今天殺手和特務轉行當古董買賣了 - 八十七、陰間奇遇記（完）

「黑白無常！你們說他們在儀器上顯示的顏色一致，代表他們要麼一起活著、要麼一起死掉，難道你們就不懂得分辯那種顏色是死了嗎？！」閻羅王終於耗盡了他的耐性。

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黑白無常：「大王！我們才開始使用這儀器兩天不夠！我們都不清楚！但依我們的感應他是沒死透才對！」

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亞倫：「不對不對，我感覺得到我確實是斷氣了。」

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「大王，我不清楚那個刺客是怎樣，但我的孩子肯定是活著的！」丹倩拼命地解釋。

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亞倫：「對對對，不用理我的說…」

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「混帳！你們究竟是死了還是沒死？！不追究了！反正來都來了，你們兩個去等投胎罷！結案！」閻王憤怒地一拍下驚堂木，堂上瞬間鴉雀無聲。

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亞倫：「對對，這樣才對嘛…欵？不對，兩個嗎？！」

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「大王！求求你！請讓我的孩子回陽間去！求求你…這孩子因為我太早死掉，孩子的爸又不曉得怎麼帶孩子，她已經過得很苦了…大王！我沒甚麼可以給您，但只要你給我的孩子一個機會，就算我永不超生、灰飛煙滅也在所不惜！」畢竟這裏是陰間，丹倩也沒瘋到要對閻王動武，只好不顧一切衝上前五體投地的哀求。

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「媽媽！不可以！是我不對！我說謊了！是那個人叫的！是我的錯、我不回去也罷了！媽媽你不要這樣！」彥嵐立刻上前抓住她的母親，眼角的淚光快要被擠出來。

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亞倫：「……」這良心刺痛的感覺是怎麼回事…？

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「孩子…媽媽對不起你，我是個不合格的母親…如果我還在人世就不會發生這種事了…你不要擔心，這事媽媽會搞定的…」彥嵐感到媽媽緊抱自己的手在顫抖。

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「媽媽…」彥嵐將手抱回去安慰初次見面的媽媽：「不要這麼說…可以的話媽媽也不會想死掉啊…這不是媽媽的錯喔…」

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「孩子…」

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「媽媽…」

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亞倫：「……」嗚…！我的良心…(^ཀ^)

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還是亞倫：「額…辣…辣個…抱歉，是我說謊了，因為我在人間犯了死罪，回去肯定死得更慘，本來想說只要那女孩能回去就罷了，但沒想到會變成這樣…請問還有機會回去嗎…？(¯∇¯٥)/」

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「甚麼？！好大的膽子！竟敢戲弄本王！你當陰間是避難所嗎？！你們現在就給我滾回陽間去！」

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接過閻羅王的命令，丹倩帶著彥嵐和亞倫走向通往陽間的路。

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「算你還有點良心。(¬_¬)」彥嵐對亞倫說。

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「別跟我說話，後悔死我了，我肯定是被聖母附身了！」亞倫抱著頭出自靈魂的吶喊。

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彥嵐：「……」

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彥嵐：「謝啦。」

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「對了，你喜歡絞刑還是砍首？聽說絞刑不會痛，我還可以請認識的人給你在腳上多綁幾個沙包，這樣不管脖子多硬都不會吊在架上死不了，但如果你喜歡砍首的話我也可以給你介紹劊子手，保證一刀搞定不用補刀。(๑･∀･๑)」彥嵐補充道。

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亞倫：「……」

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「小嵐、乖女兒，你對加害者那麼善良該怎麼辦…？媽媽會心痛啊… (ಥ_ಥ)

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喂，還不向我的乖女兒道謝？你可是差點殺了她的混蛋！雖然我的乖女兒對你如此寬容，但我的乖兒子可不會放過你！（⊙谷⊙）」丹倩一手掐著亞倫的臉頰擰向彥嵐，亞倫感覺自己的頭骨快要爆掉。

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亞倫：「…謝…謝…( ´ཀ` )」這怪力女人究竟是甚麼人？好可怕…

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彥嵐：「媽媽和我想的真不一樣呢…(¯∇¯٥)」

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「會嗎？那麼你認為媽媽是怎樣的人？」

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「我以為媽媽會是更嚴肅的人？」

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「是因為你只見過媽媽龕前放的照片吧？那張照片看起來確實有點可怕呢。我告訴你一個秘密吧，家裏最大的雜物房，走到最裏面的角落，有媽媽的照片和遺物--還有爸爸和哥哥以前的照片也在那裏喔。

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好了，乖孩子，你是時候回去了。等你變成老婆婆的時候再回來和媽媽見面吧，我會在這裏看著你的，要幸福地活著給媽媽看喔，知道嗎？」丹倩把二人送到凡間的入口，吻了彥嵐的額頭。

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「嗯，知道了，媽媽。」抱過媽媽之後彥嵐便向着出口的方向離開了，離開時丹倩好像還和亞倫說了幾句話。

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在一片漆黑中，彥嵐恢復了意識，呼吸的感覺、棉被的柔軟、身上的痛楚…她慢慢張開眼睛，光線進入虹膜，她好像沉沉地睡了一覺。

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番外：

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稍早前，亞倫跟著牛頭鬼差去找他的親人。

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他被帶到一個雲上的世界，打開的西式大門高聳入雲，旁邊有大理石材質的柱子，上面寫著「歡迎蒞臨天堂」。

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亞倫疑惑地看著鬼差：「這裏寫著『天堂』欵，我踏進去真的沒問題嗎？(ー_ー )」

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牛頭鬼差也疑惑地聳聳肩膀：「沒問題吧…？？是他們叫我把你帶來的…」

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這時，幾個裸體金色卷髮長翅膀的嬰兒小天使正笨拙地提著一個男人飛向亞倫，在遠處就聽到那個人迷惘的聲音：「額？突然怎麼了？？我正要去約會欵！！！兒子？？？甚麼兒子？？？我沒有小孩啊？？？？」

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那個男人看著還算人模人樣，就是穿得花俏了點，看著比亞倫年輕個幾年。

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「欵！等一下等一下！別把我帶出這個門口！！！我這年輕帥氣的臉蛋撐不到外面！！！停下來！停下來！」任那個男人怎麼掙扎崩潰，幾個小天使依舊一臉幸福地提著他飛。

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果不其然，一踏出那個大門口，「呯」的一聲，伴著少許煙霧，那個人模人樣的青年立即變成剩下幾顆牙的殘舊老伯。

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亞倫：「……」

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小天使：「先生，這是你的兒子喲~(´ ∀ `)~♥」

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「啊…兒子？我和誰的？」老伯摸著下巴認真地看著亞倫的臉：「你媽媽是誰？你臉上的疤痕太破相害我想不起來了，讓我猜猜…難道你媽媽是安娜？」

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見亞倫沒有反應，他便繼續猜：「瑪利亞？瑪利？露西亞？愛琳？戴安娜？蘇菲亞？莫利？蘭西？維多利亞？艾沙？…（以下省略二十個人名）」

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「哎呀！究竟是誰！兒子啊，我認輸了，告訴我好嗎？你長得肯定不像媽媽，不然我怎會沒印象…」

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亞倫：我是白痴，居然還有點期待(-_-ꐦ)

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番外完

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