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評《悲》 - CHAPTER 1 - 髒鬼 | Penana
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評《悲》
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評《悲》
ISSUE #1
Author:
評《悲》
Author:
ISSUE #1
CHAPTER 1 - 髒鬼
No Plagiarism!bg4X6bBPuAZLBB9wHrO4posted on PＥNAＮＡ

開首，以對話帶出主題 ── 髒鬼，開門見山。

第二句的 「～」 給人感覺稍不正式，且最後的省略號用得不是很高明。

第三句的省略號則完全能帶出其無言的狀態。

第四句的標點符號可以運用得更好。

第五句的 「吶」 給人感覺亦稍不正式。

第六句句末的 「我的心情？」 偏向口語。

最後能做到首尾呼應，並能引人深思。

整體來說，能夠扣緊主題： 「髒鬼」 ，但是未能完全突出其中的悲。

可以改善的地方是：

可以突出欺凌你的人那些醜惡的嘴臉，並將自身感受深化，將個人的悲帶出所有被欺凌者的悲。

完。

216.73.216.205

ns216.73.216.205da2
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評《悲》
Essay
Last updated: Dec 29, 2017
Total word count: 1,079
Total reading time: 4 Minutes
評《悲》
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