing a fanfiction means you could tweak the characters to your liking. Was that not how it's supposed to be? :o