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The next day, Jessy doesn't show up to school all day, nor the next day. I'm worried to death for him. Also at the end of class, I will question Amy in order to obtain his address. She gives a little smile which immediately makes me think that she is going to rush to find Chad and tell him but, honestly, I don't care. At this moment, I don't care about my reputation, all that matters is this boy who has already indelibly marked my life and for whom I worry so much. I have to struggle for a little while and make up a crazy story, but in the end, I leave the school with the coordinates in my pocket. Immediately, I went to his house. He lives in an old two story house which has retained its incredible charm, despite the renovation work it has undergone. The paint, a light yellow, was redone recently. It’s just the kind of well kept house my dad likes. This thought makes me smile. A covered terrace, where a bench and two armchairs have been installed, shelters the entrance to the house. I climb the three steps and ring the bell. I don't have to wait long before the door opens for Jessy.193Please respect copyright.PENANANjOlYHFCds
— I’m not in the mood to worry, he told me point blank.193Please respect copyright.PENANAsCAnZNgC2N
He looks tired, preoccupied. Despite his obvious bad mood, I'm happy to see him. These last two days without seeing him seemed like an eternity. His mother comes up behind him. I can only glimpse it briefly.193Please respect copyright.PENANAD7M4uK9bYO
— It’s for me, mom, he tells her.193Please respect copyright.PENANA2R1fehGInA
Understanding that he doesn't want to talk to me in front of her, I decide to play on it and, leaning towards him, I whisper to him : 193Please respect copyright.PENANAUkqGP7sHeM
— I'll stay until we've talked, and it's too bad if your mother asks me what I want.193Please respect copyright.PENANA17q24FdDL4
His green eyes stare at me, trying to see if I'm bluffing or not, finally, he gives in.193Please respect copyright.PENANAXeTJO6xheO
— Very well, I’m coming.193Please respect copyright.PENANA20gvD05Asp
He grabs a denim jacket before following me down the street.193Please respect copyright.PENANALaY1oTOxAl
We walk aimlessly, following the roads that pass before us in complete silence. I don't know how to start the discussion, I'm afraid of offending him, or of upsetting him if I question him too much.193Please respect copyright.PENANAmg2VbJjEOr
— So ? You wanted to talk to me, go ahead ! He says in a bad mood, as we arrive near an abandoned factory.193Please respect copyright.PENANAZZ9rqg3ZHX
Intimidated, as always by his presence at my side, I take it upon myself to get started : 193Please respect copyright.PENANAVUdJoo9mJa
— You haven't come to school for the last two days...193Please respect copyright.PENANAEPi029KkcH
— Oh yes, you noticed, well done ! 193Please respect copyright.PENANAUEh9rfZYXs
— Don’t be sarcastic, please. But you let me down for the presentation ! 193Please respect copyright.PENANAQ7sinOQuKf
— Oh, and you probably want an apology ? 193Please respect copyright.PENANAMnXf1e2WiD
— No, I don't care about this duty.193Please respect copyright.PENANAcwazhrvca9
I use a calm tone so as not to annoy him further.193Please respect copyright.PENANADAjrkCjBfq
— Why did you come to see me ? 193Please respect copyright.PENANAqJMV3doqwe
He stops walking.193Please respect copyright.PENANApOdBWjUTZz
— I was worried about you.193Please respect copyright.PENANAh3rv8veaQf
— Well then ! Instead, admit that you want details so you can tell your friends everything afterwards ! 193Please respect copyright.PENANA64SR72XK2a
— I don't plan to tell anyone about it.193Please respect copyright.PENANA6bmg50iVod
He examines me for a long moment, seeming to search deep in my eyes if he can trust me.193Please respect copyright.PENANAboLwYDA6Gy
— How long have you been HIV positive ? 193Please respect copyright.PENANAsOeiPshkcx
— It's been about a year now.193Please respect copyright.PENANAy4tJLUfxql
— And how did you catch it ? 193Please respect copyright.PENANAgnplnb2hjl
— One evening at a friend’s party, I met a girl…193Please respect copyright.PENANAIFIIa6I5h7
— And you slept together ? 193Please respect copyright.PENANAbeHCWgOREt
— No, we watched cartoons ! He said, really angry.193Please respect copyright.PENANAV1hvXGe16a
— She didn’t tell you she was HIV positive ? 193Please respect copyright.PENANAZWHyG12fC3
— She didn't know at the time... A doctor called my mother a few weeks later, Haley had taken a test which came back positive. She had informed the doctor that I was one of her partners. I had to go get tested myself and that’s how I learned that she infected me.193Please respect copyright.PENANARAFyEMHzuO
— Just for one night you spent together.193Please respect copyright.PENANAXDTeIymqaF
I whisper this sentence as if to myself.193Please respect copyright.PENANAzJed8Tfsfc
— Not one night, just a short moment and a lack of condom and this is the result. A word of advice Meg : When you decide to do it with Chad, don't forget the condom otherwise you'll end up like me, a walking corpse ! 193Please respect copyright.PENANAVqZ21Cj2NB
— Jessy, stop saying that ! 193Please respect copyright.PENANADA8hFNZu1P
— For what ? It's the truth ! 193Please respect copyright.PENANALMja9vK6vd
— No, you are in good health, it doesn't even look like you have this virus so you have to be optimistic.193Please respect copyright.PENANA6e2zaUBEnI
— As if that could cure me ! 193Please respect copyright.PENANAnUiiJC7hqA
— Yes, it can help you hold on until the doctors find a cure.193Please respect copyright.PENANAoQDFhBUJLO
I spoke more firmly than I wanted. Jessy looks at me, surprised.193Please respect copyright.PENANAtPMRqGeccW
— You're right, you have to be positive and enjoy life, right ? 193Please respect copyright.PENANArvSm9MVYse
Suddenly his gaze changes, it becomes darker. He approaches me and takes me by the waist, holding me tightly against his body. I pull away from him immediately, not out of fear of illness, but as I would with any boy who did it this way.193Please respect copyright.PENANAQYajdSGxoU
— Hey, weird ! You don't want to kiss me anymore ! This surprises me greatly ! Go find your fantastic and healthy boyfriend and leave me alone ! he shouts as he walks away.193Please respect copyright.PENANAfsUH8zPBJD
— Jessy, you’re wrong, that’s not it ! Come back ! 193Please respect copyright.PENANAOroIElYTJn
My words are lost in the silence.193Please respect copyright.PENANAG7tE20QXgz
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The next morning before classes, which start later today, and where Jessy will certainly still be conspicuous by his absence, I am sitting in a corner of the snack bar. It’s a café where all the young people from high school like to meet for a drink, listen to music and chat. The room is quite large, with its light green imitation leather benches, its silver metal tables and its fifties decoration all in pink and blue. I found Chad there, who is having fun around a pinball machine with his friends a little further away, while I read Jessy's book. In fact, this is the third time I've devoured it since he lent it to me. The story of this man who fights alone against everyone to obtain his freedom after having been condemned in advance by public opinion now takes on a whole new meaning for me. Between these lines, it is Jessy’s life that I see. I can't stop thinking about him, and it drives me crazy. I'm dating Chad, I like Chad. So why do I only think about Jessy's lips on mine ? Why am I so worried about him ? How come I miss him so much ? I have already gone several days without seeing Chad, when he went on vacation with his parents, without ever feeling this emptiness in the pit of my heart. Yet I am in love with him.193Please respect copyright.PENANAFcYTaK9z5P
Do I like Chad ? 193Please respect copyright.PENANAXQj7c0PUws
Ah, I'm going to go crazy if this continues ! 193Please respect copyright.PENANAKDkJn51sSn
I raise my head and look at him, he looks at me and gives me a smile that I have trouble responding to, before he turns his attention back to his friends.193Please respect copyright.PENANAltUvwojrob
Why don't I feel anything when I look at it ? 193Please respect copyright.PENANACW500SuCiE
Putting my thoughts aside, I carefully dive back into my reading when Amy approaches me. That day, more than ever, I had no desire to talk to him. As I expected, she reported my comments to Chad and, as always, I had to justify myself. Luckily we have this talk to give, it gave me the perfect excuse.193Please respect copyright.PENANAhMeCsquNjG
Amy lifts the cover of my book and whispers : 193Please respect copyright.PENANAazqIn7h5nd
— Put down that book ! 193Please respect copyright.PENANAbPKs2MdTRL
— It’s a great book ! 193Please respect copyright.PENANAjpy5px6dQv
— I will never understand how you could want to read outside of class, there are so many things193Please respect copyright.PENANA7UjGiCcJZM
much more exciting to do…193Please respect copyright.PENANADPSwHfq6sR
— Excuse me…193Please respect copyright.PENANAfIZlkbcfwC
I get up quickly after seeing Jessy passing in the street.193Please respect copyright.PENANAflY47GzCxg
Hurriedly, I leave the café.193Please respect copyright.PENANASvBZ0Dr1b1
— Jessy ! Wait for me ! 193Please respect copyright.PENANAXN1dkY2ujH
As usual, he hears me, but continues on his way.193Please respect copyright.PENANAacNGmDcMlw
— I have your book ! 193Please respect copyright.PENANAmJOvybO1Wx
This time, I manage to catch his attention, he stops on the sidewalk.193Please respect copyright.PENANANfMrTzBBTJ
— What do you want from me ? 193Please respect copyright.PENANATZTChQuikt
— I just wanted to give that back to you.193Please respect copyright.PENANASUHx5p1VJR
I hand him his paperback, staring at him, my heart rate increasing.193Please respect copyright.PENANAEN8ehiOd80
— And then, I wanted us to talk.193Please respect copyright.PENANAv0qYbFsaSp
— I think we said everything. You should go back to your boyfriend.193Please respect copyright.PENANA5yjmPCkemr
— I don’t want to talk with Chad, but with you.193Please respect copyright.PENANAHPQ1est9c7
— Thank you, that’s a pleasure, says a familiar voice behind me, making me jump.193Please respect copyright.PENANAdQWP4A5gnj
I quickly turn around to see my boyfriend.193Please respect copyright.PENANAD44z1bg0ob
— It's not what you think. But I need to talk to Jessy.193Please respect copyright.PENANAJrvNUaUn8i
— We have nothing to say to each other, he repeats.193Please respect copyright.PENANA9rtEqqrvYP
— Glad to hear you say that ! Stop hovering over my girlfriend ! 193Please respect copyright.PENANAjKn2ZOCL0Y
— Hey, I’m here, Chad ! You don't have to speak on my behalf and even less tell me who I can talk to or not ! 193Please respect copyright.PENANAl4QRmL9jVP
— There, I agree with you, replies Jessy.193Please respect copyright.PENANA3EztR0xdUf
— We didn't ask you anything ! 193Please respect copyright.PENANAUgE5XWqBh5
— Leave him alone ! It’s me who wants to talk to him ! 193Please respect copyright.PENANAN5uDZgYc7n
— Are we having a threesome now ? Chad angrily grabs my arm.193Please respect copyright.PENANA1GF9Mm2Ne4
He squeezes it tightly and takes me with him towards the snack bar.193Please respect copyright.PENANAIIDfECppAI
— Let me go, I demand, trying to get out of his grip. You're ridiculous ! 193Please respect copyright.PENANAwYJNVNAmB3
Chad tightens his grip further.193Please respect copyright.PENANAlacNtmIFUd
— I just want to talk to you.193Please respect copyright.PENANAZBFojqC63p
— So let go of me, you’re hurting me ! 193Please respect copyright.PENANAe0q9x9RHqn
— Let her go ! Jessy demands, interposing.193Please respect copyright.PENANAEBwA2kjrdt
— Don't get involved ! My boyfriend shouts, finally releasing my sore arm before pushing Jessy along the wall of the establishment.193Please respect copyright.PENANAnKDNzkQTVF
— Don’t hit me, Jessy warned.193Please respect copyright.PENANAdNm269rjgG
— Ah, Monsieur gives more orders, says Chad angrily, putting his fist in the young man's stomach.193Please respect copyright.PENANAR4cZ3oDeVf
In shock, Jessy doubles over, dropping his book.193Please respect copyright.PENANAmeHACFCn9T
— Chad, stop ! I scream in the middle of the street.193Please respect copyright.PENANAEkMH2SJrGz
Jessy, still hunched over, rushes at Chad and knocks him to the ground. He finds himself straddling him, trying to keep him on the ground while asking him to calm down. But you don't know Chad very well to think that he's going to let himself be controlled so easily. Soon they are rolling on the sidewalk, almost falling onto the road. Chad finds himself on top of Jessy and punches him in the stomach again. Then he stands up, waiting for Jessy to get up. When he gets back to his feet, he spreads his hands in a sign of appeasement, but Chad rushes at him again and hits him in the cheek.193Please respect copyright.PENANAVodr4F3YRO
— Chad ! Leave him ! 193Please respect copyright.PENANAdieJNlbPaX
Jessy picks up his book and walks away, but Chad comes at him again and hits him in the back. Jessy falls to his knees as Chad walks around to face him and grabs him by the collar of his T-shirt.193Please respect copyright.PENANAwOrEDjCaqi
No matter how much I beg him, Chad doesn't listen to me. I am about to betray my promise when, fortunately, two police officers intervene to separate them, surrounding them.193Please respect copyright.PENANA5m1BBv84jr
Jessy immediately regains his calm while Chad continues to struggle in order to continue the fight.193Please respect copyright.PENANAwCvSF4Cb49
— What is happening here ? Asks the officer holding Jessy.193Please respect copyright.PENANA4wPJiklo2T
— This guy is hitting on my girlfriend, Chad shouts, still annoyed.193Please respect copyright.PENANA3uFSA2C5Pr
— Anything ! I shout angrily. Jessy is a friend and there’s no way you’re going to forbid me from talking to him ! 193Please respect copyright.PENANA8ioOWl8s9a
My boyfriend stares at me in astonishment while I think I see recognition in Jessy's eyes. This has the gift of calming Chad who lets his arms fall while blowing.193Please respect copyright.PENANAiD8wHIS9Nm
— Can we let go of you ? Asks the second police officer.193Please respect copyright.PENANAlh7USKTrTm
Both boys nodded weakly.193Please respect copyright.PENANAgu4B3GEvkg
— It’s not over yet, Chad says, staring at Jessy, before heading back to the snack bar.193Please respect copyright.PENANAsOw8YRRZF2
— It'll be OK ? Asks the other agent. He hurt you, do you want to go to the hospital ? 193Please respect copyright.PENANA7yMnWb4wQt
Jessy's complexion suddenly turned pale.193Please respect copyright.PENANAsGMiaSxgki
— No, it’s okay.193Please respect copyright.PENANAkmbjx0N0l2
— I’ll take care of him, I intervene, moving closer to him.193Please respect copyright.PENANAegjQzKhwlL
With a knowing look, the two police officers walk away.193Please respect copyright.PENANAuvL2H8d25X
— Thank you, Jessy sighs.193Please respect copyright.PENANA1NIVx8Pr7B
— You seemed panicked at the idea of going to the hospital.193Please respect copyright.PENANAFhfTzl9Xza
— Yeah, I'm not a big fan of it. I've already just left my doctor's office, I'm not going to spend the rest of my day on a stretcher.193Please respect copyright.PENANAZpppoYP1WT
I pick up his book and give it back to him.193Please respect copyright.PENANAkX2q2StN09
— Do you want to talk now ? I ask.193Please respect copyright.PENANAqLxCttTiPX
Jessy purses his lips.193Please respect copyright.PENANA8y4qJPnlHj
— You never give up ? 193Please respect copyright.PENANAJr4UNRBFNM
— It depends on the subject but when it’s something important to me, no, I never give up.193Please respect copyright.PENANABWMk5prlAS
Jessy seems touched by my words, he lowers his head and nods, pursing his lips.193Please respect copyright.PENANAdThchzNnqy
Without even asking him if he plans to go to class this morning, we head towards his house.193Please respect copyright.PENANArwleqzRZsB
— Did you like the book ? He finally asked after a long silence.193Please respect copyright.PENANAtUPc8im38u
— I devoured it ! I'll have to buy a copy.193Please respect copyright.PENANAYgEJde5QNS
His smile is radiant when he tells me : 193Please respect copyright.PENANAfazcBlyRwP
— I'm glad you liked it. You're the first person I've told about this.193Please respect copyright.PENANA0Ed3EKb3zx
I take advantage of this confidence to try to learn more.193Please respect copyright.PENANAuyBMWBnbEE
— You told me you went to the doctor, are you okay ? 193Please respect copyright.PENANACvra0QIKR9
— My doctor told me that apart from being HIV positive, I am in great shape. She will do regular blood tests to monitor how the virus is progressing and has also encouraged me to join a support group of people who have the same problem as me, he tells me as he stops walking.193Please respect copyright.PENANA4L6OjLkzpP
I meditate on his words for a few seconds, I know how important the subject is and I definitely don't want to focus on it.193Please respect copyright.PENANABkub6m2i9T
— I think you should try going to one of these meetings. After all, what are you risking ? 193Please respect copyright.PENANA8cEL3PHPPF
He raises his face to the sky and observes a cloud which moves slowly, pushed by a light wind.193Please respect copyright.PENANAHemikDnIo3
— Maybe you're right.193Please respect copyright.PENANAsqDJyL6Zmf
Satisfied with his answer, I leave him in front of his house. As I head back home, I'm torn between the pleasure of being closer to Jessy and the anger that overcomes me when I think of Chad. I know this situation has gone on for too long.193Please respect copyright.PENANAEHmNGEvo0P
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I had barely crossed the threshold of my house when my mother told me that Chad was waiting for me in the garden.193Please respect copyright.PENANA5MUoaSUeJz
— Neither of you have been to class and Chad looks upset, she said. What's going on, Megan ? 193Please respect copyright.PENANAQtKbK0ahna
— I'm sorry, mom. I should have warned you. Chad and Jessy fought before we went to high school. Chad crossed the line, Jessy is hurt, and believe me, he really didn't need this.193Please respect copyright.PENANA0tbTYhJoZ6
My mother examines me carefully. I'm not going to lie, along the way I thought about how events unfolded and the more I think about it, the more my anger grows.193Please respect copyright.PENANAfLLzOgBmN6
— And this fight happened because of how you feel about Jessy ? 193Please respect copyright.PENANAnTJhayTDyk
I agree, nodding my head.193Please respect copyright.PENANAyXiwKmoICd
— Now, do you know what you are doing ? 193Please respect copyright.PENANAnNtVogmROY
— Yes, even if it is painful, I can no longer hide my face.193Please respect copyright.PENANAGDhEKQvibV
My mother gives a little knowing smile.193Please respect copyright.PENANAYwX4JUlLc5
— GOOD. I don't like it when you skip school, but this time, I'm giving up. You will go to class this afternoon. In the meantime, go and sort this situation out. Good luck.193Please respect copyright.PENANAoiZgdWU9Ns
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Chad is pacing around the yard when I open the back door of the house to join him.193Please respect copyright.PENANAuooj8dvwSh
— Finally you're here ! Were you with him ? 193Please respect copyright.PENANAfAIIYt7gyG
The tone of his voice is icy. If he thinks I'm going to let him talk to me like that, he's sorely mistaken.193Please respect copyright.PENANASPoL97q4sk
— Remind me, when did we get married ? 193Please respect copyright.PENANAgygDsehTzw
— Pardon ? 193Please respect copyright.PENANAeZbKkUk1HM
— No, because the reason you're acting like an incredible asshole is because we've been married for years and you think I'm your property, right ? 193Please respect copyright.PENANAbYtKYzQqEN
Chad puts his hand to his forehead and bursts out into mirthless laughter.193Please respect copyright.PENANAAj2Fglrk6v
— I should have known you were going to take his side. Damn, Meg, you don't realize this guy is manipulating you to separate us ! 193Please respect copyright.PENANAqRHTDk7Xg2
If until now I had managed to keep calm, his words made me lose all control.193Please respect copyright.PENANAjMVIcxm5sm
— But you are completely delusional ! I'm not your thing, I'm free to do what I want ! 193Please respect copyright.PENANA43sznZ3i1I
— Like sleeping with him ! ? He writes to himself, clenching his fists.193Please respect copyright.PENANAxxidSQKOV2
— I'm not going out with him ! I scream. And I'm not going out with you anymore ! 193Please respect copyright.PENANAUSqigUX6Oe
In shock, he takes two steps back.193Please respect copyright.PENANAYveiDr3QSr
— What ? 193Please respect copyright.PENANAHrLHXim1z5
— You understood me very well. It's over Chad.193Please respect copyright.PENANAs3T1H0Wzxi
— He succeeded then ? He wanted to separate us and you become his accomplice.193Please respect copyright.PENANA90B5q5B2AS
This time it’s me who’s in shock. Where did he get such an idea ? 193Please respect copyright.PENANAci2xlzivbV
— No, but do you hear yourself ? I'm talking to you about us, not Jessy. He never even suggested that I break up with you, even after you hit him earlier.193Please respect copyright.PENANAkMgdRdv4Bb
— You're not going to make me believe that it's enough for you to realize that you don't love me anymore.193Please respect copyright.PENANAiNowKNwo5d
— Since we have been together, I have asked myself a lot of questions, I admit, going to sit down on a chair in the garden furniture. We have nothing in common. I know that I annoy you when I talk to you about literature and you annoy me when I try to share a moment with you and you are so captivated by a match on TV that you don't care.193Please respect copyright.PENANANOBoM0BstJ
Chad opens his mouth to respond but remains silent.193Please respect copyright.PENANAi94Dtp6htN
— You know I’m right, I insist calmly. You and I have known each other since we were kids, we have always been friends and I think we should have stayed that way.193Please respect copyright.PENANAOvHrWLs5Zo
He takes a deep breath as his eyes water.193Please respect copyright.PENANAA5NdN5DCWN
— So you don’t love me anymore ? he whispers.193Please respect copyright.PENANAVWmoYFwnvP
— Yes I love you but, contrary to what I thought, I realized that I am not in love with you. I love you as a friend, not as the man of my life.193Please respect copyright.PENANA61MSBHGJjL
— And did you realize how you felt, before or after falling in love with Jessy ? He get angry again. It’s not over Meg ! I'm sure this guy is hiding something and trust me I'll find out what it is ! You will come back to me Meg ! 193Please respect copyright.PENANAZ6NpSAow6Q
— Chad ! Chad ! 193Please respect copyright.PENANA1lDojy2FR0
But it's too late, he's already slammed the door behind him.193Please respect copyright.PENANAAvcaHgwKZu
I feel relieved to finally have been able to put into words what had bothered me since the beginning of our story, but I am also worried at the thought of Chad discovering Jessy's secret. I hope his threats are out of anger and that after he calms down he will realize their stupidity.193Please respect copyright.PENANAlO67rqZWbI
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In the afternoon, I head back to school and smile as soon as I see Jessy arriving in the main hallway.193Please respect copyright.PENANAWpH6YJroVM
— You’ve decided to come back, I comment.193Please respect copyright.PENANAIRkhhalQnB
— Yeah, I don’t want Chad to think he’s got the upper hand on me, he replies as we walk down the hall towards our class.193Please respect copyright.PENANAzFBMPRPTSY
— Good choice. But I need to talk to you.193Please respect copyright.PENANAUtDXubp5cK
Without waiting, I pull him by his jacket away from the crowd of students and lead him into a corner near the boys' bathroom. I don't want anyone to hear our exchange.193Please respect copyright.PENANAwRFiqFeDln
— What is happening ? He asks me, frowning.193Please respect copyright.PENANAWvDI7vAIbo
— Chad was at my house when I got home.193Please respect copyright.PENANAFbFQW23TuH
— Okay, he says slowly.193Please respect copyright.PENANAJbGHFUnIUd
— I broke up with him, I admit abruptly.193Please respect copyright.PENANAJVoXduguXs
His already piercing gaze locks on mine and never lets go. I wish I could drown in it but I only have a short time before the bell rings.193Please respect copyright.PENANA6Slb3wIJk3
— He is very angry with you. He thinks you made me dump him.193Please respect copyright.PENANAg77ikezWdf
— I have never done that ! He writes to himself, shocked.193Please respect copyright.PENANAJ4IRWX2HYZ
— I know that perfectly, but I think he's looking for someone to blame for our breakup, when there's no one to blame. We're not meant for each other, that's all. Anyway, he told me you're hiding something and he's going to find out what it is. So be careful, okay ? 193Please respect copyright.PENANAVS8e1X7zsE
— Yeah.193Please respect copyright.PENANAzxcrYEXoDJ
He leans against the wall behind him and whispers, with tears in his eyes : 193Please respect copyright.PENANAsXnP68to8d
— I don't want it to start again like in my old school, I couldn't stand it.193Please respect copyright.PENANAF47IyCky8V
Seeing him abandon his armor in favor of sincerity upsets me beyond words. In these moments of fragility, I meet the real Jessy, not the one who takes a cold attitude to send me away but the sensitive boy who has suffered too much.193Please respect copyright.PENANAbAdSTPyBq2
— That won’t happen, I reassure him. You are not alone here, I am your friend, I will always be here no matter what happens.193Please respect copyright.PENANAFeflU1iPK5
— Thanks Meg. I thought about what you told me earlier, about the support group for HIV— positive people. I called my doctor to ask for the contact details of the center.193Please respect copyright.PENANAVxVdMXFrTT
— Great, I smile. It will help you to talk with people who have the same virus as you, you will certainly be able to help each other.193Please respect copyright.PENANAgkRhO7QnnH
— I don’t really believe it, but I’m going to try to go to a meeting, he said, resuming a distant attitude. So maybe you'll let go of me a little ! 193Please respect copyright.PENANAKOAmCUd7pq
The bell which announces the resumption of classes interrupts our discussion.193Please respect copyright.PENANAkOu2bdfiYo
— Here, I said, handing him my notes. That way you'll be up to date on math.193Please respect copyright.PENANAaTqrcnPsoZ
— Thanks Megan. Sometimes it’s good to have you in my life ! 193Please respect copyright.PENANAbEUnwImvxx
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The last bell announcing the end of the day has barely sounded before a rumor invades the establishment. I'm putting my things in my locker when I hear whispers about Jessy. I turn to him who is standing a little further away in front of his locker. He lowers his head, shoulders hunched and lips pursed.193Please respect copyright.PENANAn0TrYfogIh
Around us, the students murmur among themselves, stunned. At the time, AIDS was still a little— known disease; we were only in the early stages of medical research. There are lots of rumors about how and why this disease spreads, but the truth is that people still know very little about it. The only things we know for sure are that AIDS is scary and deadly. All eyes are fixed on Jessy, those who pass behind him move aside to make sure not to touch him.193Please respect copyright.PENANAErziUasbRN
A student I vaguely know passes in front of me, I intercept him to ask him what this new rumor is.193Please respect copyright.PENANAn3V8Dak8oB
— You are not aware ? Jessy Sutter, the new student, he has AIDS and what's more, he's homosexual ! He announces to me proudly. Above all, don't go near him, you never know.193Please respect copyright.PENANAXi4x2pIX9S
I don't have time to send him away, he's already moved away.193Please respect copyright.PENANA4VakWn6VNr
I look at Jessy again. He raises his head, fixes me with a burning look of anger before leaving the school as quickly as possible.193Please respect copyright.PENANAt1uBdbf9qe
I do not understand anything. How can everyone know ? One thing is certain, given Jessy's fury, he thinks I betrayed him.193Please respect copyright.PENANAGAOP1h3CgS
I rush after him but when I get outside, he has already disappeared.193Please respect copyright.PENANALG04FMam8u
193Please respect copyright.PENANAsuDC0cptMk
193Please respect copyright.PENANAIvdcgsI5bq
After looking for Jessy all over town for what seemed like hours, imagining him alone, depressed, I gathered up my courage and went to his house. The door opens to reveal his mother.193Please respect copyright.PENANAULpHrNkHxD
— Hello, she greets me kindly.193Please respect copyright.PENANAaUcS1qqD0F
From the first glance, I feel that she is an understanding woman. Her long blond hair and green eyes identical to those of her son reflect the gentleness that I also detect in Jessy.193Please respect copyright.PENANAKK1d1sr7q4
— Good morning. Is Jessy there ? 193Please respect copyright.PENANAEnddCeX0D5
— No. You're Megan, right ? 193Please respect copyright.PENANAAsywTUBwyp
I nod in agreement.193Please respect copyright.PENANAozlYvN0yjy
— Jessy told me about you.193Please respect copyright.PENANAA6fYUIjujP
— I've been looking for him everywhere since school ended, hasn't he come back ? 193Please respect copyright.PENANAk1iclBcb4i
— No, I have not seen it. He must be walking somewhere now that everyone knows Jessy is infected.193Please respect copyright.PENANAUaeYTSu825
I look at her, surprised that she was able to guess, she continues : 193Please respect copyright.PENANAoKABBERWqz
— I received a call from the school. Apparently, parents of students learned of the rumor and immediately reported it to the school administration. I am called this evening to talk about my son's state of health and to see if he can continue his education in this establishment.193Please respect copyright.PENANATxWP2pM9Zo
— My God, this is nonsense ! 193Please respect copyright.PENANA2yBnAfMCRy
— Unfortunately that's what happens when people know Jessy has AIDS. Everywhere he goes, he is rejected. This has happened before in Allentown, and it's happening again here. Everyone is afraid of being contaminated by simple contact, even my husband can't stand living under the same roof as him.193Please respect copyright.PENANAGJBfxDwI7a
Mrs. Sutter shakes her head as if her thoughts could evaporate with that gesture.193Please respect copyright.PENANA2qgth9xsvJ
— It is so unfair. I need to talk to him. Contrary to what he thinks, I did not betray him. I don't know how his secret was revealed. You don't know where he might be ? 193Please respect copyright.PENANAAhGmuMT2Bt
— He sometimes leaves alone for hours.193Please respect copyright.PENANAs49n9gUg1c
— You are never afraid that he…193Please respect copyright.PENANAfZBqpCz4aE
Mrs. Sutter looks at me as if to say, “Would that be worse than what awaits him ?”193Please respect copyright.PENANAr6KUC0q0LD
I thank her and go home, totally dejected. Not only do all students now have to know about Jessy's condition, but even the administration is threatening not to keep him.193Please respect copyright.PENANAK1DXPvQNVF
When I walk through the door of my house, night begins to fall. I hear my parents talking.193Please respect copyright.PENANAoUN4E87D8w
— Meg, it’s you ? 193Please respect copyright.PENANAR7lowYm5Df
— Yes Dad.193Please respect copyright.PENANAA0fGdpN3Uu
— Can you come ? 193Please respect copyright.PENANAoZdsTYUVyU
I walk down the hallway and into the kitchen, where my parents are sitting around the table.193Please respect copyright.PENANAI2E5IIglwe
— Nina told us what is being said around town about Jessy. Is it true ? 193Please respect copyright.PENANAxsCJ6Gtnrp
I nod silently.193Please respect copyright.PENANAFzWRGBAjMj
— How long have you known that ? Ask my mother.193Please respect copyright.PENANAJS6Nn6shrh
— Since the other evening, when he stayed to eat. He admitted it to me when I took him home.193Please respect copyright.PENANA6lXr4qsltk
— You could have told us about it ! My father points out.193Please respect copyright.PENANAwLHuj41AWk
— I told him I wouldn't tell anyone. I didn't want to break my word...193Please respect copyright.PENANAYkc2o7XMFN
— Then how…193Please respect copyright.PENANAAuoHiZztXC
— You can believe me mom, I keep asking myself that question. I only see one answer : Chad. This afternoon, he was very upset with Jessy and promised to find his secret. However, I don't know how he found out about it.193Please respect copyright.PENANADNxJYy3ok6
— Is it true that Chad fought with Jessy because you wanted to talk to him ? 193Please respect copyright.PENANAtx5i3CTjry
I nod.193Please respect copyright.PENANAJbDgDuXW2R
— Chad wanted to force me into the snack bar, Jessy intervened to defend me.193Please respect copyright.PENANAigRbxCikqy
My response makes my father clench his fists and he says : 193Please respect copyright.PENANAvcHQFv0H9I
— He loses nothing by knowing what I think of his way of fighting like that and the rest.193Please respect copyright.PENANAk07rS1gI2Z
— Are you aware that Mrs. Sutter has been summoned to high school ? 193Please respect copyright.PENANA15SuX3jSMK
In front of my parents' questioning looks, I tell them the words of Jessy's mother.193Please respect copyright.PENANAAWaVLRvHle
My mother makes a few phone calls and tells us : 193Please respect copyright.PENANA684eRcPsmt
— The parents’ council is meeting this evening with the administration. Officially, they can't fire Jessy because he's sick, but they can send a report to the academy who will judge what to do in such a circumstance.193Please respect copyright.PENANAwGDZ0ctATK
Seeing my dismayed face, my father said to me : 193Please respect copyright.PENANADpmGIkWvMY
— Don’t worry, darling. We will go to this meeting and we will support Ms. Sutter. It will be fine.193Please respect copyright.PENANA0Isw8Isq4x
Less convinced than my father, I go into the garden and sit on the swing. Alone with my thoughts, I realize that I have suddenly aged. Before I met Jessy, I was a carefree kid with few worries, but now I see life differently. And to think that it’s only been ten days since Chad’s party. I wanted to become an adult, I'm served ! 193Please respect copyright.PENANAhVpXBtH6ol
Jessie, where are you ? I sigh, mulling over the latest events. I don't hear Nina open the back door.193Please respect copyright.PENANAyyAme8OYYw
— I was wondering where you were, she says, making me jump. The parents are out, Chad is there. He wants to see you.193Please respect copyright.PENANApRg9tZjkJZ
I sigh again. After what happened this afternoon, I still don't want to talk to him. But he doesn't wait to hear my opinion before following my sister who, feeling the storm brewing in the sky as much as with my ex-boyfriend, slips away.193Please respect copyright.PENANAGOHqtICLxf
— I came to apologize for my behavior this morning. If I had known Jessy was gay, I wouldn't have been jealous of you talking to him.193Please respect copyright.PENANAyKSYmRKQTU
I huff, exasperated. Chad looks at me, I see the incomprehension on his face.193Please respect copyright.PENANAvWObmSrDEe
— He is not homosexual. It was a girl who infected him ! 193Please respect copyright.PENANAdX7Y3RE2vG
— Sorry, but how could I have known ? You don't tell me anything anymore ! 193Please respect copyright.PENANAhnfkJvnbwA
— Sorry, but when someone tells me a secret, I do my best to keep it. Were you the one who revealed Jessy's illness to everyone ? 193Please respect copyright.PENANAt7KD5DzOUs
His false innocent appearance betrays him even before he confesses. I think I see a little boy having done something stupid with his hands in his pants pockets, squirming for words. Even when we were children, he behaved this way. His attitude makes my anger explode.193Please respect copyright.PENANAY7fIR1NtBP
— It's about time you grew up, Chad ! You are so immature at times ! Do you realize that now everyone knows about their state of health ? That he might be kicked out of school ? That you're ruining his life ? But no, you don’t care as long as you make him pay for my breakup ! 193Please respect copyright.PENANAZ4B2wOTe5g
Annoyed, he lowers his head. This attitude annoys me even more.193Please respect copyright.PENANAnynx829Xep
— I know, I screwed up. But if you had told me everything...193Please respect copyright.PENANA5sJG7dZsHU
I give him a murderous look. He's old enough to know how to behave.193Please respect copyright.PENANAvIKkmTryCk
— Don’t ever ask me why I broke up with you again ! If you want to have an answer, look at yourself in the mirror... That is, if you can ! 193Please respect copyright.PENANAjD2kzMHuFt
— You don't even realize that since he arrived in town, you have completely ignored me ! Chad gets angry in turn.193Please respect copyright.PENANAZdsJiXd5KI
— It’s nothing to do with it ! I'm the guilty one, the one who understood that we are too different. Jessy had nothing to do with our relationship ! 193Please respect copyright.PENANAtRH7jiBjpV
— I know, he whispers. I heard him say it this afternoon.193Please respect copyright.PENANAfjaYV312Wg
My eyes must be as round as saucers because Chad continues : 193Please respect copyright.PENANAJcPGDD2sp4
— I was behind the bathroom door when you were talking. I heard your conversation, that’s how I knew.193Please respect copyright.PENANAWEV0JESouZ
— Oh my God ! 193Please respect copyright.PENANA9aC1n6yp3A
With tears in my eyes, I place my hands over my mouth.193Please respect copyright.PENANAxFYNg4ZAII
— I’m sorry Meg. I didn't want things to go this far.193Please respect copyright.PENANAQ1LuSkZlDy
— And you rushed to repeat it to the whole school ? 193Please respect copyright.PENANAEd3TGEwbFf
— I only told a few friends but it spread quickly. I really blame myself.193Please respect copyright.PENANAy0olMIf0vW
My eyes filled with tears, I whisper : 193Please respect copyright.PENANAmlizns30PX
— You can.193Please respect copyright.PENANA054u2GGrON
— You’ll never want me again after this, will you ? 193Please respect copyright.PENANAgXCNTN67xU
I shake my head.193Please respect copyright.PENANASE7UL1NTUZ
— You disappointed me a lot, Chad. You are still my friend but I no longer trust you. I'm sorry.193Please respect copyright.PENANAozpWph1H5l
— You don’t have to be, it’s my fault. I went way too far. The role of the jealous boyfriend doesn't work for me, he smiles sadly. Do you want us to remain friends ? 193Please respect copyright.PENANA4zu84dR9PR
I nod in agreement. I know that after digesting these events, I will forgive him. I can't not have him in my life, he's been part of it for too long.193Please respect copyright.PENANAw4EKSDilx8
Chad is about to enter the house again when, turning around, he says to me : 193Please respect copyright.PENANAGid3eeb9K1
— By the way, if you're looking for Jessy, it seems he hangs out near the bridge over the highway.193Please respect copyright.PENANAuBwCQsCtdj
As soon as Chad leaves, I put on my black parka and head in the direction he told me. Night has now fallen, the air is heavy, the storm threatens to break out at any moment. I hurry the three kilometers, running half the way. I arrive on the bridge, out of breath, but happy to see Jessy there. It is a narrow bridge, reserved for pedestrians, it allows us to reach a corner of the forest which encircles the city. Jessy paces along the steel guardrail, watching the cars and trucks speeding by on the dual carriageway just below. His face is half lit by the streetlights placed all along the highway. He turns to me as I approach.193Please respect copyright.PENANAxzhfSNJJE1
— What are you doing here ? 193Please respect copyright.PENANA238SdN61vg
His tone is dry.193Please respect copyright.PENANAizvBdP6JjS
— I've been looking for you for hours.193Please respect copyright.PENANAXsvUOOgXJA
— Well, you found me. You see, I'm still alive, you can go back now.193Please respect copyright.PENANAZNwH3jiywk
— I'm sorry for what happened. I discussed it with Chad, he was the one who spread the rumor.193Please respect copyright.PENANAjamIeaR0ju
— So you came so that I could forgive him ? 193Please respect copyright.PENANAIgWs8HhcG7
I look at him, incredulous; However, I have to admit that he is not entirely wrong. I wish we could all be friends, but I know that is a utopian vision of our friendship. However, even if she is often embarrassing for his interlocutors, I like Jessy's frankness.193Please respect copyright.PENANA4OCZ5y8svz
— I came because I'm afraid for you. It's late, come home with me.193Please respect copyright.PENANAYbmeHRJNu8
Jessy looks at me with a disillusioned look but doesn't answer. He starts walking along the railing again, moving away from me. He seems hypnotized by the vehicles passing beneath our feet.193Please respect copyright.PENANAOWFRWgsymi
— Ever since I’ve known you, you’ve spent your time moving away. Why are you running away from everyone ? 193Please respect copyright.PENANA41L9v58nlR
I shout to cover the sound of a heavy truck passing below.193Please respect copyright.PENANAlDj3agQr3l
Suddenly a lightning bolt tears through the sky. Jessy turns around angrily.193Please respect copyright.PENANAv8Ma2HwL2N
— I'm not running away from anyone ! It's the others who never want me ! 193Please respect copyright.PENANAjOaE2TIUyL
He sits on the railing which is only a few centimeters wide, passes his legs over the air, wraps them around the metal bars. A new flash of lightning illuminates the sky. Despite the heaviness of the night, I tremble and move closer to him to hold him by the back of his jacket.193Please respect copyright.PENANAQcOAdVZL5Y
— Jessy, please. Come back ! You're scaring me ! 193Please respect copyright.PENANArxsl4bFNiV
— I'm a danger to others, Meg ! I'm just on reprieve from this crap ! 193Please respect copyright.PENANAGaP6Dn0DI7
The tone of his voice is no longer charged with anger, but full of despair. It squeezes my heart.193Please respect copyright.PENANAiH2YxTnGKy
— No ! You are not a risk to anyone ! And you are still here, alive and well ! 193Please respect copyright.PENANAlkwpIxMrao
Thunder suddenly cracks, startling me. I move closer to him and tighten my grip.193Please respect copyright.PENANACf1Av6xHz5
— Do you want to know what brought me here ? He says to me, letting go of the railing with his hands.193Please respect copyright.PENANABsuRUejaCV
He opens his arms wide, closes his eyes and falls forward, screaming in rage. Despite my efforts to hold him, his leather jacket slips through my fingers and I let go.193Please respect copyright.PENANAx719dpnc5P
— Jessy, no ! 193Please respect copyright.PENANAtYtNiPtiQs
I scream as loud as I can as I see him fall into the void.193Please respect copyright.PENANAUkvyYlDQeX
I put my hands to my mouth while closing my eyes, not daring to open them because I am so sure that he has thrown himself under the wheels of the vehicles passing underneath. And then I suddenly realize that I care about him much more than I wanted to admit to myself until now. Yes, he's HIV positive, angry at the whole world and he spends a lot of time telling me off and yet, without knowing why yet, I can't help but think about him every minute. Suddenly, I hear him scream again at the same time as thunder cracks near us. I slowly open my eyes to see him hanging by his legs above the void. With a quick movement, he manages to stand up, then sit down again on the railing before coming back to my side. I admire his flexibility as I breathe with relief. He rushes straight towards me angrily.193Please respect copyright.PENANAqhemdP9KIv
— I'm going to die, Meg, my life expectancy is so low that it's not worth living ! 193Please respect copyright.PENANARa32dONn0r
His voice is thick with anger and despair.193Please respect copyright.PENANApBAnH5gruJ
— No, I said, crying. You're not sick and you may never be sick, but you have to keep breathing, keep fighting this shit ! 193Please respect copyright.PENANA0b03yRutNs
— To do what ? What awaits me in this cursed life ? Everyone will start turning their backs on me again, whispering in my way, being afraid of me.193Please respect copyright.PENANAHiHrxI06hZ
Do you think that’s what it’s like to live ? 193Please respect copyright.PENANAPNo0S44Snn
He points to the highway.193Please respect copyright.PENANAa8sRZ5tSK6
— AIDS has already made me fall into a void, vehicles have already crushed me. And none of your prayers or hopes can save me ! he shouts.193Please respect copyright.PENANANJgYIUVW7q
My tears increase in the face of my helplessness. Jessy is going to die, it's just a matter of time and, in this second, I am fully aware of it.193Please respect copyright.PENANAh1JxgGM36q
— This virus is circulating inside me and nothing anyone says or does to me will make it go away ! I will have to live the little time I have left carrying this burden alone ! I can't, I can't take this anymore. Reliving what I experienced in Allentown is beyond my strength ! 193Please respect copyright.PENANAee4HVfT1Fz
He lowers his arms, weariness written on each of his features. Cries that he has had to repress many times flood his face. I go to snuggle up against him, immediately his arms embrace me.193Please respect copyright.PENANAbYmUbOZ5Bn
— I’m here, you’re no longer alone. I'm here Jessy, I repeat to him several times, hoping that my words penetrate his bruised heart.193Please respect copyright.PENANACl9xQtWizq
Above us the storm calms down as the rain unleashes, mixing our tears with those of the sky.
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At the risk of losing you
Author:
Angelique Daniel
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ISSUE #2
Chapter 2 : Staying up
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At the risk of losing you
Drama
Romance
Friendship
Last updated: Dec 24, 2023
Total word count: 99,881
Total reading time: 462 Minutes
Writer:
romance
young-adult
youngadult
romantic
younglove
truelove
illness
aids
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