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評《悲》 - CHAPTER 2 - 霸凌 | Penana
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評《悲》
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評《悲》
ISSUE #2
Author:
評《悲》
Author:
ISSUE #2
CHAPTER 2 - 霸凌
No Plagiarism!2QcrChCi11hive99rxqwposted on PＥNAＮＡ

首句的鬱悶並非悲的情緒。

第二句想要營造出層層遞進的效果，但 「不被認同」 的悲未必甚於 「孤單一人」。

第三句有錯字。

第四句的 「同時出現？」 語法不太妥當，且 「霸凌」 不同於上方的形容詞，令人詫異。

第五句的 「加害者加害於受害者」 過於繞嘴，但是反問的語氣不錯。

剩餘幾句所表達的情緒無奈大於悲，可加改善。

最後結語，則已經代入了所有被欺凌者的立場，非常不錯。

整體來說，能夠扣緊主題： 「霸凌」 ，但未能突出其中的悲。

可以改善的地方是：

已經在上一篇表明，但這篇可以更加抒情，突出當中的悲。

完。841Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2p0seiOELD

216.73.216.95

ns216.73.216.95da2
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評《悲》
Essay
Last updated: Dec 29, 2017
Total word count: 1,079
Total reading time: 4 Minutes
評《悲》
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