No Plagiarism!IcXtJJPi7cPQShFhMlHKposted on PENANA
零器8964 copyright protection402PENANADJ3tk2k17c 維尼
廣告回來406Please respect copyright.PENANApEtY3K3Rsq
再次歡迎大家收看8964 copyright protection402PENANAFQZ4YYZW0Y 維尼
東南8964 copyright protection402PENANAQLDli3Iaq5 維尼
Helloooooooo8964 copyright protection402PENANAYSKyfQgJCU 維尼
零器8964 copyright protection402PENANAebMsPkWciv 維尼
廣告前,12位參賽者經過的選擇門406Please respect copyright.PENANAYrXJWhmqM9
當中只有4位通過406Please respect copyright.PENANALFH7W7ypwD
一位得到誠意✊✊的機會!406Please respect copyright.PENANA5dubukxoMA
接下來就看看其他11位囉8964 copyright protection402PENANAQRELjkazbr 維尼
首先第一位登場的是406Please respect copyright.PENANAg11bczBEft
子鶱的作品——8964 copyright protection402PENANAyYkxtIUyg5 維尼
406Please respect copyright.PENANAFUDjruB5fr
8964 copyright protection402PENANAVZEcoiIQno 維尼
七十•七萬•七十億8964 copyright protection402PENANAqH6aOrf8mB 維尼
406Please respect copyright.PENANA8d69DjYtVm
8964 copyright protection402PENANAj80Cua5uuO 維尼
紀言8964 copyright protection402PENANAYiPGeQQ4Fx 維尼
以阿美的明星夢起夢醒貫穿,故事完整,也能帶出作者想表達的意思。406Please respect copyright.PENANAT7nV6AzCiC
可是,整個故事有點流水帳的感覺,角色的塑造亦不夠立體,未能使讀者代入角色的遭遇,如果能多加描述,將字數拉長至兩倍左右,應該會更感人。8964 copyright protection402PENANACnprLDDZYY 維尼
東南8964 copyright protection402PENANA1VFyjvDEeJ 維尼
我一直幫本篇作品改了個花名做下一站天后,因為我覺得是個很「追明星夢」的題材,而且故事完整度頗高,所以我對本作頗為讚賞。406Please respect copyright.PENANAwQcMXRh9zg
同意紀言的觀點,就是故事有少少流水賬,編排與節奏上仍有改進空間。406Please respect copyright.PENANA0HLENEidbD
作者把四千字全部聚焦在阿美身上,使其經歷飽滿地刻畫了出來,可惜的是阿美的塑造略嫌平板缺少深度,雖然經歷有了,心路歷程都有了,但缺少了點立體感。406Please respect copyright.PENANAZDCcUSHENj
可中段的故事也平淡了點,而且因為所有焦點都聚焦在阿美身上,其他角色就相對模糊了一點,其實還有六千字,有些位都可以盡量刻畫下,豐富一下其他角色,這樣或許會更好。8964 copyright protection402PENANAzTzwwUg4Rw 維尼
楓成8964 copyright protection402PENANADmaVrSJd7t 維尼
相當不錯的故事佈局,更起了首尾呼應的效果。406Please respect copyright.PENANAHadFvJxPmo
從女主角(阿SA!?)被紙醉金迷的世界繼而忘掉初衷,到最後重新回到起點之地,想回了那個熱愛歌唱的自己。406Please respect copyright.PENANAFjGgjhgxpo
值得提醒的是,文筆略有待改進。406Please respect copyright.PENANALOtzmzSRDx
若行文再嚴謹一點,這篇作品足以進入前十之列。8964 copyright protection402PENANAaJwhFySUUu 維尼
零器8964 copyright protection402PENANAUBIxmAArGy 維尼
三位都已經給出了意見了406Please respect copyright.PENANAnpO8CTwT4z
到底這篇下一站天后會得到多少⭕️呢?406Please respect copyright.PENANANhasDAYs3w
準備好了嗎?8964 copyright protection402PENANA8dyp8ly9L4 維尼
東南8964 copyright protection402PENANAj6TzA8GFue 維尼
ok8964 copyright protection402PENANAKkpATwaRCH 維尼
零器8964 copyright protection402PENANAHcTBRV2yqx 維尼
我們來8964 copyright protection402PENANAyBr2Pmekcs 維尼
3406Please respect copyright.PENANAMMvXxKib4G
2406Please respect copyright.PENANAytWjEk7zcV
18964 copyright protection402PENANAYXWDaHHY4a 維尼
8964 copyright protection402PENANANtnpo3vpnE 維尼
東南8964 copyright protection402PENANAGRdjgjhqtM 維尼
對不起QAQ8964 copyright protection402PENANAqP9TVCcYgq 維尼
零器8964 copyright protection402PENANAgX0BrjMOHi 維尼
……406Please respect copyright.PENANA24IM34CISN
又是可怕的三叉!406Please respect copyright.PENANAzi23WE6yex
三位有甚麼想安慰一下的嗎?8964 copyright protection402PENANAZXdb5SNYYx 維尼
東南8964 copyright protection402PENANAH1OpIBXjRp 維尼
QAQ8964 copyright protection402PENANAwGOCIV967e 維尼
我覺得........................406Please respect copyright.PENANAK2hSr0tQli
(細聲說)是圈太少了..8964 copyright protection402PENANAPlOszr2rK4 維尼
楓成8964 copyright protection402PENANA27NA09sZCC 維尼
不錯的作品,奈何對手強勁8964 copyright protection402PENANAlw8QHzpodc 維尼
紀言8964 copyright protection402PENANA4Nb77Ho632 維尼
期待復活賽再見8964 copyright protection402PENANAdLi4ZJZF04 維尼
東南8964 copyright protection402PENANAhWRdCxZGwf 維尼
嗯,評語上面都說得差不多了。406Please respect copyright.PENANAkyg2yOGi2q
其實可以從中見到作者的潛力的。不要灰心,復活賽再見!8964 copyright protection402PENANAOTGkyJw69T 維尼
零器8964 copyright protection402PENANAenAzDcyHpX 維尼
子鶱,聽到了嗎?要加油哦!8964 copyright protection402PENANA1q3PtYNv9C 維尼
好的。406Please respect copyright.PENANAGXwyaoONZI
接下來上場的參賽者是……406Please respect copyright.PENANAPgjCw3pmea
migt的作品——8964 copyright protection402PENANAJiiNAFAjzQ 維尼
406Please respect copyright.PENANAEPj5gsszjv
8964 copyright protection402PENANAkNWEQvfJuw 維尼
十年回魂8964 copyright protection402PENANAi4Ig6zC1tB 維尼
406Please respect copyright.PENANAld5ows9iyb
8964 copyright protection402PENANAVLyubuvLcr 維尼
東南8964 copyright protection402PENANA5WbMuWdWv9 維尼
氣氛營造得相當不錯,真的會讓人覺得毛毛的感覺。406Please respect copyright.PENANAoo0XKEa3G6
只可惜的是沒有故事,就變成單純作者氣氛把控的show。406Please respect copyright.PENANArb1bEOXdjC
哎喲其實還有六千字左右,不妨把它完成了嘛。406Please respect copyright.PENANAw1mcIF7hr9
現在太過意猶未盡,未必是件好事哦。8964 copyright protection402PENANALtZMgjM3Jm 維尼
紀言8964 copyright protection402PENANA4HO71ZX91E 維尼
東南很怕鬼故的……(奸笑)406Please respect copyright.PENANAoHB7TocpBy
不過也認同恐怖氣氛營造得不俗喇,但是日記形式的解謎會使讀者的投入感減低,最後的高潮位如能將懸疑感再推上一層相信會更佳。8964 copyright protection402PENANAiqMkpcjNUT 維尼
楓成8964 copyright protection402PENANA9gZbGURxRP 維尼
一開始看下去,氣氛等等都營造得相當不錯,令我心生期待。406Please respect copyright.PENANATWtTMxAcm7
算是不錯的驚慄故事,也相當切題。只是建議在故事中對於主人公再多一點的描寫,若是太過於執著劇情、驚慄的故事而忽略了對主角的描寫,讀者難以替主角感到緊張繼而代入。406Please respect copyright.PENANAfqrTOTDqUU
再恐怖一點,恐怕東南就不敢看了嘿嘿。8964 copyright protection402PENANAhXtozGB5Ng 維尼
零器8964 copyright protection402PENANAtacWHi9zhz 維尼
這部讓人毛毛的作品406Please respect copyright.PENANAHYNCwfHND7
到底又逃不逃得過三叉的下場呢?406Please respect copyright.PENANA85bWyWzFTl
準備好了吧?406Please respect copyright.PENANABw06o0TWHA
一起來8964 copyright protection402PENANAyQ1RZAO9Xv 維尼
3406Please respect copyright.PENANAysg3ramr53
2406Please respect copyright.PENANAEc1jPDDUNJ
18964 copyright protection402PENANAQPsTX4LctZ 維尼
8964 copyright protection402PENANAJiXFShhyes 維尼
零器8964 copyright protection402PENANAYMm08RAguY 維尼
可惡!8964 copyright protection402PENANA4iB0vg3Bvf 維尼
紀言8964 copyright protection402PENANAo0TOz0pI8B 維尼
有點可惜~406Please respect copyright.PENANAIbPQuy3xf3
他的懸疑感很夠406Please respect copyright.PENANAe7RNydytvk
只是劇情上稍有欠缺8964 copyright protection402PENANAGvUshWLnCJ 維尼
東南8964 copyright protection402PENANAXjpn1IfjGp 維尼
評語上面也說清楚了。406Please respect copyright.PENANAi1ccJECyeh
其實我覺得作者營造氣氛真的做得很好,奈何劇情上面確實差了點。406Please respect copyright.PENANAEaUQyWJdwt
希望繼續努力!復活賽再來一篇鬼故!衝啊!8964 copyright protection402PENANAGnQKr8axPq 維尼
楓成8964 copyright protection402PENANAPbnNyG3BqR 維尼
若在故事劇情及人物多著墨,會是競爭前十的強力人選8964 copyright protection402PENANAPCBbX5pKf8 維尼
紀言8964 copyright protection402PENANAJjjq904Ay4 維尼
期待復活戰讓東南嚇得不敢看!8964 copyright protection402PENANAM8CynxYRXa 維尼
零器8964 copyright protection402PENANAnxt8N9s5pI 維尼
希望migt 能從評審們的建議中有所得益哦!406Please respect copyright.PENANAS3iCm4edb0
然後重點是要嚇倒東南ww8964 copyright protection402PENANAGwxCnbn4xA 維尼
好了406Please respect copyright.PENANA9MuF9mhS2a
下一位參賽者又準備好上場囉406Please respect copyright.PENANAImHNI4411m
他是御林君,作品——8964 copyright protection402PENANA9TATqB7zVl 維尼
406Please respect copyright.PENANACMvXeuYyHg
8964 copyright protection402PENANAcEqsCqK3Sx 維尼
花開花落終有時,相逢相聚本無意8964 copyright protection402PENANA0QvSrk3vyY 維尼
406Please respect copyright.PENANASXY3aqwmSl
8964 copyright protection402PENANAVsu1UrnH45 維尼
東南8964 copyright protection402PENANAdR1g8wsrld 維尼
文筆不俗,可惜的是故事過於平鋪直敘,而且盡量避免用對白推進故事,太多對白的話容易減低讀者看下去的意欲。8964 copyright protection402PENANAY7QJo1OmWb 維尼
紀言8964 copyright protection402PENANA9gJP03pavp 維尼
見到作者努力建立自己的行文風格,不過現時仍稍見沙石,相信假以時日會更精進。406Please respect copyright.PENANALdoE5wvO2p
兩位主角的對比鮮明,如果劇情上能多加轉折應該會更佳。8964 copyright protection402PENANAZHzcwBrESZ 維尼
楓成8964 copyright protection402PENANAa495yLoTEq 維尼
同意兩位看法,繼續加油。8964 copyright protection402PENANArnSYKfwwEI 維尼
零器8964 copyright protection402PENANAKxMA9JzvMT 維尼
聽起來好像有點不太樂觀呢……8964 copyright protection402PENANADVP2om0VkM 維尼
楓成8964 copyright protection402PENANA0mYZbUeoG8 維尼
沒事沒事…8964 copyright protection402PENANAFJeyu0zx31 維尼
零器8964 copyright protection402PENANAtHkWc5akmo 維尼
不過沒關係406Please respect copyright.PENANAkh8a2hiiS4
御林君,我們一起來迎接結果吧!406Please respect copyright.PENANAaafuYbAWcq
準備好了吧?8964 copyright protection402PENANAZUf7vZBf6E 維尼
3406Please respect copyright.PENANAnrFTXKVMTR
2406Please respect copyright.PENANAjwiJx0ijSO
18964 copyright protection402PENANAqUVHahNGRW 維尼
8964 copyright protection402PENANApwwZgUAhRf 維尼
零器8964 copyright protection402PENANAmEXZ2nF4RB 維尼
可惜了,謝謝御林君的參賽。406Please respect copyright.PENANA90Z6e6Lr6y
別忘了我們還有復活賽哦8964 copyright protection402PENANAVmMUyZz2NV 維尼
可怕的三叉已經出現了三次406Please respect copyright.PENANARp7BTSxw4F
到底接下來的這位參賽者可以打破這局面了嗎?406Please respect copyright.PENANAJmbhfyc6c7
接下來的是……406Please respect copyright.PENANACpeOLaNkW7
文楓!8964 copyright protection402PENANA3ocyiHEcRz 維尼
406Please respect copyright.PENANAOsjQt5o1qO
8964 copyright protection402PENANAZjVJNoXbhR 維尼
星光,燭光和火光8964 copyright protection402PENANA05tkTCdtDG 維尼
406Please respect copyright.PENANA7pKnNcBpnp
8964 copyright protection402PENANAdu7vGJ8Bd3 維尼
東南8964 copyright protection402PENANAOWAhJ4UH01 維尼
頗具完成度的西方奇幻小說。406Please respect copyright.PENANARfOvZJo65u
開首的佈局讓我非常期待接下來的發展,可惜尾段有點趕,以致看上去有點虎頭蛇尾的感覺。406Please respect copyright.PENANAiOvJi4uhf6
故事去到中間時,十年後必須兩個死一個,其實是一個不錯的切入點,女巫與養女之間,對於這點其實可以寫多一點劇情。406Please respect copyright.PENANAOwcFCxEmOr
我不知道是因為時間太趕,還是作者有意為之,如今的收尾就顯得有點可惜了。8964 copyright protection402PENANAkmxbV7BAFv 維尼
紀言8964 copyright protection402PENANAkKXma869Dc 維尼
嘛,為了趕死線而草草收尾的事,大家也經歷過啊~以前大半部分來說,我還是很看好的。406Please respect copyright.PENANAY4P6husGFK
獵巫的世界觀完整,故事感情細膩動人。406Please respect copyright.PENANA7MZsKPSYzA
略嫌可惜的是結尾收得有點草率,沒有全部呼應前面的伏筆。8964 copyright protection402PENANAbhwO4GgIqH 維尼
楓成8964 copyright protection402PENANArd7FmkLdHX 維尼
很難說的一部參賽作品。406Please respect copyright.PENANAcZmiNOMx8L
前中段表現出色,但到後段直線下降,令心生強烈反差感。406Please respect copyright.PENANA3bNIz1Kvl0
以獵巫為背景,不論是女巫、惡魔及人類孩子的佈局也是相當有趣。406Please respect copyright.PENANAebKro0RijE
只是結局有種草草了事的感覺,並沒能把前中段鋪墊良久的情感進行爆發,有點可惜。406Please respect copyright.PENANAkeJzLpltga
宏觀整部作品仍屬不錯的作品,很期待你的進步及完整的故事作品。8964 copyright protection402PENANAaYqCkn2Og5 維尼
零器8964 copyright protection402PENANAbvLCRNwXUd 維尼
這部西方奇幻的作品406Please respect copyright.PENANAUt5Mh6QEPa
可以得到評審們的青睞嗎?8964 copyright protection402PENANAsG6OlATqlz 維尼
楓成8964 copyright protection402PENANAxWZDhwsrxC 維尼
嗯……406Please respect copyright.PENANAnJTwckIy5e
這個需要慎重考慮(認真8964 copyright protection402PENANAKU63JtFjf1 維尼
東南8964 copyright protection402PENANAnObqYSBnkV 維尼
= =|||406Please respect copyright.PENANAvwrMcEdKmy
唉406Please respect copyright.PENANAMQ46mP4TkO
這個真有點糾結8964 copyright protection402PENANAnOiberkOk1 維尼
紀言8964 copyright protection402PENANA3sX5RuNvxm 維尼
嘛⋯⋯8964 copyright protection402PENANAf2m97xvMx8 維尼
零器8964 copyright protection402PENANA8RlxloKhGQ 維尼
三位還需要點時間嗎?8964 copyright protection402PENANADSFfEUrVvO 維尼
東南8964 copyright protection402PENANAbMI1qeRMv4 維尼
但按實力而言應該沒問題的406Please respect copyright.PENANAfNJVBg2i5m
來吧406Please respect copyright.PENANARSx9jsmAQk
要來終究要來8964 copyright protection402PENANATrD5KtmReM 維尼
紀言8964 copyright protection402PENANAfzuknDOcX7 維尼
來!8964 copyright protection402PENANAHZQeLzChbg 維尼
零器8964 copyright protection402PENANAkZUGBghopP 維尼
來囉8964 copyright protection402PENANAYfAgYyye9d 維尼
3406Please respect copyright.PENANAX5YFV41WTB
2406Please respect copyright.PENANAULUhsmQfn4
18964 copyright protection402PENANAKXp6pC5Rv8 維尼
8964 copyright protection402PENANAVyzZk1VQPO 維尼
東南8964 copyright protection402PENANAfkHVQyKIq7 維尼
.......................8964 copyright protection402PENANAd74lQsFGzz 維尼
楓成8964 copyright protection402PENANAF4t2cruQVn 維尼
……8964 copyright protection402PENANAKc30TTne9L 維尼
紀言8964 copyright protection402PENANAZkk4LEU1u7 維尼
Nani406Please respect copyright.PENANAoPt8tqDg4C
⋯⋯⋯⋯8964 copyright protection402PENANAbc0d2tt8pc 維尼
東南8964 copyright protection402PENANAfYIO6Fd6lk 維尼
啊?你們怎麼不給圈?406Please respect copyright.PENANAGg1PWxVihl
癡線8964 copyright protection402PENANAK2T5HauzIV 維尼
楓成8964 copyright protection402PENANAtrtWNk8p3z 維尼
你們不是給圈嗎?8964 copyright protection402PENANAOt58HicsJW 維尼
零器8964 copyright protection402PENANAd2GWnwvLH3 維尼
可惜了……8964 copyright protection402PENANAWPpYvxuws9 維尼
紀言8964 copyright protection402PENANAqj2BvFzFFE 維尼
我還以為⋯⋯406Please respect copyright.PENANAfdfGDzEvRt
慢著慢著8964 copyright protection402PENANAeqTyghMavn 維尼
東南8964 copyright protection402PENANAUn4kEeWIXW 維尼
喂喂喂8964 copyright protection402PENANAFHFv32MuIp 維尼
楓成8964 copyright protection402PENANAF6urUc0tUv 維尼
我沒有足夠的圈啦8964 copyright protection402PENANABy1zfkoVxt 維尼
東南8964 copyright protection402PENANANE5okS9V6k 維尼
............406Please respect copyright.PENANATHoLN2SAbi
哎呀........406Please respect copyright.PENANA89Wx8r7Sv5
我以為你們兩個圈我就省下一個8964 copyright protection402PENANA93g5LTMvS5 維尼
零器8964 copyright protection402PENANA4gfadnfcbf 維尼
這賽果406Please respect copyright.PENANAEVJNnJ2IUU
讓人太震驚了8964 copyright protection402PENANAVaynESrQty 維尼
紀言8964 copyright protection402PENANAu1ikgH7rmC 維尼
先別到下一篇8964 copyright protection402PENANAaLWNc5qY0A 維尼
東南8964 copyright protection402PENANAW04H8mBvIy 維尼
!!!!406Please respect copyright.PENANAK8ib2wb04o
紀師父!?8964 copyright protection402PENANAySzB2kuUG2 維尼
紀言8964 copyright protection402PENANANoVSAX5irC 維尼
8964 copyright protection402PENANAgBUMZGzTSD 維尼
紀言8964 copyright protection402PENANA6IawI4lhPS 維尼
!!!!!!!!406Please respect copyright.PENANAaACFIqN4vr
把他給我救回來8964 copyright protection402PENANAWysvHAEGYv 維尼
東南8964 copyright protection402PENANAHTeNYEcOX8 維尼
癡線406Please respect copyright.PENANA2JU2nT5IPh
有沒有那麼帥氣8964 copyright protection402PENANADmF7rPIz4g 維尼
楓成8964 copyright protection402PENANAoZdmbb1s91 維尼
竟然406Please respect copyright.PENANAviYebFXasK
是傳說中的拳法8964 copyright protection402PENANAkchNdm8SyG 維尼
但你明明給❌406Please respect copyright.PENANATZSkppYoTA
……8964 copyright protection402PENANAg9M7OI0YKV 維尼
紀言8964 copyright protection402PENANAFIRX5vGy9B 維尼
暴力救市8964 copyright protection402PENANA5EdIOoWSjE 維尼
東南8964 copyright protection402PENANA687PFxiHaF 維尼
自己給❌然後自己給誠意拳拳406Please respect copyright.PENANAGTb29Z7O1M
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哪怕最後主角回到踢石頭的剎那,哪怕他沒能改變到甚麼,但內心大概也因為救了另一個平行時空的自己而感到欣慰吧。406Please respect copyright.PENANAVqx21NlxJD
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他的故事8964 copyright protection402PENANA7aKvCfyC1o 維尼
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是次比賽中少見的古風小説,文筆縱帶點青澀但已見古意,情感方面仍需琢磨,但不失為一部處女佳作。8964 copyright protection402PENANAVEgDdo4Yzz 維尼
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處女作而言已算不錯,加油!8964 copyright protection402PENANAzHwkHF8o6u 維尼
古風掌握得到位,雖然劇情方面稍微薄弱,但文筆秀麗同整個武俠感的塑造十分成功,讓整體瑕不掩瑜,值得一讚。406Please respect copyright.PENANAUN67GDUb8U
劇情方面有少少以倒敘與插敘的方式寫郡主與師叔的感情。406Please respect copyright.PENANAvGoGwYAvf9
這樣的手法雖無不可,但建議可以從多一點的角度去描寫,從不同人的視覺豐富兩個角色。406Please respect copyright.PENANA6gNt9K6Dg5
而師徒戀在宋朝絕對是禁忌,這點也可以透過劇情發揮多點。8964 copyright protection402PENANAN6R8vNJs5h 維尼
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很不錯的武俠小說參賽作品,要在短短篇幅撰寫出武俠及江湖是一件相當困難的事情。但筆者還是做了,而且相當成功。406Please respect copyright.PENANApoEOjQRVpT
最出色還是當中的文筆相當成熟,用詞遣字非常出色。406Please respect copyright.PENANAwZGw0hx60b
只要在劇情那邊多補回一些不足,將會是相當有潛力的。406Please respect copyright.PENANANKs0Nf7xj2
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呼……(拍胸8964 copyright protection402PENANApng2WznmQE 維尼
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恐怖的女人8964 copyright protection402PENANA3o5D146Fak 維尼
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好了www8964 copyright protection402PENANAsmIAH7masS 維尼
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哦,他到了。406Please respect copyright.PENANACC2MVlwzlZ
他是1號參賽者香淚月8964 copyright protection402PENANAN046PG5DAl 維尼
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一夜十年8964 copyright protection402PENANA7cawcii0TB 維尼
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文筆不俗,但要注意下故事編排與節奏。406Please respect copyright.PENANAXGsnkyRSM0
當中父親死因屬於高潮位,雖然情緒是做到出來了,但也無可奈何,變成「噢是這樣嗎?只能這樣了」的感覺。406Please respect copyright.PENANAYCxShf8e7F
當然這種是最「真實」的,但作為說故事而言,或許前段的鋪排多點說父親身體如何壯健,從來沒有病,到中段主角懷疑父親是有暗病,自顧自憐埋怨不幸,到最後才發現真相,讓她決心離去。406Please respect copyright.PENANAd7lBoNnEGx
有了這樣的起承轉合,讀者才會比較容易代入你筆下角色的心路歷程。8964 copyright protection402PENANAd95bniOx9j 維尼
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同意文筆的部分,但作者確實在編排與節奏方面有待改進。親情的互動頗感人和細膩,可惜開首鋪墊不足,末段又結束得太快。406Please respect copyright.PENANAjPdj5OcLE8
由於作者只寫了三千多字,而且是第一個交稿的,應該還很有發展的空間。406Please respect copyright.PENANAOHX470ps80
文筆不錯,不過也許受題目影響,文中多次出現「十年」二字,就顯得有點刻意貼題了。8964 copyright protection402PENANApdEw7BfEED 維尼
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文筆方面兩位都交帶得差不多。406Please respect copyright.PENANAVvyPsickNE
故事作品的描寫代表作者對世界、社會的想法,但奈何故事性有所欠缺。406Please respect copyright.PENANAsfpdq25Lhp
比起小說,更傾向散文。406Please respect copyright.PENANArwS2dSUEuQ
宜加強橋段的構思,仔細反思故事橋段並從中表達自己想要表達的意思,或有奇效。8964 copyright protection402PENANAVVlO7i8j5R 維尼
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一起來!8964 copyright protection402PENANAUfdKafZEf8 維尼
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嗯406Please respect copyright.PENANAFpyB9Xa0cS
文筆是很秀麗的,可造之材,希望繼續努力!8964 copyright protection402PENANAKeP0FFYf6F 維尼
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如果交稿後能花多點時間再修飾,應該也是能一爭的喇8964 copyright protection402PENANAVpXwxotPB0 維尼
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別氣餒,還有復活的機會的!8964 copyright protection402PENANAm0rDxJizhU 維尼
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我錯了8964 copyright protection402PENANAu9ZBSRWZuh 維尼
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