Naming you... was arduous. Utterly excruciating. Every name that came to mind sounded too sweet.
It gave me shudders. Too ordinary. Too tainted by centuries of stories and associations, whose sentimental ballast repulsed me and which I had no wish to be reminded of.27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGu0nJbQYCQ
Humans name things to bring order to chaos. They name the things they fear to get a grip on them. Demons. Diseases. Babies.27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Q5WSjhawG
And yet, language is always power.27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsjrdyLEZNM
Consider the shrewd negotiator at the market, the eloquent diplomat, or the sweet words of a lover who accomplishes more with a whispered "please" than with a thousand swords.
A name can lead to glory or to a lifelong curse.27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFoJbyGAcS1
Barely born, and already everything depends on how deranged your guardians are.27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8yvXJzJyvp
I mean, just imagine it. A screaming bundle. Incapable of thought, incapable of making its own decisions. And then someone comes along and, with full conviction, names it "Gunhilda."
Or "Egbert." The name of a man who still has breadcrumbs from breakfast in his beard and listens with moist reverence to last week's sermon.
Or "Hildegard." Makes you wish the child had remained nameless.
And then all these saintly names for the common folk: "Hieronymus," "Benedikta," "Theophilus." As if divine grace could be summoned by a baptism certificate. Ridiculous.
I couldn't assign you to one of those name-bearing tragedies. Such names stick.27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2nkkyOumQy
And in the end people would have thought I was responsible for a "Milburga".27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡprhZPHx5nS
I'd rather perish in sunlight than be associated with that kind of public disgrace.27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpRlOvOTFkn
A name can force something unformed into something tangible.27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBgRIcw6v1r
And that was precisely the problem.27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp0fjVU2eLQ
You were unformed. You were nothing tangible. You were an anomaly.27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ89vl6nTIz5
A little question mark with hunger.
I couldn't call you "the child" forever. I tried. For days.
"Stop howling, child."27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡni16qph63M
"Come here, child."27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSTNvSjPTAI
"Sleep now, child."
But eventually, one night, I found it. The scroll was brittle, eaten through by mold spores, the edges crusted with wax.27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmjQNlZVeLi
A ragtag collection of forgotten theories, half-alchemical blood mysticism, and name etymologies from ancient houses, bound together by someone with little care.27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6VDO5QDPkN
I read it while you slept, and I didn't know what to do with myself.
And then my gaze fell upon it.27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0zMaRlgrzQ
Leonora.27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGMLPIcWJfv
I frowned. A clear sound. Melodic. Aristocratic. Almost too beautiful.
In a footnote, barely legible among the faded lines of ink, it read:27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwgPPrdmFRR
"Leonora, presumably from Alienor, Old Provencal. Meaning: the stranger. She who does not belong."
I paused. The stranger. Not belonging.27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBGEE0dxrrX
I looked down at you. A bundle of blankets, with those large, dark eyes that sometimes studied me as if you weren't helpless but aware. Aware in the deepest sense.27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmQCaNEoHck
A name that doesn't promise to belong, but refuses to.27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7zGp0vQp5S
I smirked. "Of course you are."
Finally, a name that didn't drip with optimism from every orifice.27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBlyoOsc6Q3
But I kept reading. Unfortunately.
"Later folk etymologies also suggest: 'the luminous,' related to ancient Greek eleos, light, mercy."
I stared at the words.27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcE4GtoptnC
Light. Mercy.
My eyes rolled in irritation, and I felt offended by the implication.27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRXl4YTl0E2
My mouth drooped. I pulled a face as if someone had served me poorly spiced wine.
"Of course. No name remains untainted," I muttered, exasperated.27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY96YSYozgr
I should have torn the parchment. But I didn't.27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdkRp2NT1Wj
Leonora. At least it didn't sound like some cheesy village milkmaid.27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvJsUChPrHg
I slowly rolled it up and placed it on my knees. Bent over your basket, sighed. Still not entirely convinced.
I read it a second time. Leonora.27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPHgToA1915
"The luminous," I whispered and laughed softly. Of course. Of all things.27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoaCWhYpUNF
A name like the brightest candle in a godforsaken crypt.27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3kn38LOBBX
I should have discarded it. Should have kept looking until something darker, more fitting, imposed itself. But I didn't.27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMT4lcx0bl5
Because I remembered my own thought from weeks ago:
What happens when darkness raises a sunbeam?
I leaned over your basket. "Leonora," I said, tonelessly.27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9wv9Y0B70q
"Then be the light. I'll see if you blind me someday."
You cooed. I raised an eyebrow.27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡosWh5mSv9E
"Don't get too used to it. Names are masks, little one. Now sleep."
But I said it again. And again. And again. Until it no longer felt like a foreign object in my mouth.27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFE8dOkhEyX
But like you.27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVNSlESr4oV
27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBNlQHqDZhv
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