這是一扇門。門上沒有刻畫任何圖案,甚至連最簡單的一豎一橫也沒有。它,只是一扇平實的門。門後的客飯廳也是平實非常,不講究甚麼室內設計,只是桌、椅、櫃等等基本傢俱。再深入一點兒,是睡房。曾經,那兒有一個嬰孩,天天躺在床上,接受眾人的祝福。睡房旁的主人房,有一對深愛著對方的夫妻…650Please respect copyright.PENANAnCSN0ktQ5p
650Please respect copyright.PENANAq6PMiWKD2V
這扇門,守護著這個家已有二十多個年頭。門後的傢俱,形還在,但神髓不再。看著滿屋落寞的傢俱和滿桌冰冷的飯餸,夏瑜忍不住掉下淚來。這些眼淚,不是給別人看的,而是給她自己看的,好讓自己在情在理上都成為「受害者」。650Please respect copyright.PENANA9mc0WErxi9
650Please respect copyright.PENANAOUps05ZODP
以「受害者」身份流的眼淚,洗滌了夏瑜心裡的污垢。她不再是一個不稱職的妻子,因為她是「受害者」;她不再是一個橫蠻無理的母親,因為她是「受害者」…一切罪過都被原諒,因為她是一個流淚中的「受害者」…650Please respect copyright.PENANAv1NXqxwPw0
650Please respect copyright.PENANATBDfTn3jk5
望著空洞的家,夏瑜在心裡問了句:「我做錯了甚麼?」猛然,女兒思瑤和丈夫振邦的臉在她腦海中閃過。他們的臉,是憤怒的、猙獰的、憂傷的…一切負面情緒,顯而易見:「你真的做錯了!」
二十多年了,一直安份守己。日出而作,日入未息,一切心力都花在這個家上。日子雖難不苦,因著是自己心甘情願的;很平淡,做菜煮飯、洗衫拖地…這就是她唯一會做的事,不多也不少。650Please respect copyright.PENANAi1WvPOStUU
650Please respect copyright.PENANArpNTd7oGV7
熟練地煮了滿枱飯餸,只等思瑤回來。650Please respect copyright.PENANA4E1fUon3oC
650Please respect copyright.PENANAuhMkYDc7ms
「媽,」席間,思瑤冷冷的道:「我要搬走。」650Please respect copyright.PENANAiDGqi5FDuC
650Please respect copyright.PENANAh4BMvoDtiz
夏瑜呆了,真想不到思瑤還有勇氣提出這個建議。這不是她首次這麼講;她已提出過兩三次,但都被拒絕:「你照顧不了自己的。」650Please respect copyright.PENANAxhm8re1PZO
650Please respect copyright.PENANALVk1IFh8ix
「這真是你心裡頭那句?」思瑤的話,挑動了夏瑜的神經。650Please respect copyright.PENANAL9BTVRIdVp
650Please respect copyright.PENANAAykSs5GLtn
老實講——不是。但夏瑜總是口不對心:「你是甚麼意思?」650Please respect copyright.PENANAd5U7kQ4BCv
650Please respect copyright.PENANAZf3PD66sUS
「不是怕我走了,你會少了份家用嗎?」思瑤沒正面回答。650Please respect copyright.PENANAXsMpm83twS
650Please respect copyright.PENANAlyPt918mgM
夏瑜怒不可遏,卻笑了。這正是夏瑜恐怖的地方——她能迅速從一切極端的情緒中冷靜過來。一笑,卻不泯恩仇。650Please respect copyright.PENANAMjSPFLIPo1
650Please respect copyright.PENANAlcIahLizsj
這時,夏瑜微笑著問:「為何?」語調間是尖刺般的骨子。650Please respect copyright.PENANACSBDnBSqQD
650Please respect copyright.PENANAkeAVZNG7zb
「因為你。」思瑤直認不諱。650Please respect copyright.PENANA8OOwt3IWiM
650Please respect copyright.PENANA8ecjmqEjHU
「嗯。」夏瑜點點頭:「繼續。」650Please respect copyright.PENANAjBSJch4Iim
650Please respect copyright.PENANA6e2xkg3Fvy
「你的問題正是覺得自己無任可問題。」思瑤簡潔的答,因為對眼前人,她已瞭解至極——根本不容別人多解釋。650Please respect copyright.PENANAWkNGXSMcif
650Please respect copyright.PENANAXwPpPMyPQY
「就是這樣?」夏瑜嘆了口氣:「你這麼孩子氣的決定,要我怎能答允支持?不——許——」650Please respect copyright.PENANABaOcQHS5up
650Please respect copyright.PENANAmU5fG2xiys
「我孩子氣?難道要像你一樣,才不是孩子氣?」思瑤的聲調高了八度。650Please respect copyright.PENANA8JF2dc0noA
650Please respect copyright.PENANAqEbLeFjqjr
「用這種態度對待長輩的人,不是孩子氣,是甚麼?」夏瑜保持微笑,心知勝券在握。650Please respect copyright.PENANAm63nYXZz9a
650Please respect copyright.PENANAljz5zYTyJI
「我可不是你!老狐狸!」思瑤歇斯底里地大叫。淚水湧滿眼眶,湧滿心頭。650Please respect copyright.PENANAGF2rVuEMRG
650Please respect copyright.PENANAr0dr4rurdG
夏瑜勝利了;敗北的思瑤則瘋了似的衝入房內,用力甩門。650Please respect copyright.PENANABn0T079MOx
650Please respect copyright.PENANAKizjON3Fna
瞬間,勝利的笑容化為回憶裡的片段。650Please respect copyright.PENANA1TsluGzlty
650Please respect copyright.PENANASypfS0mZz0
「我可不是你!老狐狸!」曾幾何時,夏瑜也講過同樣的話,對象正是她的母親。那時的她,比現在的思瑤更年輕,只有十七、八歲。母親是個很傳統的人,一切按照傳統規矩行事。650Please respect copyright.PENANAmp9Q1jh8fO
650Please respect copyright.PENANAD0yzpSMdfI
「規矩!規矩!難道我比不上規矩重要?」當時的夏瑜很不忿。650Please respect copyright.PENANAulXyar0Tmi
650Please respect copyright.PENANAyT2nSVPXCv
「日後,你也會像我一樣,知道它的重要性。」母親只是語重心長地說,結束了這段影響夏瑜甚深的對話。650Please respect copyright.PENANAL51TrYVyGJ
650Please respect copyright.PENANAkeQwUn0vXQ
現在,她真的像母親一樣,是隻不折不扣的老狐狸。無他,這是命運,每個人必走的路。還記得,她起初時並不相信;但現在卻深信不疑。唯一的不同,是她比母親更狠更絕,因為她親眼看見母親的淒慘下場——丈夫跑了,女兒(夏瑜自己)也離開她。650Please respect copyright.PENANAHVxbX73ggV
650Please respect copyright.PENANAgKGDs6PZGW
夏瑜很怕,這真是命運嗎?若然,她必須努力改變,打破宿命。她要比母親強硬,綁著丈夫和女兒。尤其是女兒,她日後也會走上同樣的道路;唯一保護她的方法,就是親身示範如何做一個好女人,甚至要比母親做得更好。650Please respect copyright.PENANA67ZsxiZwYv
650Please respect copyright.PENANAqQiwk5DhM0
「囡囡又發脾氣嗎?」振邦回來了。650Please respect copyright.PENANAz4MUCKM9fU
650Please respect copyright.PENANAiOMPse5iRN
「她現在入睡了。」夏瑜溫柔地微笑著。650Please respect copyright.PENANAjfXANM1uVH
650Please respect copyright.PENANA5l8QGpsLEs
振邦解了領帶,喝著夏瑜煲的湯水,嘆了一口氣:「囡囡太任性了。」650Please respect copyright.PENANA2nHWnzgqFJ
650Please respect copyright.PENANAcZOErRgTyg
「不要緊。」夏瑜搖搖頭:「她日後會明白我的苦心。」650Please respect copyright.PENANAKtqpE4CxE3
650Please respect copyright.PENANAABDgWfMKXm
「對了!」振邦猛然放下湯碗:「今天發薪水了。」他拿出支票。650Please respect copyright.PENANAQxyYHgsmvM
650Please respect copyright.PENANA4DiJEk7zWP
「這些錢用作…」夏瑜喜上眉梢。650Please respect copyright.PENANAfGiUzzG2q5
650Please respect copyright.PENANAS9KB9BhCbu
「是的…」振邦打了個眼色,示意她降低音量,以免讓思瑤聽到。650Please respect copyright.PENANAFG8oZdQtfv
650Please respect copyright.PENANAVBBVORfWbS
「嗯。」夏瑜的眼神甚為堅定:「我明天去。」650Please respect copyright.PENANAcWvt3QFMDX
650Please respect copyright.PENANAK3JPrpxmzg
入夜,夏瑜在振邦懷裡,久久不能入睡,一心思量如何應付明天的事。
「今次可以嗎?」振邦見夏瑜回來,高興得很。650Please respect copyright.PENANAvf0eZ8S5LJ
650Please respect copyright.PENANALINQyVBEbC
「可以。」夏瑜看在眼內,卻不是味兒。怎麼振邦會懦弱如此,比自己更不如!昔日,他可是充滿男子氣慨的校園萬人迷;現在,他竟…連見債主的勇氣也沒有,要妻子去!一串串眼淚不自覺的淌下,振邦大驚,輕輕擁她入懷,不停唸:「沒事的…」650Please respect copyright.PENANApC6jIfLNyY
650Please respect copyright.PENANAPgXNa7sWTE
沒事?真的嗎?650Please respect copyright.PENANAiw4zEa45BZ
650Please respect copyright.PENANAmyHDWM7c1Y
有時候,夏瑜真的覺得自己太愛振邦,甚至達到不合理的程度;要不然,她怎會隻身走到那龍蛇混雜的鬼地方,替他還錢予高利貸。說真的,她很害怕,尤其是那放高利貸的男人。他雙眼總愛盯著她的胸脯,感覺很嘔心。650Please respect copyright.PENANAqQ5N1Bf5da
650Please respect copyright.PENANACCSPDWlFFk
電視劇裡的男主角,總是站在女主角面前,為她擋箭;但為何振邦卻是躲在自己身後,要自己擋子彈呢?越想越不明白…650Please respect copyright.PENANAXAF43tm4mt
650Please respect copyright.PENANAcp55zrgtPe
沒事?真的嗎?650Please respect copyright.PENANAarXoIW4VDd
650Please respect copyright.PENANAuNZeSSTWi4
往後的日子,夏瑜待振邦的態度並沒改變,只是心裡的情感卻複雜多了——不是不愛他,只是沒那麼愛。650Please respect copyright.PENANAZ1UbZQmFsB
650Please respect copyright.PENANAJBSH1T6e5W
就在沒那麼愛他的同時,她也懷疑,他已不如從前的愛她。650Please respect copyright.PENANATHUN3nd0za
650Please respect copyright.PENANAfxV4sgFZdC
她照照鏡,心中只覺戚然。上一次認真照鏡,已是二十多年前,自己出嫁前一日的事。那時的她,二十多歲,青春逼人。臉部肌膚白裡透紅,沒黑眼圈,沒色斑,簡直是個大美人。披上嫁衣,更見明艷照人。650Please respect copyright.PENANAUhW2Rwky9B
650Please respect copyright.PENANAAGbUfmH1bw
可是現在,「黃面婆」、「師奶」、「阿嬸」等稱呼聲,此起彼落,不絕於耳。但不能怪別人無口德,因這是事實…難怪所有男人都喜歡年輕貌美的小女生!650Please respect copyright.PENANAzT5Ac4fkSV
650Please respect copyright.PENANAS2azMdb5qc
她沒有哭,因振邦出軌一事並有任何實質證據;但這想法卻不知不覺間植根於她腦海裡,久久不散。650Please respect copyright.PENANABqAetnobAu
650Please respect copyright.PENANAPxYZ1dJdgQ
「絕不能胡思亂想!」夏瑜對自己說:「二十多年來的日夕相對,感情一定不會是假的!他一定還愛我!」這是自我安慰嗎?自我催眠嗎?650Please respect copyright.PENANApPxgQyyt8L
650Please respect copyright.PENANAQ8UtxBFxBf
振邦沒有錯,但自己有錯嗎?為何要獨自承受這種不該存在的壞念頭?真的很辛苦,但卻證明了自己仍是在乎他的,愛他的,所以更不能直接問他或旁敲側擊,以免破壞家的和諧。650Please respect copyright.PENANA0woIwVfjlL
650Please respect copyright.PENANApZHgLsrv71
夏瑜提著沉甸甸的食材,好不容易才回到家。從菜市場到家的路上,她幾近走一步停兩秒,把時間枉花在「胡思亂想」上。結果十五分鐘的腳程,變了近四十五分鐘的。650Please respect copyright.PENANAMo9Njrj04R
650Please respect copyright.PENANAFyvVkfac6s
她很累,只及把大門和鐵閘輕掩,便軟癱在地,毫不猶豫大哭起來。但一切的辛酸並沒隨淚水流走,哭聲只把她的心神推向更極端——振邦不愛她了。
「思瑤已離家出走七天,難道你不擔心嗎?」振邦的聲音幾近尖叫。650Please respect copyright.PENANAMrrXGpGNQm
650Please respect copyright.PENANA0T1mhqPzcA
「嗯。」夏瑜無力的發了一粒音。650Please respect copyright.PENANAbEC0xZlvXl
650Please respect copyright.PENANAPX8DCXrazn
說真的,夏瑜憂心的程度絕不遜於振邦;但這刻的她只感到無力。既然思瑤立心出走,自然不會輕易被找到——夏瑜實在無能為力。650Please respect copyright.PENANAuvsS3F0TjD
650Please respect copyright.PENANAkck8n1xSX5
「怎麼辦?」振邦仍在來回踱步,重覆的腳步聲教人心煩。650Please respect copyright.PENANAhb6Fa9kRHE
650Please respect copyright.PENANAySmNS0MiPJ
「隨她吧!」夏瑜絕望了:「就當這個人沒存在過吧!」650Please respect copyright.PENANA9r4RzVhX10
650Please respect copyright.PENANAMlPUKVEsrE
要不然,怎麼辦!650Please respect copyright.PENANASCN6N3nRnl
650Please respect copyright.PENANAvFDY5DClTH
回憶當初,其實一切皆有跡可尋;問題是,夏瑜一直不認為思瑤會那麼做——思瑤只是個無能的小朋友!但事實是,思瑤不單實踐了,更成功地摧毀了夏瑜的第一道防線。650Please respect copyright.PENANAX1hE1iARDQ
650Please respect copyright.PENANA3GbjX65j7r
夏瑜從沙發霍然立起,懶理仍在踱步的振邦,逕自到思瑤的房間去。650Please respect copyright.PENANA0RuOBsDTvH
650Please respect copyright.PENANAIw4NeVeDKt
二十多年前,仍在襁褓的思瑤,多可愛!對媽媽笑吧!笑…但日漸長大的她,不但失去了那可愛的笑容,還會哭、說謊、鬧情緒…好好的一個孩子,怎會變成這樣?是因為自己嗎?思瑤已不只一次說恨自己,為何自己還沒改變的意識?650Please respect copyright.PENANAmM84lIgJYz
650Please respect copyright.PENANAFoEgkgZfx4
「你的問題正是覺得自己無任何問題。」650Please respect copyright.PENANAhGBm93hN1Y
650Please respect copyright.PENANA4tBhdJ81gb
不!不是這樣的!650Please respect copyright.PENANAdiwYZjIejy
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「藉口!」650Please respect copyright.PENANA4DvIpwmtkl
650Please respect copyright.PENANA4SVBNfuc74
思瑤的聲音清晰可聞,但人卻不在身邊…650Please respect copyright.PENANA0TASCxxMwz
650Please respect copyright.PENANAKLQVSMZJoG
悲極的哭聲,原來是那樣的乾涸,只是喉頭發出「呀…呀…」心不覺痛,因為已被痛苦同化了,混為一體;眼淚沒法再流,隨之而來的是血水。赤紅色的世界,本該是喜氣洋洋的,但夏瑜卻看不見自己…650Please respect copyright.PENANAmKlKCRw18J
650Please respect copyright.PENANAp2bVQjmNOO
昏——倒——650Please respect copyright.PENANAisTXlETzad
650Please respect copyright.PENANAJLIUOtWoH6
醒來的時候,雙眼已被矇起來,但仍可清楚聽到振邦的聲音:「眼疾?會盲?」650Please respect copyright.PENANAZ3VzA3CVKO
650Please respect copyright.PENANAf9fORhHW61
夏瑜聽畢,全身發抖。可是,不消一秒,她又冷靜過來:「眼不見為淨。」心自在多了。650Please respect copyright.PENANAus0QZyW9eh
650Please respect copyright.PENANAkO9QkE4rU5
既然思瑤不願見到她,她也不欲見到思瑤;既然振邦對她生厭,她也不要見到他!650Please respect copyright.PENANA5hwCXQe4Qx
650Please respect copyright.PENANAMFk6H7ZBb3
出院後,仍需矇著雙眼的夏瑜由振邦攙扶回家。這個曾經熟悉的家,竟於一日之間變得異常陌生。但夏瑜並不感到害怕,因為一切都在掌握之內。650Please respect copyright.PENANAYZCmJYBJNh
650Please respect copyright.PENANACpyGWmESxG
「振邦,你走吧!我不要你留在我身邊!」650Please respect copyright.PENANAfPQbM7Y6xQ
650Please respect copyright.PENANAsHwmKGUTaD
「怎麼了?」振邦吃了一驚:「你不用怕負累我呢!」650Please respect copyright.PENANAj9xRosIHkA
650Please respect copyright.PENANAAPNw5nAdto
「你走吧!」夏瑜面不改容:「我不愛你了。」650Please respect copyright.PENANAQIxbHL6bs1
650Please respect copyright.PENANAuGHmKf0cQE
「不要這麼講…」振邦後後擁著夏瑜:「不要…」650Please respect copyright.PENANAwsveuTZxzW
650Please respect copyright.PENANAXAtFogOvIY
「我不要一個只懂躲在我身後的男人。」夏瑜嘴角泛起笑意,因為她感受到振邦顫抖的身軀:「難道在我瞎了以後,你仍繼續要我代你還債?」650Please respect copyright.PENANAaFBYGbZ2vR
650Please respect copyright.PENANAjHfIYp1Mzs
振邦沒答話。650Please respect copyright.PENANAFCwCVlW8n4
650Please respect copyright.PENANAyvSVwVgSp8
夏瑜的表情更得意:「說中了吧!你根本不愛我;你只是利用我,要我控制思瑤的財政,然後再加上我的錢去還你的債…」650Please respect copyright.PENANAco8ywgvOtd
650Please respect copyright.PENANAfbIfjih5vv
未幾,振邦鬆開手,頭也不回,離家了。
在振邦離開後的一星期,夏瑜的眼疾被治癒了。但夏瑜並不感到高興——她根本無法面對現在的家。650Please respect copyright.PENANAgZ8pQoUxqO
650Please respect copyright.PENANA7N14eQwvFt
望著空洞的家,她在心裡問了句:「我做錯了甚麼?」650Please respect copyright.PENANACO1MwyoT1V
650Please respect copyright.PENANARZuZajjBp3
也許,夏瑜這輩子都找不到答案。