曾經有一段時間,我非常非常希望自己遇見一個人,一個我很喜歡她,她也很喜歡我的朋友,並且她可以療癒我過去的傷口,成為照亮我的光芒。我一度以為某個人是我的光,因為是我主動跟她搭話我們才逐漸熟悉起來的,並且她也從來沒有說過我奇怪,她甚至還是我第一個帶回家玩、相約一起吃飯的朋友,我們還都喜歡古風、喜歡小說,雖然她喜歡的是耽美,但我們確實有一段玩得很開心的時光,儘管現在早就什麼都沒有了。經過和她的事件之後,我有一段很崩潰的時間,情緒不穩定到差點被帶去看身心科的那種程度,度過那段時期後,我一直在瘋狂的尋求答案,我看書、找學校輔導老師、找網路輔導甚至跟不同的老師、學姊、大人聊天(被迫的),但我一直找不到我要的答案,我不知道我為什麼會不被喜歡,為什麼朋友會不斷的離開我,為什麼我這麼努力了還是不夠。總之呢,渡過那一段時間後,我的結論就是,答案只有自己能夠給自己吧,其他人是無法給你的,而也只有自己能成為自己的光,因為來源於他人的光,你不知道何時會熄滅,一旦熄滅了自己就會崩潰啊。我以前跟“光”說過我的內心想法,她說她覺得很中二,但再中二這些也確確實實是我心底最深處的想法與傷痛。
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心靈廢料區
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