— No, I don't feel like it.128Please respect copyright.PENANATypOh4yMc4
— But yes, it will be fun.128Please respect copyright.PENANAQFbp2NbIt6
— What's the funny thing about going to school on a day when there's no class ? 128Please respect copyright.PENANA6tEa1PlLON
We have one of those discussions where I try to convince him to come out. This time, I set my sights on the Halloween party that the school organizes like every year on the evening of October 31st.128Please respect copyright.PENANAQLChN8t6Rq
I thought about his question for a moment. How can I make him give in this time ? 128Please respect copyright.PENANAaWVvm33lmu
— The classes will be emptied of their desks. There will be entertainment, sweets… a ball.128Please respect copyright.PENANAYM0gC1WtaR
He raises an eyebrow and makes me understand that this is not a given.128Please respect copyright.PENANAmHeeHZNwvR
— Do you see me dancing ? ! 128Please respect copyright.PENANAy0f2pi3cXg
I ignore his reply and continue mischievously : 128Please respect copyright.PENANACZP0xEOCXf
— We will be disguised, and you can annoy everyone who criticizes you from behind. Why else do you think I would go ? 128Please respect copyright.PENANABHgTSPV3Q2
I can see by his expression that I have a point.128Please respect copyright.PENANA1DkZdjA5BT
— Hello, Megan.128Please respect copyright.PENANAUxBAhU8HN2
— Hello, Elise, are you well ? 128Please respect copyright.PENANArjZIR2PN6i
I spend so much time with Jessy that I have become very close to Mrs. Sutter. She is always happy to see me at their place and invites me to come whenever I want. I feel a bit like home there.128Please respect copyright.PENANAaWPgcOW7hW
— Where will you go in disguise ? Asks Elise who heard my last sentence.128Please respect copyright.PENANAHju69zvTNv
— At the high school Halloween party.128Please respect copyright.PENANAoaXfbQVuck
— Good idea ! 128Please respect copyright.PENANApoFPhOQxLh
With one look, Jessy glares at his mother. Mrs. Sutter places a laundry basket on the dining room table where we are and begins to fold the clothes. I grab a T-shirt and spread it on the table to help him.128Please respect copyright.PENANA9bMbB0dEN8
— It will do you good to go out and have fun, you stay too cooped up here ruminating.128Please respect copyright.PENANACgEHWdLS5Q
— I like to be alone with my thoughts, Jessy defends, grabbing the T-shirt I’m holding in my hands.128Please respect copyright.PENANAznGQoCKCFq
— Luckily you're here, Meg, otherwise he'd never leave his room.128Please respect copyright.PENANAjMTybpUVYo
I grab another piece of clothing and start folding it.128Please respect copyright.PENANAFsu64idt85
— Mom, stop. It’s okay, you win, I’ll go to the damn party ! But Meg, please stop worrying about my clothes ! 128Please respect copyright.PENANAARkY70aOXh
I look down at the item of clothing I'm holding : it's one of his boxers. I let go immediately, but I already feel my cheeks turning red. Jessy grabs it and hides it behind his back. His face is as red as mine.128Please respect copyright.PENANAQLogQYHTNY
— Sorry… I’m… so used to doing it… at home, I said, stuttering.128Please respect copyright.PENANA2KKhZNv8BR
Mrs. Sutter bursts out laughing as she watches us.128Please respect copyright.PENANAlTuq9E0McG
— Mission accomplished, she comes to high five me.128Please respect copyright.PENANAoXckEUw0E2
— What are we going to disguise ourselves as ? 128Please respect copyright.PENANAZ19HFK8Xdo
— There's no way I'm going to wear a suit ! 128Please respect copyright.PENANAMJN8sPU7lz
Jessy responds quickly, looking at us in turn.128Please respect copyright.PENANAtdNxSywyWU
128Please respect copyright.PENANAYO3Mm5h7Fq
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The next week, we're in the main hallway of the school during break time, talking about the Halloween party. I keep trying to convince Jessy to dress up but he remains stubborn.128Please respect copyright.PENANA1ZtPmxKBKT
— I could see you as James Dean, I think out loud as I look at him.128Please respect copyright.PENANAdG8Ow5yDAM
— Is it because I'm going to die young like him ? 128Please respect copyright.PENANAT4FFjdojV0
Immediately, I grimace.128Please respect copyright.PENANA3urAgXGVNj
— Stop with that ! I was thinking of James because you are handsome and sexy like him but if you prefer to see the negative side...128Please respect copyright.PENANAHrnKzEdq2t
— I was joking, he smiled. Beautiful and sexy, huh ? 128Please respect copyright.PENANAuHDzZTnmwZ
I roll my eyes, smiling as my cheeks turn red. My words came out before I could hold them back. In Jessy's presence, I feel like I'm losing my composure. It is enough for him to stare at me with those beautiful green eyes for my mouth to respond without having the approval of my brain.128Please respect copyright.PENANAk0GMWHek0y
— I’m dreaming where your cheeks are all red, he mocks, pointing to my face with his index finger.128Please respect copyright.PENANAJYgvuHSK3v
I give him a little tap on the arm which makes him burst out laughing. I love hearing this sound. I have seen him so angry, sullen, lonely, that when he laughs I am happy.128Please respect copyright.PENANA7clL8Qxvhl
— At times, you remind me of my brother. You have the same dubious humor every…128Please respect copyright.PENANAtMR9CX8y8r
I leave my sentence hanging as my smile freezes when I see Amy passing near us. She gives me an icy look and completely ignores Jessy.128Please respect copyright.PENANAn8oYh0LDMk
— Why is Amy looking at you like that ? Jessy asks me.128Please respect copyright.PENANAMhogrcbLdS
I turn to him, trying to ignore my former friend. I don't want her to realize how much her attitude hurts and disappoints me.128Please respect copyright.PENANA20DvidZDOI
— I don't know. Since I'm no longer with Chad, she doesn't speak to me anymore. To think that she was my best friend... As children, we were all together often : Chad, Amy and me. And today, I feel like I've lost a part of my past.128Please respect copyright.PENANA8c7cXpIdqx
— People change and evolve differently over the years. She'll come back to you one of these days.128Please respect copyright.PENANAeCj5uxTPsW
— You think ? I ask him, hoping he's telling the truth.128Please respect copyright.PENANAkDVVghuJeO
— I'm sure. Who could give up a friend like you ? 128Please respect copyright.PENANAaheGlmxkfv
— Yeah, a friend, I breathe with annoyance while scrutinizing him.128Please respect copyright.PENANAa58NQ0WFhm
I would really like him to see me as something other than his friend.128Please respect copyright.PENANAJUUUUmPaJa
— And with Chad, where are you ? He questions casually.128Please respect copyright.PENANAwkBkt4RqkV
— Nowhere. We haven't spoken in several weeks. I turned the page on him. On the other hand, I continue by staring at him. There are three other boys who asked me on a date.128Please respect copyright.PENANAwb6yzlhVSm
Am I dreaming or has his expression suddenly changed ? He lowers his face, staring at the ground as if it holds all the answers in the universe.128Please respect copyright.PENANAekKM9JUAGR
— Did you agree to go out with them ? He whispers in a strangled voice.128Please respect copyright.PENANABksG5VBHv2
— No, I refused. You're the only guy I want to spend time with at the moment.128Please respect copyright.PENANAtTaCptEDWq
Suddenly, he lifts his face and smiles. I observe him carefully. Maybe he doesn't really see me as a friend after all. It’s enough to make me smile again.128Please respect copyright.PENANAeC7jVRO0nD
— You and Chad broke up shortly after I arrived in town, but there was one thing that struck me from the few times I saw you together.128Please respect copyright.PENANAhySkftMzgW
— Ah good ? What ? 128Please respect copyright.PENANAkesElLypRI
— The distance there was between you. I mean, you were never in each other's arms or making a move to touch each other.128Please respect copyright.PENANAToePMri7Nz
— Is that what you did with your exes ? 128Please respect copyright.PENANAywi5rwxMmU
I scrutinize him to read his reaction which does not take long : 128Please respect copyright.PENANAKbIgNTUYrX
— No, but I have never been in love.128Please respect copyright.PENANAdlBSmZTsJk
— Maybe Chad didn’t like me that much, I shrug. Or that I'm not the type of girl that guys like to hug.128Please respect copyright.PENANAvR7ppETsfe
— Oh yes, any man would be happy to be able to hold you against him, he says without a shadow of hesitation.128Please respect copyright.PENANA1x8eP6Pa8e
So why don't you do it ? ! I want to ask him.128Please respect copyright.PENANAK0SYj9gYWK
But suspecting that this would turn him on, I just stare at him and remain silent. However, I am happy with his admission, so I continue with a smile : 128Please respect copyright.PENANASO8O1QIFPZ
— So for Halloween, what are we dressing up as ? 128Please respect copyright.PENANA80sGmprOR0
128Please respect copyright.PENANA474O3233Y6
128Please respect copyright.PENANAcpHm208uWf
On Friday evening, I found my parents in the living room while waiting for Jessy to arrive. I enter the room and turn around asking them : 128Please respect copyright.PENANAakqErkyPM4
— Is my dress okay ? 128Please respect copyright.PENANAdxaNieBSxB
— You are very chic, admire my father.128Please respect copyright.PENANA47rDmbbhHQ
For the occasion, I opted for a black Charleston— style dress, and my hairstyle is adorned with a white feather. It's not my favorite outfit, but Jessy only agreed to wear a very classy suit jacket.128Please respect copyright.PENANADzNjULmViF
— Megan, why do you have a mask in your hand ? Nina asks.128Please respect copyright.PENANADVIF5Lk6GG
— I'll put it on when I get to school. I promised Jessy that, under cover of anonymity, he could annoy the students who criticize him.128Please respect copyright.PENANAVYK39OXQto
My mother laughs.128Please respect copyright.PENANA2bBqkOXRKV
— That’s definitely your idea ! 128Please respect copyright.PENANAOnivMFq9TB
— It was one of the arguments to decide him to leave his house.128Please respect copyright.PENANAB3s2FDT2Lp
— You two spend a lot of time together, my father comments seriously.128Please respect copyright.PENANAlgGwxXOYbJ
— Yes, he’s great ! 128Please respect copyright.PENANAT9fkQC4qri
— You know we love Jessy, but we're worried about you.128Please respect copyright.PENANAqmNyAvVGXk
— We are just friends.128Please respect copyright.PENANAjzMI2IiGXb
— I'm not talking about that. Losing someone close to you is difficult.128Please respect copyright.PENANADtUGUfchzf
— I know. I know that one day he may no longer be here, but if that were to happen, I would have time to prepare for it. And he's my best friend, I can't stop seeing him, that wouldn't be fair to him or me.128Please respect copyright.PENANARAjPUb25pr
— Are you sure it’s just friendship ? 128Please respect copyright.PENANAccmfcidBBZ
My father examines my face which immediately turns purple.128Please respect copyright.PENANAtdRtYS9267
— I preferred Chad, my sister objects, sulking.128Please respect copyright.PENANAHKpKJMlFYi
Without meaning to, Nina makes me smile again and distracts my father's attention. Admitting to myself that I'm in love with Jessy is one thing, dropping this bombshell in front of my father is another. I already know the moral lesson that would await me.128Please respect copyright.PENANAO1P7WW4Wtr
— And I find this school rule stupid which stipulates that you have to be fifteen years old to be able to attend this evening. I would have liked to go there ! She says, crossing her arms over her chest.128Please respect copyright.PENANAIIbQzkBmpW
— Then you should have asked Chad to invite you ! I said, provoking her.128Please respect copyright.PENANA3MyEvw7qvv
In response, she taps her foot on the ground while the doorbell rings.128Please respect copyright.PENANAmVFPpwzCXY
— I go ! 128Please respect copyright.PENANAoU9miRY2IL
I rush to open the door to Jessy. And I literally stand there glued to the spot when I see him in his black suit with a white shirt, black tie and hat. In his hand he holds a white mask similar to mine. He exudes a particular charm that disturbs me even more than usual, which is saying something.128Please respect copyright.PENANAee9NcH1JIL
After a few seconds of examining each other, he leans towards me to hang a white rose on the strap of my dress.128Please respect copyright.PENANAyd5xDcMicp
— How pretty you are, he whispered to me.128Please respect copyright.PENANAezWrPjblFD
His hands brush the skin of my shoulder and I feel myself melting. I take a deep breath to force myself to pull myself together.128Please respect copyright.PENANANeW6TVayLS
— Isn't that okay ? He asks me, visibly worried.128Please respect copyright.PENANAmus5Io61PV
I can't tell him the truth. He was very clear with me when I let myself kiss him. And even though he hasn't spoken to me about it again, I still feel a burning shame. Since then I have restrained my actions and am content to be the friend he needs so much.128Please respect copyright.PENANAhxAF4WxnF4
— Yes, it's going very well. It’s just that it’s hot in the house and cold outside, the contrast struck me. Come on, just a minute, I'll get my coat.128Please respect copyright.PENANAm1WmJYbJoX
He nods and follows me to the living room where he politely greets my family as usual.128Please respect copyright.PENANAcVBuZaoBei
— Wow, Jessy ! This costume suits you really well ! Launches my mother.128Please respect copyright.PENANAv4vZXTWOq5
— Thank you, Mrs. Crawfords. Nina, I thought of you, I brought you a little thing to console you for not being able to come to the party.128Please respect copyright.PENANA6N9PiCO7Ti
He takes a rose similar to mine out of his pocket and hands it to my sister, who is speechless for a few seconds.128Please respect copyright.PENANASJYNi8kY38
— Thank you, Jessy, she finally said. Then looking at us, she adds : I take back everything I said earlier, it’s Jessy, my favorite ! 128Please respect copyright.PENANAzck8vFupud
We burst out laughing.128Please respect copyright.PENANASPmtwHm2JO
— Well done, Jessy, you managed to dethrone Chad ! My father is joking.128Please respect copyright.PENANAg5nOUQMAm3
— It wasn’t won though, smiled the young man. — Here we go ? I ask him.128Please respect copyright.PENANACf1iduzsN0
Jessy makes a hesitant face and answers me without much enthusiasm : 128Please respect copyright.PENANAY95RAfAWPx
— I would have done without it, but since I have to… let’s go ! 128Please respect copyright.PENANASScBd3ygvR
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Two hours later, I see that Jessy is having a good evening. We took the route of anxiety : a walk in the middle of the corridors of the high school which, for the occasion, were decorated as a house of horror with skeletons suddenly appearing in front of us, vampires thirsty for blood who throw themselves on those who dare to approach them or even werewolves who run after us in the feigned hope of devouring us. There are many activities, but Jessy doesn't forget his little revenge either. When we pass a tall dark guy dressed as Dracula, whom my companion immediately recognizes as one of his persecutors, he puts on his mask, approaches slowly and manages to drop off without anyone, except me, noticing. has a large rubber tarantula on his shoulder. A moment later, we hear a scream echo through the classroom as the guy in question squirms in every direction to escape the spider. Jessy and I walk out of the room laughing until we cry.128Please respect copyright.PENANAynskUpnqqE
— I admit, he said to me shortly after in one of the corridors, when we caught our breath, that just for that, it was worth coming ! 128Please respect copyright.PENANASZpTehQbAa
— See, I told you we’d have fun ! 128Please respect copyright.PENANAC4MpTospf0
— You were right, thank you for forcing my hand. (He takes off his mask before staring at me.) Of all the people I know, you are always there for me, no matter what. For what ? 128Please respect copyright.PENANA9lur5mEwqQ
He is suddenly serious.128Please respect copyright.PENANAu1X3Zxz01w
Can't you see that I'm in love with you, idiot ! 128Please respect copyright.PENANAHlimwvPycb
I want to tell him, but I hold back.128Please respect copyright.PENANAqYZ8fTwb8H
Instead, I answer him : 128Please respect copyright.PENANAoR23aSg3sY
— Why not ? You're my friend, right ? 128Please respect copyright.PENANAMQrRTWiFUN
He nods, and his green eyes shine with a strange light.128Please respect copyright.PENANAYLw8M7kp9t
— Oh, Jessy, come ! 128Please respect copyright.PENANAQ0CbXzYcIB
Without waiting for a response, I grab him by the sleeve of his suit and force him to follow me into one of the classes that says : Come discover your future through cards.128Please respect copyright.PENANA6xTNMORZ4R
For the occasion, the room, deliberately darkened, was divided into three parts by curtains, thus constituting cabins where clairvoyants sit. We approach one of them.128Please respect copyright.PENANAtGpJnspHAK
— Can we ? I said, pointing to the seats in front of her.128Please respect copyright.PENANA7gHIMqeEq7
— Of course, my children, come. Sit down.128Please respect copyright.PENANALdLEFip4vr
She is a small woman with brown hair, with a fairly fleshy build, who inspires confidence at first glance.128Please respect copyright.PENANAUjqioU35U3
— Who wants to start ? 128Please respect copyright.PENANAIYZnW0sFg2
Jessy and I exchange a look.128Please respect copyright.PENANAIg1Fp2j6jR
"Iron, Meg."128Please respect copyright.PENANAHIq9IGnkCi
— OK, draw seven cards from the fan in front of you.128Please respect copyright.PENANAicvm5IxJcW
She turns the cards over one after the other, arranging them in a sort of large cross.128Please respect copyright.PENANAPCbO1K1PSv
— You are a nice girl, a little too serious at times, she said to me. You are always there for the people you love. This card, which designates the Empress, tells me that you are good at studies. I can assure you that you will go to university and study for a long time. A great job awaits you at the end.128Please respect copyright.PENANA3kHsPeO7Ub
I'm happy, studies are very important to me.128Please respect copyright.PENANAgX7h967xQh
— This card, she continues, showing me the Lover, — tells me that you are hesitating between two boys. One has the key to your heart and the other relationship is more controlled by your reason, the first boy completely capsizes you, the second rather symbolizes security.128Please respect copyright.PENANAQ3zeFjhWaS
I feel myself blushing from head to toe and, silently, I thank the heavens that the room is just lit by candles. Jessy and Chad ! Only I'm not in love with Chad and I'm banking on love... I feel Jessy's gaze weighing on me, but I don't dare respond.128Please respect copyright.PENANA95pcRSK9q7
— I can't tell you more, it will be up to you to choose between these two men, she places her hand on mine.128Please respect copyright.PENANAICDIppaGnO
— Thanks.128Please respect copyright.PENANAeXU2iYk90V
— Your turn, young man, announces the woman, shuffling her cards before spreading them again on the table.128Please respect copyright.PENANAce6agA8SF5
As I did, Jessy takes out seven cards from the deck and turns them over as she goes.128Please respect copyright.PENANAcFaCESvrWw
— You are a kind boy, very sensitive, who has suffered a lot, but you do everything to keep it from showing. You play tough to hide your heart of gold. You are gifted in studies, but this card, it points to the Moon, leads me to believe that you are especially gifted in the arts. The drawing ? 128Please respect copyright.PENANAKwoZVz4vst
— I painted a lot, but I stopped for a while.128Please respect copyright.PENANAJVgfp4nXKG
— You should start again. You are an anxious boy, and this would calm you down.128Please respect copyright.PENANAN3yXvmwzGs
She turns over another card : the Hermit.128Please respect copyright.PENANAoNORmLRcyd
— This one tells me that you tend to run away from others. You like to be alone and, at the same time, you experience this solitude as if you were afraid of the world around you. Yet you are not alone... There is someone in your life that you love, but, for I don't know what reasons, you seem to be running away from this love that life offers you.128Please respect copyright.PENANAAgestSE7cX
I see Jessy growing nervous next to me as he stares intently at the cards.128Please respect copyright.PENANA89l7DRJ1TV
The clairvoyant turns over the penultimate card : the Nameless Arcana. Despite myself, I flinch.128Please respect copyright.PENANA7jtCYJPqB7
— Don't worry, the lady is reassuring, this card is scary with the skeleton reaping it represents, but it rarely means physical death. Above all, it is a sign of change in life. Your existence will be turned upside down, you will succeed in overcoming your fears to fully live your destiny.128Please respect copyright.PENANAunGUTdkwob
She turns over the last card : the World.128Please respect copyright.PENANAG768ps14l2
— In the coming months, you are going to be very happy young man, much more than you imagine, but for that, you must open your heart to accept the gift that is being given to you, said the clairvoyant, looking Jessie.128Please respect copyright.PENANA0C6BSkYgxR
— Thank you, Madam, he stammers, visibly embarrassed.128Please respect copyright.PENANAuKpF5ZJNhI
— One last thing : Concerning your health, just live day to day without worrying too much. Destiny is destiny, you cannot change what will happen.128Please respect copyright.PENANA1FMYfpnXsH
Jessy nods, looking serious, even though my heart is pounding. Has she just confirmed his imminent death ? His words are enigmatic to me but not to128Please respect copyright.PENANAdFdcIULH3k
Jessy who gets up quickly and leaves the room, I follow suit.128Please respect copyright.PENANALgvHEIP2e1
— Jessy, are you okay ? 128Please respect copyright.PENANAtIYIjZceoc
— Yes, very good.128Please respect copyright.PENANAQXJlnZLyaB
— I'm sorry. It was a stupid idea to go see a psychic.128Please respect copyright.PENANAMyKciKicF4
He stops and turns to me.128Please respect copyright.PENANAiVN1TGAHsX
— Don't worry, she told us an ending that you and I already know.128Please respect copyright.PENANAd22Fa4qksf
— It wasn't that clear to me.128Please respect copyright.PENANAibM03ilgdt
— Yes, but you are always overly optimistic while I…128Please respect copyright.PENANAxnWJfKhAmU
— You are disarmingly pessimistic.128Please respect copyright.PENANALgUi1BvEuY
My reply makes Jessy laugh.128Please respect copyright.PENANA7NKsAPp6Tz
— It's true. Between the two of us, we have the perfect balance.128Please respect copyright.PENANAiasiVbILMX
I smile in turn, thinking about how we complement each other perfectly.128Please respect copyright.PENANAj8ZR8qy8kn
— Seriously, are you sure you’re okay ? If you want, can we go back ? 128Please respect copyright.PENANAyneR9LbnOi
— No, we're having fun. Come on, come on ! 128Please respect copyright.PENANA0nASERFbBX
He gives me a reassuring wink. For the first time, he takes my hand, which suddenly makes me feverish, and guides me towards the gymnasium which has been transformed into a ballroom. Black and orange garlands cascade from the ceiling, paper pumpkins have been installed on the tables where soft drinks are served. In the four corners of the room, plastic skeletons held by wires move like puppets. In the center of the room, students wiggle to the rhythm of a wild Rolling Stones song.128Please respect copyright.PENANAonrlPlsWG2
— You are thirsty ? 128Please respect copyright.PENANAM1PPFmIC6u
I nod with a nod. Jessy leaves me to go get two cups. I look around the room. In a corner, I see Chad dressed as a vampire, and his friends. Apparently they are the ones responsible for leading the anxiety journey. Then a tall blonde girl comes and kisses him full on the mouth. Despite her Marilyn Monroe disguise, I recognized Amy immediately. That's why she's been running away from me since we broke up, she did everything to seduce him and it worked. Chad quickly forgot me and her, that traitor ! Jessy returns with the cups. I drink mine dry.128Please respect copyright.PENANA3lGb7ECLR5
— What do you have ? He asked in front of my furious face.128Please respect copyright.PENANA5DdfInjZ9n
I nod and show him Chad and Amy.128Please respect copyright.PENANAcI04LQfOvd
— Oops, is the only sound that comes out of his mouth.
Jessy looks over to the corner where Chad and Amy are watching us, seeming to be watching for my reaction.128Please respect copyright.PENANAjxzB4AX9gv
— Come Dance.128Please respect copyright.PENANAOHyw7VrabC
He takes my hand again, which has the effect of calming me down immediately.128Please respect copyright.PENANAr3NVvbJ6RP
— I thought you didn't dance ? 128Please respect copyright.PENANAffJVzVsnWY
— I never said that.128Please respect copyright.PENANAXQKT1oqHOR
His smile completely melts me. I let myself be guided to the dance floor. The music starts with a soft song. Like every time I'm in contact with Jessy, my heart starts racing. Without thinking, I put my arms around his neck, while he places his hands on my waist. Soon my head is resting on his shoulder. I breathe in its sweet and intoxicating scent, a mixture of flower soaps and aftershave. I feel wonderful, everything is so natural with him. But he stops abruptly. His gaze is focused on a girl, small in stature, with bobbed red hair, who turns her back to us and is chatting with friends a few steps from us.128Please respect copyright.PENANAQCTVqiH1rf
Jessy doesn't take his eyes off her as I feel his shoulders tense.128Please respect copyright.PENANAQEHwpRqtRP
— What is…128Please respect copyright.PENANArflh9cElGA
The girl turns around, revealing her face to us. Jessy takes a deep breath before turning his attention back to me.128Please respect copyright.PENANAvxRKZloa5u
— I need to get some fresh air, he tells me, white as a sheet.128Please respect copyright.PENANAa4X4h7TJ1T
We push through the crowd to the parking lot where he takes a deep breath. A cold wind rose, carrying with it the dead leaves from the trees to our feet.128Please respect copyright.PENANAFmBxeRHu46
We lean against a car.128Please respect copyright.PENANAtO4AOhbjBP
— Why are you shaking ? 128Please respect copyright.PENANA6B4fiJkbvd
I question him timidly.128Please respect copyright.PENANAxj9sekHF2M
— I don't really want to talk about it.128Please respect copyright.PENANAVV1jGduPhy
— But you are livid ! 128Please respect copyright.PENANA4XTSMC3iPp
— I don't want to talk about it. Let's forget that, okay ? 128Please respect copyright.PENANA2xouyadIHa
— Agree as you like.128Please respect copyright.PENANA7mxNC93jCR
He raises a questioning eyebrow at my resolve. It's not like me to give up so quickly. Usually, I insist that he talks to me, but now, I'm afraid to know the truth.128Please respect copyright.PENANA6uCogZVxV5
— Shall we go back ? 128Please respect copyright.PENANATtEkyBtG8K
— Yeah, I think it's better after all that.128Please respect copyright.PENANAzWaA5X8b9o
We set off. The high school is only a few blocks from our homes.128Please respect copyright.PENANARHczL7605f
— All that ? 128Please respect copyright.PENANAB8I2nViclz
— Between the clairvoyant, Chad and Amy…128Please respect copyright.PENANAjhZLXrAdhe
— And your latest conquest, I tell him, not being able to contain the feeling of jealousy that has invaded me since he saw this girl.128Please respect copyright.PENANADYpgz3QbVR
Jessy turns to me.128Please respect copyright.PENANAMTVQ2Wh2Qh
— It's not what you think. I thought it was Haley... The girl who gave me AIDS.128Please respect copyright.PENANAaZxpJ0sdCx
— Every time you talked to me about the virus, you told me you were handling it all. But after seeing your reaction tonight, I think you're handling things the wrong way. You didn't solve the problem with her. I think you should see her again, or at least talk to her.128Please respect copyright.PENANAS61Ces3GXn
— I don't see how that would help me. You know, it was just an adventure, but one that I will regret for the rest of my life... — Think about it.128Please respect copyright.PENANAM1yGS9ztie
He nods silently.128Please respect copyright.PENANAPIO71Hkwwq
I don't add anything. It's his story, and only he knows whether he wants to look straight ahead after settling his scores, or stay immersed in a past that gnaws at him.128Please respect copyright.PENANAcf6H9OkevA
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The next day is Sunday; dressed in my coat, a scarf and my gloves, I leave my house, determined to face the morning cold which has suddenly fallen on the region.128Please respect copyright.PENANAHij7NlZfxq
A black car stops next to me.128Please respect copyright.PENANARQATrf3dbs
— Hey, a familiar voice calls out to me.128Please respect copyright.PENANAHX221HrZbV
— Hi. Jessy, do you have a car ? ! 128Please respect copyright.PENANAajMggo4ZGA
— Eh yes ! I've been talking to my mom about it for a while, and this morning she came back with it. She was so happy to see me out of the house ! You come ? I'll take you.128Please respect copyright.PENANAr48VEV0qfJ
He starts and, quickly, I see that he is heading towards the highway ramp.128Please respect copyright.PENANAjQmPgRoIVf
— Where are we going ? 128Please respect copyright.PENANAqb2nwIgBU9
— It's coming ! 128Please respect copyright.PENANAkVEv6MfAtj
— At the cinema ? 128Please respect copyright.PENANAyo4RxddJa1
— Non. 128Please respect copyright.PENANAFH1BAXWddU
— Take a walk in the forest ? No, that's not the road. So, maybe visit a museum ? 128Please respect copyright.PENANAwWv54tMUep
— No. You'll see, it's a surprise, and he gives me a big, innocent smile.128Please respect copyright.PENANAVZqHwlbsgs
— OK, anyway, wherever it is, I'm up for it.128Please respect copyright.PENANAkJ6nO4zgdO
— Your parents won't be worried ? 128Please respect copyright.PENANADvlQ2HFS2d
— I told them I was going to see you. They suspect that I'm going to spend the day with you.128Please respect copyright.PENANAarmPkm1rCm
— And that's going to be the case, because we're not going very close. I don't think we'll be back until tonight.128Please respect copyright.PENANAamTrxUIoWs
Still want to come ? 128Please respect copyright.PENANA0NTpYHolAy
He gets onto the highway.128Please respect copyright.PENANAW1Wivah5It
— Totally ! 128Please respect copyright.PENANAdReDzLgLO0
— I want to show you Allentown. Today, we are going to walk in the footsteps of my past...128Please respect copyright.PENANAVnBuhYuMlJ
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After driving for almost three hours, Jessy parks in a small suburban street that seems very nice. All the houses are undoubtedly owned by wealthy people.128Please respect copyright.PENANA8py5foCF5K
— We have arrived, he declares, getting out of the car.128Please respect copyright.PENANALV9fxUIUD6
I'm happy that he trusts me enough to show me the places that mattered to him. I get out and look at the house we are parked in front of. It is a single storey white villa with a well kept lawn. Large bay windows let the sun shine through, and a solid oak door welcomes visitors via a small path which splits the lawn into two parts.128Please respect copyright.PENANAOUrruR63NH
— Is this where you lived ? 128Please respect copyright.PENANAAs9fFNOCO5
Jessy has an enigmatic smile.128Please respect copyright.PENANAvp7we5Afh2
— No, it’s not my place. We're at Haley's.128Please respect copyright.PENANAWqYaktbPqD
He gestures with his chin towards the beautiful house. I suddenly have a pit in my stomach.128Please respect copyright.PENANA7A2W5NwChJ
— What ? 128Please respect copyright.PENANAHmgSQyzUnL
— I found her, it was very easy, actually. She told me her name and what neighborhood she lived in, a call to telephone information was enough.128Please respect copyright.PENANA0wEkiElm55
He leans back in his car, staring at the house like he can see through the walls. Little by little, his enthusiasm seems to diminish. His face turns pale...128Please respect copyright.PENANAl37N0OCd7p
Suddenly, Jessy comes around the car and announces to me : 128Please respect copyright.PENANAqSa9uX3o7I
— Come on, let’s go.128Please respect copyright.PENANAA1cgXIO7dZ
I remain stunned.128Please respect copyright.PENANAxMgRjwv8TG
— Oh no, we didn’t come all this way to leave now. You need to go talk to him ! 128Please respect copyright.PENANA5DhUpVBazq
He stares at me, his face frozen.128Please respect copyright.PENANA7c5xkn6eoH
— I am scared.128Please respect copyright.PENANALVTRklK3z8
— I know, but if you don't go, you'll be left with everything that's on your heart for a long time to come. You need to move forward Jessy, you can't stay stuck with all these emotions.128Please respect copyright.PENANAo58PjFTGj8
He nods and, taking a deep breath, heads towards the house. I see him approaching the door, taking the small gravel path. I'm afraid for him. It rings and only waits a few seconds before the door opens. Jessy enters. I'm not really thrilled that he's seeing one of his ex girlfriends again. What if he fell back into her arms ? This scares me as much as imagining him screaming horrors at him.128Please respect copyright.PENANAlEcuTDQn9R
After all, she is HIV positive, he could perfectly well have a real relationship with her. Not just a friendship like with me. Now I'm almost wishing I was sick, my God, I'm really going crazy ! 128Please respect copyright.PENANA6qkQRC5fs0
During his absence, I also wonder about his behavior. Just the day before, when we talked about the clairvoyant's words, he repeated to me that he had nothing to offer a woman who, in any case, would quickly tire of only being able to kiss him. I managed to tell him that some relationships go beyond that. But he remained firm in his positions. Lost in my thoughts, I don't see him coming back. I jump when he opens the driver's side door and slides behind the wheel. I see right away that it's not going well. He is even paler than when he went to ring the bell, and his hands are clinging to the steering wheel as if his life depended on it. His whole body is shaking. I feel him at the end of his nerves even though he tries to control himself. I ask him half— heartedly : 128Please respect copyright.PENANAGWgeuAiRww
— Did it go wrong ? 128Please respect copyright.PENANAb47i7UrUm8
— It was his mother who opened the door to me...128Please respect copyright.PENANAPSiVYamkGK
His face expresses such hatred that I immediately think of the evening on the bridge when he was hanging above the void, screaming. I would bet that at this very moment, he would let himself fall under the wheels of vehicles rather than live another minute on this Earth. He struggles to speak, but I don't do anything to rush him.128Please respect copyright.PENANAY73oCVNQAF
— Haley died five months ago.128Please respect copyright.PENANAsL20k6Dds9
I immediately understand the dark thoughts going through his head at that precise moment.128Please respect copyright.PENANAe6fRMAgF9r
— Is that all his mother told you ? 128Please respect copyright.PENANALeX0HGpsbX
— Oh no, he gets angry. She told me she is sorry that her child infected me ! She also gave me a letter that Haley wrote to me before she died. We're getting out of here ! 128Please respect copyright.PENANAaGBcFuyIUx
He starts off with a bang and rushes through the streets which, apparently, hold no secrets for him.128Please respect copyright.PENANADCa75kzG3K
— Jessy, please slow down a little, you’re scaring me.128Please respect copyright.PENANAxoe8v0CdCQ
He doesn't respond, but I notice that he raises his foot. He drives like this for several minutes, in silence. We enter downtown Allentown. He takes the main artery then branches off several times before stopping abruptly in a small street. On either side, tall buildings block out most of the daylight. Along the buildings with their gray walls, rusty iron fire escapes make the place even more sinister.128Please respect copyright.PENANAlYL6AO1g13
Jessy gets out of the car and slams the door. I'm. I am so afraid that he will try to end his life. He walks to the center of the street, where metal garbage containers are piled up, and hits them with all his might several times.128Please respect copyright.PENANAqCyeuQJmHm
— Jessy, please calm down, I’m begging you.128Please respect copyright.PENANAEKhIKsR5yp
— For what ? Can you tell me what all this is for ? What's the point of living ? 128Please respect copyright.PENANAZ1ttK3UNfb
— Stopped. (I place myself between him and the trash can on which he pours all his anger.) You are alive ! You hear me ? Are you still alive ! And by the time the disease breaks out, perhaps doctors will have found a treatment. But the force you put into hitting this container, you have to put into fighting yourself.128Please respect copyright.PENANAMKHhhNXcCD
— But why ? What is keeping me on this planet ? Don't you understand that I'm going to end up like Haley ? 128Please respect copyright.PENANAF2Zkc7P7dm
He pushes me away with one arm before knocking again.128Please respect copyright.PENANAhKNz6MrSum
Soon his fist is bloody.128Please respect copyright.PENANAMLM4I3BCAf
— But why are you hitting this trash can ? 128Please respect copyright.PENANAdstjVU9FLM
— Because I'm angry, and even then, angry is an understatement for what I feel.128Please respect copyright.PENANATPNqsuGkln
— For what ? 128Please respect copyright.PENANABPGfpg5QBH
He, usually so secretive, finally decides to confide in me while now kicking the poor trash can.128Please respect copyright.PENANABoqAFqb4qm
— This is the place where my life changed, he said to me, out of breath.128Please respect copyright.PENANAw9aB4TXg60
He stops knocking and points to a spot near the right wall, a little further away.128Please respect copyright.PENANAL9aUNtzbSx
— Do you see there ? This is the place where my father, my real father, died. He was killed by a local gang who wanted to steal his money, they dragged him here before shooting him. When I was little, I was terrified of losing my parents. I don’t know where this anxiety came from, it was unreasonable, it woke me up at night. My father reassured me, constantly telling me that he would always be there to protect me, and when I was five, suddenly, he was no longer there. He let me down. He didn't protect me ! Things would have been very different if he were still here. And now Haley is gone ! And it pisses me off because, even if it’s wrong, I would have liked to scream at him with all the rage I have in my heart ! And all I have instead is this damn letter ! 128Please respect copyright.PENANAmBhyoyOaLl
He takes the missive out of his coat pocket and shakes it in the air, as if he wants to get rid of it but is unable to.128Please respect copyright.PENANA9eQUZl0535
— I understand that well ! But when you calm down, you will want to know what she had to say to you. Your father didn't get to say goodbye to you, Haley did it through these words in this envelope.128Please respect copyright.PENANAkyXPvGnM1h
My voice is choked with sadness. Jessy looks at me, searching in my eyes for the reason for my sudden emotion.128Please respect copyright.PENANAMpogL6rmK4
— You’re right, he whispers, looking at the letter still in his hand. I must not condemn her, she was not the only one responsible for what happened that evening, he said more calmly.128Please respect copyright.PENANA0CohQULwYq
— It's true. She didn't know she was sick at the time. But on the other hand, I can't help but feel relieved that you didn't see her again. I know, it’s awful to think that ! 128Please respect copyright.PENANAFEzDhpLVPW
I turn away, I don't dare look at him anymore. I just told him about the fear that filled me the first time he mentioned Haley. Even though she infected him, he had a history with her, he was closer to her than he will ever be to me, and it breaks my heart to admit that.128Please respect copyright.PENANAqjOIEck9am
Jessy stands in front of me and examines my face.128Please respect copyright.PENANAux627xE6zX
— Why do you feel relieved ? 128Please respect copyright.PENANAobRaDvQrOk
There is no longer any trace of anger in his voice, just curiosity.128Please respect copyright.PENANAd4tIqgwVbu
— For nothing, forget it.128Please respect copyright.PENANAiFfj7VqawQ
— Yes, tell me, he breathes softly. I hesitate, watching his piercing gaze.128Please respect copyright.PENANASpe6oz9izS
— Because I was afraid you would get back together with her.128Please respect copyright.PENANAd0MeDPAHTa
He looks at me, incredulous.128Please respect copyright.PENANA5bmphc3k3S
— I know..., I continue but I quickly interrupt myself, no longer knowing how to continue without admitting my feelings.128Please respect copyright.PENANAOu6VDqKv5V
Jessy stares at me for a moment that seems to last forever.128Please respect copyright.PENANAU8wMnPoLvY
— When you were with Chad, I said to myself : "Nothing will ever happen between us while he can do anything for her. "128Please respect copyright.PENANAJZpNoNqclO
I remain in shock, did he just tell me that he is dying to be with me or was I dreaming ? 128Please respect copyright.PENANACA0B59V4qZ
— I'm not going back with Chad.128Please respect copyright.PENANA6xKp9WJUtG
— It's true ? 128Please respect copyright.PENANA4nmA56yPV5
I nod, grabbing the lapel of his coat.128Please respect copyright.PENANACezcErC6ig
— Chad has never been an obstacle between us. He's not the one I want to be with.128Please respect copyright.PENANAFtCPp0RsAX
He wipes his forehead where beads of sweat appear and looks at his damaged hand.128Please respect copyright.PENANAasVh54gI56
— Actually, I mainly thought that it would scare you to be with me.128Please respect copyright.PENANAw1UTyF5VX6
— Maybe you should have asked me ? 128Please respect copyright.PENANAgIHsIX9jzp
I fiddle with a button on his coat.128Please respect copyright.PENANAjpPKz0W4FO
— It's true.128Please respect copyright.PENANAW3o7ShqrWo
He purses his lips and says : 128Please respect copyright.PENANAzYEJZs6B2Z
— Do you want to go out with me ? 128Please respect copyright.PENANAnasFaPt5ZI
Finally you decide ! I smile. Of course I want to be with you, that’s all I’ve thought about since we met.128Please respect copyright.PENANAHr3xcPEt0C
Jessy gives me a big smile.128Please respect copyright.PENANAws6M9WyccD
— I don't know how long I'll stay alive.128Please respect copyright.PENANA5yGcGUmkHO
— We'll see. We're going to make every day count.128Please respect copyright.PENANAWSrKd4w3fF
— And with Chad, is it definitely over ? Are you sure ? 128Please respect copyright.PENANA2oeFHGmiQV
— Jessy, Chad and I broke up because you came into my life and offered another horizon to my future. When I met you, I realized I never really loved him. He's just a friend. That’s the real reason… At least for me.128Please respect copyright.PENANAc8MCDCxHTd
I hand him some tissues which he wraps around his scratched hand, which has already stopped bleeding. Then he puts his arm around my shoulders, kisses my forehead and leads me towards the car, putting the letter in his coat pocket.128Please respect copyright.PENANAy9ds5I6rbS
— I suspected that I was somewhat responsible for this story, he said, winking at me.128Please respect copyright.PENANAWHm6JJw7jq
Suddenly, he hands me the car keys.128Please respect copyright.PENANAx8J1NDV98F
— I don't feel like driving after all this, would you like it ? 128Please respect copyright.PENANAmCT5NZlr6b
Too happy to be able to get behind the wheel, I eagerly grab the keys.128Please respect copyright.PENANAQVW2O7WZ4T
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We enter Millisky, the town is deserted at this hour, only the street lights give a semblance of life to the streets. I glance at Jessy, lost in thought. Suddenly, instead of heading towards his house, I change direction and head towards the hill. I can't let him go home like this. Having reached the top, I stop the car. Jessy snaps out of his thoughts and looks around, surprised. He doesn't know this corner of the city where I myself rarely go.128Please respect copyright.PENANAX9ka2tsruN
— Where are we ? 128Please respect copyright.PENANAY6VIEy1BWl
— Come with me.128Please respect copyright.PENANAU1S9Nr30dx
We are on a small dirt road bordered by a security fence. Tall grass protrudes from the slope overlooking the town. Jessy joins me in front of the car, I take his hand and lead him past one of the sumptuous mansions, which offers a perfect view of the sleeping city.128Please respect copyright.PENANAbL2qx87GQW
— I know you’re not in good spirits and I understand perfectly why, I assure him. I also know that you're waiting until you're alone to read Haley's letter. But I'm not going to let you do it, I don't want you to be upset, alone, in your corner while I'm worrying about you. Please, Jessy, do this for me. I'm not asking you to read it, I just want you to read it in my presence because whatever you think about it, you're going to need support afterwards and I want to be the one to hug you to make sure that everything will be alright.128Please respect copyright.PENANAH7hOxT1FUg
With tears in his eyes, he nods.128Please respect copyright.PENANAog5muCVPAo
I move a few steps away to give him his privacy. He takes out the envelope, hesitates for a few seconds then opens it. From the first words he reads, I perceive the change in his expression, he seems to be decomposing. Quickly, I see tears rolling down his cheeks while I hold myself back from going to join him because I feel so bad for him. A few seconds later, he stops reading, leans over to lean on the safety barrier as a loud sob escapes him. I can no longer resist and will hug him. My arms are around his neck, my face on his shoulder.128Please respect copyright.PENANAgXNfGvzzWQ
I'm here, Jessy, I'm here, I whisper in his ear.128Please respect copyright.PENANAO8YxccZgKr
He stands up, turns around and hugs me as if I were the only thing holding him back on earth.128Please respect copyright.PENANAoqhmkzQPcR
— Here, he said, handing me the letter.128Please respect copyright.PENANAbnUMGNCJPF
— No, it’s meant for you.128Please respect copyright.PENANAQzUBOcVABO
— I don't want to hide anything from you about Haley, not after what you admitted to me earlier.128Please respect copyright.PENANAWZGsFOoT1z
Although it bothers me, I grab the paper.128Please respect copyright.PENANAExaEbu9QVp
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Jessy, 128Please respect copyright.PENANAaofnUC0mNH
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If you are reading this it is because I will no longer be here to speak to you in person. It’s also that you are looking for answers to your questions, explanations. I will try to answer it.128Please respect copyright.PENANAT3mxpstv6J
First of all, I wanted to tell you that I am deeply sorry for having infected you. If I had known that I was carrying this virus, I would never have hit on you that evening. As I told you during that famous evening, I wasn't looking for anything serious, yet when I saw you, I liked you straight away. If I left so quickly once we slept together, it was because I could have had feelings for you and coming out of a difficult relationship, I didn't want that.128Please respect copyright.PENANApxkVXoLxgY
If you are wondering how I became HIV positive, it was precisely this ex that I had such a hard time forgetting who infected me after cheating on me. He didn't know he was sick either.128Please respect copyright.PENANA4GaJbpkr4W
As I write these words to you, I am in the hospital. I don't think I'll get through it. I'm not telling you this to inspire pity, but to tell you that I pray that you never experience the same thing. I sincerely hope that medicine finds a cure before the virus manifests itself. In no case did I want to condemn you to live in this hell, neither you nor the two other boys whom I also infected.128Please respect copyright.PENANAaE7CE432PU
I'm going to leave consumed with guilt. I pray that God forgives me, that you will be able to forgive me one day.128Please respect copyright.PENANAKVODs9U48M
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Haley 128Please respect copyright.PENANA7HckaCzySm
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These words upset me because they seem so sincere to me. I turn to Jessy who has wiped his eyes but still seems disturbed.128Please respect copyright.PENANAaGi41BlpT3
— How are you feeling ? I ask him.128Please respect copyright.PENANAHmHxRbWzdR
— Sad and relieved at the same time. In fact, I feel like life will never give me any gifts and that every one of my hopes will be disappointed.128Please respect copyright.PENANA9OiYNe9mtz
— You are wrong, Jessy. You see that ? I point to Millisky lit up in front of us. This is your life today. It is no longer a dark alley in Allentown, nor even a state of the art residence in which many misfortunes hide. No, your life is here now. As for your future, I don't know what it will be like, just as I don't know my future, but there is one thing I am certain of : I will be with you.128Please respect copyright.PENANABA07LwWLOt
He leans towards me, I kiss him full on the mouth. This time he kisses me back forcefully. His body presses against mine, making me shiver. From my lips, he lets his mouth slide slowly down to my neck. I savor this kiss, this desire that pushes me to want him ever closer to me. Then he takes my mouth again with a mixture of tenderness and eagerness. With the tip of his tongue, he parts my lips, his tongue caresses mine while he sucks in my breath. No boy, no even Chad has never kissed me like that. I feel faint in his arms, my legs have difficulty supporting me. He moves slightly away from me, staring at me. I can read in his eyes that I won this first battle, he regained faith in life, in my love for him. For the first time since I've known him, he's happy.128Please respect copyright.PENANALcyHoi1M47
Behind us, in the house, the group Divinyls can be heard with their songI’m on your side. 128Please respect copyright.PENANADwrlEe7KVM
— Miss Crawfords, will you give me this dance ? 128Please respect copyright.PENANApgxTDz1kuZ
He holds out his hand to me. 128Please respect copyright.PENANAGpc3dfTVNN
— With pleasure.128Please respect copyright.PENANAwRJh7kePsC
« I’m on your side 128Please respect copyright.PENANAAJNgRb60Pk
You know I’m not the enemy. » 128Please respect copyright.PENANAUYLz0et9Xg
It's not hot tonight, but sheltered in Jessy's arms, I'm not cold.128Please respect copyright.PENANAVlCsnPRsCm
« I love you, babe » rises in the silence of the night.128Please respect copyright.PENANAxzVDqlLwQm
Jessy moves back a few inches and looks at me with a mischievous smile.128Please respect copyright.PENANASh3h2jKKuz
— So in the end, who won ? The heart or the reason ? He asks me, quoting the words of the clairvoyant.128Please respect copyright.PENANAJl87vjk9TW
– You are the heart, you always have been, I answer him forcefully.128Please respect copyright.PENANApeFvVvkIhx
« I’ll hold on to you. » 128Please respect copyright.PENANAIlybHeY3BE
This is how, snuggled in each other’s arms, the music rocks us.128Please respect copyright.PENANA8SmPGTYhDy
« I love you babe, I love you babe, I’m on your side. »128Please respect copyright.PENANAxpg7J7yzFk