"Nothing heals heartbreak like screaming Olivia Rodrigo at full volume."
From: [email protected]54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhl6LLUDvBY
To: [email protected]54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUGT8vxdXb5
Subject: pettiest playlist of the year goes to… me
eli.54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdRRLPaJAhs
i made a playlist titled “for when your groupmate uses comic sans and your faith in humanity breaks.”54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwsQTTQ6s9j
i’m currently scream-singing to track 4 while eating cereal with a fork because all my spoons are in the sink.54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP8hsHFTIHw
it’s a mood.
– maya54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgsDn50Qymd
sad. dramatic. cereal-forking.
From: [email protected]54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Uv5VGjhFO
To: [email protected]54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsve6kFRLnE
Subject: cereal fork is a vibe
maya.54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNrkZecHhzF
track 4 better be “good 4 u” or i’m calling the authorities.54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMk3XvTYxpK
also, the fork thing is valid. i once drank iced coffee with a knife. no regrets.54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdYR68r5wCF
send me the playlist. for... peer review.
– eli54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzgaH1C2Y5S
music snob, chaos enabler
From: [email protected]54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRvadKVgjcS
To: [email protected]54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi1FjnOfEKs
Subject: attached: rage therapy 💕
okay you asked for it.54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRz09X1U7qL
enjoy: [https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4mtUmL00VaYfC0gkEH0Odt?si=uPQWcd-5RuGOfoOppIcfQg] “dear god why do men” — a playlist in five stages of grief, three accidental crushes, and one cup of weaponized spite.
tracklist highlights:
misery business – paramore
better than revenge – taylor swift
good 4 u – olivia rodrigo
brutal – also olivia, my queen
should’ve said no – taylor again, obviously
kill bill – sza (i don’t condone murder, but i vibe)
– maya54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9q0rhhIwuN
the most dramatic person you never met
From: [email protected]54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv97MzJJSx9
To: [email protected]54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkwK0eNrWx3
Subject: playlist review: violently iconic
maya.54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3BEi3n9Ege
i have goosebumps.54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyneoniDttK
i want to fight someone. i don’t even know who. but i’m hyped.54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡapNV3BeaOo
“kill bill” came on and i almost texted my ex “good luck.”54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrGoTtAInHV
i didn’t. but spiritually, i did.
also: “dear god why do men” deserves a grammy for best emotional support.
– eli54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu903JjrN5Y
threatened. inspired.
From: [email protected]54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2XyvbZ4JWh
To: [email protected]54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5NcJqk0cQh
Subject: so we’re rage soulmates now?
eli,54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPzFsEuYBXV
you passed the vibe check.54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlHyO96C1tZ
you didn’t question my musical angst or my cereal fork.54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfmKbT1cfyG
this feels like the start of something irrationally comforting.
ps: have you ever cried to phoebe bridgers in a parking lot or is that just me?
– maya54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFGu8tkWc4g
emotionally stable adjacent
From: [email protected]54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZp0XYRTAb7
To: [email protected]54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf1TA7hizA5
Subject: phoebe bridgers made me cry at the DMV
maya.54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfb59M3XxU6
“motion sickness” came on. i was holding a ticket that said A132.54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsxMF2NrlzA
i did cry.54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmyWbrtgrRb
the security guard offered me a tissue and a mint.
so yes. we’re bonded now.
– eli54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡguJGcYIC7O
co-president, feelings club
From: [email protected]54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn4OmoXIRum
To: [email protected]54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUMQQdKKAhf
Subject: certified mood
i would like to formally nominate you as:
my email pen pal
my official heartbreak soundtrack consultant
and co-author of “texts we never sent but emotionally screamed”
it’s a growing resume. benefits include emotional chaos and unsolicited memes.
– maya54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPwQZFKHxL5
possibly your new internet pen friend
From: [email protected]54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFmaplGPSYz
To: [email protected]54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8qkEYy4s5R
Subject: i accept the role
with great inbox comes great responsibility.54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw37N7zAEdQ
you send the songs, i’ll send the sarcasm.54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm74mcbQcpO
together we’re like...54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxs6wBPW2X1
the emotional avengers.54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRXepBM82gn
no capes though. just playlists.
– eli54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpwsZMpSyQG
ready to rage, reply, repeat
Attachment: Liner Notes from Eli Martin54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLcMrFTEnr7
🎧 “dear god why do men” – Reviewed
📝 liner notes by eli, who has clearly felt too much and judged too many fonts
Track 1: Misery Business – Paramore54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIWePEjb39d
this track made me want to break up with someone i’m not dating.54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0RuO67kNu8
⭐ rage level: 9.5/10
Track 2: Better Than Revenge – Taylor Swift54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU7kh6gwhIB
may have shouted “she’s not a saint!” at a squirrel.54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3ChZbj8ijB
⭐ sass factor: 11/10
Track 3: good 4 u – Olivia Rodrigo54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxCBySJCyKz
screamed into a spoon. felt better.54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsJEkLC1Gjk
⭐ catharsis: 10/10
Track 4: brutal – Olivia Rodrigo54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDh1UvysKNT
i knocked over a lamp. worth it.54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3nEF9NQqXd
⭐ chaos energy: unmeasurable
Track 5: should’ve said no – Taylor Swift54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkdsIgVSfDh
the rain cried for me.54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQSDf1uDmWW
⭐ drama: peak
Track 6: Kill Bill – SZA54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxcS1t3P8CX
i do not condone murder. but i understand.54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYkMWFL6DY4
⭐ emotional weaponry: activated
Final thoughts:54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ33GkaCx1nD
this playlist isn't therapy. it's exorcism.54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx2kvGv5b9h
i feel seen, personally attacked, and spiritually lighter.54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJFeMrcIKhD
maya, if you ever make another one — please consider me your chaos consultant.
– eli54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVKSjyApwnr
officially unwell in a poetic way
and then Add to home screen.