Letting go was impossible now, we’ve both said how we really feel. He loves me, and I love him. Nothing more, nothing less. I wish I didn’t fall so easily, but he had this way of capturing me. 104Please respect copyright.PENANAwo3jwFc6V4
Every breath he takes, every gesture he creates. The smile, the eyes, the way he calls me “mine.” All of it, carefully designed to make me fall. In and out, out and right back in. It’s confusing, leaving my mind in a horrible spin. Everytime I try to leave, I fall right back into his arms. Physically, and metaphorically I belong to him in every way.104Please respect copyright.PENANAOnK5aaClTR
I have never felt this way, love has never been able to reach my heart. I didn’t want to feel trapped in an abusive, controlling relationship like my mother was. Every breath, until her last, was for my father. But he never gave her the time of day. Stability was all he ever gave. Even on my birthday, he couldn’t even think twice outside of his own life. It was all about him all the time. Until it wasn’t... 104Please respect copyright.PENANApnLlwlRYK2
My walls became even higher when they died. Not because I was mourning, but because I realized that my mom was trapped with him until the day she died. She wasn’t able to leave, he would take us away-- or worse-- take her away from us. The thought of that happening to me caused the very thought of love to make me panic. 104Please respect copyright.PENANAqPcvzkgCFI
Even now, I’m terrified. The way I’m falling into love with him without an escape from my feelings. I need out, I need to breathe.
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Breathe.
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Let go of him, make him let go of you.
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Breathe.
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His hold is too strong, I’m terrified.
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Breathe.
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Falling... Falling... Deeper...
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Breathe.
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“Nicci.”
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Stop. Fall. Don’t let go. Forget your fears. He’s yours, you’re his.
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“Nicci, are you okay?”
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Open your eyes...
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“Yeah, I’m fine.”104Please respect copyright.PENANArlLY4Eoq0b