「咁你呢,又點呀?」515Please respect copyright.PENANAwEnmqH6s7X
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阿樂問。這段時間,他和青青接觸得不多,他們的吃飯時間,各有各。515Please respect copyright.PENANAMWdMmUcwu3
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「托賴,幾好吖。」515Please respect copyright.PENANADUEjXT5B3y
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「你咁樣叫幾好?咪玩啦。」515Please respect copyright.PENANA3EttLnehXo
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即使不夠光,但阿樂還是看得出青青的憔悴,突然又說:「上磅睇吓。」515Please respect copyright.PENANAVUoqdR2lEB
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阿樂想確認是不是他的錯覺——他覺得青青越來越瘦。515Please respect copyright.PENANANhuKqqvzbr
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然後搬出體重磅,叫她站上去,電子屏幕顯示37.1kg,身高只得米五多一點的她其實不特別瘦,只是脂肪輕。515Please respect copyright.PENANAZdbBRPOywI
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「搞咩啊,宜家仲要係夜晚,啫係已經重咗……515Please respect copyright.PENANAiwLLTSOSYW
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我煮啲飯唔好食咩?你遲啲返到屋企,你阿媽會唔會以為我哋唔俾飽飯你食㗎?」515Please respect copyright.PENANAnSa6KXXVNm
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阿樂卻知道她的臉一點點地削下去,原本包得很的圓臉已經消減,和她Instagram的舊相差很遠。515Please respect copyright.PENANAdagrpmmzON
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「好食吖,已經慢慢食多咗㗎啦!未到啫未到啫。」她說。515Please respect copyright.PENANA7TEyj0FuHH
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失戀之後,青青的身體差了很多。晚上失眠只在被窩裏漆黑地消耗入睡的耐心,入睡之後卻不斷醒來,有時被雨聲吵醒,有時是發夢嚇醒,有時就是不知何故就醒,每天都只能睡一會兒。515Please respect copyright.PENANARrlzPvXfEH
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白天的胃口不是特別好,總感覺整個人都很暈。515Please respect copyright.PENANAgXzaF43Hks
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她有吃飯,但也就是為了活命吃的,有時感覺不到餓就隨便吃兩口,即使阿樂煮得很好。晚上又會忽然有心癮暴食,吃完之後又覺得愧疚。515Please respect copyright.PENANAqUWIHiaNT5
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她的憔悴體現在臉上,眼皮的膠原蛋白流失,眼窩就變深,令她的雙眼皮有點老氣。黑眼圈也明顯,連上眼皮都像塗了大地色系眼影一樣。515Please respect copyright.PENANAxO2ea8x3Vt
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月經來了一個多星期後,下體又少量出血,不知何故;頭髮大把大把的掉,面臨少年脫髮危機;胃在反覆的飽和餓之間,經常隱隱作痛。515Please respect copyright.PENANANUBi7NB9qb
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每天都不想做任何事。515Please respect copyright.PENANAeoMVrWf9ZW
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如果看數字,她確實跌磅了,上年的八月她比現在重五公斤。515Please respect copyright.PENANAPxT0S6eEIb
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明明,她是她家人、朋友的寶,為什麼要這樣自我折磨呢?看來脫落的不只是曲折的頭髮,看來還有智商和理智……515Please respect copyright.PENANA9M5GBnnzGz
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明明,她很清楚,就算她橫屍街頭,已離棄她的人都不會在意,最多像看新聞那樣心裏閃過一刻的惻然,假裝悲情地歎一口氣,然後遺忘她的存在、過自己的快活日子。515Please respect copyright.PENANAPoaQfCn5U4
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阿樂向青青投向懷疑的眼神,她再強調:515Please respect copyright.PENANA778RXzNwgP
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「放心啦,邊睇得出。而且,我已經有食返多啲嘢啦。」515Please respect copyright.PENANAdeSbRj2ILk
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「係咪酸嘢易入口啲?聽日煲番茄湯?」515Please respect copyright.PENANAeOPL5VDouJ
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「好——」她的聲音戛然而止,又說:「我諗緊聽日出唔出街。」515Please respect copyright.PENANAgF4k7OM8Hm
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最近的好多事,她都不想和好朋友說,因為其實也只是小事吧;而且,她的驕傲不允許她說太多真心的脆弱。515Please respect copyright.PENANAbmxIp6AJ7i
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此刻的環境,如阿樂剖白心聲那樣,感染了她,突然覺得晚上就應該大肆地分享,好的壞的也是。阿樂和她只相識了兩個月,她感覺可以在他面前不用握緊無謂的自尊。515Please respect copyright.PENANAWUBJLeXrsM
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何況,他們如此親厚。515Please respect copyright.PENANAmVrDxQzBkq
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阿樂問:「去邊?」515Please respect copyright.PENANAcin33le3pm
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青青站起,去房拿出電話,決定給阿樂看她的WhatsApp對話。515Please respect copyright.PENANA5EDsk9N7CE
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她的一個中學同學Sean,從朋友處知道她失戀,然後開始頻繁地找她聊天,講一些曖昧的話。515Please respect copyright.PENANAa0H9jrIhPt
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青青直接問:「你想媾我?」515Please respect copyright.PENANAtH6YDwkCpq
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Sean回答:515Please respect copyright.PENANAZnpud7uFpT
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「係。515Please respect copyright.PENANAr1w1CRQoqS
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以前中學嗰陣我已經鍾意你,諗住DSE完就同你表白。但你嗰時已經有男朋友。所以,我都係冇講到出口,淨係Grad Din嗰陣揾咗你影相。」515Please respect copyright.PENANAbw06ON63Pr
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隔了兩小時,Sean見青青未有回覆,又道:515Please respect copyright.PENANApOYCsltWt5
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「不如我哋聽日出嚟食餐飯?」515Please respect copyright.PENANAxDFTcCKAxW
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阿樂看完後,說:「佢都幾積極吖,去吓囉。」515Please respect copyright.PENANAUXHwrBU7o1
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他完全沒有吃醋、難過。他認清,情感一時的高温驅使他對青青有意,但短短十幾天的時間已足以冷卻。反而,如今她聽他講心事,他也想做一樣的事。515Please respect copyright.PENANAvplH4ei6yb
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「唔知啊……好突然啊好似。」515Please respect copyright.PENANAIuGbaaymjL
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除了通識分組同一班、初中曾經同過班,青青和Sean根本沒有太多接觸,她都不知道他喜歡她什麼。不,應該說,她都不太認識Sean,她只知他成績不錯、朋友不少;長相若不是查看了Instagram,可能也陌生得記不起來。515Please respect copyright.PENANAmK7RxPSVv4
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「想試咪去囉。」阿樂鼓勵。515Please respect copyright.PENANAOncEmFD5qQ
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「想試啊,但係,又唔敢。」青青停頓數秒,又講:「都係算啦,唔會得㗎啦。」515Please respect copyright.PENANADJZa4D8L48
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她突然直覺和Sean不會後續了,她突然覺得毫無心思,在這寧靜的空間裏,分辨自己的念頭。她回覆Sean:515Please respect copyright.PENANAw5EtAZQyJg
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「Sorry,我唔想。多謝你。」515Please respect copyright.PENANAJnslv6oJ6Y
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阿樂邊看青青看電話,邊調侃她:515Please respect copyright.PENANAbri49SiLuh
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「咁我咪好好彩,話哂你都肯試。」515Please respect copyright.PENANAzP9oQdvZ0Z
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「係呀係呀。」她也笑。515Please respect copyright.PENANAzf4r9G1Qxw
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阿樂質疑:515Please respect copyright.PENANApJedyNOxTy
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「點解唔敢呀?唔係叫我狗衝㗎咩,要勇敢㗎嘛?」515Please respect copyright.PENANA5lkIyCk5AH
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青青思考,然後緩緩地道:515Please respect copyright.PENANAB1tH0Sa3df
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「我好驚啊因為。我太垃圾啦。515Please respect copyright.PENANACCuW08TJTz
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啫係,我成日都覺得,無論幾鍾意都好,最後都係會走咁。我頂唔順呀,我份人好撚老土㗎!拍拖要拍到八十歲,一生一世㗎嘛。但可能,真係太天真,宜家又仲咁後生。515Please respect copyright.PENANAtSvGDoLNLN
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我好唔鍾意呢一個過程——好唔容易先至全心全意認定一個人,由冷漠去到開始熱情、開始信任對方,然後佢就走咗去。其實係咪我問題?係唔係好易接受㗎?515Please respect copyright.PENANADdsVyFs3OA
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因為佢,好似一啲都冇唔捨得我啊。」515Please respect copyright.PENANAyCxjuGHGcO
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青青緊盯前方的電視,阿樂見狀,突然醒起什麼似的,開啟電視,又放了一隻DVD進去。515Please respect copyright.PENANAeadzQgA5ZO
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畫面出現一個火爐,火在熊熊燃燒。515Please respect copyright.PENANAfNRBmXdKPC
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「搞咩啊?」青青不解。515Please respect copyright.PENANAKKNWxfbBOS
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「之前買咗呢隻碟,播住睇,感覺個人會温暖啲。」515Please respect copyright.PENANA1NEWJJ5XDO
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「宜家夏天喎Ching!」515Please respect copyright.PENANALl6CSm7LDW
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「你個心咁凍,啱㗎啦。」515Please respect copyright.PENANAor08tHLYek
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阿樂微笑,青青覺得很奇異。515Please respect copyright.PENANAH7IsD3Ftwx
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電視上的火光在搖動,映在了他們的眼裏,也透着橙紅色的活潑。515Please respect copyright.PENANA6znzT0ARVy
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「OK啦。」她的心沒有變暖,但確實覺得很有趣,竟有人花錢買這種碟看。515Please respect copyright.PENANAVhpSVn1PK1
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「因為咁,所以唔信人?」515Please respect copyright.PENANAhpCJclR52P
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阿樂回到剛才的話題,青青正色:515Please respect copyright.PENANAKXORGgYNPy
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「係啊,好似覺得,無論對方幾愛,到最後都係會走。佢夠話愛我一生一世啦,夠話以後淨係愛我一個啦……起初唔信㗎我,後來我信,之後佢就飛咗我啦。515Please respect copyright.PENANAytDVGXuYTI
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頂……我成個怨婦咁。」515Please respect copyright.PENANAcp5oV2kP8W
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青青自嘲。乾癟癟地「哈」了一下。515Please respect copyright.PENANAsciFr4BsXw
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她發現自己有些恐懼。515Please respect copyright.PENANAHb73d8lxsW
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到底,曾經甜蜜如Matt的愛意,最後也化煙。明明是Matt追求青青、首先表達愛意,亦在戀愛中對她極好,令信心不足的她從懷疑到沉淪。515Please respect copyright.PENANA1W5kYMwx5e
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明明是他先到來入侵她的生活。仿佛,二人為新居添置不同的傢俬和私人物品一樣,眼見室內環境已經非常完善;但他宣佈要走,隨即撤離其私人物品,卻留下共同購買的傢俬,供她睹物思人、念記舊時歡喜;她卻因這居室過分和暖而心無怨懟,無法盡興地發洩情緒,獨得傷心在無眠夜裏壓着她。515Please respect copyright.PENANAvwgLUSXNiI
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最後,Matt離開。515Please respect copyright.PENANA85t5wibuBT
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她可笑地見證了這一段關係的興落,從築起到繁華,最終傾頹。515Please respect copyright.PENANAjNnZbpIEtE
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她始知,原來,愛情是這樣的一回事。愛,兩個人,開心,然後不開心。某些Happy ending,唯有期望將來會有。515Please respect copyright.PENANAwCn11z4Yuy
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阿樂破了她的處,沒有令她長大,那不過是幾個姿勢、幾番高潮、幾潭愛液,處女膜破裂,只是暫時的生理性疼痛。515Please respect copyright.PENANAzWlWOr0xnN
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但是,Matt的光臨與離任,真令她成為大人——不是好人、不是壞人,僅僅是一個「大人」,她開始明白許多道理,那些她有過的天真的熱愛,都冷硬起來,被摔到地上粉碎得無法拼湊,像攤開手就忘情飛揚的骨灰。515Please respect copyright.PENANABbt6MuE178
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是Matt教青青:愛情世界是殘酷的。曾經她想像過的一生一世,其實只是童話般的幻想……515Please respect copyright.PENANAPBbpy3EnhJ
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而他們,已過了讀童話的心境了,因只想窺探幸福快樂之後的日子。515Please respect copyright.PENANA1NW4HMigcX
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阿樂只好拍拍青青的肩。515Please respect copyright.PENANAqgMj8tnOpR
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此時,阿樂又冷不防地說了一句:515Please respect copyright.PENANAigxPYKEC3N
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「佢嗰句『Love you forever』,可能係Made in China。」515Please respect copyright.PENANADmZjH0YUW4
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青青被此話篤中笑點,覺得很抵死。
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《偏偏喜歡你》//我破咗個文青處,但佢唔肯同我一齊。
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《偏偏喜歡你》//我破咗個文青處,但佢唔肯同我一齊。
Author:
張羨青
ISSUE #37
神蹟(九)
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READS 511
BOOKMARKS 163
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