「Hi」446Please respect copyright.PENANAPSSyYVQs0c
446Please respect copyright.PENANAVFW35yO9AW
即使配對成功,在Bumble上都必須由女生發起第一句開場白,男生才能開始聊天。儘管如此,但仍然有些女生只發「Hi」過來。然而,當我查看著她個人檔案,去想開場白時,有時還真的無從入手,然後我又草率地回一句同樣的「Hi」,結果大家都猜到,就是不了了之。因為有些女生上載的照片只有一張,甚至連個人簡介也懶得寫,結果我便無從入手了。446Please respect copyright.PENANAKpYRpqwJMB
446Please respect copyright.PENANAN2VcD4KXNU
在交友app上要約人的話,就是一個字——「快」。446Please respect copyright.PENANAqExrobNNSL
446Please respect copyright.PENANAfn5SfafysA
配對過多個女生,也多次嘗試提出約會,早已熟透了約會的流程:一,開場白;,二,尋找時間;三,安排約會。446Please respect copyright.PENANAkqwiPsbXlQ
446Please respect copyright.PENANAmEc31CIfce
開場白早已熟練得易如反掌,至於第二步和第三步嘛⋯⋯我就是發覺:通常不是自己的問題,就是對方的問題;如果是後者的因素為主,基本上就是無解。446Please respect copyright.PENANACIEttI5ERs
446Please respect copyright.PENANAwWTrEP4CZf
累積下來的經驗告訴我,其實在app裡,真正願意出來見面的女生,根本沒有想像的多。很多女生通常都是懷著「解悶」、「找人消磨時間」,甚至是「收兵」的心態來使用交友app。你說有沒有正經的人?當然也有,但是整體比例還是不見得高。446Please respect copyright.PENANA4yuD8Np22T
446Please respect copyright.PENANAzCW9XaLliD
從我使用Tinder和Bumble的經驗,我可以告訴大家,如果你是正常的男生,大概就是每10個配對之中,才會有1個女生真正陪伴你出來。446Please respect copyright.PENANANFRdQrcOHV
446Please respect copyright.PENANAKcdY4RyobY
為甚麼我特別強調「才會」?就是要強調:其實在app上真正願意出來見面的人,沒有想像的多;所以自己的心態也要先調整好,不然只有處處受傷。446Please respect copyright.PENANAyDGTSwDeC0
446Please respect copyright.PENANAfIxlk6kpM5
要知道,顏值稍為好一點(或者是懂得修圖的話),尤其當今網紅主義當道之下,女生在app上是絕對可以在同時被幾百個男生追求;換言之,男生發給她的信息,隨時化為萬中無一,極難在幾百個男生之中突圍而出,引起她的注意。女生在這種環境下猶如皇妃選子一樣,男生猶如貨品般地任人選擇,失去了主導權;女生也很容易自視過高,「吊高嚟賣」。446Please respect copyright.PENANACEfFMbeajZ
446Please respect copyright.PENANAoqFB1DE8i0
所以,身為生理上男生的我,在這半年間,漸漸也養成一種心態:把交友軟體當作手遊來看,不要成為這個手遊的奴隸,期望愈少,失望自然愈少。把它當作一種消閑遊戲,至於能否交到女朋友,就當成一種額外獎勵。446Please respect copyright.PENANAs5EDE9Ww5h
446Please respect copyright.PENANAdMOV6kfUT0
每次配對之後,我都是先跟據對方的個人檔案,為她「量身定做」一句開場白,然後大家都會圍繞著開場白聊上幾句。從開頭的幾回合,大可以知道對方對自己有沒有興趣,例如她回覆的文字長短、頻率、表情符號等等,乃至於她有沒有留意到自己的個人檔案;而且可以簡單判斷她是否詐騙集團、直銷,從而判斷有沒有約會見面的價值。446Please respect copyright.PENANAMRupsuZ9k8
446Please respect copyright.PENANAzz1hPzZr7E
然後來到第二步和第三步,也就是約人,這裡見真章;因為會有很多原本聊得好地地的女生,突然變成已讀不回。我常用的句子就是:你下個星期有冇時間出嚟?446Please respect copyright.PENANAFc6XdyN3C9
446Please respect copyright.PENANAdX3jO5nnx3
來到了這一步,通常我都會得到的回應:446Please respect copyright.PENANAGOzxRDNgYt
1.)正面回應「Yes」。446Please respect copyright.PENANADYKCwRqj9c
2.)正面回應「No」,然後就說沒有空,或者其他的理由。446Please respect copyright.PENANA8ufTpdtPI6
3.)直接被已讀不回。446Please respect copyright.PENANAvVbALTEIjO
4.)會繞過、轉移話題,或者跟自己說「傾多陣先啦」、「了解多陣先啦」。446Please respect copyright.PENANAOgo7yQS1di
446Please respect copyright.PENANAUVo9ehdekv
如果只是反應2,那大可以過幾天再嘗試;但如果是反應3或4,基本上就是無解,這種情況對方很可能正在挑選男生,甚至「收兵」,或者太多男生找她,所以她沒空逐一理會。446Please respect copyright.PENANArFKZ9V0PhN
446Please respect copyright.PENANAqbWviFtSc6
一月中旬,在一個和暖的冬日,我窩在被子裡,剛好在放假,在懶床的我剛剛睡醒。446Please respect copyright.PENANAkxs9NafgCm
446Please respect copyright.PENANAiwneuIYr4s
冷天氣再加上舒適的被窩,使我即使醒了也不願下床,於是我隨手執起放在床邊的手機。446Please respect copyright.PENANAumNYMb3xEI
446Please respect copyright.PENANANNouWZln4f
Bumble發了通知給我,原來我又有新配對了。446Please respect copyright.PENANAob7bcaFrs2
446Please respect copyright.PENANAbsXeiKFOdm
Priscilla,25歲,比我大一年,大頭照的她戴上了圓框眼鏡,揹著背囊,望向鏡頭嫣然一笑。那自然的笑,弄出兩個小酒窩。446Please respect copyright.PENANAb0KJOZwrog
446Please respect copyright.PENANAWEiiUaj9HN
「你是易服癖還是?」446Please respect copyright.PENANAGYR77Ecljm
446Please respect copyright.PENANAQDZoXMVDwT
按進聊天箱,便看到她發給我的開場白。其實我很討厭使用「易服」這個字眼,過去實在有太多媒體使用這個字眼,來報道負面新聞,結果這容易令人誤以為,穿女裝就跟變態一詞劃上等號,是對偽娘一族群的污名化。446Please respect copyright.PENANAvkRnNf0UuO
446Please respect copyright.PENANAFpQJInEaRc
雖然不知道Priscilla說這句說話是有意還是無意,但我不會因為這一句開場白就直接判她死刑。446Please respect copyright.PENANAtTs2SRBzky
446Please respect copyright.PENANAbKGCZ99fS5
我:只是想當偽娘446Please respect copyright.PENANAoxtEc8cqQe
446Please respect copyright.PENANAg5XgZsu5KO
Priscilla:那你喜歡的是男還是女?446Please respect copyright.PENANAGuBak1DTmA
446Please respect copyright.PENANAHytJ8BS5dW
我:女446Please respect copyright.PENANAqTZitX8s2U
446Please respect copyright.PENANAK2Kuw9iXkQ
看她的文字,應該是大陸人吧?不過她的每字每句都從不打簡體字的。446Please respect copyright.PENANAabqZ8S8nDR
446Please respect copyright.PENANA7eebVwD1yw
我:我平日也少很穿女裝。446Please respect copyright.PENANAPTWLLQdv0h
我:都是男裝為主。446Please respect copyright.PENANAt7ap6ednuQ
我:你應該都看到我的男裝吧?446Please respect copyright.PENANAp15skiFlBX
446Please respect copyright.PENANAIT6FGb3Qvz
Priscilla:哈哈446Please respect copyright.PENANAuH4CtVbaT2
Priscilla:(宇智波)鼬?446Please respect copyright.PENANA4vC1sZToHD
446Please respect copyright.PENANA7szYqtHr3Y
我:不是!那只是在cosplay 活動穿。446Please respect copyright.PENANAJwHkcJDjfT
我:對啦,你下個星期有時間去cafe嗎?446Please respect copyright.PENANAA1RewxzSnS
446Please respect copyright.PENANAIM4deYo0gy
Priscilla:可以呀。446Please respect copyright.PENANA1YC3FLsFau
446Please respect copyright.PENANATDcsPNQ0xP
我:那,下星期一就去urban cafe一起看貓?446Please respect copyright.PENANA4cYuSTHPDZ
我:在旺角出站446Please respect copyright.PENANAtiT4TGdRYm
446Please respect copyright.PENANAYSyaceWWF5
Priscilla:好呀。446Please respect copyright.PENANAwOZc1jHHWM
446Please respect copyright.PENANA1c9PqACeSf
安排好約會之後的幾天裡,我都幾乎沒有刻意去聊天,基本上是不用長期聊天的。446Please respect copyright.PENANAyCT7h1cIW6
446Please respect copyright.PENANANzZDodySNL
「明日4點旺角D出口等?」446Please respect copyright.PENANAl9sH0ucCWw
446Please respect copyright.PENANAlzDRxhpMLD
「好呀。」446Please respect copyright.PENANA8MayemiEAY
446Please respect copyright.PENANAUkLbRKol9T
直接等到見面前的一天,發信息確認一次就好,見面時沒有放鴿子就要很感恩上天了。446Please respect copyright.PENANAo1ljIA93kV
446Please respect copyright.PENANAyFcmTRiwPZ
1月17日,如我一向作風,一對一的見面,就當然是穿最好的男裝出來;也如先前的安排,我在旺角站初遇Priscilla。446Please respect copyright.PENANAE8lJPK3s72
446Please respect copyright.PENANAnHNidEmU0j
現實見到的她,跟網上的她,樣子上必定有分別,我早已做好了心理準備。還好,沒有想像的差,大概接近平均值,4.5/10吧,說不上很差。她的樣子只有在笑的時候才好看,平日不笑時卻顯得有點臉僵。446Please respect copyright.PENANAYn2Mn6SUNA
446Please respect copyright.PENANAyqkgw4MPl0
Priscilla:點樣行?446Please respect copyright.PENANANHf8vOPcfb
446Please respect copyright.PENANAB5pZFmOYOc
原來她也會講廣東話,而且發音也很純正。446Please respect copyright.PENANAGGp3zhXu7E
446Please respect copyright.PENANALvQE2U7rtZ
我身穿白色系的男裝外套,而她穿的是紅色系的廿蓬鬆過膝裙,很漢服風格。那身高大概在160-165cm,都是我的理想型,因為剛好能與我這個180cm的男生相配。446Please respect copyright.PENANAaADQvVsOzm
446Please respect copyright.PENANAF2tv8nii8Z
2022,在疫情肆虐下的香港,大陸也封關了,旺角裡那些施著行李箱、沒有修養的大媽也消聲匿跡,只見人人都戴上口罩,偶爾有本地的樂團在西洋菜南街上唱著抒情的廣東話歌,我喜歡這樣的市容(雖然我知道旺角街道一向都不好得去哪)。446Please respect copyright.PENANAeAzSfzQcgf
446Please respect copyright.PENANAJZfgOfuo2g
我:我帶你行,係呢邊。446Please respect copyright.PENANAlJFwcvnzBv
446Please respect copyright.PENANABqcrhsEdWH
於是,我就為Priscilla帶路。446Please respect copyright.PENANAmFnciiPzTZ
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我係偽娘 喺交友app上遇到千奇百趣嘅事(80%假人真事)[第四愛/偽GL]
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我係偽娘 喺交友app上遇到千奇百趣嘅事(80%假人真事)[第四愛/偽GL]
作者:
雨神

篇 #47
Ch.24(終章:part1/2)寫繁體字,講廣東話嘅大陸妹
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