「Hi」449Please respect copyright.PENANA9HYUgZUMgX
449Please respect copyright.PENANAurNJe8Uagj
即使配對成功,在Bumble上都必須由女生發起第一句開場白,男生才能開始聊天。儘管如此,但仍然有些女生只發「Hi」過來。然而,當我查看著她個人檔案,去想開場白時,有時還真的無從入手,然後我又草率地回一句同樣的「Hi」,結果大家都猜到,就是不了了之。因為有些女生上載的照片只有一張,甚至連個人簡介也懶得寫,結果我便無從入手了。449Please respect copyright.PENANAZHmN1kjaVY
449Please respect copyright.PENANAyos3wL2MgR
在交友app上要約人的話,就是一個字——「快」。449Please respect copyright.PENANAar7rccuxbF
449Please respect copyright.PENANA5oYKmhzxYD
配對過多個女生,也多次嘗試提出約會,早已熟透了約會的流程:一,開場白;,二,尋找時間;三,安排約會。449Please respect copyright.PENANAGfnhyk9OTn
449Please respect copyright.PENANAz30oIhWF64
開場白早已熟練得易如反掌,至於第二步和第三步嘛⋯⋯我就是發覺:通常不是自己的問題,就是對方的問題;如果是後者的因素為主,基本上就是無解。449Please respect copyright.PENANAMO4SbsE7d7
449Please respect copyright.PENANASluKAPnILa
累積下來的經驗告訴我,其實在app裡,真正願意出來見面的女生,根本沒有想像的多。很多女生通常都是懷著「解悶」、「找人消磨時間」,甚至是「收兵」的心態來使用交友app。你說有沒有正經的人?當然也有,但是整體比例還是不見得高。449Please respect copyright.PENANAKilPBMpZER
449Please respect copyright.PENANAtA54EZbJjP
從我使用Tinder和Bumble的經驗,我可以告訴大家,如果你是正常的男生,大概就是每10個配對之中,才會有1個女生真正陪伴你出來。449Please respect copyright.PENANAWCf4MAh8rR
449Please respect copyright.PENANA6PwdfVScTI
為甚麼我特別強調「才會」?就是要強調:其實在app上真正願意出來見面的人,沒有想像的多;所以自己的心態也要先調整好,不然只有處處受傷。449Please respect copyright.PENANASr26JiGUsp
449Please respect copyright.PENANA9YV2YIeYU8
要知道,顏值稍為好一點(或者是懂得修圖的話),尤其當今網紅主義當道之下,女生在app上是絕對可以在同時被幾百個男生追求;換言之,男生發給她的信息,隨時化為萬中無一,極難在幾百個男生之中突圍而出,引起她的注意。女生在這種環境下猶如皇妃選子一樣,男生猶如貨品般地任人選擇,失去了主導權;女生也很容易自視過高,「吊高嚟賣」。449Please respect copyright.PENANAmQZTr2VQX9
449Please respect copyright.PENANAxNRS1g3O0d
所以,身為生理上男生的我,在這半年間,漸漸也養成一種心態:把交友軟體當作手遊來看,不要成為這個手遊的奴隸,期望愈少,失望自然愈少。把它當作一種消閑遊戲,至於能否交到女朋友,就當成一種額外獎勵。449Please respect copyright.PENANA0UMoeoTGsd
449Please respect copyright.PENANAGl3Xeq18ba
每次配對之後,我都是先跟據對方的個人檔案,為她「量身定做」一句開場白,然後大家都會圍繞著開場白聊上幾句。從開頭的幾回合,大可以知道對方對自己有沒有興趣,例如她回覆的文字長短、頻率、表情符號等等,乃至於她有沒有留意到自己的個人檔案;而且可以簡單判斷她是否詐騙集團、直銷,從而判斷有沒有約會見面的價值。449Please respect copyright.PENANAi6c5EJJqXN
449Please respect copyright.PENANAKmyE93dBQ8
然後來到第二步和第三步,也就是約人,這裡見真章;因為會有很多原本聊得好地地的女生,突然變成已讀不回。我常用的句子就是:你下個星期有冇時間出嚟?449Please respect copyright.PENANAmtBoIakaSl
449Please respect copyright.PENANAJa7bYMltPq
來到了這一步,通常我都會得到的回應:449Please respect copyright.PENANA7cFQFjO3RM
1.)正面回應「Yes」。449Please respect copyright.PENANAN9PnEtnBhd
2.)正面回應「No」,然後就說沒有空,或者其他的理由。449Please respect copyright.PENANADbfvViTKdO
3.)直接被已讀不回。449Please respect copyright.PENANA7CvSseGkgh
4.)會繞過、轉移話題,或者跟自己說「傾多陣先啦」、「了解多陣先啦」。449Please respect copyright.PENANApKAR8F4bvf
449Please respect copyright.PENANAgWiRYe5sXj
如果只是反應2,那大可以過幾天再嘗試;但如果是反應3或4,基本上就是無解,這種情況對方很可能正在挑選男生,甚至「收兵」,或者太多男生找她,所以她沒空逐一理會。449Please respect copyright.PENANAw7NsIuTFix
449Please respect copyright.PENANAmyOMylpdwK
一月中旬,在一個和暖的冬日,我窩在被子裡,剛好在放假,在懶床的我剛剛睡醒。449Please respect copyright.PENANAZJUeSuEIeZ
449Please respect copyright.PENANA7LV9MFoYA5
冷天氣再加上舒適的被窩,使我即使醒了也不願下床,於是我隨手執起放在床邊的手機。449Please respect copyright.PENANAuITrxXBGg9
449Please respect copyright.PENANAlt5wxCA2oS
Bumble發了通知給我,原來我又有新配對了。449Please respect copyright.PENANA932WTao9fR
449Please respect copyright.PENANAr1seM0wHnh
Priscilla,25歲,比我大一年,大頭照的她戴上了圓框眼鏡,揹著背囊,望向鏡頭嫣然一笑。那自然的笑,弄出兩個小酒窩。449Please respect copyright.PENANAaKxntYqLGz
449Please respect copyright.PENANARZQ6EshH86
「你是易服癖還是?」449Please respect copyright.PENANA1zahnvgVIC
449Please respect copyright.PENANA4BMijmXBRf
按進聊天箱,便看到她發給我的開場白。其實我很討厭使用「易服」這個字眼,過去實在有太多媒體使用這個字眼,來報道負面新聞,結果這容易令人誤以為,穿女裝就跟變態一詞劃上等號,是對偽娘一族群的污名化。449Please respect copyright.PENANA91s8ZL3ihy
449Please respect copyright.PENANAFE9Wjj4ryR
雖然不知道Priscilla說這句說話是有意還是無意,但我不會因為這一句開場白就直接判她死刑。449Please respect copyright.PENANALbvEsYUe3j
449Please respect copyright.PENANAfaOo1HhXjp
我:只是想當偽娘449Please respect copyright.PENANA1D6P2UUEfD
449Please respect copyright.PENANAGNizpljOfV
Priscilla:那你喜歡的是男還是女?449Please respect copyright.PENANAEOmPovW5cl
449Please respect copyright.PENANANEZkYGnPht
我:女449Please respect copyright.PENANAGY1uGhQJCj
449Please respect copyright.PENANARskkQMhddK
看她的文字,應該是大陸人吧?不過她的每字每句都從不打簡體字的。449Please respect copyright.PENANA3905h2y1xk
449Please respect copyright.PENANAlB42WazHnN
我:我平日也少很穿女裝。449Please respect copyright.PENANAZYLOn4Grek
我:都是男裝為主。449Please respect copyright.PENANALRjkcdijdI
我:你應該都看到我的男裝吧?449Please respect copyright.PENANAsC521YLvCm
449Please respect copyright.PENANA3JM3e9Dp2J
Priscilla:哈哈449Please respect copyright.PENANAUbf9NNE6cD
Priscilla:(宇智波)鼬?449Please respect copyright.PENANAyFcwrPe4KD
449Please respect copyright.PENANAFEHUSk5P2C
我:不是!那只是在cosplay 活動穿。449Please respect copyright.PENANAfwdNpTlyl9
我:對啦,你下個星期有時間去cafe嗎?449Please respect copyright.PENANA91lY9fUI6a
449Please respect copyright.PENANA3WfyoyApOJ
Priscilla:可以呀。449Please respect copyright.PENANAmLjY2Mz9zA
449Please respect copyright.PENANAhkLOb3QSt4
我:那,下星期一就去urban cafe一起看貓?449Please respect copyright.PENANAQCJaKcnOhn
我:在旺角出站449Please respect copyright.PENANAib54Zx3i5J
449Please respect copyright.PENANAxjkDiKYxjL
Priscilla:好呀。449Please respect copyright.PENANAgx3QpPRePC
449Please respect copyright.PENANApO89LXRaUK
安排好約會之後的幾天裡,我都幾乎沒有刻意去聊天,基本上是不用長期聊天的。449Please respect copyright.PENANAIzPEC9TeFW
449Please respect copyright.PENANA94u2AeR89h
「明日4點旺角D出口等?」449Please respect copyright.PENANA1yStWTywRC
449Please respect copyright.PENANAJkkyfWMkyz
「好呀。」449Please respect copyright.PENANAXBViLOvBvK
449Please respect copyright.PENANAW8j1EwSR3Y
直接等到見面前的一天,發信息確認一次就好,見面時沒有放鴿子就要很感恩上天了。449Please respect copyright.PENANAYtVe9fcY8W
449Please respect copyright.PENANA7MhPqUkltC
1月17日,如我一向作風,一對一的見面,就當然是穿最好的男裝出來;也如先前的安排,我在旺角站初遇Priscilla。449Please respect copyright.PENANAPbKF1I42r8
449Please respect copyright.PENANAKXrfMfdRXj
現實見到的她,跟網上的她,樣子上必定有分別,我早已做好了心理準備。還好,沒有想像的差,大概接近平均值,4.5/10吧,說不上很差。她的樣子只有在笑的時候才好看,平日不笑時卻顯得有點臉僵。449Please respect copyright.PENANA9t0IfMIdjm
449Please respect copyright.PENANADuGOemQTiU
Priscilla:點樣行?449Please respect copyright.PENANA45hQ3iQZWT
449Please respect copyright.PENANAFxxadjTblE
原來她也會講廣東話,而且發音也很純正。449Please respect copyright.PENANAN1cYQ7Yle3
449Please respect copyright.PENANAdE3ZYla9Fj
我身穿白色系的男裝外套,而她穿的是紅色系的廿蓬鬆過膝裙,很漢服風格。那身高大概在160-165cm,都是我的理想型,因為剛好能與我這個180cm的男生相配。449Please respect copyright.PENANAZNdxg4mOEe
449Please respect copyright.PENANAnE6LxIqhqu
2022,在疫情肆虐下的香港,大陸也封關了,旺角裡那些施著行李箱、沒有修養的大媽也消聲匿跡,只見人人都戴上口罩,偶爾有本地的樂團在西洋菜南街上唱著抒情的廣東話歌,我喜歡這樣的市容(雖然我知道旺角街道一向都不好得去哪)。449Please respect copyright.PENANAqtuXcgmOw7
449Please respect copyright.PENANAqxSOhDMNSK
我:我帶你行,係呢邊。449Please respect copyright.PENANAKmnPZs1GHG
449Please respect copyright.PENANAjYJ9QNZxA4
於是,我就為Priscilla帶路。449Please respect copyright.PENANAK3Zs2dHkA8
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我係偽娘 喺交友app上遇到千奇百趣嘅事(80%假人真事)[第四愛/偽GL]
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我係偽娘 喺交友app上遇到千奇百趣嘅事(80%假人真事)[第四愛/偽GL]
作者:
雨神

篇 #47
Ch.24(終章:part1/2)寫繁體字,講廣東話嘅大陸妹
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