《窮撚被女飛之鳩闖魔法世界》 - 第一章 - 窮撚總要重複的被飛

「Come on, James，可唔可以成熟啲呀? 」2230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwcfE9uFMjn
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嘩屌！Come on James? 雖然我係叫占屎，但Evelyn你唔係要將陶公子嘅潮文同我講一次呀?2230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ11PMMzXxOr
2230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8fiQSFZrQv
我放下手上的星冰樂，有點傻眼的看著眼前的女朋友，Evelyn，她剛從澳洲Working Holiday回來一個月。我倆剛討論我們的未來，我只是有點敷衍的回答了一下，就得到了這句「Come on, James」。2230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD0FGLNYFkJ
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「你有無發覺，自從我喺Australia返嚟之後，我哋好似有啲唔夾? 」在Starfuck內，她一面調拌著眼前的Chamomile Tea，一面宣讀她的判詞，完全無視這杯Chamomile Tea其實係唔需要攪勻的。2230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4PSFjUJ5qD
2230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6gEXK6MjCs
「I mean，其實喺畢業之後，我哋嘅世界好似越嚟越遠，我諗，大家都到咗呢個年紀，係咪應該冷靜咁find out，點樣去解決呢場crisis呢? 」2230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSHmQLwRq8f
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我頂你個肺！你唔駛真係將篇潮文嘅對白背哂出嚟呀? 而家真係去過一年Working Holiday就大撚哂? 每講一句都要夾硬插啲英文單字入去?2230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡogSA7bb1m5
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雖然我不是潮文中滿臉暗瘡，架著銅絲眼鏡的毒撚，但這些對白一樣觸動了我的自尊神經。2230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdiqfPc5P6h
2230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfQgBqP1Hcz
我嘗試作出最後掙扎﹕「我知，你即係嫌棄我啫。你返到嚟就即刻入咗魔根屎單尼，你叻你好嘢。我只係做緊個文員仔，要返5日半仲要成日OT，我配你唔起，但我會努力賺錢，我哋公一份，婆一份，一樣可以買樓結婚㗎。」2230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqgGih1jnFr
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Evelyn輕輕搖頭，狀甚遺憾﹕「係Morgan Stanley。」她頓了頓，又道﹕「喺你眼中，我就係一個咁現實嘅女仔? 其實我哋嘅differences，喺畢業嗰陣已經出現，我有叫你同我一齊去Australia，但你點答我? 你話已經搵到工，話去一年嘥時間，我喺嗰刻就一直諗，我哋係咪屬於兩個唔同level嘅人。」2230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL1MszqT17j
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哪有錢！你老母！2230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDWfqFzFO45
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你明知道我一畢業就已經負資產，而且還要儲錢跟你結婚，那還可以浪費一年時間跟你浪跡天涯！2230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZLJXxJDu4Z
2230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF47DytyhUM
我意識到我們已經到了無可挽回的地步，但還是不甘心地上訴﹕「你知道我要還關窿㗎，我都應承咗你等我升職加人工會同你去一次日本。唔通無錢都係一種罪過? 如果係，點解你唔老實講? 」2230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeW0M9UExSM
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「I'm not talking about money, you know that.」2230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt0ATxWrNSa
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撈? 我撈你老味！2230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzlcB0OulUm
2230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBgjGqQn4Yk
我忽然冷靜下來，沒有像潮文中的毒撚發脾四就咁走咗去。2230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA4bw6HBEIX
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或許，變了心的女人，就像借出去的錢一樣，找收數佬也收不回來。2230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSka3wJQuDp
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「咁，分手啦。」我揮一揮衣袖，不帶走一片雲彩。2230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMATb0R6MZK
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Evelyn的嘴角若有若無的向上彎了一下，然後微微點點頭﹕「James, we are still friend.」2230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu4xawur2oI
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她輕輕呷了一口微涼的Chamomile Tea，然後站起來，離開。2230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6tKboQIeg1
2230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpqFZJirWX8
我惆悵的看著眼前只剩半杯的Chamomile Tea，憶起跟Evelyn剛相識時她的一臉羞澀，那個怯怯的濕吻，那夜在宿舍輕輕脫下的胸圍，那對溫軟動人的33C，肉體與肉體碰撞時的啪啪聲，還有那令人念念不忘的口技......2230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDs9T22Sgzp
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你老母！2230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1MlE6zuxTL
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我一拍桌面，發出的呯然巨響嚇得周圍只買一杯咖啡卻坐一整天的偽文青目定口呆，然後霸氣地離開這個傷心地......2230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS6wU9IKadD
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正當我昂首闊步走到街上，打算用霸氣遮掩被飛的事實時，一輛R8在我身側駛過。2230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsZYKmYCxWJ
2230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS5iqerM1VQ
我瞄了車廂一眼，坐在副駕的，正是剛飛走我的Evelyn，她正巧笑倩兮的跟司機聊天。我再看真一點，那個司機，身無四両肉，梳著一個比比鳥頭，身穿窄身slim cut粉藍色西裝，是一個比MK更MK的MK仔。而這個MK仔，赫然就是那天跟Evelyn一起從澳洲回來，Evelyn說是在飛機上認識的ABC。2230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw3UYVxVtvx
2230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLBNpP2gtrc
我隱約感到，我在香港Holiday Working的時候，她已經在Working Holiday途中送給我一頂綠油油的綠帽。2230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnQoE5wgVrU
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屌那星！的士！2230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoVZKZoR24K
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怒從心中起，惡向膽邊生！我毅然伸手截的，並跟司機說跟著前方的R8。2230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLJ2N0QqowL
2230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRJE7sWeHa0
司機從倒後鏡中瞄了我一眼，我吼道﹕「唔駛望啦，係拍緊戲呀！快啲追上去啦！後面成隊crew跟緊呀！」2230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSZwURfRvsJ
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的士司機立刻像吃了春藥一樣，發動引擎馬上就追了上去。2230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQVfQZAgd8p
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司機的聲音很興奮﹕「拍緊咩戲呀? 我有無對白㗎? 邊個做男主角呀? 係咪發哥呀? 」2230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxmAL58qOxy
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其實我唔多想理佢，但係為咗令佢發揮佢嘅小宇宙，我唯有指住我粒衫鈕話﹕「呢道裝咗個微型鏡頭，你嘅角色係一個過氣嘅一級方程式賽車手，性格沉默寡言，為咗屋企人放棄自己嘅賽車夢轉而揸的士。今日我咁啱上咗你部車去追揸R8嘅歹徒，你要發揮你所有潛能追上去，有無問題? 」2230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqs55aohO5r
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「無問題！交比我！」的士佬興奮的大聲回答。2230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaTnzr2eWGy
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「好！頭先嗰段我會叫導演cut咗佢，一陣我嗌action你就即刻入戲！」2230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO6MTwTOpNz
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的士司機馬上撥一撥稀疏的髮絲，然後給了我一個堅定的眼神。2230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK1VKRl6y2U
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「Action！」2230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf4E3niiWNk
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一聲令下，引擎咆哮一聲，的士呼嘯而去，在高速公路上逢車過車。2230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjXV3dK2f2q
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眼看就要跟R8並排而行，比比鳥像發現被人跟蹤，R8越駛越快，漸漸拋離我們。2230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt3vCw9w87c
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老實說的士司機的技術認真不賴，只是顯然比比鳥也不是吃素的，而且車款性能明顯不止輸一個檔次。2230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4wXOI1rGUx
2230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡACMFpDaQ2P
眼見遠方的R8駛離了高速公路，到我們跟上去的時候，他們已經消失無蹤，而且我們也被逼停在交通燈前。2230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf03R6msm6r
2230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1zxlLkBKgw
我一拍椅背，深深不忿﹕「仆你個街！咁都追唔到！」2230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa1lSq2tWQP
2230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKRPWabbHww
的士司機很稱職的演繹沉默寡言的性格，他只是利用倒後鏡用眼神問我﹕「咁而家點? 」2230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzWUvLfrb8d
2230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLSSeWYJMO5
雖然我也不知道截住他們有甚麼用，但我有點死心不息﹕「喺附近兜幾個圈，睇吓撞唔撞到。」2230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9OLhO0zCBs
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的士司機按我的指示在附近兜截，但明顯地R8已經逃離現場，我一無所穫。2230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHYCtcW3i6H
2230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK7tlEwBd5c
我垂頭喪氣伏在前方倚背，腦袋放空，完全不知道該怎樣做。2230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4TDoZ4rbNv
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的士司機輕聲問我﹕「咁我哋下一場戲係點呀? 」2230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfekrhm1adJ
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我從銀包中拿出一張五百元遞給他，有氣無力道﹕「車我去一個無人嘅地方，我要冷靜吓。」2230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQreL08E73V
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他接過鈔票後，一聲不響的開車，過了不知多久，我感到引擎關掉了。2230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfuCLTeErD9
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我抬頭一看，車外有點灰濛濛一片，有草有樹，四野無人，是一條窄窄的山路，這裏是甚麼地方?2230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRknvcAEmwc
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「好cut！Good take！」是時候令他回歸現實。2230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnhk9fiSLyy
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的士佬馬上一輪嘴問我﹕「點呀點呀? 我演成點呀? 」2230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJY7GT2jMpW
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我戴上藍芽，裝作正跟導演溝通﹕「呀......好好！導演話你演得入型入格，做得非常好！」2230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvGXx8wCRTp
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「係? 咁我會唔會仲有戲份? 其實我覺得自己好戲過林雪，而且又靚仔過佢！」他又撥一撥稀疏的頭髮。2230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhhc1xckINY
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我打開車門，下車之前跟他說﹕「導演喺我頭先上車嗰度拍緊另一組戲，你去搵佢，睇吓佢會唔會安排一下啦，我會同你講幾句好說話。」2230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡarFVk4KSPE
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的士司機千恩萬謝﹕「唔該哂你呀哥仔，我攞金像獎嗰陣一定會多謝你㗎！係呢，點稱呼呀? 」2230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1GFU7Ie56Z
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「叫我Come on James啦......話時話，呢度邊度呀? 」2230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqlc2bfdQi3
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「大帽山呀，你話要無人嘛，駛唔駛我車返你去搵導演? 」2230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhsNRvrVCpW
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我揮揮手﹕「唔駛啦，我仲要演一幕獨腳戲，一陣會有人接我啦，你走先啦。」2230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNXOYsNBBK9
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的士司機露出羡慕的表情，然後依依不捨的離開。2230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsqGEfiK6zv
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我看著漸漸遠去的的士，又轉頭望向另一方向，看來這條路可以一直上山頂，就上去看看吧。2230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVaQLVSnvq5
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走著走著，我到了一個可遠眺城市的地方，看著一棵棵如火柴般的樓宇，心裏不禁在想，我到底是為了甚麼而努力? 辛苦讀書工作，OT受氣，換來的，就是一頂綠帽?2230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlGu4ZxD66o
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我忍不住撿起一塊石頭，使勁丟到遠方，然後向天大嗌﹕「死仆街港女！」2230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9tf0OuXHFt
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轟隆！2230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡihcpSTwNyd
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回應我的，卻是一聲雷響。2230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyPYf1Bch1C
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我嚇了一跳，然後瞄一瞄天空，灰灰暗暗的正被密雲籠罩，似是快要下雨。2230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUVkqysDWG1
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屌！連個天都唔鍾意我? 你等我落咗山先好落雨喎！2230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzjHzMudnFa
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才走了幾步，正想打電話call的士之際，突然感到尿急。2230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu6euugoRNa
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我左望望右望望，視線範圍之內，不要說廁所，連坑渠都沒有一條。2230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjCWbjBtZfC
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算了，反正無人，求其快手屙咗篤尿就走。2230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh5IgyXpyDM
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我走到路邊的一棵樹下，對著樹幹拉下褲鍊就開始小解。2230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdcHAAs3dLx
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正當我才開始解放，卻已經下起大雨。2230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCqGda4FW2J
2230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP9ahDs6xrt
我頂你！你落雨都比我屙埋先啦！駛唔駛咁趕呀?2230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsNaTgkhEyN
2230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaWmApeOove
我馬上氣運丹田，使勁將所有尿液盡快逼出體外，樹幹已經被我濺得濕漉漉一片。2230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡauPf93fsTF
2230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJaSjCxCAWw
卻說這個時候，突然眼前白光一閃，耳際一聲雷響，我感到身體如遭電亟，鼻端傳來一陣燒焦味，然後我就失去了知覺。2230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPl8oJLnNtg