|| 8:00 pm ||
From: [email protected]117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX2Y7FOqXe8
To: [email protected]117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCsQVEYnQ9i
Subject: Schedule confirmation + passive-aggressive muffin update
hi eli,117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡewIMipq1oS
just confirming the 2PM group meeting this thursday at Hume Hall still stands.117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCIXlbxFFyb
also, erin brought in those weird protein muffins again. no one ate them. she’s pretending not to notice.
— maya
117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEwC4TEd6RQ
From: [email protected]117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVqRCPDYimG
To: [email protected]117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAzDjQXKW6C
Subject: I think I’m the wrong Eli
Hey Maya,117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk1XcUsZuo3
You’ve got the wrong Eli.117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtu1NEH1IGY
I would love to say I was scheduled for a group meeting, but I am currently eating cereal on my couch, pants-less, and I don’t know anyone named Erin (or her offensive muffins).
Best of luck though. Team meetings and baked disappointment sound like a vibe.
– Not-Your-Eli117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGmXZxcwzsm
aka Eli Martin
117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS1yJbZm9u2
From: [email protected]117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNl2oWZiUaX
To: [email protected]117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoSQaD6OIa3
Subject: 😂 oh my god sorry
oh. my. god.117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrQEzk3kAlL
definitely wrong eli.117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1eTpG4IqZM
also, the mental image of you pants-less eating cereal? horrifying — and weirdly relatable.117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT39lSlm4tW
sincerely,117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF8IxW8x4ge
a girl who can no longer face protein muffins or group emails
117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqcHx5mTrvr
From: [email protected]117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOJZIHXuFfi
To: [email protected]117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrBA6WYB90P
Subject: the muffin has been notified
No worries. Happens more than you'd think.117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3u3ZwHDIFi
A guy once sent me his grocery list. It was 100% just “almond milk, floss, condoms, hot Cheetos.”117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd16EEurrlK
No context. I still think about him.
Tell Erin I support her, but also: maybe try banana bread.
– Eli (the wrong one, but apparently memorable)
117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcKjM6TinvZ
From: [email protected]117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXToxAbe7U3
To: [email protected]117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlhiRK3x5Xi
Subject: wrong but kind of right
you’re honestly better than the eli i was trying to reach.117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsBeQucYbFX
he once used Comic Sans in a group doc.
ps. banana bread is god tier. erin could never.
117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Fy4SJatLM
From: [email protected]117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUmX2x9taTi
To: [email protected]117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhuwIQt0wF8
Subject: justice for banana bread
maya,117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjCGKQcyehX
is this our meet-cute?117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYx69sUVJmY
like in a chaotic email inbox kind of way?
you insulted a guy’s muffins, complimented banana bread, and accidentally messaged me.117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlTngniOq12
i don’t know. feels cinematic.
– still not your eli117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBYM9p3OxS4
but i might be a decent one
117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMSamPFWCMv
From: [email protected]117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeM7FL7dBMC
To: [email protected]117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4rPwTUspW5
Subject: definitely a netflix pilot
if this becomes a romance — it better have a 90s soundtrack and questionable fashion.117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUDbs2kNmJ5
(i call dibs on overalls and sad-girl eyeliner.)117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS2YKvU05Nn
also: are we still emailing or is this where it ends?
just asking for… curiosity reasons.
– maya117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3AR9pPF4Q7
professional emailer of strangers
117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQtxFg0adAv
From: [email protected]117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI0MawcTmPe
To: [email protected]117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Gu5YaGeNh
Subject: only weird if we stop
nah. let’s keep emailing.117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwN7kQWn7aD
it’s kind of the most interesting thing that’s happened to me this week.
plus i want more muffin drama. and maybe your spotify recs.117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqun5lIPecl
purely academic interest, of course.
– eli
From: [email protected]117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ63MYI4DW5k
To: [email protected]117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUQfR7n5C7D
Subject: Re: only weird if we stop
glad you’re on board — who knew muffin drama could bring two wrong elis together?
also, if you start a support group for victims of questionable baked goods, count me in as president.
looking forward to more of your cereal pants stories and maybe some actual muffin updates.
— maya117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSv2Rw6AbrZ
professional emailer of strangers
P.S. what’s your all-time worst muffin crime? asking for a friend.117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Drbm9iV9s
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