天藍,樹青,人閒。275Please respect copyright.PENANAfJHs0ZGboS
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衣來張手,飯來張口。275Please respect copyright.PENANAL1vG0vhece
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無煩無憂,無欲無求。275Please respect copyright.PENANA7RZ1sxOjrl
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輕飄飄,輕如無物。275Please respect copyright.PENANAo6pAUJIfkj
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我說:「若有所失。」275Please respect copyright.PENANAcqB2EmrAiU
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祂問:「有何缺失?」275Please respect copyright.PENANAGVLAJKbrB3
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愣,無法言明。275Please respect copyright.PENANAWvFav8HxIK
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橫行世間,萬物向我膜拜,因為我是人類,是祂最愛的造物。我說鹿角形態優雅,鹿脫角奉上。我說喜歡蘋果清甜,荒地倏忽長苗,苗成樹,樹開花,花結果,果落地。是蘋果。咬,清甜,如我所願。說不出的滿足,說不出的失落。275Please respect copyright.PENANA3S544IET55
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夜,與伴繾綣星光下。奔放,放空,空洞。躺卧大地,仰望繁星。275Please respect copyright.PENANA7vSJd2yVhV
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他問:「哪顆星星最美麗?」275Please respect copyright.PENANA9QO4FUDDd2
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我答:「差不多。」275Please respect copyright.PENANA3y2d9YmHaP
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他問:「如果某顆星星消失了,我們該不會察覺到吧。」275Please respect copyright.PENANAh49xtZDz28
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我答:「是的。」275Please respect copyright.PENANAu9hHcK9BAF
275Please respect copyright.PENANAN6Bw5xjlD7
他苦笑,睡,再也沒有醒來。275Please respect copyright.PENANA7xRipuVcgz
275Please respect copyright.PENANAMBGl3byE8G
問祂因由,祂亦感奇怪——人類享有無盡生命,內無疾病,外無創傷,怎會無端暴斃?275Please respect copyright.PENANAPJFzd0wgms
275Please respect copyright.PENANAq6uo5kLPUP
「別憂傷。」祂是慈愛的:「我可以給你再造一個新伴侶。」275Please respect copyright.PENANAOFQa7tig7k
275Please respect copyright.PENANAJl1QYEynPk
我說只想要回原本的伴。275Please respect copyright.PENANAanSuKSDykr
275Please respect copyright.PENANAGzHra9on85
祂創造出一個一模一樣的他。275Please respect copyright.PENANApt3OResiB8
275Please respect copyright.PENANA7f4jLdvPCE
一樣的身體,一樣的性格,一樣的記憶。275Please respect copyright.PENANAngyQbe1JCK
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但我清楚知道這並不是與我相處百年的那個他。275Please respect copyright.PENANAtnEMZ8Rduv
275Please respect copyright.PENANACzzka7Drs5
我沒多話,向祂跪叩道謝。275Please respect copyright.PENANAwnEXbWsBbB
275Please respect copyright.PENANATVIg1ZqbC8
與新伴離開宮殿、往山下走去時,有人帶著伴侶遺體上山向祂求助。275Please respect copyright.PENANAnth59GnAVJ
275Please respect copyright.PENANAZU5OwTpYLq
似乎人類暴斃並非單一事件……275Please respect copyright.PENANATBR3GepnxR
275Please respect copyright.PENANAwefJe2ekZB
森林裡、星空下、營火旁,我和新伴與萬歲老者促膝長談。275Please respect copyright.PENANARNmGSOf2nb
275Please respect copyright.PENANAFa56iVMSq6
「當感受不到自己存在,就會死去。」老者伸手入火堆:「痛楚令我感受到自身存在……」275Please respect copyright.PENANAIOkATSNoOx
275Please respect copyright.PENANAuqDSNRBTOZ
「順心日子令我開始思考自己是否存在。甚或是……」老者縮手,幽幽莞爾:「我的存在是否有意義?」275Please respect copyright.PENANAAFyGjFXPgs
275Please respect copyright.PENANA6FgvHSKbaJ
一直沉默的新伴突然開口接話:「那夜,我發現耀眼星星可有可無,我立時明白自己更是不過爾爾。」說罷,新伴倒地死去。275Please respect copyright.PENANARNUozaeXv2
275Please respect copyright.PENANAUFVsMVJJxo
我不感悲傷,因為這是他的選擇——他以自己想要的方式去處理自己。275Please respect copyright.PENANA51Jx7f2a0x
275Please respect copyright.PENANADpNk6RqwGu
「你找到答案沒?」我問老者。275Please respect copyright.PENANASPuqSFgBgG
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「沒。」老者坦言:「『未有答案』也許是最佳答案——我有不停思考的原因。然後『不停思考』成為我繼續活著的原因。」275Please respect copyright.PENANAXfZwtiMqdj
275Please respect copyright.PENANAz5uxyPOCar
「這豈不是自尋煩惱?」我難以想像如何在煩惱狀態下活上萬年:「如此活下去有何意義?」275Please respect copyright.PENANAQOIZNerLy4
275Please respect copyright.PENANABPGL1y0LiT
「我只知死亡以後,一切意義於我變得沒意義。」老者沒有正面回應我的提問,避重就輕指出更壞情況,巧妙突顯現狀的好。老者答案偏頗,皆因不欲承認真相。人類沒能承認意識不到的事物。換言之,老者早知答案。275Please respect copyright.PENANA2nX1qItnEI
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他聰明,知我聰明,亦知道我知道他知道甚麼。275Please respect copyright.PENANACm1xCjC5l6
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無法繼續逃避,老者倒地斷氣。275Please respect copyright.PENANAdoeQ1Zw3FO
275Please respect copyright.PENANAwyCk2VCMFI
我不驚不訝,伴屍凝望柴火沉思。275Please respect copyright.PENANAXFwLmmEZOw
275Please respect copyright.PENANAWQzfP1iCBW
我沒有死去,因為我並非思考意義何在,而是思考如何創造意義。275Please respect copyright.PENANAVyzfYvLra7
275Please respect copyright.PENANAW6p7WKC34f
天明。我動手創造意義去。275Please respect copyright.PENANASK5CdK8pQs
275Please respect copyright.PENANAbCX18N6ueF
撥弄柴枝,焚燒遺體,燎亮森林。275Please respect copyright.PENANASoEwsEPnMq
275Please respect copyright.PENANAHstqumDp01
有人運水,有人撲火,有人救人。各施其職,各盡其義。275Please respect copyright.PENANAnQ7byAdtwB
275Please respect copyright.PENANAmnNg1uSkJj
我氣定神閒,穿過人群,前往山上宮殿找祂。居高臨下,俯視地面眾生奔波頻撲,頓時百感交集。275Please respect copyright.PENANAOI58RevYNO
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「你不怪責我?」我直接問。275Please respect copyright.PENANADekDMCWcWD
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「我明白你用意。」祂無所不知。275Please respect copyright.PENANAwVOzwDftvk
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「你早知大家暴斃原因?」我所知有限,因為我只是一個普通人類。275Please respect copyright.PENANALm6IE4nqFR
275Please respect copyright.PENANAGynIHh64RR
「我知道原因,但我無法理解,所以沒能解決。」祂愛人類,卻非人類,無法徹底代入人類角度:「我不明白為何人類需要『充滿缺憾的世界』。完美的和平世界不好嗎?」275Please respect copyright.PENANAPmNcPKvqDk
275Please respect copyright.PENANAaYNSWWx4zj
「有我的世界完美和平,無我的世界完美和平,換言之,我就是可有可無的、沒意義的。」我指著忙碌救火的人們說:「看!一場火災令大家由百無聊賴的遊民立時變為救人救火的大英雄。」275Please respect copyright.PENANA6X82dwPBQy
275Please respect copyright.PENANAX29Fm1LkkA
「為了證明自己,寧願離開幸福,不斷遭遇不幸?」完美的祂不明缺憾的美麗。275Please respect copyright.PENANAnP3CKNWHjC
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我堅決點頭。275Please respect copyright.PENANAfrr9QEh2Kv
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祂悲傷流淚。淚水觸地一刻,我被強大力量彈飛,飛離宮殿,安然著地——祂還是愛著每個人類,包括我。275Please respect copyright.PENANAdcv76wGEbF
275Please respect copyright.PENANAisFdg4Ki6n
我回頭遙望,宮殿消失了。275Please respect copyright.PENANAAXWGBgBvSC
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感動,感恩,感慨。275Please respect copyright.PENANAppE0eLAuvg
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祂竟默許我的行動!275Please respect copyright.PENANACSVfDdnrJB
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我浪跡天涯,到處作惡。275Please respect copyright.PENANAce344blF1T
275Please respect copyright.PENANA9u6Dh3EVVb
有人追殺我,說我破壞和平,為禍人間。275Please respect copyright.PENANAkG1p8TOKNa
275Please respect copyright.PENANAYCpA0FL0OD
有人認同我,協助我,保護我,膜拜我。275Please respect copyright.PENANAg3K54S8JcI
275Please respect copyright.PENANAc2fG59CrNT
時日漸過,當追殺者和追隨者各佔世界人口一半,我選擇隱退。275Please respect copyright.PENANAMPiZg4kzHQ
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億年過去。我某天在街頭偶遇祂。祂說剛在新開張的咖啡室買了咖啡和蛋糕,邀我一起到宮殿品嚐。我說好的,不過要先到便利店支付電費。祂笑問為何不繼續拖欠。我說經已拖欠幾季,快要被斷電。祂笑我假壞蛋,我笑祂假正經。275Please respect copyright.PENANANF8N2QSuYy
275Please respect copyright.PENANA2QQipSxAgM
宮殿依舊宏偉,祂依舊和藹,我依舊迷惘。275Please respect copyright.PENANAxbr4L95yKB
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「覺得現今人類怎麼樣?」我嚐一口咖啡,暗讚苦酸澀比例得宜。275Please respect copyright.PENANAsJe98ieZcX
275Please respect copyright.PENANA5pJbsG39NJ
「怪。」祂眉頭輕皺。「你呢?喜歡現在的人間嗎?」275Please respect copyright.PENANAaudOGHONUD
275Please respect copyright.PENANAyz5YDdVMlE
「我不敢細想這問題……我擔心自己會後悔……」我望出窗外,俯視雲下人世眾生,雙手不自控微顫:「人類壽命日益縮短,我估計無人可以活過一百二十歲……」275Please respect copyright.PENANAD6MRFdsQzE
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「你認為是自己一手造成?」祂倒是比之前更淡然,放下咖啡杯,轉而品嚐蛋糕。沒待我回答,祂又繼續說:「無論你有沒有插手,人類終究會滅亡,分別在於滅亡時間和方式。」275Please respect copyright.PENANAyAmo7pkcGD
275Please respect copyright.PENANAWBcTaGYiF8
「我不明白。人類本有永恆壽命,若非我自作聰明,大家該可以……」我的內疚感硬生生被祂的說話壓下——因為祂不會說謊——取而代之的是大量疑問。275Please respect copyright.PENANAGLHbFUG9JC
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「我在造人時加入了『分別心』,令每個人類都有獨特性格和思考模式,希望集思廣益有助促進新一波人類文明快速發展。豈料分別心令人類十分在意自身和周遭人事物的區別,部份偏激人類甚至完全否定自身,因而暴斃。」祂碟上蛋糕不知不覺間缺了大半,當然,也可以說是祂吃掉大半。若有所失同時若有所得:「打算召喚大洪水給大家來個痛快了斷,減輕痛苦,誰料你提出一個奇特方法!我姑且放手讓你一試,效果很不錯。」275Please respect copyright.PENANAvzysBUzYS0
275Please respect copyright.PENANAw0fZCS22Qj
「不過大家的壽命縮……」我聽不出我的煩惱與祂的解說有何關係。275Please respect copyright.PENANAqWf9KYmGJe
275Please respect copyright.PENANAV9U8rfXGr1
「活膩了,自然不想活。無論世界和平或混亂,無論本身壽命長或短,無論生活順心或困苦……」見我思路走入死胡同,祂直斷了當道出當中因由罷:「無論旁人如何對待,最終決定權還是在當事人手上。」275Please respect copyright.PENANAKqdFeVv3Mr
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繃緊多年的情緒得到解放,活上億年的我倒在祂懷裡,哭得像個孩子。275Please respect copyright.PENANAd9cusBK1Sj
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「我哭累了……」275Please respect copyright.PENANAkxfVMMlfNN
275Please respect copyright.PENANAtFYkhSQjrl
「那就好好入睡吧。」275Please respect copyright.PENANA14t1lqlhWW
275Please respect copyright.PENANAtp3DFAjXRr
「可以不醒來嗎?」275Please respect copyright.PENANAGwdoSF6OAC
275Please respect copyright.PENANAxN6ytQxyiK
「隨你喜歡。」275Please respect copyright.PENANAaZCrxRaLKQ
275Please respect copyright.PENANA2mqBwnZEls
「謝謝。」275Please respect copyright.PENANA8pu9UddjW5
275Please respect copyright.PENANAYAlZ7xDKga
「不用謝。」275Please respect copyright.PENANAGJS782Y15X
275Please respect copyright.PENANAZ0BEgTmB0T
「我愛祢。」275Please respect copyright.PENANAoSvIaiDPon
275Please respect copyright.PENANACqZHbCp3lm
「我愛你們。」275Please respect copyright.PENANAxofUcFPP55
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雜念集
Author:
天洛卡
ISSUE #114
自尋煩惱(人類 / 神仙)
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